How much do you plan to spend on your children's weddings?

flyingaway · Post by **flyingaway** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:02 am

I have two sons who do not have serious girlfriends at this time. But I want to set aside some money for their eventual weddings before I retire. I am interested in knowing how much do you plan to spend (did you spend) on your children's weddings? And how do you invest the money?

Some background information: we are an upper middle class family in a low cost living area. Both my sons are now working in other states (high cost living areas), one just started working three months ago. But they have very good jobs with good salaries. I am planning to set aside $20K for each of them and put the money in a money market fund.

oldfatguy · Post by **oldfatguy** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:04 am

I plan on spending $0 for a wedding.

stan1 · Post by **stan1** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:07 am

I'd think of it as a wedding gift and let them spend it how they want. One son might want a $100K wedding and the other might want to get married at the courthouse.

RickBoglehead · Post by **RickBoglehead** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:09 am

Given that you've decided what to do, why does it matter what anyone else's opinion is?

Oldest son got married, they asked for nothing, said they had it taken care of. It was a small wedding, 30 people total. Cost was maybe $5,000 (we didn't see any bills, just heard discussion). We gave them $2,000 towards the wedding, then $1,000 more as a gift. Figure we paid for 1/2 or more.

We also paid for $120,000 for his college, and he is very thankful for that.

$20,000 is very generous IMO, not that you should care what I think. Many threads on weddings, including the absurd expense of some.

Edit - if my son wanted a $100,000 wedding, or even a $50,000 wedding, I'd get him DNA tested.

TLC1957 · Post by **TLC1957** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:13 am

2 daughters, one got married in 2018, we gave her $25K, total cost of the wedding was about $30K, wedding was in Philadelphia. They knew how much they are getting and can use it as they see fit ie down payment on a house or a wedding. We are retired and the amount was figured into our retirement planning.

stoptothink · Post by **stoptothink** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:24 am

We have a standard amount in our family, on both my and my wife's side, that everybody (11 total kids) has received and I think we'll stick to it with our kids: $0.

HomeStretch · Post by **HomeStretch** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:28 am

My expectation is that similar to how we handled our wedding, kids will have good jobs and pay for their own weddings. We will offer to pay for all family members. We will make a generous gift for the couple to use as they wish. ETA: we will also host and pay for a Traditional rehearsal dinner if the kids want one.

We paid full cost of college and first cars. We plan to gift generously while alive - grad school, gift after house closing, grandkids (if blessed) education, family vacations, etc.

Gill · Post by **Gill** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:29 am

Agree with earlier comments about a fixed amount. We gave our daughter $20,000 with the understanding it was a combined wedding gift and contribution to the wedding expenses. They planned the wedding themselves and all worked out well
Gill

flyingaway · Post by **flyingaway** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:30 am

RickBoglehead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:09 am Given that you've decided what to do, why does it matter what anyone else's opinion is?

I said that I am planning to do that, which requires me to work at least for another year. I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding. My wife and I did not have a formal wedding and we did not inform our parents before we got married, that was more than 30 years ago.

KlangFool · Post by **KlangFool** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:31 am

oldfatguy wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:04 am I plan on spending $0 for a wedding.

+1,000.

KlangFool

MotoTrojan · Post by **MotoTrojan** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:32 am

Tradition usually has the woman’s parents pay but $20K as a wedding gift sounds very generous; if you can handle it, go for it! If I were your son it would go towards my honeymoon and the rest into VTI.

KlangFool · Post by **KlangFool** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:35 am

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:30 am
RickBoglehead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:09 am Given that you've decided what to do, why does it matter what anyone else's opinion is?
I said that I am planning to do that, which requires me to work at least for another year. I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding. My wife and I did not have a formal wedding, that was more than 30 years ago.

flyingaway,

Did you help pay for a safer car for your sons? That would seem to be more immediate need than wedding funding.

<<I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding.>>

Why would that matters? A person could spend as much as they want for a wedding and go into serious debt.

KlangFool

frugaltigris · Post by **frugaltigris** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:40 am

My child is more frugal than I am. He despises spending money on useless things. I think he'll have a really simple wedding and I'll contribute what I think is really necessary.

