What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities
Topic Author
BarbBrooklyn
Posts: 914
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2018 9:33 am
Location: NYC

What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by BarbBrooklyn »

I agonize over this every year; I usually do Lands End or LL Bean shirts (for the son and SIL') and same brand nightgowns for the daughters and DIL's. It is getting old.

Two out of three of my kids have grandchildren, so we are not yet at the point where we can simply say "just gifts to the kids". My default is socks (usually from Costco) for everyone.

Does anyone have any brilliant ideas? I am open to suggestions!

[Typo in title fixed -- mod oldcomputerguy]
BarbBrooklyn | "The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."
Kookaburra
Posts: 490
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:14 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Kookaburra »

BarbBrooklyn wrote: Thu Nov 05, 2020 11:31 pm I agonize over this every year; I usually do Lands End or LL Bean shirts (for the son and SIL') and same brand nightgowns for the daughters and DIL's. It is getting old.

Two out of three of my kids have grandchildren, so we are not yet at the point where we can simply say "just gifts to the kids". My default is socks (usually from Costco) for everyone.

Does anyone have any brilliant ideas? I am open to suggestions!
Wait- you get the daughters a nightgown every year? Umm
muddgirl
Posts: 175
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 1:33 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by muddgirl »

We do family secret Santa so we only have to get one adult a gift.
littlebird
Posts: 1679
Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by littlebird »

A hug, those years that I see them.
Frugalbear
Posts: 252
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2019 7:35 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Frugalbear »

Here are some ideas I think are cool:

1. Coffee subscription

2. Group experiences- tough currently, but essentially where you all are getting together making memories where you foot the bill.

3.AAA memberships

4. Gift cards to their favorite places
-inlaws always get me cabela's, I dig it.

Good luck, I give you credit for attempting to think outside of the usual. Cheers.
Topic Author
BarbBrooklyn
Posts: 914
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2018 9:33 am
Location: NYC

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by BarbBrooklyn »

Kookaburra wrote: Thu Nov 05, 2020 11:36 pm
BarbBrooklyn wrote: Thu Nov 05, 2020 11:31 pm I agonize over this every year; I usually do Lands End or LL Bean shirts (for the son and SIL') and same brand nightgowns for the daughters and DIL's. It is getting old.

Two out of three of my kids have grandchildren, so we are not yet at the point where we can simply say "just gifts to the kids". My default is socks (usually from Costco) for everyone.

Does anyone have any brilliant ideas? I am open to suggestions!
Wait- you get the daughters a nightgown every year? Umm
So, this started a couple of years back whn Lands Ennd did a 50% off promotion and I was able to buy each of them a wonderful soft pima cotton nightgown (and my "boys" nice shirts). I am not someone who is invested in getting everyone the perfect present for the end of the year holidays.

Maybe gift cards ARE the betternchoicebfor this year
BarbBrooklyn | "The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."
User avatar
Bogle7
Posts: 824
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 9:33 am
Location: Mountain state

Cookware

Post by Bogle7 »

A militant atheist.
User avatar
Stinky
Posts: 6410
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 11:38 am
Location: Sweet Home Alabama

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Stinky »

A check. That way they can buy what they want.

Adult children are impossibly hard to shop for.
It's a GREAT day to be alive - Travis Tritt
makingmistakes
Posts: 118
Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2020 7:59 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by makingmistakes »

Stinky wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:13 am A check. That way they can buy what they want.

Adult children are impossibly hard to shop for.
This. As my friend says, the universal gift card.
AAA membership is also a good idea.
mmcmonster
Posts: 502
Joined: Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:18 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by mmcmonster »

Stinky wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:13 am A check. That way they can buy what they want.

Adult children are impossibly hard to shop for.
I used to go with "small unmarked bills", but a check works better now.

I struggle to think of the last time I actually bought something with cash. Certainly not in the last couple months.
adestefan
Posts: 132
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:22 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by adestefan »

As someone who has a mother and MIL that fret over this every year I tell them the best gift is nothing. We already have more way more stuff than we need and don’t need any money.

