Anyone else not enjoy going out?

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thechoson
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Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by thechoson » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:04 pm

Seems like I am getting antisocial as I get older (though I'm only 29). But I increasingly dislike and find it a chore to go out to crowded places.

I don't know if it's my imagination, but people seem to be getting ruder by the day.

I just cannot stand going to crowded places like sporting events, malls, and theme parks anymore.

I do enjoy going to quieter for out of the way places for recreation though.

raisin mountaineer
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me too sometimes

Post by raisin mountaineer » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:28 pm

I found in my late twenties that I had sensory overload in noisy places. My friends liked to shop at the Mall of America; I found the "amusement park" in the middle of the mall so loud that I couldn't function. Business trips to Las Vegas (the only reason I would go) are physically painful, and I have had to be assisted to get out of a casino because the lights and bells disorient me so badly (alcohol was not involved). Places with loud music, like bars, are unnerving.

That said, I'm fine with big crowds if I"m outdoors (like the Minnesota State Fair or an outdoor concert), or if the crowded indoors is acoustic (like church or a classical or acoustic concert or folk dance). I don't regard myself as anti-social, but more of a person who needs spaces between the noise.

I'm in my 50s now, and finding those things that I like vs. what I don't like has to some extent driven my choice of friends and activities. It's all about finding out who you really are, and shedding the things that don't "fit."

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Post by snyder66 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:31 pm

Right there with ya. Just got back from a wedding reception and oddly enough, I do like to dance. Maybe it's the interaction with women on the dance floor, I'm happily married. Butt, Any place where you have to force yourself to be social and talk to people, is difficult for me...

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Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by Die Hard » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:39 pm

thechoson wrote:Seems like I am getting antisocial as I get older (though I'm only 29). But I increasingly dislike and find it a chore to go out to crowded places.

I don't know if it's my imagination, but people seem to be getting ruder by the day.

I just cannot stand going to crowded places like sporting events, malls, and theme parks anymore.

I do enjoy going to quieter for out of the way places for recreation though.
I see nothing wrong with feeling as you do. And, I wouldn't say you are antisocial. I would say you are completely normal.
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Post by Snowjob » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:42 pm

29 also,

I don't think many people, regardless of age would enjoy a really really really loud club/bar or any other situation where you cannot hear the person next to you.

Crowds are ok as long as 1, you have the expectation of the crowd and 2, you are waiting for something cool that doesnt dissapoint. I love amusement parks etc. But traffic? F that! I have developed road rage after about 5 years of the commute. I cant stand traffic. :evil:

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Post by tim1999 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:11 pm

edited
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Bruin
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Post by Bruin » Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:42 pm

There's a difference between being anti-social and not enjoying hanging out in crowded, loud, obnoxious places.

If you never like hanging out with anyone, you're anti-social.

If you prefer hanging out with people at the park, engaging with them in sports, hanging out at home watching the game, barbequing, or going to more mellow bars - that's not anti-social. That's just not liking loud obnoxious places.

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Post by mwm158 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:43 pm

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Post by jh » Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:02 pm

...
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Post by HongKonger » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:13 am

Yup, same here.

I'm late 30s and rarely do I feel the inclination to go out. I love nothing more than closing my front door on a Friday night and not having to speak to anyone or go out until its time for work on Monday morning.

It is unfortuante that my work requires me to maintain a certain profile which obligates me to attend nurmerous events during the working week. I play the game well but dislike it intensely. I would rather be at home with my cats enjoying peace and quiet.

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Post by stan1 » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:49 am

An internet forum such as this is likely to attract Myers-Briggs introverts, so not surprising. The classic definition is that introverts get their energy from within (thinking, recharging) whereas extraverts get their energy from other people. Most people are a combination of both.

Introversion is not anti-social behavior. Anti-social behavior is a lack of consideration for others, or deliberately doing things that are harmful/offensive to others.

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TxAg
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Post by TxAg » Sun Aug 14, 2011 1:34 am

29 here also.

