My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

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objectivefunction
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My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:14 am

Very soon my wife is having our 5th (and very probably last) child.

She is a SAHM, and you would be correct in believing that she is a friggin super hero! In other countries she would receive a medal and the thanks of her government (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9da ... %C3%A7aise). I actually thought it would be fun to make up a medal for her.

There is a local winery that makes a wine she really enjoys, and she has mentioned I should get it for her. It's $80, but it doesn't feel like enough. Though I'm not necessarily looking to buy her a Lexus or anything.

Any particularly fun or meaningful push gifts that bogleheads have given or received?

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oldcomputerguy
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby oldcomputerguy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:16 am

Get her a case of the wine she likes.

And rub her feet.
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Kosmo
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Kosmo » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:18 am

A vasectomy.

objectivefunction
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:23 am

Kosmo wrote:A vasectomy.


Might be in the works :)
Last edited by objectivefunction on Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

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kramer
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby kramer » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:28 am

What is a "push gift"? I have never heard that term.

Eric76
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Eric76 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:31 am

kramer wrote:What is a "push gift"? I have never heard that term.


A present you give your wife after your baby is delivered. I learned from my wife that a push gift is expected even if she has a c section and there is technically no "pushing" involved!

objectivefunction
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:32 am

It is a gift given to the woman who bears your child, because you are proud of her and appreciate all she has gone through.

Lynette
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Lynette » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:37 am

objectivefunction wrote:It is a gift given to the woman who bears your child, because you are proud of her and appreciate all she has gone through.


Keep the gifts rolling. Going through birth is one issue but the real work starts once the child is born and for a lifetime afterwards!

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alec
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby alec » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:39 am

When my neighbor had her fourth kid, her spouse took a month off work.
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objectivefunction
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:09 am

alec wrote:When my neighbor had her fourth kid, her spouse took a month off work.


Out of the the five jobs I've had over the years, this is the first time I'm at a company with paternity leave, and I'm adding some of my own PTO to that to take a month off work.

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LiveSimple
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby LiveSimple » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:13 am

House keeping and taking care of kids including the new born !!!

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby JerryStubak » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:15 am

What is a push gift?

UncleBen
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby UncleBen » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:17 am

A pair of Tieks in her favorite color. (Fushia or Cobalt if you want to signify boy or girl, or Lovestruck to go for the heart).

https://tieks.com/

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Grt2bOutdoors » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:23 am

kramer wrote:What is a "push gift"? I have never heard that term.


An expectation of a material gift when the real gift is that which you delivered.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby StevieG72 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:24 am

I had never heard of a "push gift" either.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Grt2bOutdoors » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:26 am

objectivefunction wrote:It is a gift given to the woman who bears your child, because you are proud of her and appreciate all she has gone through.

When does material gifts have to signify that? Appreciating someone can be expressed in many ways and everyday without need for material gifts or occassion.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby pennstater2005 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:32 am

Somehow this reminds me of the "tip" jars I see just about everywhere now. That said, I had never heard of a push gift either but agree with Grt2bOutdoors that your beautiful child is the gift.

Taking time off work and helping out around the house and with all the kids, and then continuing to do so long after without being asked will be appreciated by your spouse.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby saladdin » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:09 am

objectivefunction wrote:It is a gift given to the woman who bears your child, because you are proud of her and appreciate all she has gone through.


What's the gift called for the other spouse who gets up at 0400 every day for decades to pay for the housing and food?

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby ddurrett896 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:11 am

objectivefunction wrote:Any particularly fun or meaningful push gifts that bogleheads have given or received?


I always give my wife the best push gifts...do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. for the first few months.

FS51
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby FS51 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:16 am

I got my wife a Heather Moore necklace/pendant. 3 pendants actually with 2 being our first initials and one being our child's first and middle name on one side and date of birth on the other. Representative of our family. When our second child was born I added another pendant with that child's first and middle name on one side and date of birth on the other. She wears it everyday. Heather Moore couldn't be more outrageously​ priced but this was a home run for my wife.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby SimonJester » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:22 am

Skip the gift, do the house work for the first month, put the money for the gift into a college fund for #5 instead.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby mouses » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:23 am

Kosmo wrote:A vasectomy.


:D :D :D I was going to say birth control pills, overdue, but I figured the mods would ban me.

rosylenm
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby rosylenm » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:39 am

Her own bathroom when the kids become teenagers?

why3not
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby why3not » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:43 am

the joy of carrying the baby to term & (hopefully) delivering a healthy addition to your family?

wrongfunds
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby wrongfunds » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:46 am

Fully paid up 529 plans for their Harvard education to 5 kids?

objectivefunction
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:47 am

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:...the real gift is that which you delivered.


She already has four of those. I thought I'd give her something different this time.

objectivefunction
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:48 am

saladdin wrote:What's the gift called for the other spouse who gets up at 0400 every day for decades to pay for the housing and food?