The worst part is they never listen and whatever thing they get us ends up being donated by March.
User avatar
slow n steady
Posts: 269
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:54 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by slow n steady »

adestefan wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 6:25 am As someone who has a mother and MIL that fret over this every year I tell them the best gift is nothing. We already have more way more stuff than we need and don’t need any money.

The worst part is they never listen and whatever thing they get us ends up being donated by March.
Exactly, I am very particular about what I will keep in my house so most things are donated. Checks are not needed but better than physical gifts.
Freetime76
Posts: 336
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2019 8:26 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Freetime76 »

My mom gives a check every year. Same amount (with instructions to spend it on ourselves, something fun not home improvements...which we are always doing). The little bit “extra” always is appreciated by both of us

Otherwise she goes the consumables route: a pound of flavored coffee, a bag of Ghirardelli chocolates, Haribo gummy bears for her SIL. Sometimes a kitchen towel or other unique thing from her local area. The best gift is that she comes to visit for a few days, instead of us making the trip.

Mom used to get me something from LL Bean, and I’d always exchange it...so I think it’s too hard to know sizes and styles. And we don’t really *need* anything.like slow n steady said, we are big time donators. We do not keep stuff.
mike_in_ny
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:48 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by mike_in_ny »

Gift Certificate for a local restaurant. Even if you're afar, you'll be amazed at how
helpful places are to mail it to you, etc.

Nobody needs another thing around the house in my family, but this is a
nice way for them to think about us when they're using it. Even if its just
when they find it in the drawer in March and say, "Hey we've got this gift
card from Mike &..."

This year, restaurants can certainly use the business, but I'd get it for ones that do
take-out.
runninginvestor
Posts: 161
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2020 8:00 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by runninginvestor »

We do a random selection where all of the adults get a gift ($50 or less) to another adult. Then all of the adults will usually buy the kids under 18 gifts. It works pretty well.
runner3081
Posts: 3822
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2016 3:22 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by runner3081 »

slow n steady wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 6:30 am
adestefan wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 6:25 am As someone who has a mother and MIL that fret over this every year I tell them the best gift is nothing. We already have more way more stuff than we need and don’t need any money.

The worst part is they never listen and whatever thing they get us ends up being donated by March.
Exactly, I am very particular about what I will keep in my house so most things are donated. Checks are not needed but better than physical gifts.
Another agreement on this one. We buy what we need, which is little and don't want the extra clutter. Sounds harsh, but true.
Carguy85
Posts: 360
Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 6:26 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Carguy85 »

No doubt a stressful time for me due to the obligatory spending by the wife and all the stress and wasted time to get things for people that they don’t need and won’t like. The kids usually get flooded with stuff by others (many new in package toys get donated) I find it to be like trick or treating. After a certain age isn’t it childish to want/expect gifts from others? Im a horrible gift giver or getter though. I hate opening gifts knowing beforehand that if I wanted or needed whatever it is I would have already bought it. The thread is entertaining though...maybe I’ll learn of some things I can pass on to my wife.
Last edited by Carguy85 on Fri Nov 06, 2020 7:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
PoppyA
Posts: 681
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 4:24 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by PoppyA »

I keep an Amazon “wish list”. Throughout the year I add things to it. There are always books on it. This year I have a bird feeder, and some adjustable kitchen drawer dividers on it too. I know my kids appreciate being able to check there for a birthday or Christmas gift. Now if I could only get them to do the same thing!
stoptothink
Posts: 8702
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:53 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by stoptothink »

adestefan wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 6:25 am As someone who has a mother and MIL that fret over this every year I tell them the best gift is nothing. We already have more way more stuff than we need and don’t need any money.

