Day care vs nanny for child care

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Cyanide123
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Day care vs nanny for child care

Post by Cyanide123 »

Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.

What's the best experience you guys have had?
msk
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by msk »

All my 4 kids had nannies. They also went to pre-school play groups from age 3. All seem to have grown up great. Day care centers are the source of numerous, annoying infections, so if you are an anti-vaxxer that may sound good... Nannies are a luxury, but if you can afford it, IMHO it's a no-brainer.
Topic Author
Cyanide123
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Cyanide123 »

msk wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 2:13 am All my 4 kids had nannies. They also went to pre-school play groups from age 3. All seem to have grown up great. Day care centers are the source of numerous, annoying infections, so if you are an anti-vaxxer that may sound good... Nannies are a luxury, but if you can afford it, IMHO it's a no-brainer.
Finding a good nanny whose schedule aligns with our schedules just seems daunting. Especially since we won't know if the nanny is good or bad until we've left our child with the nanny, while at least day cares have some certification process.
Sam1
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Sam1 »

Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 3:04 am
msk wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 2:13 am All my 4 kids had nannies. They also went to pre-school play groups from age 3. All seem to have grown up great. Day care centers are the source of numerous, annoying infections, so if you are an anti-vaxxer that may sound good... Nannies are a luxury, but if you can afford it, IMHO it's a no-brainer.
Finding a good nanny whose schedule aligns with our schedules just seems daunting. Especially since we won't know if the nanny is good or bad until we've left our child with the nanny, while at least day cares have some certification process.
I also felt this way (concern about a child being ALONE with a nanny,) but then I left my child at a daycare one day for a trial and NEVER AGAIN. I think it’s something you have to experience once you’re a parent. Some parents have no choice. If you have the means have your kid nap in their own bed, not be around so many other kids (they can’t play at a young age!), have their bottle when they want it (others to feed at daycare!) and not have to worry about illnesses. A big one is not having your kid around constant stimuli. I’ve noticed daycare kids are often extremely hyper and crazy because they have been around other kids and noise/activity all day long. That isn’t good for a young kid. they need a peaceful environment. Daycare really is a place to store kids while you’re at work. Even the nicest centers are institutions.
Sam1
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Sam1 »

OP - once your kid arrives imagine taking care of three or four of them at once. Would you do that? Because that’s a daycare.
jmk
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by jmk »

A child is better off in a good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies.
AlohaJoe
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by AlohaJoe »

Every nanny I've ever heard of takes the baby/children places where they have a chance to interact with others on a regular, often daily, basis.

Only about 1/4th of kids in America are in daycare[1]. Surely you don't think the other 75% are somehow not socialized? Or that kids born before daycare became widespread in the last 3 or 4 decades were somehow not socialised? What about all the stay-at-home parents looking after their children? Are they traumatizing them for life by depriving them of day care? Surely not?

[1]: 23.5% of children under the age of 5 are in non-relative care at an organized care facility. An additional 11.2% are in non-relative care not at an organised care facility. https://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p70-135.pdf
veindoc
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by veindoc »

We based our decision based on our situation. As physicians we had irregular hours so a nanny for our situation was best. Last thing I wanted was to have to pay $1 a minute late fee because one of my patients was late or complicated or having an emergency. I think in the early years a nanny is best. In daycare the kids feed themselves so you can only give them finger foods and they nap to the daycare’s schedule. If your kid is a slow eater or fickle eater, the food gets dumped after the allotted 30 mins or so. By two, I think a daycare can be wonderful for the kid. My niece had a nanny from 3-18 months and now is in a daycare and it’s a great experience for her.

Keep in mind having a nanny is more expensive and less privacy. That person is in your house all day. Also if they are sick or unavailable you have no child care. At the same time they can run errands for you, make small meals, and be available for handyman and such. Our nanny also thought our kids Spanish. For us it was ideal.

Having had many friends who’ve dealt with this situation. I find kids in daycare are more independent, in terms of putting their clothes on, eating, and running. I also think they transition into school better having been institutionalized earlier.
FoolMeOnce
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by FoolMeOnce »

We could afford both and have sent our kids to daycare. The place has become like family to us and it will be very sad to leave. It is hard to imagine a nanny providing such enriching experiences, but I'm sure there are great ones who do. It is hard for a nanny to replicate the social aspect, though, even if they go to various classes and clubs. An hour here and there is no replacement.

