Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities
Nearly A Moose
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Nearly A Moose » Wed Mar 28, 2018 6:44 pm

Other things:
Do own laundry
Iron clothes
Basic cooking
Make a bed (from the above, you might infer I had roommates of varying life skills...)
Scrub a toilet/shower/sink
Handle basic financial tasks (eg reconcile a statement, do a transfer)
Understand and schedule basic car maintenance, if she has a car
Read and understand the course requirements for her desired degree (amazing how many people screw this up)
Pardon typos, I'm probably using my fat thumbs on a tiny phone.

rob65
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by rob65 » Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:02 pm

JBTX wrote:
Tue Mar 27, 2018 8:40 pm
Coming at it from a different and non financial angle (although financial impacts are significant)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnew ... ge-n619796

I have heard from some doctors that it isn’t common for mothers to bring daughters to doctor before college to explore long term birth control options. It isn’t pleasant to think about, but it is a sign of the times and consequences are significant.
You’ve gotten some great financial advice, but there are a couple of uncomfortable conversations that you need to have. There are “relationship”, alcohol, and personal safety concerns that need to be discussed frankly, whether by all 3 of you or by Mom and daughter.

JBTX
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by JBTX » Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:43 pm

rob65 wrote:
Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:02 pm
JBTX wrote:
Tue Mar 27, 2018 8:40 pm
Coming at it from a different and non financial angle (although financial impacts are significant)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnew ... ge-n619796

I have heard from some doctors that it isn’t common for mothers to bring daughters to doctor before college to explore long term birth control options. It isn’t pleasant to think about, but it is a sign of the times and consequences are significant.
You’ve gotten some great financial advice, but there are a couple of uncomfortable conversations that you need to have. There are “relationship”, alcohol, and personal safety concerns that need to be discussed frankly, whether by all 3 of you or by Mom and daughter.
The danger with alcohol these days is many kids don’t have as much experience early on then when they turn 21 they go out get hammered and suffer alcohol poisoning. Also widespread use of drugs - things like “synthetic pot” which isn’t pot at all and very dangerous. Others kids may offer up something and you just don’t really know what they are giving you.

And of course danger of date rape.

shawndoggy
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by shawndoggy » Wed Mar 28, 2018 10:05 pm

Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Mar 28, 2018 1:26 pm

That is what I thought until we went to DS's orientation. It was extremely well organized, half or more of the time was with students and parents split off, and there were a variety of areas of interest/concern/etc that each group could choose to attend. We didn't have to endure any of that nonsense. In fact, we didn't even observe any.

As I stated previously, the biggest message to parents was "Do not be hovering from here on out." We found it very informative.

As with most things, it seems, YMMV
haha I think the mrs and I are just extra cynical. Our kids' orientations are exactly as you describe (kids on their own, parents with other parents). We aren't (weren't?) helicopter parents and made our kids "wipe their own butts" from a pretty early age. Sitting through a seminar with other parents who need to be told not to hover only to have parents raise hands and ask dumb questions at the end... well, not our cup of tea. But clearly it's providing valuable insight to some parents so there's that. I'm sure that the guy who asked how to get money to his daughter because he didn't trust her with a bank account was serious, and clearly needed the orientation more than we did.

annielouise
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by annielouise » Thu Mar 29, 2018 7:20 am

rob65 wrote:
Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:02 pm
JBTX wrote:
Tue Mar 27, 2018 8:40 pm
Coming at it from a different and non financial angle (although financial impacts are significant)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnew ... ge-n619796

I have heard from some doctors that it isn’t common for mothers to bring daughters to doctor before college to explore long term birth control options. It isn’t pleasant to think about, but it is a sign of the times and consequences are significant.
You’ve gotten some great financial advice, but there are a couple of uncomfortable conversations that you need to have. There are “relationship”, alcohol, and personal safety concerns that need to be discussed frankly, whether by all 3 of you or by Mom and daughter.
+1

If she hasn't done so yet, be sure she takes a self defense class.