The worst part is they never listen and whatever thing they get us ends up being donated by March.
We must have the same mom and MIL. Fact of the matter is, we have significantly more resources than either one of them and we don't need stuff, but I am very concerned about financially support them moving forward (so I'd like them to buy less stuff). A few years ago I asked them to contribute to the 529 accounts of my kids in lieu of gifts for me; that didn't go so well.
NotWhoYouThink
Posts: 3268
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 4:19 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by NotWhoYouThink »

A check and a few stocking stuffers - maybe a cooking tool, or socks.
User avatar
msi
Posts: 622
Joined: Sun Feb 17, 2008 11:15 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by msi »

My mom gives Amazon gift cards and bakes cookies that I like.
peppers
Posts: 1481
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:05 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by peppers »

Benjamins. Cash says you care.
"..the cavalry ain't comin' kid, you're on your own..."
User avatar
TomatoTomahto
Posts: 11630
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 1:48 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

A turning point for me is when kids “no longer believe in Santa.” The smarter kids will game that, but eventually they can no longer pretend.

I am very generous with family and friends. I give gifts throughout the year, as something occurs to me. NO Christmas gifts.

I am surprised that this conversation is taking place on BH, which usually values rationality and value. What’s more irrational and less valuable than giving a probably useless gift because of the season?
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
rikki
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 2:03 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by rikki »

This year I'm planning on board games (Carcassonne, Dixit, Ticket to Ride) and hand and foot warmers for outdoor comfort.
User avatar
Steelersfan
Posts: 3865
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:47 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Steelersfan »

Two get checks, one prefers a wine club annual membership.
mak1277
Posts: 1732
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:26 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by mak1277 »

Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Minty
Posts: 421
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:19 pm
Location: NorCal

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Minty »

adestefan wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 6:25 am As someone who has a mother and MIL that fret over this every year I tell them the best gift is nothing. We already have more way more stuff than we need and don’t need any money.

The worst part is they never listen and whatever thing they get us ends up being donated by March.
Oh yes. My favorite gifts: 1-99: Nothing (but thanks for the thought!). 100: Cash. A donation to charity would be fine as well. That being said, there's one member of the family who gives little knick-knacks, and somehow comes up with things that people actually need or want and appreciate. A beloved member of the family now gone to his reward would ask what you wanted and buy that, or give you the money for it, that was also great.
Core Four w/ nominal bonds & TIPS. Refi Rampage: Purchase: 3.875% 30 -> R1 3% 20 -> R2 2.375% 15 -> R3 1.99% 15
User avatar
SmileyFace
Posts: 6249
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 10:11 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by SmileyFace »

mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:44 am Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Books are fine provided you know what the receiver of the gift likes to read. What you love someone else might have no interest in. I used to get a Hardcover book every year from my MIL - they were all donated to the local library unread. I always felt horrible doing so but to dedicate many hours reading something I have no interest in wasn't worth absolving me of my guilt. Also felt bad about the many wool sweaters and wool scarves I received over the years - wool feels so itchy to me - also all donated. We used to do Barnes&Noble gift cards in stockings.

OP: We either go for current interests (e.g. if we notice they have taken a liking to fine wine we buy them a nice set of bottles) or simply ask if there is anything that they are interested in. Some years we do money - or we do a simple gift and money. If they are home-owners/renters on their own there are more possibilities (Tool sets, cookware, etc.).
Carguy85
Posts: 360
Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 6:26 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Carguy85 »

In years past of suggesting gifting to families/kids much worse off than us, 529 contributions, etc the ideas are shot down right away and I just end up being the “Scrooge” for trying to interject some rationality/practicality. Deeply ingrained tradition for most I suppose....already getting frustrated thinking about it!
7eight9
Posts: 1683
Joined: Fri May 17, 2019 7:11 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by 7eight9 »

I'm more than fine with no gift. That said, if someone does want to give me a gift a check is preferred followed by anything from Amazon (accompanied by a gift receipt).
I guess it all could be much worse. | They could be warming up my hearse.
stoptothink
Posts: 8702
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:53 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by stoptothink »

Carguy85 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:14 am In years past of suggesting gifting to families/kids much worse off than us, 529 contributions, etc the ideas are shot down right away and I just end up being the “Scrooge” for trying to interject some rationality/practicality. Deeply ingrained tradition for most I suppose....already getting frustrated thinking about it!
I'm dreading that it is already that time of year when I play the "what do you want, but it has to be something totally frivolous that you would never buy for yourself" song-and-dance with my MIL, as they can barely pay their own bills and are constantly on the brink of having to move back in with us. What I really want for Christmas, is for them to not be financially dependent on us.
Old Guy
Posts: 461
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:20 am

