Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities
Enganerd
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Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:52 pm

First, this is not exactly Boglehead specific thread so I understand if it is deleted but this is my favorite online community (I am continually impressed by the intellect and dedication to evidence based rationality possessed by many members, humbling) so I’m going to give it a shot. These past few years I have noticed I am losing a passion for hobbies (such as amateur running competitions, hunting, travel, archery and etc). This could be age and/or life-stage related, I am a 33M and my wife and I are looking to start a family soon. There are several explanations for this loss of motivation to aggressively pursue hobbies but one that deals with Boglehead principles is frugality. I find myself reasoning: why put considerable time and effort (could be used to make $ or pursue marketable skills) into pursuing a hobby that comes at an expense. I feel I should save expenses for the necessities of life or things I really really want to do, not things I used to enjoy and now feel a sense of obligation to continue to pursue. I have a sense of guilt about letting skills rust and relenting on activities that I used to truly enjoy. Almost like I should resist the inclination, but my more logical side thinks it is silly to do something out of a sense of duty or obligation to interests of my younger self, especially when the activities consume time, energy and $. Surely others have experienced this as they matured and I wonder how they dealt with it.

I have some hesitations. I used to view those who have relaxed on their activities and hobbies as “old” and therefore I would continue my hobbies and activities even if required self-discipline to avoid letting age make my life boring. But maybe these people are simply older and more wise, they realized activities didn’t give them the thrill they once did so it was ok to move on to other interests. Also I am already considered cheap by some of my peers o maybe I am acting cheap and not frugal in this reasoning.

It’s not like I am just out of energy/passion and want to vegetate. I have been enjoying reading more. And have started meditating so that may also be the reason for some change in interests. It just feels like pursuing knowledge (whether to use for mental and physical health or to make more $) is more productive and fruitful use of time than a hobby in the name of fun. OTH maybe I am just getting older and the meditation is ‘stealing my ambition’ so the pang of guilt I feel letting go of hobbies is something I should pay attention to and resist in accordance with my past thoughts.

Have any of you felt these sentiments? How do/did you handle them? Any advice?

Financial situation combined for wife and I to provide context whether spending a few extra hundred or 1000s should effect my decision making much.

Investments: ~650k
Cash:~ 50k (high I know but we have been window shopping homes for too long, hurts seeing the market returns with this much parked.)
Home: Paid for ~50k
2 reliable vehicles
Income: ~140k gross
Expenses: 30-35K (estimate, I need to actually add it but I feel we could easily save more)

Currently max out all tax advantage space and have an effective savings rate more than 50%. This will most likely change once we start a family and probably upgrade homes. But plan on always being able to max IRAs and 401ks.

Edited to correct investment amounts, wife reminded me I left off her Roth and 403b
Last edited by Enganerd on Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

livesoft
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by livesoft » Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:04 pm

Hobbies are hobbies because you don't have to do them. You can generally always come back to them, too. I have to say I have never worried about what you have written about.
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camillus
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by camillus » Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:47 pm

I think it's okay to set things aside. I think you'll find you'll eventually return to them and they will come back quickly.

Meditating sounds like a new hobby. Personal finance and frugality is also a hobby.

I am 35 and have to young boys. I have recently started more physical activity (weight lifting) partly so they can grow up with a fit, healthy father.

MP173
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by MP173 » Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:17 pm

I found that by middle age a number of my interests or hobbies were put on the shelf.

Now that the child rearing portion of my life is over, I have resumed all and added more. Lots more time on my hands and hobbies beat TV.

ed

Mike Scott
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Mike Scott » Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:26 pm

Interests come and go. Life changes. Time and money are not always available. Do the new thing. Do the old thing when you want to again.

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Steelersfan
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Steelersfan » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:05 pm

Don't worry. If/when kids come along you'll find they become your hobby and provide ample opportunity to expand activities to fill your time and devote your energy.

