Any Practical Advice for Parents of Rising College Freshman

[azb]

The college selection process has come to the end and my son has made his selection (fortunately at an instate school that even offered him a scholarship). His school is about 6 hours away from us in a pretty rural setting. I would appreciate any practical advice from those who have made this transition.

[psteinx]

Stores in/near the small college town (Wal-Mart, etc.) are likely to be sold out of college-type stuff on move-in weekend. Consider doing your shopping before you leave, a couple weeks before move-in.

Don't leave cases of Ramen noodles and such with your kid - their eating habits may be hard to predict, and it may go to waste. Leave them with a modest assortment, and after they are there for a few weeks, they'll know their habits better, and can ask you to bring stuff on your first or second visit.

Don't build up the roommate relationship too much. They may hope/expect to be besties with their roommate, but it may not work out. Encourage the kid to go to the activity fair and make contact with MANY organizations. Some of those things don't pan out, so better to start with 4-6, hoping for 1-2 that click. Note that while the school may claim hundreds of student organizations, many of these may be ~defunct/on fumes. Or an excuse for an older group of kids to get a slice of student activity fees and they're not that eager to welcome new joiners. (Of course, this won't be the case with ALL organizations, but just be aware that what's on paper may not be the same as what's realistically open and available).

Probably better to get them a good notebook computer before they go down, and get it setup, if they don't already have one. If they have a desktop, for gaming or whatever, fine, but a notebook can go with them to the library, to group meetings, etc.

Think about meal plan options - notably, "big meal plan" vs. "small meal plan, supplemented by some spending cash and/or $ deposited into the universities points plan".

Make sure they know how to do the laundry, both the general mechanics (use laundry soap/pods, separate whites, reds, other colors), and the specifics there at the college. Different colleges have different methods to use the laundry machines. Your kid may need rolls of quarters, or maybe not.

Your kid will be homesick after a few weeks. Plan to go down and visit him/her. Better, to some extent, to visit THERE than to encourage/allow your kid to come home for weekends too often.

If you're not so up on the latest communications trends, be prepared to start adopting them, to communicate with your kid. Zoom, Facetime, texting, etc. It's a lot easier to stay in touch now than a generation or two ago.

Be wary of a bed that is significantly elevated/lofted. Floors in dorm buildings are often quite hard (concrete or whatever with a thin layer of linoleum over). Kids can fall out of the beds - much worse if the bed is high vs. low. Also, a justification for some type of rug that extends to the edge of the bed or a bit beyond (underneath) - a little extra cushioning if something SHOULD happen.

[azb]

Very useful advice. Any thoughts on choosing among the myriad meal plan options. The advice we have had so far was to start with a plan with lots of meals and then reduce based on experience. My son is not one to miss meals!

[MarkRoulo]

The college selection process has come to the end and my son has made his selection (fortunately at an instate school that even offered him a scholarship). His school is about 6 hours away from us in a pretty rural setting. I would appreciate any practical advice from those who have made this transition.

It is reasonable to want to stay in contact with your son, but limit the amount of "hovering" you do. Asking for a phone call once per week is fine. Expecting to speak to your son daily is not fine [and I might be dating myself, but this came up with a co-worker and her child about ten years ago ...].

DON'T ask him questions that you don't want answered (e.g. "So, what did you do last Friday night?")

[runner540]

The college selection process has come to the end and my son has made his selection (fortunately at an instate school that even offered him a scholarship). His school is about 6 hours away from us in a pretty rural setting. I would appreciate any practical advice from those who have made this transition.

Figure out who will pay for what while he’s at school (gas, books, meals out, etc) and help him set up a budget app. YNAB is free for college students.

[psteinx]

Very useful advice. Any thoughts on choosing among the myriad meal plan options. The advice we have had so far was to start with a plan with lots of meals and then reduce based on experience. My son is not one to miss meals!

Some of it is a math problem, with the inputs being the various options the school offers. But in general, flexibility is better than inflexibility. Points that don't expire are likely better than points that do, and/or fixed meal allotments that may go unused. Anything that works more broadly (not only in the main cafeterias, but also in the little coffee shop or burger joint) is likely better. That said, discourage your kid from getting in the habit of ~$5 (or the point equivalent) lattes on a regular basis.

