Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

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DarkHelmetII
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Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by DarkHelmetII » Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:21 pm

I have two overnight trips (each one night) with a pregnant wife who is due early August. We have a 3 year old. No family in town. If wife goes into labor while I am out of town at a minimum somebody needs to watch the 3 year old until I get back.

How have others solved this? Overnight nanny?

Dopey
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by Dopey » Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:25 pm

When I’ve been in this scenario, firstly my wife forbid me from traveling.

Secondly, do a few dry runs with the kid by visiting some friends you trust. They can stay there till family gets in town.

sksbog
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by sksbog » Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:28 pm

Dopey wrote:
Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:25 pm
When I’ve been in this scenario, firstly my wife forbid me from traveling.

Secondly, do a few dry runs with the kid by visiting some friends you trust. They can stay there till family gets in town.
+1 , no job is more important to make me travel this time.

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ram
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by ram » Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:39 pm

When a service may be required but there is no guarantee that it will be required you need somebody to be "on call".
Hospitals deal with this situation all the time by having physicians on call.

I assume that there would be some nannies willing to take call for the appropriate price and the higher "work rate" will kick in if and when they are actually called in to perform the service.
Ram

Arabesque
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by Arabesque » Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:42 pm

About 20 years ago, a friend called me and asked me to spend the night. Her husband was traveling, and her obstetric exam revealed some dilation. This was a bit early, but not imminent. The MD wasn’t overly concerned, but she had gone fast with her first child, and she did want to be prepared.

Of course I went, thinking it a bit dramatic. About 3:00 am she woke me up. Her water had broken, the hospital notified, the neighbor was there to babysit, and could I drive her to the hospital? She offered to stop for coffee on the way. I was at the (very quick) delivery of her beautiful girl.

So it’s unlikely you will miss the delivery, but you might. Even if you do, things will in all probably go smoothly.

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Watty
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by Watty » Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:48 pm

Get someone else at work to do the trip for you.

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JonnyDVM
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by JonnyDVM » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:00 pm

Pay to fly a family member in for a few days if they are willing just in case. We paid our nanny extra to come in the middle of the night when it was time. Do you have a sitter you occasionally use? They might be willing to be on call for a nice fee. I would be willing to pay pretty much any price for this peace of mind.

Also, consider upping your life insurance. If you miss the birth of your child because you were working, you are a dead man.
Last edited by JonnyDVM on Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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delamer
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by delamer » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:06 pm

How are you planning to get care for the 3 year old if you are in town when your wife goes into labor and you both need to go to the hospital?

sambb
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by sambb » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:10 pm

Not sure this is a personal consumer issue. I would not leave town however.

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Cycle
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by Cycle » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:14 pm

Congrats, sounds like the baby will be born on one of two days. Seriously, plan for the worst. Have your hospital bag packed a month ahead. My wifes water broke two weeks early with no warning. No contractions. We had the baby in arms 3hrs later.

I traveled for a business trip the previous week, which in hindsight was dumb as the baby was born like four days later.
Last edited by Cycle on Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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livesoft
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by livesoft » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:15 pm

We have friends & neighbors that have always been happy to help out. I suggest that if you have no friends and neighbors, then get some. Seriously, family is not necessary in this case and neither is cancelling your trip.

And we've helped so many friends and neighbors out in similar and worse situations over the years that I've lost count.
Last edited by livesoft on Mon Jul 01, 2019 9:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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OnTrack2020
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by OnTrack2020 » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:50 pm

Neighbor--most neighbors are more than willing to help out in this situation
Church--if you attend a church, would someone in church be willing to help?
Preschool--if your child is in pre-school, would another parent be willing to help out?

There are probably plenty of people who would be willing to help in this situation.

Katietsu
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by Katietsu » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:51 pm

I had a friend in a similar situation who was living in a town for just a one year training program. We had a great visit the weekend her husband had an out of town engagement about 3 weeks before her due date. Any friend or family who would be willing to visit and fill in as needed?

Just thinking outside the box, you might approach a doula who would be willing to be on call or stay with your wife as needed for those nights.

motorcyclesarecool
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by motorcyclesarecool » Mon Jul 01, 2019 10:05 pm

1. Try to get out of work trip. If you cannot, then that employer has unreasonable expectations. Doesn’t get you out of this bind, though.
2. Fly a relative out, if possible. Of course, this answer is so obvious, that you probably wouldn’t be asking if it were feasible for you. Extended family relationships can be difficult. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
3. As you already know, the hospital has everything a laboring mother needs and then some. We didn’t have a bag packed. When my wife’s water broke a month early, I shoved a bathrobe, phone charger, iPad, a change of clothes for me, and “going home” outfits for mother and child into a very empty roll aboard suitcase. We departed the hospital with the suitcase packed full of the stuff they gave us to take home. All that to say, I’ll bet you a signed dollar bill that the hospital has a protocol for what they will do if you wife has to come to the hospital with your little one in tow and nobody to watch your three-year-old. Call up your obstetrician and find out what it is. The protocol may be sub-optimal, but most of life is. Guaranteed this isn’t the first time this has happened.
Understand that choosing an HDHP is very much a "red pill" approach. Most would rather pay higher premiums for a $20 copay per visit. They will think you weird for choosing an HSA.

quantAndHold
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by quantAndHold » Mon Jul 01, 2019 10:58 pm

Unless you’re the starting quarterback on a NFL team, get out of the work trips. Nobody’s job is that important.

