What to buy parents as a token of appreciation/retirement

[Carguy85]

So my siblings and I recently sold property that the parents sold to us basically at cost...we profited significantly off of it. In addition to that we have recently closed a chapter on the family business (all co owners) by selling it. Oldest sibling is set on buying a new car in the $35-40k range (new version of what dad had when they were 16) because it’s a “tangible” item. I’m suggesting vacations especially since they have recently downsized, have nowhere to store it, and could care less about cars other than from getting from point a to point b... both have new cars already. Some concern with covid and planning vacations. The older sibling thinks I’m being cheap by not wanting to buy a new car but I think it’s a horrible idea for something they really won’t ever drive and will sit outside 24/7. Younger sibling doesn’t really care either way. Any suggestions/experiences would be great.

[squirm]

A cousin bought a car for his mother as appreciation, it was a non event. For some people (me included) a car is just to get to point b from point a.
I'm for the vacation thing. We did that for mom, but that was before covid. Much more memorable and exciting. Just try and plan around the covid if possible.

[Bogle7]

If your parents are healthy enough to travel, then vacations (after it is safe).
$40K could buy three 3-week vacations in Europe.
A new car is just silly.

Studies have shown that experiences bring more happiness than goods.

[mancich]

In my opinion, a memorable vacation. Either just for the two of them, or a family vacation somewhere fancy.

[Carguy85]

Will add that parents are early 60s and healthy/no mobility issues..no real hobbies and have plenty to buy whatever/go/do whatever they want. Older sibling is a big spender... a $20k hit in depreciation on a vehicle in a year doesn’t bother him.

[Carguy85]

In my opinion, a memorable vacation. Either just for the two of them, or a family vacation somewhere fancy.

I am strongly for this but am getting nowhere.

Bogle7....I remember reading that somewhere about experiences vs things....sooner or later all we have are memories.

[jimmy2040]

some dads like exotic trips to Berlin.

[Mr.Chlorine]

If Carguy85 does not like the idea of gifting a vehicle, it is probably not a great idea!

Personally, $40k seems like a ridiculous sum of money for a vacation, but I am far from financially independent. Your family sounds like they are, so that is a very thoughtful gift to me. Another option that does not have a price tag is spending more time with your parents. If you/your siblings are not geographically close it can be difficult to visit frequently. Maybe your gift could be guaranteeing certain holidays are spent together.

[Carguy85]

I agree that $40k is a lot for a car and a tremendous amount on vacation! Wouldn’t think of spending more than $2k or so otherwise. We all live within 10 mi of each other and everyone sees everyone regularly

[tyrion]

All of the kids chipped in and we bought my Dad an electric bike when he retired. It was something he had been interested in, and could easily afford but was unwilling to pull the trigger on it for some reason. That was a few years ago. He still uses it, and my Mom will use it if they're both going biking so she can keep up.

He would not have wanted a car, even if we could afford it. Which we couldn't. And he traveled enough for work that a vacation wasn't really his thing.

So the e-bike was something tangible and something he would use.

[spammagnet]

How about a significant donation in their names to a charitable organization they would support? That assumes that big dollar donations don't conflict with their views.

[RudyS]

In my opinion, a memorable vacation. Either just for the two of them, or a family vacation somewhere fancy.

I am strongly for this but am getting nowhere.

Bogle7....I remember reading that somewhere about experiences vs things....sooner or later all we have are memories.

Old retired guy here with DW. Forget about what the kids want to give, think about what the parents would like to receive!

I would go for a major family vacation somewhere and sometime safe. Probably not a cruise though, and if possible driving distance.

I personally would not want this as a surprise gift of something I don't really want/need. Can they be asked?

[Watty]

Oldest sibling is set on buying a new car in the $35-40k range (new version of what dad had when they were 16) because it’s a “tangible” item.

It sounds like it would mainly be a gift for your dad so their could be some odd family dynamics with your mom so consider since your mom might feel left out.

Reading between the lines I would suspect that your parents are pretty well off and could easily buy that car if they wanted one. If this is some sort of sports car then it could be too powerful car for them to be driving. There are 80 year old who do drive sports cars but if they have not bought one for themselves then they may know that a sports car would not be right for them now. Even though it is a bit of a stereotype there is some truth to the saying about "driving like an old person".

When my mom was in her upper 70s we she was to the point where she should really have been giving up driving so they may be closer to that than you realize. By the time she was in her upper 60s we would not ride in a car if she was driving and we would not let her drive with the grandkids in her car.