If not, it's perfectly normal to have lulls in extra activities. They come and they go, but if you're the type to enjoy them, you'll find them or they'll find you.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Texanbybirth » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:14 pm

I’m your age with 2 (soon to be 3) young kids. My hobbies have been petty steady for about 15 years: running, weight lifting, watching movies, ice hockey (fan and player), reading, writing. I’ve never wondered whether I’m wasting time (or money) on them, but then again none of these hobbies is very expensive. I’ve always been a cheap date and have never had a lot of money. My wife encourages them because she knows they’re part of who I am, and they keep me mentally and physically (somewhat) healthy for her and our children. In fact, it’s nice to have another person to whom you’re responsible, who can call you out on the things are taking away from or adding value to your (and their) life. What does you wife think about your current predicament?

(I don’t consideration prayer or worship [probably analogous to your “meditation”] as hobbies. They make up an even more important part of who I am.)

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black jack
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by black jack » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:18 pm

Congratulations on your new hobby of meditation; that will pay great dividends in many areas of life. Reading and learning are also great hobbies.

I agree with the other posters that our interests change over our lifetime. Some interests may return: I've been a runner, stopped running for several years around the time my daughter was born, and returned to it in my late-40s when I decided I wanted to push back against the aging process.

Financially, you certainly are doing well enough with earnings and savings to spend some money on your hobbies if you wish, but as another poster said, perhaps right now frugality is becoming a bigger hobby for you.

It sounds like you're not bored, and are enjoying the way you're spending your time. So enjoy.
We cannot absolutely prove [that they are wrong who say] that we have seen our best days. But so said all who came before us, and with just as much apparent reason. | -T. B. Macaulay (1800-1859)

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Filetmerlot » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:22 pm

Before kids I was brewing beer twice a month. After kids it is twice a year.

Before kids I never played with balloons. Now after kids I’ve become a pretty proficient balloon twister that makes balloon animals, hats, etc when the kids have birthdays and play dates.

This past year my son and I started beekeeping and I had never thought about doing that before.

Things change. I may go back to brewing more when the kids are older or volunteer to do balloon twisting for kids in the hospital when mine don’t enjoy it as much. I consider them all hobbies. None of them have to be a focus at any time

livesoft
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by livesoft » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:23 pm

Somehow this thread reminded me of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tiqxn3iOmxY

"My body feels young but my mind is very old"
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by tulsuduke » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:28 pm

I used to enjoy golf a great deal in my teens through early 30s. That interest waned as kids came into the picture, and there weren't as many golf partners to play with on the weekends. I even live in a golf course community when a fabulous view of the 17th green, but rarely play anymore. I still try to play once or twice a year just to keep the muscle memory somewhat intact. I'm hoping the kids get the itch to learn soon so we can all play together.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by MNGopher » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:37 pm

I don't understand losing a passion for hobbies at 33 years of age. I personally love competitive league sports.... exercise, competition, comaraderie, maybe drinks afterward, for a very low league fee. I played competitive softball until age 44 when my hamstrings started blowing out. I still play league golf and darts at age 53 and love it. On days when I don't have league of some kind I go to the gym and workout. I don't understand going home and sitting around after work and just watching tv or reading. Gotta keep moving.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:43 pm

At 33, I would not be concerned about aging being the cause. I would be concerned about depression or an unhealthy obsession with finances.

If you can safely rule out those two issues, I would not be concerned about it and would proceed with my life.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by brennok » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:58 pm

In my 40s and I have lost interest in pretty much all my hobbies except reading. Frugality is a big reason combined with my attitudes and views not meshing with how they do things these days. It seems every hobby I enjoyed just gets so expensive I no longer enjoy it.

I keep looking for a hobby that grabs me, but I find I like expensive hobbies. I just refuse to pay the price so I lose interes5 quickly.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by kjvmartin » Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:07 pm

I'm of a similar age and find myself struggling with hobbies. The things I used to like to do before being responsible for a family of 5 are mostly too time consuming, or expensive, or impractical. Most of the interests I had only hold me if I can throw myself into them "full tilt" and complete everything.

