Would you hire an obese nanny?

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coalcracker
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Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by coalcracker »

I am currently interviewing nannies to care for my infant and 3-year-old. Our top candidate so far is ideal for us in many ways, but she is also morbidly obese. I would estimate she is about 5'5" and weights in excess of 300 pounds.

She carries herself well, and I am not particularly concerned about her ability to physically care for our children. We are leaning toward hiring her. My logical and analytical mind tells me she is the right candidate.

However, I still have nagging hesitations that I suspect are related to subconscious biases I may hold against obese individuals. Maybe I am concerned about her health; she will, after all, be responsible for my children. Maybe I wonder about the habits that have resulted in her obesity. Maybe I worry that my children will come to think that obesity is "normal." The truth can be ugly, but I want to be honest here.

Are my concerns unwarranted? Should I even be considering her weight when making this decision?
guitarguy
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by guitarguy »

Wow.

I won't come down on you too hard because...well...everyone else probably will.

You don't know it's her "habits" that lead to her being overweight. Maybe you should teach your children that discrimination based on someone's looks is wrong...? Is she qualified or not? Jeez.

Thread locked in 3-2...
carolinaman
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by carolinaman »

If she is best candidate otherwise, I see no problem in hiring her.
aerofreaky11
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by aerofreaky11 »

Consider culture and obesity. Many Nannies are immigrants and in some of these countries being larger isn't looked down upon, but the opposite. I've seen women who meet the description of the potential Nannie tear it up on a dance floor for hours. Will she be a trustworthy loving caretaker?
PhilosophyAndrew
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by PhilosophyAndrew »

Yes, I would hire an obese nanny.

I praise the OP for being open about his or her own biases, and suggest that hiring this nanny might have the added benefit of allowing you to confront and perhaps overcome those biases.
LawyersGunsAndMoney
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by LawyersGunsAndMoney »

I think it is a bit silly to be overly concerned about the implications of the candidate's weight on your children's behavior. I think it is a more reasonable concern about whether someone at that size/stature can do the job needed, and keep up with the children/activities without risk of injury.

We have some close friends going thru lawsuit hell right now as a result of their nanny having an epileptic seizure (neither party knew she suffered from this until the first episode) while caring for their young children including a baby- and subsequently being let go as a result.
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slayed
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by slayed »

I would probably not hire her.
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Sheepdog
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Sheepdog »

My oh my..a person's weight does not define their abilities, character, personality, caring, loving. You should realize there are certainly obese persons on this forum, or they love persons who are obese. I do. This thread would surely hurt them as it does I..
Last edited by Sheepdog on Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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gasman
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by gasman »

As long as I wasn't paying her health insurance, I would hire her.
stan1
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by stan1 »

What does your spouse think? Sometimes the power of two minds is the best way to work through a complex family dilemma. I don't think you'll get much help from others on this very personal decision.
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simplesimon
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by simplesimon »

What are your alternatives?
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

If you are uncomfortable with a particular candidate then do not hire them.
If you have a problem with someone's appearance and are prone to making judgement before the fact, then don't hire them.

If you have talked about someone's appearance in a discriminatory manner then you are the one with the problem. Realize this, if you are posting about it here, chances are real good you are going to let it slip either verbally or other easily translated mannerism that will be received by this person, it's hurtful!!
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staythecourse
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by staythecourse »

The issue I have is NOT about her being obese as long as she is the most qualified and dependable. The issue i have is your prejudice. Not that I wouldn't be any different (most likely I would be the same). BUT if one is going to be prejudice then you shouldn't put that extra burden on her on hiring her. For example, She is late one day you may end up going, "Great she probably is late because she is so slow due to being overweight" instead of assuming a more benign reason like traffic. That is unfair to her. So in the end if it is a big deal for you and you really can't get over it then don't start this relationship. Like any relationship it should be out of good faith.

Personally, I wouldn't hire her as I don't think I can look over morbid obesity. I would always be worried about her being mobile enough to take care of an infant especially when they start crawling. Right or wrong I have my own biases just like everyone else does.

Good luck.
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coalcracker
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by coalcracker »

Sheepdog wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:57 am My oh my..a person's weight does not define their abilities, character, personality, caring, loving. You should realize there are certainly obese persons on this forum, or they love persons who are obese. I do. This thread would surely hurt them as it does I..
I apologize if you were hurt by my comments. I hoped it would be obvious that was not my intent. I make an effort to avoid lying whenever possible, and I was trying to be honest with my feelings here.