Aside from cost, it just comes down to preference, convenience, etc. Either decision can work well, and either decision can work poorly.
Sam1
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Sam1 »

jmk wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:19 am A child is better off in a good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies.
Babies don’t socialize. At all.

Children start socializing closer to age 3. Around age 2 they independently play.
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queso
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by queso »

Predict thread closing due to massive argument over "outsourcing of parenting" in 3....2....1......
Thorsbane
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Thorsbane »

Sam1 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:00 am
jmk wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:19 am A child is better off in a good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies.
Babies don’t socialize. At all.

Children start socializing closer to age 3. Around age 2 they independently play.
This is not true... Personal experience has shown that the kids at my daycare are socializing and learning to interact together as early as 16 to 18 months.

https://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-mi ... n_11742.bc
RJC
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by RJC »

A certified Montessori daycare. The environment is calm and the kids do a lot of fun, independent "work" activities (as well as group play). The kids that graduate seem to be far more prepared when they enter kindergarten.
cherijoh
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by cherijoh »

AlohaJoe wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:37 am Every nanny I've ever heard of takes the baby/children places where they have a chance to interact with others on a regular, often daily, basis.

Only about 1/4th of kids in America are in daycare[1]. Surely you don't think the other 75% are somehow not socialized? Or that kids born before daycare became widespread in the last 3 or 4 decades were somehow not socialised? What about all the stay-at-home parents looking after their children? Are they traumatizing them for life by depriving them of day care? Surely not?

[1]: 23.5% of children under the age of 5 are in non-relative care at an organized care facility. An additional 11.2% are in non-relative care not at an organised care facility. https://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p70-135.pdf
It is good that you quote a source for your figures, but this is based on 2010 census data, so I would take its accuracy with a grain of salt. Especially in light of the fact that we were coming out of the Great Recession when the data was collected.
ThankYouJack
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by ThankYouJack »

I don't think there's a one size fits all and depends on the child and his/her temperament. Also a great daycare will be better than a bad nanny and vice versa.

For us, a nanny until age 1 or 2 was good. And then a combination of pre-school (basically part-time daycare) and having a part-time nanny has worked well.
Strayshot
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Strayshot »

The “best” childcare is the situation that works well for the parents. In-home vs nanny vs daycare too many variables to say any one is better than any other.
For <1.5 years, in-home and nanny worked best for us. For >1.5 years a high quality daycare (high quality means educational curriculum, small class sizes that are less than the state requires, supports regimented potty training process per “the book” etc) worked best.
You know what opinions are like, everyone has one. I definitely think that kids learn to share / play / socialize around 16-17 months and could tell a dramatic difference between friends with grandparent / nanny / SAHM parent raised kids and those who were regularly around other kids for social interaction. Will that matter as they all grow up? Who knows.
I think if you go the nanny route, make sure that your nanny does regular “play groups” when the kid hits a year and a half or so to get them “socialized” and make sure they start getting sick too. Last thing you want is to have an isolated well child who goes to preschool or kindergarten and is sick all the time (and you will be too), spread it out over a couple years :sharebeer
Leemiller
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Leemiller »

Without question having a nanny is a luxury, and we did it for both our kids. They come to your house, give the baby 1:1 attention, and are more flexible than a daycare. We did without some other luxuries to afford it. We also paid a competitive wage, so that helped with the quality of candidates. Babies do not want to play with other babies. They don’t even notice until they are older and then that is because they learn how much they hate sharing.
FoolMeOnce
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by FoolMeOnce »

ThankYouJack wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:38 am I don't think there's a one size fits all and depends on the child and his/her temperament. Also a great daycare will be better than a bad nanny and vice versa.
Agreed. There is no right answer that fits everyone. The wrong answer, though, is demonizing one or the other.
alfaspider
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by alfaspider »

Sam1 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:00 am
jmk wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:19 am A child is better off in a good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies.
Babies don’t socialize. At all.

Children start socializing closer to age 3. Around age 2 they independently play.
They may play independently to a degree, but that doesn't mean they don't benefit from social interaction or like the presence of other kids. Before my son could really put sentences together (when he had just turned two), he already knew the names of all the kids in his class. He'd see one of the kids in his class when we were in a public place and run after them calling their name. He's not yet 3 but absolutely plays with other kids.