[livesoft]

Give your adult child space to be an adult. Make them completely responsible for their own life.

[markcoop]

I bought my daughter a new computer to start college this year. It has been great. But the real game-changer for her was getting an I-pad half way through the first semester. I was a bit dubious if she really needed it. She takes notes on it and uses it as second monitor (she discovered that by accident). She says the note taking on an I-pad in science classes is so important with the ability to cut and paste complex pictures/diagrams into her notes. She used the term "game-changer".

Also, she gets most of her text books digitally, so it is another way to read text-books.

[quantAndHold]

Tell them to take a PE class. The freshman 15 is real.

Otherwise, give them a budget and let them sort it out. This is their chance to learn to be an adult.

[London]

Accidentally leave a case of beer with his stuff on move in day.

[warner25]

...Expecting to speak to your son daily is not fine [and I might be dating myself, but this came up with a co-worker and her child about ten years ago ...]...

I definitely knew people in the mid-2000s whose parents required a phone call, or at least an email, daily when they were back in their dorm room for the night. I was in ROTC, and we got back to campus a few hours later than expected from a training event one weekend, and I had several missed calls and a voicemail from the parents of one of my ROTC friends. He had 47 missed calls from his parents on his own phone. We all thought it was crazy and he was mortified.

[psteinx]

With texts these days, it's a fairly low intensity way to exchange short messages. And most kids these days send vastly more texts than their parents (to their peers, etc.). So, encourage your kid to send you a text or two on a more frequent basis, and maybe check in with a phone call weekly or so.

[Pdxnative]

Adding to some of the good advice so far:

Figure out what medical documents you need in your/their state in order to get medical information should something happen— have had friends with kid across the country in ER and no ability to get any info because they didn’t have the medical POA or similar doc for that state.

Make sure they understand how your medical insurance works and how they can access care without you being involved. Most kids don’t understand PPO, HMO, etc. They should know how to figure out which doctors they can see. Typically the campus health center will be free to them but more complex cases will be sent off campus. The health center may or may not be good at figuring out your insurance.

Have a plan for how they’ll pay for things like books, clickers, etc. We had them as authorized users on one of our cards and everything school related went on there. But it’s not a bad idea for them also to have their own credit card for their own expenses and figure out how to use it responsibly.

Don’t forget to enjoy the last bit of time with them in your house. Things change when they are just coming home to visit, and in many cases they will not have the time to hang out with you much. So a few family vacations and also savoring the simple stuff now is good.

It’s stressful for some kids to go to a new environment. Let them know that if they run into academic challenges, that’s normal and they have your support. Good students put a lot of pressure on themselves and sometimes freak out at the first B on a paper or exam. It’s fine to want them to do well, but from what I’ve seen with good students, excessive stress is a much bigger risk than poor grades. It’s good to have a good GPA for the internship and job search, but it doesn’t have to be perfect and even if it’s just okay the student isn’t doomed.

On the social side, some conversations letting them know that the person they are is great right now; they don’t have to change who they are to find their people and form relationships in college. (ETA: realized this could be misinterpreted. What I mean is that a nice, calm introvert doesn’t need to become a crazed, jerky party animal to form friendships.)

[warner25]

Probably better to get them a good notebook computer before they go down, and get it setup, if they don't already have one.

It seems like this is when some computer security becomes especially important to know, since they'll be in an environment where other people might have easy physical access to their machine, and it's a personal machine rather than one issued and managed (i.e. locked down) by the school, and they might be creating a lot of new accounts for themselves.

Or maybe I'm dating myself now, because kids already deal with all of this in high school or even middle school(?).

[psteinx]

Also re: notebook computers, etc.

Some campus bookstores have good deals. Sometimes there are opportunities to bundle in service of some kind (i.e. extended warranty and/or misc. troubleshooting, etc.) as part of a purchase.

Think about Mac vs. Windows (vs. maybe, Linux/Google), and also iPad/tablet (maybe with keyboard) vs. notebook.

