Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

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z91
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by z91 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 11:52 am

epilnk wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 6:17 pm
z91 wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 5:52 pm
This is BH..of course all the women are cognizant of retirement funds and how much power an early investment of this amount can bring.
And the men are not?
Both men and women signed into this website care about saving money and retiring early. Of that, I'd say 95% of people understand the nuances of purchasing a diamond and why it's not "worth it" (e.g., marketing, artificial scarcity, etc..).

You say that you can easily tell if it's a woman or man posting. I'd wager 95% of the women here don't care about diamonds, and more so about retirement, so you will easily spot those responses. For men, it's hit or miss as even though they care about retirement, their spouses may or may not be on the same boat. So you'll see a mixture of responses there, but more so of men saying "it's worth it," myself included.

Just an opinion that could be completely wrong.

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knpstr
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by knpstr » Fri Jul 27, 2018 12:18 pm

Maverick3320 wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 9:34 am
Do people actually pass down wedding rings through the generations? If so, what are they doing with them? Obviously most of them aren't being re-used as wedding rings, or we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Yes, sometimes people keep them in a box -- tell stories to their heirs, "this was your great grandmothers ring". Sometimes the stone gets re-purposed into a necklace or a new ring to be worn on a different finger -- or sometimes the same stone is placed into a new wedding ring.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius

fasteddie911
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by fasteddie911 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 1:40 pm

What I did was buy a generic $5 ring for the actual proposal. After, my wife picked out the exact ring she wanted. We're both pretty frugal and practical, she decided against the diamond ring and got a gold ring with a large precious stone surrounded by tiny diamonds. An equivalent diamond ring would've been thousands, we spent less than 1k. I too don't understand expensive diamond rings but I would've paid for a modest diamond ring. I'm really glad she got the ring she did, not only for cost, but it's a very attractive and unique ring and she always gets compliments.

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sergeant
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by sergeant » Fri Jul 27, 2018 2:33 pm

Arinbjorn wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 11:11 pm
Moissanite.

Not as cheap as CZ, but just as good as diamond (perhaps slightly better in some regards, such as light refraction.)

My wife's engagement ring has a 2 carat moissanite round center stone, expertly cut, set in platinum. She loves it, other people love it. They assume because I work in the medical field that I paid huge money - really, couple thousand dollars. An equivalent ring in diamond would cost as much as my modest Midwest home.

We both like that moissanite is lab manufactored, avoiding ethical issues with diamonds. I researched this hard - it seems there is no way to absolutely be positive that your symbol of love (if diamond) wasn't mined by some starving kids being run by a local warlord.
+1. Diamonds can be terrible for many people and the land.
Lincoln 3 EOW! AA 40/60.

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Toons
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Toons » Fri Jul 27, 2018 2:53 pm

"One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity" –Bruce Lee

andypanda
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by andypanda » Fri Jul 27, 2018 3:04 pm

Pricescope is good. The Rocktalky forum has good advice on not only what makes a very good cut, but selecting between the various colors and clarities. Be aware that many of the on line vendors are selling from wholesale lists that they do NOT own, and it many cases have not even seen. Others have in house diamonds that they have selected for their brand. I shopped locally - nothing but low quality and high prices.

Laboratory diamonds are more and more available and De Beers just announced that they will be undercutting all of the current lab grown prices as soon as their factory is up and running in Oregon. They're talking $800 per carat, with limited selection and no stones over one carat.

If you pick a vendor that knows where they source their diamonds you can ease your mind that you're supporting some dirt poor African who is supporting his family by scratching in the ground. There are numerous choices from around the world.

Me? I bought an engagement ring in April from Whiteflash.com in Houston. One of their so-called Super Ideal cut round stones. Pricescope has info along with a variety of diamond related blogs that pop up with a google search on super ideal cut. Cut is king; that's where you get the sparkle, flashes of fire and all the good stuff. You don't need the colorless diamonds to look good, only a great cut.

I'm retired. I could afford it. She's happy and everyone loves it and the positive comments keep on coming.

