Economy vs premium economy when traveling with a college-aged kid

[carloslando]

I am looking to book a 10+ hour international flight (San Francisco to London) for me and my college-aged daughter
We have always flown Economy in the past, but now feel financially comfortable to do Premium Economy for such long flights.

When my daughter saw the class of travel I was booking for both of us, and the fare difference ($700 vs $1500 round-trip), she instead wants me to:
1. book her ticket in economy instead, AND
2. that I give her the $800 fare-difference to spend as she wishes

I am now conflicted on this. I seem to have 3 options:
1. Do what she's asked. But then I'll be sitting in Premium Economy by myself, and I'll miss her companionship during the flight and feel guilty about indulging. The $800 is purely discretionary spend that she'll most likely spend on something she feels useful (clothes, bags, cosmetics etc) but I feel is'nt good value. OTOH once I give her the money and tell her its hers to spend, I shouldn't micro-manage what she does with it.

2. We both fly economy and there is no transfer of any funds to her. We can splurge a bit on the trip elsewhere, we'll be together on the plane, which I value. However, I can now afford a better seat, so why sit in economy for 20 hours round-trip..

3. We both fly Premium and I dont give her the fare-difference. She has an allowance [we intend to stop this from next year] and has also made some money from a summer internship which should all easily cover all her regular discretionary expenses for the year.

What do you advise?

[livesoft]

Follow her wishes and give her $800. How much "companionship" is there on a flight where you both read books or use in-flight entertainment and nap?

By the way my spouse likes Economy because they pick the seat for her which usually ends up in Premium Economy or better since they didn't sell all those seats. I agree with her: I had a better seats when I wasn't bluffed into paying for a more expensive seat.

Also: my sister met her future husband on a flight probably because her parent wasn't sitting next to her.

[Dottie57]

Or if you can afford, give her both: premium plus spending money.

[Doctor Rhythm]

I don't negotiate with children over my money.

We're flying coach because I'm frugal, and the savings belong to me. If I decide to distribute some spending money, that's an unrelated, separate decision.

[quantAndHold]

Having kids that are more frugal than you are makes life interesting sometimes. I had one kid who only had one pair of pants for a whole year, until I insisted he get a second pair before he went off to college.

Anyway, if I were traveling with my frugal kid, I would have told him that the $800 is allocated to the budget for this trip. Premium economy is valuable to me, but I understand if it isn’t to him. We can sit together, or he could take the money and spend it how he liked, but he had to spend it during the trip. But anything he didn’t spend during the trip would come back to me at the end.

Knowing him, we would have seen $800 worth of West End shows.

[kojima]

Maybe give her the $800 under the condition that she spend it on activities that you two can do together. A concert, musical, day trip, nice dinner at a place she picks etc. The "companionship" and memories you would gain from that would be much better than sitting together on the plane.

[123]

You should both fly in economy and spend the splurge money elsewhere on your trip. For $40 an hour per person I think you could get better value/comfort elsewhere on your trip for the combined savings of $1,600.

Perhaps the answer could depend on the total budget for your trip. If the difference in the airfare price is less than 5% of the trip budget splurge for premium for yourself and let your daughter have her $800 savings in cash. Younger folks can be oblivious to some comforts appreciated by the elderly.

[ResearchMed]

You have kindly invited her to join you on a trip to London!

She should either decline to join you or *graciously* join you and help both of you have a good trip TOGETHER. That was what you wanted, correct?

IF you allow this type of bargaining, where does it stop (whether with you or someone else in the future)?
"You can eat at the nice restaurants, but I'll buy sandwiches at some little shop, and could you give me the difference in costs?"
"You could get a smaller hotel room if I stay at a really cheap hostel with bunk beds, so could you give me the difference in room prices?"

IF she had said something like, "Oh, Mom, that's too much extra to pay for the upgraded seat. You'll be more comfortable there, but please let me sit in coach, and you can use that money in London! We'll probably mostly sleep or read anyway." - THAT would have been nice!

I'd be inclined to accept her offer of sitting in coach and you save your $800!
(Except then you miss out on the companionship during the flight.. but without paying $800 for the "privilege".)

Has there been a pattern of negotiating when a nice offer is made?
That's not going to fly when she is interacting with "Non-Moms".

RM

[DarkHelmetII]

I see two separate issues. One being value of premium economy vs regular economy. Second being what say daughter has over parents' spending of $$.