Apple in particular I think caters to the educational market, so if your kid prefers Apple stuff, then it may make sense to enquire with the campus bookstore about more favorable deals for students than the general public, and/or to look into the history of new models/improvements/bundles/sales/deals that Apple may offer in the July-Sept back-to-school timeframe.

And of course, your kid's tech needs may vary based on planned course of study (engineering vs. fine arts vs. liberal arts). What is preferred/recommended/mandated by the school/department/class/peer groups may vary based on these things.

[123]

The beds in college dorms and residence halls are usually TWIN XL (extra long). You should confirm the size with the dorm/residence halls or it may be indicated on their welcome materials. They're about 4 inches longer than the normal residential twin bed. So if the dorm requires the student to provide their own sheets regular twin fitted sheets will be too short for twin XL, they won't fit. Just something to be mindful of.

[psteinx]

Confirming - yes the (possible/likely) twin XL bedsheets are something to be aware of...

[KRP]

Some schools have an (overly? ha) active parent group somewhere in social media...fb or wherever...these can be very helpful for parents (first years will refuse to join, sophomores will be forced to join if searching for roomates).

Also, your kid may need some way to share some costs with other kids...Venmo (yuck) for example. Read the boglehead threads so setup is done well.

If your kid decides to work, they will need their SS card.

All that was said above was good stuff too.

Good luck!

[mjg]

Self deleted comment.

[HereToLearn]

Very useful advice. Any thoughts on choosing among the myriad meal plan options. The advice we have had so far was to start with a plan with lots of meals and then reduce based on experience. My son is not one to miss meals!

Confirm the university's change policy. At the schools my children attended, they were locked into their meal plan choices for the full semester within a week or ten days of start of term. Unfortunately, most students do not have a feel for how they will use the meal plan that quickly, so this may be an area where money is 'wasted' the first year.

Other random comment about bedding. Mattresses tend to be these thin blue vinyl things that benefit from the addition of a three inch memory foam mattress topper. I bought a regular twin-sized mattress topper but XL Twin sheets & quilted mattress pad. Costco often stocks both the mattress topper and quilted mattress pad during the summer months for college move-ins.

Banking--my children had no need for a local bank or cash. Venmo was used among friend and CC for everything else. If your child does not yet have his own CC in his name, you may want to have him apply for that now so that he can familiarize himself with bill paying. I had my children set up autopay for the full balance each month, fearing they would forget to pay the bill otherwise. I also gave my children a CC under my account for 'approved' purchases: travel to & from school, textbooks, medical, hair cuts, basically anything other than 'going out' expenses.

Computers--If looking at an Apple device, they usually run a promotion each summer for college students. I haven't purchased one through the education program in a few years, but they usually discount by maybe 10% and then offer free AirPods.

If buying a non-Apple device, Costco used to sell insurance for maybe $99 that extended their two year 'Drops & Spills' warranty to four years. I do not know if they still sell the additional insurance, but if they do, it could be worthwhile.

Your student may want to purchase inexpensive renter's insurance for phones, bikes, laptops, or in the event of a flooding or other mishap in the residence hall.

Congrats on surviving the admission process!

[psteinx]

My oldest went to a ~semi-urban campus that I thought would be very bikeable (with a big municipal park adjacent to the U). I even asked bike advice here on BH I think. Folks recommended pricey bike-shop bikes but I got something cheap from Target or Wal-Mart. Kid ended up not using the bike much, for various reasons. I don't think a pricey bike would have gotten much MORE use. Bike sat only semi-protected under bike sheds for ~2 years, by which time it was kinda rusty and kid knew she definitely didn't want the bike - I got rid of it.

Middle kid got no bike and didn't miss having one.

Youngest will be going this coming August to same U. as oldest. We don't plan to get her a bike.

(Basic drawbacks of bikes - hills/steps, securing the bike, inclement weather, narrow and/or crowded walkways not conducive to bikes or on which bikes are forbidden. Also, bikes have few social possibilities than walking to class.)

[TomatoTomahto]

At the risk of being out of line (delete if it is), the best advice might be to advise him to "keep it zipped".