Dumello · Post by **Dumello** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:42 am

I have been thinking about the same. I have adult daughters, one that just got engaged. They live in HCOL and we live in MCOL. We have said that we will give them $50k to do as they wish, no strings....elope and use the balance for a home down-payment or savings....or blow that dough on the wedding. Our research shows a huge range of "average" wedding costs and most don't detail what's included in the average. Some include honeymoon and rings, some don't, most don't say.

We figured that they could easily spend more than $50k if they didn't reign in expectations, but they could easily go less than $50k with some planning, so it seemed like a reasonable number. The good news is that they are trying to figure out how optimize spending and have a nice wedding, but trying to save as much as possible. We kind of knew that going in given their propensity to save.

Curious to see what others have spent or plan to spend. It seems like many of the web searches produce industry-related articles where they are trying to get you to spend more on more, not less on less. We had always planned on a $40k budget, but an extra $10k wasn't going to make a material difference to us and if it gets them off to a good start, fantastic.

smitcat · Post by **smitcat** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:42 am

TLC1957 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:13 am 2 daughters, one got married in 2018, we gave her $25K, total cost of the wedding was about $30K, wedding was in Philadelphia. They knew how much they are getting and can use it as they see fit ie down payment on a house or a wedding. We are retired and the amount was figured into our retirement planning.

Seems about the right ballpark for us as well. Time will tell....

Atilla · Post by **Atilla** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:54 am

Right now the plan is to throw $10,000 at him and he can spend it on whatever he wants - wedding, house down payment, whatever.

runner3081 · Post by **runner3081** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:55 am

Wedding = $0.

A couple grand on a honeymoon? Sure.

flyingaway · Post by **flyingaway** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:58 am

KlangFool wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:35 am
flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:30 am
RickBoglehead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:09 am Given that you've decided what to do, why does it matter what anyone else's opinion is?
I said that I am planning to do that, which requires me to work at least for another year. I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding. My wife and I did not have a formal wedding, that was more than 30 years ago.
flyingaway,

Did you help pay for a safer car for your sons? That would seem to be more immediate need than wedding funding.

<<I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding.>>

Why would that matters? A person could spend as much as they want for a wedding and go into serious debt.

KlangFool

It matters because there will be two persons (and two families) involved. Nobody will go into debt.

As for the cars, yes, the offer was on the table, but was not taken. My elder son lives in downtown San Francisco and does not want a car. My younger son just started his job and can ride bus to work or share ride with his roommate.

Goal33 · Post by **Goal33** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:00 am

I don’t have kids yet. Probably 10-20k each in today’s dollars.

TLC1957 · Post by **TLC1957** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:01 am

How big your wedding will be ie the number of guests to attend is something to consider. We come from a large family and can easily get to 250 with just cousins, aunts and uncles. My daughter limited it to just friends, aunts and uncles and it was about 125 at the wedding. We paid for our kids education and give them a very nice Christmas present every year. My feeling is they are young 32 and can use the money now. Why wait until we die to give them a $$ ??

KlangFool · Post by **KlangFool** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:02 am

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:58 am
KlangFool wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:35 am
flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:30 am
RickBoglehead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:09 am Given that you've decided what to do, why does it matter what anyone else's opinion is?
I said that I am planning to do that, which requires me to work at least for another year. I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding. My wife and I did not have a formal wedding, that was more than 30 years ago.
flyingaway,

Did you help pay for a safer car for your sons? That would seem to be more immediate need than wedding funding.

<<I have no idea how much it is a going cost for a wedding.>>

Why would that matters? A person could spend as much as they want for a wedding and go into serious debt.

KlangFool
It matters because there will be two persons (and two families) involved. Nobody will go into debt.

flyingaway,

Not in my culture. The kids could spend their own money on such a useless affair.

KlangFool

tealeaves · Post by **tealeaves** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:04 am

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:02 am I have two sons who do not have serious girlfriends at this time. But I want to set aside some money for their eventual weddings before I retire. I am interested in knowing how much do you plan to spend (did you spend) on your children's weddings? And how do you invest the money?

Some background information: we are an upper middle class family in a low cost living area. Both my sons are now working in other states (high cost living areas), one just started working three months ago. But they have very good jobs with good salaries. I am planning to set aside $20K for each of them and put the money in a money market fund.