When was the last time you or your siblings went out with your parents and had them drive for any distance?

Will add that parents are early 60s and healthy/no mobility issues..

I am about that age. One thing to consider is that they may be keeping the car for 10 to 15 years since they will not be putting a lot of miles on it.

When I am shopping for a car one of the first thing I do is evaluate if the car just feels right to me. I have eliminated a number of well rated well priced cars just because they don't feel right to me and sometimes there was not one specific reason. I have had rental cars that were fine but they did not feel right to me so I was very glad to drop them off. My wife is short, but not unusually so, and she has driven rental cars for a block then turned around to exchange it because it was just not going to work for her.

Trying to buy your parents a car will be especially difficult if either of them are even moderately short, tall, or large since the finding a comfortable one will be very difficult without them taking cars for test drives and picking out a car they would like.

I agree that with the pandemic now is not a good time to plan a vacation but especially if they have grand-kids a big family vacation when things are better would be a good choice.

With the pandemic cruise were terrible so I would take that idea off the table for at least the next five years.

[mhc]

You could rent a large house for a week and have a great family vacation where everyone hangs out together. I have done this twice with my in-laws, and it has always been fun. A beach or mountain house could be a lot of fun during the summer.

[T4REngineer]

My best guess given the limited context a thread can provide is that there is no need for either to occur and that this is being done more for the givers own peace of mind than any joy it will bring to the receivers. I think it would be enough to say how grateful the children are for the property and that you all would like to share some of the rewards with your parents and maybe provide some options for them - my guess is they turn you down but the offer will mean just as much as what ever gift you all had planned.

I did want to comment on a couple posts about experiences bringing more joy then things - I don't disagree but don't forget that things can bring experiences.

[Carguy85]

How about a significant donation in their names to a charitable organization they would support? That assumes that big dollar donations don't conflict with their views.

Interesting consideration. Will think about this some more... maybe in conjunction with a vacation.

Is there a way to package a vacation without dates but without losing its luster in the wake of our recent business deals? Timing is everything right? Although, I’d hate to buy a gift card of sorts and then the airline or resort goes under. Scheduling something where it works for everyone would take a bit anyhow. As easy and efficient as it would be, a cash gift would mean little if anything to them and it would likely not be spent on anything “fun”.

[Mr.Chlorine]

In my opinion, a memorable vacation. Either just for the two of them, or a family vacation somewhere fancy.

I am strongly for this but am getting nowhere.

Bogle7....I remember reading that somewhere about experiences vs things....sooner or later all we have are memories.

Old retired guy here with DW. Forget about what the kids want to give, think about what the parents would like to receive!

I would go for a major family vacation somewhere and sometime safe. Probably not a cruise though, and if possible driving distance.

I personally would not want this as a surprise gift of something I don't really want/need. Can they be asked?

This is a good point. I would ask my parents if unsure.

[David Jay]

You could rent a large house for a week and have a great family vacation where everyone hangs out together. I have done this twice with my in-laws, and it has always been fun. A beach or mountain house could be a lot of fun during the summer.

This! Build a memory.

[djpeteski]

I don't know your family, so apologize in advance. Your sibling could be doing this to effectively buy himself a car. He may very well know that your mom and dad will not use car X so he will graciously offer to drive it occasionally, which will turn it into every day. If that is the case you can never make a rational argument against it.

Instead of surprising them, let them choose from a menu of items. Come up with three or four options and present them to the parents. Then let them choose. Older sibling can make the case for the car.

I can almost assure you, that more than anything else, the would prefer to spend time with the kids/grand kids relaxing.

[8foot7]

I don't mean this to sound crass, but if my parents just sold their business and received what is coming across from your post like a large windfall, I wouldn't be buying them a car.

An amazing memory-making vacation would almost certainly be better. One of those once-in-a-lifetime things, like an extended African safari, or sailing up and down the intracoaster waterway, around the Caribbean, etc. You know, with a sailor and a cook and lots of wine.

Or rent a place in the Rockies and spend an extended Christmas vacation - like an indulgent four weeks, hire in the food, private skiing, etc.

[health teacher]

This! Build a memory.

I agree. My wife's parents are late 50's and I often think of the finite number of times they will actually be with all 3 of their kids at the same time throughout the rest of their lives. It's likely less than 100. It's pretty sobering.

Your family circumstances might be different, but I personally believe a vacation will be more memorable in the grand scheme of things.

Rent a really nice car for the vacation and if your dad likes it, he can buy it for himself when he gets back.