Obesity is a fact of life, especially in this country. Both of my parents are obese, and I still love them. I also know it adversely affects their health and may lead them to an early grave.

I realize obesity may not change a person's character, but its physical and psychological effects are hard to ignore.
Last edited by coalcracker on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Yooper
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Yooper »

If she's quick on her feet and has stamina I wouldn't worry about it. Much of her day will be spent following the 3 year old around and moving between children. I say "quick", because I can't count the number of times I've had to dash to the rescue over the years. And still do.

Don't think that being overweight is contagious (smile) so unless it runs in your family or you have very poor eating habits, think your kids will be OK.
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coalcracker
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by coalcracker »

simplesimon wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:02 am What are your alternatives?
stan1 wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:00 am What does your spouse think? Sometimes the power of two minds is the best way to work through a complex family dilemma. I don't think you'll get much help from others on this very personal decision.
We have one or two other candidates who could work, but this nanny is our favorite.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by stan1 »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:09 am
simplesimon wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:02 am What are your alternatives?
stan1 wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:00 am What does your spouse think? Sometimes the power of two minds is the best way to work through a complex family dilemma. I don't think you'll get much help from others on this very personal decision.
We have one or two other candidates who could work, but this nanny is our favorite.
Then you should go with your instincts.
Warning: I am about 80% satisficer (accepting of good enough) and 20% maximizer
Nectarineman
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Nectarineman »

if she has a clean background, is caring and responsible, YES.

Unless you use other criteria when judging who your children should be around :shock:
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coalcracker
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by coalcracker »

To those who have taken offense at this topic:

How is my concern about obesity different from my concern about other health issues when hiring a nanny?

What if, as another commenter mentioned, the concern was seizures instead of obesity? Or a previous stroke with limited strength in one arm? Or severe vision impairment? Would you be equally offended if I raised concerns about hiring a nanny with one of these conditions?
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Pajamas
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Pajamas »

I praise you for recognizing your prejudice and questioning it instead of blindly being enslaved by it or even justifying and embracing it. :beer
Bigbonds
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Bigbonds »

Being judged on your looks or waistline is just a reality of life. I don't see a problem with it as long as you are not holding anybody to a standard you don't live up to yourself.

If someone can't make good enough choices in life to manage their waistline I question their other choices in life. Chick fil a has a similar line of thinking in that they don't want anybody owning one of their restaurants who has had a divorce. The line of thinking being if you can't manage to maintain a marriage they don't want you managing their restaurant.

I see no problem with the same line of thinking based on how obese a person is. I know there are health and genetic issues but most of the time it's a reflection of poor personal choices. Investing in you health is just as important as investing in your 401k.
Last edited by Bigbonds on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

Someone's weight does not usually impact their ability to perform day to day activities. However, if the person is required to lift 50lb boxes and is huffing and puffing to even pick it up, we can see there is an impairment that would prevent them from carrying out the assigned tasks. If you can not see any impairment and it appears you do not and you do say you prefer this person, then why are you highlighting their weight? We could go pages into the why and why not's but this isn't a personal advice forum.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by dwickenh »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:16 am To those who have taken offense at this topic:

How is my concern about obesity different from my concern about other health issues when hiring a nanny?

What if, as another commenter mentioned, the concern was seizures instead of obesity? Or a previous stroke with limited strength in one arm? Or severe vision impairment? Would you be equally offended if I raised concerns about hiring a nanny with one of these conditions?
Do not hire based on consensus, your feelings are the most important. We are not hiring a nanny, you are. Do not base your decision on what people might think of you.

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HueyLD
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by HueyLD »

I think it may be a good idea to hire another candidate.

Too many things can go wrong with a nanny regardless of the weight. After all, it is your children's care and you have the right to hire whomever you are comfortable with.

It must be dreadful to be obese and I have to applaud you for being honest with yourself.

Do what you think is the best for your children. Good luck.
fposte
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by fposte »

You should check to make sure you're not in a jurisdiction (Michigan, a few municipalities) where obesity is a protected category and hiring rejection based on it could be illegal discrimination.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by guitarguy »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:16 am To those who have taken offense at this topic:

How is my concern about obesity different from my concern about other health issues when hiring a nanny?