My gut says throw $300 - 400 to daughter in spending money but not the full delta

[stan1]

When my daughter saw the class of travel I was booking for both of us, and the fare difference ($700 vs $1500 round-trip), she instead wants me to:
1. book her ticket in economy instead, AND
2. that I give her the $800 fare-difference to spend as she wishes

I'd say you have taught her to be financially responsible. You could counter by giving her $400 and putting $400 into investments for her.

[mnsportsgeek]

This is a weird attempt at bartering with someone who is offering to pay for an overseas plane ticket.

If it were me, I'd be booking economy for both of you and you pocket the savings as I personally don't see the value add of some extra leg room and nicer snacks.

[InvisibleAerobar]

Follow her wishes and give her $800. How much "companionship" is there on a flight where you both read books or use in-flight entertainment and nap?

By the way my spouse likes Economy because they pick the seat for her which usually ends up in Premium Economy or better since they didn't sell all those seats. I agree with her: I had a better seats when I wasn't bluffed into paying for a more expensive seat.

Also: my sister met her future husband on a flight probably because her parent wasn't sitting next to her.

This statement should not be viewed as something that is universally applicable for the flying public.

Prem Econ seats, unlike added leg length seats (aka Econ+ or Main Cabin+), are desirable, and these are obtained either higher upfront cost (at time of purchase) or via upgrades. Except upgrades most often follow a pecking order of sorts, with those having high level status getting first dibs. So while I don't doubt that for a particular passenger who books into regular economy (as opposed to basic economy), that there is a chance for free upgrade to prem econ, this is unlikely the case for the vast majority of travelers.

Also, with Prem Econ, one basically sits only with one's familiars (window-adjacent doublet seats). This is not the case in economy class, as those are always triplets even for the window-adjacent seats.

[stan1]

Be glad the daughter isn't saying she'll only fly in business class (and getting it).

[mark_in_denver]

If you're treating your kid to an overseas flight, then why is she calling the shots? If it was my kid, I'd say I'm buying so I set the rules. If you don't like the rules then pay it yourself.

[nyclon]

Let’s say you couldn’t afford the extra $800, or simply didn’t want to pay, for premium economy. Just because you opted to buy two $800 tickets in that case, no one is going to gift you $800/ticket because you didn’t buy premium.

Therefore, no, your child shouldn’t be pocketing $800. They get what they get to go from point A to B without any cash bonus.

I’m sure you could somehow shell out the cash for business class. Should you give them $4,000 for not flying business?

[tibbitts]

Tell her you think she's right about it being too much money and take a less expensive trip instead?

[student]

Maybe you can have the best of both worlds, if you book early enough. You buy a seat in the last row of premium economy and you buy an economy seat for her behind you, and give her the $800.

[adamthesmythe]

Your money, your rules.

A further advantage of premium economy is reducing the exposure to other germ-ridden passengers. I like the two seats together at the window with no one nearby.

[stan1]

Daughter is frugal and outwitted parent. I'd be a happy parent to see both. She should do well for herself. :happy

[livesoft]

Depending on the airline (your description sounds like it's United), ....
...., more leg space and greater recline, priority check-in (read, shorter waits when checking luggage), and additional luggage allowance (2/person).

I have made 13 flights on United so far in 2024. There is really not much to "priority check-in" for luggage since they have numerous kiosks for self check-in of luggage for which lines are no longer than for "priority check-in." And the United app always tells me of special "bag drop" to save time, but always erroneously because the special bag drop is closed whenever I have tried to use it. I even missed a flight because of the lying bag drop.

Since we have United affinity credit cards, we get a free piece of checked luggage even with Economy fares, but I do admit that one might have to pay for checked luggage if they didn't have such a credit card. For instance, I could fly American which has cheaper seats, but those seats are NOT cheaper once one sees all the piecemeal charges that American adds in.

[HooCares]

Every relationship is different but I’d seriously consider booking economy for 2 and using the $1600 savings to seek a business or 1st class close in upgrade for myself.

[happy_statistician]

My kids are much younger so no firsthand experience with this, but my instinct is to
* Book her into economy (maybe you too, depending which you prefer)
* Reward her frugality by giving her half of the savings ($400) as spending money
* Spend the other $400 on something special in London (Michelin restaurant, theatre tickets etc)

[Django Ii]

Re-read the OP. The daughter is not frugal. If she was going to donate the savings to a worthy charity, maybe I would go along, but new make-up, clothes and handbags? No way.

