Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities
anil686
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by anil686 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:59 am

I agree with the sentiment that nothing really changes in your social life between work and retirement - you are who you are when you work and the same when you retire. The only thing that changes is the time. If you had hobbies or interests while working - now would be the time to explore those and "invest" in those with both time and money. A good example is travel - there are several travel options for singles, older and younger. If you are married, consider investing in your relationship and doing different things - travel, cooking, gardening. If as a couple you enjoy doing things together - explore those more - you now have the time and money to do it.

Last, expand your social boundaries a bit. It is not that different than food in many respects. I meet lots of patients who eat the same things (like most of us) every day. Many have never had International cuisine of any kind - not because they cannot afford it and not because it is not available (I live in a major metro) - but simply they have never tried it. Much of this is the inertia of knowing what we know and is "comfortable" vs taking a chance and trying something new - with no guarantees that it will be as good or comfortable as the traditional options we like. I am not suggesting changing your whole lifestyle - but maybe push yourself further into hobbies or interests than you may be doing. For example, I love movies - a suggestion would be to take a local college film class (sit in or pay for it) and hang out with people who love movies. Some will be students but you may run into the occasional person like yourself just learning more about film. Or start going to see independent films at a local theater - find out from the theater when the real film buffs show up and go see movies with them. After a while - you may get to know some of them and be able to hang out and talk movies.

Hope it helps...

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DanMahowny
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by DanMahowny » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:01 am

HomerJ wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:05 am
"I got dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I'm buying."

-Styx - "Too Much Time on My Hands"
Best post I'll see all day, no doubt.
Funding secured

BigMoneyNoWhammies
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by BigMoneyNoWhammies » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:20 am

AlohaJoe wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 am
Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life.
A lot of people say this when they retire but I don't think it is true. You have exactly the same social life now as you had before you quit working. Social life is what happens outside of work. 5pm to 9am. Saturday & Sunday. You see your friends (or don't see them) exactly the same now as you did before.

Anyway, I found that when I retired I was able to see my friends more often because I could say things like "hey, why don't we grab a coffee on Tuesday at 10:30am or whenever you have a break" or "hey, let's grab lunch on Thursday".
+1.

You have just as much of a social life, you just aren't occupied for the majority of your day with employment like all your other friends are. This leaves you plenty of time to enjoy the things you wish you had time for back when you were working but couldn't fit in at the time.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by azanon » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:27 am

Ged wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:07 am
lostdog wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:24 am
It doesn't matter what other people think. Once you master this, you'll be set free.
Best comment in the history of the internet.

Beats even 'if you're not paying for the product, you are the product' by blue_beetle on Metafilter at 1:41 PM on August 26, 2010.
Catchy sounding, and wouldn't it be neat if it were true? There's no opting out, unfortunately. I'm personally a fan of the book "48 Laws of Power", and virtually every law is dependent on what other's think. And one of the laws arguably cautions against this viewpoint: "Law 18: Do not build fortresses to protect yourself - Isolation is dangerous". So anyone with that view would have to be in almost virtual, complete disagreement with Robert Greene, and Robert certainly makes quite a strong case for his views.

Hikes_With_Dogs
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Hikes_With_Dogs » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:31 am

If not a troll then...


- join meetup.com and find groups with your hobby interests. Ideas: Chess club, cross fit, hiking, open water swimming, etc.

- join facebook groups. For instance, I'm in a PNW hiking group. There are ALWAYS posts about people wanting to hike on Tuesday at 9AM because they work weekends. Sadly, I'm reading the post from work.

- walk dogs on Rover. It'll give you something to do.

- work as a barista 2 days a week. You'll talk to lots of people.

- Volunteer: ASPCA, senior citizen groups, soup kitchens, libraries, etc.

- Travel and stay in hostels and meet new people.

blackcat allie
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by blackcat allie » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:39 am

MiddleOfTheRoad wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:42 am
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.
Just my opinion.
I am not calling anyone names. I am happy for OP if everything is true.
But every time I see a new poster with a vague post with no specifics, I think someone is trying to brainstorm for a blog post somewhere to monetize. Especially if he/she does not come back often to nurse the thread.

