Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

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sawhorse
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Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by sawhorse » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm

Both of my parents are in their 70s. Last winter, after loads of nagging, they reluctantly agreed to pay people to shovel their snow.

Now they want to do it alone again and brushed me off when I told them not to. I think they feel like having someone shovel for them is another sign that they are getting old and losing their independence, and they hate that.

It's a pride issue more than a money issue, but they use money as an excuse.

They are expected to get 8+ inches of snow tomorrow. I've been pleading with them to hire someone, but they are being stubborn.

I'm very worried that something bad will happen physically. An old childhood neighbor fell on ice and broke her hip and was never the same. One of my grade school teachers suffered a fatal heart attack while shoveling snow.

I've been thinking about calling up a snow service and arranging for someone to go there without telling my parents. Do you think that's a good idea?

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prudent
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by prudent » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:49 pm

I'd certainly tell them first that someone is coming to do it. Otherwise they might decide to start shoveling when the storm is only half-over to spread out the work.

Scrapr
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Scrapr » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:50 pm

yes, pay for someone.

ved
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by ved » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:53 pm

I don't know if you will be able to reach any service now, let alone them agreeing to come in first thing after the snow has ended.
Do your parents shovel, or use a snow blower?

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by radiowave » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:56 pm

Are your parents healthy? How much snow to they need to shovel?
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Mike Scott » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:06 pm

How does this interaction/conflict impact your relationship with your parents? There is more going on here than snow removal.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by mike77308 » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:10 pm

Admitting that you are old and can't do some tasks is hard to do. Earlier this winter my grandson's fiancée lost her grandfather to shoveling snow. He refused to let anyone do it for him, stubborn pride did him in.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by 123 » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:13 pm

Do they shovel manually or do they use a snow blower? If they don't have a snow blower maybe you could gift them one. They then could still "shovel" the snow with a lot less effort. Might not be the best solution but it might be acceptable to them.
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by mhadden1 » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:17 pm

I too have worried about my aging parents over the last 10-15 years. Still, throughout, they were adults, and free agents.
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by RadAudit » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:27 pm

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
Both of my parents are in their 70s. ...
My sister and brother-in-law, who recently had a heart attack, are still shoveling snow. Both are in their mid to late 70's. Just got a phone call from her. She'll be out shoveling snow this weekend.

Those old folks are tougher than they look. Don't worry. And why are you waiting until 3 weeks before Spring to bring this up?

PS: I told her the way to handle it was to take her shovel and walker out to the sidewalk and start. Someone would be along shortly to help out. :wink:
FI is the best revenge. LBYM. Invest the rest. Stay the course. - PS: The cavalry isn't coming, kids. You are on your own.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Nicolas » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:37 pm

Instead of hiring a service you could present them with a new snow blower. A lot easier than shoveling and actually kind of fun. And it might preserve their sense of independence. Myself, I like being able to clear the snow whenever I want to instead of hiring and waiting around for a service to do it.

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sawhorse
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by sawhorse » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:38 pm

radiowave wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:56 pm
Are your parents healthy? How much snow to they need to shovel?
They are mostly healthy. My mother has osteoporosis. She's taking medication for the condition. I hope that will shield her from a fracture in the event of a fall.

Their driveway is quite long.
123 wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:13 pm
Do they shovel manually or do they use a snow blower? If they don't have a snow blower maybe you could gift them one. They then could still "shovel" the snow with a lot less effort. Might not be the best solution but it might be acceptable to them.
They did get a snowblower several years ago, but it doesn't seem to work on snow that is heavy and wet, which it often is. I don't know what type of snow it will be tomorrow. Are there better snowblowers these days that can handle heavy wet snow?