[MarkerFM]

I'm don't know if there are SO's involved, but I would charter a jet big enough to fit everyone comfortably and go to a resort for a long weekend or week. They are not as expensive right now and would be very memorable.

[Carguy85]

Ok so some good ideas. Pretty much everyone saying vacation/making memories...the oldest is still 100% dead set on a car. Given that he coordinated the sale of the property he seemingly feels he should dictate how we spend a portion of our money. (Siblings all equal owners) As Dave Ramsey says, a travel agent for guilt trips I suppose. Somewhat infuriating actually. My parents would no doubt be pretty disappointed in him for trying to do this. They have worked hard and are 100% set for life. We owe our success to them but I’m sure they would rather not see us out of some sort of sense of obligation make a poor financial decision on their behalf. Anyhow I think probably what’s best is for all of us to do our own thing and gift as best we see fit. I suppose I will forever be seen as a selfish cheapskate in his eyes. Needless to say I am eternally thankful there are no longer any business ties amongst family.

[tooluser]

As myself the youngest of three, I would say you should ask the youngest, one more time offline from others, what they are thinking. I doubt they truly have no opinion. They may just not want to get in the middle. Or they may truly have no preference or good ideas, but will want to weigh in on the final few choices. But you know who they are.

When my parents were in their early 60s and retired, the family had bantered around the idea of a family get-together in some vacation place. It never happened, but probably would have been a lot of fun. They already had a nice car.

[tetractys]

Family gathering with photos.

[123]

Do the parents have grandchildren yet?

[Sandtrap]

Take parents out to their favorite restaurant or have a nice family dinner with them. Present them with a nice framed old family photo of when The family and kids were young. Make it like a birthday or anniversary for them. Socks and a funny t shirt for dad and a sweater and something for mom.

Odds are parents don’t measure appreciation by dollar valuations but assurances that there children understand that what is most important in life cannot be bought compared to time spent together.

Splurging on a car or vacation is not it.

Show your parents that you are as careful with hard earned money as they are. They do know who saves and who splurges. They are always watching, their children, and their legacy.

j

[Carguy85]

Yes they have grandkids...to put it tackfully we are raising our kids differently from our nieces/nefews so my wife and I have reservation on vacationing as an entire family.

[BL]

The "do your own thing" sounds reasonable.

A family gathering with catered food in a safe place, or even at home, sounds fine. Love the ideas of old family photos framed.

We had a gathering where we stayed at condos at a resort by a lake for a few days. There was both privacy and family gathering, but everyone chose their own thing. In our case, sons and daughters shopped and cooked, but bringing in food would work as well. There were some organized water and hiking activities for anyone interested. This was before the Covid-19, but would probably work in some areas even now.

[superinvestor]

Any gift that imposes cost on the receiver is a burden. Maintenance, insurance, tabs, parking space, etc. A vacation during a pandemic?

I would just give cash, or, make a donation in the parent's name. Or set up a DAF.

[fourwheelcycle]

I agree on vacation over car based on your description of your parent's car situation and interest. Having said that, when I retired at 60 in 2008 I bought myself a BMW 135i as a retirement present. I loved it, but it was too low for my wife and she rarely rode in it. Now I have an X2 M Sport and she loves it. It is a great sporty and compact but higher-seating car for retirement.

You said your parents are healthy and mobile. Bicycle riding is a healthy, low physical impact hobby (unless you fall!). If they live in an area where they can ride from home, on safe, quiet routes, I think a set of nice street/bike path bikes could be a great intro to a new hobby. The Specialized Sirrus X 5.0 has a single shift lever, with only one front sprocket, so it is very easy to manage for new riders. It has larger, more stable tires than the narrow tires on a traditional road bike. Also, if your parents get into bike riding it opens up a whole new world of bicycle vacations, like the ones offered in the US, Europe, and all over the world by VBT. We love them, although we had to cancel our trip to Spain this year. We are hoping there will be a vaccine before next fall.

Of course, bikes are out if your parents wouldn't go for them.

[dpa789kd]

I did something similar a few years ago. My dad had an old 75 muscle car before I was born. Over the years and with kids to raise it sat in the shop and rusted into disrepair. About 5 years ago I started looking into restoring it and it wasn't really doable. So after about a year of searching I found one identical to his (only something like 3,000 made that year and his color was very unique). I was really excited to surprise him, and we had a good trip going to pick it up. He drove it a few times and we entered it in a couple local parades. But the new wore off really quick. We both realized that while it was a good idea in theory and brought back a lot of great memories of hauling us kids around in it, it just wasn't as fun as hopping in a newer car with great handling and honestly more power than the old muscle cars had. We ended up selling it after about 2 years because it just sat in the garage. So I'd make sure he'd really love having it before you buy one.

