My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

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larsm
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby larsm » Wed Jun 07, 2017 12:32 pm

Kosmo wrote:A vasectomy.


Ditto.

Barefootgirl
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Barefootgirl » Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:21 pm

Seems like many of the responses here are coming from the same folks who don't celebrate Grandparents Day or Siblings Day. 8-)
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mnnice
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby mnnice » Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:39 pm

objectivefunction wrote:
Grt2bOutdoors wrote:When does material gifts have to signify that? Appreciating someone can be expressed in many ways and everyday without need for material gifts or occassion.


Sorry, I may have come across as too interested in a material gift. I don't think it has to be material. Should I write her a poem?

Childbirth is both frightening and beautiful, and I remember especially (for some reason) after #4 was born just feeling so proud of my wife. I want to show that materially or immaterially and celebrate that this is the end of childbearing for us.


Maybe a brief kid free vacation when #5 is deemed old enough for it to be fun.

SrGrumpy
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby SrGrumpy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:43 pm

A card that says, "What the hell? Let's try for a six-pack."

nyclon
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby nyclon » Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:00 pm

objectivefunction wrote:Very soon my wife is having our 5th (and very probably last) child.

She is a SAHM, and you would be correct in believing that she is a friggin super hero! In other countries she would receive a medal and the thanks of her government (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9da ... %C3%A7aise). I actually thought it would be fun to make up a medal for her.

There is a local winery that makes a wine she really enjoys, and she has mentioned I should get it for her. It's $80, but it doesn't feel like enough. Though I'm not necessarily looking to buy her a Lexus or anything.

Any particularly fun or meaningful push gifts that bogleheads have given or received?


See if you can buy her some sleep :D

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High Income Parent
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby High Income Parent » Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:02 pm

Welcome to the five timers club. My wife loves photography so I bought her a dream camera. Maybe there is something along those lines that would be a big gift she would never purchase herself.
Also a vasectomy. ;)
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Meg77
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Meg77 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:19 pm

I think this is a sweet gesture and a wonderful idea, and I'm a bit surprised at the backlash and implied eye rolls. Gifts are not mandatory for any occasion, including birthdays and anniversaries, but they are generally appreciated as any wife can tell you.

You middle aged men may cringe at the term "push present," but as a wife of child-bearing age I can attest that this would be a welcome and meaningful gesture (one I have heard of others receiving). Helping out with the dishes and diapers while her body recovers from this massive physical and emotional trauma is what is known as a given, a basic expectation, and frankly a parental obligation - not a gift or special favor.

And obviously the child is a gift, but imagine showing up at a birthday and telling your wife, "Congratulations, your real gift is that you're still alive; it would be comparatively meaningless for me to try to mark this occasion with a material object." Or worse, at a major anniversary, "Congratulations that I'm still married to you; obviously that is all the gift you could ever want." Possibly true, but also probably not quite as true after being articulated so crudely.

Ideas:
--A bracelet with five stones, one for each of the birthstones of each of the children (possibly seven stones, two of which are larger and represent the two of you). Birthstones are fairly inexpensive, especially for small stones.
--Diamond earrings - a basic pair don't have to be extraordinarily expensive
--A necklace or any piece of jewelry you think she'd like that is a bit more special (nicer, more expensive) than most of what she already owns.
--A gift card to a local spa

This is in addition to having her favorite bottle of wine and a nice card on the table when she comes home from the hospital. Which is very thoughtful.

Any of you who think these material gifts are unnecessary or excessive may prefer to frame them in terms of a relatively low cost investment in a relationship with a high liklihood for long-lasting reward and very, very little risk.
"An investment in knowledge pays the best interest." - Benjamin Franklin

Mintee
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Mintee » Wed Jun 07, 2017 4:33 pm

Please stop. A happy husband and proud father wants to give his wife a gift. Let's honor his good intentions and suggest gifts that have been meaningful to us.

Does your wife like jewelry? If so, do you have a jeweler you can trust to make you something that's truly wonderful without costing a fortune? I hesitate to suggest actual items because we are all so different, but my husband has surprised me with thoughtful jewelry (he had a shell from a beach we visited on our honeymoon affixed with a latch so I could wear it on a chain, he asked a jeweler to make a replica of a place we visited, etc.). I'd opt for something that is meaningful to you both, whether it's jewelry, a return to a favorite restaurant (albeit, in the future), etc.

Taking time off to care for your new little one is essential while your wife gets some sleep, enjoys friends or whatever she wishes. In combination with a nice piece of meaningful jewelry that she can share in the future--or not, as she wishes---heaven!

