Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

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Housedoc
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Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Housedoc » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:39 pm

We have sent several wedding and bridal shower gifts this year. Not a single thank you note. Is this Old School and not done any longer?

livesoft
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by livesoft » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:41 pm

We have gotten several thank-you notes in the past month or so, so they are definitely not out of favor. I've written some myself, too.
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david
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by david » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:42 pm

It's still done. Though sometimes it takes a bunch of time to write and send them all.

02nz
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by 02nz » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:42 pm

Especially hand-written ones are rare. But that makes them all them more thoughtful and likely to be appreciated. Depends a lot on the recipient, I guess.

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prudent
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by prudent » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:44 pm

We've given 2 wedding and 3 graduation gifts this summer and got mailed handwritten thank you notes for each one.

FI4LIFE
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by FI4LIFE » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:47 pm

We always get handwritten thank you notes but there is no timetable. Some have come 6-8 months later.

juliewongferra
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by juliewongferra » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:48 pm

Housedoc wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:39 pm
We have sent several wedding and bridal shower gifts this year. Not a single thank you note. Is this Old School and not done any longer?
Thank yous should never be old school. Maybe not handwritten notes, but a thank you email or emoji or *something* to recognize your kindness. Because a favor given should at least be acknowledged. That being said, when did you send them? How big/complicated in planning was the wedding, how many attendees? Where and how long was the honeymoon, in a remote place of the world?

Sometimes things take time. I don't know what an "acceptable" amount of waiting time is, but I would be patient depending on the answer to some of my questions above.

cheers!
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Calli114
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Calli114 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:49 pm

A gift should always be acknowledged in some way, even if it's via email, but I've experienced the same thing. I sent a wedding gift out of state and its delivery was confirmed by Target, but NOTHING from the couple. Which doesn't rule out "porch pirates."

OTOH, this year I received a lovely, considerate hand-written thank you note slightly before the wedding even took place.

I still feel the acceptable etiquette should be to acknowledge a gift in some way, even electronically these days, although the old standard of handwritten notes on nice quality paper is always appreciated, at least by me.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Calli114 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 1:52 pm

An unofficial rule of thumb is to expect a note within 3 months of when the couple arrives back home after the honeymoon. So it's possible maybe some of your gifts are still within this window?

TallBoy29er
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by TallBoy29er » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:26 pm

Definitely not out of favor. A sign of maturity and respect, yes.

HomeStretch
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by HomeStretch » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:31 pm

Not out of favor for special occasions like weddings, showers, etc. Just received this week a lovely handwritten thank you note for a gift. A thank you in person or by phone is fine for birthday and holiday gifts.

renue74
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by renue74 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:34 pm

A hand written thank you note is an anomaly...and well received.

We have an airbnb and I just get a thank you note from a guest last weekend. 28 guests this year and only 1 thank you note. :)

DaftInvestor
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by DaftInvestor » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:49 pm

renue74 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:34 pm
A hand written thank you note is an anomaly...and well received.

We have an airbnb and I just get a thank you note from a guest last weekend. 28 guests this year and only 1 thank you note. :)
Did some of the other 27 write you nice on-line reviews?
I would never think to send a thank-you for an airbnb (nor have I done so for hotels nor standard BnBs) but I do feel I repay a nice stay with a well-written review - should help business moving forward.
An AirBnB guest isn't exactly receiving a gift - so isn't a review more appropriate than a thank you note?

OP: to answer your question - we still get them.

terran
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by terran » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:49 pm

Early 30s here. We sent them and still do. It's the right thing to do. My (slightly, but by not much) younger cousins did not send a thank you when we sent wedding gifts. We have some friends (slightly older) who send us a thank you whenever we have them over for dinner. Definitely more than necessary, but classy none-the-less. So I guess it can go either way, and you can't really control other people, but I think when in doubt, send a thank you.

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sunny_socal
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by sunny_socal » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:54 pm

My wife always sends thank you notes. I'm lucky I have her because I don't think I would :wink:

StandingRock
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by StandingRock » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:57 pm

I have had a stack of graduation gift thank you notes filtering in for a few weeks now. There's just polite people and rude people, don't take it personal.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Sophia1884 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:06 pm

I would love to know the ages of the responses...more for personal curiosity than anything else. Mid-30s here.
For me/us, I send thank you notes for older couples as I think they expect it/appreciate it. I send texts/emails and call for my peers and always call for family/younger folks. When we receive thank you notes, I appreciate them but as I put them sadly, gently, but firmly into recycling...I always think that I would have appreciated a text/email/call more ...both, for the connection/conversation and so I won't feel guilty about putting yet another thing into recycling.