Proportional to how much control we want to have in various aspects of the wedding (type of ceremony, whom to invite, etc.) If our desire is to have significant influence in those types of things I assume it's only fair that we pay for that privilege. Conversely, if the feedback we get is to butt out and to understand that it is not our wedding to plan (a perfectly fair position) our intent is to scale back our contribution to a wedding gift in the $5K range.

J295 · Post by **J295** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:05 am

Happily spent around $25,000 for each of our weddings for our daughters. Grooms parents contributed modest amounts, which was fine because they each had unique circumstances which limited their ability to contribute resources.

If resources had been an issue for us, we would have considered approaching everything differently.

Like nearly everything, this is not one-size-fits-all.

[Comment removed by Moderator Misenplace]

MrBobcat · Post by **MrBobcat** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:19 am

Our daughter is getting married next summer. Grooms parents are kicking in $5,000 and we're covering the hall, meal and bar directly which will be about $5,000ish.

theplayer11 · Post by **theplayer11** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:27 am

Hopefully I have raised my kids well enough whereby they wouldn't want to waste a lot of money or their parents money on their weddings. There are many ways to have great weddings without spending ridiculous amounts of money.

flyingaway · Post by **flyingaway** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:29 am

KlangFool wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:02 am flyingaway,

Not in my culture. The kids could spend their own money on such a useless affair.

KlangFool

As I said before, my wife and I never had a formal wedding. I hate attending anyone's wedding. But if my children and their future spouses have different views, I need to be prepared.

flyingaway · Post by **flyingaway** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:31 am

theplayer11 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:27 am Hopefully I have raised my kids well enough whereby they wouldn't want to waste a lot of money or their parents money on their weddings. There are many ways to have great weddings without spending ridiculous amounts of money.

I am curious to know how much is ridiculous amount of money on a wedding, in your opinion.

Ybsybs · Post by **Ybsybs** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:32 am

I'd like to offer an inflation adjusted amount similar to what my parents paid for my wedding.

I don't have a separate savings fund for wedding stuff. My kids are 0 and 2 years old.

If my kids were near the age of the OP's kids and not engaged, I think I'd much rather have the money in CDs or a bond fund rather than a money market account.

Jack FFR1846 · Post by **Jack FFR1846** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:32 am

J295 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:05 am Sidebar: Klang .... Calling a wedding celebration “useless” (which is sacred tradition and a sacrament in some cultures) seems like trolling and is unkind.

I was married in a Catholic church. The donation (there was no fee) we gave was $100. The lavish reception, Rolls Royce limosine, open bar, big dinner and live band are not part of the marriage sacrament.

Looking back on our own wedding (which we paid for), we certainly could have done without it. We held a 150 person party. Planning with my in laws was brutal, with them insisting on a list of people who must be invited. We went through it and found a dozen people on the list who in fact were dead. My sister in law spent probably 5 times what we did. Her marriage lasted 1 month.

For my sons, plan is $0

fareastwarriors · Post by **fareastwarriors** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:33 am

I don't have kid(s) yet but I know I will give 0.

Morik · Post by **Morik** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:38 am

I think the amount to spend on a wedding can vary widely. Some people really enjoy having a big fancy event that they can reminisce about for the rest of their lives. Other people don't care so much. I think it really comes down to the personality of the people involved--how important 'ceremony' in general is to them, etc.

Some people will think its ridiculous to spend $50k on a wedding, while others may find that this is perfectly reasonable for an event they can think back on for the rest of their lives.
(This is disregarding celebrity/high society/etc.)

My wife & I aren't really much for ceremony. My family isn't too big on ceremony either, though I don't know how her family feels.
We ended up paying for our own wedding: we each brought immediate family on a 7 day cruise, and had a ceremony on the ship with the ship's captain presiding. We paid for airfare & the cruise for everyone involved, and the total cost was around $15k for 12 people (including us) in 6 rooms on the cruise.

There isn't, IMO, a wrong way to do it, so long as the bride & groom are happy, you aren't spending more than you can afford to spend, and you aren't blowing money on stuff that doesn't improve the experience.

theplayer11 · Post by **theplayer11** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:41 am

Morik wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:38 am I think the amount to spend on a wedding can vary widely. Some people really enjoy having a big fancy event that they can reminisce about for the rest of their lives. Other people don't care so much. I think it really comes down to the personality of the people involved--how important 'ceremony' in general is to them, etc.