I'm worried that my parents will opt for manually shoveling even if the snow is fluffy because they want to prove to themselves and others that they are still physically in good shape. There was a lighter snow episode earlier this season that I didn't know about until my mother sent me a message saying that she shoveled it and was so proud of herself for doing it.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Nicolas » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:44 pm

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:38 pm
They did get a snowblower several years ago, but it doesn't seem to work on snow that is heavy and wet, which it often is. I don't know what type of snow it will be tomorrow. Are there better snowblowers these days that can handle heavy wet snow?
Mine is a two-stage 8hp 26” wide snowblower, it’s never failed me whatever kind of snow, it’ll cut through anything. I’ve had it for sixteen years. If you get them a new one, make sure it’s two-stage with electric start, you don’t want them pulling a rope to start it in the cold. Heated handles would be nice too, mine doesn’t have them.
Last edited by Nicolas on Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by retire2022 » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:45 pm

Op

My mother at 80 fractured her vertebrae, she decided to pick up 25LB bag of rice, that was 8 years ago, she lives a mile away from me her excuse at the hospital was her son doesn't know how to buy rice, mother's guilt.

good luck

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Finridge » Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:29 pm

prudent wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:49 pm
I'd certainly tell them first that someone is coming to do it. Otherwise they might decide to start shoveling when the storm is only half-over to spread out the work.
Do this. And don't tell them you are doing it because they are "too old" to shovel snow... rather just say that this is something you just wanted to do for them, because you want to as a gift...

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beyou
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by beyou » Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:31 pm

I am in my 50s and prefer to pay for removal. It is not worth hurting my back.
To me it's either buy a snowblower or hire someone.

1-2 inches, I don't bother
2-4 inches and nobody shows up to shovel, I'll do it myself.
5+ inches and teens and landscapers in the area start searching for work, I happily give it to them.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by helloeveryone » Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:33 pm

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
Both of my parents are in their 70s. Last winter, after loads of nagging, they reluctantly agreed to pay people to shovel their snow.

Now they want to do it alone again and brushed me off when I told them not to. I think they feel like having someone shovel for them is another sign that they are getting old and losing their independence, and they hate that.

It's a pride issue more than a money issue, but they use money as an excuse.

They are expected to get 8+ inches of snow tomorrow. I've been pleading with them to hire someone, but they are being stubborn.

I'm very worried that something bad will happen physically. An old childhood neighbor fell on ice and broke her hip and was never the same. One of my grade school teachers suffered a fatal heart attack while shoveling snow.

I've been thinking about calling up a snow service and arranging for someone to go there without telling my parents. Do you think that's a good idea?
I think that’s a good idea. Set up a service and pay for it. Let them know you did it so they don’t freak out when someone comes. They will appreciate it even though they may not tell you. They are young enough they know what you are doing and will be happy knowing the the child they raised cares about them.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by whodidntante » Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:41 pm

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:38 pm
They did get a snowblower several years ago, but it doesn't seem to work on snow that is heavy and wet, which it often is. I don't know what type of snow it will be tomorrow. Are there better snowblowers these days that can handle heavy wet snow?
I have a 24" two stage, which I mostly expected to disappoint me, but I bought it really cheap. It's been a champ for many years. For an 8" snowfall, I would probably blow the snow halfway through the snowfall also, just so it can go faster and I don't have to get as cold. But it would be capable of blowing an 8" heavy snowfall, and has.

Single stage snowblowers are not as robust. You also want to use an efficient pattern so you aren't creating a big snow pile that you later have to blow again. I would have thought that was obvious, but some of my neighbors don't understand it.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by HereToLearn » Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:50 pm

Out of ideas for holiday gifts and wanting to convince my parents of the usefulness of a cleaning service, the children's Christmas gift one year was a year of housecleaning. We arranged the schedule, and provided envelopes with cash for each visit. As anticipated, my parents decided that it was actually helpful to have someone clean the house periodically, so they assumed payments moving forward.

I realize that you cannot schedule the snow plow this way, but perhaps you can offer this as their Mother's/Father's Day gifts or something like that.

For the person who asked why he has waited until March to discuss this, the NY area had an unexpected snowstorm on Nov 15th and then really has not had snow that required plowing until yesterday. Depending on location, tonight's snow fall will be heavier than yesterday's.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by TravelGeek » Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:05 am

Any high school kids in the neighborhood that might be interested in earning some money that you could hire? Maybe check Nextdoor. Where we live the commercial/professional services seem to be overwhelmed this winter.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Rob1 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:12 am

OP, is one of your parents more amenable? I worked on my mom until she was on my side, and she got my dad to stop shoveling. Good luck!

