funeral preparations

[brandy]

Quote from NYT 3/16/24 article: ..."The amount of decisions that have to be made within 24 to 72 hours to put on a funeral, especially if you aren't prepared or have pre-arrangements, is shocking"...
So, I'm still kicking. What can I do to "prepare" for my funeral--which will be a cremation?

[brawlrats]

Write a plan of everything you want for your funeral. Then meet with a funeral home and prepay for your funeral expenses. At that time, give the funeral director your written plans so he/she is aware of your desires. Also give a copy of your written plans to someone you trust or the person who will execute your estate.

My grandmother did this and was very specific with her plans. With 8 kids possibly fighting over funeral planning, the written plan was a huge help. The funeral director commented it was one of he easiest funeral planning meetings with the surviving family that he's ever had. Her plan was specific to burial vs. cremation, types of services (she did not want visitations), and included what she did and did not want in her published obituary and a copy of the picture she wanted used in the obituary.

[feehater]

The article says to name a power of attorney so that they can write a check for the funeral after your death. Isn’t this incorrect? I thought my memory was that POAs expire upon death.

[AllMostThere]

The article says to name a power of attorney so that they can write a check for the funeral after your death. Isn’t this incorrect? I thought my memory was that POAs expire upon death.

Yes, I too am under the impression the POA expires with the death of individual.

[123]

...What can I do to "prepare" for my funeral--which will be a cremation?

Prearrange and prepay. Tell your close relatives and carry a card from the cremation company/organization in your wallet on top of your driver's license/state ID. You can prearrange and prepay disposition of ashes as well, as you wish.

[LilyFleur]

I am 64. My church (I attend very sporadically but financially support the church) has a beautiful memorial garden. Ashes are placed below a brick and then a metal plate with the individual's information is placed over it. I asked the church about which cremation/funeral homes they have worked with the most, and which ones worked smoothly with them. I picked that local funeral home, met with them, filled out paperwork designating my wishes. I indicated that I wanted the funeral home to deliver my ashes to the church so my children will not need to do that. I did not prepay but I added my son as co-owner on my checking account, and I keep enough in there for a cremation and the cost of my brick/metal plate at the church. (If both of my children moved elsewhere, I might also move, so I'm not ready to prepay.) The church had a form for me to fill out, and my memorial service is planned. I was unsure if I wanted a memorial service, but I think it is important for my friends and family, as part of the grieving process.

[Mr. Rumples]

Even if the wishes are spelled out, that doesn't mean they will be carried out. In VA, this is addressed by specifically designating a person for this: § 54.1-2825. Person to make arrangements for funeral and disposition of remains.. https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/54.1-2825/

[Gubshu]

My parents prepaid for cremation. It worked smoothly for my mom, who died near her home. My dad died many miles from home, at my brother’s house. Dealing with the prepaid cremation company was awful. They cared only about finding the most inexpensive place in our area for the cremation, and they wanted us to jump through some hoops that we shouldn’t have had to jump through. It took the police officer who responded to our 911 call to get the cremation company to take care of things. It was an unwelcome hassle at a time we were grieving for my dad. After that, I am not sure I would prepay for cremation unless I knew for sure what the procedure would be if I died away from home … or if I just told the family to pay someone local should I kick the bucket while far away.

[music_man]

My parents prepaid their funerals 25 years ago, specifying all the details of the funeral from Burial plot, flowers, welcome cards, guest book, and coffin. My dad passed away just 3 weeks ago and I can't tell you how thankful I am they did this. It's a lot of decisions that would have had to be made in the midst of a whirlwind of emotions. Because of the pre planning, there was very little we had to stress about from a planning standpoint. We met with the funeral home and they reviewed it all with my brothers and mom and me. Aside from a few minor logistical decisions, it was a relief to not have to worry about planning the funeral.

[CAsage]

A lot depends on how much ado you want. My Dad had a full-service Catholic funeral at church, lunch, then a miliary salute at a Veteran's gravesite. And we paid for it... lots. My mom... years later... I called the cremation people to come and get her, and we had a private, modest dinner just for family later. Incredibly frugal. So, yes, specify what your plans are, a direct cremation is very cost-effective. Then, separately, decide what kind of memorial or wake you want, and where you want the ashes interred or scattered or held. I found the prices range in pickup and direct cremation varied by vendor - don't be sentimental on this one. Mom's ashes were scattered at sea a year later with flowers. My plan is direct cremation and a wake/reception with my immediate family and close friends. Wine, photos, flowers. No funeral parlor or church. Your memories will be with the people who love you, and keepsakes they hold. Not your body.