This struck me similarly, with some wonderful ideas and insights as responses. (Though I initially thought of it as a good thing, not intellectual property theft. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway thanks for great ideas, good discussion
“Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.” - Daniel Kahneman

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FrugalInvestor
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by FrugalInvestor » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:52 am

renue74 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:30 am
BTW, I also know some retired folks who watch reruns of Gunsmoke and chain smoke. Don't do that.
Hey, there's nothing wrong with Gunsmoke! :happy
IGNORE the noise! | Our life is frittered away by detail... simplify, simplify. - Henry David Thoreau

fposte
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by fposte » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:00 am

BigMoneyNoWhammies wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:20 am
AlohaJoe wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 am
Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life.
A lot of people say this when they retire but I don't think it is true. You have exactly the same social life now as you had before you quit working. Social life is what happens outside of work. 5pm to 9am. Saturday & Sunday. You see your friends (or don't see them) exactly the same now as you did before.

Anyway, I found that when I retired I was able to see my friends more often because I could say things like "hey, why don't we grab a coffee on Tuesday at 10:30am or whenever you have a break" or "hey, let's grab lunch on Thursday".
You have just as much of a social life, you just aren't occupied for the majority of your day with employment like all your other friends are. This leaves you plenty of time to enjoy the things you wish you had time for back when you were working but couldn't fit in at the time.
Though work is also a social connection to other people. I've been thinking about this aspect of retirement myself; I'm an introvert, but I like the people with whom I work, and we get to know each other pretty well. That "dailiness" of knowledge can be a hard thing to lose; it may not be deep friendship, but it's more than surface level intimacy

I think finding other routines can help with that; that's a different way of saying what's already been said, but IME doing the same thing with the same people, whether it be breakfast regulars or co-volunteers, can help provide some of that anchoring.

bernoulli
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by bernoulli » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:07 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
First of all, congratulations on achieving so much financial success at such a young age.

As to your inquiry, I think you do have friends - you said so, it's just that they don't have as much free time as you do. So you have done well in cultivating meaningful friendships. So the symptom really is you "have very little social life" as a result of your abundant free time. I call it a symptom because I think the cause of the symptom is you are bored? Please pardon my lack of a better word. You have worked hard all your life, studied, thought, planned, and now you don't have to do much of it because you have reached Everest. Many fellow BHs who replied here have suggested going back to work or volunteering (like at an animal shelter) because that would again give you a schedule and a purpose so your life again has a goal, a focal point. After all, us humans never had the luxury of lounging all day throughout history, we are not built for it, both mentally and physically.

What did you like to do when you were little, like 8 or 10? If you liked music, maybe pick up an instrument or singing or composing. If you liked archaeology (I did), take a few courses (online or on campus) in that subject. If you cannot think of anything, consider traveling with a tour group. I recommend G tours because their tour groups are small and they have various activity levels. For example, if you like hiking or biking, they have tours around the world for that. National Geographic or the Smithsonian has tours led by experts in the location/culture. For example, you can go to the Galapagos island with a professor whose life has been devoted to studying the ecosystem on that island.

So what I am saying is that "social life" might be one way to solve your problem (a great problem to have) but there are other ways, like learning a new skill, instrument, language, travel the world, help others, volunteer, or just go back to work. You might find working more enjoyable now that you don't have to rely on the paycheck.

THY4373
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by THY4373 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:12 am

fposte wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:00 am

Though work is also a social connection to other people. I've been thinking about this aspect of retirement myself; I'm an introvert, but I like the people with whom I work, and we get to know each other pretty well. That "dailiness" of knowledge can be a hard thing to lose; it may not be deep friendship, but it's more than surface level intimacy

I think finding other routines can help with that; that's a different way of saying what's already been said, but IME doing the same thing with the same people, whether it be breakfast regulars or co-volunteers, can help provide some of that anchoring.
I agree work is a major social connection/interaction for me. As an introvert I like people but they also drain my energy over time. I find while I really enjoy the folks I work with all the human interaction tends to drain me such that I don't maintain a lot of outside work connections these days. Sometimes I come home and I am so glad it is just me so I can have my alone time to recharge my energy. However, as I get closer to retirement I am going to have to find activities and social circles outside of work.
Last edited by THY4373 on Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

sschoe2
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by sschoe2 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:12 am

Consider bicycling. I belong to 2 clubs and they moderate to long rides almost every day. Of course most are in the >50 age bracket.