As for nanny vs daycare. It's a very personal choice, and I know people who have been happy with both. The key with a nanny is finding the right person. The nanny is also less likely to be as reliable- a single person is much more likely to be sick or unavailable than a business that hires many people. A nanny is going to be more expensive unless you have at least 2, and likely 3 kids. Plus, most people are going to be pretty taxed watching multiple kids at once all day in a home environment.
miamivice
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by miamivice »

Leemiller wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:50 am They don’t even notice until they are older and then that is because they learn how much they hate sharing.
+100
miamivice
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by miamivice »

Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:49 am Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.

What's the best experience you guys have had?
With regards to kids getting sick in daycare: Your kids will, at some point, be in close proximity with other kids, whether preschool years or during school years. One parent told me that "kids build up their immunities" in daycare and then when they go to public school they hardly miss any school at all due to illness. While I don't know if that is a true statement, it has been true for our kids. They got sick a lot as little kids but then didn't miss school much at all due to illness.

For us, it's a "pay me now or pay me later" type of a situation.
miamivice
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by miamivice »

Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:49 am Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.

What's the best experience you guys have had?
One thing to think about is that a nanny needs vacation time and sick leave, so you would need options to provide care for your children for the nannies days off. With daycare, they provide backup options and it would be rare that you would have to have plan B.

We, as well as virtually everyone in my peer group, do/did daycare over nannies. I believe that people that hired nannies were folks above our socioeconomic class, such as doctors.
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dodecahedron
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by dodecahedron »

Very individual. My older one had nannies until she was 16 months old. They were very good, but we had unexpected turnover as their individual circumstances (e.g., spouse´s job relocation) required us to find new solutions.

Then we enrolled her in a small cooperative daycare. There were six young toddlers in her classroom, with an excellent fulltime head teacher and an excellent part-time assistant teacher. Each family committed to having one adult in the family (could be the mother, father, or alternating combination of them week to week) help out in the classroom three hours per week. Also, each family had to serve on a committee (e.g., fundraising, finance, building, etc.) Also there were monthly classroom meetings where we dealt with policy/philosophy issues, etc.

It was a wonderful arrangement. I looked forward to my Friday morning helping times. I learned a lot (particularly about dealing with challenging toddler behaviors) from the teachers, the director, and the other parents. We became like a large extended family. We shared a common philosophy about the best way to support children´s development.

We moved out of state after a couple years but I am still in touch with another mom from that classroom. (Our ¨young toddlers¨ are now 33 years old!)
Last edited by dodecahedron on Thu Aug 01, 2019 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
stoptothink
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by stoptothink »

My kids don't really have a "nanny", we pay MIL to watch them (at our home) and she also watches the two children of my wife's best friend. It is more expensive for us, but MIL is amazing with the kids and all the normal concerns of daycare are pretty much gone.
bluebolt
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by bluebolt »

Nanny
Pros - flexibility, one-on-one time, can adapt schedule better to child, lower stress of strict pick-up/drop-off times, child less likely to be sick, ability for nanny to do some things around the house, cost relatively fixed for 2 or 3 kids.

Cons - Sickness, vacation can be a challenge. If they leave or are a bad fit, it's stressful to find a replacement on short notice. Setting up payment including social security, taxes.

Day care
Pros - fixed schedule, possible to get long days (10+ hours), socialization, exposure to activities (art, music, group play) that may be harder with a nanny, opportunity for parents to meet/socialize with other parents.

Cons - less personal attention, fixed schedule, germ factory, cost increases linearly with number of kids, high teacher turnover at some places

If you can afford either (or both), it comes down to a personal decision that works for your family.
bryansmile
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by bryansmile »

Never tried nannies.

With daycare, the key is to find a good one. It's not easy, and takes a bit of work on your part, but it's totally worth it. And they are out there. And they are not necessarily the most expensive kind.

We moved a few times when kids were young, and each time we visited about 20 daycare centers before deciding. Visit in the middle of the day, see how the kids and teachers are interacting. Talk to the director. Talk to other parents if you see them. Talk to your coworkers with kids.

I find that often times the best ones are those associated with a college/univ or a church. The college typically has a Early Childhood Education degree program, and a lot of their students would work/intern there. Despite of a lack of parenting experience, these young people have some professional training and most importantly, are genuinely passionate about taking care of little kids, and it just shows in the quality of their work... The best teachers our kids had there were young graduates from that college who chose to continue working there full time. I also find the best caretakers at the church daycare center we chose are of granny type, who are just full of love for little kids.
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rcjchicity
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by rcjchicity »

bluebolt wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 9:35 am Nanny
Pros - flexibility, one-on-one time, can adapt schedule better to child, lower stress of strict pick-up/drop-off times, child less likely to be sick, ability for nanny to do some things around the house, cost relatively fixed for 2 or 3 kids.

