What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

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flyingaway
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What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by flyingaway » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am

I am about 55 and consider myself semi-retired. I go to teach every other day and make about 65% of what I used to make. I have about 25X to 28X of the annual expenses saved, dependent upon how you calculate. In theory, I could retire, but there are constant discussions on 3% rule, sequence of return risk, etc., which bother me a lot.
I do not love my job, but it does not hurt me at this time. When I am not happy, I blame my job. I tell myself that I would be in a paradise with no worry, when I am fully retired.
However, I am perfectly clear that if I quit my job today, there will still be something that will bother me from time to time. I would have to find someone or something to blame for that in retirement.
So, my question is: What do you blame for your (occasional) unhappiness in retirement?

dbr
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by dbr » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:39 am

Why do you have to blame someone/something? Maybe that need to blame is in fact what should be blamed for one's unhappiness. I find occasions to blame someone or something for something I don't like, but not liking something is a far cry from being unhappy.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by CyclingDuo » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:41 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am
I am about 55 and consider myself semi-retired. I go to teach every other day and make about 65% of what I used to make. I have about 25X to 28X of the annual expenses saved, dependent upon how you calculate. In theory, I could retire, but there are constant discussions on 3% rule, sequence of return risk, etc., which bother me a lot.
I do not love my job, but it does not hurt me at this time. When I am not happy, I blame my job. I tell myself that I would be in a paradise with no worry, when I am fully retired.
However, I am perfectly clear that if I quit my job today, there will still be something that will bother me from time to time. I would have to find someone or something to blame for that in retirement.
So, my question is: What do you blame for your (occasional) unhappiness in retirement?
Here is a serious recommendation for you. Buy and read Larry Swedroe and Kevin Grogan's excellent book that addresses your question: "Your Complete Guide to a Successful and Secure Retirement"

https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-S ... dpSrc=srch
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by nisiprius » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:44 am

Neither my wife nor I have noticed a great deal of "unhappiness in retirement," apart from, well, you know, aging itself.

But, yes, there is a good deal of what might be called "happiness homeostatis." Eeyores remain Eeyores, good times or bad. Poohs remain Poohs, good times or bad.

That said, and given the fact that so far we are financially OK, retirement has lifted many sources of stress for us. It absolutely has been less stressful. It has not been lived up to George's fantasy in "Of Mice and Men"
In 'Of Mice and Men,' John Steinbeck wrote:George said wonderingly, "S'pose they was a carnival or a circus come to town, or a ball game, or any damn thing." Old Candy nodded in appreciation of the idea. "We'd just go to her," George said. "We wouldn't ask nobody if we could. Jus' say, "We'll go to her,' an' we would. Jus' milk the cow and sling some grain to the chickens an' go to her."
Nevertheless, when the Polar Vortex comes to down, we can just say "Let's just stay home completely today. Give the dog a shorter walk than usual." And, this will sound incredibly depressing, but it is a great source of stress reduction when the receptionist says "I'm sorry, Dr. Arrowsmith is running an hour late today" to just shrug, buy a snack at the cafeteria, open another book on the Kindle, and chill out... without worrying about being late getting back to work. Less stress. More sleep. Is that the same thing as "happiness?" No, but it definitely moves the needle.

But, yes, we carry much of our happiness and unhappiness within us:
In 'The People, Yes,' poem 52, Carl Sandburg wrote:Who was that early sodbuster in Kansas? He leaned at the gatepost and studied the horizon... and tried to calculate ... why there was such a spread between what he got for grain and the price quoted in Chicago and New York. Drove up a newcomer in a covered wagon: 'What kind of folks live around here?' 'Well, stranger, what kind of folks was there in the country you come from?' 'Well, they was mostly a lowdown, lying, thieving gossiping, backbiting kind lot of people.' 'Well, I guess, stranger, that's about the kind of folks you'll find around here.' And the dusty gray stranger had just about blended into the dusty gray cottonwoods in a clump on the horizon when another newcomer drove up: 'What kind of folks live around here?' 'Well, stranger, what kind of folks was there in the country you come from?' 'Well, they was mostly a decent, hardworking, lawabiding, friendly lot of people.' 'Well, I guess, stranger, that's about the kind of folks you'll find around here.'"
Last edited by nisiprius on Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by livesoft » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:51 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am
So, my question is: What do you blame for your (occasional) unhappiness in retirement?
If I told you, then LadyGeek would [This thread has run its course and is locked.]
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TheTimeLord
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by TheTimeLord » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:53 am