I don't mind going out occasionally, but I'll admit that it's much easier when single. Since I committed to a serious relationship (and now marriage) there just isn't the same "pull" to go out and put up with loud places...plus, hangovers hurt more than they used to.

I don't mind a casual night out........but it's once a month now, not twice a week.

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Post by GammaPoint » Sun Aug 14, 2011 2:09 am

28 here, and I'm also not a huge fan of going out regardless of the noise level. If it's going to be loud, I'll really not enjoy it. Really don't enjoy getting dressed up to go out and drink expensive drinks while standing around say "what? what?".

I've been in a relationship for 12 years now, so I don't have the sexual motivation that single men would have to go out and do these sort of things. My wife does enjoy going out though, and so we go out occasionally with friends. It can be fun as long as it's a chill place where we can easily talk, although I'm personally usually much more comfortable hanging out at home and just having friends over for drinks.

We enjoy nice restaurants though, but that's a different sort of thing. It would take all day for me to cook 2 different appetizers, 2 different entrees, and a dessert, so it's worth having someone else make something interesting. But alcoholic drinks are rarely interesting, and don't take time to make at home anyway.

rylemdr
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Post by rylemdr » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:03 am

I'm only 21, but I don't like crowded places too. I also hate falling in line and it is hard for me to talk to strangers and make new friends. I am extremely picky with friends. I think I am what people would call an introvert.

There are also times when I just want to be alone. Especially when I wake up or when I am tired. I like to take time just being with my thoughts or reading, and when people are around I get really agitated and get into a sulking mood. Once I get my "alone fix", I am content and I don't mind having people around anymore.

I'm not sure if what I feel is unusual. I'm thinking I may still have some teenage feelings I have yet to shake off.

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Post by gkaplan » Sun Aug 14, 2011 6:59 am

Hi! My name is Gordon, and I'm anti-social.
Gordon

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Post by gatorman » Sun Aug 14, 2011 7:25 am

rylemdr wrote:I'm only 21, but I don't like crowded places too. I also hate falling in line and it is hard for me to talk to strangers and make new friends. I am extremely picky with friends. I think I am what people would call an introvert.

There are also times when I just want to be alone. Especially when I wake up or when I am tired. I like to take time just being with my thoughts or reading, and when people are around I get really agitated and get into a sulking mood. Once I get my "alone fix", I am content and I don't mind having people around anymore.

I'm not sure if what I feel is unusual. I'm thinking I may still have some teenage feelings I have yet to shake off.
Human beings are all wired differently, some need to have people around them all the time and require constant interaction in order to keep their mental battery charged and some recharge it by having a little downtime/solitude every day. The trick is to figure ut what kind of person you are and then to live your life accordingly. You are not unusual in needing a little recharge time every day, nor is your needing that time a sign of immaturity. Many people, myself included, feel similarly. After dealing with people and their problems all day, when I get home the thing I need the most is about 30 minutes of peace and quiet. After that, I'm prepared to be sociable, but I do need that decompression time.

If you want to understand yourself a little better, you might consider taking a few of the personality inventories available. I did, and discovered many things about myself that were probably pretty obvious to everyone but me.

I'll just conclude by saying that it is good thing you are thinking about these matters while you are still quite young, many don't get around to it until they are in mid-career or beyond, and not understanding who you are and what makes you tick is a great impediment to your journey through life.

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Post by jridger2011 » Sun Aug 14, 2011 9:54 am

I do enjoy going out, but it is very expensive in the city for drinks and dinner and a cab ride home after those drinks. I'm not one to go out alone so with company in tow we can go from place to place to hang out, that adds up very fast. I can do this only 1-2 times a month without feeling guilty about it.

As an alternative, it is less expensive to meet friends for weekend lunches and then go home. Not going out is a mistake, too, to not keep good company if you are lucky to have them in your life.

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Post by Triple digit golfer » Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:25 am

I find this extremely annoying:

Friends ask you to go out to a bar or club.