Cons - Sickness, vacation can be a challenge. If they leave or are a bad fit, it's stressful to find a replacement on short notice. Setting up payment including social security, taxes.

Day care
Pros - fixed schedule, possible to get long days (10+ hours), socialization, exposure to activities (art, music, group play) that may be harder with a nanny, opportunity for parents to meet/socialize with other parents.

Cons - less personal attention, fixed schedule, germ factory, cost increases linearly with number of kids, high teacher turnover at some places

If you can afford either (or both), it comes down to a personal decision that works for your family.
Bluebolt nails it. If you can afford either, it's really a personal choice.

We did a nanny with our kids while they were infants, and then daycare after that. We felt that worked best for our family.
notmyhand
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by notmyhand »

Our child is in daycare.

One of my best friends and ex roommates turned out to be a child predator. We literally had no idea until he was sentenced to jail and disappeared that we found out from his wife. The person was one of the closest friends we had and we had absolutely nothing that made us think this. Thankfully this was pre-children.

But since that experience I do not trust my judgement of people and do everything in my power to make sure my kid is not left alone with an adult. Therefore our child is in a large daycare where it is state law that 3+ adults are in the room at all times due to the amount of kids they have.

Not a typical reason but felt people should consider it.
hoffse
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by hoffse »

I prefer a good daycare 90% of the time. I like that my kid has a routine and is learning that sometimes he has to wait because John’s diaper needs to be changed or Cici is crying. I like that it’s professionally run, and I can pay by credit card and get points. I like that he sees the same group of kids every day and is forming peer groups that require negotiation, sharing, and problem solving. I like that the kitchen meal plans and feeds him several meals a day with a large variety of food. He also has access to 4 playgrounds, an indoor gym, a kid-sized fully working kitchen, a library, and wet rooms for sand play and art. The wet rooms are really cool. The teachers literally just hose them down to clean up (and sometimes the kids get hosed down too)!

The people running the center have PhDs in early childhood education and know more about it than I do.

Could I find a nanny who could do all of this? Not likely. If I could, we would be spending a small fortune.

The 10% of the time that I wish we had a nanny are days when he is sick and we have to keep him home. On those days we scramble for care. If grandma and grandpa lived an hour closer, this wouldn’t be an issue.
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JPH
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by JPH »

Mine surely is an extreme outlyer data point but one that should be considered. We hired a young woman that lived down the street from us as a nanny. We superficially knew the family, and she was recommended by another neighbor. Soon we found evidence that her boyfriend was spending time there. Once I came home from work early and found her asleep on the couch with the kids ordered to stay in a bedroom by themselves because she was having severe cramps. Finally I noticed small burns on one of the kids. When confronted, she said she had caught him playing with her matches and touched a hot match to his skin to teach him that matches are dangerous. I fired her and put the kids in daycare. Whatever you choose, be vigilant. If the kids complain, listen to them. We also had some problems with neglect in a daycare operated by a single person out of her home. Maybe abuse/neglect is less likely in a daycare setting where multiple adults are Present.

Our kids received fabulous care at the daycare facility operated by the Department of Child Development at the university where I was training.
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JediMisty
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by JediMisty »

miamivice wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 8:15 am
Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:49 am Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.

What's the best experience you guys have had?
With regards to kids getting sick in daycare: Your kids will, at some point, be in close proximity with other kids, whether preschool years or during school years. One parent told me that "kids build up their immunities" in daycare and then when they go to public school they hardly miss any school at all due to illness. While I don't know if that is a true statement, it has been true for our kids. They got sick a lot as little kids but then didn't miss school much at all due to illness.

For us, it's a "pay me now or pay me later" type of a situation.
My son was in a high quality daycare from 11 weeks right through to Kindegarten. There were many minor illnesses. My pediatrician said that while it was annoying, that when he hits his first birthday he will have built an immune system of steel. I noticed a difference at almost exactly his first birthday. He missed so little school throughout his childhood that he was actually angry because he never "got any time off" from school like every other kid. At 30, he has almost never been ill. Doesn't even get a flu shot. He was vaccinated for everything during childhood right on schedule. If I would have had the money I would have gotten a nanny. Now I realize my concerns for his health and well being just weren't based on medical science. Good quality daycare wasn't cheap, either.
rascott
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by rascott »

We've used a nanny now for 4+ years. (4yo and 1 yo). It's been a great experience for us, the nanny is in her 50s and has worked as either a nanny or at a daycare most of her life.