Some people will think its ridiculous to spend $50k on a wedding, while others may find that this is perfectly reasonable for an event they can think back on for the rest of their lives.
(This is disregarding celebrity/high society/etc.)

My wife & I aren't really much for ceremony. My family isn't too big on ceremony either, though I don't know how her family feels.
We ended up paying for our own wedding: we each brought immediate family on a 7 day cruise, and had a ceremony on the ship with the ship's captain presiding. We paid for airfare & the cruise for everyone involved, and the total cost was around $15k for 12 people (including us) in 6 rooms on the cruise.

There isn't, IMO, a wrong way to do it, so long as the bride & groom are happy, you aren't spending more than you can afford to spend, and you aren't blowing money on stuff that doesn't improve the experience.

you don't need to spend tons of cash to have a memorable wedding

KlangFool · Post by **KlangFool** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:42 am

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:29 am
KlangFool wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:02 am flyingaway,

Not in my culture. The kids could spend their own money on such a useless affair.

KlangFool
As I said before, my wife and I never had a formal wedding. I hate attending anyone's wedding. But if my children and their future spouses have different views, I need to be prepared.

flyingaway,

The interesting part of your post is you think about the wedding funding versus

A) Help fund the kid's Roth IRAs.

B) Help pay the house's down payment.

C) Save money for your grandkid's college education.

To each its own. My point is for some other culture/family, (A) to (C) will come first before wedding funding.

KlangFool

smitcat · Post by **smitcat** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:45 am

KlangFool wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:42 am
flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:29 am
KlangFool wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:02 am flyingaway,

Not in my culture. The kids could spend their own money on such a useless affair.

KlangFool
As I said before, my wife and I never had a formal wedding. I hate attending anyone's wedding. But if my children and their future spouses have different views, I need to be prepared.

flyingaway,

The interesting part of your post is you think about the wedding funding versus

A) Help fund the kid's Roth IRAs.

B) Help pay the house's down payment.

C) Save money for your grandkid's college education.

To each its own. My point is for some other culture/family, (A) to (C) will come first before wedding funding.

KlangFool

"My point is for some other culture/family, (A) to (C) will come first before wedding funding."
A to C is covered, as well as paying for college for the kid(s) - then we fund the wedding as well.
To each his/her own.

HEDGEFUNDIE · Post by **HEDGEFUNDIE** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:51 am

The largest driver of wedding costs is the length of the guest list. And often it is the parents forcing the couple to invite this aunt or that cousin or this family friend.

HomerJ · Post by **HomerJ** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:53 am

Morik wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:38 amThere isn't, IMO, a wrong way to do it, so long as the bride & groom are happy, you aren't spending more than you can afford to spend, and you aren't blowing money on stuff that doesn't improve the experience.

This is a good post.

Most important is for people to be aware of the bolded part, in ALL spending decisions.

There are diminishing returns in all things.

Silly to waste money for little gain.

randomguy · Post by **randomguy** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:01 am

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:31 am
theplayer11 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:27 am Hopefully I have raised my kids well enough whereby they wouldn't want to waste a lot of money or their parents money on their weddings. There are many ways to have great weddings without spending ridiculous amounts of money.
I am curious to know how much is ridiculous amount of money on a wedding, in your opinion.

More than I spend is ridiculous. Less than I spent is cheap:)

On pretty much every spending topic on bogleheads, you will have a group of people who will say spend 0 dollars cause this is some luxury purchase that doesn't matter and an other group saying spend on how much value it adds to your life. Figure out who you are. Same thing with every other gifting opportunity like college, first cars, house down payments, ......

RickBoglehead · Post by **RickBoglehead** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:03 am

Jack FFR1846 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:32 am
J295 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:05 am Sidebar: Klang .... Calling a wedding celebration “useless” (which is sacred tradition and a sacrament in some cultures) seems like trolling and is unkind.
I was married in a Catholic church. The donation (there was no fee) we gave was $100. The lavish reception, Rolls Royce limosine, open bar, big dinner and live band are not part of the marriage sacrament.