It's just a fact of life for me.

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bligh
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by bligh » Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:10 pm

In my case I find that my interest in hobbies is linked with my overall energy levels. If I am working long stressful hours at a job I tend to become less interested in hobbies. When I am well rested and have plenty of energy I also want to get involved in and do more things.

Kids take a lot of energy. So yes they can also impact my interest in and willingness to take on hobbies.
Last edited by bligh on Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MathWizard
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by MathWizard » Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:11 pm

Things change, and you change with the circumstances.

I used to run, play basketball, read and go dancing with my wife.

Then came kids.

Kids , church, and working on the house and car chewed up all free time outside work.

The kids are out of college, the house is almost complete, and I'm paying people to work on the car now.

But:

After a promotion, work has chewed up most of my time, excpet for some reading and this forum

A few more years and I'm done with work, and it will be a time to reinvent what I do yet again.

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celia
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by celia » Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:24 pm

Enganerd wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:52 pm
These past few years I have noticed I am losing a passion for hobbies (such as amateur running competitions, hunting, travel, archery and etc).
I noticed that the hobbies you listed were all physical/athletic. You need some physical activity in your life to help maintain your health. But it doesn't have to be done in a formal setting or with others. As long as you have something physical you do on a regular basis, that is fine.

After you have kids, you will find that you want to push them in a stroller or on the back of your bike. You may want to be the team coach or scout leader for their troop. Family travel is also great, since you can introduce them to other relatives (especially any who have kids their age) or places in the world you want them to know about.

Similar (or new) activities to the ones you are used to can be resumed, but with new particpants (your kids!).

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Wilderness Librarian » Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:42 pm

Doom&Gloom wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:43 pm
At 33, I would not be concerned about aging being the cause. I would be concerned about depression or an unhealthy obsession with finances.

If you can safely rule out those two issues, I would not be concerned about it and would proceed with my life.
I tend to agree with this. At your age I was expanding interests and activities and couldn't sustain them due to time and financial constraints. So I put many of them on minimal level or hold and now returning & increasing once again in retirement. You do mention an increase in reading. That is an encouraging sign. Also agree that some physical activity useful as a balance. Also depending on your personality doing things alone may be easier than doing them with other people (that is the way I am).

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by peterinjapan » Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:54 pm

I've always had weird and specific hobbies. One of the them is obsessing over my investments, which I plan to do (a little) when I retire. Another thing I want to do is, become an R2 Builder. There's a whole group of people who design and build R2-D2 and other Astromech droids. The best community I've found does demos at Phoenix Comic-Con every year.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by AlphaLess » Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:02 pm

livesoft wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:04 pm
Hobbies are hobbies because you don't have to do them. You can generally always come back to them, too. I have to say I have never worried about what you have written about.
Except when you experience a bout of depression. And then, hobbies become chores. And to overcome the depression, research says you have to resume doing the hobbies you loved.
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word." George Washington

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ClevrChico
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by ClevrChico » Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:11 pm

The gamer changer for me was buying a house. Maintaining a house and garden consumes a big part of my free time. (Along with maintaining and repairing what are now older cars.)

Add kids on top of that, and I'm lucky to get half an hour a day to catch my breath. Taking a nap on a weekend sounds really good, but is rare. Good-bye hobbies.

I'm enjoying all the current adventures this stage of life brings me, and I know my hobbies are simply on the back burner for now. Once I'm retired, I'll be able to do hobbies as I please and tell people how busy it is being retired.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by gotester2000 » Tue Sep 25, 2018 2:05 am

Normal aging. Try doing activities that you used to enjoy 10 years earlier and chances are you do not like them now.
By age 35, you understand your life cycle and start focusing your efforts on the things that really matter to you.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by DukeLecker » Tue Sep 25, 2018 4:12 am

livesoft wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:23 pm
Somehow this thread reminded me of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tiqxn3iOmxY

"My body feels young but my mind is very old"
Great band, great reference!