Trust and dependability is the biggest issue. We interviewed half a dozen or so to find one that we felt good about. We felt for babies/toddlers being in their own home daily was a huge blessing. They get to sleep in as they need to, nap in their own bed, etc....

It's also a huge benefit to the parents that work.... getting a baby/toddler out of the house is a big chore by itself. Having to do that early every morning, waking up little ones that are still should be sleeping, etc sounds extremely unappealing after all these years.

As to socialization...,the nanny takes them to age. appropriate groups 2-3x per week for an hour or two. Mom usually meets them there (flexible work schedule). Once my oldest was 3, he started at a local pre-school 2x a week (3 hrs at a time).

Kids are very resilient and will adapt to whatever route you go. But if you can afford it, and can find a good one....really going to be hard to beat the constant one-on one interaction you get from a nanny in your own home. And the time-saving/convenience factor should not be overlooked.
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Cyanide123
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Cyanide123 »

veindoc wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 6:49 am We based our decision based on our situation. As physicians we had irregular hours so a nanny for our situation was best. Last thing I wanted was to have to pay $1 a minute late fee because one of my patients was late or complicated or having an emergency. I think in the early years a nanny is best. In daycare the kids feed themselves so you can only give them finger foods and they nap to the daycare’s schedule. If your kid is a slow eater or fickle eater, the food gets dumped after the allotted 30 mins or so. By two, I think a daycare can be wonderful for the kid. My niece had a nanny from 3-18 months and now is in a daycare and it’s a great experience for her.

Keep in mind having a nanny is more expensive and less privacy. That person is in your house all day. Also if they are sick or unavailable you have no child care. At the same time they can run errands for you, make small meals, and be available for handyman and such. Our nanny also thought our kids Spanish. For us it was ideal.

Having had many friends who’ve dealt with this situation. I find kids in daycare are more independent, in terms of putting their clothes on, eating, and running. I also think they transition into school better having been institutionalized earlier.
Mine is a two physician household as well. My wife is still in residency though, I just finished residency and living the 12 shifts a month ER life now. But obviously our schedules will be all over. I'm assuming that we will only be needing a nanny for the 12 days that I'll be at work, otherwise I think I can take care of the kiddo when I'm at home. Wife's schedule will be hit or miss depending on what rotation she is on. The expense doesn't concern me as much as the privacy. Only time will tell, we're leaning towards nanny for the first 1 - 1.5 years followed by day care right now.
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Cyanide123
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Cyanide123 »

JPH wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:45 am Mine surely is an extreme outlyer data point but one that should be considered. We hired a young woman that lived down the street from us as a nanny. We superficially knew the family, and she was recommended by another neighbor. Soon we found evidence that her boyfriend was spending time there. Once I came home from work early and found her asleep on the couch with the kids ordered to stay in a bedroom by themselves because she was having severe cramps. Finally I noticed small burns on one of the kids. When confronted, she said she had caught him playing with her matches and touched a hot match to his skin to teach him that matches are dangerous. I fired her and put the kids in daycare. Whatever you choose, be vigilant. If the kids complain, listen to them. We also had some problems with neglect in a daycare operated by a single person out of her home. Maybe abuse/neglect is less likely in a daycare setting where multiple adults are Present.

Our kids received fabulous care at the daycare facility operated by the Department of Child Development at the university where I was training.
And this is why having a nanny can be terrifying too. These are the most important years of the development of a child. At least you were lucky enough to find out that this person was not adequately caring for your child. Sometimes bad care or even abuse can go unnoticed for months before someone finds out.
decapod10
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by decapod10 »

One option to consider would be both: 1/2 day of preschool, then nanny the rest of the day.

However, if I had to choose just one, I would prefer a nanny. Hours are much more flexible (which was really important for us). The nanny can take the kids to various activities (music, sports, museums, etc), while daycare you are just limited to whatever the daycare is doing.
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by smitcat »

Cyanide123 wrote: Fri Aug 02, 2019 10:39 pm
JPH wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:45 am Mine surely is an extreme outlyer data point but one that should be considered. We hired a young woman that lived down the street from us as a nanny. We superficially knew the family, and she was recommended by another neighbor. Soon we found evidence that her boyfriend was spending time there. Once I came home from work early and found her asleep on the couch with the kids ordered to stay in a bedroom by themselves because she was having severe cramps. Finally I noticed small burns on one of the kids. When confronted, she said she had caught him playing with her matches and touched a hot match to his skin to teach him that matches are dangerous. I fired her and put the kids in daycare. Whatever you choose, be vigilant. If the kids complain, listen to them. We also had some problems with neglect in a daycare operated by a single person out of her home. Maybe abuse/neglect is less likely in a daycare setting where multiple adults are Present.