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Old Guy »

Money. Lots of it since we don’t believe he should have to wait for our deaths.
Sidney
Posts: 6751
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2007 6:06 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Sidney »

Phone call.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator.
FireSekr
Posts: 1106
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:54 am

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by FireSekr »

My parents have given me cash every year for the past 10 years or so, along with some unexpected little trinket like a Christmas tree ornament.

I really appreciate the cash gift which is far more thoughtful than giving me some random junk that I don’t need or want in a style or color I don’t like, and I like the ornaments because they’re small and I look at them and remember the sentimental aspect of the gift.

Although I don’t need the cash, they don’t either, and they like to encourage me to do things I normally wouldn’t do. I usually use the money to take my family and friends on some type of small adventure or experience that I wouldn’t have done otherwise.
mak1277
Posts: 1732
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:26 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by mak1277 »

SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:10 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:44 am Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Books are fine provided you know what the receiver of the gift likes to read. What you love someone else might have no interest in. I used to get a Hardcover book every year from my MIL - they were all donated to the local library unread. I always felt horrible doing so but to dedicate many hours reading something I have no interest in wasn't worth absolving me of my guilt. Also felt bad about the many wool sweaters and wool scarves I received over the years - wool feels so itchy to me - also all donated. We used to do Barnes&Noble gift cards in stockings.

OP: We either go for current interests (e.g. if we notice they have taken a liking to fine wine we buy them a nice set of bottles) or simply ask if there is anything that they are interested in. Some years we do money - or we do a simple gift and money. If they are home-owners/renters on their own there are more possibilities (Tool sets, cookware, etc.).
Anyone who is too shy (or too "nice" or whatever) to tell someone they don't like a gift deserves to keep getting the same thing in my opinion. IMO, it's rude to allow someone to keep giving you something that you just give away.
bloom2708
Posts: 8364
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:08 pm
Location: Fargo, ND

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by bloom2708 »

Edible or drinkable and/or Cash money.

No easy answer. My parents won't stop giving presents of odd things.

At least with edible/drinkable the gift gets absorbed/used up.
"We are here to provoke thoughtfulness, not agree with you." Unknown Boglehead
User avatar
SmileyFace
Posts: 6249
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 10:11 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by SmileyFace »

mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:47 am
SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:10 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:44 am Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Books are fine provided you know what the receiver of the gift likes to read. What you love someone else might have no interest in. I used to get a Hardcover book every year from my MIL - they were all donated to the local library unread. I always felt horrible doing so but to dedicate many hours reading something I have no interest in wasn't worth absolving me of my guilt. Also felt bad about the many wool sweaters and wool scarves I received over the years - wool feels so itchy to me - also all donated. We used to do Barnes&Noble gift cards in stockings.

OP: We either go for current interests (e.g. if we notice they have taken a liking to fine wine we buy them a nice set of bottles) or simply ask if there is anything that they are interested in. Some years we do money - or we do a simple gift and money. If they are home-owners/renters on their own there are more possibilities (Tool sets, cookware, etc.).
Anyone who is too shy (or too "nice" or whatever) to tell someone they don't like a gift deserves to keep getting the same thing in my opinion. IMO, it's rude to allow someone to keep giving you something that you just give away.
Call me rude if you want I am thick skinned myself - but other's are not as much so - thus I never insult a gift.
Our opinions differ. In my opinion it would be somewhat "rude" to assume because I enjoyed a particular book someone else will enjoy the book equally. I look at what the OTHER person's interests are and buy based upon their interests, not my own.
J295
Posts: 2793
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:40 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by J295 »

One unique add on ....