This site is not a gambling site, but if it were, I'd give you pretty long odds on that happening.

[Luckywon]

At the risk of being out of line (delete if it is), the best advice might be to advise him to "keep it zipped".

This site is not a gambling site, but if it were, I'd give you pretty long odds on that happening.

Indeed, such advice is probably as likely to influence behavior as the next US vs INT thread.

[verbose]

Be very glad that your rising freshman isn't starting during Covid. Mine started freshman year in 2020.

Moving on...

Meal plans: flexibility is key. Your college student may not skip meals, but the timing of the meals is unlikely to match traditional meal times. Without a listing of meal plan options, I can't say more. Freshman are often required to have a comprehensive meal plan while lighter/no meal plans are allowed for upperclassmen, who may have kitchens in their housing.

Do not plan to go to Walmart on move-in weekend. At all. My kid's college is in a rural town and the locals avoid all shopping on move-in weekend. As one college counselor said: it isn't worth 45 minutes in line because you forgot to bring soap. Bring every non-food item your student needs.

The dorm wi-fi may not be what you expect. While phones and computers should be fine, the wi-fi may not support gaming consoles, printers and other devices. Make sure you have cables for those. You probably need to check in advance to find out how the wifi works and if there is any wired network to the rooms.

The housing department at most universities wants the freshman experience to be good, and they are responsive to parents. Find their email. Ask questions. It's very different than when we were college students, which was a surprisingly long time ago (do the math, it hurts).

Try to coordinate dorm room furnishings with your freshman's roommate, but completely unresponsive roommates are apparently normal. I don't know what the deal is. If they don't respond, it doesn't mean they won't be there.

Remind your freshman to check his physical mailbox. I shouldn't need to say this, but apparently it's a generational thing. Almost nothing of value will arrive there, but my college student would spend an entire semester ignoring the mailbox. It's a good adult habit to check it and toss the junk mail. If you (or relatives) send a few cards in the mail, it can help build the habit for the student.

Remind your freshman that the college counselors are there for everyone. Colleges tend to have very good counseling facilities now. I don't just mean the "pick your courses" counselor, but the mental health counselors. Encourage your student to use the resources. Most incoming freshman will struggle a bit at first. Mine benefited greatly from the counselors on campus, especially with the isolation from all the Covid restrictions.

As for communication, work something out that kind of counts as "proof of life." With my kid, I send her pictures of our cats (we have 3). I just text her a picture that I just took of whichever cat is nearest me. She responds, either by liking the picture or with "awww". We don't need to have a conversation at that time. I know she's there and that's enough. Figure out what your freshman will respond to.

[Dregob]

Don't let the come home for a month or so. I am serious. They may not be homesick and it won't be an issue. But weekends are important to make friends and form bonds.

[Watty]

The college selection process has come to the end and my son has made his selection (fortunately at an instate school that even offered him a scholarship). His school is about 6 hours away from us in a pretty rural setting. I would appreciate any practical advice from those who have made this transition.

A couple of things;

1) Look up that college's graduation and retention rate and talk it over with your son. Even a good college may only have a 90% graduation rate. Some state universities may not even have a 50% graduation rate.

My son choose to go to a state university that did not have good graduation and retention rates. I talked it over with my son to make sure that he knew that he could not use the other students actions to judge how hard he should study and how much he should party since a significant percentage of the other students will not make it through college. During his freshman year a number of students on his dorm floor did not return after Christmas break and he even mentioned he was glad that we had talked about that. Seeing the other students fail was an eyeopener for him and reinforced that he was playing for keeps.

Some partying and social activity is good and expected but encourage him to pace himself so that he can be there for four years to enjoy the good times. Four years of moderate social activity is a lot better than one or two wild semesters then dropping out.

2) Talk over your feelings and expectations about fraternities. There are strong opinions about them on both sides and even if you had a good fraternity or sorority experience 20+ years ago things might be a lot different at his college now. Be sure to understand what one might cost and who would pay for it. Some of them can be very expensive since not only do you have the stated costs but there will be other things that he will also be expected to also spend money on.

