when the rubber hits the road [updated]

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therealityhits
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when the rubber hits the road [updated]

Post by therealityhits » Wed Jun 18, 2014 11:40 am

[Thread updated Jul 29, 2015, see below. --admin LadyGeek]

I don't know if this is the right section, but here goes.

To start off with, this is a secondary ID approved by the moderators. As you read further into this message you will see why.

I used to participate regularly in this forum and some of you would recognize my main ID and know exactly who I am. At this time, I wish to keep it a secret. Well anyway, about two years ago (?) my participation tapered off. It tapered off in a lot of other things. Other things happened. I quit reading books and magazines; my short term memory went to crap; etc.

Over the years, there have been a lot of discussions about what to do once you start to lose your mental sharpness. Most of it has been theoretical. In my case it no longer is. You see, I am relatively young, 61, and have recently been diagnosed with Progressive Dementia. Now this is not an agreed upon diagnosis. One doctor feels my mental cloudiness (my term, not his) is due to the amount of drugs I am taking, another feels it is a classic case of Progressive Dementia.

I am putting my money on the diagnosis of Progressive Dementia. I cut back on a lot of the drugs and the cloudiness has not disappeared (though I finally did complete my first book in 6 months.) and in all honesty problems began before the drugs.

So the purpose of this discussion, is to talk about the reality of handling investment, taxes, etc, once you really become less sharp.

Now I know there will be lot of gee I am sorry post, but please known of that. What is, is. My goal is what you in actuality versus what you would do think you will do once the rubber hits the road versus what you think you will do.

The reality hits

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pjstack
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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by pjstack » Wed Jun 18, 2014 12:48 pm

In keeping with what you propose as the subject of the discussion, I offer the following:

I have simplified my "portfolio" to two funds, a balanced 60/40 fund and the Total Stock market fund.
I have set up an automatic monthly investment amount taken from my military pension.

I have written (over the years) a notebook that outlines ALL my financial situation, not just investing (which is very simple now) but bank info, insurance info, transfer on death info, house title, car titles, etc.

Due to some vaguely diagnosed neurological malfunction I have become physically frail in the last ten years. The same thing may occur mentally, who knows?

I think I have prepared enough information for my wife to know where everything is and what to do if I die physically or mentally.

Best wishes.
pjstack

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by Random Poster » Wed Jun 18, 2014 1:12 pm

Not sure how to respond to the query, but perhaps for those concerned about such matters, putting a durable power of attorney in place now and going over all of one's investments, tax filings, and financial desires with the chosen attorney-in-fact for a number of years might assist in reducing the stress and uncertainty regarding how the investments are to be handled.

Perhaps a power of attorney isn't the best document to use to address this type of situation, but I suppose that it is better than nothing and, from what I can gather, most states have a standard POA form that virtually anyone can use and complete without the need for much legal guidance.

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by Gnirk » Wed Jun 18, 2014 3:08 pm

As others have suggested, the first thing to do, if not already done, is to draw up a Durable Power of Attorney, one for healthcare, and one for financial. In each, be sure to name both a primary and a secondary POA. The reason I say this is because my mother named only me as financial DPOA, which left the question of who would manage her affairs if something happened to me? By the time she gave me her DPOA, she couldn't change it because she was no longer able to make legal decisions. Her DPOA granted me the power to set up a revocable living trust, which I did, so that I could name successor trustees. Mom is 89 and has had dementia for over ten years, and I am 70 and have suffered a stroke, so the possibility of needing someone else as trustee in our case is realistic.

If you do not have trusted family members or friends whom you trust to be your attorney-in-fact, or trustee, there are professional guardians who can do so, should it become necessary.

Even though you are not elderly, you might want to visit a Certified Elder Law Attorney who can advise you on the best steps to take, and help set up a plan.

Simplify your investments as much as possible.

As for what I have done?
I have all legal documents completed, with alternates named for DPOA.
I am simplifying my investment portfolio.
I have listed all my accounts: medicare advantage plan, brokerage, banks, credit unions, credit cards, bills and how they are paid. I included the institution name, address, and phone number. The person to contact, if any, for each of them. The account numbers. Also the same for my very small pension.