No reason to get defensive. Just because I want to give my wife a gift because I appreciate all she's been through for me and the kids does not mean that she has no appreciation for what I do (in fact I know she does).

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:51 am

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:When does material gifts have to signify that? Appreciating someone can be expressed in many ways and everyday without need for material gifts or occassion.


Sorry, I may have come across as too interested in a material gift. I don't think it has to be material. Should I write her a poem?

Childbirth is both frightening and beautiful, and I remember especially (for some reason) after #4 was born just feeling so proud of my wife. I want to show that materially or immaterially and celebrate that this is the end of childbearing for us.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby djpeteski » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:02 am

My wife, who was a labor and delivery nurse for many years, says something "in a little blue box". Something from Tiffany's, a bottle of wine, and an award made at a local trophy shop would be a really nice gesture.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Jack FFR1846 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:11 am

rosylenm wrote:Her own bathroom panic room when the kids become teenagers?


fixed that for ya
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby DaftInvestor » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:16 am

A case of the wine she really likes and a gift certificate for a day at the spa.

mak1277
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby mak1277 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:18 am

Definitely jewelry if she's into that. The pendant idea up above was a good one, but with 5 kids it would be tough...same with birthstones unless you have a few overlapping birth months.

I'm not sure why there is so much pushback against a "push gift". Before this was even a common term, back in the mid-80s, I remember going to the jewelers with my dad to pick out a gift for my mom when my brother was born. I thought it was a lot of fun helping him pick something out for her.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Tal- » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:29 am

While not entirely foreign, this idea does strike me as odd. I can't imagine a new mother, with a new baby, getting excited about opening a gift. That's not to say that these aren't great ideas - only that any object seems trivial to me at this point.

With that said, if the wife is expecting it...

I don't know what your finances or budget look like, but jewelry is almost always a winner in situations like this. And, I really like the idea of getting that somehow customized with engravings or stones representing you, your wife, and your new child.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Doohop65 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:35 am

I bought my wife a pair of nice earrings with the baby's birthstone when our first was born. She loves the earrings to this day and the significance of the birthstone is priceless.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Leemiller » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:42 am

A nice piece of jewelry that she can wear daily and enjoy but that has the wow factor. I'm not sure why your question got the responses it did, but I'm sure your wife will appreciate your thoughtfulness! I should add that I'm a woman and a mom, she will love a special gift.

Rupert
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Rupert » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:43 am

Can we please just stop using the term "push gift"? It's cringe-worthy. That's what inspired the aggressive responses. If you want to give her a gift, fine.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Luke Duke » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:03 am

I bought my wife birthstone earrings before she delivered our daughters with the idea that she will eventually give them to the girls when they are older. I didn't get my wife anything when she had our son (#3). In fact, my wife surprised me and gave me a nice pair of cuff links, which I hope to give to my son one day.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby NotWhoYouThink » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:07 am

It takes all kinds. I haven't read The Five Love Languages, but understand that some people express love by giving gifts, and some people feel loved when they receive gifts. Many on this board might join me in feeling that gift giving is a terribly inefficient economic construct and generally a waste of time and money. And that the phrase "push gift" is creepy as heck. Those of us who feel that way can read this thread anthropologically to learn about other cultures, but should probably limit our comments.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby barnaclebob » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:19 am

The jewelry industry is clever at making people think there are "mandatory" gift giving occasions isn't it. I remember having a confused look on my face after buying an engagement ring when the saleslady mentioned something about coming back for the wedding gift in a tone that this type of gift is a certainty. Here I was thinking that being able to finally be able to be married after 6 years of dating and planning a sweet honeymoon was the gift. (We waited until we were both out of college)

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby lthenderson » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:38 am

I have a feeling that if I had given my wife some sort of material gift after the birth of either of our children, she would have slapped me for trying to objectify her role in the process with a reward. I settled for just being there, enjoying the moment with her and being extra supportive when we got back home.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby an_asker » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:43 am

objectivefunction wrote:Very soon my wife is having our 5th (and very probably last) child.

She is a SAHM, and you would be correct in believing that she is a friggin super hero! In other countries she would receive a medal and the thanks of her government (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9da ... %C3%A7aise). I actually thought it would be fun to make up a medal for her.

There is a local winery that makes a wine she really enjoys, and she has mentioned I should get it for her. It's $80, but it doesn't feel like enough. Though I'm not necessarily looking to buy her a Lexus or anything.

Any particularly fun or meaningful push gifts that bogleheads have given or received?

I think the OBGYN should be giving a multi-birth discount AND a gift ;-)

Oh ... and congratulations! [though I cannot imagine providing for more than two little ones!!]

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Texanbybirth » Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:52 am

objectivefunction wrote:Very soon my wife is having our 5th (and very probably last) child.

She is a SAHM, and you would be correct in believing that she is a friggin super hero! In other countries she would receive a medal and the thanks of her government (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9da ... %C3%A7aise). I actually thought it would be fun to make up a medal for her.