On the other side, my in laws did a lot of road trips to national parks with my wife growing up. We surprised them with a trip to Europe as a way to say thank you for being great parents. Her dad nearly teared up when we were sitting in Germany on a balcony talking about how as a kid out on the farm he would see the planes flying and never dreamed someday he'd be on one going to another country. It's a moment I don't think any of us will ever forget. So my vote would be spring for the vacation!

[Carguy85]

We are thinking of a nice vacation where they have been many times and enjoy but with a large suite/vip treatment (something they wouldn’t spend on themselves) and home to airport service etc. . Also possibly a DAF...didn’t realize something like this existed...are there tax implications on say $10k if we put that in an account under their name? Unfortunately I think we will have to each do our own thing... maybe siblings would contribute to a DAF...maybe not.

[Carguy85]

4wheelcycle...certainly sounds like a good idea...I really think the bikes would probably sit unused. Can’t ever remember a time I saw my parents ride bikes.

[Mr.Chlorine]

Any interest in setting up college funds for each grandchild? Instead of giving your parents an actual gift, give the kids a gift in their grandparents' name. Furthers their legacy by passing it down another generation.

[MarkBarb]

I'm not too far from your parent's age. If it were me, what I would want the most would be a vacation that included everyone getting together someplace and enjoying time together. But we're all different. I know people that hate to travel, hate to be around their kids too much, and would love a car. What would your parents really want? What would they do with the money if you gave them the money?

[tibbitts]

So my siblings and I recently sold property that the parents sold to us basically at cost...we profited significantly off of it. In addition to that we have recently closed a chapter on the family business (all co owners) by selling it. Oldest sibling is set on buying a new car in the $35-40k range (new version of what dad had when they were 16) because it’s a “tangible” item. I’m suggesting vacations especially since they have recently downsized, have nowhere to store it, and could care less about cars other than from getting from point a to point b... both have new cars already. Some concern with covid and planning vacations. The older sibling thinks I’m being cheap by not wanting to buy a new car but I think it’s a horrible idea for something they really won’t ever drive and will sit outside 24/7. Younger sibling doesn’t really care either way. Any suggestions/experiences would be great.

Normally I would say a vacation, but they might both die before Covid-19 does, so that's not an option, unless maybe you're packing them into a sanitized RV and sending them to the middle of nowhere. Car is a horrible idea since they have new cars they apparently chose for themselves, and worse yet because it would sit outside. I'm assuming you can't visit them in-person since everybody is isolating. Honestly I see no good "traditional" options at this time unless there is something they would enjoy for their home.

[Mapmaker]

If I ever hit the lottery, this is where I hope to take the whole family, including the dogs.
https://www.pawsup.com/

[MathWizard]

A dad here in his early 60's.

I was asked what I wanted for Father's day, and it was a 2 hour Zoom calls
with my kids.

My kids don't need to buy me things, I can easily buy them myself if I want them.
Both my wife and I have the nicest and newest cars we have ever owned. I bought what I wanted, how would my kids know better.

A new version of what I drove when dating my wife would be a sportscar, but now
we are going for comfort. One's tastes are different at 60 than at 20.

The best gift I could have would be the knowledge that my kids are capable and are having a good life that they enjoy. I believe that I already have that gift. (2nd would be grandkids, we don't have any yet.)

I've always thought older than my age, maybe because my family history does not predict a long life, but once the basis are covered, people are so much more important than things.

I do have one suggestion, that made my mother happy:
A family portrait.
We never had one, and I set up a sitting for my mother's 70th birthday.
A brother died 3 years later, so if we had waited, we would never had had that picture.
It was so well received, that my wife set up one for her family on her parent's 50th anniversary.

[Watty]

One more thought on the vacation idea. If it is international then everyone would need to have passports. I am not sure where it is at now but with the pandemic the passport offices were closed and only processing emergency passport applications. When they open back up there will be a huge backlog so it will likely take a long time to get passports. For many countries you also need to have six months left on your passport beyond your expected return date. If anyone is involved with an adoption, divorce, step kids, etc then international travel can be a lot more complicated too.

Anyway for an international trip not only would you need to wait for travel to safely open up but you would also need to allow a lot of time for everyone to get their passports.

People and spouses may also have difficulty in scheduling vacation time at the same time and that could leave hard feelings if someone cannot go.