I had this diamond www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/round ... 955177.htm set in a platinum Vatache U-113 (similar to the famous Tiffany 6-prong setting.) For those who don't want to click - A 1.514 F VVS2 round. And the flashes of color in the video are easily visible in real life.

It's only money.

xrvision
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by xrvision » Fri Jul 27, 2018 3:09 pm

I'm very frugal, don't buy expensive jewelry/clothes/purses, don't take expensive vacations, etc. I'm not an obsessed-with-diamonds kinda gal (the kinda gal that everyone seems to be judging on this thread :D ).

I ADORE my engagement ring. It's expensive (I don't know how much and I never want to know). I know nothing about diamonds. But I love the thought and care my husband took in picking it out for me.

You said you're financially on the same page. You also said she'd love the ring. You said you'd like it to be a surprise. I think you have your answer!

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Darth Xanadu
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Darth Xanadu » Fri Jul 27, 2018 3:55 pm

"A courageous teacher, failure is."

Hastelloy
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Hastelloy » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:24 pm

As an aerospace machinist, the least I can do is assure you that no diamond is perfectly symmetrical.

nasrullah
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by nasrullah » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:25 pm

MortgageOnBlack wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:13 pm
I've spent many months on Blue Nile and I can't push myself to pull the trigger on an engagement ring. :|

Although I'm sure my girl would be extremely happy. To me, it's a complete waste of money.

How can I get over this? The current ring I'm looking at 1.1 Carat, round diamond, color I, VS2, Perfect Symmetry, Polish, proportions, in a beautiful Solitaire is going to run me nearly $7800. very minimal inclusions; eye-clean. The ring is perfect!! I love the ring and I'm sure she would, but I can't do it.

Any advice? Will this purchase seem like peanuts as time passes?
Diamond rings are worthless - except to the people they belong to. Quantify the financial value of your relationship. How much is your girlfriend worth to you? What is she worth as a wife to you?

It's impossible to do and the wrong thing to ask.

Engagement rings are symbols of love and a reflection of the people giving them and wearing them. If she's the right girl, over spend on her as often as you can. It's worth every penny.
"We have a lot to do, and very little time, so we must work slowly." Liviu Ciulei | | Thanks vineviz (https://www.bogleheads.org/forum/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=134698) for the quote.

KlangFool
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by KlangFool » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:34 pm

Folks,

In some other cultures, instead of the diamond ring, they use the gold ring and give gold jewelry. To each its own.

KlangFool

Caduceus
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Caduceus » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:40 pm

I think you should talk to her about it and maybe the both of you can reach a better understanding of where you are both coming from. And I don't think it's a gendered thing either. As a gay couple, we are having very different expectations of not only the engagement ring but other things too. I would prefer a small, simple wedding by the beach and he would like something grander.

I was very reluctant to spend big on things like the ring, and he was actually happy to tone down his expectations, but as I talked to him, I realized that the significance was primarily emotional for him. He had grown up in a time assuming he'd be alone his entire life and he had a tougher childhood than I did. Everything surrounding the wedding represents for him a fulfillment of a dream come true in a way that doesn't really resonate for me as I have very simple tastes.

Also, you might be surprised by what you think she wants or doesn't want by a frank conversation. It's funny, but the day I came home from work and told him I had thought about it and he should go ahead and have the dream wedding he wants, he told me he was about to tell me that he had decided he was OK with having everything simple ... so we are settling for something in the middle, rings and all.

epoxyresin
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by epoxyresin » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:54 pm

Arinbjorn wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 11:11 pm
Moissanite.

Not as cheap as CZ, but just as good as diamond (perhaps slightly better in some regards, such as light refraction.)

My wife's engagement ring has a 2 carat moissanite round center stone, expertly cut, set in platinum. She loves it, other people love it. They assume because I work in the medical field that I paid huge money - really, couple thousand dollars. An equivalent ring in diamond would cost as much as my modest Midwest home.