[cvn74n2]

I am looking at a no frills cremation but am concerned the funeral home would go out of business/change ownership in the next 20+ years (estimated life expectancy). Has anyone experienced problems with funeral pre-payment hassles along these lines?

[brandy]

I am looking at a no frills cremation but am concerned the funeral home would go out of business/change ownership in the next 20+ years (estimated life expectancy). Has anyone experienced problems with funeral pre-payment hassles along these lines?

'Because of that very possibility, some states do not allow prepay. Arizona doesn't/or didn't. I kept a check in my file cabinet written to the crematory of my choice in my file cabinet, re-written over time as needed. Along with it of course was their contact info, website, etc. But I'm no longer there, and have no idea what ever else needs done, as suggested in my first post.

[CAsage]

I am looking at a no frills cremation but am concerned the funeral home would go out of business/change ownership in the next 20+ years (estimated life expectancy). Has anyone experienced problems with funeral pre-payment hassles along these lines?

'Because of that very possibility, some states do not allow prepay. Arizona doesn't/or didn't. I kept a check in my file cabinet written to the crematory of my choice in my file cabinet, re-written over time as needed. Along with it of course was their contact info, website, etc. But I'm no longer there, and have no idea what ever else needs done, as suggested in my first post.

If you are going with direct cremation, all your bedside or immediate survivors will need is their phone number and enough ready cash/credit card to pay for it (if they aren't heirs or are really busted). Someone will have to arrange for doctor to sign death certificate, and you can usually place an order for certified death certificate copies within a day or so. In Mom's case, she was under hospice so the nurses/staff (she died at home) were pretty current on her imminent demise. I don't know who called them. Call a couple local cremation services and talk to them "pre-need". I think there is more to be done for estate planning or memorial, but I mentioned that already. I also recall that all the information on the death certificate (full names, DOB, location of parents, employment et al - it's a genealogist's' dream) had to be provided for the D.C. Fill all that out now and leave it with your will ?

[SmileyFace]

I am looking at a no frills cremation but am concerned the funeral home would go out of business/change ownership in the next 20+ years (estimated life expectancy). Has anyone experienced problems with funeral pre-payment hassles along these lines?

Its state dependent.
In Massachusetts the money sits in an account OUTSIDE the funeral home so even if you have a irrevocable contract with a funeral home you can get your money back or transfer it to another funeral if the funeral home you have the contract with goes out of business.
Why prepay? If you want the money off the table before medicaid kicks in. (And, of course, others won't have to make arrangements for you.)

[Broken Man 1999]

Direct cremation, removal from my home. I hope to fall off my perch at home. No services. DW and DDs are aware of my desires and I believe they will respect my wishes.

MegaCorp gives retirees $10,000 of life insurance, I have encouraged DW and DDs to give me the best so-long tour that the 10K can cover. One last party at our home.

Ashes to be spread at my favorite haunts, and some put in my parents graves, where some of my siblings ashes have also been added. For the record DW wants the same activities for her going away.

Up until my generation our family has been the burying kind. But DW and I left our hometown after HS, as did my siblings. So, no desire to be buried 150 miles away on the East Coast of Florida, as all our children and grandchildren live close by us on the West Coast of Florida.

I keep tabs on the places doing direct cremation, and last I checked a year or so ago the cremations cost a tad more than $1,000.

Given the cost of direct cremation, I see no value in prepaying.

Broken Man 1999

[user9532]

There was a recent article in WSJ about bad actors in the funeral home industry.

"Unethical funeral homes have exploited grieving customers for decades. What consumers don’t know is that many of the industry’s bad actors have been hidden from the public thanks to a sweetheart deal struck between the Federal Trade Commission and the funeral industry more than 25 years ago."

The article also has a list of funeral homes that violated FTC regulations.

https://www.wsj.com/business/how-the-fu ... cle_inline

Not sure whether the article is befind paywall.

[stan1]

Quote from NYT 3/16/24 article: ..."The amount of decisions that have to be made within 24 to 72 hours to put on a funeral, especially if you aren't prepared or have pre-arrangements, is shocking"...
So, I'm still kicking. What can I do to "prepare" for my funeral--which will be a cremation?

