You can never go "home" - retirement

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Pigeon
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Pigeon » Tue Apr 11, 2017 6:56 pm

It's not exactly moving back for retirement, but we moved out of our hometown for a couple decades and eventually moved back. It's been great and we think we'll retire here too.

tnr
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby tnr » Tue Apr 11, 2017 7:54 pm

Like others have said, if you are going back because you love the place, the lake and its surroundings, I think moving back would be ok.

I can't relate myself. I left my hometown in 1974; a year later Simon and Garfunkel had the hit "My Little Town" which described me perfectly. Absolutely no desire to move back now.

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joe8d
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby joe8d » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:10 pm

I never left.
All the Best, | Joe

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ClevrChico
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby ClevrChico » Tue Apr 11, 2017 10:20 pm

Great topic. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought about this. My wife and I have had this retirement plan. I wanted it to happen so bad, it was the dream of my weekly lottery ticket. It's a small town that is very vibrant. If was so far off, it seemed like a great plan, but now I've having doubts.

- I calculated the birth/death rate and realize the town will not be the town I lived in.
- My kids would have to attend college elsewhere and would most likely live away for jobs. If we stay put in the larger city, it's not much of a concern. I really hate the idea of seeing my adult kids once/year because I chose to retire in a small rural town.

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baw703916
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby baw703916 » Tue Apr 11, 2017 10:44 pm

To go home again, I'd have to afford a house in the Bay Area. :moneybag
Most of my posts assume no behavioral errors.

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HueyLD
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby HueyLD » Tue Apr 11, 2017 10:49 pm

Brad,

What's wrong with renting?

Ron
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Ron » Wed Apr 12, 2017 8:20 am

joe8d wrote:I never left.

That makes at least two of us (three, including my wife) 8-) ...

- Ron

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burt
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby burt » Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:15 pm

I recently retired and came back home after 40 years. Like the OP, back to the Great Lakes. It’s a small town and the population is about the same as 50 years ago. No crime, no traffic, no car jacking, no jugging, no home breakins, no drive by’s, no snakes.
The hospital where I was born is still there, although it is now a nursing home. My favorite pizza restaurant is now run by the 3rd generation.
I know my neighbors and they know me. Everyone knows when something is "out of place". Kid’s actually play outdoors, how novel. I can walk the dog anywhere because there are no “dangerous” parts of town.
Maybe not Norman Rockwell but pretty darn close. Yes, the winter can be tough but that is why we bought a comfortable home with good heat. By the way, housing is very affordable. Living higher in retirement than when working in the big city.

Yes, very happy to be back home.

burt

Frisco Kid
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Frisco Kid » Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:27 pm

Back in 92 bought from my parents the house I lived in while starting high school 24 years earlier. Fast forward to today and 25 years later we are still there.

Mr.BB
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Mr.BB » Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:08 pm

Unfortunately most of the places we grew up in are totally different now. Where I grew up, it was a good middle class area. I drive through the area every now and again and it is a completely different neighborhood. It's not so much the neighborhood (buildings), it's people you grew up with...and the memories you had with them. They have probably all moved on and out of the neighborhood.

Capsu78
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Capsu78 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:30 pm

I left my "old town" 2 weeks out of college and have not lived in the same time zone since. I try to get back as I still have doors I can knock on and friends will invite me to stay a few days and that part I like. However, what was once a small, middle class town now sprawls a bit more, has a heroin problem and frankly a more run down feel to it.
I last about 48 hours before I am ready to move along. Wife and now adult kids ask me "You really grew up here???"

SGM
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby SGM » Fri Apr 14, 2017 3:06 pm

It seems to work for DW. We will move into the home she lived in just prior to attending college in the next few years. The home she grew up in no longer exists and the hill it stood on no longer exists.

We have a vacation home on the water that is an hour and a half drive from my childhood home. We are selling that home for my elderly father in the next few months. He has moved into assisted living very close to our current home.

We have a few friends and relatives that live near my old homestead. We see them more often at the vacation house.

jlawrence01
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby jlawrence01 » Sat Apr 15, 2017 11:58 am

heyyou wrote:Paraphrasing Philip Sheridan, if I owned my home town and Hades, I would rent out the town and live in Hades.



And he was from Albany, NY.

=====================================

I moved from my hometown in 1982 during that recession to get a job and to "see the world." I would say that MOST of my friends stayed put.

If I were to move back, most of my friends and family have their own lives and their own interests. As I have realized over the past 35 years, my interests have changed over the years and I really don't have much in common with them Sure, when I reach my 50th class reunion, I will make an appearance for a few days.

The things that I thought were really cool when I was younger ... well, now that I have seen the world, I realized that they weren't all that great in the grand scheme of things.

My in-laws have wanted us to move back to their place for years. To do so would mean living on the farm, helping out on the farm, and providing constant care for many of the older relatives which is not how I want to spend retirement. And also, no internet.

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Pajamas
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Pajamas » Sat Apr 15, 2017 12:08 pm

jlawrence01 wrote: And also, no internet.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satellite_Internet_access

I had Dish brand satellite internet years ago and it worked fine except when there was a bad storm. It has probably improved over time.

