Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

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Gardener
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Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Gardener »


Which type/style of shoes would you recommend for me, for the three activities I do below?


I recently posted a question about helping in building a wardrobe where I received a lot of good input.

Now, I need some advice on selecting shoes.

I am wondering if I can get away with one or two nice pairs (I am a bit of a minimalist) to fit in three situations I am in each week. Quick background, I am 35, now single,

Situation 1: Office Job Work
I work in an office environment three days a week. Dress is generally business casual, shirt and tie, or just button down shirt (more often than not). Khackis or slacks.

Situation 2: Side Business
This is more formal. Always shirt and tie. I wear a suit during the non-summer months. For this side business, I do a fair amount of walking in the city.

Situation 3: Dating
Usually takes place restaurants, nice bars, casual bars, sometimes a club. I prefer to wear nice jeans for this.

Thank you.
UpperNwGuy
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by UpperNwGuy »

Buy one pair of black and one pair of brown shoes. If the shoes will be multi-purpose, don't get a high-gloss shine, as that limits them to formal environments. On the other hand, don't get any shoes that have thick rubber, treaded soles. Girls consider such shoes inappropriate for anything but hiking. I would also avoid loafers or shoes that look like moccasins. I have found smooth-toed shoes (i.e., not moccasins, not wing-tips, not cap-toe) to be best. And, of course, no sneakers or anything resembling a sneaker.
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sunny_socal
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by sunny_socal »

I don't see the difference between the scenarios. Ecco shoes are excellent, they'll definitely fit [1] and [3], maybe you could look elsewhere if you really want something for [2] as well.
Yooper16
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Yooper16 »

Had Ecco shoes for a long time great for being on your feet. They used to make basic black styles that went well with suits.

Its been 16 years since my suit/tie days.
Used to wear a lot of Cole Haan shoes-- quality was top/notch. Sytle was traditional but with a bit of extra punch.

Get one pair black dressey
One pair of casual/dressey--- I was a huge fan of "saddle shoe" for that in between look-- probably brown with black saddle
One pair for loafer sytle (if you can wear them-- not everyone can)n probably leaning a bit toward the natural tanned leather color.

Depending on your clothing etc all three can work in all cases.

Background was over 20 years(until 2002) in high end retail :moneybag :moneybag --- think Chanel, Hickey Freeman, David Yurman, Donna Karan, Ferragamo, Kenneth Cole and many many more that I can no longer recall. These are names from the past-- no idea anymore who/what is available. I'm now blue jeans and Keen Shoes for almost everyday, every occasion.
Leemiller
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Leemiller »

No. Get at least three pairs otherwise you have a mismatch with shoes that look too formal or too informal for your outfit. If you have nice shoes and dress well on a date - nice jeans with a good quality button down - you’ll be ahead of the game.

PS this forum is a strange place to get dating or style advice, last I checked none was posting about how few items they owned or how much they saved as a percentage of income in their dating profiles.
TallBoy29er
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by TallBoy29er »

If it's your jam, a high end pair of western boots could work in all those scenarios. That said, of you have to walk miles, maybe not ideal.
ETadvisor
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by ETadvisor »

Sometimes overlooked and more of an issue with brown shoes is to get a belt with a close matching color to the brown. I also prefer lighter shade of brown and it goes with everything.
golfCaddy
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by golfCaddy »

1. brown loafers with khakis
2. Allen Edmonds park avenue, doesn't have to be AE but look for something similar
3. No idea. If I wear jeans, I'm in tennis shoes.
Mickey7
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Mickey7 »

+ 1 Allen Edmonds
livesoft
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by livesoft »

My millennials and their friends wear flip-flops when dating, but there is usually an odd person wearing running/tennis/court shoes, too.
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Brantley
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Brantley »

If you are willing to take care of them, AE is great bang for the buck if you get factory seconds on sale. They go on sale rather often. Go into a store to get measured and try on the shoe first.
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Bogle_Bro
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Bogle_Bro »

1. Understated dark brown plain captoe dress shoes..... J&m, aldo, etc
2. Black Allen edmond park aves
3. A lighter brown dress shoe

I personally think sharp and conservative is the way to go. Classy, classic, and timeless.
Yooper16
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Yooper16 »

I don't recall if it was Allen Edmonds or Johnson and Murphy---- when whichever it was did a trunk show, the rep brought in a shoe built on the special last for Shaquille Oneil.

