Wedding ceremony fee based reverends

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bigragu
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Wedding ceremony fee based reverends

Post by bigragu » Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:40 pm

Hey Bogelheads

Is there a such a thing as a Better Business Burrough for reverends? My fiance & I are getting married October in the courtyard at our reception hall.One reverend already blew us off.We cant take any more chances with a reverend who might not show up at our wedding.Any way to check up on fee based reverends.Thanks

MWCA
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Re: Wedding ceremony fee based reverends

Post by MWCA » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:07 pm

bigragu wrote:Hey Bogelheads

Is there a such a thing as a Better Business Burrough for reverends? My fiance & I are getting married October in the courtyard at our reception hall.One reverend already blew us off.We cant take any more chances with a reverend who might not show up at our wedding.Any way to check up on fee based reverends.Thanks
If all you care about in a reverend is their fee or fee process. Why not grab a justice of the peace? Getting married by the clergy should be more than just about the fee.

tibbitts
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huh?

Post by tibbitts » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:20 pm

You are getting married in October. How can someone have "blown you off" in January? Blowing you off would be failing showing up on your wedding day in October, without any notice.

Paul

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Raybo
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Post by Raybo » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:23 pm

In California, just about anyone can marry you. Are you sure you need a member of the clergy?

Further, someone you know can become a minister of the Universal Life Church (on-line) for free and they can officiate at the ceremony and it is all perfectly legal.

Ray
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gatorman
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Post by gatorman » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:24 pm

I had some friends who could not find a member of the clergy to do the deed and found a ship captain to step in. He did a good job. In most states a notary can do a wedding, so maybe you should look for a suitably well spoken notary to do it. I've done a couple marriages myself for clients and always had a blast doing it.
Good luck,
Gatorman

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bigragu
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MWCA

Post by bigragu » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:24 pm

MWCA

Where did I say my wedding was all about the fee & fee process? We dont care what the cost is. All priests & reverends charge fees.That goes with out saying.Our concern is that a reverend might not show up.My fiance & I are not the same religion.So we need a third party reverend.Read my post a little better next time before you make such judgements.The only reason I used the term "fee based" was to make it a litle Bogelhead tung & cheek terminology.

MWCA
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Post by MWCA » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:37 pm

My post was fairly neutral if you were looking for something to get offended about I guess you found it. My advice still stands. Pay a justice of the peace to wed you.

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dm200
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Not true!

Post by dm200 » Thu Jan 03, 2008 8:23 pm

All priests & reverends charge fees.
While some clergy charge very high fees (even for members of their congregations), others either charge nothig or accept whatever "donation" is given.

One Baptist minister I know well always gives the couple back whatever money they give him.

dan

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not showing up

Post by tibbitts » Thu Jan 03, 2008 8:26 pm

You are planning awfully far ahead. People can get sick or die; the hall could burn down; any number of other things could go wrong.

Whenever you hire someone as a very small business to do a job, you have to realize that that person may not be able to perform the work. I operate my own small business and have missed or was late for work four times in the past 16 years: twice due to weather (airport being closed or flight delays), once due to health (unexpected trip to emergency room), and once (very embarrassing!) due to forgetting about daylight saving time. Two of those times I was able to get someone else fully capable to take my place.

So I would suggest that you have to take some responsibility yourself in terms of contingency planning if you really, really need this to happen exactly at the predetermined time.

I would also suggest that the reverend is one of the more trivial pieces you need to have in place. If he/she doesn't show, you can grab anybody who owns a suit and ask them to say the usual "stuff" to marry you. You can make it legal later.

Paul

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Post by snowbound » Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:22 pm

A third party Reverend? As far as I know you can have one from either of your religions. Having a clery from any faith puts a religious stamp on the ceremony. It sounds like you would be better off using the services of a secular person and not a religious one.
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Met Income
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Post by Met Income » Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:25 pm

MWCA wrote:My post was fairly neutral if you were looking for something to get offended about I guess you found it. My advice still stands. Pay a justice of the peace to wed you.
No, it wasn't. You said: "If all you care about in a reverend is their fee or fee process..." when his post didn't imply that. He's worried about the dude showing up.

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Post by MWCA » Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:50 pm

Met Income wrote:
MWCA wrote:My post was fairly neutral if you were looking for something to get offended about I guess you found it. My advice still stands. Pay a justice of the peace to wed you.
No, it wasn't. You said: "If all you care about in a reverend is their fee or fee process..." when his post didn't imply that. He's worried about the dude showing up.
I guess we can agree to disagree friend :)

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Met Income
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Post by Met Income » Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:53 pm

MWCA wrote:
Met Income wrote:
MWCA wrote:My post was fairly neutral if you were looking for something to get offended about I guess you found it. My advice still stands. Pay a justice of the peace to wed you.
No, it wasn't. You said: "If all you care about in a reverend is their fee or fee process..." when his post didn't imply that. He's worried about the dude showing up.
I guess we can agree to disagree friend :)
What's there to disagree about?

Where did he imply what you said?

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roymeo
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Post by roymeo » Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:17 pm

Rev. roymeo to the mediation rescue!

I believe that MWCA meant "If you don't care about such things as the religon of the minister, and merely want someone to officiate to your desires, why don't you..."


And I believe that at least some people read it more like "Geeze, if ALL you CARE about is MONEY, why don't you..."