Our kids received fabulous care at the daycare facility operated by the Department of Child Development at the university where I was training.
And this is why having a nanny can be terrifying too. These are the most important years of the development of a child. At least you were lucky enough to find out that this person was not adequately caring for your child. Sometimes bad care or even abuse can go unnoticed for months before someone finds out.
And that is why we did the Daycare route as well - after a number of our friends installed discrete camera's inside their homes and were very uncomfortable with what they saw. At one point they were loaning the cameras from one to another as they ended their nanny experience and went to a licensed childcare center.
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Cyanide123
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Cyanide123 »

smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 5:55 am

And that is why we did the Daycare route as well - after a number of our friends installed discrete camera's inside their homes and were very uncomfortable with what they saw. At one point they were loaning the cameras from one to another as they ended their nanny experience and went to a licensed childcare center.
Out of curiosity, what sort of things did they see on the cameras?
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warner25
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by warner25 »

I listened to a good NPR On-Point episode a few days ago with the author of the book Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool by economist Emily Oster. The summary of her conclusions about child-care was that these decisions (SAHP vs nanny vs daycare) actually don't affect outcomes for kids after controlling for other factors, mainly who you are as the parent. So it's best to stop worrying about what's best for the kids, and just choose what's best for the family, i.e. parents' mental health and happiness and financial situation. For Emily Oster that meant daycare while keeping her job in academia. For our family it means my wife cares for our kids at home
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by smitcat »

Cyanide123 wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:15 am
smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 5:55 am

And that is why we did the Daycare route as well - after a number of our friends installed discrete camera's inside their homes and were very uncomfortable with what they saw. At one point they were loaning the cameras from one to another as they ended their nanny experience and went to a licensed childcare center.
Out of curiosity, what sort of things did they see on the cameras?
indifference , shaking, theft, privacy invasions, etc
Cameras like the 'one shot' are easy to use and fairly cheap - I am sure they have better stuff out now.
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by smitcat »

warner25 wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:35 am I listened to a good NPR On-Point episode a few days ago with the author of the book Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool by economist Emily Oster. The summary of her conclusions about child-care was that these decisions (SAHP vs nanny vs daycare) actually don't affect outcomes for kids after controlling for other factors, mainly who you are as the parent. So it's best to stop worrying about what's best for the kids, and just choose what's best for the family, i.e. parents' mental health and happiness and financial situation. For Emily Oster that meant daycare while keeping her job in academia. For our family it means my wife cares for our kids at home
That would mean that all nannies are the same.
That would also mean that all childcare centers are the same.
And that would mean that all parents are the same.

I would suggest that hardly any parents are skilled in needs for early intervention when those might be important to some children.
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JoeRetire
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by JoeRetire »

Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:49 am Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.
If cost is not an issue, the best options for childcare are:
- parent
- other relative
- nanny
- daycare

in that order.
It's the end of the world as we know it. | It's the end of the world as we know it. | It's the end of the world as we know it. | And I feel fine.
smitcat
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by smitcat »

smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:57 am
Cyanide123 wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:15 am
smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 5:55 am

And that is why we did the Daycare route as well - after a number of our friends installed discrete camera's inside their homes and were very uncomfortable with what they saw. At one point they were loaning the cameras from one to another as they ended their nanny experience and went to a licensed childcare center.
Out of curiosity, what sort of things did they see on the cameras?
indifference , shaking, theft, privacy invasions, etc
Cameras like the 'one shot' are easy to use and fairly cheap - I am sure they have better stuff out now.
Allow me to add that these cameras can be equally valuable in home eldercare situations.
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by smitcat »

JoeRetire wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:04 am
Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:49 am Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.
If cost is not an issue, the best options for childcare are:
- parent
- other relative
- nanny
- daycare

in that order.
Interesting,
We had come to the conclusion that the list is in this order if cost is not an issue:
- good childcare center
- some parents
- other relative
- nanny
caffeperfavore
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by caffeperfavore »

Our experience: We had a nanny until our child was three and then switched to a Montessori daycare. In retrospect, I would still use the nanny but would have switched to daycare sooner, by at least 2 1/2, if not 2 years. I think it would have helped a lot with regard to both potty training (at least to speed up the process) and with socialization. People say that kids don't really play with others until three, but that wasn't our case. Also, I believe that they're still observing and absorbing things even if they're not fully engaged interpsersonally yet.