Each adult child gets a stocking stuffer $25 betting ticket for a team or person they follow. For example, SIL college team to win NCAA, daughter favorite golfer to win Masters, etc.
wandering_aimlessly
Posts: 55
Joined: Mon May 15, 2017 2:36 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by wandering_aimlessly »

A piece of their inheritance (a check up to the gifting limit). And it comes with advice and recommendations on how to invest it (funny part is they actually seam to listen - or are just good actors). My kids are young adults so haven't had too many years yet of this but definitely prefer this money grows with them over the next few decades instead of getting hit with a lowered inheritance tax limit beyond 2025....
Workaholic
Posts: 317
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 6:55 am

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Workaholic »

Consumable items always seem to be popular along with :moneybag :moneybag . There is a little restaurant in New England that makes these amazing crab cakes and ships them NDA to anywhere in the US. I tend to also like a gift basket from Harry and David as well. I don't much care to receive "stuff" anymore but...we all have to eat!
Workaholic
Posts: 317
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 6:55 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Workaholic »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:37 am A turning point for me is when kids “no longer believe in Santa.” The smarter kids will game that, but eventually they can no longer pretend.

I am very generous with family and friends. I give gifts throughout the year, as something occurs to me. NO Christmas gifts.

I am surprised that this conversation is taking place on BH, which usually values rationality and value. What’s more irrational and less valuable than giving a probably useless gift because of the season?
You must be a joy to be around during the Christmas season...

Not every action has to be made with rationality in mind...sometimes the more irrational decisions tend to bring you more joy than carefully planning and executing a rational one. I've always enjoyed Christmas- from the music to the decorations to the gift giving on Christmas eve/Christmas morning. It brings me joy to give gifts to friends/coworkers/family that are useful (i.e. gift cards, cash, or things I *know* they want).
NotWhoYouThink
Posts: 3268
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 4:19 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by NotWhoYouThink »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:37 am A turning point for me is when kids “no longer believe in Santa.” The smarter kids will game that, but eventually they can no longer pretend.

I am very generous with family and friends. I give gifts throughout the year, as something occurs to me. NO Christmas gifts.

I am surprised that this conversation is taking place on BH, which usually values rationality and value. What’s more irrational and less valuable than giving a probably useless gift because of the season?
Bogleheads are a wonderfully diverse group of individuals, some of whom have giving or receiving gifts as one of their "love languages", as described by a popular book. And some want to feel the sense of belonging that comes with participating in a holiday tradition that (we are told) everyone around us is participating in. If it is important to our families to give or receive something at the end of the year we can participate without sacrificing our principles. And if it isn't, we can opt out.

Now one of my kids reminds me that "the reason for the season" is the tilt of the earth's rotational axis with respect to its orbital plane. That one didn't even pretend to believe in Santa very long, but turns out to be the most thoughtful gift giver in the family. He objects in principle to commercial greeting cards, and writes great letters.

I schedule financial gifts to the kids around Christmas because I am forgetful and that way I know when in the year to write the check. But certainly there is plenty of room to do more or less giving of stuff, on a schedule or not.
Onlineid3089
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Jan 02, 2020 3:47 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Onlineid3089 »

My dad gives us cash and my mom gives us gift cards to whatever grocery store chain is in currently local to us. Sometimes there might be a few other oddball items. Last year they also gave me a few 30 cal ammo cans which was awesome as they're what I prefer for my reloads.
mak1277
Posts: 1732
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:26 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by mak1277 »

SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:14 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:47 am
SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:10 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:44 am Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Books are fine provided you know what the receiver of the gift likes to read. What you love someone else might have no interest in. I used to get a Hardcover book every year from my MIL - they were all donated to the local library unread. I always felt horrible doing so but to dedicate many hours reading something I have no interest in wasn't worth absolving me of my guilt. Also felt bad about the many wool sweaters and wool scarves I received over the years - wool feels so itchy to me - also all donated. We used to do Barnes&Noble gift cards in stockings.