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Ged
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Ged » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:14 am

azanon wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:27 am

Catchy sounding, and wouldn't it be neat if it were true? There's no opting out, unfortunately. I'm personally a fan of the book "48 Laws of Power", and virtually every law is dependent on what other's think. And one of the laws arguably cautions against this viewpoint: "Law 18: Do not build fortresses to protect yourself - Isolation is dangerous". So anyone with that view would have to be in almost virtual, complete disagreement with Robert Greene, and Robert certainly makes quite a strong case for his views.
Not everyone is a fan of "48 Laws of Power". There have been some pretty harsh criticisms of this book. Here is one:

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-revi ... -of-power/

Ultimately if you are financially independent I think you have little need for the power games that Greene talks about. Greene's rules are for those who have not already won the game.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by mac808 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:24 am

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
It's not a troll sentiment - tech has made many (tens of thousands) young people independently wealthy very quickly and this can be a very real existential dilemma for them. The most common solution I've seen is to go back to work in some way, shape, or form, either for themselves (if they are entrepreneurial minded) or for a team they respect in a market they enjoy. Among high achievers work is highly social and, from my observations, remains so throughout your life.

azanon
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by azanon » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:26 am

Ged wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:14 am
azanon wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:27 am

Catchy sounding, and wouldn't it be neat if it were true? There's no opting out, unfortunately. I'm personally a fan of the book "48 Laws of Power", and virtually every law is dependent on what other's think. And one of the laws arguably cautions against this viewpoint: "Law 18: Do not build fortresses to protect yourself - Isolation is dangerous". So anyone with that view would have to be in almost virtual, complete disagreement with Robert Greene, and Robert certainly makes quite a strong case for his views.
Not everyone is a fan of "48 Laws of Power". There have been some pretty harsh criticisms of this book. Here is one:

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-revi ... -of-power/

Ultimately if you are financially independent I think you have little need for the power games that Greene talks about. Greene's rules are for those who have not already won the game.
Oh sure - plenty of people hate the book, for reasons that don't take much imagination to deduce.

You may just disagree with Greene (and me). I think reputation matters a lot, no matter who you are. You're certainly entitled to not agree with me on that though.

I don't mind the disagreement, to be completely honest. One's power is always relative to everyone else's. So I guess I kind of need people to not follow that book for it to have any value.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by miamivice » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:41 am

mac808 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:24 am
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
It's not a troll sentiment - tech has made many (tens of thousands) young people independently wealthy very quickly and this can be a very real existential dilemma for them. The most common solution I've seen is to go back to work in some way, shape, or form, either for themselves (if they are entrepreneurial minded) or for a team they respect in a market they enjoy. Among high achievers work is highly social and, from my observations, remains so throughout your life.
If he indeed retired early at 35 using Boglehead strategy, he could share how to ended up where he is. There are plenty of other people on this forum that could learn from him, if he was willing to share.
Last edited by miamivice on Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by TheOscarGuy » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:42 am

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
I agree. the OP has posted two posts and has not contributed again after that. I don't think they are being serious.

retiredjg
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by retiredjg » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am

Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:

InMyDreams
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by InMyDreams » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:58 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation.
The same can be true for people who do shift work - they're off while others are working, and vice versa. Also, if you are single, and the people you meet and know are in full-swing family life right now - they probably don't have time for you.

Cultivate friends who do shift work? They may have more time in the day to do things with you - hike, bike, museums, etc.

Can you get involved in supporting a friend's family? Get the kids to soccer practice, be a coach for the soccer team, and so on.

And, yes, volunteer, or take classes, or travel. I'm volunteering in my profession, and am actually thinking about paying for a class in the specific sub-field I'm volunteering in. Kinda crazy, but I like what I'm doing - so far, anyway.