I believe there are MANY MANY things one may take for granted in an officiant for a wedding ceremony/marriage certificate signing: showing up on time the correct day, not launching into a 15 minute sermon about how the bride had better drag her Buddhist husband-in-a-minute to the feet of Jesus, being able to deliver the minister's spoken bits clearly without too many stumbles, being able to pronounce the couple's names correctly, not throwing a molotov cocktail at the wedding party, leaving the children alone, etc.


I think it's easy to read a lot of things into "if all you care about is the money" because money is such a weighted topic in our society.
The sewer system is a form of welfare state. | -- "Libra", Don DeLillo

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Met Income
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Post by Met Income » Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:19 pm

roymeo wrote:Rev. roymeo to the mediation rescue!

I believe that MWCA meant "If you don't care about such things as the religon of the minister, and merely want someone to officiate to your desires, why don't you..."


And I believe that at least some people read it more like "Geeze, if ALL you CARE about is MONEY, why don't you..."


I believe there are MANY MANY things one may take for granted in an officiant for a wedding ceremony/marriage certificate signing: showing up on time the correct day, not launching into a 15 minute sermon about how the bride had better drag her Buddhist husband-in-a-minute to the feet of Jesus, being able to deliver the minister's spoken bits clearly without too many stumbles, being able to pronounce the couple's names correctly, not throwing a molotov cocktail at the wedding party, leaving the children alone, etc.


I think it's easy to read a lot of things into "if all you care about is the money" because money is such a weighted topic in our society.
He also said:

"Getting married by the clergy should be more than just about the fee." That's pretty specific and there's not much to mistakenly read into IMO

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roymeo
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Post by roymeo » Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:26 pm

Oh, and I've done a handful of real signing of the marriage certificates and a handful of real weddings. Some of them have been both, but not always.

My standing offer is that the couple gets to choose my hair-color for the ceremony.


I've also been "backup" for more than a handful of weddings and signings.... It can make the couple feel a lot better if they know they have one or two friends who can jump in and read the script if necessary. You never know when a car-collision will happen.

roymeo (ULC minister since 1991)
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roymeo
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Post by roymeo » Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:31 pm

I'm not sure how "Getting married by the clergy should be more than just about the fee." could be so offensive. That sort of dovetails with my reading of the beginning as "If your top priority isn't religion based..."

It may be OPINIONATED, but that doesn't mean we necessarily need to start an Inquisition. To be truely offensive, I think we need at least 2 paragraphs. :)

roymeo
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wlpotts
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Suggestion...

Post by wlpotts » Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:39 am

As another poster relayed a variety of scenarios that does happen on wedding days.

My suggestion is to research bridal/wedding associations in your area. There numerous resources within these organizations for you to get feedback and referrals on reputable officiates.

More often the case of reality is NOT the officiate appearance, but rather what happens if you or your beloved gets cold feet and no shows?

Disclosure: I'm a wedding planner.

Respectfully,

Warren P.
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Met Income
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Post by Met Income » Fri Jan 04, 2008 6:51 am

roymeo wrote:I'm not sure how "Getting married by the clergy should be more than just about the fee." could be so offensive. That sort of dovetails with my reading of the beginning as "If your top priority isn't religion based..."

It may be OPINIONATED, but that doesn't mean we necessarily need to start an Inquisition. To be truely offensive, I think we need at least 2 paragraphs. :)

roymeo
It implies all he cared about was the fee, when I don't see that in his post.

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dm200
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No,

Post by dm200 » Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:17 am

A third party Reverend? As far as I know you can have one from either of your religions.
This is not, necessarily, true. Some religions/denominations will not even perform weddings for parties not both of that religion/denomination, or not without some degree of commitment and preparation. Others might do it, with conditions.

Other religions and denominations may very well preform almost any wedding almost anywhere.

dan

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Post by bearcat98 » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:25 am

AFAIK, the best way to check up on clergy for weddings is word-of-mouth. I know that's not helpful.

Moving on to the unsolicited advice, I second both the suggestion for a secular officiant and the suggestion to have clergy from both of your traditions co-officiate. Only you can decide if a religious ceremony is important even if it doesn't quite reflect either of your traditions, but it's worth thinking about. I also know it's not always possible to have clergy from two traditions co-officiate a ceremony, and when they do it can turn into a "dueling pastors" event (I've seen an evangelical pastor co-officiate with a non-Christian once...it was interesting, but a little uncomfortable for all involved); even so, sometimes it can work wonderfully, and you have built-in backup in case one doesn't show.

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bigragu
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Wow guys!!

Post by bigragu » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:17 pm

I never thought that my OT would end up so lively.Some very interesting posts.I am not offended by any of them.But it is safe to say, that the answer to my question is:there is no BBB for reverends.Thanks everyone.

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Opponent Process
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Re: No,

Post by Opponent Process » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:12 pm

dm200 wrote:
A third party Reverend? As far as I know you can have one from either of your religions.
This is not, necessarily, true. Some religions/denominations will not even perform weddings for parties not both of that religion/denomination, or not without some degree of commitment and preparation. Others might do it, with conditions.

Other religions and denominations may very well preform almost any wedding almost anywhere.

dan
I think you would need to represent a weighted average of the two religions.

Can you really afford for only one spouse to go to heaven? Or it is still "til death do you part"?

Before anyone asks, Jesus would have taken Mary M. to Vegas.

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