Talk to your relatives about what you'd like at your funeral service. One important point is that the funeral is really for the living, so its a chance for family members to get together to remember someone but its also an opportunity for people to see each other who may have gone their separate ways for many years.

My mom wanted to be cremated. We went with a direct cremation and did not have a service which was her preference. Cost was about $1200 including shipping the cremains to my home. Lower cost if someone can pick them up. This is not the option everyone would choose. It is what I'd wish for myself. Cremains can be legally spread in many locations (including national parks) but laws are highly variable. My mom's cremains are in Sequoia National Park under a big tree. There are specific rules to follow but a permit is not needed. Basically away from trails and water.

https://www.nps.gov/seki/planyourvisit/ ... tering.htm

You can give your executor directions on what you want, such as which crematorium to use and if you have a service what music, decorations, specific minister, speakers you'd like to have. Some people have strong preferences, others do not. Or you can leave it to your relatives.

My inlaws bought way ahead of need. They bought a funeral package including plots in 1950. They both passed away in 2019. I would not recommend that, although they did manage to claim what is now a highly coveted grave site on a hill. Newer grave sites are in a flat area.

[brandy]

Thanks, All. I started looking for crematoriums today, and came upon this checklist. It appears there is a LOT to do...
https://preplan.neptunesociety.com/docs ... esAway.pdf


so, I guess I have more work to do.

I just finished my end of life papers--POAs, advance directives, five wishes, living will, 2 DNRs--one for OUT OF HOSPITAL, and will.
And apparently cost of simple (direct)cremation in Indiana can be as low as $600 or as high as $5,600.
( https://cremationinstitute.com/direct-cremation/ )
That's just for starters...

[Outer Marker]

I would recommend doing no preplanning other than a rough outline of your last wishes and leave the rest to the discretion of your loved ones. Having seen three elder relatives off in the last decade, trust me, this is easier. What happens if you pre-pay for a funeral service, then move from hometown USA to Miami? What happens if the provider goes out of business? Just have enough cash on hand, more or less, for what you want. All of mine were very clear that they wanted no lavish spending, to be cremated, and where their ashes spread. I also hosted a nice lunch for closest family friends. With cremation ($1,500) and lunch ($1,000) all was dignified and in accordance with final wishes.

[SmileyFace]

I would recommend doing no preplanning

I disagree it is easier with no preplanning. For me it was an absolute NIGHTMARe. Having to had to have had to take care of my Mom's arrangements who had no planning it was terrible. The first question you are asked is who is picking up the body. Geeze - can I have a couple of days to figure that out? I just lost my Mom and now have to deal with this?
Then disagreements between different family members on type of service,etc - if only Mom had preplanned what she wanted. I had to deal with the grief - anguish with family on top of that was the last thing I needed. My relationship with one of my sibblings has never been the same (and certainly not what Mom would have wanted).
I am sorry - no preplanning is terrible advise in my opinion. Having to figure out "who is picking up the body?" when losing a loved one - yeah - don't want to be there again. The amount I had to deal with was indeed "shocking" (title in article - I don't subscribe to NYT so didn't read it).
All pre-arranged and pre-paid for Dad. I can focus on grieving next time.

[Abe]

It is usually not wise to pay ahead.
I had a bad experience with a pre-paid funeral for my mother.
Read below from Funeral Consumers Alliance.

https://funerals.org/get-help/pre-plann ... irectives/

[LittleMaggieMae]

Quote from NYT 3/16/24 article: ..."The amount of decisions that have to be made within 24 to 72 hours to put on a funeral, especially if you aren't prepared or have pre-arrangements, is shocking"...
So, I'm still kicking. What can I do to "prepare" for my funeral--which will be a cremation?

Do you want a "wake" before your cremation?
Or maybe a memorial service some time after your cremation?
Do you want those picture boards or other things displayed? Any sort of music played? at the wake or memorial?
Where do you want this to be held?

Who do you want a speaker or something religious to go with it? Who do you want to do the speaking or do you want someone specific to do the "religious" stuff?