In my case genetic predisposition/personality type. When I took almost a year off after taking a package from MegaCorp I found the lack of socialization and isolation to be difficult. I accept I need people to interact and play with, so retiring before my friends and peers would lead to lots of frustrations for me. To make matters worse, most of my friends are actually 10-15 years younger than I am. The pleasure I derived from sleeping in or having my entire day unscheduled was overwhelmed within a couple months by my frustration at the difficultly I had connecting with people Monday through Friday. I needed more daily stimulation than I was receiving and returned to the workforce when I fortunate to receive an exceptional opportunity.
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by RadAudit » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:55 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am
I am perfectly clear that if I quit my job today, there will still be something that will bother me from time to time. I would have to find someone or something to blame for that in retirement.
Some people are never satisfied.

But as a retiree, you get to choose who or what to blame. Heck, you made it to being able to retire with a reasonable amount of money - something that many have not achieved and will never achieve. You're earned the privilege of joining the group of entitled, grumpy senior citizens. You can blame your former job, your spouse, your kids, the city / state/ federal government, the other political party (but not on this forum), the others that don't look like you, etc. For a creative individual, the list is virtually endless. But, it's a waste of time - something you don't have in endless supply.

You can retire. Enjoy it. Smile - it'll drive them to distraction.
FI is the best revenge. LBYM. Invest the rest. Stay the course. - PS: The cavalry isn't coming, kids. You are on your own.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Tycoon » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:58 am

My decisions are mine. I blame no one for the decisions I make.
Emotionless, prognostication free investing. Ignoring the noise and economists since 1979. I see the world as it is; not how I wish it to be.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Shallowpockets » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:59 am

Well, I will say it. You are an unhappy person because you look for blame and perhaps the one to blame is yourself. OK, you get unhappy about something and with blame now you are frustrated and angry on top of it.
The very premise of "what do you blame" is fraught with negativity. It is a setup for disappointment.
So who do I blame? Most times it is myself. I was too expecting of an outcome.
However, just because I blame myself doesn't mean I have to dwell on it and bottle up self frustration. I move on. Try to learn a little. Try to apply that learning going forward.
Adandon that attitude and try taking responsibility and roll with the punches.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Sandtrap » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:03 am

What are the things most "blamed" for unhappiness . . . .
(and also in retirement)

Broke
Loved one passed away
Out of work
Car broke down
Body broke down
Heart broke
Marriage broke

"Blaming" things instead of counting one's blessings. :happy

Actionably:
Have a plan. (IPS Statement)
Act on that plan with commitment and force. (Dollar Cost or Lump Sum)
Evaluate, adjust.
Act more. (be proactive).

. . . and when the SHTFz
Improvise, Adapt, Overcome. (Adjust IPS Statement)
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by SGM » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:19 am

I kind of feel a duty to be happy. There is so much to be thankful for. I like doing small favors for others and giving. I have friends who struggle to make ends meet and have physical ailments, but they still have reasons to be happy. I don't worry about things I can't change. Retirement is an adjustment, but I prepared for it in advance by cutting my work back to part time and exploring new hobbies, friendships, and physical activities. I found a few friends who were retired and we discussed some of these issues before I retired. Larry Swedroe's recent book has a recommendation for multiple books on the psychosocial aspects of retirement.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by yohac » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:25 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am
So, my question is: What do you blame for your (occasional) unhappiness in retirement?
Haven't had an unhappy day yet, but if I did, it would be because I had no answer to "What am I going to do today?"

Rupert
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Rupert » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am

You can only blame yourself for unhappiness, whether you're retired or not. If you're an extroverted person who enjoys and needs interaction with people on a daily basis to remain energized and satisfied with your life, that's not suddenly going to change when you retire. You're not suddenly going to enjoy being a homebody. You need to find a substitute for that daily interaction in retirement.