3) Talk over with him the need to be sensitive around other students when talking about money. He has a scholarship and you may be able to pay for some of his college costs but other students might be on a much tighter budget so even doing something like going out for pizza or a movie might be something they can't afford. If he has not been around people with real limited means then it could be easy to say things that are inappropriate without realizing it which would make him sound like a real jerk.

4) Establish what your expectations are about him working during the school year. We were fortunate to be able to pay for our sons college so we set the rule that he could not work during the school year his freshman year since he should be focusing on his classes. We were glad that we had set that rule when we heard that one of his roommates was working at a Taco Bell and doing things like working until 2:00 AM during finals week and that greatly impacted his grades. After his freshman year he could only work during the school year if he could find a job related to his major. He was able to find a part time job at the campus computer center which worked well with his computer science degree and helped when he was looking for his first job after he graduated.

Of course if money is real tight and he needs to work during the school year to get by that is a different situation.

5) Talk with him about the importance of getting internships and he should start figuring out how that works for his major and be agressive about trying to get one.

6) With him getting a scholarship I would assume that he was somewhere in the top of his class in high School. Most of the other freshman were likely good students too so he may only be average in college. Being an average student can be a shock for some students and he may need to learn a whole lot of new study skills including figuring out how to get through a class he is struggling in. He will also need to learn to get help sooner than later when it needs it since it will be real hard to catch up if he gets behind. Most colleges have lots of ways to get help but you may need to be agressive in seeking it out.

[Watty]

At the risk of being out of line (delete if it is), the best advice might be to advise him to "keep it zipped".

This site is not a gambling site, but if it were, I'd give you pretty long odds on that happening.

Maybe if he was a boy scout a reminder about the boy motto "Be prepared" might be a more pragmatic approach.

It would be good to also remind him that cell phone cameras are everywhere now so to be cautious about thing that might come back to haunt him in later life. All things considered I was pretty tame but I am sure glad that cell phone cameras were not around when I was his age.

[Watty]

Two more things.

7) Talk with him about the need to eat well and get exercise. Often college dining halls will have unlimited food that is often high in calories and carbs. There is a lot of truth in the saying "freshman 15" about students putting on 15 or more pounds during their freshman year.

The opposite can also be true and some students may be picky eaters and not like dorm food and not eat well.

8) Also walk through how they should get medical care if they need it and how important it can be to use in-network doctors or urgent care facility and find out how the billing for any campus health center will work with your insurance.

[J295]

Without a deep knowledge of the parents and the child, I will not give parenting advice.

So my suggestion to you is to filter all of the advice here and apply it as you see, fit or not to your particular situation.

Here’s one data point. In our case, we didn’t give our kids any “advice “so to speak when they left. All of the lessons they needed to learn from us had been learned prior to leaving for college. Looking back, they had learned from us to some extent by our words, but principally by our actions.

YMMV

[SpaghettiLegs]

My wife and I were both dead against our son joining a fraternity (wife was in sorority in college, I was not). He called about a week into school asking if he could join one. To top it off he said he had to tell them his decision by midnight that night! We both made our arguments against, and whether he believed it or not he made a sound argument for, so we relented with the stipulation he had to pay the dues, etc. He ended up getting a job to earn extra money and it worked out great. He made some really good friends, had some leadership opportunities and if he did any really stupid stuff, it wasn’t stupid enough to come to my attention.

Other things: We gave him a monthly allowance, online transfer directly into his account, and he managed his own budget. He moved off campus after freshman year, so the allowance increased to cover his rent and groceries. He still used a food plan off campus but it was a lower tier one.

[Glockenspiel]

Don't let him come home until Thanksgiving, his first semester. The first two months of college is the time period in which you'll meet more people and make more friends than you might the entire rest of your life. Encourage good study habits during the day and between classes so that he can be more social in the evenings.

[Mr.BB]

Let them know that they can call you anytime in case of an emergency. You can even give them a preloaded card with a couple hundred bucks on it and let them know it is only for emergency's and you can check it's balance anytime to make sure it is not being used for a beer run or late night pizza.