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by SevenBridgesRoad » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:55 am

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:38 pm
radiowave wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:56 pm
Are your parents healthy? How much snow to they need to shovel?
They are mostly healthy. My mother has osteoporosis. She's taking medication for the condition. I hope that will shield her from a fracture in the event of a fall.

Their driveway is quite long.
123 wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:13 pm
Do they shovel manually or do they use a snow blower? If they don't have a snow blower maybe you could gift them one. They then could still "shovel" the snow with a lot less effort. Might not be the best solution but it might be acceptable to them.
They did get a snowblower several years ago, but it doesn't seem to work on snow that is heavy and wet, which it often is. I don't know what type of snow it will be tomorrow. Are there better snowblowers these days that can handle heavy wet snow?

I'm worried that my parents will opt for manually shoveling even if the snow is fluffy because they want to prove to themselves and others that they are still physically in good shape. There was a lighter snow episode earlier this season that I didn't know about until my mother sent me a message saying that she shoveled it and was so proud of herself for doing it.
Yes there are better snowblowers. Get a good powerful two-stage snow blower. You will spend a thousand bucks or more on one. I have https://www.ariens.com/en-us/snow-produ ... /deluxe-24. Works great. Ordered online, not at a big box store. Had a 20" dump last Monday. No problem handling it. The adjustable chute allows you to transfer the snow where you want it. The problem with shoveling is where do you move the snow, once the piles are chest high and higher? That's the hard part.

We have a "Snowpocalypse" here either other year with continuous deep snows. I'm 62 and I see no reason I won't be able to clear my drive and sidewalks into my 70's. It's not hard with the Ariens and actually kinda fun in a weird way. As neighbors, we will do each others' sidewalks and drives just because we are out there first. Funny thing is my 83-year old father, not my sons, gives me grief over not hiring someone. Good snowblower, roof rake and Yak Trax are essential. No need to go to the gym some days! Are you listening MMM?
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by SevenBridgesRoad » Mon Mar 04, 2019 2:59 am

whodidntante wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:41 pm
sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:38 pm
They did get a snowblower several years ago, but it doesn't seem to work on snow that is heavy and wet, which it often is. I don't know what type of snow it will be tomorrow. Are there better snowblowers these days that can handle heavy wet snow?
I have a 24" two stage, which I mostly expected to disappoint me, but I bought it really cheap. It's been a champ for many years. For an 8" snowfall, I would probably blow the snow halfway through the snowfall also, just so it can go faster and I don't have to get as cold. But it would be capable of blowing an 8" heavy snowfall, and has.

Single stage snowblowers are not as robust. You also want to use an efficient pattern so you aren't creating a big snow pile that you later have to blow again. I would have thought that was obvious, but some of my neighbors don't understand it.
The great thing about retirement is I can keep up with the snowfall. Twice a day here is often better than waiting. And yes, the pattern is important.
Retired 2018 age 61 | "Not using an alarm is one of the great glories of my life." Robert Greene

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by typical.investor » Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:12 am

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:38 pm
I'm worried that my parents will opt for manually shoveling even if the snow is fluffy because they want to prove to themselves and others that they are still physically in good shape.
Pride aside, maybe they have it in their minds as a scheduled work out. Exercise is healthy, unless in this case it's too dangerous. I hope they have an alternative.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by MTF » Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:53 am

Any reason why you can’t pick up the shovel and do it for them?

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Pacman » Mon Mar 04, 2019 4:18 am

OP - I have the same problem with my parents. They still shovel snow and climb the ladder at their old ages. I honestly hate some of the suggestions above: "why don't you buy them a snowblower" or "just do it for them." Should you be responsible for paying >$500 for a snowblower or drive an hour or more (or however far you live from them) every single time it snows? I don't think some of the posters understand the stubbornness of older people. In you don't come exactly on their schedule, they will go do it themselves and mock you when you "show up when the work is done".

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by inbox788 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:17 am

First, they've got to be in great physical shape if they're still able to shovel snow at their age. Who knows, the physical activity might be contributing to their health if it's providing exercise and they're not overexerting or injuring themselves in the process.

Not living in snow country, I don't know how popular or effective snow melting mats and underground systems are, but the idea of automatic snow removal is very appealing. How long is their driveway and walkway? What is the typical installation cost and operating cost? What percentage is recovered in added home value?