By age three, we realized that even with regular outings and activities, the daycare could offer so much more enrichment than a nanny could. And we hit the lottery with our nanny, a wonderful woman in her fifties who had a career in early childhood education, including a Master's in the field, and who was someone that we trusted like family. Based on our peer group, she was an anomoly. I really couldn't imagine how she could have been better, but there's only so much you can do within the home, even supplemented with regular activities and play events outside the home.

We work from home, so it was wonderful to see our child when we wanted in the first year, even two. I'll confirm the downsides others have mentioned: a lack of daycare when nanny is sick or needs a vacation and the hassle of employment reporting and withholdings if you pay above the table. We found the federal part to be easy, but our state makes it unnecessarily complicated and confusing. I spent a lot of time trying to understand it all. It's also a lot easier to find a good daycare than a good nanny. There's a lot of people that become nannys because they lack marketable skills or education and are not always the type of people you want in your home watching your child. Their ideas about napping, what's acceptable behavior and how to correct it, suitable activities, nutrition, etc. may end up clashing with yours. We briefly had a nanny prior to Mary Poppins that we didn't see eye to eye on anything with. Nanny's can also also quit unexpectedly and then you'll be scrambling to find someone else.
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by HawkeyeJD »

smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:10 am
JoeRetire wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:04 am
Cyanide123 wrote: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:49 am Just curious what others would do. If cost was not an issue, do you think a child is better off with a one on one nanny? I guess parents can have more control over who the nanny is.

Or do you think a child is better off in a really good day care where he/she can develop social skills while interacting with other babies. Of course at the cost of a few more viral infection a year.
If cost is not an issue, the best options for childcare are:
- parent
- other relative
- nanny
- daycare

in that order.
Interesting,
We had come to the conclusion that the list is in this order if cost is not an issue:
- good childcare center
- some parents
- other relative
- nanny
We landed in the same place, best option is a good childcare center where there are numerous trained adults and considerable accountability, versus one person who we would never probably totally trust. I don’t have any data to support our decision, just sort of what felt intuitive to us.

Also, the nanny route was problematic because of sick leave and schedule changes. The daycare we use is open 6am to 6pm five days a week without fail, which is important given our jobs.
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by thx1138 »

There is a large variation in daycare options.
There is a large variation in nanny options.
There is a large variation in children.
There is a large variation in parents.
There is a large variation in family situations.

Hence there is a large variation in what is "best".

We went the daycare route in the end because there was an excellent daycare down the street from us at a hospital open 12 hours a day that almost never closed - even on horrible snow days. Thus it gave us at least as much if not more flexibility than a nanny would have. Multiple staff had over 15 years experience and many had education in early childhood development. It was an easy choice and worked out great for us and our child when she was young.

We visited a fair number of daycare facilities. There were definitely ones that we visited that if they had been the only option to us we would likely have gone the nanny route instead. We know many families that have used nannies and it has worked very well for them. Obviously from a financial perspective if you have two or more closely spaced kids the nanny economics work out very well compared to daycare.

As far as illness goes we in comparison to peers who have used nannies or daycare have indeed found that kids are pretty much going to get the same amount of sick. It is just a question of when they get sick. Whenever they end up in a group setting they are going to get sick pretty frequently for a year or two. So daycare kids do that earlier in life than the nanny kids. I don't think it really matters in the end. In general early childhood is more stressful for the parents and so deferring the child sick days until later might be considered an advantage?

As to the edge risk cases of abuse or neglect I can say we really hadn't considered that in the nanny vs. daycare decision because we didn't end up having to evaluate nannies. That said in hindsight I can completely understand this concern as I know even at our excellent daycare there was one staff member with more than 15 years of experience that while not physically doing anything was yelling at young children sometimes. Because in the daycare environment there was always at least one other caregiver around there was intervention to deal with this. People change and end up with different stressors in their life so just because they have great references and seem nice enough that doesn't mean they can't change. A good daycare can better flag and intervene in these situations. Of course that is still dependent on the daycare and its management...