What if, as another commenter mentioned, the concern was seizures instead of obesity? Or a previous stroke with limited strength in one arm? Or severe vision impairment? Would you be equally offended if I raised concerns about hiring a nanny with one of these conditions?
I still expect the thread will be locked soon...and I'm not offended at all by the topic...but I do find it an odd post for a public forum. Either your prejudices will get in the way and you'll feel too uncomfortable to hire her, or they won't and you won't. Opinions from the internet really shouldn't be the factor that forms your opinion and your feelings. Talk with your spouse about it.

But you said that she carries herself well and you don't have concerns that she'll be able to physically be able to care for the children. Therefore, her weight doesn't seem to impede her physical abilities to care for your kids, no? Based on that it's different than any of these other medical conditions you mention.
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Pajamas
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Pajamas »

Here's another thought to consider: Would you refuse to hire an underweight nanny because she was not capable of controlling her eating habits well enough to maintain a healthy weight?

There are strong genetic influences on body weight and obesity and disease can play a role as well. People who attribute it solely to a lack of willpower or morality or similar are mistaken.
Tamalak
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Tamalak »

No, I would not hire someone who is obviously unhealthy, especially ill health that is self-inflicted.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by LarryAllen »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:16 am To those who have taken offense at this topic:

How is my concern about obesity different from my concern about other health issues when hiring a nanny?

What if, as another commenter mentioned, the concern was seizures instead of obesity? Or a previous stroke with limited strength in one arm? Or severe vision impairment? Would you be equally offended if I raised concerns about hiring a nanny with one of these conditions?
Ok then say "I am thinking about hiring a nanny who is great in all regards but has some health issues...." Obesity is a sensitive issue since so many people are obese. They don't like being reminded that it's such a problem. Plus you can't say anything about anybody that might hurt anybody's feelings ever. It's called life in 2017 USA. Eggshells are everywhere.

Personally, I'd hire the lady as she is your #1 candidate.
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unclescrooge
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by unclescrooge »

Depending on where you live, obesity is a epidemic.

Don't let it cloud your judgement.

We hired a nanny who many would've ignored based on her looks, and appearance.

Her verbal and spoken communication skills were far superior to the average American working regular office jobs, but she had some unique circumstances than forced her to work as a nanny.

After her husband abandoned her and their toddler, she couldn't afford the cost of day care in A HCOL city. So her stipulation was she bring her son.

Her son was the same age as my daughter, so we thought she'd have company.

My wife and I were very impressed by the email she sent outlining her circumstances. But she was physically imposing, black, and overweight. She did not have the financial resources to dress very well, or eat healthy. She did not fit the mold of a nanny, and in fact, the unfriendly neighbors across the street called the neighborhood security patrol company several times over the course of a year.

But she was amazing. Courteous, diligent, kind and extremely patient with the kids.

We were sad when we moved but we gave a good reference, and she found a full time nanny job. Once her kid goes to school, she'll probably get an office job, unless of course, she faces similar discrimination.

Discrimination is wide spread. Kudos to OP for recognizing his subconscious bias and trying to over come it with reason.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

We hired an obese nanny once (well, he was male, so we called him a "manny"). We did have to have a discussion with him about portion sizes for our kids, as he was overfeeding them. It wasn't a difficult conversation. He left for reasons entirely unrelated to his size.

Kudos for posting a thread that you must have known would open you up to criticism.

Short answer: if this nanny is the one you feel best about absent the obesity issues, I'd hire her.
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SmileyFace
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by SmileyFace »

In addition to it being "habits" it could also be a medical condition that lead to her obesity. It could also be culture, etc.
If you feel she is the best person for the job you should hire her and not discriminate based upon her weight.
fourkids
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by fourkids »

as a mom of 4yo twin boys,
do you trust that she can run fast enough into the street to catch your kid when he runs or rides his trike into the street?
All my caregivers have been at least as physically active as I am.
spoco79
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by spoco79 »

No need to apologize.