You go out with friends.

Friends have several other people there.

There are several groups together, none of whom know each other.

You do the stupid, fake nice introductions, shaking hands and saying hello and nice to meet you.

You don't remember any names, you'll never see any of these people again, it's too loud to talk to anybody, and all of you end up sitting there drinking without talking to anybody, including your friends.

You wish you were at home watching Sportscenter.

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Post by MWCA » Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:29 am

I don't like dealing with crowds or traffic. However, if I really want to go somewhere I dont let it interfere with my enjoyment.
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Post by yobria » Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:33 am

You know what the say - You know you're 30 when the phone rings on a Saturday night...and you hope it's the wrong number...

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Post by scrabbler1 » Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:10 am

My interest in going out has waned a lot over the years. I am 48 now, but back when I was in my 20s and still working full-time (I am an early retiree since late 2008 and worked part-time from 2001-2008), I went out a lot, sometimes with small crowds and sometimes with larger crowds.

But as I entered my 30s in the 1990s, my interest in going out declined. I attended fewer and fewer sporting events, for example. I was becoming more and more worn out after a long day of work and just wanted to get home. I went to fewer and fewer movies. I ate out less.

In the 2000s, this trend continued and accelerated. I have not been to any sporting event since 1997 (U.S. Open Tennis). The awful commute to work took its toll so I lessened it by working 2-3 days per week. I did take on some volunteer work and resurrected hobbies with my free time but the groups are fairly small and pretty close-knit so I know everyone. Not working any more has eliminated the awful commute, the best part about being an early retiree.

I like going to my co-op's outdoor pool in the summer just to read a book for an hour or two. I go in the late morning when it is usually quiet, as do others who often read or sunbathe.

I hate traffic, too, so I drive maybe 3,000 miles per year, and very rarely during the rush hours. My ladyfriend of several years doesn't like crowds, either. When we go out to eat, it is usually during off-times such as non-Saturday nights and before the peak hours so the places are quieter. We wait for the rare movies we want to see to have been out a few weeks so the crowds are smaller.

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Post by deerhunter » Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:31 am

My wife and I used to enjoy going to bars. This was when they played good country music (1970-1980). Now I hate going into anyplace that has loud noise (today's music)

So we go to the Fraternal Order of Eagles where usually there is no music and we can visit and talk without blasting in your ears. I might add beer is only a $1.50 and mixed drinks are $2 to 3 bucks

I hate big cities, avoid them if at all possible. We do travel a lot and try to find routes that by pass heavy traffic areas.

We occasionally go to dances where they play the old music, rock and roll of the 50's and 60's (pre-Beatles). My favorite is a live band that plays old country with steel guitar, fiddle and mouth harp. Fortunately there are a few left, especially in South Texas where we spend the winter.
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Post by chaz » Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:46 am

I agree with OP.
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Post by djw » Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:58 am

Wow, I've been lurking and posting here for 5 years and this is one of the top ten threads I've seen.

My wife and I retired at 55 exactly one year ago. Three days a week we never get into the car or leave the neighborhood. Three days we drive only within our small town (pop. 1000). About one day a week we drive to a larger nearby town to buy stuff and do errands we can't do in our own town (e.g. our town has only two restaurants, a diner and a pizza parlor, and the pizza parlor has been closed the last 6 months for renovations by the new owners).

I recall foolishly going to an amusement park with friends one 4th of July. It was literally shoulder-to-shoulder and unbearably hot, humid, and LOUD... even before the fireworks finally began. It was also nearly all paved with nowhere to sit down. I recall finding a very small patch of grass where I could sit down with my back against a tree and my hands over my ears, which allowed me to survive until it was time to rendezvous and leave with the friend who drove us.