That thing was HUGE.
DavidW
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by DavidW »

+1 for AE shoes.

I had them since out of college (25+yrs ) and I just resole them after several years. Park Ave is more of a classic look and will meet the test of time.

AE also has a factory outlet store that can ship shoes to you. However, you want to make sure you get fitted for the first one and you can buy a second pair online.

Also, if you wear black on a regular basis, it might be good to get 2 pairs and alternate them between days. It will let the shoes dry out. Make sure you get shoe trees...
Jon H
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Jon H »

Merrell’s

You should be able to find a style that suits your purposes and they are super comfortable
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stimulacra
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by stimulacra »

I think three pairs of shoes should serve you well for work and dating. Gonna list them from formal to casual:

1) Work: Allen Edmonds wingtips or cap-toe
I find brown to be much more versatile than black but it depends on the color of your wardrobe. Also I find that for a lot of guys, it takes time for them to get comfortable with the various shades of brown leather. IMHO brown leather shoes develop a much richer patina. Pairs well with darker crisper jeans. Expect to spend $300 / pair. They can be resoled for $120 and will last for years.

My only caveat with nicer dress shoes is you should have a rotation of them if possible to let them dry out between days. I have 4 pairs in my rotation which is a moderate investment.

2) Suede desert boots or chukkas
These are great for business casual and casual social situations. Pairs well with jeans and button down shirts. Clarks makes the definitive version of this for around $140 / pair (you can usually find them for cheaper). Replace every 1-2 years.

3) Wool sneakers
These are kind of on the newer side of things. I like that they bridge the gap between canvas sneakers and more modern running sneakers. Anything that's more on the active casual side of things would be a good context for wool sneakers. They're perfect for air-travel.
Allbirds have a great pair for $95

*Club shoes: I wouldn't wear my dress shoes for clubs or any late night venue. Anything cheap and black with rubber soles will get you in the door. No one will notice (too dark) and you won't feel too bad when people step on them or spill drinks all over them. Others might have a different opinion but I try to spend the least amount of money on this pair as possible.
pomomojo
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by pomomojo »

My advice depends on where you live (e.g. urban metropolis, mid-sized city, suburbia, or countryside).

1) Dress shoes: To be worn with suits or sportcoats. Oxford or Balmoral (American vs English nomenclature). Black are more conservative, and probably best suited for the novice who is wearing a charcoal or navy suit.

2) Business Casual: Brown blucher or derby. Specifically, a split toe derby would work well with odd trousers, chinos, and even dark dress jeans. The Allen Edmonds Delray is a nice example. Carmina shoes, a Spanish maker, also makes a nice split toe in dark brown pebble grain. An alternative to this style would be a monkstrap or derby with a medallion toe.

3) Clubs/bars: This is highly dependent on where you live, and the formality of places that you frequent. Sneakers/trainers are fine for most dive bars. The above business casual recommendations can be worn with dark wash jeans. The Clarks Desert boots someone else mentioned would also work with distressed denim.
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badbreath
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by badbreath »

Look at Ecco brand shoes. Some are very nice
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legio XX
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by legio XX »

UpperNwGuy wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 6:42 am . . . On the other hand, don't get any shoes that have thick rubber, treaded soles. Girls consider such shoes inappropriate for anything but hiking. . .
Don't think a 35-year-old man would be dating a "girl." Shoes are probably a long way behind fit, presentable, breathing.

Vic
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Wildebeest
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Wildebeest »

Some people are into shoes and some are not. I am not Imelda Marcos but a good looking shoe definitely calls my name.

I used to only wear Italian dress shoes ( lots of compliments on my shoes, which made me acutely uncomfortable) and then I developed corns.

Then I only wore Rockports for about 10 years. No compliments, not that it mattered and no more corns.

Cole Haan fit me well and I like brogues and I think they are as good looking as the shoes I used to wear. I am old now and that is why I think the compliments on my shoes have dropped off. Still one woman asked me if she could touch my shoes, which still made me feel acutely uncomfortable.

I do not suggest you get shoes for dating. That just would weird me out.