Congratulations! Having great children and a great spouse are real happiness.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Easy Rhino » Wed Jun 07, 2017 4:51 pm

hey, my wife is expecting also. only our second. And last. So congratulations!

I kinda agree that the term "push gift" gives me a bit of ick, even though my wife has used it too. It's just like the word "moist".

But anyway, wine seems like a good idea, because it's something she can't use until the pregnancy is done. (well, and if breastfeeding, still tread carefully I suppose)

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby littlebird » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:35 pm

Although the ugly and patronizing phrase "push gift" may be new, the concept certainly isn't. My newly-middle class immigrant grandfather surprised my grandmother with a gorgeous room-sized Oriental rug when she gave birth to my mother a century ago. In my generation, we got a licensed practical nurse to pamper us and baby :happy for a week when we came home from the hospital.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby virgingorda » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:16 pm

Can someone provide a recent history of push gifts? This was definitely not a "thing" 15-20 years ago. How recent is this tradition?

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby junior » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:18 pm

I'm not married and probably biased but the term "push gift" does strike me as pretty icky, like the gift is just a tip for a business service she is performing. Maybe I wouldnt think that if it was more commen and I've heard of it before like birthdays.

As far as gift ideas go how about gift cards to a massage place?

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby MutualEdge » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:03 pm

Meg77 wrote:I think this is a sweet gesture and a wonderful idea, and I'm a bit surprised at the backlash and implied eye rolls. Gifts are not mandatory for any occasion, including birthdays and anniversaries, but they are generally appreciated as any wife can tell you.

You middle aged men may cringe at the term "push present," but as a wife of child-bearing age I can attest that this would be a welcome and meaningful gesture (one I have heard of others receiving). Helping out with the dishes and diapers while her body recovers from this massive physical and emotional trauma is what is known as a given, a basic expectation, and frankly a parental obligation - not a gift or special favor.

And obviously the child is a gift, but imagine showing up at a birthday and telling your wife, "Congratulations, your real gift is that you're still alive; it would be comparatively meaningless for me to try to mark this occasion with a material object." Or worse, at a major anniversary, "Congratulations that I'm still married to you; obviously that is all the gift you could ever want." Possibly true, but also probably not quite as true after being articulated so crudely.

Ideas:
--A bracelet with five stones, one for each of the birthstones of each of the children (possibly seven stones, two of which are larger and represent the two of you). Birthstones are fairly inexpensive, especially for small stones.
--Diamond earrings - a basic pair don't have to be extraordinarily expensive
--A necklace or any piece of jewelry you think she'd like that is a bit more special (nicer, more expensive) than most of what she already owns.
--A gift card to a local spa

This is in addition to having her favorite bottle of wine and a nice card on the table when she comes home from the hospital. Which is very thoughtful.

Any of you who think these material gifts are unnecessary or excessive may prefer to frame them in terms of a relatively low cost investment in a relationship with a high liklihood for long-lasting reward and very, very little risk.


+1

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Grt2bOutdoors » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:19 pm

virgingorda wrote:Can someone provide a recent history of push gifts? This was definitely not a "thing" 15-20 years ago. How recent is this tradition?


I've been on the forum a long time, this is the first post I've seen with such a term.
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staythecourse
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby staythecourse » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:27 pm

I'm proud and maybe should be ashamed to say I refused to buy my wife NO push present. The gift is a new baby and anything material acts attached to it seemed to cheapen it. BTW, my first was done by via c-section by the OB so my argument there was shouldn't I be buying the push present to the OB? She did all the work. :D

Then again since I did 80% of the waking up and feedings of both of our kids maybe that was her push present??

Good luck.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby celia » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:42 pm

SKIP THE WINE if she will be nursing!

That is mean to give someone a gift that she can't use. It will likely be "gone" before she is able to drink. :beer

I told DH when I came home from the hospital I wanted someplace to sit. Get the "stuff" off the chairs and couch, please. He did! (I was gone longer since each was a Csect.)

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby tsutsugamushi » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:05 pm

celia wrote:SKIP THE WINE if she will be nursing!

That is mean to give someone a gift that she can't use. It will likely be "gone" before she is able to drink. :beer


Mother and very-pregnant woman here. I won't violate forum rules with medical discussion, but breastfeeding does NOT mean months without alcohol (whereas pregnancy arguably does). I don't expect a gift from my husband when next baby arrives, but if he were to get me something, lots of my favorite wine is exactly what I would want (and what I plan to buy for myself).