Many of the previous posters sound like my wife and I, before and after we were married. We've both never had any trouble entertaining ourselves, singly or jointly. On the other hand, when my father came home from work, the first thing he did was pick up the phone and try to invite someone over or get an invitation to their house. That certainly isn't me. I used to have a close friend (now deceased) who would call me up once or twice and week and invite me over, just the two of us. He would leave home at the crack of dawn to commute into NYC, work late, and arrive home at 8 or 9 p.m. nearly every weekday. Usually after I'd been at his house for an hour or so, he was already nodding off, signalling that it was time for me to go.

I "commuted" to NYC exactly one day, for a series of business meetings at insurance company offices, including one in the World Trade Center tower 2. I swear that was the longest and nastiest day of my life. After taking the subway, train, and car home, I'd never been more exhausted. I can't imagine how my friend and millions of others have done this for many, many years.

P.S. There are many days that we don't make or receive a single phone call or email, but we love our neighbors and are always chatting with them and are active in neighborhood activities, so we're not totally anti-social or introverted, just selectively.
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Post by jazzykat » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:05 pm

mwm158 wrote:Oh thank god, I guess I'm not as abnormal as I suspected. My friends love dragging me to loud ass obnoxious clubs and it irritates the hell out of me. I'm 29 as well. I'd rather just hang out with some friends and drink some beer/whiskey. Harder to meet girls that way though. What's a better alternative for finding girls?
Regarding going out:
Think of it as your self preservation instinct kicking in. Imagine partying hard for 20 years, most people burn out. If it's losing it's magic then branch out into different activities. See point below on how you can meet girls as well ;)


To meet girls:
Join clubs/activities that you are interested in/like and are co-ed. In my own personal life I was shocked how many women want to learn sailing. I'm married so they are kind of lost on me but there are a lot of them!

If you just want to meed women then go to salsa dancing or some other formal dance because there are almost always more women than men and thus you can get a decent selection of partners.

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Post by jh » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:23 pm

...
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Tom_T
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Post by Tom_T » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:25 pm

Why is "anti-social" a bad thing? It's your life. If you enjoy hanging out at home, that's your business.

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Post by Harold » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:38 pm

Seems particularly fitting that this thread was started on a Saturday night ...

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Post by yobria » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:42 pm

Tom_T wrote:Why is "anti-social" a bad thing? It's your life. If you enjoy hanging out at home, that's your business.
Yes, life is short, and all we can do is find what makes us happy, and do a lot of that.

As long as it isn't harmful, no one should be ashamed of what makes them happy.

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market timer
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Post by market timer » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:43 pm

"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." -Aldous Huxley

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CordMcNally
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Post by CordMcNally » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:45 pm

I'm 25 and am like many other people here. I do enjoy going out with friends but I don't like going to places where I have to wait 20 minutes to get a drink (especially a $5 beer). It isn't that I don't like to meet new people but I've never been a big fan of small talk or talking just to talk. Besides, sometimes on a weekend night, I just want to have a lazy night in and recharge from a hectic week.

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Whiggish Boffin
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Post by Whiggish Boffin » Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:51 pm

stan1 is referring to the Myers-Briggs theory of personality types. It says that people have four preferences that stay pretty stable over their lifetimes: Extrovert or Introvert, Sensing or Intuitive, Thinking or Feeling, Judging or Perceiving. With four binary variables in play, you get sixteen different temperaments. They all have their gifts. They are not equally common, and Bogleheads tend toward the rare ones.

Extroverts like outside stimulation, gain energy at parties, and make new friends and cast off old ones easily. Introverts like to concentrate without interruption, get worn out at parties (even if they have fun), and have maybe five close friends they keep for decades. The population breaks down 75% E, 25% I.

Sensing types are at home in the physical world, and are drawn to the tangible, practical, and immediate. Intuitive types are at home in the mental or emotional world, and want to understand the meaning behind everything. The population breaks down 75% S, 25% N. (N because we already used I for Introverted.)

Thinking and Feeling -- pretty self-explanatory. Men break down 60% T, 40% F, while women are the reverse.