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queso
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by queso » Tue Sep 25, 2018 8:23 am

Prob both. Same thing here. Spent almost all my 20s and early 30s running all over the place doing nothing but hobbies/sports, but now it seems I spend a lot of my free time working on the house/yard/vehicles so my hobbies are becoming more sedate, less frequent and less time/travel intensive. I think it was the concomitant increase of responsibilities at work coupled with getting married and moving from an easy to maintain townhouse to a much larger single family home with a yard. Between the office and maintaining the house/yard I am pretty tired at the end of the week and often have at least 1-3 projects on my weekend calendar (mulch, clean gutters, mow, fix <insert thing that broke here>, etc.) so grabbing gear and heading off on an adventure over the weekend just doesn't seem like it's in the cards for me as much anymore. I do feel a lot of stress over it though. Sometimes I'll reorganize my gear closets and just looking at all the stuff and thinking about what I could be off doing makes me feel really lazy and leaves me questioning whether I have made the right choices. I have tried to sell off gear for some hobbies/sports that has a shelf life either due to obsolescence or lack of use so I at least don't have as much sitting around staring at me. It's really been a tough transition for me though since I think I do better mentally and physically if I have a hobby I am borderline obsessive about that consumes a lot of my free time outside the office. I am hoping that scotch, Netflix and good books can help ease the transition from Alex Lowe to Al Bundy. :happy

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by desiderium » Tue Sep 25, 2018 8:45 am

Adult growth and development
Embrace it

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Cycle
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Cycle » Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:08 am

You're just prioritizing what is truly important to you. Becoming wise.

I also no longer find as much joy in the competitive races. Ive done many Ironmans and marathons. I know it's the training I enjoy the most, so I only do 1 organized xc ski and 1 trail run race a year. I exercise 6-7 days a week, but much of this is just my bike commute.

I find learning never gets old, and so I do a lot of MOOCs to develop skills that I could use at work in a different role. I'm mechanical, but study programming.

Playing music never gets old either.

In the last two years, I sold my golf clubs, downhill skis, class xc skis ( still skate), hockey gear, snowboard.

I've also gotten rid of many tools and my car, as im not so into diy repairs anymore. Not to sound like a snob, but that stuff I'd rather pay someone to do so I can spend my free time working on higher level skills or relaxing.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Shallowpockets » Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:09 am

WOW! Only 33 and already at this point. Losing passion for hobbies is something maybe we older BHs may run across.
I guess families can do that to you. Probably a good thing so that you are not away and doing your hobby while the kids need to be attended to. A self defense mechanism. No hobby, more time for family and less spending for those hobbies.
You will either find new pursuits or one day you will look back and realize that time has passed and left you older and now not able to do those things. The resultant feelings on that may skew good or bad.
I think it is normal for people to vacillate on their direction in life at times. Maybe it is not a loss of passion, just a pause that refreshes and new things will come to the fore.
You have to ride it out until the path shows itself.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Irisheyes » Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:30 am

I never really had a use for hobbies. All my focused efforts at anything have always had some ultimate larger goal in sight.

I loved reading/literature but always with the end goal of making a career out of it and becoming a professor. I love gardening, but can't be bothered with flowers/shrubs and only have interest if the garden is producing vegetables and fruits for the table. I love cooking but see it as a productive way to feed my family healthily and inexpensively. I make myself go walking because of the health benefits.

I don't think this is a positive aspect of my personality.

Lately though, I too have taken up meditation and think that might be one way out of the drive towards "productivity".
Last edited by Irisheyes on Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Rupert
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Rupert » Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:32 am

There was a thread here recently about someone having an "early-mid-life crisis" in their thirties. Perhaps you should search for that thread.