[happy_statistician]

Re-read the OP. The daughter is not frugal. If she was going to donate the savings to a worthy charity, maybe I would go along, but new make-up, clothes and handbags? No way.

Maybe it's not frugal, but imo it is responsible to not spend money where she feels it's low-ROI (economy plus) to afford things that are higher-ROI (eg a new bag). It's kind of a tacky suggestion to make, but given it's from a child to a parent, it seems like a good opportunity for OP to reinforce how budgeting works.

Fwiw I've spent money on bags, makeup and clothes (I suppose almost all women have), but never on upgrading my flights -- and I consider myself frugal.

[Parkinglotracer]

Congratulate her for trying ! I am sure the money is worth more to her than the roomy seat if she is like most college kids. Up to you though how you Spend your money.

[Wwwdotcom]

You have kindly invited her to join you on a trip to London!

She should either decline to join you or *graciously* join you and help both of you have a good trip TOGETHER. That was what you wanted, correct?

Such a good response. She might not actually want to go on the trip, so its a great way to find out before her next move is to ask if she can pocket the full fight and travel expenses, by choosing not to go.

It's kind of a tacky suggestion to make, but given it's from a child to a parent, it seems like a good opportunity for OP to reinforce how budgeting works.

I think its a good opportunity to reinforce common courtesy. Imagine if she did that during an invitation to dinner for a job interview

[ResearchMed]

Re-read the OP. The daughter is not frugal. If she was going to donate the savings to a worthy charity, maybe I would go along, but new make-up, clothes and handbags? No way.

Maybe it's not frugal, but imo it is responsible to not spend money where she feels it's low-ROI (economy plus) to afford things that are higher-ROI (eg a new bag). It's kind of a tacky suggestion to make, but given it's from a child to a parent, it seems like a good opportunity for OP to reinforce how budgeting works.

Fwiw I've spent money on bags, makeup and clothes (I suppose almost all women have), but never on upgrading my flights -- and I consider myself frugal.

However, the child is interfering with the type of trip the parent prefers and is planning.
And the parent is paying.

If that were "us", I would be very unhappy not sitting with the person I invited to join me, absent some serious reason to do that. Presumably the parent feels that part of the "travel together" is... traveling together. It's probably not true that they would ONLY sleep the entire way. I could imagine at the start, getting excited and sharing ideas about "once we get there" or even, "I'm SO excited... thanks SO much for this trip!" and maybe "Tell me more about what you want to do (or want us to do)"
Or sharing some excitement as the landing approaches, or as they see the coast or they start to see London suburbs...

A better "lesson" is one of being a gracious recipient of a kind offer (as long as one doesn't find it truly offensive).

"Frugality" would have been pointing out the extra money not being needed, *offering* to sit in coach, and *assuming* the parent is saving the money!
And sitting next to the parent if that is what they prefer. Frugality isn't everything (even on Bogleheads, for most, anyway).

RM

[runningshoes]

I like that your daughter has come to the conclusion that flying PE is not worth the $800 IF she can get the cash and find a better use for it based on her own parameters. I also like the suggestion someone made upthread that a portion of the $800 go towards her trip spending and the remainder to an investment account.

This is a great financial learning opportunity for both sides, and likely wasted should you take the advice of those stating "my way or the highway".

[neglogic]

As a parent, travelling together is worth far more than any amount of money.

Pick one or the other for both of you. Your daughter's input is not required.

[stlrick]

I don't consider this a significant Boglehead financial issue. Rather, it is potentially a significant father-daughter relationship issue. My solution would be based on:
(1) on a long international flight, if I could afford premium economy and wanted to sit there, that is where I would sit.
(2) if I am taking a significant trip with my daughter, we are going to sit together.
(3) I would respect her view that the difference in seats was not worth $800 to her.

I would probably have a heart-to-heart with her about her request. To take it to an extreme, you might point out to her that her request has the same logic as forgetting the whole trip and giving her half of what it would have cost. I would explain that the money is not fungible; your willingness to spend it on the seats does not mean you are willing to spend it on something else instead. On the other hand, you respect her opinion. I would not criticize her for thinking the way she did about this. Depending on how that discussion goes and on details of your relationship that none of us can know, I might consider a decidedly non-Boglehead compromise and give her $400 while still sitting together in premium economy. Avoiding any even minor ill-will, keeping this trip everything you want it to be, now requires some compromise. You are the father and the one paying for this; she is an adult whose opinion should not be ignored.