Oh - volunteer with VITA or TaxAide next year. Nice group of peeps :)

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by samsoes » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:00 pm

retiredjg wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am
Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:
My thoughts exactly. Some regular folks here aren't very trusting, are they?
"Happiness Is Not My Companion" - Gen. Gouverneur K. Warren. | (Avatar is the statue of Gen. Warren atop Little Round Top @ Gettysburg National Military Park.)

mac808
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by mac808 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:01 pm

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:41 am
mac808 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:24 am
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
It's not a troll sentiment - tech has made many (tens of thousands) young people independently wealthy very quickly and this can be a very real existential dilemma for them. The most common solution I've seen is to go back to work in some way, shape, or form, either for themselves (if they are entrepreneurial minded) or for a team they respect in a market they enjoy. Among high achievers work is highly social and, from my observations, remains so throughout your life.
If he indeed retired early at 35 using Boglehead strategy, he could share how to ended up here he is. There are plenty of other people on this forum that could learn from him, if he was willing to share.
It's not a secret. Get a job in tech. It sounds cliche but good software developers are like physicians who start work at 22 instead of 32-37. Make $250k in a HCOL but live in cheap accommodations and eat gourmet food for free at work. Spend extra time outside work consulting or developing side projects, either one of them takes off or you have a nice additional income stream. Save $150k/year and invest per Bogleheads. With some luck, you'll hit 35 with at least a couple million dollars in the bank. Move to LCOL and enjoy dramatically increased quality of life, either retiring or keeping the job and telecommuting with no decrease in salary.

miamivice
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by miamivice » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:08 pm

mac808 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:01 pm
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:41 am
mac808 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:24 am
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
It's not a troll sentiment - tech has made many (tens of thousands) young people independently wealthy very quickly and this can be a very real existential dilemma for them. The most common solution I've seen is to go back to work in some way, shape, or form, either for themselves (if they are entrepreneurial minded) or for a team they respect in a market they enjoy. Among high achievers work is highly social and, from my observations, remains so throughout your life.
If he indeed retired early at 35 using Boglehead strategy, he could share how to ended up here he is. There are plenty of other people on this forum that could learn from him, if he was willing to share.
It's not a secret. Get a job in tech. It sounds cliche but good software developers are like physicians who start work at 22 instead of 32-37. Make $250k in a HCOL but live in cheap accommodations and eat gourmet food for free at work. Spend extra time outside work consulting or developing side projects, either one of them takes off or you have a nice additional income stream. Save $150k/year and invest per Bogleheads. With some luck, you'll hit 35 with at least a couple million dollars in the bank. Move to LCOL and enjoy dramatically increased quality of life, either retiring or keeping the job and telecommuting with no decrease in salary.
OK. I guess I chose the wrong occupation since I'll have to work to 55.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by bertilak » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:16 pm

Well, we haven't heard back from the OP so perhaps he found some other way to entertain himself!
May neither drought nor rain nor blizzard disturb the joy juice in your gizzard. -- Squire Omar Barker, the Cowboy Poet

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by samsoes » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:19 pm

My goodness. Tough crowd. The OP is looking for friends. Looks like he/she is having a tough time finding friends among some folks here.
"Happiness Is Not My Companion" - Gen. Gouverneur K. Warren. | (Avatar is the statue of Gen. Warren atop Little Round Top @ Gettysburg National Military Park.)

mac808
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by mac808 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:22 pm

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:08 pm
mac808 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:01 pm
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:41 am
mac808 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:24 am
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
It's not a troll sentiment - tech has made many (tens of thousands) young people independently wealthy very quickly and this can be a very real existential dilemma for them. The most common solution I've seen is to go back to work in some way, shape, or form, either for themselves (if they are entrepreneurial minded) or for a team they respect in a market they enjoy. Among high achievers work is highly social and, from my observations, remains so throughout your life.
If he indeed retired early at 35 using Boglehead strategy, he could share how to ended up here he is. There are plenty of other people on this forum that could learn from him, if he was willing to share.
It's not a secret. Get a job in tech. It sounds cliche but good software developers are like physicians who start work at 22 instead of 32-37. Make $250k in a HCOL but live in cheap accommodations and eat gourmet food for free at work. Spend extra time outside work consulting or developing side projects, either one of them takes off or you have a nice additional income stream. Save $150k/year and invest per Bogleheads. With some luck, you'll hit 35 with at least a couple million dollars in the bank. Move to LCOL and enjoy dramatically increased quality of life, either retiring or keeping the job and telecommuting with no decrease in salary.
OK. I guess I chose the wrong occupation since I'll have to work to 55.
If maximizing income is your goal, you may have chosen the wrong occupation, who knows. Do you like what you do? Do you have aptitudes for other jobs or careers that are higher paying? Given aptitude, you can retrain to be a software developer in a couple years studying nights and weekends. If it's not for you, then you could take what you do and start a small business and have higher income potential than working for someone else. There's a lot of opportunity out there for ambitious people who want to maximize income (NOT everyone's goal). I was just pointing out that tech is well-tread path that's easier to follow now and gets one to that particular finish line.