Big Dog
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Big Dog » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:15 pm

good manners never go out of style, regardless of age.

My 30 yr old son got married last July and while it took them 6+ months to get the thank you's out, they finally did. (They made sure to purchase note cards printed on recycled paper.)

btw: they quickly learned the value of hardcopy, when planning for the reception.....did Uncle Reemus ever send in a card? While at the shore over spring break, did Aunt Becky say that she was definitely coming, or 'was working on it'?
Last edited by Big Dog on Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

daheld
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by daheld » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:16 pm

My wife and I literally worked on thank you notes while we waited in the airport to and from our honeymoon. It's not out of favor, and young people still have manners.

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:36 pm

My rule of thumb is not to expect a handwritten thank-you note from anyone who is no longer living with their parents (or whose parents were not involved with the wedding if a wedding gift). We usually receive a handwritten note from the bride (still a traditional role, I suppose). High school and college graduation gifts are hit-and-miss for us. Seems very parent-dependent to me.

renue74
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by renue74 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:44 pm

DaftInvestor wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:49 pm
renue74 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:34 pm
A hand written thank you note is an anomaly...and well received.

We have an airbnb and I just get a thank you note from a guest last weekend. 28 guests this year and only 1 thank you note. :)
Did some of the other 27 write you nice on-line reviews?
I would never think to send a thank-you for an airbnb (nor have I done so for hotels nor standard BnBs) but I do feel I repay a nice stay with a well-written review - should help business moving forward.
An AirBnB guest isn't exactly receiving a gift - so isn't a review more appropriate than a thank you note?

OP: to answer your question - we still get them.
All our reviews are excellent. We've gotten plenty of reviews on airbnb and we've even gotten guests who have extended their stays because they enjoyed the home so much. (Tends to be older guests who have time on their hands.)

I've seen "thank you" books in beach house or mountain house rentals, but we never really leave thank you notes in them.

DaftInvestor
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by DaftInvestor » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:48 pm

renue74 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:44 pm
DaftInvestor wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:49 pm
renue74 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:34 pm
A hand written thank you note is an anomaly...and well received.

We have an airbnb and I just get a thank you note from a guest last weekend. 28 guests this year and only 1 thank you note. :)
Did some of the other 27 write you nice on-line reviews?
I would never think to send a thank-you for an airbnb (nor have I done so for hotels nor standard BnBs) but I do feel I repay a nice stay with a well-written review - should help business moving forward.
An AirBnB guest isn't exactly receiving a gift - so isn't a review more appropriate than a thank you note?

OP: to answer your question - we still get them.
All our reviews are excellent. We've gotten plenty of reviews on airbnb and we've even gotten guests who have extended their stays because they enjoyed the home so much. (Tends to be older guests who have time on their hands.)

I've seen "thank you" books in beach house or mountain house rentals, but we never really leave thank you notes in them.
The books left in the houses are kind of neat because they journal what others have enjoyed about a place and area allowing the next guests to read through the entries and get some additional hints and ideas on things to do ("enjoyed hiking trail x because..." or "xyz restaurant had the best abc we ever had") sometimes beyond yelp/etc.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Texanbybirth » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:49 pm

sunny_socal wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:54 pm
My wife always sends thank you notes. I'm lucky I have her because I don't think I would :wink:
+1
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by KirklandCoug » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm

Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.

GCD
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by GCD » Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:55 pm

We send handwritten thank you notes and force our kids to send them too. I think it's a generational thing. Nobody uses the mail for anything anymore, why would a young person even think to use the US Mail for a thank you note when they don't use it for anything else? My kids would be happy to send a thank you text and probably wouldn't even need to be reminded to do that.

decapod10
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by decapod10 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:12 pm

I think handwritten thank you notes are still the norm for weddings.

Wedding invitations seem to be mostly electronic now though. I suspect RSVPs and dinner orders and that sort of thing are a lot easier to track that way.

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PalmQueen
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by PalmQueen » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:24 pm

Doom&Gloom wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:36 pm
Seems very parent-dependent to me.
Agreed and just a suggestion to the parents of young children reading this thread. If when your children are young, you encourage (require) them to make simple thank you notes for gifts they receive, you'll be gifting them a lifelong social skill.

Broken Man 1999
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:35 pm

DW has been writing thank you notes to all the neighbors who have made meals for us, and also those who have picked up groceries, or taken her to doctor appointments or therapy sessions.

Great bunch of neighbors, we all help each other when the need arises, as we are able. Lots of retirees in the 'hood.