And if you have the money, fly your wife’s parents out to help for a couple of weeks.

aude
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by aude » Tue Jul 02, 2019 1:19 am

Dad of three with high stake job says: Don’t travel. If there is a boss who can’t handle it, fib and say there is a medical condition makes it touch and go. I dare the boss to ask for details.

Ophiuchus
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by Ophiuchus » Tue Jul 02, 2019 10:36 pm

Same boat as you. My friend will help out if I am gone with the toddler and U should be able to make it in 2.5 hours back if she is in labor

MrBobcat
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by MrBobcat » Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:00 pm

DarkHelmetII wrote:
Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:21 pm

How have others solved this? Overnight nanny?
First time we dropped our daughter off at a friends, next go round we dropped daughter and son off at a neighbors both of whom were asked ahead of time if it would be okay when the time came. If I wasn't going to be there I'm sure we could have arranged a trip to the hospital with our friends and neighbors too.

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leeks
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by leeks » Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:46 pm

delamer wrote:
Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:06 pm
How are you planning to get care for the 3 year old if you are in town when your wife goes into labor and you both need to go to the hospital?
+1 You need a child care plan anyway even if you don't go out of town.

The best case is your oldest child is able to remain at home (labor could begin at night and you don't want to have to move a sleeping kid) so you need someone to come to your house, preferably who lives nearby. Two-parent families of another child the same age as your older one are logistically the best bet (two parents means one of them can leave the house at night). Does your child go to any preschool or daycare? If so those are the obvious people to ask. If not, there must be some other families you know from music or swim classes or church or because they live on your block or something. Talk to several of them, get their phone numbers, and have a list of who you can call. Assure them that you will return the favor if they have another child (or some other time they need babysitting in the future).

For the birth of our 2nd, I had a list of neighbors knowing who was available which days based on work schedules and such, with backups in case one wasn't available as expected or didn't answer a phone in time. It worked out that a family on our block, with a child the same age as (and in preschool with) our oldest, sent one of the parents over to spend the night with our child while waiting for my mother to come to town (she was 6-8 hour drive away).

We *always* make a point to offer to be on the "call list" for other families in the neighborhood expecting their 2nd (or Nth) child. I usually bring it up as it is surprising how many parents don't realize they need this until late in the pregnancy. So far I've never been the one to get the call for another family but I am more than willing. I'm sure somewhere in your extended circle you have people like me, you just need to ask.

Now you going out of town I see as a different question. In that case, I think you need two phone lists. List 1 is people who could come to your house to watch your child. List 2 is people who could substitute for you as a birthing partner if you really miss the birth (a friend, preferably who has also given birth before).

A doula team is probably the answer if you really have to hire someone. The doula can serve as the birthing partner and likely has someone on the team who could do child care (another doula who is not busy or one in training or something). Their business model is set up for the idea that they might get a call whenever. But it would be much better for your child to be with someone who is already familiar.

MathWizard
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by MathWizard » Wed Jul 03, 2019 12:18 am

aude wrote:
Tue Jul 02, 2019 1:19 am
Dad of three with high stake job says: Don’t travel. If there is a boss who can’t handle it, fib and say there is a medical condition makes it touch and go. I dare the boss to ask for details.
I would either fly your MIL if she is amenable, or avoid the trip.
As the boss, I worked around such situations. I cross-train employees, since it is not wise to be solely dependent on any one employee for anything. The backup may not do as good s job, but it is at an acceptable level. Even I am replaceable, though my backup will not do as thorough a job.


If the boss objects, FMLA applies for imminent birth of a child. You can check with HR on that if you want.

If the boss tried to retaliate, the business can get in trouble big time,since they would be breaking a federal law.
For me as a manager, the first time I hear of such a situation from an employee, HR requires that I infirm them that they have rights under FMLA and to contact HR if they want to avail themselves of that, and they will help with required paperwork.

They do not have to pay you under FMLA, but my employer allows the use of accumulated sick leave.

FI4LIFE
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by FI4LIFE » Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:09 am

I refuse to give you advice on this because there are few reasons I can think of where I would risk missing the birth of my children and they all involve life or death situations. C'mon man!

JediMisty
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Re: Traveling Overnight / Wife Near-Term / No Family In Town - how to handle

Post by JediMisty » Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:16 am

FI4LIFE wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:09 am
I refuse to give you advice on this because there are few reasons I can think of where I would risk missing the birth of my children and they all involve life or death situations. C'mon man!
+1

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