[TomatoTomahto]

1. For the kids who have cars at college, or friends with cars, tell them that an Uber/Lyft ride will be paid for with no questions asked if they feel it would be unsafe to take the car. Even slightly unsafe. If they catch any social heat for this, get different friends.

2. Be mindful that college associates will be coming from a variety of backgrounds and financial situations. A slice of pizza might be no big deal for you but might be stretching a friend’s weekly budget. Learn to take this into account without making them feel bad.

3. The last thing you ever want to hear is that someone you’ve been intimate with has had second thoughts. If it’s worth being intimate with someone (for the first time with them), it’s worth doing sober.

[TomatoTomahto]

My wife and I were both dead against our son joining a fraternity (wife was in sorority in college, I was not). He called about a week into school asking if he could join one. To top it off he said he had to tell them his decision by midnight that night! We both made our arguments against, and whether he believed it or not he made a sound argument for, so we relented with the stipulation he had to pay the dues, etc. He ended up getting a job to earn extra money and it worked out great. He made some really good friends, had some leadership opportunities and if he did any really stupid stuff, it wasn’t stupid enough to come to my attention.

Our son knew my feelings about fraternities. He was stubborn and joined, eventually discovered that getting out of a fraternity is almost as difficult as getting out of a timeshare.

[Doom&Gloom]

My wife and I were both dead against our son joining a fraternity (wife was in sorority in college, I was not). He called about a week into school asking if he could join one. To top it off he said he had to tell them his decision by midnight that night! We both made our arguments against, and whether he believed it or not he made a sound argument for, so we relented with the stipulation he had to pay the dues, etc. He ended up getting a job to earn extra money and it worked out great. He made some really good friends, had some leadership opportunities and if he did any really stupid stuff, it wasn’t stupid enough to come to my attention.

Other things: We gave him a monthly allowance, online transfer directly into his account, and he managed his own budget. He moved off campus after freshman year, so the allowance increased to cover his rent and groceries. He still used a food plan off campus but it was a lower tier one.

We had a similar surprise. DS called and asked if it would be ok for him to join a fraternity if he was asked. We were stunned. He said there was only one he was interested in. They asked; he accepted. It turned out great, but it blew our meal plan all to pieces as one meal per day at the fraternity house was mandatory and another was optional. He dropped out of the fraternity during his junior year for reasons that I don't think he has yet totally revealed to us. It was a good experience for him, but YMMV. He made a lot of good friends and traveled with some of them during Spring Break (and other times) to other universities as well as other places he might never have visited on his own.

Other than that, our biggies were:
My convincing DW to listen to what the people at the university's freshman orientation said, which was essentially: "Don't be a helicopter parent. Let us take care of your child!" It was a struggle, but DW loosened her grip and eventually let go. Almost

My talking to DS repeatedly about what to do if stopped by the police, ie express his rights. Unfortunately, he is still too trusting of others and didn't listen. He has consented to at least a couple of unwarranted searches of his car after being stopped. AFAICT all stops, except possibly one, were due to profiling. Perhaps he will learn eventually

[DarthSage]

We have #4 heading off to college next year. Here are a few of my tips:

- encourage them to take a self-defense course. This goes double and triple for women, but men, too, can benefit.

- encourage them to do SOMETHING that isn't related to their major as an extracurricular. Play the cello, join a karate class, build sets for a play, learn to fence. Whatever brings them joy. They don't have to be good at these things, they just need an outlet.

- Know your child. Only kid #3 is living on campus these days--for her, the right meal plan had the least meals and the most "College Buck$", which you can use to purchase pre-packaged food, ingredients, whatever. Kid #3 isn't a big meal person. If you have have big eater, especially an athlete, the "all you can eat" plan might be a better choice for your child.

- I gave my girls a "bin of useful items" (older son didn't go away to college). It contained a whole bunch of things--tape, band-aids, a sewing kit, a flashlight, post-its, batteries, cold and flu supplies, on and on. In addition, I gave them each a small tool kit (small hammer, couple screwdrivers, level, tape measure, etc.--~$10 from Walmart). My younger DD called it the "bin o' crap", lovingly, but she used it a lot, and we refreshed it before she left for her sophomore year. It also helped her meet people in her dorm--everyone knew to see her if they needed scissors or an Allen wrench.