Another reason we live in our way too big for just two people home. Of course the capped property taxes helps make our decision easy, as well.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by fru-gal » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:42 pm

Thank you notes are a sign of good manners.

None of my nieces and nephew send them. I don't think I even got email thank yous, although they are well into their thirties now, so I don't remember about the latter.

If I spend big bucks or put a lot of thought into a present, I would at least like to know it arrived. FedEx, UPS, USPS delivery notices are useless, since only the latter can be trusted to leave it at the correct address and that still leaves the possibility of porch pirates.

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8foot7
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by 8foot7 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:44 pm

For wedding gifts, yes, we sent out handwritten thank you notes; those are generally very generous gifts and deserve a measured, thoughtful response.

I'm not really on board with handwriting much these days though I do send handwritten TYs occasionally--for example someone hosted us at their beach house for a weekend and was very generous with wine and country club dining, so that was obviously worthy of a card and a small token of our appreciation.

I send a ton more thank-you messages via e-mail. Especially for birthday and Christmas gifts--you know the whole "no gift is ordinary" thing but the ordinary things, a $50 gift card or a tie or something. Maybe that is slightly less polite but honestly with two parents, three jobs, two kids, and everything else, sending that thank-you e-mail for minor gifts is about as good as it's going to get. That's especially true if that person and I generally exchange gifts of equal value on a consistent basis, making everyone's net gain (or loss) zero. I am sure that offends some people but they will just have to get over it. I think no less of thank-you e-mails that I receive; I appreciate someone sat down with the intention of specifically writing me with gratitude. It would be great if everyone else felt the same way. I know they don't. I will sleep well anyway.

I have my kids call grandparents, aunts, uncles, others who give them gifts and thank them for the gift and explain why they like it. I do not make them send handwritten thank-you notes for ordinary gifts; I let that call suffice. I am trying to get out of that extended family gift-exchange game for the most part so candidly anything I can do to reduce the willingness to continue is good.

For extraordinarily generous gifts, especially of time and experience (like taking my son out flying), I do make them write it out.

I won't send a specific thank-you to a neighbor but I will walk down a bottle of wine and let them know we appreciated their getting our mail while out of town or walking the dog. That kind of thing.

I think this whole phenomenon is going through a bit of a generational change. We should all live with gratitude and not be shy of expressing it, but the forms in which we do so are changing and I think that's ok.

PS. I do not send gifts to second (or third and so on) weddings that I do not attend, and I do not attend second weddings unless they are local and then I limit to $50-100 depending on closeness of relationship. Limited travel budget, kids, and those folks already got a nice gift from me the first time around. So no thank-you notes required there.

I also do not send gifts in response to the wedding announcements that you know are just fishing expeditions for cash. Your boss' daughter's cousin, or your aunt's stepson, or your best friend's brother's daughter. I'll send well wishes into the universe but I don't play that game.
Last edited by 8foot7 on Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:02 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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GerryL
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by GerryL » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:54 pm

You get a wedding announcement/invitation and send a gift. No thank you is forthcoming.
A year or two later you get a birth announcement from the same couple. You send a card.
This is known as operant conditioning.

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Housedoc
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Housedoc » Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:37 pm

Mixed bag of responses. No surprise. We made a strong statement to our boys during their High School and College gift receiving days. You accept it, you send a note. I am not losing sleep over this but was curious as to the status of notes these days. Hell a call or email is fine by me. Nothing just is impolite. Send me a $100 or more and I will send a handwritten note. Everyone please take me up on this generous offer!!

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by whodidntante » Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:40 pm

I get more thank you emails. Occasionally, I even get a thank you DM on here.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by TexasPE » Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:50 pm

fru-gal wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:42 pm
Thank you notes are a sign of good manners.... If I spend big bucks or put a lot of thought into a present, I would at least like to know it arrived.
+1000.

If the ordered gift isn't acknowledged, I ASK the gift recipient if the gift was received. After some stammering, I get a weak excuse about 'how busy they have been'. I had to ask two direct reports if they had received the gifts!

It's not just the money - I want to be sure they received the gift as my recognition of the special event in their lives.
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Gnirk » Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:55 pm

I always send thank you notes, and I do receive some thank you notes. I don't expect one, however, if the recipient thanks me verbally or by email or even text, these days. I guess you could say I'm thankful my gift has been acknowledged.

I guess I'm cranky in my old age, because if I don't receive a thank you note for a wedding, birthday, or Christmas gift, and the recipient hasn't acknowledged the gift (other than cashing the check), they won't be receiving any other gifts from me. If they can't take the time to thank me, then I'm not going to use my time and resources to give them a gift.