Pigeon
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Pigeon » Thu Mar 29, 2018 7:56 am

I work at a university and have college kids.

Forget the desktop. Most kids rarely study in their dorm rooms. They go to the library, to empty academic buildings, to quiet study rooms in their dorms, etc. By the time they graduate, they will most likely have classes where they are expected to bring laptops. They will work on group projects together.

It's much more important to look at the physical build of the laptop for a college kid than it is for an adult who uses it at home. The laptop will be put in a backpack and carted around all day. I didn't think much about this when my oldest went to college. She's a pretty careful kid but her first laptop didn't last long before she had issues with the case not holding up.

I'd try to make sure you keep the lines of communication open. You don't want to be a helicopter parent and you want your kid to develop life skills. You don't want them asking you how to do every little thing and they need to learn to navigate life. But they are still kids and sometimes your advice about serious issues can matter a great deal. You want them to talk to you about the important stuff. Keep in mind that a lot of kids develop mental health issues in college or have to navigate things like sexual assault. It's a little tricky to navigate but this is a time to transition into a genuine friendship with your adult child that will last into the future.

One boglehead detail, make sure they understand bank account fees. We set up accounts with financial institutions that have a branch in our town and in the college town as that's easiest for us. Make sure the kid understands that if they use out of network ATMs, they may end up paying ridiculous amounts of little fees that add up quickly.

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Watty
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Watty » Thu Mar 29, 2018 8:06 am

A couple of things to add to your checklist;

1) Have her figure out and use a good backup system for her computer. When he was in college my son worked at the campus computer center were they provided support for students computers and it was WAY too common for students to come in with a dead or virus invested computer with no backup and critical school work on the computer. Often they could not recover the information on the computer. The theft of computers can also be a problem and in addition to the loss of the hardware the loss of the work on it can be a big problem.

2) Look up the graduation rates for the university she is going to and talk that over with her. My son went to a state university that did not have a great graduation rate. I talked that over with my son and that helped him keep a reasonable balance with his social life the first semester. When a number of students did not return to his dorm after the first Christmas break that was a good eyeopener for him about the risk of partying too much.

3) For the most part taking less stuff is better. If she needs something you can mail it to her or she can get it when she comes home at Thanksgiving.

4) If she will have a car consider getting her a AAA card.

TappyGee
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by TappyGee » Thu Mar 29, 2018 11:54 pm

CNN produced a documentary called “The Hunting Ground”. It is about rape on campus. I DVRed it and sat down with my son and his girlfriend and watched it before their freshman year. I highly recommend it if you can find it.

I found orientation fun and interesting. Yes it was a lot of common sense but what is not to like about spending a day or so where your kid will be living at the next 4+ years? And walking around and eating there with Me Junior adds to his comfort level with the environment. That can’t hurt. When he mentions somewhere on campus I know what he is talking about. Plus I got to check out all the other incoming freshman and see that mine will fit right in. Fun fun fun.

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celia
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by celia » Fri Mar 30, 2018 5:18 am

JBTX wrote:
Tue Mar 27, 2018 8:40 pm
I have heard from some doctors that it isn’t common for mothers to bring daughters to doctor before college to explore long term birth control options. It isn’t pleasant to think about, but it is a sign of the times and consequences are significant.
If she will be living in the dorms, she will probably have to get a physical and some vaccinations before she goes (so that communicable diseases don't spread so fast). Wait until she gets the dorm forms.

I suggest she open a checking account after she gets to school and see what ATMs are on campus. If she is going far from home, the bank choices may be completely different than what you have.

She should know how to set (and turn off) her own alarm!

Lafder
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Lafder » Fri Mar 30, 2018 1:07 pm

You do not build any credit being an authorized user on someone else's credit card.

When I tried to help my daughter get her first credit card the summer before college, only the bank she already had an account and debit card at was willing to give her one. It was even advertised as a "college credit card" and we were able to add parental support as "income"

I figured once she builds credit with this card, she can consider switching to a rewards credit card. This card does offer a cash back incentive on all purchases.