People often give money or flowers - do you want people to donate to your favorite cause? Do you even want "flowers"? Do you want lots of flowers? In other words how do want the kindness of other people to be directed (what should they do?)
(one of my Dead Relatives wanted lots of flowers. Everyone at the grave side service was encouraged to take flowers/plants home as a final reminder. The remaining flowers/plants were gifted to a bunch of places (physical therapy place, the nursing home, the hospital, the hospice) all chosen by the Dead Relative. The plants/flowers did not scream "came from a funeral/wake" all of them were beautiful joyful arrangements that were perfect for display anywhere. TBH - the wake was very beautiful with all the plants and flowers. and it was a rather joyful wake. I think my Dead Relative would have liked it a lot. )

Do you want a luncheon or some other type of gathering after the "memorial" or "wake"?

Where do you want your ashes to go - or who gets to keep them? If you want them to be placed at a cemetery you may be able to purchase your niche space ahead of time. If you don't have a permanent place to put your urn/ashes and someone gets to take them home - what do you want done with your ashes when there's no one left (a family member) to take the urn you are in.

I would think about the various wakes/funerals/memorial services you have been to in the past. Where are all your Dead Relatives in a local cemetery? some where else? What traditions do you or your family have (Visiting the cemeteries is a tradition in my family - I go and visit the Dead Relatives a couple times a year. Check their graves - sometimes ask the cemetery to raise a headstone if it's being overtaken by the ground - some of my Dead Relatives have been dead for nearly 100 years. ) How do those traditions fit with what you want done?

[thriftynick]

My Dad just died last month. 10 years ago, he gave me a folder with important information, such as:

1. His will
2. Life insurance policy numbers and phone numbers (not a lot, but it paid for the funeral)
3. DD214 (military papers)
4. Phone numbers of people to be contacted
5. Information to include in the obituary
6. Recommendations for a funeral home, who to give the eulogy, a lawyer, an auction company, and a realtor

He then had a notebook on his desk with the bills he paid monthly, along with all his 2023 tax documents, the title to his truck, and bank account statements.

He had also put his bank account and deed to his house jointly in my name 10 years ago. This allowed me to avoid probate and use a small estate affidavit for everything. It saved me a ton of hassle and expense.

I am going to do all of this for my kids.

[SmileyFace]

It is usually not wise to pay ahead.
I had a bad experience with a pre-paid funeral for my mother.
Read below from Funeral Consumers Alliance.

https://funerals.org/get-help/pre-plann ... irectives/

My state has really good protections in place. Not all do.
In my state - it can be very wise to pay ahead.

[DireStraits]

The article says to name a power of attorney so that they can write a check for the funeral after your death. Isn’t this incorrect? I thought my memory was that POAs expire upon death.

Yes, I too am under the impression the POA expires with the death of individual.

That is correct. A Durable POA expires when the principal dies or it does in WV. I was completing one for my Mother this morning.

[DireStraits]

My Dad just died last month. 10 years ago, he gave me a folder with important information, such as:

1. His will
2. Life insurance policy numbers and phone numbers (not a lot, but it paid for the funeral)
3. DD214 (military papers)
4. Phone numbers of people to be contacted
5. Information to include in the obituary
6. Recommendations for a funeral home, who to give the eulogy, a lawyer, an auction company, and a realtor

He then had a notebook on his desk with the bills he paid monthly, along with all his 2023 tax documents, the title to his truck, and bank account statements.

He had also put his bank account and deed to his house jointly in my name 10 years ago. This allowed me to avoid probate and use a small estate affidavit for everything. It saved me a ton of hassle and expense.

I am going to do all of this for my kids.

My Father done the same.

My brother and I were listed as co-owners on the accounts we were to receive. New deeds were drafted with our names on the property we were to inherit, but left unrecorded. We recorded the deeds after his death. It was a very smooth transition.

I currently have a Will and Trust, but if I'm fortunate enough to see it coming, I plan on doing the same as my Father did.

[snackdog]

This is easy.

1) shop around for your preferred crematorium either by location or price. Around $700-1000 is good.
2) Decide if you want a cardboard box or a fancy urn provided by the crematorium or if you want to provide it. Urns are extra.
3) Decide if you want the ashes shipped to anyone or picked up. If shipping (like to a national cemetery), write down the address.
5) Decide if any service will occur at the mortuary (extra cost).
6) Ask is anyone in your family plans to witness the burning - usually costs extra.
7) Meet with the crematorium folks (and executor/trustee if possible) and write down your wishes. Have them provide business cards. Have them document the steps involved on the day, e.g.
A) we get the call and send a van within 24 hours
B) body is cremated within 48 hours
C) ashes are shipped or available for pickup within 24 more hours.
D) payment due by credit card (before body pickup? before ash delivery?) - no need to prepay before you die.