We both like that moissanite is lab manufactored, avoiding ethical issues with diamonds. I researched this hard - it seems there is no way to absolutely be positive that your symbol of love (if diamond) wasn't mined by some starving kids being run by a local warlord.
Funny you should say that. I'm a chemist, work with wafers of silicon carbide on a pretty regular basis (what Moissanite is). Sometimes I tell my girlfriend that I'm gonna propose with a scrap from lab. Lot cheaper than buying it as a gemstone (of course, it's also got a noticeable amber tint. And it's in 0.7 mm sheets. Hard to make that look good on a ring).

But for real to the original poster: you should get some idea of what your girlfriend wants. That doesn't need to be bringing her to the store with you, you could ask some general questions, or talk to her friends.

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plantingourpennies
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by plantingourpennies » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:58 pm

What an odd thread.

OP has managed to ask everybody in the world except the one person that has the answer and would happily share it-his finance.

Good luck OP! :sharebeer

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unclescrooge
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by unclescrooge » Fri Jul 27, 2018 5:31 pm

I bought a loose 1 carat vvs2 round cut diamond from blue Nile. I then bought the empty ring at Robbins Brothers and had them set it it.

The benefit is they offer free ring cleaning, something your wife will want to do every 12-18 months.

genedios966
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by genedios966 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 6:36 pm

fasteddie911 wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 1:40 pm
What I did was buy a generic $5 ring for the actual proposal. After, my wife picked out the exact ring she wanted. We're both pretty frugal and practical, she decided against the diamond ring and got a gold ring with a large precious stone surrounded by tiny diamonds. An equivalent diamond ring would've been thousands, we spent less than 1k. I too don't understand expensive diamond rings but I would've paid for a modest diamond ring. I'm really glad she got the ring she did, not only for cost, but it's a very attractive and unique ring and she always gets compliments.
My wife picked hers out too. The way I figured, I wanted her to have something she would like. And, while I know what her tastes are in other areas, I had no idea what type of ring she would like.
I would not worry about cost too much. I would recommend avoiding any temptation to cheap out and also break the bank. In the end, it is up to you. I can't remember the cost.

Good luck
"The shortest route to wealth is the contempt of wealth." ~ Seneca

TheDDC
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by TheDDC » Fri Jul 27, 2018 6:41 pm

cj2018 wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:50 pm
MortgageOnBlack wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:13 pm
I've spent many months on Blue Nile and I can't push myself to pull the trigger on an engagement ring. :|

Although I'm sure my girl would be extremely happy. To me, it's a complete waste of money.

How can I get over this? The current ring I'm looking at 1.1 Carat, round diamond, color I, VS2, Perfect Symmetry, Polish, proportions, in a beautiful Solitaire is going to run me nearly $7800. very minimal inclusions; eye-clean. The ring is perfect!! I love the ring and I'm sure she would, but I can't do it.

Any advice? Will this purchase seem like peanuts as time passes?
Dude, buy the ring! (assuming it won't cost you a fortune like over 50% of NW).

Yes, it's a terrible consumer purchase and diamond engagement ring will be worth absolutely $0 once you buy it since there's no resale value for it. But the long term ROI of a lovely wife and happy family is priceless.

PS: speaking as someone who spent a low six-figure on Harry Winston ring.
I wouldn't go that far on resale. I bought two engagement rings in my life and had to return a setting over a year later after a broken engagement. Played hardball but got the jeweler to just reuse (aka BOGLEHEAD) the diamond. My fiance (now wife) picked out the Platinum setting. Then I got the jeweler to pay me near retail price (better than spot) on the on year 1.5 year old white gold setting I was getting rid of. So I cannibalised a ring and did pretty well with resale value! You do want to go for good resale value as rings are just precious metals and stones (commodities) in the long run.

EDIT: I would recommend from experience letting the lady choose a setting. Diamond is your choice.

-TheDDC
Refreshingly, a double barrel shotgun blast of truth...

NextMil
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by NextMil » Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:33 pm

MortgageOnBlack wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:13 pm
I've spent many months on Blue Nile and I can't push myself to pull the trigger on an engagement ring. :|

Although I'm sure my girl would be extremely happy. To me, it's a complete waste of money.