Judging types want to plan the work and work the plan and finish things on time. Perceiving types want to improvise and explore all possibilities, and tend to see a deadline as the time to start work. They drive each other crazy. "Nothing is ever really lost -- either a P has it buried on his desk, or a J has filed it." The population breaks down 50% J, 50% P.

A 2007 poll of Bogleheads showed 41% of the poll respondents are ?NTJ, vs. 6.25% of the general population. That's the retire-early crowd. Anyway, if you get worn out being sociable with crowds of strangers (or even friends), you're a bit weird to the world, but you fit in just fine with us.

(Edit -- misspelled Myers.)
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Post by White Coat Investor » Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:57 pm

market timer wrote:"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." -Aldous Huxley
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Post by yahtzeefish » Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:52 pm

I prefer to go out to weird or new places just for experience sake. The random occurrences and shenanigans are worth every penny.

Going to the same bars every weekend is pointless. It's dumb to go because you can't communicate and sometimes you can't move. Paying for that is quite ironic sometimes.

I go out because my friends don't have nice places, not enough for like more than 8 at least.

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Post by Skiffy » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:49 pm

Guy at work, who is 29, said 29 is the new 19!

After a good laugh we all agreed on many different levels that is a true statement (he was hungover at the time). Not that long ago people had the beginnings of careers and families when they were 19. Now they are waiting until at least 29--

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Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by epilnk » Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:58 am

thechoson wrote: I don't know if it's my imagination, but people seem to be getting ruder by the day.
People aren't getting ruder, you're getting older. Late 20s is when we move from "young adult" to "adult". As a young adult, the behavior of young crowds seems normal even if it isn't quite your thing. But as you age you lose patience with it.

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Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by mrpadilla » Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:14 pm

thechoson wrote:Seems like I am getting antisocial as I get older (though I'm only 29). But I increasingly dislike and find it a chore to go out to crowded places.

I don't know if it's my imagination, but people seem to be getting ruder by the day.

I just cannot stand going to crowded places like sporting events, malls, and theme parks anymore.

I do enjoy going to quieter for out of the way places for recreation though.

For a second, I thought I somehow posted this without knowing. You described me with respect to the night-life (happy hours, clubs, etc); I still enjoy malls and theme parks though, though significantly less than I did, say, 5 years ago.

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Post by chumpzilla » Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:34 pm

A lot of my life I believed people's accusations that I was antisocial, but recently realized that when there are multiple conversations happening simultaneously I'm unable to process any them ... for short periods I can bring some focus to filtering background stuff out but it exhausts me very rapidly.

For me most outings happen like what Triple Digit Golfer describes. Possibly the new people would be interesting to me, but the situation doesn't make genuine, meaningful conversation possible so I spend the hours trying to survive, just waiting for it to end.

And then they turn to you and announce "You're quiet tonight!".
:?

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Random Musings
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Post by Random Musings » Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:06 pm

I like going out - however, the "club" scene and screaming all the time was a thing of the past. Fun, until it doesn't have a purpose. :wink:

RM

Tom_T
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Post by Tom_T » Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:27 pm

I remember when my friends used to drive by my house and honk the horn at 9:30 at night to go out. Now, at 9:30, I'm thinking "30 minutes until bedtime." :)

Of course, I wasn't getting up at 6 AM when I was 22 !

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Post by IMADreamer » Fri Aug 19, 2011 11:07 am

I'm a home body for sure or if I go out I prefer a nice drive alone. I love to blast down a backroad just letting all my troubles bellow out the exhaust. :)

I'm 30 btw, and I probably only have 5-6 actual friends that I care to hang out with and I don't even do that all too often. I hate clubs, bars, whatever. I just like being able to take things at my own pace, do what I want, and not have to worry about much doing it.

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Post by david99 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 12:05 pm

I don't like going out to loud bars or clubs but I do enjoy getting together with people. I think it's a matter of knowing your personality type and what works for you. For instance I don't like talking in a large group of people, but I do enjoy one-on-one conversation. And while I don't like clubs, I do enjoy house parties, getting together with family, playing volleyball with a group of people, or hiking with friends. It can take some trial and error to find groups and activities that work for you.