If my husband is unable to take care of things, I have instructed my alternates to meet with our CPA for taxes, and consult with our attorney if needed.

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by Zabar » Wed Jun 18, 2014 3:57 pm

I think that there are two parallel tracks you should be pursuing. As mentioned above, you should set up DPAs and make sure that your investment policy statement and your healthcare-related wishes are clear to anyone who is involved in your healthcare and/or has access to your funds.

As a psychologist, I've seen several problems, including drug side-effects and depression, presenting with the same symptoms as early onset dementia. Talk to your physician about getting a referral to a neuropsychologist who's experienced at teasing these things out. An evaluation and medication review by a neurologist would be appropriate as well. Good luck!

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by letsgobobby » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:01 pm

you are right to seek several opinions in your case, especially from a neuropsychiatrist. You are young, but not too young, for dementia. If Alzheimer's, do the florbetapir scan which will tell you for sure. If the rule out is something else, it may not be as helpful.

I wrote in the other thread that a guardian is the way to go. Start interviewing one, now. Invite your lawyer and you and guardian to meet together, several times. Make sure they can work with each other. That is my recommendation if you do not have trustworthy family/friends (and much younger than you) to handle this.

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by LadyGeek » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:31 pm

This thread is now in the Personal Finance (Not Investing) (financial planning).

I also would like to confirm that the OP's request for a 2nd username was indeed approved by the moderators.

This is a sensitive issue, but please try to avoid giving medical advice (it's off-topic for a lot of reasons).
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staythecourse
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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by staythecourse » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:45 pm

Great question.

This is EASILY the most important worry I personally have when I age.

I agree with needing to address Durable Power of Attorneys pronto. On the finance side: If you have someone you trust and can "run the show" in the near future and beyond then great. Start talking to him/ her about where your money is, what liabilities you have now and in the short run, investing philosophy, etc... If not, I would STRONGLY suggest hiring a trusted FA to do it for you. Mr. Swedroe or Mr. Ferri I am sure would be useful to talk to and/ or get some advice. Just keep in mind if you are male and only 61 now your spouse (if you are married) may need help with the day to day issues for many years going forward as women live ?5+ years longer then men.

This is an area that I would have no issues dropping ALL the money into Wellington or balanced fund as appropriate by stock/ bond needs and just having the dividends just left in money market.

Good luck.

p.s. I am sure you are already thinking about it, but you are going to have to re-eval. your portfolio to this HUGE possible change in "need" with high likelihood of needing home care at some point in the future.
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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by ddunca1944 » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:50 pm

I would like to express my appreciation for bringing up a difficult, but too often very pertinent issue.

I think about this possibility a great deal due to my own family history.

As the family financial manager I have several goals:

Complete estate planning (wills, power of attorney, health care directives, letter of instruction to executor)

Simplify both the investments and the day to day finances as much as I possibly can Retirement accounts are divided between two Vanguard balanced funds, both low cost, RMD's are set to be automatically figured and distributed, regular bills are set to be paid automatically via credit card, credit card set to be automatically paid from checking account, which is automatically replenished monthly with pension, SS, and RMD's.

Create a monthly "Financial To Do" sheet that is mostly confirming the above transactions are posted

Find and designate someone who could take over if both my spouse and I become incapable

The first three are done but I still need to do the 4th. Am considering a nephew but need to discuss with him. Am also planning to look into the possibility of a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community)

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by Valuethinker » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:51 pm

therealityhits wrote:I don't know if this is the right section, but here goes.

To start off with, this is a secondary ID approved by the moderators. As you read further into this message you will see why.

I used to participate regularly in this forum and some of you would recognize my main ID and know exactly who I am. At this time, I wish to keep it a secret. Well anyway, about two years ago (?) my participation tapered off. It tapered off in a lot of other things. Other things happened. I quit reading books and magazines; my short term memory went to crap; etc.

Over the years, there have been a lot of discussions about what to do once you start to lose your mental sharpness. Most of it has been theoretical. In my case it no longer is. You see, I am relatively young, 61, and have recently been diagnosed with Progressive Dementia. Now this is not an agreed upon diagnosis. One doctor feels my mental cloudiness (my term, not his) is due to the amount of drugs I am taking, another feels it is a classic case of Progressive Dementia.