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby ResearchMed » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:13 pm

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:
virgingorda wrote:Can someone provide a recent history of push gifts? This was definitely not a "thing" 15-20 years ago. How recent is this tradition?


I've been on the forum a long time, this is the first post I've seen with such a term.


Although it wasn't termed a "push gift", way back in 1981, one of the partners in a research firm I consulted with picked his wife and new baby up at the hospital to take her home... in *her* new car... a total surprise to her.

I remember thinking that I hoped he KNEW exactly what car she would want, as that wasn't going to be a "return it for a different size/color" kind of gift.

I also thought it was a REALLY nice thought. As did his wife, who happily/proudly commented on it for some time into the future.

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rcjchicity
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby rcjchicity » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:38 pm

A bracelet or necklace with all of the kids' birthstones.

A home deep-cleaning by a cleaning service a few months down the road when it feels like everything is covered in spit up

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Barefootgirl » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:19 pm

This mini backlash isn't about a gift exchange between new parents, it's about the ever growing list of expected gifting situations and creeping use of tacky language.
Check out any comedy film produced in the last 15 years. Nothing is sacred, its a race to the terminology bottom. See, I said bottom, lol.
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Yiewsley » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:20 pm

Weekly house cleaners for 6 months.

parvo19
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby parvo19 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:29 pm

Get her a gym or yoga studio membership. She'll lose the baby weight faster.

FireProof
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby FireProof » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:33 pm

Never heard of the term, but with a little research seems like something popularized in recent years by reality shows like The Real Housewives.

SrGrumpy
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby SrGrumpy » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:37 pm

Shouldn't the dad get something? He did some pushing too.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby barnaclebob » Wed Jun 07, 2017 10:49 pm

parvo19 wrote:Get her a gym or yoga studio membership. She'll lose the baby weight faster.



Lol. OP would be asking about how to deal with finances in a divorce after that gift.

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stemikger
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby stemikger » Thu Jun 08, 2017 6:02 am

kramer wrote:What is a "push gift"? I have never heard that term.


Damn, learn something new every day.

I would get her a time capsule and put all the kids info in it. Pictures, time of birth for each child, etc. And add in the $80 bottle of wine with it. Or just get a bunch of pictures of the kids through the ages and have one of those printing places make a nice hardcover book.
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Mrs.Feeley
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Mrs.Feeley » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:19 pm

Why not plant a flowering tree? If you want to be extravagant hire a nursery to plant a more mature tree than the ones at the garden center. Or maybe two or three. Congratulations on the new family member! :beer

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby rainyday1 » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:24 pm

Weekly housecleaner for a year...

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby toofache32 » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:46 pm

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:
kramer wrote:What is a "push gift"? I have never heard that term.


An expectation of a material gift when the real gift is that which you delivered.


I have never heard of this and don't know how this idea came into existence. From the description of a "push gift" where it sounds like she is about to drop a calf, perhaps the appropriate gift is a cow bell. Is her name Bessie??
Last edited by toofache32 on Fri Jun 09, 2017 7:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby lazydavid » Fri Jun 09, 2017 5:36 am

tsutsugamushi wrote:Mother and very-pregnant woman here. I won't violate forum rules with medical discussion, but breastfeeding does NOT mean months without alcohol (whereas pregnancy arguably does). I don't expect a gift from my husband when next baby arrives, but if he were to get me something, lots of my favorite wine is exactly what I would want (and what I plan to buy for myself).


As far as I know, this wasn't really a thing a decade ago when our son was born. But if it was, and I'd gotten her something, it definitely would have included a case of her favorite wine. If I asked her today what the worst/hardest things about pregnancy were, I'm fairly confident her answer would be, in order:

1) Back pain
2) Giving up wine for 8 months
3) Weight gain
4) Cravings for foods she doesn't even like

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Katietsu » Sun Jun 11, 2017 12:17 am

I agree with those who hesitate to suggest a gift without knowing more about recipient. The women/spouses associated with my husband's workplace back in the 1990's all pretty much got jewelry with the birth of their first child. So the concept has been popular for quite a while. Do not think I heard the term push gift until about 10 years ago.

Another suggestion, highly dependent on personal taste, would be a painting that represents your family of seven. This can be subtle or direct.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Miakis » Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:22 am

I think it's a nice idea! It's a recognition that while the baby is the ultimate gift, the mother did a little more of the heavy lifting in regards to bringing that gift to their family and her partner appreciates and respects that effort.