I admit it is nerve wracking that I do not see the charges or have access to seeing or paying her card. She has to do it all on her own. I was spoiled by the debit card account that I was also on so I could peek at all charges.

They gave her a 1500$ credit limit!

lafder

Pigeon
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Pigeon » Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:19 pm

celia wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 5:18 am
JBTX wrote:
Tue Mar 27, 2018 8:40 pm
I have heard from some doctors that it isn’t common for mothers to bring daughters to doctor before college to explore long term birth control options. It isn’t pleasant to think about, but it is a sign of the times and consequences are significant.
If she will be living in the dorms, she will probably have to get a physical and some vaccinations before she goes (so that communicable diseases don't spread so fast). Wait until she gets the dorm forms.

I suggest she open a checking account after she gets to school and see what ATMs are on campus. If she is going far from home, the bank choices may be completely different than what you have.

She should know how to set (and turn off) her own alarm!
You can often find out what banks/ATM networks are on campus from the college website.

Pigeon
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Pigeon » Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:24 pm

Lafder wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 1:07 pm
You do not build any credit being an authorized user on someone else's credit card.
I think that depends on the credit card.

https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit- ... ld-credit/

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by Doom&Gloom » Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:50 pm

Pigeon wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:24 pm
Lafder wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 1:07 pm
You do not build any credit being an authorized user on someone else's credit card.
I think that depends on the credit card.

https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit- ... ld-credit/
+1

At least that was our experience a few years ago. I have not checked DS's credit reports in the past couple of years so YMMV.

timmy
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by timmy » Fri Mar 30, 2018 4:02 pm

Tax returns :oops:

TSR
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by TSR » Fri Mar 30, 2018 4:16 pm

timmy wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 4:02 pm
Tax returns :oops:
This is a real thing. I did work-study during the year and my mom was kind enough to send me all the tax forms, but I definitely would not have done it on my own.

My dad had also set up a Roth for me that was funded to the tune of about $1,000. It took some hectoring to remember to fund it. I'm glad they took the time and energy. As an adult I don't need reminding.

RudyS
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by RudyS » Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:48 am

TSR wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 4:16 pm
timmy wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 4:02 pm
Tax returns :oops:
This is a real thing. I did work-study during the year and my mom was kind enough to send me all the tax forms, but I definitely would not have done it on my own.

My dad had also set up a Roth for me that was funded to the tune of about $1,000. It took some hectoring to remember to fund it. I'm glad they took the time and energy. As an adult I don't need reminding.
On the subject of taxes, know about IRS FreeFIle. Do not go to HR Block in person.

PatrickA5
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by PatrickA5 » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:48 am

buccimane wrote:
Wed Mar 28, 2018 9:49 am
luckybamboo wrote:
Tue Mar 27, 2018 7:00 pm
BHs - Any suggestions about dos and donts on college shopping? Or leave it up to her completely ?
This may be different at other schools, but my advice is DON'T buy all the required books prior to class. My first semester I ordered all my books that were on the syllabus, all marked required texts, and most collected dust. Your DD will be able to get a feel for if she will actually need the text about one or two weeks in. In my case, I never bought more than 1 book a semester for the next 3.5 years. Sharing with friends/online pdf version were options I utilized in the rare instance that the book was actually needed.

This advice probably won't be applicable to any STEM major, but in my business major it held true.
My DS is a Junior in college. I'm amazed at how little he uses an actual text book. I budgeted $800 - $1,000 per semester for books and supplies. He's been getting by for less than $200. Most of the professors have online material already made up.

HongKonger
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Re: Checklist for Parents of Incoming Freshmen/To-Be Adult

Post by HongKonger » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:58 am

Get a stack of postcards, write your address on them, put stamps on them. Then just fill them in with the words - I'm OK.
Ask you child to drop one in the post box every week.
Done.

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