I am putting my money on the diagnosis of Progressive Dementia. I cut back on a lot of the drugs and the cloudiness has not disappeared (though I finally did complete my first book in 6 months.) and in all honesty problems began before the drugs.

So the purpose of this discussion, is to talk about the reality of handling investment, taxes, etc, once you really become less sharp.

Now I know there will be lot of gee I am sorry post, but please known of that. What is, is. My goal is what you in actuality versus what you would do think you will do once the rubber hits the road versus what you think you will do.

The reality hits


I am sorry for what you are facing. There are new drugs out there in trials, but, it seems, no real solutions as yet. One thinks of Terry Pratchett (something similar to your situation).

Simplify your portfolio aggressively. Balanced funds or simply the 3 fund portfolio. KISS. Don't be afraid to pay some tax to achieve this goal.

Try to involve your spouse or partner (if you have one) in investment decisions. So they know what to do in general principle. If you don't it gets harder, but you do have to have Powers of Attorney in place.

If you can get a clear diagnosis, you will qualify for an 'impaired life' annuity (maybe). That pays a significantly higher level of income, and with a survivor option it might be wise to annuitize *some* of your savings.

As mental faculties decline then stability of daily life and location becomes increasingly important. If you are not sure you can live on in your current arrangements long term, then it might be worth grasping that nettle now.

My father was killed in an accident. We had no access to his passwords or accounts- -didn't know where stuff was on his computer. It was a real mess. Try to write all that stuff down, where a family member can find it.

Anticipating when you will need cash is hard, but again a KISS portfolio if you can will help you or whoever has to make those decisions.

Once again I am sorry to hear about your situation and wish you the best and Godspeed.

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by Fallible » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:58 pm

I thought it would be helpful to pull together what I see as among the more urgent recommendations posted here thus far:

1) elder law attorney (guardianship, POA, etc.)
2) additional medical evaluation (your doctor's referral to a neuropsychologist, neurologist)

I also would recommend having a family member(s) or close friends be with you during these appointments. You may already have such support, but I thought I should mention it since you didn't.

I base my comments on my family's experience caring for older relatives with dementia. The best medical and legal team we could assemble were keys to dealing with the reality.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by hicabob » Wed Jun 18, 2014 5:12 pm

staythecourse wrote:Great question.

This is EASILY the most important worry I personally have when I age.

I agree with needing to address Durable Power of Attorneys pronto. On the finance side: If you have someone you trust and can "run the show" in the near future and beyond then great. Start talking to him/ her about where your money is, what liabilities you have now and in the short run, investing philosophy, etc... If not, I would STRONGLY suggest hiring a trusted FA to do it for you. Mr. Swedroe or Mr. Ferri I am sure would be useful to talk to and/ or get some advice. Just keep in mind if you are male and only 61 now your spouse (if you are married) may need help with the day to day issues for many years going forward as women live ?5+ years longer then men.

This is an area that I would have no issues dropping ALL the money into Wellington or balanced fund as appropriate by stock/ bond needs and just having the dividends just left in money market.

Good luck.

p.s. I am sure you are already thinking about it, but you are going to have to re-eval. your portfolio to this HUGE possible change in "need" with high likelihood of needing home care at some point in the future.


I like the Wellington or equivalent suggestion. One of my kids has been indoctrinated and trained to be a boglehead which will be my backup.

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by MP1233 » Wed Jun 18, 2014 5:19 pm

I take this topic very seriously, because the reality is that we will all become disabled eventually unless you are one of the "lucky" ones who dies suddenly. Even then, someone will have to come along and try to make sense of your financial situation. I have always been interested in personal finance, but that is not the case with my wife. I am four years older than her, so it is quite likely that she will outlive me by ten years or more. I am currently educating our two sons to help her with her finances when I am gone. We are fortunate that they are both well grounded sensible people. If we did not have them, I am not sure what we would do. As with most Bogleheads, I really hate the idea of paying a professional 25% of annual withdrawals.

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by VictoriaF » Wed Jun 18, 2014 5:24 pm

I am very sorry about your condition and hope that it improves as much as possible. Best of luck!

Victoria
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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by BlueEars » Wed Jun 18, 2014 11:11 pm

therealityhits wrote:...(snip)...
What is, is. My goal is what you in actuality versus what you would do think you will do once the rubber hits the road versus what you think you will do.