By about age three I think it is very difficult for a nanny to solely provide adequate enrichment. So likely the kid should be moving to at least some sort of part time group setting. I know I grew up with an amazing stay at home mom that even had background in early childhood education. Our house was full of Montessori tools and my mother knew exactly how to explain and use them as she had been a Montessori teacher. Nonetheless I went to two years of preschool before kindergarten precisely because she knew I'd get more enrichment in that environment and would be better prepared for "regular" school. This mirrors what we see in many of our peers with nannies - some sort of transition rather than just dropping them right into school at age 5. Similarly while we loved our nearby daycare for early childhood we evaluated that their enrichment past about age three wasn't meeting our expectations and as we had a temporary relocation to deal with anyway we changed daycare at that time.

So really - figure out what works for your family with the options you have open to you. Whatever you choose there are millions of people who have made the same choice. The most important thing is to use those folks who made the same choice as you to help guide you through whatever pitfalls your particular choice might have. So if you are going the nanny route find people with older kids that used nannies for advice. If going daycare do the same. And very importantly - if going with a close family member (e.g. grandparents) still do the same!!! The "close family member" route has its own set of pitfalls which sometimes surprise folks - and of course they can be a bit more idiosyncratic which is a challenge.
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warner25
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by warner25 »

smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:00 am That would mean that all nannies are the same.
That would also mean that all childcare centers are the same.
And that would mean that all parents are the same.

I would suggest that hardly any parents are skilled in needs for early intervention when those might be important to some children.
No, because I said, "controlling for other factors, mainly who you are as a parent." Outcomes mostly correlate to the education level and socioeconomic success of the parents, which are obviously not all the same. I think the explanation is that parents who could provide great care at home can usually also choose/afford a great nanny or childcare center, and vice versa. Similarly, the high school drop-out, drug-abusing and/or neglectful parent probably can't or won't.
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by Nowizard »

"Nanny" in the strictest sense conveys more than what we did. During early years, we started with the day care route, pretty quickly abandoning it, primarily due to the frequency with which our children would catch whatever was going around. Larger groups of children pretty much assure that some will be ill most of the time, and parents who need to work often send children to day care when they should be at home. Though difficult to find, we found an individual who kept 3-4 children which worked out great for a number of years in terms of a personal relationship, somewhat less cost, and much less illness. As the children reached about age 10, we hired someone to come to the home where she watched over the children while doing basic housekeeping. We felt that "Nanny" was more than we needed, definitely more than we could justify financially. The key for us was finding the right person in both cases and developing more of a partnership relationship than an employee one.

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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by DoubleBogey1 »

Definitely depends on the daycare, I’m a physician and when I was doing my residency training we had our child in daycare- he would come home routinely with bites/report filed many times do to another kid biting. We believe it was related to the teacher not being able to de-escalate the situation.

Currently, we have 3 kids, 6/4/7month - 6yo was in daycare, did very well (we had to pack lunches as he is a picky eater) would catch whatever bug/virus running around, now he is going to 1st grade. Our 4yo goes to daycare and does well.

We put our kids in daycare around 2yo, wife works part-time so we are able to pull it off.

We live in the NE part of country, daycares do close secondary to weather, and we are both in the healthcare field so our work places rarely close. Schools also close secondary to weather which can cause issues with work.

We discussed nanny options in the past, but didn’t think $30-40k was worth it (although we could afford it), the wife would still not want to work full time

Overall, the decision depends on the quality of daycare and nanny, and if financially the nanny makes sense. One way is t necessarily better than the other.

The best option is to have a retired grandparent help out - this depends strongly on family dynamics, if grandparents of the children are still working and if their health allows it. Their schedule is flexible, the cost is low, and strengthens the family unit
smitcat
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Re: Day care vs nanny for childcare

Post by smitcat »

warner25 wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 9:11 am
smitcat wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:00 am That would mean that all nannies are the same.
That would also mean that all childcare centers are the same.
And that would mean that all parents are the same.

I would suggest that hardly any parents are skilled in needs for early intervention when those might be important to some children.
No, because I said, "controlling for other factors, mainly who you are as a parent." Outcomes mostly correlate to the education level and socioeconomic success of the parents, which are obviously not all the same. I think the explanation is that parents who could provide great care at home can usually also choose/afford a great nanny or childcare center, and vice versa. Similarly, the high school drop-out, drug-abusing and/or neglectful parent probably can't or won't.
I am aware of many parents that are very talented and educated in various areas that have had issues with their children that could have been avoided by early education and intervention. They were certainly educated and had great intentions but in some cases they just did not know about specific areas and key indicator like someone trained in early education.
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