8) Write down all these facts and go over them with your executor/trustee. Store with LW&T.

[Doom&Gloom]

Pre-planning does not require that every detail be planned in advance.
I recently went through this for myself as I didn't want anyone else to have to agonize over every detail as well as scrounge up the money to pay for it.
It was the easiest funeral I ever bought!

Me: "I want this. I don't want that. I want this to be done here and I want that to be done in this manner."

Funeral Home: "No problem. What about such and such?"

Me: "Doesn't matter to me. Somebody else can decide and do it the way they want."

FH: "OK. Well, what about whatchamacallit?"

Me: "I don't care one way or the other. Somebody will figure that out when it comes up. Let 'em fight over it if they want to."

FH: "All right! Well, what about hickymabob?"

Me: "I don't care at all. These people aren't helpless. They can make some decisions without me being involved."

FH: "Sounds like a plan! Here's what you owe for what you have picked out. If someone wants to add anything at all, they can do it, and we'll bill them for it."

Me: "Perfect! Y'all got any more of that tasty funeral home coffee?"

[ROIGuy]

Part of the Blue Book (thank you Rob Berger) that I put together with my DW includes information that we discussed of what to do when either of us dies. I even went to the funeral home and got all the information (procedures and costs) of what to do and options when one of us dies.

[RickBoglehead]

I am looking at a no frills cremation but am concerned the funeral home would go out of business/change ownership in the next 20+ years (estimated life expectancy). Has anyone experienced problems with funeral pre-payment hassles along these lines?

'Because of that very possibility, some states do not allow prepay. Arizona doesn't/or didn't. I kept a check in my file cabinet written to the crematory of my choice in my file cabinet, re-written over time as needed. Along with it of course was their contact info, website, etc. But I'm no longer there, and have no idea what ever else needs done, as suggested in my first post.

A check signed by a dead person isn't valid. Bank account will be locked up in death.

[RickBoglehead]

States have regulations. Some states require a funeral director be involved, and that has a cost.

[bowtie]

I haven't finished reading thru this whole thread, but noticed someone mentioned Funeral Consumers Alliance which I have also looked into for good information. They have a newsletter and even conferences. They have advised, as I believe Abe said above, that pre-planning is OK but they advise against actually paying in advance for any of it. I noticed that at least one poster here though said their relative's prepaid as well as pre planned wishes went very well. So there's a lot to think about. Good wishes. We've discussed this before on this site a few years past.

[bowtie]

I haven't finished reading thru this whole thread, but noticed someone mentioned Funeral Consumers Alliance which I have also looked into for good information. They have a newsletter and even conferences. They have advised, as I believe Abe said above, that pre-planning is OK but they advise against actually paying in advance for any of it. I noticed that at least one poster here though said their relative's prepaid as well as pre planned wishes went very well. So there's a lot to think about. Good wishes. We've discussed this before on this site a few years past.

[bowtie]

Apologies for double post - I do not know how to get rid of one of them

[Abe]

I haven't finished reading thru this whole thread, but noticed someone mentioned Funeral Consumers Alliance which I have also looked into for good information. They have a newsletter and even conferences. They have advised, as I believe Abe said above, that pre-planning is OK but they advise against actually paying in advance for any of it. I noticed that at least one poster here though said their relative's prepaid as well as pre planned wishes went very well. So there's a lot to think about. Good wishes. We've discussed this before on this site a few years past.

Thanks bowtie. I am the one that posted about Funeral Consumers Alliance up thread and yes, they don't recommend prepaying for a funeral.
My mother had a paid up prepaid burial plan with a local Funeral Home. The funeral home changed hands, and the plan later sold to Monumental Life Insurance Company. The contract specifically stated they would pay the entire cost of a full service funeral including the casket. When my mother died, they refused to pay for the funeral. The only thing they would pay was $250.00. Long story short, I only got $250.

One of the main disadvantages of a prepaid funeral is that it can be difficult to get your money back if you change your mind. Once you pay into a prepaid funeral plan, you may not be able to get a refund if you decide you don't want the services.