The reality hits
I take it that you want concrete actions that we would do or have done.

Here is what I have done:
1) Set up a revocable living trust that handles the legal side of things.
2) Attorney also did the other medical and power of attorney stuff. Important but boring to me.
3) The trust specifies Vanguard as the financial firm to do the investment chores along with the executor we have named.
Note: Vanguard has a separate wing of the firm devoted to managing trust type situations. One should contact them for details and specifics that must be put into the trust document. They will want copies of the trust document.
4) I wrote out a letter of current thoughts on the best way for my wife to handle affairs and manage the money. But times change (wars, depressions, etc.) and so I have made the letter pretty general.
5) I've put copies of key documents in our safe deposit box and educated wife on how to proceed to follow the trail. She is not very interested in financial matters except to be an enthusiastic cheerleader for me, bless her heart. I even included some photos of where a few items are located in our house.

In your case I would think you want to actually implement what I've only written about in #4 above. As others have pointed out above, a simple portfolio is best. I'm always impressed how the Wellington and Wellesley funds have managed to do well in various markets over extended periods of times.

Best of wishes to you!!!

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by gtmn » Thu Jun 19, 2014 12:34 am

I think it will be important to notice how your decision making and communicating change as symptoms fluctuate over the short term and trend over the long term. You could keep a brief journal about how you do on good days vs. bad days. For example, on good days you may make better decisions than on bad days. Another example, on good days you may be more assertive and on bad days you may be more susceptible to the influence of others. If you recognize it's a bad day, maybe your best decision is to postpone the decision until you get a good day or have a chance to discuss it with someone you trust. By having a journal to look back on, you may notice patterns in your decision making and how it is changing over time.

As for investments, I would explain to my spouse why you chose this investment plan and constructed this portfolio so they're prepared to maintain the plan, and so that the plan reflects their risk profile and needs. If my wife were to take over our portfolio today, the risk level would skyrocket because she likes individual stocks and hasn't read a single Bogle book.

I wish you the best!

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by plannerman » Thu Jun 19, 2014 8:12 am

If you haven't already done so, and if it's not too late, you should consider seeking admission to a Continuing Care Retirement Community with facilities for long-term dementia care.
Otherwise, the burden on your care providers will be overwhelming.

plannerman

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by LadyGeek » Thu Jun 19, 2014 2:12 pm

BlueEars wrote:5) I've put copies of key documents in our safe deposit box and educated wife on how to proceed to follow the trail. She is not very interested in financial matters except to be an enthusiastic cheerleader for me, bless her heart. I even included some photos of where a few items are located in our house.

I'd like to point out a possible roadblock with a safe deposit box. If the owner passes, it will be quite a while to retrieve key documents - unless it's a will. Keeping copies in the house is a good idea.

In PA, safe deposit boxes are locked down upon the death of an owner (unless you are the spouse as co-owner). Here's the official guidance: Pennsylvania Inheritance Tax and Safe Deposit Boxes

The wiki has tax website links for each state with an estate or inheritance tax: Estate and inheritance tax (State estate and inheritance taxes)
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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by therealityhits » Thu Jun 19, 2014 2:19 pm

I want to thank everybody for their concerns and suggestions. They were most helpful. I am currently revising my will and estate plan, probably for the last time. I am making plans to talk to an eldercare attorney to see what else needs to be done

I was always much smarter than the average bear, now I am just a little bit smarter. I am far from incompetent now, but things are going to get worse. My short term memory is semi-shot. Yesterday I went out to lunch with my wife. Three hours later, I had no idea as to where we had gone. If I am asked to do X and somehow get distracted, I forget to do X. I can still acquire new information provided it is in a subject I have previous knowledge about. Acquiring new information in other areas is difficult at best

I already have a trust company involved managing our assets. (We are worth $6 million plus). My major goal right now is to make things automatic for my spouse. She had a small stroke a few years back and is no longer good with numbers. I am eliminating the problem investments, e.g., Master Limited Partnerships. I don't know what to do about the rental condos. They are just too damn profitable at this point.

I am deathly afraid of becoming truly incompetent!