Obesity doesn't bother me, but I won't hire people with visible tattoos.
juliewongferra
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by juliewongferra »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:28 am She carries herself well, and I am not particularly concerned about her ability to physically care for our children.
She carries herself well--that is THE MOST IMPORTANT. Isn't it important to show your child that obese people can be kind, caring, generous, etc.? More than worrying that your children think obesity is normal, how about you show then that even people who don't live up to your standards, physical or otherwise, can be valuable, contributing members of society? You have said many times that she is the right candidate, and that is the most important thing.
coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:28 am Maybe I wonder about the habits that have resulted in her obesity. Maybe I worry that my children will come to think that obesity is "normal." The truth can be ugly, but I want to be honest here.
Do you know for a *fact* what "habits" caused her obesity? (I suspect that you don't.) It's NOT so simple that she eats too much, for example. Maybe she has a medical condition that has caused her obesity--a medical condition that does NOT affect her ability to care for your children. (And maybe this medical condition was inherited, so it's not her "fault" at all.

Good luck to you, coalcracker--I honestly hope that your decision, whatever it is (although I am in the camp of hiring her), is right, and that your children can grow to be safe, understanding, tolerant people. And, more important, good luck to this nanny, who may need luck to go through life more than you do, as she may have to deal with social biases in addition to her health complications.

cheers,
jwf
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user76586
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by user76586 »

Go with your gut and what's best for your family. Don't base your decision on strangers' desires to virtue signal. You have legitimate concerns including health/reliability, ability to keep up with a toddler and have the energy to perform other tasks, and the life lessons/habits your children will be taught. When people say obesity isn't contagious, take a look at how many obese people have seriously overweight children and pets. I say pets not to be offensive but because it removes any possible genetic explanation. I also very strongly suspect that it wasn't the person's weight by itself that gave you pause, but something else about their appearance, mannerisms, or answers they gave that either raised the previously mentioned concerns or caused you to never get that gut feeling of "this is the right person that I should hire now."
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by JBTX »

As long as she was physically capable of keeping up with the kids and i could be comfortable that she isn't passing on poor eating habits to the kids I'd consider her. Yeah, it would be a strike against her but at he same time given the societal biases against obese people you may end up with a far more qualified candidate.

I have some extended family who are obese and I wouldn't hesitate having them help with kids.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by juliewongferra »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:16 am To those who have taken offense at this topic:

How is my concern about obesity different from my concern about other health issues when hiring a nanny?

What if, as another commenter mentioned, the concern was seizures instead of obesity? Or a previous stroke with limited strength in one arm? Or severe vision impairment? Would you be equally offended if I raised concerns about hiring a nanny with one of these conditions?
The difference is that you said in your 1st post about this obese nanny "I am not particularly concerned about her ability to physically care for our children." Her job is to care for your children, and being obese doesn't affect that.

Having seizures, a stroke, or a vision impairment might affect her ability to physically care for your children--i.e., might affect her ability to do the job you hire her for.

cheers,
jwf
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Pale Horse
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Pale Horse »

Can we please get off the high horse and stop trying to trample the guy?

He's not just hiring a nanny, he's also hiring someone who will be around his child(ren) 8+ hours a day and a de facto role model.

IF the circumstances which led to her "morbid obesity" are within her control, I believe the OP is very much in the right by questioning whether hiring her is in the best interest of his family. Personally, I'd prefer someone who is active, enjoys exercise, and can demonstrate proper and responsible eating habits.

Sure, you can tell kids to eat healthy and go outside to play until your blue in the face, but it's not going to do much good if their caretakers (parents included) are sitting on the couch, surfing the internet, and eating potato chips.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by alfaspider »

I would just look at it from an ability to do the job perspective. That's really the only thing that matters. My main concern is whether she'd be physically able to run after a 3-year old who is getting into mischief. Also, whether she'd be physically up for things like taking children to the park. However, if she's in reasonably good shape for her size, that may not be an issue.
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coalcracker
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by coalcracker »

juliewongferra wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:53 am
coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:16 am To those who have taken offense at this topic:

How is my concern about obesity different from my concern about other health issues when hiring a nanny?

What if, as another commenter mentioned, the concern was seizures instead of obesity? Or a previous stroke with limited strength in one arm? Or severe vision impairment? Would you be equally offended if I raised concerns about hiring a nanny with one of these conditions?
The difference is that you said in your 1st post about this obese nanny "I am not particularly concerned about her ability to physically care for our children." Her job is to care for your children, and being obese doesn't affect that.