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Sheepdog » Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:40 am

Let me put it my way. I am close to 86 and I do my snow removal (mixture of shovel (20%) and blower). (I shovel all under 3 inches.) I do all of my lawn work on a half acre lot. I never have hired anyone to do either or almost anything else involving house maintenance. I would never accept my sons or wife asking me to stop either. Blasphemy...
By the way, I still clean my gutters or repair gutter shields annually also on a one story house. I remove massive amounts of leaves in fall and early winter which is really harder than snow removal. The only outside thing I don't do anymore is roof walking (sweeping to remove limbs and leaves), but I do remove what I can by blowing or throwing a rake from a ladder to get some limbs. Since I enjoy doing these things, I will enjoy them.
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by RickBoglehead » Mon Mar 04, 2019 6:15 am

Anyone who thinks you're going to get an elderly parents to listen to reason is a very naive person.

My late 80s FIL ( who lived to 96) was told not to climb on the roof any more after a storm because "you have the reflexes of a drunk 60 year old). He was po'd that his wife's doctor told him this. We put on a new roof and removed his roof ladder and the installer told him if he walked on it he would violate the warranty. That stopped him.

Ordered to use a walker at all times. Caught going up the stairs in independent living, backwards, "to strengthen my legs."

Repeatedly gave wife his OTC meds when she asked, despite repeatedly being told not to. Took meds away.

When wife went to another facility for more care and ordered him to bring food, he repeatedly was caught with cans of vegetables despite being told she had a strict diet and intake had to be monitored.

I could go on. Some is dementia, most is a crotchety old person. Had he been one to swear, he would have told us off in some nice language...

Get on with your life OP. Most older citizens would prefer to go doing something than in a wheelchair in a diaper.
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by IngognitoUSA » Mon Mar 04, 2019 6:37 am

Use an app to hire someone for them. Tell parents it’s already paid for, that might stop them.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by JoeRetire » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:02 am

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
I've been thinking about calling up a snow service and arranging for someone to go there without telling my parents. Do you think that's a good idea?
Yes. This is the most effective solution.
Very Stable Genius

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by RadSaver » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:20 am

I've been following this forum for a while and was inspired to create an account to reply to this topic!

Both my parents had declined similar overtures for a snow removal service in the past because they had enjoy the physical activity and have been able to handle clearing their driveway and sidewalk themselves for decades.

Unfortunately, my dear father threw his back out and just underwent lumbar surgery for acute severe nerve compression which was triggered during removal of very light snow; apparently, just a small twist did him in to the point where he couldn't even get out of bed due to the pain. He is in his late 60s and otherwise very healthy and fit with no other back problem medical history.

Since my father also ascribes to the boglehead approach to personal finance, all I had to say is snow removal service costs much less than hospitalization and surgery!

Having said that this is certainly a personal decison, all the best to the OP!

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by MarkBarb » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:36 am

My parents are in their 80s and 90s. They live in Colorado. They shovel their own snow. It's good exercise for them. The key is to keep up with it when it is coming down. They have a snow blower in the garage they can use if things get too bad.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by fru-gal » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:37 am

In my experience a snow blower is harder to use than a snow shovel.

I would just tell them you're going to pay someone to do the work, and be sure you get someone dependable. A few years ago I was out shoveling 2-3 times during each snow event, now I am nice and cozy inside and the snow guys will be showing up.

If you live nearby, you might drive by to check out the work.

In my semi-rural area, as storms are forecast people are always posting on our town's facebook page that they are available for hire for snow removal.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by fru-gal » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:39 am

Sheepdog wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:40 am
Let me put it my way. I am close to 86 and I do my snow removal (mixture of shovel (20%) and blower). (I shovel all under 3 inches.) I do all of my lawn work on a half acre lot. I never have hired anyone to do either or almost anything else involving house maintenance. I would never accept my sons or wife asking me to stop either. Blasphemy...
By the way, I still clean my gutters or repair gutter shields annually also on a one story house. I remove massive amounts of leaves in fall and early winter which is really harder than snow removal. The only outside thing I don't do anymore is roof walking (sweeping to remove limbs and leaves), but I do remove what I can by blowing or throwing a rake from a ladder to get some limbs. Since I enjoy doing these things, I will enjoy them.
I am pretty sure you don't have arthritis, balance issues, and a heart condition. (I don't think I would have even bothered to shovel 3". One to two feet is a different matter.)