Personally, I think it's completely normal. Priorities do tend to shift in our fourth decade. You're still young, but your youth has ended. It's make or break time, career-wise. Old friends will drop off as you all add children to your families (or decide not to have kids at all). You'll make new friends -- the parents of your kids' friends, usually. For some, this shift is gradual. For others it's sudden and dramatic. But it happens to everyone.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Texanbybirth » Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:39 am

Lots of people here mentioning kids and other family obligations getting in the way of their hobbies. I get that, but OP doesn't have kids. I'm guessing there's a big dose of obsession over finances mixed with some mild depression or other psychological issue: "loss of motivation", "sense of guilt", "pang of guilt". The post also ends with unnecessary financial info, which could have been summarized as "finances are on track, so we could really afford the hobbies I don't care about anymore."

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by stoptothink » Tue Sep 25, 2018 10:12 am

I recently found out, on this very board, that because I've sold my mountain bike and time trial bike in the last few years (and now just own a single bike, a swiss army cyclocross) that I can no longer say I enjoy cycling (despite riding 3x+ a week) :oops: . I'm a few years older than OP and I've kind of lost my passion for hobbies; well, I guess. I'm no longer a serious competitive athlete (although I might be in the best overall shape of my life) and I spend almost zero time with my "friends". My wife, on the other hand, always seems to want to get into the next thing and gets a bit annoyed that I don't necessarily want to (my response is usually: "been there, done that, thrown away the trophy"). Part of it is frugality; I simply don't get the ROI on overall happiness from most of the "hobbies" I once had. At this point, spending time with my family and focusing on my career (so I can retire earlier...to spend even more time with my family) is my life and I am very content with that.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by bloom2708 » Tue Sep 25, 2018 10:14 am

Buckle up for "the ride" once you have kids. You haven't seen any "change" yet. :wink: :shock: :o

For me, when hobbies start to feel like "w*rk", then it is time to re-evaluate.

For about 13 years I trained for and ran a lot of 5k, 10k, 1/2 marathons, full marathons (6). It was a challenge and forced me to use my time very wisely. Nothing like running races to improve your fitness.

A few years back, it started to feel like real w*rk. I still enjoyed running, but dropped paying for races and filling up my weekend mornings with races. Kind of a relief.

When you have kids, going golfing for 6 hours while your spouse is at home with a baby or 2 might not feel like as much fun. Some have filters that say "maybe I can't go golfing all day" or "maybe I can't go hunting all weekend" when kids are in the picture. Others don't have that filter and feel the deserve the break. As long as the spouse gets similar breaks of the same duration, you can make it work.

I incorporate (fewer) hobbies into my day. I love biking. I bike to work every day I can. I don't "have" to bike to work. I "want" to bike to work. I actually don't like driving to work.

It is natural to drop hobbies as they become less intriguing or more time/cost consuming. Sometimes you do something, check the box and move on. Other things stick with you. I'm never not reading a book. I don't envision any time where I stop reading something. I can do it for 5 min or 1 hour or skip days. My book will wait.

So not cheap, very normal, be prepared to further adjust when kids are running around. :D
"We are not here to please, but to provoke thoughtfulness." --Unknown Boglehead

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by FireFool » Tue Sep 25, 2018 10:43 am

I'm first going to reiterate another reply before I give my two cents -

"At 33, I would not be concerned about aging being the cause. I would be concerned about depression or an unhealthy obsession with finances.

If you can safely rule out those two issues, I would not be concerned about it and would proceed with my life."