OP: We either go for current interests (e.g. if we notice they have taken a liking to fine wine we buy them a nice set of bottles) or simply ask if there is anything that they are interested in. Some years we do money - or we do a simple gift and money. If they are home-owners/renters on their own there are more possibilities (Tool sets, cookware, etc.).
Anyone who is too shy (or too "nice" or whatever) to tell someone they don't like a gift deserves to keep getting the same thing in my opinion. IMO, it's rude to allow someone to keep giving you something that you just give away.
Call me rude if you want I am thick skinned myself - but other's are not as much so - thus I never insult a gift.
Our opinions differ. In my opinion it would be somewhat "rude" to assume because I enjoyed a particular book someone else will enjoy the book equally. I look at what the OTHER person's interests are and buy based upon their interests, not my own.
I mean, I'm generalizing a bit. I'd never send someone a book I didn't think they would be interested in. If I read a book I know my dad will like, it goes to him. If a different book would appeal to my brother, same. Some books I do think have fairly universal appeal, but it's not like I'm blindly sending books out just because I liked them.
Nearly A Moose
Posts: 1168
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2016 5:28 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Nearly A Moose »

As an adult child with kids of my own and different permutations on the siblings with/without kids/spouses scenario:

(1) At my suggestion, we switched over to a secret santa game a few years back. Each person only shops for one other person, with a generous but not excessive price limit. It avoid the pressure of having to spend $XX dollars on each family member but also lets each person put thought or money (sometimes even both!) into buying a gift for a family member. It also cuts down on the number of crummy gifts that someone receives just because someone felt a need to buy a gift. It's really helped make Christmas less stressful and let us focus more on family time. (The grandkids/neices/nephews of course get spoiled.)

(2) Gift suggestions in general, in no particular order, based on the types of things my wife and I would potentially appreciate: gift cards (if you don't want to just give an Amazon card, you can spice it up by making it a gift card to something they'd like but maybe wouldn't necessarily shop at but might appreciate, such as an online art seller); clothing accessories (gloves, scarves, socks); gourmet versions of foods they like (coffee beans, hot chocolate, chocolates, etc.); books (and more books!); a subscription service to something they like (one of those monthly box services, perhaps); movies; household decor items (if you know their style and preferences).

Just my $0.02, and worth only that much.
Pardon typos, I'm probably using my fat thumbs on a tiny phone.
Dottie57
Posts: 9544
Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 5:43 pm
Location: Earth Northern Hemisphere

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Dottie57 »

mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:43 am
SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:14 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:47 am
SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:10 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:44 am Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Books are fine provided you know what the receiver of the gift likes to read. What you love someone else might have no interest in. I used to get a Hardcover book every year from my MIL - they were all donated to the local library unread. I always felt horrible doing so but to dedicate many hours reading something I have no interest in wasn't worth absolving me of my guilt. Also felt bad about the many wool sweaters and wool scarves I received over the years - wool feels so itchy to me - also all donated. We used to do Barnes&Noble gift cards in stockings.

OP: We either go for current interests (e.g. if we notice they have taken a liking to fine wine we buy them a nice set of bottles) or simply ask if there is anything that they are interested in. Some years we do money - or we do a simple gift and money. If they are home-owners/renters on their own there are more possibilities (Tool sets, cookware, etc.).
Anyone who is too shy (or too "nice" or whatever) to tell someone they don't like a gift deserves to keep getting the same thing in my opinion. IMO, it's rude to allow someone to keep giving you something that you just give away.
Call me rude if you want I am thick skinned myself - but other's are not as much so - thus I never insult a gift.
Our opinions differ. In my opinion it would be somewhat "rude" to assume because I enjoyed a particular book someone else will enjoy the book equally. I look at what the OTHER person's interests are and buy based upon their interests, not my own.
I mean, I'm generalizing a bit. I'd never send someone a book I didn't think they would be interested in. If I read a book I know my dad will like, it goes to him. If a different book would appeal to my brother, same. Some books I do think have fairly universal appeal, but it's not like I'm blindly sending books out just because I liked them.
I have given a few books. Mostly those that I really treasure - include a note about why I love the book and why Ithoughtthe recipient would enjoy it.
RevFran
Posts: 214
Joined: Sun Jul 07, 2019 4:48 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by RevFran »

A donation in their honor to a charity they love (not a charity you love).
User avatar
SmileyFace
Posts: 6249
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 10:11 am

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by SmileyFace »

mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:43 am
SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:14 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:47 am
SmileyFace wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:10 am
mak1277 wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:44 am Books books books. My specialty is gifting books that I bought for myself and loved and want someone else to read.