Looking back on our own wedding (which we paid for), we certainly could have done without it. We held a 150 person party. Planning with my in laws was brutal, with them insisting on a list of people who must be invited. We went through it and found a dozen people on the list who in fact were dead. My sister in law spent probably 5 times what we did. Her marriage lasted 1 month.

For my sons, plan is $0

And your point?

I have a relative that basks in the view that others have of them. We were commanded (yes) to attend the 80th birthday party, thrown by this individual, and paid for by them. I know the cost - between $5 and $10,000. It was absurd, all done because "this is what you do". And held at "the club", which we also find unappealing.

To each their own, but people that spend 6 figures on a wedding don't share the same value system that we have, regardless of their wealth.

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:31 am
theplayer11 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:27 am Hopefully I have raised my kids well enough whereby they wouldn't want to waste a lot of money or their parents money on their weddings. There are many ways to have great weddings without spending ridiculous amounts of money.
I am curious to know how much is ridiculous amount of money on a wedding, in your opinion.

IMO, which of course should be noted by everyone, people who spend 6 figures on a wedding need to have their head examined, you're in "decadent" territory. I'll take it further - people who invite more than 100 people, and who spend more than $50 per plate.

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:29 am As I said before, my wife and I never had a formal wedding. I hate attending anyone's wedding. But if my children and their future spouses have different views, I need to be prepared.

Why? Why is it on you to be prepared for someone else's desires, especially if they are ridiculous, in your mind?

MasCowbell · Post by **MasCowbell** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:10 am

RickBoglehead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:03 am
Jack FFR1846 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:32 am
J295 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:05 am Sidebar: Klang .... Calling a wedding celebration “useless” (which is sacred tradition and a sacrament in some cultures) seems like trolling and is unkind.
I was married in a Catholic church. The donation (there was no fee) we gave was $100. The lavish reception, Rolls Royce limosine, open bar, big dinner and live band are not part of the marriage sacrament.

Looking back on our own wedding (which we paid for), we certainly could have done without it. We held a 150 person party. Planning with my in laws was brutal, with them insisting on a list of people who must be invited. We went through it and found a dozen people on the list who in fact were dead. My sister in law spent probably 5 times what we did. Her marriage lasted 1 month.

For my sons, plan is $0
And your point?

I have a relative that basks in the view that others have of them. We are commanded (yes) to attend the 80th birthday party, thrown by this individual, and paid for by them. I know the cost - between $5 and $10,000. It was absurd, all done because "this is what you do". And held at "the club", which we also find unappealing.

To each their own, but people that spend 6 figures on a wedding don't share the same value system that we have, regardless of their wealth.

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:31 am
theplayer11 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:27 am Hopefully I have raised my kids well enough whereby they wouldn't want to waste a lot of money or their parents money on their weddings. There are many ways to have great weddings without spending ridiculous amounts of money.
I am curious to know how much is ridiculous amount of money on a wedding, in your opinion.
IMO, which of course should be noted by everyone, people who spend 6 figures on a wedding need to have their head examined, you're in "decadent" territory. I'll take it further - people who invite more than 100 people, and who spend more than $50 per plate.

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 10:29 am As I said before, my wife and I never had a formal wedding. I hate attending anyone's wedding. But if my children and their future spouses have different views, I need to be prepared.
Why? Why is it on you to be prepared for someone else's desires, especially if they are ridiculous, in your mind?

There are Asian cultures where it is expected that you throw a wedding celebration for the entire community. On a PPP absis these events would probably cost six-figures. These are the same Asian cultures that are lauded for sacrifice, high savings rates, diligent work, and emphasis on education.

chrisam314 · Post by **chrisam314** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:16 am

I think you have a good plan and it sounds very reasonable for a family in your situation. Basically treat it as a gift, never know where life is going to take your kids. It sounds like they both have good heads on their shoulders.

My wife and I got married recently. We both would have preferred to elope, but both of our families really wanted a wedding. They both helped out. My wife's family covered the wedding (along with us, maybe 70/30 split), and mine covered the rehearsal dinner and then some with cash gifts. We covered things like hotel rooms for younger family members in college, etc. It was a nice weekend. No one went into any debt or spent an ungodly amount.