The reality hits

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Re: when the rubber hits the road

Post by dumbbunny » Thu Jun 19, 2014 2:51 pm

I hope that you get your house in order and that you can live out your life with dignity.
This situation reminds me to be thankful for what I have and to be thankful for what I don't have.
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When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by therealityhits » Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:37 pm

[Update merged into here, see below. --admin LadyGeek]

When the Rubber Hits the Road

I recently got a private email and I decided to update everyone as to my condition.

As I might have stated in my earlier message last yaer, there was always some debate as to exactly what I had. Well I am now 99% sure I have a dementia of some form. About 6 months ago, I joined an on-line telephone support group for early dementia sufferers run by the Alzheimer Association. My symptoms and progression matches the other participants symptoms.

I still don’t drive and recently got a disable bus pass for my town. I have learned you do not tell anyone you have a dementia disease because once they know they treat you differently and your opinion about anything isn’t worth sh*t.

My ability to acquire new information is still very poor and getting worse. Unless I have a hook to grab hold of, it is a semi-waste of time. Take reading of mystery books. I used to enjoy it. Today unless it is based upon a character I know before I find them too difficult to follow. Thus a Walt Longmire or Jack Reacher mystery is still enjoyable but not a other mysteries. For the last two years, I have participated in an adult discussion groups called the great books run the OLLI (Osher Lifelong Learning Institute). Just got the list for the new season and the material looks very complex.

Even if I have a hook, acquiring technical information can be very difficult. For a few years, I was a volunteer tax preparer for the AARP. Last year, I could not even pass the most basic test.

A number of responders suggested I do something regarding password access to accounts, names of professionals I use, etc. I have done so. I recently came across a 22-page Personal Inventory Manager which I am using for that purpose.

As stated in my last series of messages, I am using a full service money management firm, US Trust Company of New York, rather than simplify my portfolio (2-3 Vanguard Funds) or use Vanguard Trust Company. USTCNY is 10X as expensive as a self-managed Vanguard portfolio and 3X as using VTC. Why I chose to use USTCNY is open to debate. Perhaps (a) it is because I have a long working relationship with them involving other trusts, (b) my wife has had two strokes and she feels she would be incapable of self-management, (c) my wife and I feel our daughter has her own life to live or (d) maybe because USTCNY would manage non traditional assets that my spouse or VTC would not/could not. For example, I own some rental properties. USTCNY would take over management if asked. VTC would not touch any asset other than publicly traded stocks or mutual funds. Finally USTCNY would be intimately involved in the probate of my estate. Any other solution, my spouse would have to do it alone.

As part of the disease I have realized I am no longer concerned with my portfolio or the assets contained therein. Six years ago, I would look at the assets every week. Two years ago, maybe once a month. Now I don’t look at them at all..

A year ago there was some discussion on how to fund some charitable bequests. A fair number thought I was giving away money I might need at a later date. After talking it over with my “advisors” I have come to agree with they naysayers. What I am doing instead is giving away money in my annuities upon the death of the survivor of me and or my wife. In other words, we will have no need for it when it goes.

For those of you who say why not leave it to my child, the answer is simple. She is already independent wealthy and she will inherit over 50% of our assets. These charities mean a lot to us.

We have started to travel a lot more. This year we are going to take four separate trips culminated by a month in Hawaii.

I am starting to seriously look at my own mortality. I figure I have between 5 and 7 good years before I am in a truly bad place. I told the support group that I would take try and take matters into my own hands before it got that bad. The group facilitator took umbrage with that feeling. But then every participant of the group expressed identical feelings. It is one thing to lose control of the body, quite another to lose your identity.

I hope the rest of you are doing well and never find yourself in my position. Any questions, just ask.

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by easye418 » Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:45 pm

First of all, terrible to hear about your condition.
Second, it is disturbing that you are admitting that you will take your own life if it gets to bad. It's difficult to put myself in your shoes, but it is your choice in the end.
Third, I assume you have research and looked to all ends of the Earth for some sort of remedy or something to slow the condition down?
Fourth, would you mind sharing your age?

Best of luck. It looks like you will be able to spend a good chunk of time with your loved ones and have plenty of time for preparation and everything you want to get done. Most of all, relax and enjoy the time you have and those vacations.