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TheTimeLord
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by TheTimeLord » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am

I will say this my wife is one of the happiest people I have ever known but we both have difficulty seeing how she will enjoy retirement as much or more than work. For someone like her Financial Independence is wonderful allowing the freedom to pursue the jobs and challenges they want, REtirement and slowing down not so much.
IMHO, Investing should be about living the life you want, not avoiding the life you fear. | Run, You Clever Boy! [9085]

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by J295 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:40 am

"blame" ... "unhappiness" .... could be a fair amount to unpack here if OP (or others with similar feelings) wanted to take a deep dive ....

personally, I favor deep dives

the unexamined life is not worth living (attributed to Socrates)

Rus In Urbe
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Rus In Urbe » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:41 am

I'm not retired yet, but....when I'm unhappy I do one of two things:

1. Volunteer time, or find a way to give back (write a check for a cause). Do something for someone else.

2. Think of something that is really hard that I don't think I can do, and then go do it. Every day, over and over.

Both of these work wonders! So does going to an excellent therapist, if some digging around is in order.
I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money. ~Pablo Picasso

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jazman12
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by jazman12 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:47 am

dbr wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:39 am
Why do you have to blame someone/something? Maybe that need to blame is in fact what should be blamed for one's unhappiness. I find occasions to blame someone or something for something I don't like, but not liking something is a far cry from being unhappy.
++
Act soon... time is running out

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by sailaway » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:50 am

If being bothered by something translates into unhappiness, you should work on your coping strategies. Maybe look into yoga or therapy to keep you busy.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by sschullo » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:51 am

No matter what age, I am unhappy when I think about poor little me. I am happy I think about others and do things for the benefit of others. "If you want friends, be a friend," unknown author.
It's pretty simple.
Public School K-12 Educators: "Ask NOT what your annuity sales person can do for you, ask what you can do to be a Do-It-Yourselfer (DIY)."

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Murgatroyd » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:53 am

OP, maybe like you, my job made me unhappy. But mostly just the final years, and for specific reasons. And also like you i felt that I’d be happier in retirement. In my 2 years of retirement I have not had an unhappy moment. I feel free. Only you can truly assess your source of unhappiness.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by bloom2708 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:54 am

People (for the most part) enjoy being slightly miserable.

Recognize that your perceptions and reactions are completely up to you.

As long as you are only "slightly miserable" and not "completely miserable" you will likely be fine.
"We are not here to agree with you; we are here to provoke thoughtfulness." Unknown Boglehead

LaurieAnnaT
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by LaurieAnnaT » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:03 am

Easy answer... the unexpected sudden death of my recently retired 63-year old husband. That wasn't supposed to happen. We had more than enough money saved for retirement and plans for travel and finally getting to long delayed projects. The death of your best friend totally sucks.

FireHorse
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by FireHorse » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:04 am

Its easier to blame other people than to look deep inside of yourself, observe yourself and learn yourself.
Or it could just be hormones

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Blueskies123 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:18 am

I suggest this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Medi ... 0735211736

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” – Epictetus
“Some things are in our control, while others are not. We control our opinion, choice, desire, aversion, and, in a word, everything of our own doing. We don’t control our body, property, reputation, position, and, in a word, everything not of our own doing.”
― Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
“There is clarity (and joy) in seeing what others can’t see, in finding grace and harmony in places others overlook. Isn’t that far better than seeing the world as some dark place?”
― Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living: Featuring new translations of Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius

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flyingaway
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by flyingaway » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:24 am

TheTimeLord wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:53 am
In my case genetic predisposition/personality type. When I took almost a year off after taking a package from MegaCorp I found the lack of socialization and isolation to be difficult. I accept I need people to interact and play with, so retiring before my friends and peers would lead to lots of frustrations for me. To make matters worse, most of my friends are actually 10-15 years younger than I am. The pleasure I derived from sleeping in or having my entire day unscheduled was overwhelmed within a couple months by my frustration at the difficultly I had connecting with people Monday through Friday. I needed more daily stimulation than I was receiving and returned to the workforce when I fortunate to receive an exceptional opportunity.
I agree with you. On the other hand, most of my playing friends are 5 to 7 years older than I am and they do not plan to retire any time soon. My "happy" retirement would be "sell the house and go to travel the world no stop". But that is actually something that I am worried about. First, my wife is not on board, as she does not want to lose the friends that we have here. Second, I am not sure how long I could do the non-stop travel thing. If I stop, I really need to find something to blame.

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flyingaway
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by flyingaway » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:27 am

TheTimeLord wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am
I will say this my wife is one of the happiest people I have ever known but we both have difficulty seeing how she will enjoy retirement as much or more than work. For someone like her Financial Independence is wonderful allowing the freedom to pursue the jobs and challenges they want, REtirement and slowing down not so much.