I have a huge extended family. Every person came except for 1 (elderly and sick). Many hadn't seen each-other in years and likely won't see each-other until the next wedding or funeral. However, some have really reconnected and its been pretty cool to watch via social media. Sometimes there are things you can't quantify on an internet forum.

We will offer similar support for our kids. If they don't want a wedding, then it will be a gift for honeymoon/downpayment/etc. When the time comes I will hopefully have the money to just throw in a high yield CD for a few years. I don't plan on investing separately for it, just a part of overall assets.

Try to take a lot of the responses to this with a grain of salt. Some people on here get very judgy if you spend money that is not in exact accordance with whatever their chosen lifestyle is. As long as your live below your means, do what makes you and your family happy. Until science proves otherwise, you only live once.

Thegame14 · Post by **Thegame14** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:22 am

when I got engaged, my parents said we are giving you $10,000 as a gift towards the wedding. We plan on something similar, depending on how much we can afford at that time and depending on how many more kids we have.

flyingaway · Post by **flyingaway** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:32 am

RickBoglehead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:03 am
Why? Why is it on you to be prepared for someone else's desires, especially if they are ridiculous, in your mind?

For God's sake, they are my sons, not strangers on the streets, or any unknown people on a charity organization's list that many people here are eager to denote money to.

nonfacebookuser365 · Post by **nonfacebookuser365** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:36 am

Wedding costs are the responsibility of the bride. When did this change?

JoeRetire · Post by **JoeRetire** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:38 am

flyingaway wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:02 am I have two sons who do not have serious girlfriends at this time. But I want to set aside some money for their eventual weddings before I retire. I am interested in knowing how much do you plan to spend (did you spend) on your children's weddings? And how do you invest the money?

Some background information: we are an upper middle class family in a low cost living area. Both my sons are now working in other states (high cost living areas), one just started working three months ago. But they have very good jobs with good salaries. I am planning to set aside $20K for each of them and put the money in a money market fund.

I gave each of my sons $10k for use toward their weddings.

None of it was "set aside".

bluelight · Post by **bluelight** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:40 am

In a LCOL area, 20k should be enough to cover or at least put a decent dent into the total wedding costs.

We're in a VHCOL area and I chipped in about 7K for my daughter's wedding in 2010. She and her future husband covered the rest. There were about 50 people and we DIY'd the decorations, invitations and flowers. Even so, when you add up all the incidental costs involved it can get expensive quickly.

theplayer11 · Post by **theplayer11** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:46 am

nonfacebookuser365 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:36 am Wedding costs are the responsibility of the bride. When did this change?

Yeah..I have a daughter and a son, will help with daughter's wedding, not son's. In the past, people got married earlier and it made sense for their parents to fund as the young couples were not established in their jobs. Today however, the trend is that people are getting married later and have established jobs. These people are better suited to pay for their own weddings..and that is the trend.

theplayer11 · Post by **theplayer11** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:47 am

bluelight wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:40 am In a LCOL area, 20k should be enough to cover or at least put a decent dent into the total wedding costs.

We're in a VHCOL area and I chipped in about 7K for my daughter's wedding in 2010. She and her future husband covered the rest. There were about 50 people and we DIY'd the decorations, invitations and flowers. Even so, when you add up all the incidental costs involved it can get expensive quickly.

$20k for 1 wedding in lcol area?..less than half that..easily

HomeStretch · Post by **HomeStretch** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:50 am

nonfacebookuser365 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:36 am Wedding costs are the responsibility of the bride. When did this change?

I think, along with dowries, around the 20th century.

theplayer11 · Post by **theplayer11** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:51 am

any wedding without the chicken dance is a great start

goblue100 · Post by **goblue100** » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:52 am

We spent an amount I would have deemed too much on the face of it, when my daughter was younger. When the time came, I was happy to spend it to give her the day she wanted. She and her husband contributed some, and his dad did as well, so we all shared the expense and it was a very happy occasion. A friend told me once on an unrelated expense, when I was complaining about the cost of something, "hey, once its spent you'll never miss it". While I'm sure that can be overdone, on this site I expect it fits more than it misses, and it certainly fit for my daughter's wedding. I'll never miss the money we spent, and she got the wedding she wanted.
Full disclosure, we were somewhere around 10k from us, with another 6k from the kids and the father in law.