[Godot]

Leave the daughter home and purchase a business seat for yourself.

[livesoft]

As a parent, travelling together is worth far more than any amount of money.

There is more to this trip than a plane ride. They may be sick of each other after staying in the same hotel [room] and being attached at the wrist and ankle the whole time.

I am happy to vacation with my children, but give us a break!

[adam1712]

Congratulations, I don't think you could have dreamed up a better real life adult money problem if you tried! In my experience, these are the types of issues that sink adult friendships and marriages. You could take the easier parent-child approach and say my way or the highway. But I wouldn't let this learning opportunity slip away. Discuss your feelings and spending priorities, let her tell you hers, and try to find a good compromise.

[HenryG]

...You could take the easier parent-child approach and say my way or the highway. But I wouldn't let this learning opportunity slip away. Discuss your feelings and spending priorities, let her tell you hers, and try to find a good compromise.

Coming to a joint decision is a very reasonable approach. I'm surprised by the my money my choice mindset in comments above, not the way I would handle it with a college-age kid. Personally, based on the information provided, I would book in separate classes of travel and give some portion of the flight savings to the kid.

[Point]

Sounds like you can sweeten a Roth IRA for her college job instead!

[jackholloway]

I am thinking about a similar international trip, and decided to pay for offsprings rather pricey ticket.

The various posters who said to talk it out are correct. Saying “I plan to fly premium economy. Your company is important enough for me to spring for it for you too” may the same net effect as “my way or the highway”, but it comes off a lot less controlling. They do not get to tell you how to spend your money, but they may well be in a position where $800 is a lot of money, and they have a different weighting for value. Talking it out gives you a chance to learn that.

I might be cautious about telling a young woman that clothes and cosmetics don’t have good value. Their life has different constraints and they are judged by different standards. Unless you have someone who trusts you enough to describe their experience, you may not have complete information. (This has both age and gender components, and crossing either divide requires some trust, and I am well aware that I lack some context my offspring has.)

[Random Musings]

It the OP's money and their choice. However, the concept of "value", with the parents being bonding time while the teenagers being material goods is interesting.

One option is to bond in economy and use the savings solely for the needs of the child at the parent's discretion. Or upgrade the vacation experience. Or toss her a $400 bone and thank the daughter for pointing out the value isn't there to upgrade, even though the OP believes it is. It is the OP's call in the end, but the relationship dynamics between the two has to be considered. During travel mode, I wonder how much time will be with ear buds on, glued to the phone, or sleeping?

RM

[livesoft]

.... During travel mode, I wonder how much time will be with ear buds on, glued to the phone, or sleeping?

On my last flight a married couple sat in the 2 seats next to mine. They had matching eye masks and noise-cancelling headphones. They didn't say one word to each other during the 7 hour flight.

[muffins14]

When my daughter saw the class of travel I was booking for both of us, and the fare difference ($700 vs $1500 round-trip), she instead wants me to:
1. book her ticket in economy instead, AND
2. that I give her the $800 fare-difference to spend as she wishes

I would definitely not give her the difference.

I would fly economy though, personally. I don’t get a lot of value from premium economy, as I am not sufficient tall that normal economy is uncomfortable but premium economy would be $800 better.

I would do economy and keep setting the example the being frugal is good.

“You know what, I thought about this and think we should save the money. Let’s fly economy together but do a musical in the theatre district as a treat”.

Net-net, you’ll save like $1450

[J295]

Smart kid!

[neilpilot]

.... During travel mode, I wonder how much time will be with ear buds on, glued to the phone, or sleeping?

On my last flight a married couple sat in the 2 seats next to mine. They had matching eye masks and noise-cancelling headphones. They didn't say one word to each other during the 7 hour flight.

Exactly my view. During our Basic Economy flight EWR to SNN last week, we spent 5 hr in adjacent rows. Mostly trying to sleep. Now we’re in the UK for a month, making up for those few hours and spending the difference, about 1100£.

[Thesaints]

On the outbound PE is the difference between a mildly uncomfortable night and pure suffering. On the return flight economy is acceptable.
I would not give my daughter the fare difference.
PE product is different depending on the airline (and on the aircraft): Virgin is good, DL is quite bad. Don’t know about the others on that route.

