Not happy where we live

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Beach
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Not happy where we live

Post by Beach » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:07 pm

We moved from Florida 3-1/2 years ago for a new career opportunity and it has worked out very well. Both of us have landed good jobs that pay well for the area. We have made alot of progress in our financial lives and the move proved very beneficial for us from that perspective. However, I just don't like it here. We left our family, feel isolated, dislike the climate and not very comfortable with crime around here. We've made some decent friends, found a good church but nothing that seems permanent.

I love my job and would pack it up and take it back to Florida in a heartbeat but that isn't possible. My wife isn't thrilled about hers so she could care less. I am not confident that I could land another job like the one I have here. My wife has a masters degree and is much more marketable than I am so I think overall we would likely be in for a paycut.

We have children 5 and 7 and feel they are still young enough that if we moved again it wouldn't be too stressful for them but the move might be very stressful for us.

We follow DR and are currently on BS 5/6.

So, what would you do? What other questions do you have?

Is where you live more important than financial security?

btenny
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by btenny » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:18 pm

What is DR and BS 5/6?

And the answer is mixed. Poor financial security is bad for kids. But less money is usually not bad and many people get along fine with much less than most here in the US. And since I retired and worked some very low wage jobs I have meet many people who worked hard all their lives and some who are still working in their late 60s but love life and the low cost approach to life. They just live different and more frugal than others. So you have to decide what makes you happy.

Good Luck

Beach
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Beach » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:20 pm

btenny wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:18 pm
What is DR and BS 5/6?
Dave Ramsey Baby Steps

barnaclebob
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by barnaclebob » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:21 pm

Happiness is one of the most important things in life and if you really don't like your area it will just grind at you until something breaks. Happiness can also be independent of income to some extent. Its ok to scale back your lifestyle if that's not what brings you true joy.

The stress of a move lasts a couple of months, you'll be able to handle it.

bampf
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by bampf » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:25 pm

barnaclebob wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:21 pm
Happiness is one of the most important things in life and if you really don't like your area it will just grind at you until something breaks. Happiness can also be independent of income to some extent. Its ok to scale back your lifestyle if that's not what brings you true joy.

The stress of a move lasts a couple of months, you'll be able to handle it.
Can confirm. Literally tripled my wages by relocating. Cost me my health, tremendous stress and unhappiness. Came back home because I could. Financial future is much less certain and frankly I don't give a [darn --admin LadyGeek]. Each situation is different, but, I wouldn't relocate again. Money aint everything. Sometimes enough is just enough. Best of luck. Hard decisions.

bloom2708
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by bloom2708 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:26 pm

+1 for moving back to nice weather.

Brutal weather here. Nice people. Good jobs. Low unemployment. Brutal weather here.

I would move tomorrow. Wife and kids just get stressed thinking about moving. Family in a 3-4 hour radius is our anchor. Have not been able to budge the anchor.

We even know where we would move. It would be a huge/good change.

-13 and windy 4 mornings in a row. The worst of the worst weather isn't so bad. It is the few number of nice days, short summers, long winters that is the ice pick to my head every year. :annoyed

We are sedentary, lethargic, inside people because of weather. I hate it. :oops:
Last edited by bloom2708 on Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"We are here not to please but to provoke thoughtfulness" Unknown Boglehead

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Pajamas
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Pajamas » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:28 pm

Beach wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:07 pm
We moved from Florida 3-1/2 years ago. . . However, I just don't like it here. We left our family, feel isolated, dislike the climate and not very comfortable with crime around here.
Sounds like you have been where you are long enough to know that you don't like it and have expressed valid reasons to move, so it's not just a matter of "the grass is always greener. . ."

I think that it would be possible for you to create relative financial security in Florida and suggest that you and your wife start looking for work there.

Texanbybirth
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Texanbybirth » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:32 pm

Agree that you should go back to Florida. Sounds like you are Sunshine State people, and there's nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't move around a lot (sounds like you're giving them some serious thought, but don't make it a 3-4 year habit) for the kids' sake, but moving back closer to family should really help ease the burden on them. As someone mentioned, moving is stressful, but usually not longer than for a few months.