PS I do not think my taste in shoes helped me in my work either.
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S&L1940
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by S&L1940 »

"Wildebeest, I do not suggest you get shoes for dating. That just would weird me out."

Maybe that is my problem, no dates because I am not wearing the proper shoes for dating...
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Wildebeest
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Wildebeest »

S&L1940 wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 8:34 pm "Wildebeest, I do not suggest you get shoes for dating. That just would weird me out."

Maybe that is my problem, no dates because I am not wearing the proper shoes for dating...
My wife does not even notice my shoes. It all worked out for me.
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S&L1940
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by S&L1940 »

Wildebeest wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 8:45 pm
S&L1940 wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 8:34 pm "Wildebeest, I do not suggest you get shoes for dating. That just would weird me out."

Maybe that is my problem, no dates because I am not wearing the proper shoes for dating...
My wife does not even notice my shoes. It all worked out for me.
It might help if I get my wife to stop screening my phone calls!
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Sagefemme
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Sagefemme »

If you live anywhere near Nordstrom (a department store that got its start as a shoe store in the Pacific Northwest), go there. Just show up in the shoe department and tell an associate what your needs are. Nordstrom has excellent sales associates who know their products and have good people skills. A true full-service department store.
UpperNwGuy
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by UpperNwGuy »

legio XX wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 7:59 pm
UpperNwGuy wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 6:42 am . . . On the other hand, don't get any shoes that have thick rubber, treaded soles. Girls consider such shoes inappropriate for anything but hiking. . .
Don't think a 35-year-old man would be dating a "girl." Shoes are probably a long way behind fit, presentable, breathing.

Vic
When I was divorced at age 47, I was told by a 40 year old girl not to wear any shoes with thick rubber, treaded soles for anything other than hiking. She said that girls my age would not be impressed.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by LadyGeek »

This thread is now in the Personal Consumer Issues forum (shoes).
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livesoft
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by livesoft »

This thread has been very informative to me. I had no idea there was a separate extensive vocabulary for men's shoes which I never needed to learn anything about.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by jharkin »

legio XX wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 7:59 pm

Don't think a 35-year-old man would be dating a "girl." Shoes are probably a long way behind fit, presentable, breathing.

Vic
:twisted:
This whole thread just reminds me how glad I am to be long time married and working in a tech office job where nobody cares what I look like... Spending money on fancy labels just to impress people was one of the things I liked the least about being young and single.


TO the OP - not trying to poke fun, just appreciate how difficult it must be starting over midlife. Good luck.
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Gardener
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Gardener »

Op here.

I am again very grateful for the quality of responses here.

For someone, like myself, that only has a modicum of fashion sense, this is helpful. I don't want to be vain or invest a lot of time in clothes, but I do feel better when I dress sharply.

Didn't Shakespeare write vanity is better than self neglect or something along those lines?
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Gardener
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Gardener »

@jharkin

Envious of those that are long time married. Unfortunately, that was not in the cards for me.
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sunny_socal
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by sunny_socal »

Wildebeest wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 8:45 pm
S&L1940 wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 8:34 pm "Wildebeest, I do not suggest you get shoes for dating. That just would weird me out."

Maybe that is my problem, no dates because I am not wearing the proper shoes for dating...
My wife does not even notice my shoes. It all worked out for me.
My wife noticed, back when we were dating. And she still does, she won't let me wear old worn out shoes. :wink:
FireSekr
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by FireSekr »

For situation 2, Id highly suggest going full suit. Dress shirt and tie without a jacket makes you look like a McDonalds manager or a used wheelchair salesman. It’s not a look many people would associate with success or formality.

If you want to look more formal than business casual just wear a suit that fits well with a great dress shirt. By our name I’m guessing you’re in SoCal, so I’d ditch the tie and just do a nice suit and shirt. It’s more professional and fashion forward than just a shirt and tie. You’re 35, it’s not junior prom.

I know suits get hot in the summer, but you can get suits which are cooler and lighter specifically for summer. Ermenegildo Zegna offers several lightweight breathable fabrics specifically for warm weather.