With that said hobbies should "bring joy" to you, whether it be the activity itself or the joy you get in seeing/supporting joy of the people you have relationships with (e.g. spouse, children, and to a much lesser extent other family and friends). Being older than you (and already retired) I can say life can be short, and the older you get the more selective you get in the finite commodity of your time. How you spend your time should enhance your overall well being, whether it be the activity itself bring you joy or the relationships doing that activity maintains. An example being I'm not a religious person but I attend weekly services because of the joy it brings my wife. I don't hate the hour I spend each week, I tolerate it by treating it as an hour of self-meditation. I do it because it supports the positive relationship I have with my wife = which brings me joy. If my wife were to pre-decease me I will probably go for a weekly bike ride or do some other activity in it's stead. Good friends of ours are really into golf. It would probably enhance our relationship if we were to golf with them. I detest golf - I don't have the attention span, interest or ability for that game (i.e. I can't even tolerate the game). My friends know we will always turn down any golf related interactions with them but we seek our other activities to maintain the relationship that can bring us joy - e.g. skiing, theater and dining, and in some cases agree to some things/causes important to them that we are willing to tolerate (e.g. benefit dinners) for the other joyful aspects of our relationship with them. I think the key here is to make certain that you are doing things that bring joy and not going into hermit/miser mode.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by MJS » Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:29 am

Your younger self's hobbies were not only about activity, but also involved company, companionship, and community. Now you are married, have work colleagues, a meditation group. Your new activities are more solitary. Maybe you need that time alone (classic introvert.)

Running & archery can be combined with meditation, since some on-going physical activity is valuable.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:05 pm

Thanks for the responses! Based on the nature of many of the replies it appears my post implied more angst than I intended. I’m not stressed by these feelings just paying attention to them, and am still unsure how to react, either to embrace and chill out on hobbies that no longer have the draw or to push through for a bit and see if the passion revives. I find it interesting that I have this conflict on pursuing extracurricular activities and assumed, correctly it appears, that others might have experienced it as well and I was interested in some of the forum members’ thoughts.

I know many of the activities I listed are physical, but I am by no means giving up physical activity. Cycling, running, and lifting weights are priorities in my life. If I do not exercise for 3 or 4 days in a row I just don’t function as well. The concerns about depression are not unfounded, I have experienced in the past and it runs in my family. This is why exercise and a clean diet are so important for me and probably why I have interest in meditation. But I honestly feel like I am in a positive head space these days I just feel I am not getting enough return on my time/energy investment on some of my hobbies and for some reason am hesitant to quit pursuing them even though it does not make logical sense to me.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:07 pm

Texanbybirth wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:14 pm
I’m your age with 2 (soon to be 3) young kids. My hobbies have been petty steady for about 15 years: running, weight lifting, watching movies, ice hockey (fan and player), reading, writing. I’ve never wondered whether I’m wasting time (or money) on them, but then again none of these hobbies is very expensive. I’ve always been a cheap date and have never had a lot of money. My wife encourages them because she knows they’re part of who I am, and they keep me mentally and physically (somewhat) healthy for her and our children. In fact, it’s nice to have another person to whom you’re responsible, who can call you out on the things are taking away from or adding value to your (and their) life. What does you wife think about your current predicament?

(I don’t consideration prayer or worship [probably analogous to your “meditation”] as hobbies. They make up an even more important part of who I am.)
My wife understands my need for exercise and interest in fitness/nutrition. These are interest we share, pursue together and are almost certainly positive use of time/energy. However, she would probably prefer I focus less on hunting, as it can eat up time and energy and is more of an individual sport/hobby. But we do love fresh venison.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:09 pm

kjvmartin wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 10:07 pm
I'm of a similar age and find myself struggling with hobbies. The things I used to like to do before being responsible for a family of 5 are mostly too time consuming, or expensive, or impractical. Most of the interests I had only hold me if I can throw myself into them "full tilt" and complete everything.

It's just a fact of life for me.
The ‘full tilt’ is part of my issue with hobbies. If I am going to pursue them I want to go all out, learn and compare myself to the best, but do to practical time limitations I cannot achieve that level of dedication so it leaves me a bit frustrated, which is obviously counterproductive to the point of a hobby.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:12 pm