I think that having something within driving distance of where most of the family lives is likely the best option. That way if someone cannot get time off work they could at least come up for the weekend.

[Bortky]

I'll echo what some others have said - do something with them. It doesn't need to be large, but maybe a week vacation. This may mean more to them that any expensive VIP treatment or item. Make it easy on them and make them not have to do any planning. All they need to do is show up and make memories.

Or rent a condo somewhere for 2 weeks. One side of the family shows up 1 week and the other the next. The only overlap needs to be a short weekend.

[fourwheelcycle]

4wheelcycle...certainly sounds like a good idea...I really think the bikes would probably sit unused. Can’t ever remember a time I saw my parents ride bikes.

I understand. When we tell people how much we enjoy our bikes and our VBT vacations some of them say it sounds great and tell us about their own bikes and bike vacations - others just stare at us blankly!

[tomd37]

CarGuy85,
As a retired couple in our mid 80's my response is give them something they will remember and cherish forever. Something with all the generations involved and that cannot be replaced as your parents age. Unfortunately we were not blessed with grandchildren and one of our two children has already passed, but our memories of them will always be in our minds. That's something that is never lost from one's mind.

Read my response as a suggestion for a whole family event that will live forever in their hearts and minds.

[Panky]

In my opinion, a memorable vacation. Either just for the two of them, or a family vacation somewhere fancy.

I am strongly for this but am getting nowhere.

Bogle7....I remember reading that somewhere about experiences vs things....sooner or later all we have are memories.

Old retired guy here with DW. Forget about what the kids want to give, think about what the parents would like to receive!

I would go for a major family vacation somewhere and sometime safe. Probably not a cruise though, and if possible driving distance.

I personally would not want this as a surprise gift of something I don't really want/need. Can they be asked?

A River Cruise may be a good option actually.
These much smaller boats only have around ~50 rooms, so in theory have significantly less risk, and also better access to healthcare if needed (go a 100 meters to shore vs 100 miles or more for ocean cruises).

My immediate family went on one with a set of aunt/uncle/cousins and it was an extremely memorable trip, and now reminisced about at almost every gathering with them (weddings, etc).

Viking Cruises is the line we went with but there are many others out there.

[BL]

One more thought on the vacation idea. If it is international then everyone would need to have passports. I am not sure where it is at now but with the pandemic the passport offices were closed and only processing emergency passport applications. When they open back up there will be a huge backlog so it will likely take a long time to get passports. For many countries you also need to have six months left on your passport beyond your expected return date. If anyone is involved with an adoption, divorce, step kids, etc then international travel can be a lot more complicated too.

Anyway for an international trip not only would you need to wait for travel to safely open up but you would also need to allow a lot of time for everyone to get their passports.

People and spouses may also have difficulty in scheduling vacation time at the same time and that could leave hard feelings if someone cannot go.

I think that having something within driving distance of where most of the family lives is likely the best option. That way if someone cannot get time off work they could at least come up for the weekend.

Agree that passports can be a problem. I have been waiting since they received my renewal application on Feb. 29th.

[sk2101]

A family vacation where they get to spend time with all the kids and grandkids (if any)

[birnhamwood]

It sounds like your parents have everything they want and need so perhaps you should find some other way to show your appreciation to them.

[Wricha]

It seems to me both you and your brother are invested in your respective positions at the detriment of your parents happiness. So this dream vacation you are planning will include your wife who thinks your brother’s kids are in need of a military school? Did anyone mention the COVID-19 virus is still around. The vacation and car are equally bad ideas. I am of your parents age and would be very disappointed if my kids wasting money on things that I could buy for myself. I would be much happier with a good dinner with a minor celebration.

[Miriam2]

You could rent a large house for a week and have a great family vacation where everyone hangs out together. I have done this twice with my in-laws, and it has always been fun. A beach or mountain house could be a lot of fun during the summer.

. . . . Read my response as a suggestion for a whole family event that will live forever in their hearts and minds.

I think this is the best idea by far - as others have said. Something for each generation, family coming and going at their own pace, cooking big time and ordering out big time, home movies at night with kids and popcorn, hikes and swimming and fun games, playing cards and teaching the kids checkers and chess, and so on

And then to make the week last for lifetimes, lots of photos and videos made into photo books and video montages, sent to the entire family and perhaps even posted onto a family Shutterfly website. (easy to dream, difficult to finish

[tibbitts]

I don't understand all the talk about travel or events with family unless it's after there's an extremely successful Covid-19 vaccine released.