The hidden thing of my post is: I am afraid that if I retire fully and I become unhappy, I might blame my wife (finding something or someone to blame). That is no what I want to see happening.

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Watty
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Watty » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:31 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am
What do you blame for your (occasional) unhappiness in retirement?
Some of it may just be normal.

I am generally happy in retirement but there will be occasional blah days but that is normal regardless if you are working or not. When you were working you might have to just go to work anyway after something like a bad night's sleep or a bit of a cold and you could just grumble about at work and blame it on that but now that you are retired you end up just having a slow day.

If it seems like more than that you might want to talk to your doctor to see if they would suggest seeing a counselor to figure out is something else is going on.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by smitcat » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:35 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:27 am
TheTimeLord wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am
I will say this my wife is one of the happiest people I have ever known but we both have difficulty seeing how she will enjoy retirement as much or more than work. For someone like her Financial Independence is wonderful allowing the freedom to pursue the jobs and challenges they want, REtirement and slowing down not so much.

The hidden thing of my post is: I am afraid that if I retire fully and I become unhappy, I might blame my wife (finding something or someone to blame). That is no what I want to see happening.
Afraid of something that 'might' happen which you have control over is not good way to proceed.
I always find myself to blame if I have not taken action(s) to move forward when I have control over the future.
What make you happy?
Make a list
Do those things
Find more friends while doing those things
The list will expand over time
Result - you will not have the time for all the things you like to do....

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by VictoriaF » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:38 am

I am happy in retirement and I tend not to blame anybody, least of all, myself. The things that would make me unhappy include:
- Living in a place that I don't find intellectually stimulating. For example, I would not retire in a suburban or rural area.
- Not being able to read books. Thankfully, modern technology provides audio books as a fallback, if I ever need it.
- Losing control of my life. I would not want to end up in a nursing home or attached to life support.

Victoria
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shell921
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by shell921 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:40 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:27 am
TheTimeLord wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am
I will say this my wife is one of the happiest people I have ever known but we both have difficulty seeing how she will enjoy retirement as much or more than work. For someone like her Financial Independence is wonderful allowing the freedom to pursue the jobs and challenges they want, REtirement and slowing down not so much.

The hidden thing of my post is: I am afraid that if I retire fully and I become unhappy, I might blame my wife (finding something or someone to blame). That is no what I want to see happening.
Awareness is key- you are already AWARE you might become "unhappy" in retirement. So good you are thinking about this. I am a retired teacher and I retired 6 months after turning 55. But for the 5 years prior to retiring, I worked a 50% contract. This was a great way to transition into retirement for me. I think we all need to ask ourselves how we define "happiness". I am not happy all the time-but who is? I view happiness as contentment in moments. I think that frustrations sometimes happen when we get hyper-focused on ourselves and our own emotions. None of us is entitled to a perfect life. By taking some time to manage our expectations, we can greatly reduce the chances of becoming "unhappy" about the imperfections
of life. Since retiring I took drawing classes, tai chi and yoga, dance classes, did a lot of traveling, upped my fitness activities, did more hiking, more reading, more experimenting with cooking and I learned to meditate. I also began writing and volunteer work. ALL of these things required me to learn new things and broadened my life which increased my "happiness". I am always learning and I think learning, growing, contributing, appreciating, connecting and protecting are ways of finding "happiness". We can not BLAME anyone - for anything !! Let go of the idea of blaming anyone for your unhappiness. It's a do-it-yourself job-!!!
:happy

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by fposte » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:44 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:27 am

The hidden thing of my post is: I am afraid that if I retire fully and I become unhappy, I might blame my wife (finding something or someone to blame). That is no what I want to see happening.
I found it really useful to go to therapy when I was planning my switch to an early retirement; we talked about a lot of things that would be useful in making retirement successful and happy. You might find that valuable as well.

(I note, for instance, that the action of blaming is not so much completely involuntary as a learned habit--you might find it useful to consider ways to reframe that reaction to unhappiness/displeasure in the first place.)

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Rupert » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:47 am

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:27 am
TheTimeLord wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am
I will say this my wife is one of the happiest people I have ever known but we both have difficulty seeing how she will enjoy retirement as much or more than work. For someone like her Financial Independence is wonderful allowing the freedom to pursue the jobs and challenges they want, REtirement and slowing down not so much.

The hidden thing of my post is: I am afraid that if I retire fully and I become unhappy, I might blame my wife (finding something or someone to blame). That is no what I want to see happening.
^+1.