queso wrote:
Tue Sep 25, 2018 8:23 am
Prob both. Same thing here. Spent almost all my 20s and early 30s running all over the place doing nothing but hobbies/sports, but now it seems I spend a lot of my free time working on the house/yard/vehicles so my hobbies are becoming more sedate, less frequent and less time/travel intensive. I think it was the concomitant increase of responsibilities at work coupled with getting married and moving from an easy to maintain townhouse to a much larger single family home with a yard. Between the office and maintaining the house/yard I am pretty tired at the end of the week and often have at least 1-3 projects on my weekend calendar (mulch, clean gutters, mow, fix <insert thing that broke here>, etc.) so grabbing gear and heading off on an adventure over the weekend just doesn't seem like it's in the cards for me as much anymore. I do feel a lot of stress over it though. Sometimes I'll reorganize my gear closets and just looking at all the stuff and thinking about what I could be off doing makes me feel really lazy and leaves me questioning whether I have made the right choices. I have tried to sell off gear for some hobbies/sports that has a shelf life either due to obsolescence or lack of use so I at least don't have as much sitting around staring at me. It's really been a tough transition for me though since I think I do better mentally and physically if I have a hobby I am borderline obsessive about that consumes a lot of my free time outside the office. I am hoping that scotch, Netflix and good books can help ease the transition from Alex Lowe to Al Bundy. :happy
I wrote the OP before bow season started but getting my gear all set up and hitting the woods really did bring back good memories and recharged my hunting passion. Although after the weekend away and many miles on the vehicle, is it really a better use of time than say pursuing more education or any of the other countless options we have these days with the internet? That’s where my doubts start to creep in. Scotch, Netflix, and good books sounds like a great glide path from mountaineering to family life. :sharebeer

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:13 pm

Cycle wrote:
Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:08 am
You're just prioritizing what is truly important to you. Becoming wise.

I also no longer find as much joy in the competitive races. Ive done many Ironmans and marathons. I know it's the training I enjoy the most, so I only do 1 organized xc ski and 1 trail run race a year. I exercise 6-7 days a week, but much of this is just my bike commute.

I find learning never gets old, and so I do a lot of MOOCs to develop skills that I could use at work in a different role. I'm mechanical, but study programming.

Playing music never gets old either.

In the last two years, I sold my golf clubs, downhill skis, class xc skis ( still skate), hockey gear, snowboard.

I've also gotten rid of many tools and my car, as im not so into diy repairs anymore. Not to sound like a snob, but that stuff I'd rather pay someone to do so I can spend my free time working on higher level skills or relaxing.
MOOCs and things of this nature are what have me questioning my past hobbies. Just the opportunity of the internet, learning new skills, writing a blog, participating in stimulating forum conversations all seem to me like they could be more ‘productive’ than say trying to be the best archer, mtber, or whatever. I could just exercise to the extent of my fitness needs, not worry about being competitive in any manner, and pursue higher learning and online interaction.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by LadyGeek » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:13 pm

This thread is now in the Personal Consumer Issues forum (how we spend our money and our time).
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:15 pm

Irisheyes wrote:
Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:30 am
I never really had a use for hobbies. All my focused efforts at anything have always had some ultimate larger goal in sight.

I loved reading/literature but always with the end goal of making a career out of it and becoming a professor. I love gardening, but can't be bothered with flowers/shrubs and only have interest if the garden is producing vegetables and fruits for the table. I love cooking but see it as a productive way to feed my family healthily and inexpensively. I make myself go walking because of the health benefits.

I don't think this is a positive aspect of my personality.

Lately though, I too have taken up meditation and think that might be one way out of the drive towards "productivity".
I can really relate to your sentiments. I somewhat feel that is more my personality, definitely my thoughts on gardening and cooking. However, my closest friends from ages 15-22 were hobbiest and I went along with the crowd. Then in my 20’s instead of pursuing my career to the fullest extent I did my job and did it well but focused mainly on races, backpacking, hunting and fitness. Now I think I am realizing the roi on hobbies is less than on human capital etc.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Enganerd » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:19 pm