Another disadvantage of a prepaid funeral is that many prepaid funeral plans assume that the funeral home you're working with will still be in business when the funds are eventually needed. If the funeral home goes out of business, you may not be able to get your money back. If the funeral home is bought out by another funeral home, you may not be able to get your money back.

Finally, if you move out of state or no longer want to work with the funeral home you have a prepaid funeral plan with, you'll likely be out of luck and will not be able to get your money back.
Please go to Funeral Consumers Alliance's site and read what they have to say about prepaid funeral plans.
Here is a link to it:

https://funerals.org/get-help/pre-plann ... irectives/

[RickBoglehead]

My in-laws bought 6 plots with their sister and brother in-law, nothing specified about who got what. They used 3 of the spots. Then a brother died and another spot was used, leaving 2.

Then my FIL found out that burials at national cemeteries are free, and went that route. We now have 2 useless plots that basically have little value.

[SmileyFace]

Then my FIL found out that burials at national cemeteries are free, and went that route.

Can you expand on this? Are you talking about veteran benefits or something else?
The only free burial I was aware of was for war time veterans.
I was surpised to find out plots were pretty inexpensive. We paid more for the grave marker (small stone momument) than we did for the plot.

[RickBoglehead]

Then my FIL found out that burials at national cemeteries are free, and went that route.

Can you expand on this? Are you talking about veteran benefits or something else?
The only free burial I was aware of was for war time veterans.
I was surpised to find out plots were pretty inexpensive. We paid more for the grave marker (small stone momument) than we did for the plot.

https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/eligibility/

[SmileyFace]

Then my FIL found out that burials at national cemeteries are free, and went that route.

Can you expand on this? Are you talking about veteran benefits or something else?
The only free burial I was aware of was for war time veterans.
I was surpised to find out plots were pretty inexpensive. We paid more for the grave marker (small stone momument) than we did for the plot.

https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/eligibility/

Got it - you didn't mention VA that's what I wanted clarification on (wasn't sure if there was some other program you were referring to).
Thanks.
Note some city/town cemeteries ALSO have sections designated for wartime veterans under the VA program (doesn't necessarily have to be a national cemetery).

[Dufus]

I want my remains scattered at the IRS. I DO NOT wish to be cremated.

[Doom&Gloom]

My in-laws bought 6 plots with their sister and brother in-law, nothing specified about who got what. They used 3 of the spots. Then a brother died and another spot was used, leaving 2.

Then my FIL found out that burials at national cemeteries are free, and went that route. We now have 2 useless plots that basically have little value.

The father of a friend of mine bought a plot with 10 sites. I think six are occupied now--with only one or two more likely to be filled. He likely would have been happy if only two of the ten spots were occupied. People's expectations and wishes can be very different; his son told me that his dad wanted a little elbow room. Not everyone is seeking maximum financial value.

[RickBoglehead]

I want my remains scattered at the IRS. I DO NOT wish to be cremated.

LMAO

[dcabler]

My parents pre-planned and pre-paid for everything 20 years before the first one passed. It was amazing that none of us had to do much in the way of logistics because of that...

Cheers.

[hudson]

Quote from NYT 3/16/24 article: ..."The amount of decisions that have to be made within 24 to 72 hours to put on a funeral, especially if you aren't prepared or have pre-arrangements, is shocking"...
So, I'm still kicking. What can I do to "prepare" for my funeral--which will be a cremation?

It depends. If you are near the end and living in your final destination, maybe.
If you still have 10-20 years to go, maybe not.
I've helped work through 2 funerals...not a big deal. The funeral folks do the heavy lifting, the survivors just say yes or no and come up with the cash.
I believe that funerals are for the survivors, not the deceased. I plan to leave it to them to decide what they want.
I've already told them to go cheap...maybe avoid the funeral homes altogether if possible. It's going to be their call and their deal. I'll pay. The more they spend, the less they'll get.

I hope my obituary says no services now; an event will be planned at a later date.

[mariezzz]

On this, if you've ever had experience dealing with planning the funeral of a close relative or friend, think of all the fast decisions that had to be made related to the funeral. You'll be helping your family by doing this - otherwise, they'll all be trying to guess what you wanted.