Maybe you and your wife should see a family counselor/marriage therapist before you retire to talk this through. I think retirement does put a lot of strain on a relationship. If your wife has been a homemaker, for example, she may resent your constant presence in what she views as her domain/private space. If your wife works and will continue to work after your retirement, that can create a different sort of resentment. In other words, I think your fears are reasonable, and you are wise to anticipate them and plan for them. You and your wife will need to re-negotiate some terms.

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Fallible » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:02 pm

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:34 am
I am about 55 and consider myself semi-retired. I go to teach every other day and make about 65% of what I used to make. I have about 25X to 28X of the annual expenses saved, dependent upon how you calculate. In theory, I could retire, but there are constant discussions on 3% rule, sequence of return risk, etc., which bother me a lot.
I do not love my job, but it does not hurt me at this time. When I am not happy, I blame my job. I tell myself that I would be in a paradise with no worry, when I am fully retired.
However, I am perfectly clear that if I quit my job today, there will still be something that will bother me from time to time. I would have to find someone or something to blame for that in retirement.
So, my question is: What do you blame for your (occasional) unhappiness in retirement
?
There will always be something that bothers everyone from time to time. The question is: why blame someone or something else? What is this need to blame?
"John Bogle has changed a basic industry in the optimal direction. Of very few can this be said." ~Paul A. Samuelson

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Dottie57 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:03 pm

Retiring last year, I thought I would be happy. I wasn’t . It has been a process of unwinding from work. I wasn’t particularly well but not terribly sick. I feel better physically and mentally now after 11 months. I have relaxed and blood pressure shows it. Cooking more, better food eatten. Budget is slowly being followed. More thought about what I want and action taken in getting there. Most importantly, I wear a smile on my face much more often.

Retiring for me is a processs of becoming. Not always comfortable, but glad to be on the journey.

Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness.

Freefun
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Freefun » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:08 pm

I’m the only one accountable for my happiness.
Remember when you wanted what you currently have?

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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by renata » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:10 pm

LaurieAnnaT wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:03 am
Easy answer... the unexpected sudden death of my recently retired 63-year old husband. That wasn't supposed to happen. We had more than enough money saved for retirement and plans for travel and finally getting to long delayed projects. The death of your best friend totally sucks.
That's terrible! I'm so sorry for your loss......

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cheese_breath
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by cheese_breath » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:17 pm

Guess what. I had occasional unhappiness before I retired too.

If you think you'll be unhappy in retirement, then don't retire.
If you're worried about finances in retirement, then don't retire.
If you think you'll be bored in retirement, then don't retire.
If you're worried about your health in retirement, then worry about it too don't retire.
If you expect retirement to be a bed of roses, then get real before it's too late. Life isn't always paradise. Retirement has nothing to do with it.

Occasional unhappiness is a fact of life. But some people are always unhappy regardless of their circumstances. They have nobody to blame but themselves. Don't be one of them.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.

NewOldGuy
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by NewOldGuy » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:55 pm

I read something recently about "living in the moment". That if we are constantly waiting for a better future and dwelling about our past, we will grow old, have wasted much of our lives, and not be happy. I'm paraphrasing, but it made great sense. Maybe I'll google it and read it again.

edit: here's the 5 minute video version... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3JzcCv ... ture=share
Last edited by NewOldGuy on Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

shunkman
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by shunkman » Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:07 pm

Sometimes I am unhappy in retirement and I attribute this to some health problems that I am dealing with.

An early retiree who has good health has a thousand dreams. A retiree without, has only one.

Rus In Urbe
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Rus In Urbe » Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:11 pm

renata » Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:10 pm

LaurieAnnaT wrote: ↑Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:03 am
Easy answer... the unexpected sudden death of my recently retired 63-year old husband. That wasn't supposed to happen. We had more than enough money saved for retirement and plans for travel and finally getting to long delayed projects. The death of your best friend totally sucks.
That's terrible! I'm so sorry for your loss......
+1 So sorry too. I hope that the happy memories of the time you had will help console you a little for that terrible loss.
I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money. ~Pablo Picasso

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Abe
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Abe » Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:25 pm

Life is not fair, and it's not unfair. It's just what it is. Like everyone else, I've spent my whole life learning to deal with what life dishes out. I hope I'm getting better at it. It's easy to blame and I've done my fair share of it. But the thing is, it just doesn't seem to do any good. Ultimately, we are the only ones who can control our happiness or unhappiness, and yes, I'm still working on that one.
Slow and steady wins the race.