Texanbybirth wrote:
Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:39 am
Lots of people here mentioning kids and other family obligations getting in the way of their hobbies. I get that, but OP doesn't have kids. I'm guessing there's a big dose of obsession over finances mixed with some mild depression or other psychological issue: "loss of motivation", "sense of guilt", "pang of guilt". The post also ends with unnecessary financial info, which could have been summarized as "finances are on track, so we could really afford the hobbies I don't care about anymore."
You’re correct I do not currently have kids. Although I do have a german shepherd puppy and she actually requires considerable time and attention. She is a good addition to the family and hopefully will help prepare us with the right mindset for the real deal and she will be great companion for the baby. You’re computer chair psychoanalysis might have some validity. I really did not mean to imply such anguish over changing priorities as it comes to using free time. But I do obsess over finances and have been depressed in the past. Some of the phrases in your quotation marks were intended to describe the conflict with some dramatic humor. And the financial stuff at was simply an after thought to the post. I thought well how would others judge whether saving money by not spending on races, shoes, driving to hunting location etc. should be a priority if they don’t know my financial picture. So I threw that quick summary up there partly because I have never taken the time to do one of those how am I doing posts with our complete financial details.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Alexa9 » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:34 pm

Hobbies are very cyclical and dependent on my mood and the season. I will pick up new hobbies or revisit old ones at seemingly random times.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by Finridge » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:35 pm

Enganerd wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:52 pm
These past few years I have noticed I am losing a passion for hobbies (such as amateur running competitions, hunting, travel, archery and etc). This could be age and/or life-stage related, I am a 33M and my wife and I are looking to start a family soon. There are several explanations for this loss of motivation to aggressively pursue hobbies but one that deals with Boglehead principles is frugality. I find myself reasoning: why put considerable time and effort (could be used to make $ or pursue marketable skills) into pursuing a hobby that comes at an expense. I feel I should save expenses for the necessities of life or things I really really want to do, not things I used to enjoy and now feel a sense of obligation to continue to pursue. ...

Have any of you felt these sentiments? How do/did you handle them? Any advice?
What you are experiencing is entirely normal. It's a form of male "nesting" behavior. Think of it as "phase shift" into your parenting/child-rearing stage. It is completely normal and natural to shift your financial, emotional and time resources towards this coming challenge. I saw this in myself, and in my friends. In this new phase, you now see your old bachelor-day hobbies as "selfish" and not very useful. Your focus has shifted.

After the children you have get older, you will find new hobbies that involve them. And as they get older and more independent (and especially after the "leave the nest"), you will once again find yourself more interested in more "selfish" hobbies again, including some of your old hobbies.

As someone else already mentioned the whole point of a hobby is that it is something that you do for fun, not because you have to. Don't force it and turn your hobbies into chores.

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by knightrider » Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:30 am

I find the older I get the more jaded I feel. It takes a lot more to "excite" me since I've seen it all before.. Also as we age we realize we are never going to be "great" in any of our hobbies..

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by dumbbunny » Wed Sep 26, 2018 9:11 am

Not gonna play psychologist here but you might be going through a phase. My life is one phase after another. Some phases I nurture as I find another and other phases die. It drives my wife (and friends) nuts wondering which phase I'm going through (or starting).
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by livesoft » Wed Sep 26, 2018 9:38 am

knightrider wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:30 am
Also as we age we realize we are never going to be "great" in any of our hobbies..
That may be true for some hobbies, but for many other hobbies the patience, experience, and wisdom that comes with age are supreme advantages. I'm thinking woodworking might be such a hobby.
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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by mancich » Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:38 am

Don't be too hard on yourself. Interest in hobbies will ebb and flow, like much in life. If you are currently enjoying meditation and reading, then just focus there for now. Once you start a family your available time for optional activities will go down anyway. Enjoy :beer

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Re: Losing Passion for Hobbies. Cheap or normal aging?

Post by livesoft » Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:44 am

mancich wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:38 am
Once you start a family your available time for optional activities will go down anyway. Enjoy :beer
Maybe not? For instance, I really enjoyed coaching youth sports as a hobby. With kids, it is a little easier to get that hobby going.
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