Money isn't everything, and if you've been able to get things financially sorted out in the last 3.5 years then hopefully you'll be prudent enough to make a smart transition back to FL.

(Full disclosure: right behind where we live now - with no moving planned - FL is our second choice. :beer )

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Sheepdog
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Sheepdog » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:34 pm

In my younger days with kids both career and where we lived were equally important. When I was thinking about making a career change, I would visit the city for a few days before committing employment. This was without the hiring prospective employer knowledge. I would talk to people, visit the surrounding areas, look up the schools, etc. (In my life, I turned down 2 prospective employers because I didn't like the areas...and one of which was in Florida, by the way.).
If I and/or my family were unhappy where we lived though, I would (I did) start a search and involve the family in the decision. Would I take a lesser position in such a case? Yes. (I did and this is where I have lived for the last 45 years!! ).
People should not say everything they think. They should think about everything they say.

texas lawdog
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by texas lawdog » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:38 pm

3.5 yrs should have given you a good perspective on your current environment and future.
It sounds like financially, it was the right choice...but, getting a little older might be shifting your priorities.
Realize that life is a series of sacrifices and choices between what you have and don't have.
We would all love to live in the big house, successful career, etc...but have to prioritize what we "need" to be happy.

You might want to sit down this weekend with your DW and make a priority list and decide where your financial goals really fit into both of your lives - it sounds like it was at the top a few years ago and has now fallen lower on your scale.

MrNewEngland
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by MrNewEngland » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:41 pm

About three and a half years ago I bought a house and moved to a different area within the same city and it made me miserable. Luckily I kept my condo and when my tenant moved out I sold the house and moved back. Moving to a whole new city would absolutely amplify the misery bc you don't have any people there.

If you don't mind me asking where do you live now? Would moving to a cooler area help out? When I moved to the suburbs I lived in a fairly bad area and all my neighbors were miserable. There was almost no walkability there and nothing cool to go to in the area anyways. The condo I moved back to is in the downtown area of my city and there's always something going on. Tons of people around me and they all want to be there.

Maybe a move within the city would help.

PS - where in Florida were you?

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Pajamas
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Pajamas » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:49 pm

Hmm, I just remembered this recent thread that is the inverse of yours. A family is considering moving from a place they like where they have friends and family to a different area in order to improve their lifestyle. Might be helpful to you.

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=240758

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bottlecap
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by bottlecap » Fri Feb 09, 2018 1:30 pm

Beach wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:07 pm
Is where you live more important than financial security?[/b]
It is to me, but everything is relative. If living where I wanted to makes me less rich, that's one (okay) thing. If it would lead me to financial ruin, that would be another.

There is obviously a give and take. To live where I live, for example, I cannot be near family.

But where I live is very important to me. Where my kids live is very important to me. So here we are. Something might convince me to move somewhere else, but not a job.

Good luck,

JT

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jabberwockOG
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by jabberwockOG » Fri Feb 09, 2018 1:32 pm

If you are fortunate enough to be able to make a reasonable living in a warm pleasant climate I would not hesitate for a second. Go back South!

I was raised up North but immediately moved South when I got my first professional job.

Some smart folks love the ice belt but I could not do it - living with ice, snow, cloudy skies, darkness and way too many clothes for a large part of the year - yuk. Money and career is far less important than being safe, happy and warm where you live.

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bogleblitz
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by bogleblitz » Fri Feb 09, 2018 1:40 pm

i would move back to florida. start looking.

I moved from Massachusetts to California 3 years ago and love it. I can understand people who feels lonely in a new city.

pejp
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by pejp » Fri Feb 09, 2018 2:24 pm

Definitely more to life than the numbers in your bank account.