- Please, please send your child off with some life skills! My children have been stunned at how many kids arrive at college and can't do laundry, cook a meal, or sew on a button. They don't have to be Martha Stewart, but you want them to be able to fend for themselves.

[SimonJester]

Some great advice here! Lord willing both of mine will graduate in this may, its been a long tough road these past 5 years with covid in the mix of it all!

I will add the following:

Find out if housing will be providing carts / rolling bins for moving stuff in. If not grab a utility cart from costco / harbor freight, it will make a world of difference.

If your child has a desktop PC, check to see if it has WIFI, if not get a USB wifi adapter as there is probably not going to be wired internet.

Resist the urge on move in day to come into their room and start setting things up. Ask your child what they would like you to do and let them guide you.

We put our kids as an authorized user on a credit card for things like book and supplies they would need. They had worked out well. We set strict expectations that we were to be notified before charges and we required all receipts for 529 reimbursement.

We told the kids at any time they were not able to drive or were with a group and no one was able to drive they should take an uber and we would pay no questions asked...

Be prepared to cry (literally and figuratively). You will cry (figuratively) when you start writing those checks.

You will literally cry when you leave for that drive back home. For me it was the end of a major chapter in my life and the beginning of a new one. The previous 18 years had been kids kids kids... Now they were on their own. I was not prepared for how much that drive home would effect me. Mom handled it better or at least hid it better...

[azb]

These are all very helpful suggestions. I greatly appreciate the thought and effort that went into all of the responses. Some very useful material here.

[earlywynnfan]

Haven't seen this: If he's taking a car, make sure you have AAA.

[SimonJester]

Don’t forget to enjoy the last bit of time with them in your house. Things change when they are just coming home to visit, and in many cases they will not have the time to hang out with you much. So a few family vacations and also savoring the simple stuff now is good.

This for sure as well, however dont be hurt / disappointed if your child doesnt really want to spend their last summer with you. Many are trying to squeeze out every last minute with their old peer group before they head off to college.

Also dont be surprised or hurt if when they do come "home" and do not stay with you. As they become more and more independent (which is what we want) they might come home to see friends and never tell you they are in town.

Last tip, dont be surprised when they do come home if they have completely forgotten how to put a dish in the dish washer, and be prepared for six months of laundry catch up...

[carne_asada]

Make sure your child is mindful of their own mental health and seeks out available resources on campus if required.

[Parkinglotracer]

They may be / will be having sex, drinking a lot, buying buddies adhd drugs to use during finals, doing other illegal drugs, buying fake ids that scan real that tsa doesn’t like, etc so if you haven’t had an adult discussion with them as of late about these things you might consider easing into it. Some % of illegal drug use may cause psychosis/ mental illness. If you see the symptoms don’t wait to get them help and stop the drug use. Sometimes no drug use can have same symptoms.

We made it clear I’d pay for 4 years and no more - don’t let them string it out to 5 year plan. I’d have them start with an end game job in mind. Specific. Not business. There are cheaper places to find yourself. If they are not treating it seriously it’s time to take a year or two to work in the world. Serious students are getting good grades and hunting down internships sophomore / jr year. There are offices at school that can help.

Make it clear what the rules are at home when they come home from college. Curfew, drinking ‘ driving, underage drinking, Fake ids. They will not like the added supervision but if they are living with you maybe they should follow your rules.

Love ‘em!

[barnaclebob]

Your kid will be homesick after a few weeks. Plan to go down and visit him/her. Better, to some extent, to visit THERE than to encourage/allow your kid to come home for weekends too often.

Man I never got homesick. My dad was the right amount of annoying to motivate me from ever wanting to live with him again but not hate him lol. Hes still a bit annoying though.

[dan7800]

A professor here. I teach a class for college freshman. My advice is this: They are adults, treat them like it. Start doing it BEFORE they come to campus. I HATE when I hear things from advisors and other faculty (and parents) saying things analogous to "they're only 18" in regards to them remembering to study for tests etc..