It puts things into perspective for me in my 20's is that life might not always go your way so enjoy each and every day you have on this Earth to the fullest.
Last edited by easye418 on Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by BL » Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:47 pm

Thank you for sharing some of this difficult journey. Our best to you.

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by unclescrooge » Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:52 pm

sorry to hear this.

Is there anything you can do to slow this down?

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by Levett » Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:54 pm

You are an extraordinarily courageous person for laying things out so clearly and bluntly.

Please don't overlook the fact that you write clearly and compellingly. A lot is still working.

We can all learn a valuable lesson with your help: we are not nearly as invulnerable as we (pretend) to think.

I hope you keep posting, as I will be looking for those posts.

What you have said is far more valuable to me than five-factor (or is it ten?) or tilting or whatever is the flavor of the day.

You are reality.

My sincere best wishes and you have my unqualified admiration.

Lev

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by Wildebeest » Wed Jul 29, 2015 5:20 pm

Therealityhits

You are inspiring. I hope that when my rubber hits the road, I will have your attitude.

Levett says it best.

Thanks for the update and I also will look forward to your postings.


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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by PartIrish » Wed Jul 29, 2015 5:25 pm

I am sorry to hear of the health challenges you are facing, and wish you the best going forward. There is some promising news on the horizon, which came out of the recent annual conference on Alzheimer's that took place last week. [Medical news and links related to the Alzheimer's conference removed by admin LadyGeek]

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by Hikes_With_Dogs » Wed Jul 29, 2015 6:16 pm

I am so sorry for your condition. Thank you for sharing. You a brave man and I wish you the best of luck.

How is your family taking the news?

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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by blueblock » Wed Jul 29, 2015 6:59 pm

I'm sorry for your diagnosis, and want to thank you for your candor here. It is valuable news and much appreciated.

My partner and I are united in a commitment to help the other shuffle the mortal coil, legally, if something like this happens to us. The question, of course, is when, given that there will be good days and bad days.

I wish you many, many good days to come.

Fallible
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Re: When the rubber his the road - an update

Post by Fallible » Wed Jul 29, 2015 7:33 pm

I'm very sorry to learn of your condition. Your acceptance of the diagnosis and understanding of the disease, along with the preparation and other steps you've taken thus far to deal with it, will greatly ease things for you and your family. And now enjoy those vacation trips!
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LadyGeek
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Re: when the rubber hits the road [updated]

Post by LadyGeek » Wed Jul 29, 2015 7:42 pm

therealityhits - I merged your update back into the original thread, as it's important that everyone see this in its full context. I also retitled the thread.

I'm familiar with dementia, and admire your fortitude to post here.
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LadyGeek
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Re: when the rubber hits the road [updated]

Post by LadyGeek » Wed Jul 29, 2015 7:52 pm

I removed some recent medical news that came out of the recent Alzheimer's conference. As noted earlier, please do not discuss any medical issues.
To some, the glass is half full. To others, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, it's twice the size it needs to be.

littlebird
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Re: when the rubber hits the road [updated]

Post by littlebird » Wed Jul 29, 2015 9:46 pm

I know this may be the most painful bit of all, but, especially with a wife who has had 2 strokes, if it were me I would start visiting assisted living facilities, especially those with attached skilled nursing. There may come a time when you or she can no longer be cared for at home and it may happen very suddenly. Best that you've picked out the nicest and most suitable places(s) possible by yourselves and make sure that those who will be assisting you know which these places are. It may even be necessary to leave a deposit at some of the best places. And it will be a burden lifted from your daughter's shoulders as well as from your's and your wife's.

letsgobobby
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Re: when the rubber hits the road [updated]

Post by letsgobobby » Wed Jul 29, 2015 10:51 pm

Thanks for the update, and for your willingness to disclose so much.

This is such an important topic. Lifetime incidence rates will explain why.

By the time we are 85, if we are lucky enough to have reached 85, 40% of us will have dementia.

For some that may seem light years away. But consider that we spend a lot of Boglehead bandwidth discussing 2-4% SWRs, which are necessary only to sustain 30-40 year retirements, which in most cases are only relevant if we live to at least 85.

In other words: planning for an SWR of 4% or less, without planning to develop dementia, is internally inconsistent.

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