[lthenderson]

I am now conflicted on this. I seem to have 3 options:
1. Do what she's asked. But then I'll be sitting in Premium Economy by myself, and I'll miss her companionship during the flight and feel guilty about indulging. The $800 is purely discretionary spend that she'll most likely spend on something she feels useful (clothes, bags, cosmetics etc) but I feel is'nt good value. OTOH once I give her the money and tell her its hers to spend, I shouldn't micro-manage what she does with it.

2. We both fly economy and there is no transfer of any funds to her. We can splurge a bit on the trip elsewhere, we'll be together on the plane, which I value. However, I can now afford a better seat, so why sit in economy for 20 hours round-trip..

3. We both fly Premium and I dont give her the fare-difference. She has an allowance [we intend to stop this from next year] and has also made some money from a summer internship which should all easily cover all her regular discretionary expenses for the year.

What do you advise?

Option 4: Book the seats you want and give her some money to spend as she pleases that is between 0 and $800.

I would never give my own child $800 in cash on a vacation with no stipulations on what to spend it on. That just screams ending up with an adult child with a spending problem. We went to Greece with our 18 year old daughter for her graduation gift. We didn't give her any spending money but bought her a few souvenirs. Her reward is that she got to plan the entire trip and we just followed her itinerary the entire 10 days we were there.

[barnaclebob]

The diplomatic way to handle it would be to acknowledge that she is logically "correct" that it would be no net difference to your pocket book. Also acknowledge that she has different priorities in spending money but its not a good idea to blur the boundaries on what influence you have on eachother as far as how to spend money.

Tell her you don't like how her "deal" feels and you are going to fly Prem. The offer is whether she would like to fly prem too or not and that you would value the company. If she wants to fly econ, she may pick up the difference as inheritance and I'd bet she'd wished to have taken the prem seat when that time comes.

[KyleAAA]

Change her seat to economy but don't give her the $800 to teach her a valuable life lesson.

[jackholloway]

Change her seat to economy but don't give her the $800 to teach her a valuable life lesson.

What valuable life lesson is that? That people set traps? That expressing your different values is punished?

[typical.investor]

What do you advise?

Sit in economy with her and give her $1600 on the condition that it is invested for retirement. That is her $800 in savings from her ticket and the same amount from yours too because you are just plain awesome!!! Am I wrong about that???

Or if you want to get something out of it for yourself, make it conditional on her talking to you the whole way about the topics of your choice.

[ResearchMed]

Change her seat to economy but don't give her the $800 to teach her a valuable life lesson.

What valuable life lesson is that? That people set traps? That expressing your different values is punished?

How about "Be gracious when a gift is offered?"
Or, "Don't get greedy"?

Now, IF parent had been sending child to Europe *alone* in PE, that would be a bit different. In that case, sitting alone in Economy instead of PE wouldn't deprive parent of time together during the trip.
Yes, sitting together can be a desirable thing, even if they sleep or read much of the time. For one thing, it can avoid sitting next to some random stranger who might not be the best "occupier of the next seat"...
Of just "proximity"... before child heads off into the world and time together becomes very scarce.
That's for the parent to decide (not us).

But even so, it would be SO much nicer (better!) if child still didn't ask for the difference back! "Thanks so much! But I'll be fine in regular economy, and I'll have a great time anyway! So why don't you save the extra."
Or add, "... and get or do something nice for yourself, okay? I'll enjoy thinking about that, too!"

Then IF the parent wishes (and thinks of it, etc.), they could reply something like, "That's very thoughtful. Thanks. But why don't I give you the extra so you can do something special on your trip. Want any suggestions? "

Sur, the parent might NOT make that offer. But that *should* be fine, too!

There are obviously strong differences of opinion here.
Parent should do what feels "right for them"!

RM

[halfnine]

Change her seat to economy but don't give her the $800 to teach her a valuable life lesson.

Change her seat to economy, give her the $800, and you've learned a valuable life lesson.

[PeninsulaPerson]

Change her seat to economy but don't give her the $800 to teach her a valuable life lesson.

... give her the $800, and you've learned a valuable life lesson.

So many folks don't seem to remember being young when $800 was all the money in the world.

But the OP would like to sit with their daughter.

OP, how about you go all Die With Zero just this once. Pay up for 2 upgraded seats and surprise your daughter with $800.

The valuable lesson you learn is that your young lady is enterprising, which will serve her well.

Or maybe that traveling companions usually get some perks, if the trip was your idea with you calling the shots.

Or come up with a Travel Plan B and be clear about the arrangements from the start.