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DocHolliday
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Post by DocHolliday » Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:52 pm

This is a very interesting thread.

Everyone is different. If you do not like to go out to loud/crowded places, then do not do it. Do whatever makes you happy. Staying at home will make meeting a partner tough but you can meet people at church, through friends, or at the grocery store.

I am 43 and married with a kid. My going out days are over. I sometimes miss them but am normally too tired to really miss them. And, I love spending time with my wife and little girl. The wife and I go out with friends a few times a year to check out local bands. I was going out until I was almost 40. The frequency went from 3 nights a week in my 20s to 2 nights a week in my 30s. At the end, I was only going out a couple of times a month.

I have always been an extrovert. I like being around people. I think there is a difference between liking to be out and standing in long lines or being at crowded, hot places like fairs or amusement parks. Being uncomfortable is not fun for anyone except for the young.

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Post by dandan14 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:35 pm

My wife and I were just talking about this a few nights ago. I used to love to be around people, but she's says I've gotten more introverted with age.

I don't think that's necessarily true -- I'm just more of a curmudgeon.

Why would I want to go to a crowded, noisy, overpriced restaurant? We are great cooks and I can cook at home for 20% of the cost.

Why would I go to a bar? I'm not there to meet women, and I have never met a person in a bar that turned into a friendship.

Why would I want to go to a movie? Prices are outrageous, and people are always talking or kicking my seat. Why would I pay $20 for my wife and I to go to that? I'd probably just fall asleep anyway. I've got a projector and screen at my house I can use anytime.

So that's it....my transformation to curmudgeon is complete. :-)

On the other hand --
I love small gatherings with friends -- games, cooking, having a beer and telling stories, playing with my daughter, etc.

So maybe it's not so much that I'm a crusty curmudgeon as much as my preferences have just changed.

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Opponent Process
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Post by Opponent Process » Sat Aug 20, 2011 7:30 am

I think everybody gets a little more "selective" as they get older after they figure out what really makes them happy and are less susceptible to being influenced by others. a true introvert has this pretty much figured out at birth, and prefers to only have meaningful experiences and real friendships from the beginning. this can make the early part of life a little awkward.
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VictoriaF
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Post by VictoriaF » Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:02 am

I compare the utility of going out with the utility of my own company. With time, my own company offers ever higher utility. :)

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BTDT
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Location: Grand Lake OK

Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by BTDT » Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:16 am

epilnk wrote:
thechoson wrote: I don't know if it's my imagination, but people seem to be getting ruder by the day.
People aren't getting ruder, you're getting older. Late 20s is when we move from "young adult" to "adult". As a young adult, the behavior of young crowds seems normal even if it isn't quite your thing. But as you age you lose patience with it.
I think people are getting ruder, especialy while traveling/commuting, but yes..... I am approaching SS benefit age, so let's just agree to disagree. :thumbsup
If past history was all that is needed to play the game of money, the richest people would be librarians.

s8r
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Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by s8r » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:10 am

Old thread, but I find it interesting.

I am about 30 now. When I was in my late teens and early 20s going to bars and clubs was kind of OK, but I often found myself thinking "wish I was home sleeping" for that brief moment while staring the wall above the urinal.

I also do not enjoy socializing with people who do not share any of my interests. This unfortunately includes practically all my relatives.

But when I meet people who are like-minded, I could talk for hours. I transform from an introvert into an extrovert. Science, technology, movies, investing, those are things that I find fascinating.

Dontwasteit
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Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by Dontwasteit » Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:30 am

My wife thinks I am anti- social. Not true, I have social anxiety. Getting worse as I get older. I'm 62.

FRANK2009
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Re: Anyone else not enjoy going out?

Post by FRANK2009 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:18 pm

Not anti-social...just prefer to be in the company of my dogs.

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