How can I get over this? The current ring I'm looking at 1.1 Carat, round diamond, color I, VS2, Perfect Symmetry, Polish, proportions, in a beautiful Solitaire is going to run me nearly $7800. very minimal inclusions; eye-clean. The ring is perfect!! I love the ring and I'm sure she would, but I can't do it.

Any advice? Will this purchase seem like peanuts as time passes?
Yes, buy it, and don’t look back. Blue Nile is solid. This is a sunk cost, and no getting around it. I put mine on plastic and had to make payments on it. You don’t want to be in that spot. It will be in the rear view quickly.

theplayer11
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by theplayer11 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:50 pm

someone who "expects" a large expensive ring is maybe someone you don't want to marry.. :D

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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by joe8d » Fri Jul 27, 2018 8:18 pm

Jack FFR1846 wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:19 pm
Two Words: Cubic Zirconia

And one more: Elope
:thumbsup
All the Best, | Joe

ellvizzle
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by ellvizzle » Fri Jul 27, 2018 8:27 pm

Sounds like you're getting a lot of feedback. From my experience, it would have been impossible for my now husband to have selected a ring for me and he knew it (errm he knows me well--I have precise stylistic opinions). I don't think there is any one right way to do things these days. We certainly discussed marriage prior to our "mutual proposal" and we went to a goldsmith together to design a ring in our mutually determined budget. And then later we celebrated our decision to engage in our own way. Sorry, it wasn't a surprise, but I am happy, he is happy, we are still married and in love :) . I recommend following what works for you both.

andypanda
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by andypanda » Fri Jul 27, 2018 8:32 pm

"When I saw it, my first thought was "rock salt". That's what it looked like."

Also known as frozen spit.

www.pricescope.com/community/threads/wh ... pit.10942/

One response from 2003:

"The United States Department of Defense sold off its large supply of "industrial diamonds".
Not long after that there was a huge supply of very very cheap diamond jewelry. On the wholesale level this stuff sells for $50 or less per carat and I am talking about diamonds that are already faceted, not rough.

Most diamonds that are mined out of the diamond pipes, not the alluvial deposits in the rivers and the sea, are industrial diamonds that never get used in the jewelry industry. These industrial diamonds were funneled to the industrial needs. When the Pentagon auctioned off its industrial diamonds guess who had the highest bid for many of the lots?

Cheap rough + cheap labor = frozen spit I5 clarity diamonds. How do you think a 5ct total weight diamond bracelet in 14kt yellow gold can sell for $495? And they still make a profit! You can see the Christmas TV adds."

Nissanzx1
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Nissanzx1 » Fri Jul 27, 2018 8:35 pm

I spent $5500 4 years ago 1.03CT with custom WG setting she designed with a local jeweler. Stone came direct from Israel from eBay.

She loves it, and I love her so I didn't mind. I spend so much on watches for myself, I probably should have spent more.

I will get her an upgrade stone probably for the 5 or 10 year. I buy her Estate jewelry all the time... mostly from Pawn Shops...

remomnyc
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by remomnyc » Fri Jul 27, 2018 9:04 pm

I really hope she loves it, but I'm surprised whenever anyone gives someone a ring without consulting the recipient, unless it's a family heirloom being passed down. The surprise should be the proposal, not the ring. My husband also assumed I wanted a ring, but he proposed without one because he knows how opinionated I am and asked me to go shopping with him. He was surprised when he discovered I didn't want one. OP, I know you already purchased it, but for those who haven't, it's too much money to spend without input from your "better" half.

Edit: I have a number of friends who dislike their ring or didn't want a ring, but none of them said anything to their husbands because it was obviously important to him. Think Gift of the Magi.

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ResearchMed
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by ResearchMed » Fri Jul 27, 2018 9:27 pm

remomnyc wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 9:04 pm
I really hope she loves it, but I'm surprised whenever anyone gives someone a ring without consulting the recipient, unless it's a family heirloom being passed down. The surprise should be the proposal, not the ring. My husband also assumed I wanted a ring, but he proposed without one because he knows how opinionated I am and asked me to go shopping with him. He was surprised when he discovered I didn't want one. OP, I know you already purchased it, but for those who haven't, it's too much money to spend without input from your "better" half.