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by The Wizard » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:45 am

fru-gal wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:37 am
In my experience a snow blower is harder to use than a snow shovel...
Well, yes and no.
It does take some work to turn it around and pull it backwards at times, but it's child's play for long straight runs.
I'm only 69 but plan on using my snowblowers at both houses for years to come.

I will say that if you have certain severe medical conditions, this sort of work probably isn't a good idea...
Attempted new signature...

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Sheepdog » Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:27 am

fru-gal wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:39 am
Sheepdog wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:40 am


I am pretty sure you don't have arthritis, balance issues, and a heart condition. (I don't think I would have even bothered to shovel 3". One to two feet is a different matter.)
No, no arthritis, but I did have a heart attack at 65 with a resulting angioplasty, vein stripping both legs after attempting a half marathon at 75 (damaged due to poor training but I did complete the course), peripheral neureopathy at times, bladder cancer at 80,, and have had times of bouts of dizziness from painless migraines. (Yes, I have occasionally balance issues which is why I don't walk my house roof anymore or go down stairs without handrails), but what the heck..just blips. I still like cleaning up snow and the yard.. Life is life.
By the way, I just bought the snowblower 2 years ago and it does make those 2 foot snows easier to get rid of. :wink:
Just because it isn't your fault doesn't mean it isn't your responsibility....Josh Reid Jones

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by surfinagin » Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:43 am

Have a 2003 Ariens Deluxe Classic (8524DLE) with wt/axle/tire design that makes tipping to pivot/turn very EZ (can raise by pressing down handle with only 1 finger). Makes a BIG difference in effort req'd.
Electric start, 8.5HP, 2-stage throws deep/heavy snow no problem.
Bought b/c wife wanted to clear snow when I wasn't home -and she's never ran it ;-)
Great snowblower -FYI for OP or anyone who may appreciate less exertion and seek a similar model.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by smitcat » Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:48 am

JoeRetire wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:02 am
sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
I've been thinking about calling up a snow service and arranging for someone to go there without telling my parents. Do you think that's a good idea?
Yes. This is the most effective solution.
Yes agreed- this is the best option by far.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:52 am

Good luck.

My FIL won't listen to any of us. He's 86. He goes out and shovels and snow blows. In the past winters, he'd get on a ladder and roof rake (1 story bungalo style house). We have offered help any way he wants. Shoveling, plowing (I have a snow plow on my Jeep). He refuses because he wants it done "his way" and we can't possibly do it the way he wants it done.

On top of all of this, once he's perfectly cleared out everything, he won't go anywhere for a week, until the roads are completely clear. My wife freaks out during any snow storm expecting he'll fall over with a heart attack. I'm sure he was out there by 6am this morning clearing the snow. She plans to go out with my kids (18 and 22) to help and we all know that by the time they get there, there won't be anything left to do.
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mmmodem
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by mmmodem » Mon Mar 04, 2019 9:00 am

Good luck. It will be a dark day indeed before I pay someone to shovel snow when I can do it myself. I just spent an hour snow blowing my driveway. It was only about 6 inches and very light. If my children kept telling me about what I can or cannot do, I will start ignoring them. If they paid for a show plow without my permission, I will park my car at the end of the driveway to block the plow. Then I will proceed to yell at my children invading my privacy because now I have to shovel snow and clear ice off my car.

If my children really wanted me to stop shoveling snow, the way to do that is through convincing their mother. Failing that, bartering would work for me. Coming over to visit with the grandchildren more often or going on a vacation together would be good trades.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Murgatroyd » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:06 am

If you elect to buy a snow thrower bear in mind there are different drive systems. Make sure you buy one that drives each wheel INDEPENDENTLY. Otherwise the machine still requires manhandling. Because you either wind up with both wheels driving together with a locked axle, in which case it’s impossible to turn. Or one wheel driving which still requires strength to turn. Two stage blowers are heavy. Independent wheel drive allows the machine to rotate.