Edit to add: My spouse's family has done a re-gifts-mas in the past. Everyone draws a name and the gift has to be something you already owned. It was pretty fun trying to figure out what thing of yours someone else would like.
Books are fine provided you know what the receiver of the gift likes to read. What you love someone else might have no interest in. I used to get a Hardcover book every year from my MIL - they were all donated to the local library unread. I always felt horrible doing so but to dedicate many hours reading something I have no interest in wasn't worth absolving me of my guilt. Also felt bad about the many wool sweaters and wool scarves I received over the years - wool feels so itchy to me - also all donated. We used to do Barnes&Noble gift cards in stockings.

OP: We either go for current interests (e.g. if we notice they have taken a liking to fine wine we buy them a nice set of bottles) or simply ask if there is anything that they are interested in. Some years we do money - or we do a simple gift and money. If they are home-owners/renters on their own there are more possibilities (Tool sets, cookware, etc.).
Anyone who is too shy (or too "nice" or whatever) to tell someone they don't like a gift deserves to keep getting the same thing in my opinion. IMO, it's rude to allow someone to keep giving you something that you just give away.
Call me rude if you want I am thick skinned myself - but other's are not as much so - thus I never insult a gift.
Our opinions differ. In my opinion it would be somewhat "rude" to assume because I enjoyed a particular book someone else will enjoy the book equally. I look at what the OTHER person's interests are and buy based upon their interests, not my own.
I mean, I'm generalizing a bit. I'd never send someone a book I didn't think they would be interested in. If I read a book I know my dad will like, it goes to him. If a different book would appeal to my brother, same. Some books I do think have fairly universal appeal, but it's not like I'm blindly sending books out just because I liked them.
So sounds like we are in agreement. My MIL was a bit narcistic - I got self-help books and investment-scheme books she thought were awesome but were useless to me - she never listened to feedback on anything (was a talker/preacher not a listener). My Aunt noticed I read a lot of History so always hit home with some great selections. Once in a while I would receive a book that was a bit outside what I would read but that I found interesting and truly appreciated. But it's always best to lean into someone's interests. I have noted that my daughter's current adult-boyfriend does not read at all - would certainly not buy a book for him.
User avatar
TomatoTomahto
Posts: 11630
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 1:48 pm

Re: What do you giver your adult children at holiday time?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

Workaholic wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:37 am
TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:37 am A turning point for me is when kids “no longer believe in Santa.” The smarter kids will game that, but eventually they can no longer pretend.

I am very generous with family and friends. I give gifts throughout the year, as something occurs to me. NO Christmas gifts.

I am surprised that this conversation is taking place on BH, which usually values rationality and value. What’s more irrational and less valuable than giving a probably useless gift because of the season?
You must be a joy to be around during the Christmas season...

Not every action has to be made with rationality in mind...sometimes the more irrational decisions tend to bring you more joy than carefully planning and executing a rational one. I've always enjoyed Christmas- from the music to the decorations to the gift giving on Christmas eve/Christmas morning. It brings me joy to give gifts to friends/coworkers/family that are useful (i.e. gift cards, cash, or things I *know* they want).
I haven’t heard any complaints.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
Bobby206
Posts: 510
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2018 4:01 pm

Re: What do you give your adult children at holiday time?

Post by Bobby206 »

As an adult child I would MUCH rather receive nothing from my parents. However, ties, shirts, nightgowns, etc... NO NO NO! Don't get your kids stuff just for the sake of wrapping something up or just because of tradition. They are probably too nice to tell you they don't want that stuff. Take him to a nice dinner and call it good. Seriously people. Break the traditions and stop buying gifts just for the sake of buying gifts. Buy gifts for little kids only is my rule!
Post Reply