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bertilak
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by bertilak » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:24 pm

samsoes wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:19 pm
My goodness. Tough crowd. The OP is looking for friends. Looks like he/she is having a tough time finding friends among some folks here.
I didn't check the timestamps. I just saw that it was two pages long!

Best of luck to the OP. My contribution: Volunteer. Read the local paper to get ideas.
May neither drought nor rain nor blizzard disturb the joy juice in your gizzard. -- Squire Omar Barker, the Cowboy Poet

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dm200
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by dm200 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:38 pm

I have a somewhat reverse situation.

Now in my early 70's, due to an unfortunate "perfect storm" of bad things, my financial situation is such that I am now working part time (20 hours a week) and will probably do so for years to come. It is fine (at least for now) - and I find my fellow employees are mostly young enough to be my children or grandchildren. My boss is about half my age - about the same age as my son.

Fortunately, it seems to be ok - and I seem to get along with others just fine. I hope it keeps up.

Our financial situation would not be as "significant" is my wife had chosen to continue working or had gone back to work after our son was old enough to be in school most of the time. For various reasons, though, she chose to be a 'stay at home' spouse long after our son was gone from the house.

I suggest going back to "work" in some sort of capacity - in something that you would enjoy. It might be a volunteer "job" in some kind of organization - such as a hospital. Maybe in some kind of school?

Maybe public service or politics?

Maybe in some kind of religious setting?

What kind of "work" enabled you to retire at 35?

If I were not working part time, I might be in a somewhat similar semi-isolated situation, although my wife is good at maintaining a social network from some of the volunteer things she does.

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dm200
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by dm200 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:41 pm

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
if I were in your situation, I don't think I would want to find "peers" - rich younger folks doing "nothing".

I wonder if some professional athletes might be folks in similar situations?

fareastwarriors
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by fareastwarriors » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 pm

If you're in the east bay of the San Francisco area, I can hang. I'm in my 30s with plenty of free time and no day job. :sharebeer

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dm200
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by dm200 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:45 pm

Going back a while, this is what one wealthy (from inheritance) woman chose to do:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katharine_Drexel

As a young and wealthy woman, Drexel made her social debut in 1878. However, watching her stepmother's three-year struggle with terminal cancer taught her the Drexel money could not buy safety from pain or death.

fposte
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by fposte » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:47 pm

fareastwarriors wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 pm
If you're in the east bay of the San Francisco area, I can hang. I'm in my 30s with plenty of free time and no day job. :sharebeer
Looks like there's a Bay Area Bogleheads group, in fact. Might be one way to find some like-minded folks (if the OP is in the Bay Area, that is).

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Lowlim
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Lowlim » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:56 pm

samsoes wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:00 pm
retiredjg wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am
Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:
My thoughts exactly. Some regular folks here aren't very trusting, are they?
I posted last night and went to bed afterwards. Just logging on now and catching up on all the posts. Got a lot more responses than I expected. Thanks to all the provided suggestions and insights.

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dm200
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by dm200 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:58 pm

Start your own "Foundation" and run it.

Pick a charitable cause that you are (or can be) passionate about.

investingdad
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by investingdad » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:06 pm

retiredjg wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am
Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:
Well it's not like he's at work.

Hahaha. Sorry.

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Lowlim
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Lowlim » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:12 pm

dm200 wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:41 pm
Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
if I were in your situation, I don't think I would want to find "peers" - rich younger folks doing "nothing".

I wonder if some professional athletes might be folks in similar situations?
I have always lived frugally, and am now in a situation where I can continue living a similar lifestyle without working. I'm not at all opposed to making friends with "rich younger folks," but I'm not in that type of financial situation. In fact, I think of myself as more on a fixed income now than when I was working.