Edit: I have a number of friends who dislike their ring or didn't want a ring, but none of them said anything to their husbands because it was obviously important to him. Think Gift of the Magi.
OP's fiancee-to-be hopefully will know that the stone can be returned.

But it would be nice if they can go to a nice jeweler's with the stone and see if there is some setting that appeals, or something that can be designed... OR a decision is made to return the stone and "do something else".

I'm also assuming that OP knows, if not precisely what type of ring she'd like, that she has *not* declared that she hates the idea of engagement rings or such. But IF that turns out to be the case, then they can return the stone and celebrate with some other special remembrance of the engagement.

Given general social trends, chances are good that this would be something that she'd be delighted with... at the very least, the gesture, and probably the ring.

Let's try not to spoil it for the OP, which is the sense I'm getting.
The engagement is *theirs*, not that of any of us.


RM
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Hulu
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Hulu » Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:13 pm

If you're having a hard time with it I'd listen to that feeling. And if you're truly compatible financially then she would have the same reservations. Could mean you're talking yourself into major purchase that you'll resent. Or even worse.

GCD
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by GCD » Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:17 pm

fasteddie911 wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 1:40 pm
What I did was buy a generic $5 ring for the actual proposal. After, my wife picked out the exact ring she wanted.
I also did this. My wife still keeps the $5.99 ring I bought at 7-11 in the safe because she is so attached to it. Doing it this way preserves the surprise but lets the woman pick out the ring. She's gonna be the one wearing it, let her pick it out.

I spent a lot on the ring, but to each his own. I understand the people who rebel against this though.

youngin87
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by youngin87 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:09 am

Diamonds are a scam where the American people have brainwashed to buy. Even with the Kimberly Process, there is a chance the diamond you buy has been supporting war and conflict. If I were to ever propose, I would buy a synthetic diamond or cubic zirconia.

truenorth418
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by truenorth418 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:29 am

You’ll only get married once in your life, and you’ll be married to this person until you die, so you should make sure to start off on the right foot.

Absolutely spend this money on the engagement ring! Maybe more! After all, as the saying goes “Happy wife, happy life!”

After all, she’s going to want to show off that ring to all of her friends and family. And don’t forget her Facebook and Instagram friends - she’ll want to post a photo of a ring that attracts as much envy and thumbs ups as possible, right?

Now, I also believe in gender equality. What is your partner going to buy for you for the same price? A new fishing boat? A motorcycle? A top of the line home entertainment center? Wait- you’re a Boglehead- maybe you just want her to buy you the equivalent amount of money invested in VTi or VXUS (under your name, of course, not that you’re planning to get divorced- because that won’t happen, right?)

Ok maybe you can sense the sarcasm in these comments. I am using sarcasm to make a point. Here’s my real advice - buy an engagement ring YOU are comfortable with. Remember that it is a gift and if you ever split up, she gets to keep the ring. If you sense that she would be unhappy with the size and type of ring that YOU feel comfortable with, then that’s a sign that she’s probably not the type of person you should be signing up with.

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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by A440 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:39 am

jebmke wrote:
Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:16 pm
I receive a dividend every day on the "investment" in my spouse's ring. Every once in a while there is a capital gain distribution when someone notices her ring and she smiles and shows it off.
+1 I like this. I'll have to remember this quote when/if my boys ever get to the point of purchasing an engagement ring.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future.

indexonlyplease
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by indexonlyplease » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:57 am

Buy her the larget ring you can afford if you are serious about marriage. You will get it back if you don't get married. But don't forget the most important thing before you get married "the prenup". Good for both of you in the long run.

Also, I purchased my wife a 2 ct ring 25 years ago. She still wears it. But her favorite ring is the one my son bought her from the bubble gum machine when he was 5 and asked her to marry him. She still wears it today and he is now 22 yrs old.

So, it is not about the ring but who is giving the ring.

BobStrauss
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by BobStrauss » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am

As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.