And though the terminology "push gift" might be cringe inducing, I think it's more cringe inducing that people are judgmental about it. Really? The baby is the only gift needed? What if I want a baby and a bottle of wine? I'm supposed to feel guilty about that?

Sure, all gifts pale in comparison to the baby. But... that doesn't mean it's not nice to drink some wine and go the spa. Enjoying a material gift does not mean they love their baby less.

I suggest:
1) Bottle of wine because she told you she wants it, and there's no reason to improve upon her suggestion.
2) A Spa day
3) The spa day is just a trick to get her to leave you alone with the baby for several hours so you can take it for a newborn photography session (maybe with your other kids?) and surprise her with that.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby objectivefunction » Sun Jun 18, 2017 1:20 pm

#5 was born early Wednesday morning. My wife did amazingly, and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

I opted to get her the bottle of wine, which was only $36. I'm not sure why I thought it was $80 maybe that was a different year. I think when they get close to running out of a particular year the price goes up. Anyway, I still want to give her some motherhood award.

Cheers!

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby JDCarpenter » Sun Jun 18, 2017 2:31 pm

objectivefunction wrote:#5 was born early Wednesday morning. My wife did amazingly, and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

I opted to get her the bottle of wine, which was only $36. I'm not sure why I thought it was $80 maybe that was a different year. I think when they get close to running out of a particular year the price goes up. Anyway, I still want to give her some motherhood award.

Cheers!


Congrats to you, your wife, and the new arrival!
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby crazygrow » Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:42 pm

Definitely congrats on having a fifth!

I had never heard of a push present until we had our fifth in 2010. We then had a sixth. I never did a push present but have prioritized a few things for the wife:

A 1-2 week vacation annually without the kids
She is a stay at home mom, so definitely that she has some "play" money that isn't has no strings (I only know what she buys as it is generally clothes so I see them)
A monthly dinner out with friends

My wife would much prefer these over anything material for having the baby, but each woman is different.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby sbh8 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 1:23 am

A family photo session, with the newborn and the whole family. A session with a newborn specialist can run $200-1000+ so it can be a pricey endeavor but I cherish the photos we have, and they are the only ones from the newborn time where our whole family made it into the frame.

FYI newborn photo sessions are recommended at days 5-14, so time is of the essence if you want to do this.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby clutchied » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:30 pm

new2bogle wrote:
Rupert wrote:Can we please just stop using the term "push gift"? It's cringe-worthy. That's what inspired the aggressive responses. If you want to give her a gift, fine.


But that term, push gift, is all the rage these days. I very aggressively did NOT get my wife a push gift as the term is just stupid and I could not wrap my head around it. It really came into prominence the last few years, as I don't remember hearing about it for the birth of my first kid. Materialism at its best!



you said it. The first time I heard the term I asked if my wife thought I was a piece of trash that she'd use such debased terminology with me.

evidently it's common now. It's unfortunate.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby Pajamas » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:33 pm

Kosmo wrote:A vasectomy.


Agreed, and also not calling it a "push gift" would make a nice present. :twisted:

sharpjm
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby sharpjm » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:52 pm

I suspect sometime soon capitalism will bestow upon us the "conception gift," "first trimester gift," and so on.

As long as you folks are purchasing those hard earned gifts at publicly traded companies, I'm happy with my total market index fund :D

lhl12
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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby lhl12 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 3:01 pm

It may be too late for this suggestion, but I recommend a case of the wine she really likes. Set aside (and store properly) three bottles as an engagement present for the child when he/she gets engaged. Then, you and your wife can open one of the other nine bottles on your wedding anniversaries. With five kids, this approach will keep your anniversaries going for the next 45 years (9x5), at which point you'll have to ask the forum for new suggestions.

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Re: My Wife is having our 5th child. What is an appropriately extravagant push gift?

Postby xrvision » Tue Jun 20, 2017 10:17 am

Meg77 wrote:You middle aged men may cringe at the term "push present," but as a wife of child-bearing age I can attest that this would be a welcome and meaningful gesture (one I have heard of others receiving). Helping out with the dishes and diapers while her body recovers from this massive physical and emotional trauma is what is known as a given, a basic expectation, and frankly a parental obligation - not a gift or special favor.


+1000

Thank you for articulating this so wonderfully. I'm surprised at the number of responses that say "help out with housework" or "get a house cleaning service"- that's your responsibility, not a favor/gift.

Congratulations to the OP! My sister's husband gave her a lovely necklace with a small dog tags engraved with each child's name. She wears it all the time.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/62107564/s ... e:62107564


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