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Lowlim
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Lowlim » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:15 pm

fposte wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:47 pm
fareastwarriors wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 pm
If you're in the east bay of the San Francisco area, I can hang. I'm in my 30s with plenty of free time and no day job. :sharebeer
Looks like there's a Bay Area Bogleheads group, in fact. Might be one way to find some like-minded folks (if the OP is in the Bay Area, that is).
Great suggestion. I'll see if there is a boglehead group in my area.

nexesn
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by nexesn » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:16 pm

investingdad wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:06 pm
retiredjg wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am
Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:
Well it's not like he's at work.

Hahaha. Sorry.
Funny sarcasm.

You know, for a forum who's mantra is sit and hold, they sure are being impatient with getting a response from the OP :D :D :D :D :D

MiddleOfTheRoad
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by MiddleOfTheRoad » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:17 pm

samsoes wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:00 pm
retiredjg wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am
Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:
My thoughts exactly. Some regular folks here aren't very trusting, are they?
None of us are trusting around here. That is why we DYI instead of using an advisor. And, we back test everything to death when there are any new ideas. :D

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by surfstar » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:18 pm

Pick a nice day, go down to the beach, mid-day, mid-week and I'm always surprised at the number and age of people there. I'd love to take a poll and ask "What do you do that allows you to be here right now?"
This is especially true when the "surf is up" - amazing to always find a crowd. Usually lots of "sick" people, I'd wager. (Not being critical - I'm happy when I'm one of them, BTW)

OP - you retired "from something", not "to something". If it was me/us - we'd take our newfound time and spend it traveling and doing the things that we love to do on the weekends, but wouldn't have to stop to come back to work!

Enjoy. Sounds like nice problem to have.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by InMyDreams » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:23 pm

Lowlim wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:15 pm

Great suggestion. I'll see if there is a boglehead group in my area.
Mustachians also have a meet up plan:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/meetu ... 847p57ajag

I would add - I have a friend who retired at age 70 - and hated it. It's taken her several years to find a pattern to her life again.

Two friends and I, on the hand, seem pretty content, and have been filling our days with our interests, and enjoying less stress :)

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celia
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by celia » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:27 pm

In another thread a while ago, someone suggested getting a dog and walk him twice a day as a way to meet people. There's something about an animal that some people go out of their way to meet it and you.

I had a next door neighbor for a while who loved animals and used to work for a veterinarian. When she worked in her front yard, every person walking by with an animal was known to her and all the animals came up to her for a hug.

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Lowlim
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Lowlim » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:34 pm

MiddleOfTheRoad wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:17 pm
samsoes wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:00 pm
retiredjg wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:49 am
Goodness gracious! The first post was only about 12 hours ago!

:oops:
My thoughts exactly. Some regular folks here aren't very trusting, are they?
None of us are trusting around here. That is why we DYI instead of using an advisor. And, we back test everything to death when there are any new ideas. :D
For whatever it's worth, I'll say that I'm not trolling and my post is genuine. I'm hesitant to respond to those that are pressuring me to prove myself as I don't want to distract from the original purpose of this post. If my relatively young age is bothering anyone, perhaps you can pretend that I'm 45 instead of 35. Maybe that will make it easier to provide constructive feedback. For the record, I did leave my job at 35, ~9 months ago.

Starfish
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Starfish » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:43 pm

azanon wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:51 am
AlohaJoe wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 am
Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life.
A lot of people say this when they retire but I don't think it is true. You have exactly the same social life now as you had before you quit working. Social life is what happens outside of work. 5pm to 9am. Saturday & Sunday. You see your friends (or don't see them) exactly the same now as you did before.

Anyway, I found that when I retired I was able to see my friends more often because I could say things like "hey, why don't we grab a coffee on Tuesday at 10:30am or whenever you have a break" or "hey, let's grab lunch on Thursday".
Great response and I agree with it.

I'll personally add, don't make the mistake of thinking those people at work are your friends. Everyone at work is actually in competition with each other, whether they realize/acknowledge it or not. And that person being nice to you? They probably have a reason they're doing it, and one of those isn't because they're your friend.
Wow, {edit by Moderator Jbranx} you have to run out from that place.
All the friends I made after graduating are from work and some are really good friends. We go in vacation together, hang out in weekends, visit each other and go to parties, hiking etc go out for lunches even though some went at some point to different companies.
This "competition" view of the workplace reminds me of the people who believe stock market is a zero sum game and if somebody wins somebody else has to lose.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by quantAndHold » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:45 pm

I think my biggest need when I first retired was structure during the daytime. At the end of the day, I would have sat at my computer all day and not accomplished anything or met anyone. Going to the gym, taking classes that met during the daytime, volunteering, etc, helped me both create some structure, and meet other people who didn’t work during the day. A lot of them are older, but plenty of them are not. The people I meet during daytime activities are the ones who have time to have lunch or play tennis or go for a bike ride.