I would also suggest finding a local jeweler with a good reputation, one you can discuss things with. I went with one from my hometown that's been in business for 138 years. For one, a local jeweler can provide an additional emotional connection with the ring. It adds to the experience - like eating at a pizzeria vs cooking Digiorno at home. They also helped me design a custom band, and actually showed me how the various aspects of diamond ratings affect the look. I ended up purchasing a far different diamond than I might have otherwise, and I feel like a got a much better bang for my buck. On top of that, each time we visit my hometown we can drop in to the store to get the ring polished for free. Resizing is also complimentary whenever that's needed.

Whatever you decide, try not to stress out too much over $7-8k. It's the choosing a partner for life that is of far greater magnitude. Good luck!

Freefun
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Freefun » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:05 am

My vote is get it, although being single lowers my credibility somewhat.

It would be funny if OP's fiancé was on this forum.
Even funnier if she replied.
Remember when you wanted what you currently have?

stoptothink
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Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by stoptothink » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:21 am

truenorth418 wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:29 am
You’ll only get married once in your life, and you’ll be married to this person until you die, so you should make sure to start off on the right foot.

Absolutely spend this money on the engagement ring! Maybe more! After all, as the saying goes “Happy wife, happy life!”

After all, she’s going to want to show off that ring to all of her friends and family. And don’t forget her Facebook and Instagram friends - she’ll want to post a photo of a ring that attracts as much envy and thumbs ups as possible, right?

Now, I also believe in gender equality. What is your partner going to buy for you for the same price? A new fishing boat? A motorcycle? A top of the line home entertainment center? Wait- you’re a Boglehead- maybe you just want her to buy you the equivalent amount of money invested in VTi or VXUS (under your name, of course, not that you’re planning to get divorced- because that won’t happen, right?)

Ok maybe you can sense the sarcasm in these comments. I am using sarcasm to make a point. Here’s my real advice - buy an engagement ring YOU are comfortable with. Remember that it is a gift and if you ever split up, she gets to keep the ring. If you sense that she would be unhappy with the size and type of ring that YOU feel comfortable with, then that’s a sign that she’s probably not the type of person you should be signing up with.
END OF THREAD. Just because it is the norm, doesn't make it any less ridiculous. If you are willing to spend the money and she actually cares (a lot of women don't, my wife being one), why spend all this time and energy trying to read her mind? Get her a $2 silicon engagement ring for the proposal and then let her pick what she wants. If she doesn't...jackpot.

stoptothink
Posts: 6520
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:53 am

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by stoptothink » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am

BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.

jbuzolich
Posts: 330
Joined: Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:52 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by jbuzolich » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:55 am

My wife got mad at me and negotiated back from the original engagement ring I was building at Blue Nile. She would have wanted even less than we settled on but I was kind of into gems in high school so I had some minimum specs that I wanted. Still though she talked me back to the lowest I could do. Yet one more reason I knew she was right for me. Ten year anniversary coming here in early August.

supalong52
Posts: 170
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:51 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by supalong52 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:58 am

stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.
I don't take that statement as being judgmental. A woman who doesn't care about a ring will still get tons of questions about it from friends and co-workers. Society puts a great deal of importance on diamond rings, and the recipients of such rings are more likely to be conditioned to care about them as status symbols.

stoptothink
Posts: 6520
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:53 am

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by stoptothink » Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:04 am

supalong52 wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:58 am
stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.
I don't take that statement as being judgmental. A woman who doesn't care about a ring will still get tons of questions about it from friends and co-workers. Society puts a great deal of importance on diamond rings, and the recipients of such rings are more likely to be conditioned to care about them as status symbols.
I was willing (and could afford) pretty much whatever she wanted yet my wife ended up choosing a morganite and had it set in a band she already had, costed <$400. I bet if you asked her, she would totally disagree with you and she is the prototype of the the women you would expect would care (extremely social, spends a ton of time on how she looks/dresses, works in tech sales). It is as easy as asking.