Yep, I'm cantankerous.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by bernoulli » Tue Jul 23, 2019 7:10 pm

For wedding gifts, we have received hand-written thank you notes as an acknowledgement. I always send hand-written thank you notes after an in person interview but have only received one hand-written thank you note in my career so far.

JoeJohnson
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by JoeJohnson » Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:12 pm

KirklandCoug wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm
Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.
Keeping a mental accounting of outstanding thank you notes is just as bad, if not worse, than the giftee not sending a thank you note.

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Sandtrap » Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:36 pm

Gnirk wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:55 pm
I always send thank you notes, and I do receive some thank you notes. I don't expect one, however, if the recipient thanks me verbally or by email or even text, these days. I guess you could say I'm thankful my gift has been acknowledged.

I guess I'm cranky in my old age, because if I don't receive a thank you note for a wedding, birthday, or Christmas gift, and the recipient hasn't acknowledged the gift (other than cashing the check), they won't be receiving any other gifts from me. If they can't take the time to thank me, then I'm not going to use my time and resources to give them a gift.

Yep, I'm cantankerous.
Something about good manners, integrity, ethics, and plain old "quid pro quo".

I send a prompt text and email for a gift received. If the gift was sent in the mail, I will "snail mail" a hand written thank you note written with a vintage fountain pen in 1988 Palmer Script. And, sometimes with a small gift in return.
I believe appreciation should be significantly and promptly expressed for those that take the effort to acknowledge that I exist and am worth taking the time to give a gift.

Do I expect the same from others, "quid pro quo", reciprocal?
I used to. But as time passes and protocols change, not so much.

Old fashioned Values and Norms.
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by AlohaJoe » Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:46 pm

JoeJohnson wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:12 pm
KirklandCoug wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm
Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.
Keeping a mental accounting of outstanding thank you notes is just as bad, if not worse, than the giftee not sending a thank you note.
Definitely worse. It means it came with strings attached and so was never really a gift in the first place.

Clemblack
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Clemblack » Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:31 pm

I can't imagine giving any thought to whether someone sent me a thank-you note for a wedding gift ... or for any gift.

CFM300
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by CFM300 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:51 pm

AlohaJoe wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:46 pm
JoeJohnson wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:12 pm
KirklandCoug wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm
Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.
Keeping a mental accounting of outstanding thank you notes is just as bad, if not worse, than the giftee not sending a thank you note.
Definitely worse. It means it came with strings attached and so was never really a gift in the first place.
Really? Expecting an acknowledgement of a gift is a "string" attached? How does the giver even know the gift was received?

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Tue Jul 23, 2019 11:00 pm

CFM300 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:51 pm
AlohaJoe wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:46 pm
JoeJohnson wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:12 pm
KirklandCoug wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm
Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.
Keeping a mental accounting of outstanding thank you notes is just as bad, if not worse, than the giftee not sending a thank you note.
Definitely worse. It means it came with strings attached and so was never really a gift in the first place.
Really? Expecting an acknowledgement of a gift is a "string" attached? How does the giver even know the gift was received?
+1

I expect a TYN for wedding and graduation gifts but not anything else. Although I expect one, I am seldom surprised if I don't receive one. And to my generation, an email, text, or phone call is not an acceptable substitute.

Some form of acknowledgement is expected for all gifts. I am not now, nor ever will be in the habit of writing TYNs for an airbnb, etc. Now get off my lawn!

Invest4lt
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by Invest4lt » Tue Jul 23, 2019 11:13 pm

Seems to be another generational issue. I can’t imagine expecting a mailed paper letter. Email or text can also adequately communicate thanks. To quote David Bowie, “ ch..ch..ch..changes...”

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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by AlohaJoe » Tue Jul 23, 2019 11:41 pm

CFM300 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:51 pm
Expecting [something] is a "string" attached?
Yes, that's pretty much the definition of "strings attached", when you expect something in return.

MathWizard
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by MathWizard » Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:43 am

I appreciate a thank you note, but no longer expect one for a graduation or wedding gift.
For myself, I don't go overboard on the gift, and it does not take much effort for me to write a check,
so I don't expect a lot of effort in return.

I send handwritten thank you notes on linen paper to those who have gone above and beyond for me.
This is generally in business or in my personal life. Somebody who came to help me move or do some heavy lifting
gets a thank you note. In business, someone who helps me significantly when it was not their job gets a thank you.
(Many more low paid administrative assistants get these. Monetary gifts among employees is frowned upon, (I guess
it looks like a bribe) but thank you notes are very well received.