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GerryL
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by GerryL » Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:33 pm

In 5th year of retirement and I don't know yet because I have been very happy since handing in my badge. Sure, sometimes I'm not feeling well or something breaks or the weather messes up my plans. But those are the kinds of things that just happen all throughout life. I'm a big believer in making my own happiness.

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flyingaway
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by flyingaway » Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:36 pm

NewOldGuy wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:55 pm
I read something recently about "living in the moment". That if we are constantly waiting for a better future and dwelling about our past, we will grow old, have wasted much of our lives, and not be happy. I'm paraphrasing, but it made great sense. Maybe I'll google it and read it again.

edit: here's the 5 minute video version... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3JzcCv ... ture=share
Thanks for the link.

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flyingaway
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by flyingaway » Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:38 pm

LaurieAnnaT wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:03 am
Easy answer... the unexpected sudden death of my recently retired 63-year old husband. That wasn't supposed to happen. We had more than enough money saved for retirement and plans for travel and finally getting to long delayed projects. The death of your best friend totally sucks.
I am sorry for your loss.
This does remind me that I want to share a happy life with my wife.

2015
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by 2015 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:18 pm

I "blame" myself for this being the most phenomenal time of my life. Right now, I look out my bedroom window and it's as if the mountains have been sprinkled with powdered sugar as the clouds hang low kissing the mountain tops. In retirement, my "Wildly Important Idea" (hat tip, Cal Newport) is making this the most psychologically, emotionally, financially, and materially fulfilling time of my life. As a result, I am engaging in what I refer to as High Performance Aging coupled with Vitality By Design. All of this often entails deep work, which includes focus, concentration, and execution. As a result, I am too busy creating happiness to be unhappy.

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Will do good
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Will do good » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:26 pm

My self if I'm unhappy at retirement.
We made it to retirement young enough to enjoy myself, while many, many people had to work at older age or jobs they hate.
Ask yourself would you change it with most or your friends?
Enjoy.

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TheTimeLord
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by TheTimeLord » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:34 pm

flyingaway wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:27 am
TheTimeLord wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:35 am
I will say this my wife is one of the happiest people I have ever known but we both have difficulty seeing how she will enjoy retirement as much or more than work. For someone like her Financial Independence is wonderful allowing the freedom to pursue the jobs and challenges they want, REtirement and slowing down not so much.

The hidden thing of my post is: I am afraid that if I retire fully and I become unhappy, I might blame my wife (finding something or someone to blame). That is no what I want to see happening.
Probably the only thing one can credit their spouse with is having a difference vision of retirement than they do.
IMHO, Investing should be about living the life you want, not avoiding the life you fear. | Run, You Clever Boy! [9085]

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ResearchMed
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by ResearchMed » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:40 pm

LaurieAnnaT wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:03 am
Easy answer... the unexpected sudden death of my recently retired 63-year old husband. That wasn't supposed to happen. We had more than enough money saved for retirement and plans for travel and finally getting to long delayed projects. The death of your best friend totally sucks.
I am SO sorry for your loss.

This, to both of us, is the biggest fear... and alas, it is only a matter of time.
We just hope it is still some time away.

But it is a reason that we have stopped saving (we have "enough") and started some of the "retirement spending and travel" (travel being most of what we want to do when we have "more time").

Also, health problems can make retirement more problematic.

Nothing is guaranteed.

RM
This signature is a placebo. You are in the control group.

Sasquatch
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by Sasquatch » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:44 pm

After only a short time retired I find I am bored part of the time which I accept complete responsibility for. My job was in the service industry and I am finding I am really missing helping people. I look after my MIL & FIL run errands, yard work, dr. Appts and on and on. I really feel joy when I am able to help my family.

I am looking at volunteering for a small non profit job core type organization working with kids and preparing them for the workforce. Mentoring and passing along the things I learned from my elders and what I personally have picked up along the way.

My future is entirely up to me
Last edited by Sasquatch on Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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celia
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Re: What do you blame for unhappiness in retirement?

Post by celia » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:53 pm

Not taking my meds?

Depression is a real illness. If you haven't discussed it with a doctor, maybe you should. But don't wait until retirement. If you've been unhappy for a long time, this could be one reason. At least have a doctor rule it out, if that is not the reason.

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