KlangFool
Posts: 14147
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 12:35 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by KlangFool » Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:06 am

supalong52 wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:58 am
stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.
I don't take that statement as being judgmental. A woman who doesn't care about a ring will still get tons of questions about it from friends and co-workers. Society puts a great deal of importance on diamond rings, and the recipients of such rings are more likely to be conditioned to care about them as status symbols.
supalong52,

Not in my social circle. We care more about Gold jewelry. We consider those with the diamond ring as folks that have no financial sense. A few thousand in gold jewelry will hold up in value much better than a diamond ring.

KlangFool

BobStrauss
Posts: 125
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:08 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by BobStrauss » Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:59 am

stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.
Not sure judgmental is the right word - perhaps “playing into generalizations” is fair. I’d still bet my nest egg that the woman who “doesn’t care” is the rare exception. I’d also wager that many women who claim not to care actually do to a varying extent, that they simply care more about their relationship than to cause friction or stress over a ring.

If you truly believe your girlfriend is against or completely indifferent to diamonds, gold, and jewelry in general, by all means save your money.

stoptothink
Posts: 6520
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:53 am

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by stoptothink » Sat Jul 28, 2018 12:27 pm

BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:59 am
stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.
Not sure judgmental is the right word - perhaps “playing into generalizations” is fair. I’d still bet my nest egg that the woman who “doesn’t care” is the rare exception. I’d also wager that many women who claim not to care actually do to a varying extent, that they simply care more about their relationship than to cause friction or stress over a ring.

If you truly believe your girlfriend is against or completely indifferent to diamonds, gold, and jewelry in general, by all means save your money.
:oops: There is no reason to "believe", all you have to do to know is to ask them. A few words made my wife a lot more happy and saved me thousands.

Broken Man 1999
Posts: 3472
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:31 am

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 5:27 pm

One SIL bought a daughter her ring from jewelry store where his sister worked. Another SIL bought a loose diamond and had it set for another daughter.

I was pretty impressed with both rings, big and beautiful.

When wife and I got married (47 years ago in November), I bought a ring with a diamond so small it was hardly even noticeable. A few years into our marriage, we were burglarized, and wife lost her rings. The replacement ring was much, much larger. And more expensive, but then our financial position was much, much better. I have since added another nice band with diamonds, reflecting our continued financial position.

OP, if you run with a crowd with some married couples, perhaps you can see what your wife sees on their fingers. Not that it should be a deciding factor, but they might be able to share what she might like.

Of course a better method might be to get an inexpensive plain band, as a "placeholder" and shop for the actual ring together.

Broken Man 1999
“If I cannot drink Bourbon and smoke cigars in Heaven than I shall not go. " -Mark Twain

BobStrauss
Posts: 125
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:08 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by BobStrauss » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:34 pm

stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 12:27 pm
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:59 am
stoptothink wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:25 am
BobStrauss wrote:
Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:00 am
As far as price goes, I don't think that's a crazy amount to spend. I was in roughly your same position a few years ago and purchased an engagement ring for about $8500. I consider it the best purchase I've ever made. Even a few months after I paid for it, I never gave the expense much thought. Viewed on a spreadsheet, of course it's a ridiculous waste of money. But women live in a world that places a great deal of focus on that ring, even though that may be unfair. We (men) can't really grasp that. You want her to have something she will feel proud, not sheepish, to show to her friends, family, and coworkers. They'll certainly be asking about it.
That final (bolded) statement is so judgmental. How many women in this thread alone have commented that they don't care; even a few who had wished their husband's had actually asked them before falling into that trap? It is as easy as asking her.
Not sure judgmental is the right word - perhaps “playing into generalizations” is fair. I’d still bet my nest egg that the woman who “doesn’t care” is the rare exception. I’d also wager that many women who claim not to care actually do to a varying extent, that they simply care more about their relationship than to cause friction or stress over a ring.

If you truly believe your girlfriend is against or completely indifferent to diamonds, gold, and jewelry in general, by all means save your money.
:oops: There is no reason to "believe", all you have to do to know is to ask them. A few words made my wife a lot more happy and saved me thousands.
I’m not sure you understood my previous post well. What I meant to convey is the idea that many people tell white lies, or simply withhold information (yes, even when directly asked), in order to maintain harmony. “Does this dress make me look fat?” Sure, You might get asked the question directly, but is everyone going to respond with absolute honesty?