[Northern Flicker]

Give your adult child space to be an adult. Make them completely responsible for their own life.

+1000. Unless the student has specific issues requiring parental assistance (such as a disability) adopt a no-news-is-good-news attitude.

[wrendan]

Very useful advice. Any thoughts on choosing among the myriad meal plan options. The advice we have had so far was to start with a plan with lots of meals and then reduce based on experience. My son is not one to miss meals!

1. Big meal plan - hands down. It’s better to have what one needs on campus than needing to venture out - grocery stores closest to campus charge higher prices.
2. Read housing rules and don’t send excess appliances - they will be removed
3. Good headphones and a fan for dorm room to block out noises
4. This really should be number one but talk to your child (regardless of gender) about affirmative consent and setting/respecting boundaries. Parents often assume this but it’s good to revisit it.
5. Alcohol and substance use are common - off campus is best to avoid university infractions - always ensure that they know Uber is an option. An MIP can be overcome but a DUI is a big red flag
5b. If your child consumes, make sure they are in a group that stays together and don’t get left behind
6. Make sure they are aware of the university health center
7. Make sure your child knows that regardless of what happens you will be there for them - not necessarily solve problems as adult decisions have adult consequences - but that they are not alone.

[TomatoTomahto]

They may be / will be having sex, drinking a lot, buying buddies adhd drugs to use during finals, doing other illegal drugs, buying fake ids that scan real that tsa doesn’t like, etc so if you haven’t had an adult discussion with them as of late about these things you might consider easing into it. Some % of illegal drug use may cause psychosis/ mental illness. If you see the symptoms don’t wait to get them help and stop the drug use. Sometimes no drug use can have same symptoms.

I imagine that most parents have already had this discussion when kids were in high school, but just in case:

Take full advantage of your constitutional right to have a lawyer present if you get into difficulties with authorities. Shut up!

If you are wondering if you should dial 911 for an unresponsive classmate, that's a sign to dial 911. Check out the Good Samaritan laws in your jurisdiction.

[HomeStretch]

Help prepare him by making sure he has/knows how to:
1) cook a few basic items for when he has an apartment with kitchen.
2) do his laundry.
3) use an ATM/write a check. Its helpful if you have access to the account in order to make deposits, if applicable.
4) has an uber/lyft account for transportation in rural areas if he doesn't have a car.
5) has a credit card for emergency purposes at least. Adding him as an authorized user also helps him build a credit record/score.
6) understands whatever loans he may be taking out and the future repayment terms.
7) good cell phone, laptop and printer.
8) has medical/dental card copies and understands how to access urgent medical care on campus or off.

Help him get his dorm room set up comfortably. Make sure he understands how to enroll in classes.

Send him cards and care packages...they are appreciated especially during the settling in process of first semester.

[stoptothink]

They may be / will be having sex, drinking a lot, buying buddies adhd drugs to use during finals, doing other illegal drugs, buying fake ids that scan real that tsa doesn’t like, etc so if you haven’t had an adult discussion with them as of late about these things you might consider easing into it. Some % of illegal drug use may cause psychosis/ mental illness. If you see the symptoms don’t wait to get them help and stop the drug use. Sometimes no drug use can have same symptoms.

Wife and I have never tasted alcohol or consumed a non-prescription drug in or lives nor partook in the other mentioned activities. My daughter's biological father is a drug addict who has had his life ruined by substance abuse, we have multiple siblings on both sides who are pretty extreme alcoholics (including my brother who lost a leg as a result of a drunk driving accident and still has drinking problems 15yrs later), and my kids have teenage cousins with drug issues - they've been around it since they were born, we had to have the conversations when they were just a few years old, and they have very strong opinions. Considering the circumstances, I would certainly hope this isn't an issue with them, but I guess you can never know. I saw a lot more drug/alcohol use just growing up than I did in college, but my experience probably wasn't normal.

[lgs88]

...I would appreciate any practical advice from those who have made this transition.

Explain to them that the expectation that "college will be the time of your life" is just marketing from the colleges themselves.

It may well be the time of their life, sometimes, but it will also be hard and lonely at times. That doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong, or that they're at the wrong college.