Write your own obituary. It can be tweaked, but you're the best one to get details in it. These days, you can write a long one for the internet & funeral card, and a shorter version can be published in the newspaper (if family wants to keep costs down).
What kind of flowers do you want?
Do you prefer people donate to some organization?
You can pick out a funeral card, and prayer + specify what you want on the funeral card. (If funeral card options change over time, family at least can go on what you chose.)
Do you want to specify a funeral home?
Cremated? Buried? If being buried: What kind of casket (a fairly low-cost (frugal) one? a more expensive (wooden) one)? Do you want a vault at the cemetery? If cremated, what to do with ashes? Deposit in a crematorium? Scatter? There are getting to be other options, like green burials, too. I have a relative who snuck the ashes of a beloved dog in with her dad's ashes (dad's wish); they did this very quietly because they weren't sure that the cemetery officially permitted it.

Write down what kind of service you want. Religious ceremony? Other? If church/synagogue, etc, what church/synagogue? what hymns, readings (+ who you would like to do the readings). If other, write down the details. What music? Anything specific to be said or read?
(For examples of lighthearted celebrations of life, see videos on youtube of Graham Chapman's (from Monty Python) funeral, where John proclaims to be the first person to say f*** at a funeral), and they end with "Always look on the bright side of life".

Do you want a luncheon after the ceremony? If yes, do you prefer a specific business to cater, or at least, certain kinds of foods?

And of course, all the relevant financial details. Keep updated a list of all financial accounts numbers, with rough balances, who the beneficiaries of each are. Make sure all bank accounts have a POD designation (you'll simplify a lot for your executor by specifying beneficiaries). Keep a list of all bank / savings / checking accounts. Keep a list of all life insurance policies. Write down where safe deposit box keys are.

Ideally: Distribute copies of your estate documents to all beneficiaries, or at the very least, make sure they're in the hands of (a few) responsible someone(s).

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With Vanguard, we found out that if someone has multiple different brokerage accounts that have a trust as the beneficiary, you'll need to know all account numbers. You'd kind of think that when an executor contacts Vanguard about setting up a trust distribution account, that Vanguard would move all of the deceased's accounts into it automatically (they all fall under the 'umbrella' of that person's holdings). That is not the case. In our case, the executor thought there was only one brokerage account, so only entered one account number. It was only a month or so later, when the executor said there was only $X amount to be distributed, that we realized the executor had missed an account (executor was probably the last person who should have been the executor - wasn't very knowledgeable about, or good with financial things). Not sure if other financial institutions operate the same way.

[bikechuck]

Write a plan of everything you want for your funeral. Then meet with a funeral home and prepay for your funeral expenses. At that time, give the funeral director your written plans so he/she is aware of your desires. Also give a copy of your written plans to someone you trust or the person who will execute your estate.

We handled things this way for my mother and it worked well because she was never going to move very far.

What happens if you pre-pay while a resident of state A and later move to state B?

[SmileyFace]

Write a plan of everything you want for your funeral. Then meet with a funeral home and prepay for your funeral expenses. At that time, give the funeral director your written plans so he/she is aware of your desires. Also give a copy of your written plans to someone you trust or the person who will execute your estate.

We handled things this way for my mother and it worked well because she was never going to move very far.

What happens if you pre-pay while a resident of state A and later move to state B?

You can get a revocable contract. Move states and you can cancel the plan and monies are returned.

[TravelforFun]

Donate your body to the state. They pick up your body, use parts that can be salvaged, cremate the rest, and return your ash to next of kin. No planning required besides signing the back of your license, and no pre or post payments.

TravelforFun

[RudyS]

We are in the mid-80's. living near our kids, and likely to stay here till the end. Recently bought plots via resale at local cemetery, hence at about 50% off of regular price. Made plans with local funeral home, and prepaid. That cost goes into escrow till needed. Told kids what we are doing, and they were very appreciative!

[yankees60]

Quote from NYT 3/16/24 article: ..."The amount of decisions that have to be made within 24 to 72 hours to put on a funeral, especially if you aren't prepared or have pre-arrangements, is shocking"...
So, I'm still kicking. What can I do to "prepare" for my funeral--which will be a cremation?

I once got a call as to whether or not I should provide life support for my mother. She lived but it told me that I did not want to receive a call telling me she had died and now, all of sudden, I had to determine funeral arrangements.

I approached my Aunt and Uncle who I was closest to and told them I wanted to have preparations in place so that when the time came ... we could just carry out the plan.

This was about 35 years ago so memories are not clear but I'm seeming to remember that they did most of the work for me in getting it all set up so that when the time came around six to twelve months later ... the plan in place was implemented.