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by mrc » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:11 am

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
I've been thinking about calling up a snow service and arranging for someone to go there without telling my parents. Do you think that's a good idea?
No, it's not a good idea. Offer to help them arrange for someone. Sometimes, the anxiety lies mostly with finding someone to help who is dependable, good, and affordable. This is their choice and you will destroy any trust they have in you for helping them when they need really it.

How would you feel if they did this to/for you?
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leeks
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by leeks » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:22 am

Offer to pay someone (of their choice or to arrange directly if they want it). But if they refuse, let it go. "Loads of nagging" does not sound helpful. It is not your decision to make.

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Summit111
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Summit111 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:30 am

The 70 year old General Manager of our company fell off a 6 foot ladder removing Christmas lights and broke his back...in a wheelchair for several months then died...

The 65 year old CEO of a local large construction company fell off a ladder while cutting trees with a chain saw after a hurricane and broke his neck. Still in a wheelchair today.

A healthy 66 year old executive fell off a barn while repairing the roof. His injuries were the start of a 14 month health decline resulting in his death...

I knew all three...

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by miamivice » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:33 am

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
Both of my parents are in their 70s. Last winter, after loads of nagging, they reluctantly agreed to pay people to shovel their snow.

Now they want to do it alone again and brushed me off when I told them not to. I think they feel like having someone shovel for them is another sign that they are getting old and losing their independence, and they hate that.

It's a pride issue more than a money issue, but they use money as an excuse.

They are expected to get 8+ inches of snow tomorrow. I've been pleading with them to hire someone, but they are being stubborn.

I'm very worried that something bad will happen physically. An old childhood neighbor fell on ice and broke her hip and was never the same. One of my grade school teachers suffered a fatal heart attack while shoveling snow.

I've been thinking about calling up a snow service and arranging for someone to go there without telling my parents. Do you think that's a good idea?
I think this is your parents choice, not yours.

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ResearchMed
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by ResearchMed » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:33 am

leeks wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:22 am
Offer to pay someone (of their choice or to arrange directly if they want it). But if they refuse, let it go. "Loads of nagging" does not sound helpful. It is not your decision to make.
Unfortunately or not, as "competent adults", they have the right to make their own decisions, even if it isn't what OP prefers.

Now... IF you think they are not properly taking care of themselves at some point, that is entirely different.
In general, insisting on doing their own snow removal doesn't alone meet that criterion, even if it isn't recommended by their physician. We all have the "right to be wrong", for better or worse.

Dealing with a possible determination of "not being competent" is a totally different situation, and a real nightmare if there is disagreement.
(Went through this with parents; trying to get the car/keys taken away was the first step, and the most difficult.)

If they truly insist on doing it themselves, and it isn't a "small job", then telling them how happy it would make you to get them a snowblower would be a good option... if they accept it. And then do get them "one of the best" (see discussion above; your goal, after all, is to minimize physical stress, right?).

Good luck.

And Dear Sheepdog: Thank you for not walking on your roof anymore!

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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by Call_Me_Op » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:36 am

sawhorse wrote:
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:47 pm
Both of my parents are in their 70s. Last winter, after loads of nagging, they reluctantly agreed to pay people to shovel their snow.
My dad is in his 80's and insists on doing it with a shovel. And he is in snow country. They don't make 'em like they used to.
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by bloom2708 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:45 am

My parents are mid 70s. Dad had triple bypass a couple years ago.

They insist on shoveling/snowblowing their large driveway themselves. I can't do anything about it.

We have received over 60" of snow this winter. I worry about them, especially when it is -20 or -10F actual outside and they are out doing it.

My mom uses a snow blade and picks up with missed parts. My dad runs the snowblower.

Not much you can do. No reason to overstep. My dad likes doing it but I think he knows he shouldn't/can't do it forever. This just happened to be a wicked/cold/snowy winter that doesn't end. It was -18 Saturday morning and -2 for the high yesterday. Set the all time low high temp record. :oops:
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pacodelostigres
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Re: Convince aging parents to pay for snow removal

Post by pacodelostigres » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:55 am

They're adults and have told you no, politely. Mind your own business and stay out of it.

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