There is a local winery that makes a wine she really enjoys, and she has mentioned I should get it for her. It's $80, but it doesn't feel like enough. Though I'm not necessarily looking to buy her a Lexus or anything.

Any particularly fun or meaningful push gifts that bogleheads have given or received?


Congrats to you on your large family, truly heroic!

I think the wine is a great idea, and I'd start with that, but do they have winery tours or gift boxes? (Obviously that would have to wait until little one is older to be without mom.) You haven't stated your budget, but if $80 "doesn't feel like enough" then perhaps you can play off the wine idea with the bottle being a medium to deliver a larger gift. It's really hard to give advice about gifts without knowing more about your situation, ie budget, love languages, timeframe, etc.

I really just wanted to positively comment on someone being brave enough to say they have 5 kids. Most people look at you like you have two heads when you say you have/want a large family.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Barefootgirl » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:02 am

What's the gift called for the other spouse who gets up at 0400 every day for decades to pay for the housing and food?


I can appreciate the intent of husband, but there are many ways to take this.

What about the spouse that gave birth, raised the child AND got up every day at sunrise to earn an income to equally pay for housing and food, while the other spouse travelled out of town for his job?

Eh, its a thankless job, so I gift myself, frequently and generously :)
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby SquawkIdent » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:07 am

Two things:

1. a gift certificate for a spa day after she has delivered and recovered.

2. helping out a lot around the house, without being asked.

Congratulations!! :sharebeer

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby new2bogle » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:11 am

Rupert wrote:Can we please just stop using the term "push gift"? It's cringe-worthy. That's what inspired the aggressive responses. If you want to give her a gift, fine.


But that term, push gift, is all the rage these days. I very aggressively did NOT get my wife a push gift as the term is just stupid and I could not wrap my head around it. It really came into prominence the last few years, as I don't remember hearing about it for the birth of my first kid. Materialism at its best!

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby GoldenFinch » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:18 am

NotWhoYouThink wrote:It takes all kinds. I haven't read The Five Love Languages, but understand that some people express love by giving gifts, and some people feel loved when they receive gifts. Many on this board might join me in feeling that gift giving is a terribly inefficient economic construct and generally a waste of time and money. And that the phrase "push gift" is creepy as heck. Those of us who feel that way can read this thread anthropologically to learn about other cultures, but should probably limit our comments.


Well said.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:21 am

Texanbybirth wrote:You haven't stated your budget, but if $80 "doesn't feel like enough"


I didn't necessarily mean that it wasn't enough in price, but that maybe it's not meaningful enough.

I'm leaning towards something consumable (a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, a spa certificate), and some kind of keepsake (even just a fun/goofy medal inducting her into the Order of Supreme Motherhood). I would be fine spending a couple hundred dollars. She's the kind to appreciate a heartfelt card more than jewelry. Like I said I'm not buying her a Lexus.

Or have I been brainwashed by the Big Chocolate Industrial Complex?

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby mak1277 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:22 am

lthenderson wrote:I have a feeling that if I had given my wife some sort of material gift after the birth of either of our children, she would have slapped me for trying to objectify her role in the process with a reward.


Why would you, or she, or anyone think about it as a "reward"? I think it's a commemoration of a spectacular event. Where is the harm or insult in giving a nice gift that will always be remembered fondly as being associated with the birth of a child?

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby lthenderson » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:47 am

mak1277 wrote:
lthenderson wrote:I have a feeling that if I had given my wife some sort of material gift after the birth of either of our children, she would have slapped me for trying to objectify her role in the process with a reward.


Why would you, or she, or anyone think about it as a "reward"? I think it's a commemoration of a spectacular event. Where is the harm or insult in giving a nice gift that will always be remembered fondly as being associated with the birth of a child?


I think it could be a fine line of being interpreted as a reward for pushing a baby out versus the commemorating the birth of a child, especially with the label of "push gift" involved and the prior four childrens births weren't "commemorated". Context plays a big part in this situation.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby mak1277 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:51 am

lthenderson wrote:
mak1277 wrote:
lthenderson wrote:I have a feeling that if I had given my wife some sort of material gift after the birth of either of our children, she would have slapped me for trying to objectify her role in the process with a reward.


Why would you, or she, or anyone think about it as a "reward"? I think it's a commemoration of a spectacular event. Where is the harm or insult in giving a nice gift that will always be remembered fondly as being associated with the birth of a child?


I think it could be a fine line of being interpreted as a reward for pushing a baby out versus the commemorating the birth of a child, especially with the label of "push gift" involved and the prior four childrens births weren't "commemorated". Context plays a big part in this situation.


It's not like there's going to be a sign on the box that says "push gift".

I just can't imagine why anyone would have a problem with this. Just because the term is relatively new, I don't think the concept is (as I mentioned above).


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