Cycle
Posts: 1501
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:57 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Cycle » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:37 pm

I struggled with this as well. I decided to go with a 2.5ct diamond from Blue Nile for my DW. I think it was $19k 4 years ago. To me these silly stones are worthless, but my DW appreciates the shiny thing. If I had to wear one frequently I guess I'd want a big sparkly one, so that's what I purchased. Blue Nile would have exchanged it if we wanted, but DW was happy with it.

The ring was a small consolation for the life of extreme frugality my DW was getting herself into. We save 75% net. Net worth is 1.34MM at age 35. We have 1 car (7k), live in a 2br/1ba unit (paid $147.5k for it). No debt. Rent out the other half of our duplex, so our housing costs are negative. Save $175k/yr. We don't bother insuring the ring.

My wedding band is a steel one from eBay. $ .99 with shipping. I've got a few of them. I dropped one once on a plane and just didn't bother going back a couple rows to get it.

I have no regrets on the ring, and I am a man who experiences buyers remorse after 99.9% of my purchases, including my produce selections. Is this pomegranate going to be ripe, god willing?
Never look back unless you are planning to go that way

hille141
Posts: 46
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 4:55 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by hille141 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:53 pm

My wife picked hers out on Blue Nile. It was $3200. I told her it was too expensive but later bought it anyways.

Hers is just under 1 carat but split between three diamonds. Consider multiple small diamonds. once they get over .5 carat they go up in price exponentially.

Color, cut and clarity are all more important than carats.

spankasmurf
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:23 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by spankasmurf » Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:27 pm

Instead of a diamond engagement ring, my wife asked for $10K in AAPL stock. That was 12 yrs ago. She looks at her brokerage statement every month and smiles.

daveydoo
Posts: 1564
Joined: Sun May 15, 2016 1:53 am

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by daveydoo » Sat Jul 28, 2018 9:47 pm

Do not get a diamond. Do get a nice ring. Unheated blue sapphire is prettier and much rarer and much less commoditized; see this BH thread:

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=241669&p=3783468&h ... e#p3783468

After one day of wear -- meaning fingerprints, hand lotion, soap, etc. -- your ideal-cut F-color VVS1 will look like something a fraction of the cost. You can shine it right back up, but almost no one does after the first month.

This is how rare diamonds actually are:

https://www.msn.com/en-xl/asia/tech-sci ... ar-AAAe6ho

:D
"I mean, it's one banana, Michael...what could it cost? Ten dollars?"

Jefferson
Posts: 108
Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2018 1:37 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by Jefferson » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:58 pm

I didn’t read all the comments, so this may have been covered. Sounds like you want it to be a surprise, but you also want her to love it. Talk to her friends. Maybe even her mom. They know what she wants.

andypanda
Posts: 378
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:11 pm
Location: Richmond, Virginia

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by andypanda » Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:28 am

"We consider those with the diamond ring as folks that have no financial sense."

Talk about jumping to conclusions about people you don't know. Maybe they still have $5 million in the market, everything they own paid for, and a nice $23,000 ring, too.

Maybe you and your friends are just penny pinchers and predictably judgmental. Maybe not; I don't know you.

I offered to let her pick out a more expensive diamond from the ones I liked, and she liked the 1.5 carat far, far more than the way a 2 or 2+ looked on her hand. Size 5.5 fwiw. I wanted her to be happy with our choice, but I had to like the way it looked on her, too.

I don't know, maybe life really is about who dies with the most money piled up and unused. :oops:

PressIt
Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:44 pm

Re: Toughest Purchase of my Life. Engagement Ring time

Post by PressIt » Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:34 am

My wife is very frugal, and would have demanded I spent less than $500 or so on a ring. I ended up “splurging” for a 4.5k diamond and she absolutely loves it. She always comments she was never a jewelry person but she appreciates it now (I created a monster?).

I would just say if you’re going to buy something pricey, do your proper research. Pricescope was a good forum for me.. lots of knowledge on there.

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