Having seizures, a stroke, or a vision impairment might affect her ability to physically care for your children--i.e., might affect her ability to do the job you hire her for.

cheers,
jwf
Point taken. My example is not exactly apples to apples. I also said I am not particularly concerned about her physical abilities, but I do wonder if she could outrun my 3-year-old should the situation arise.

The broader point is that, as a society, we should not hesitate to talk about obesity as a problem. It is. We ignore it or sugar-coat it at our peril.
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SmileyFace
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by SmileyFace »

Pale Horse wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:59 am Can we please get off the high horse and stop trying to trample the guy?

He's not just hiring a nanny, he's also hiring someone who will be around his child(ren) 8+ hours a day and a de facto role model.

IF the circumstances which led to her "morbid obesity" are within her control, I believe the OP is very much in the right by questioning whether hiring her is in the best interest of his family. Personally, I'd prefer someone who is active, enjoys exercise, and can demonstrate proper and responsible eating habits.

Sure, you can tell kids to eat healthy and go outside to play until your blue in the face, but it's not going to do much good if their caretakers (parents included) are sitting on the couch, surfing the internet, and eating potato chips.
The flaw in your conclusion here is that you can't tell if this is their disposition based solely upon their weight. I know a lot of skinny people with high-metabolisms that eat terrible ("vegetables are what my food eats" one tells me) and are out-of-shape physically.
Pale Horse
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Pale Horse »

DaftInvestor wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:07 am
The flaw in your conclusion here is that you can't tell if this is their disposition based solely upon their weight. I know a lot of skinny people with high-metabolisms that eat terrible ("vegetables are what my food eats" one tells me) and are out-of-shape physically.
True, but not really relevant in this case.
ArmchairArchitect
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by ArmchairArchitect »

There's a higher likelihood that she will overfeed your kids, be lazy about her job, or have unexpected days off due to health issues stemming from the morbid obesity.

Not saying that will happen, just that there's a higher chance.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by LarryAllen »

coalcracker wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:04 am We ignore it or sugar-coat it at our peril.
Ha, sugar-coat it.
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Pajamas
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Pajamas »

user76586 wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:50 am Don't base your decision on strangers' desires to virtue signal.
I would never hire or even voluntarily associate with someone who says things like that. It is more of a reflection on your values than anyone else's.
ArmchairArchitect wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:13 am There's a higher likelihood that she will overfeed your kids, be lazy about her job, or have unexpected days off due to health issues stemming from the morbid obesity.

Not saying that will happen, just that there's a higher chance.
Now it's getting ugly: The old prejudice "Fat people are lazy" is expressed explicitly.
Last edited by Pajamas on Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:17 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by LarryAllen »

spoco79 wrote: Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:49 am No need to apologize.

Obesity doesn't bother me, but I won't hire people with visible tattoos.
It's interesting we all have our thing. I don't mind (though do not love) visible tattoos in employees but the reality is they are so common with the young people that it's hard to fill low level jobs without a tat or two showing. On the other hand I won't hire someone that smells like an ashtray.
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Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Bigbonds »

What if it's not a genetics/health issue? What if she is like most Americans and consumes an insane amount of added sugar and simply doesn't exercise? Are you sure this is who you want making food and exercise decisions and teaching your kids habits they will grow up? This is habits that could have a major impact on their quality of life. I wouldn't hire a nanny that made other bad personal choices such a cigarette smoking either. To each their own though.
Da5id
Posts: 5066
Joined: Fri Feb 26, 2016 7:20 am

Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by Da5id »

I'd try and figure out, objectively, if you think she is the best person for the job. If her weight will interfere with it, don't hire her. Some valid objections I've seen in the thread:

1) may not model the eating/exercise behaviors you want your kids to see
2) may not be able to do physical activities (do you want your nanny to be running around playing tag with kids?)
3) may have more health issues than a more fit person

Those are all fair enough reasons not to hire her. But if you feel she has the right personality to fit with your kids and is a good and caring person, that may, so to speak, outweigh those issues. If it is just you don't how she looks, that feels out of line to me, but you are doing the hiring.
barnaclebob
Posts: 5588
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:54 am

Re: Would you hire an obese nanny?

Post by barnaclebob »

I wouldn't hire her. She is uneducated and or unmotivated about her own health.

There are very few health conditions which can cause obesity involuntarily. Many health issues can make ones metabolism change a little but its not more than a several hundred calories a day at worst.
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