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baconavocado
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by baconavocado » Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:29 am

fru-gal wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:42 pm
Thank you notes are a sign of good manners.

None of my nieces and nephew send them. I don't think I even got email thank yous, although they are well into their thirties now, so I don't remember about the latter.

If I spend big bucks or put a lot of thought into a present, I would at least like to know it arrived. FedEx, UPS, USPS delivery notices are useless, since only the latter can be trusted to leave it at the correct address and that still leaves the possibility of porch pirates.
Same here. Nieces and nephews on my side of the family almost never send thank yous, either handwritten or email. Nada tostada. I try to tell my wife it's a generational thing, then she points out that her side of the family sends them. It's important to my wife and since she's likely to outlive me and make all the decisions re: our estate, I think they may regret that. She has an excellent memory. OTOH, it's their choice.

alfaspider
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Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 4:44 pm

Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by alfaspider » Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:36 am

I wish this is a social convention that would die. I HATE giving or receiving thank-you notes for socially expected gifts (Birthdays, Births, Christmas, Weddings, Graduations). When I give a gift to a younger relative, I always tell them not to send a thank-you note.

Why? Because each of those events generate what amounts to a mountain of paperwork. It's one thing to write a nice note for an unexpected one-off kindness. It's another to have a pile of 50+ notes to write after a major life event. These rote acknowledgements are a chore that rarely builds any sort of genuine connection between gift giver and receiver.

I also dislike the practice for things like job interviews. It's a business transaction. You do not owe anyone a debt of gratitude.
Last edited by alfaspider on Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

alfaspider
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Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by alfaspider » Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:40 am

CFM300 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:51 pm
AlohaJoe wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:46 pm
JoeJohnson wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:12 pm
KirklandCoug wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm
Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.
Keeping a mental accounting of outstanding thank you notes is just as bad, if not worse, than the giftee not sending a thank you note.
Definitely worse. It means it came with strings attached and so was never really a gift in the first place.
Really? Expecting an acknowledgement of a gift is a "string" attached? How does the giver even know the gift was received?
It's 2019. Send it with a tracking number if you are so concerned about receipt.

truenorth418
Posts: 456
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2012 7:38 am

Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by truenorth418 » Wed Jul 24, 2019 2:41 am

alfaspider wrote:
Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:36 am
I wish this is a social convention that would die. I HATE giving or receiving thank-you notes for socially expected gifts (Birthdays, Births, Christmas, Weddings, Graduations). When I give a gift to a younger relative, I always tell them not to send a thank-you note.

Why? Because each of those events generate what amounts to a mountain of paperwork. It's one thing to write a nice note for an unexpected one-off kindness. It's another to have a pile of 50+ notes to write after a major life event. These rote acknowledgements are a chore that rarely builds any sort of genuine connection between gift giver and receiver.

I also dislike the practice for things like job interviews. It's a business transaction. You do not owe anyone a debt of gratitude.
When it comes to birthday, wedding and graduation gifts, I couldn't DIS-agree more. It has never been easier to acknowledge a gift with a thank-you. Email, text message, etc... all take a mere SECONDS. Hardly a "chore" to show consideration and acknowledgement in the digital age.

As for job interviews - I agree those are business transactions, and moreover, most of the time the decision has already been made by the hiring company almost immediately and by the time the candidate returns home anyway.

fru-gal
Posts: 1286
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2019 9:48 pm
Location: New England

Re: Thank you notes,,, out of favor these days?

Post by fru-gal » Wed Jul 24, 2019 6:39 am

alfaspider wrote:
Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:40 am
CFM300 wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:51 pm
AlohaJoe wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:46 pm
JoeJohnson wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:12 pm
KirklandCoug wrote:
Tue Jul 23, 2019 3:54 pm
Frankly it pisses me off when I don't get a thank you note. I tape graduation announcements to a window when I send a monetary gift. When a thank you note comes, the person is hen taken down. When school starts in the fall, I just look at the ones still taped to the window and wonder if they were grateful at all. I guess this is a pet peeve.
Keeping a mental accounting of outstanding thank you notes is just as bad, if not worse, than the giftee not sending a thank you note.
Definitely worse. It means it came with strings attached and so was never really a gift in the first place.
Really? Expecting an acknowledgement of a gift is a "string" attached? How does the giver even know the gift was received?
It's 2019. Send it with a tracking number if you are so concerned about receipt.
A tracking number guarantees nothing. In my experience it can mean Your package was left on a porch a block away.

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