During the first year I had lunch with work friends from time to time, but now I’ve moved on and have new friends.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by alfaspider » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:47 pm

surfstar wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:18 pm
Pick a nice day, go down to the beach, mid-day, mid-week and I'm always surprised at the number and age of people there. I'd love to take a poll and ask "What do you do that allows you to be here right now?"
This is especially true when the "surf is up" - amazing to always find a crowd. Usually lots of "sick" people, I'd wager. (Not being critical - I'm happy when I'm one of them, BTW)

There are also a decent number of "staycations." Many people have days off from work and either don't want to travel or can't afford to. That and people on non-traditional work schedules (of which there are many).

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dm200
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by dm200 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:50 pm

Start by going to the gym - nearly every day - between 6 and 7 am

Meet folks there.

Sign up for classes, such as Spinning.

If located where tourists visit, become a tour guide.

Sign up for an online dating or matchmaking service. I might not disclose all of the favorable financial details about your situation.

Go on a cruise. I don't think they exist any more (check) but some kind of long, around the world (or part way) that would have folks your age.

Volunteer to "work" in some third world country for a while - such as Haiti - here is one organization https://www.fonkoze.org/ and here is another https://raisinghaiti.org/ and yet another https://ufondwa.org/
Last edited by dm200 on Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

megabad
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by megabad » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:54 pm

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
I am not 30 and not retired, but congratulations, but I have a message for you---you aren't retired, you just have a new job. Your full time job now is to be happy and find friends. This takes work. Parts of my job require social interaction. In order to facilitate this, I have one rule: be interesting. What kind of people do you want as friends? What are their interests? Develop your knowledge/participation in these interests. In my case, this has meant:

1) Adult softball leagues
2) charity organizations
3) going to sports games (and scheduling when the group goes)
4) going to concerts (and inviting people to go with)
5) restaurant nights
6) painting houses
7) helping people move
8) grilling out
9) hosting giant fireworks nights

and the list goes on. Basically, you just have to always be "on". I go out to eat lunch at McDonald's and I will listen to folks and start up conversations with them. Be ready for the "what do you do" questions. I actually have the opposite problem, I have too many "friends" and I don't spend enough time developing them into really close relationships. Obviously, the time commitment and weird hours of my full time job (and theirs) are obstacles to this. I actually have pretty bad social anxiety so all this takes a big effort to me so I feel your pain. Good luck.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by shell921 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:39 pm

Hikes_With_Dogs wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:31 am
If not a troll then...


- join meetup.com and find groups with your hobby interests. Ideas: Chess club, cross fit, hiking, open water swimming, etc.

- join facebook groups. For instance, I'm in a PNW hiking group. There are ALWAYS posts about people wanting to hike on Tuesday at 9AM because they work weekends. Sadly, I'm reading the post from work.

- walk dogs on Rover. It'll give you something to do.

- work as a barista 2 days a week. You'll talk to lots of people.

- Volunteer: ASPCA, senior citizen groups, soup kitchens, libraries, etc.

- Travel and stay in hostels and meet new people.
+1

Join a sq dance group. Sq dancing is fun and good for your brain.

Watch MIT students doing it- it's very mathematical !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcWMp1tcn18

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TxAg
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by TxAg » Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:43 pm

Offer to meet people for lunch and pick up the tab. Breakfast, too.

It's a good way to interact during business hours.

You should volunteer as well. Lots of need for young energetic types.

FI4LIFE
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by FI4LIFE » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:03 pm

Nurses, firefighters, police officers, paramedics/EMTs, other medical professionals, teachers (summer), older retired people, stay-at-home parents are all home during "normal" working hours.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by lthenderson » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:35 pm

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.
In my case, I was able to stop working at 39 because I was part owner of a business and sold my shares. After cashing in my shares, I put them in a three fund portfolio recommended by Jack Bogle and have watched them grow ever since. I am definitely fortunate but I don't think unique by any means.

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