Go over to Century City towers and watch the people waking around there to get a good sense of what the Hollywood agents, financial professionals and lawyers wear.
Pigeon
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Pigeon »

I'm a women. I don't know any women who much notice men's shoes. Don't wear anything outrageously dorky and you'll be fine.
mikebee
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by mikebee »

I would say as long as they are conservatively styled you will be fine. But MUST be clean and in good repair.
Also NEVER wear brown shoes with a black, gray or blue suit or you will lmmediately label yourself as a lower class person.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by jehovasfitness »

Dont date a woman that cares about your shoes imo
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by jehovasfitness »

livesoft wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 7:49 am This thread has been very informative to me. I had no idea there was a separate extensive vocabulary for men's shoes which I never needed to learn anything about.
Hahahaha truth
stimulacra
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by stimulacra »

mikebee wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 9:50 am I would say as long as they are conservatively styled you will be fine. But MUST be clean and in good repair.
Also NEVER wear brown shoes with a black, gray or blue suit or you will lmmediately label yourself as a lower class person.
I disagree with this rule of thumb, it's way too limiting and labels people who follow it without any exceptions as a novice.

Some more flexible rules of thumbs that incorporates more variety and mixing and matching.

Black tie / black dress shoes
Charcoal grey suit / black, brown or oxblood (burgundy) dress shoes
Navy blue suit / black, brown or oxblood (burgundy) dress shoes
Brown suit / brown or oxblood (burgundy) dress shoes

Black dress shoes have their place, they're neutral and versatile, but they're always viewed as the safe choice color wise. An identical pair in a dark shade of brown or burgundy, will acquire a more richer patina and age better visually than a black pair, which are more prone to looking scuffy.

I'll admit that there are exceptions even to the above list but at that point you are consciously playing with the rules a bit. Otherwise we would all just wear dark charcoal grey suits and black shoes and call it a day.
Beehave
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Beehave »

Try Clark's Unstructured. Very comfortable. Available in wide sizes. Not too costly. Nice styles. Good for casual or business.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by stimulacra »

jehovasfitness wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 9:56 am Dont date a woman that cares about your shoes imo
I don't think women care about it in general. It's just one of the first-date shorthand flags women are conditioned to form a first impression… along with grooming, hygiene, whether they offer to pick up the tab, how much they tip, etc… 

Probably totally archaic in 2018 but a useful shorthand till something better comes along. I have some younger friends and the nuance of online dating and social/mobile communications and the shorthand cues arising from that (there appears to be an art and science to evaluating profile pics) are interesting to watch evolve in real-time.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by rgs92 »

https://www.zappos.com/p/new-balance-mw ... lor/192523

I use the New Balance walking shoes for everything: work,weddings,funerals,job interviews. They look fine, even for formal occasions as long as they are in good shape and match your slacks. Nobody would notice that they are not expensive fancy shoes. So comfy.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by golfCaddy »

ssquared87 wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 8:51 am For situation 2, Id highly suggest going full suit. Dress shirt and tie without a jacket makes you look like a McDonalds manager or a used wheelchair salesman. It’s not a look many people would associate with success or formality.
I concur on a full suit, but McDonalds manager is a bit extreme. It depends on how it's done. A short sleeve dress shirt with a novelty tie, dickies pants, and cheap shoes can look like a McDonalds manager. Or you could have a long sleeve shirt with MOP buttons, a conservative tie, nice wool dress slacks, and a pair of Park Avenue shoes. No one who knows clothes would look at the latter and assume McDonalds manager.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by cashmoney »

Gardener wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 5:20 am
Which type/style of shoes would you recommend for me, for the three activities I do below?


I recently posted a question about helping in building a wardrobe where I received a lot of good input.

Now, I need some advice on selecting shoes.

I am wondering if I can get away with one or two nice pairs (I am a bit of a minimalist) to fit in three situations I am in each week. Quick background, I am 35, now single,

Situation 1: Office Job Work
I work in an office environment three days a week. Dress is generally business casual, shirt and tie, or just button down shirt (more often than not). Khackis or slacks.

Situation 2: Side Business
This is more formal. Always shirt and tie. I wear a suit during the non-summer months. For this side business, I do a fair amount of walking in the city.

Situation 3: Dating
Usually takes place restaurants, nice bars, casual bars, sometimes a club. I prefer to wear nice jeans for this.

Thank you.



These will make you stand out in all settings: https://www.shoes.com/funtasma-pimp-02/ ... one-_-none
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BrooklynInvest
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by BrooklynInvest »

I buy Johnston and Murphy.