My wife is from the East Coast, and I'm from London originally. We lived in NYC for a long time, which is where we met. I took a good job opportunity in Colorado and we moved here a couple of years back. We have more space, more money, less stress.....but we just don't like it. The people are just different to what we're used to, we miss the edge and the buzz of a big city, and we miss the ocean more than we expected to. We thought we'd just become outdoorsy people, appreciate the quality of life etc....but we realized we're just both city people. We're still here for a while, but our future is definitely back there, even though it'll lead to increased costs, commuting etc...the idea that you can just live anywhere and as long as you have enough money, you'll be happy, just isn't true imo.

chevca
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by chevca » Fri Feb 09, 2018 2:51 pm

Family happiness is more important than optimal finances, IMO. If the move back wouldn't be harmful financially, go for it.

JoeRetire
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by JoeRetire » Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:14 pm

Beach wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:07 pm
I am not confident that I could land another job like the one I have here. My wife has a masters degree and is much more marketable than I am so I think overall we would likely be in for a paycut.
You don't need to land a job like the one you currently have. Before you moved to where you are now you didn't have one.
You only need a job that is good enough.

For me, life is too short to be living somewhere that makes you miserable. I'd move to a place I loved, find a good enough job, then never look back.

Dottie57
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Dottie57 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:24 pm

bloom2708 wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:26 pm
+1 for moving back to nice weather.

Brutal weather here. Nice people. Good jobs. Low unemployment. Brutal weather here.

I would move tomorrow. Wife and kids just get stressed thinking about moving. Family in a 3-4 hour radius is our anchor. Have not been able to budge the anchor.

We even know where we would move. It would be a huge/good change.

-13 and windy 4 mornings in a row. The worst of the worst weather isn't so bad. It is the few number of nice days, short summers, long winters that is the ice pick to my head every year. :annoyed

We are sedentary, lethargic, inside people because of weather. I hate it. :oops:
Get thee some snowshoes And/or cross country ski's. The teens are a perfect temp for hose activities.

BUBear29
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by BUBear29 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:32 pm

I’m in the same boat except my wife likes where we live. We are both from Texas and started off our married life in Denver which we loved. My job took us Dallas (where she is from) and I can’t stand it. Problem is she does not want to leave but I do not want to stay. My only hope is to bribe her that she doesn’t have to work if we move back to Denver.

I agree with others above. Find a good job back in Florida and live where you are happy. Life is too short.
There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no one independence quite so important, as living within your means.

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lthenderson
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by lthenderson » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:14 pm

I have always lived by doing what makes me happy. If I had a toxic environment or job, I moved or changed jobs and I have even taken large pay cuts to do so. But long term, the money has always followed me where ever I have gone. It may be coincidence but I like to think that if you are happy, you probably do better work which shows and gets rewarded accordingly down the line.

SouthernCPA
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by SouthernCPA » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:29 pm

Move where you will be happy. Nothing else matters if you are miserable. I couldn't move away from the gulf coast because being away from the water, seafood, fishing, mardi gras culture, etc would make me miserable. You only get so many trips around the sun - money isn't everything.

Johnsson
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Johnsson » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:41 pm

It's not about how much you make. It's about how little you spend.

We had a similar situation 28 years ago. Moved back 'home' with two small children to be closer to family, making less money. Still live close to home and would make the same decision again.

Quality of life greatly outweighs money in my opinion.

livesoft
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by livesoft » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:48 pm

NYTimes article somewhat on the subject:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/08/book ... money.html

It's a write-up/testimonial of Your Money or Your Life
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celia
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by celia » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:50 pm

Beach, I think I know what you miss :) , so I offer this suggestion:
Why don't you and your wife separately write down the 5 or 10 things you most "like" and "don't like" about where you live.
Then do the same for a new place you would consider moving to ("would like" vs "wouldn't like").
When you compare notes, what does it tell you?

Beach
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Beach » Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:34 pm

Thanks for all the advice so far, we appreciate it.
celia wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:50 pm
Beach, I think I know what you miss :)
Good observation, we both agree on that one!

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Elsebet
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Re: Not happy where we live

Post by Elsebet » Fri Feb 09, 2018 6:14 pm

I feel the same way. Lived my entire life in PA/Ohio then moved to Washington State (near Seattle) in 2013. I really don't like it here but I do like the team I'm on and work I'm doing currently, so I try to focus on that. If the work situation changes dramatically I will be out of here as soon as I can land a job elsewhere.

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