Not the cheapest but good quality leather that's lasted me through quite a few re-soles.

Me, I'm business casual and have a pair of brown loafers and will augment with a bit more formal black lace dress shoes when I've got the time.
gold99xx
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by gold99xx »

See either: Trickers or Alden

Please BUY only one or two pair of good shoes that will last a lifetime, a good pair of shoes has to be broken in or stretched etc...there are NO shortcuts to this... unless you buy them in Cordovan.

Check out Leffot on Christopher Street in NYC, even if you don't buy anything there, it will be informational.

Remeber good shoes last a lifetime.

I had custom shoe lasts made for me 20 years ago, and still, wear that same pair. ( Trickers)
Coato
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by Coato »

For me, this is the area to spend in your wardrobe. Your foot doesn’t change and the materials are the cost.

1. I wouldn’t get black shoes. They only match black really.

2. A lot depends on your style really, but if I only owned two pairs of shoes I’d have a par of derbies, preferably Viberg. Trickers probably has the best quality in the Allen Edmonds price range. I’d also look at leather type more. I prefer a tougher Latigo or horsehide to a soft buttery Chromexcel, but it’s very personal. My second pair would be a leather tennis shoe. Epaulet makes an excellent one. Great leather and a well built shoe that can go anywhere.

Dream duo: brown viberg derby (Danite sole), Epaulet trainer horsehide lug sole
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by bumblebh »

rgs92 wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 12:32 pm https://www.zappos.com/p/new-balance-mw ... lor/192523

I use the New Balance walking shoes for everything: work,weddings,funerals,job interviews. They look fine, even for formal occasions as long as they are in good shape and match your slacks. Nobody would notice that they are not expensive fancy shoes. So comfy.
I guess I am more of a shoe person. I would not want my significant other to wear these routinely. I'm all for comfort, but I also like style and I don't think these are very stylish. Sorry.

I think Johnson and Murphy has nice selection of mens shoes. I like the idea of going to Nordstrom and getting advice also, but you are also at mercy of saleperson so to speak who might be pushing a product that is pricier than you want to spend.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by pomomojo »

mikebee wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 9:50 am I would say as long as they are conservatively styled you will be fine. But MUST be clean and in good repair.
Also NEVER wear brown shoes with a black, gray or blue suit or you will lmmediately label yourself as a lower class person.
This would be appropriate if the OP lived in London. Circa 1950. "No brown in town..."

I would, however, eschew matching loafers with a suit. Unless it's a casual suit (e.g. cream linen, lightweight fresco, or seersucker).
PhilosophyAndrew
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by PhilosophyAndrew »

mikebee wrote: Sun May 27, 2018 9:50 am I would say as long as they are conservatively styled you will be fine. But MUST be clean and in good repair.
Also NEVER wear brown shoes with a black, gray or blue suit or you will lmmediately label yourself as a lower class person.
In disagree with this advice — brown shoes are perfectly acceptable with both gray and blue suits.

I also recommend starting with these two suit colors; black suits tends not to be fashionable and is less useful than gray or blue for either work or dating. If OP needed a third color suit, I would recommend brown before black.

OP, the goodyearwelt subreddit on Reddit is an excellent men’s shoe online community. I’m a fan of the English shoemakers, but I agree with others that Allen Edmonds is a solid brand at the entry-level of high-end men’s shoes.


Andy.
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Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by stimulacra »

This thread has me checking out the Memorial Day and Fathers Day sales going on.
desiderium
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Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:08 am

Re: Help Buying Mens Shoes for Work and Dating

Post by desiderium »

Sagefemme wrote: Sat May 26, 2018 11:03 pm If you live anywhere near Nordstrom (a department store that got its start as a shoe store in the Pacific Northwest), go there. Just show up in the shoe department and tell an associate what your needs are. Nordstrom has excellent sales associates who know their products and have good people skills. A true full-service department store.
This.

Nordstrom started as a shoe store in Seattle, and they take this part of their business seriously. Given your demographic, look at Italian styles and brands. Great looking Italian dress shoes will go well with a suit and just as well with a pair of jeans on a casual date. Fit is everything, so having a knowledgable salesperson and walking around a lot before you buy is key.


Good luck!
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