BFive55
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby BFive55 » Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:40 am

"Home" isn't some place I haven't been in years. Maybe that's growing up in a military family, but I never understood the fascination or how people refer to some place they don't live as "home." Home is where I have my family, where I throw up my feet at night, and where I work.

Where my extended family lives is their home. Where I live is my home.

I get calling it a place "where I grew up" or "where I lived when I was X and Y" but not "home."

I don't know... I think if you've been gone for 30, 40, 50 years it's no longer "home" in the sense that it's changed and you're still going to be new there, even if a lot is the same.

gouldnm
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby gouldnm » Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:09 pm

I, too, grew up in a small town on one of the Great Lakes. It was beautiful, but extremely economically depressed. Most of the people I grew up with left and the handful who stayed tended to be the kinds of people with no ambition or curiosity about the outside world. I wouldn't mind going back to visit, but I have no desire to ever live there again.

On the other hand, I do miss the greater region and have plans to move to a larger city that's also on one of the Great Lakes, although a different one from were I grew up.

fasteddie911
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby fasteddie911 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:30 pm

Not retired, but we're about to start a family and are considering moving "home", which is where my spouse and I grew up and all our family still lives. We've lived across the country for the past decade, but reminisce about our great childhoods, the surroundings and activities we did growing up and there's certainly a strong pull for us to raise our children in that same environment. However, we realize that things have changed a lot, the culture has changed, people and businesses have moved in/out and it's just not quite the same. Add to that the professional and financial sacrifices we would have to make and we are torn.

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corwin
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby corwin » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:39 pm

I am 200 miles from where I grew up and visit there frequently to see family. No desire to return to live there. In my pre-retirement I want to move much further away. If I had grown up in one of the small resort towns on the Great Lakes I might feel differently.

sco
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby sco » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:34 pm

Nope...

I want to see different things...

I always have made sure that my kids have seen and experienced many other places, for better or for worse...

sco
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby sco » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:34 pm

Dup!!

Dave1442397
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Dave1442397 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:54 am

I grew up in Ireland, and while the grass is certainly greener, it's because it rains. A lot.

We go back to visit family every few years, and that's more than enough for me. I couldn't take that weather any more.

I doubt we'll stay in NJ either. I can think of better things to do with $1k/month than pay property taxes.

eldinerocheapo
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby eldinerocheapo » Fri Apr 21, 2017 5:37 am

My family moved to Fla almost 50 years ago from Va Beach. At first, I hated the idea of moving here and swore I'd move back when I was old enough. Fast forward to 2013 when my wife and I visited the old neighborhood and shot some video. It dawned on me that all the friends, family and neighbors that made the place so special, were gone and had rightfully moved on with their lives. I also realized we'd made a very good life for ourselves in sunny Fla, and had the majority of our relatives within an hour's drive of our home. I treasure the memories of the years my parents were alive and my brothers and I were young and innocent, but time and tide move on as they say.

Nothing stays the same, and you just have to figure out what's best for you and your family as your life's journey unfolds.

PlayingLife
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby PlayingLife » Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:18 am

My parents live on a beautiful piece of country property in the mountains...things aren't so good now and I don't expect them to be in the house for long. Every time I go there I stand on the deck, look at the mountains, and get upset about my "home" being gone someday....but this forum confirms, it's more the good old days I'm thinking of, with growing up in the home. The property is nice, but it's being young and in that house that I really miss. I would never be happy living on that street without my parents around.

Come on now, I come to bogleheads as a hobby and to distract me, what's with this thread! :happy :happy

angelescrest
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby angelescrest » Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:19 am

OP, follow your heart. You'll never know if it's right for you or not unless you explore the possibility.

Some parts of the country don't change all that much. And even if it does change, it doesn't mean you won't like it. All neighborhoods need folks who appreciate their town.

Valuethinker
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Valuethinker » Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:31 am

ribonucleic wrote:
PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.


Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.


Ahhhh

This is very very wise.

The one thing you cannot have back is the past.

Valuethinker
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Valuethinker » Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:36 am

Dave1442397 wrote:I grew up in Ireland, and while the grass is certainly greener, it's because it rains. A lot.


Perfect example of the Irish sense of humour ;-).


We go back to visit family every few years, and that's more than enough for me. I couldn't take that weather any more.

I doubt we'll stay in NJ either. I can think of better things to do with $1k/month than pay property taxes.


I lived in northeastern North America, and London, UK. I would say the weather in the former is far, far worse. Too hot and muggy in summer, snow and ice in winter (only those who have not experienced a North American winter can say "it sounds nice" without their teeth gritted ;-)).

London doesn't rain as much as people think ;-). And as I tell everyone "I am still waiting for the seasons to start" ;-). Although the long winter nights can be wearing.

There are nice places in New Jersey, I am sure (what I have seen is northern NJ-- one might stay there for family reasons, but it's hard to find it aesthetically pleasing, at least the parts I saw, and the traffic was brutal) but it is hard to imagine being attached the place. Princeton looked very nice (albeit expensive).

Castanea_d.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Castanea_d. » Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:53 am

This thread has been thought-provoking for me. My wife and I are still a few years from retirement, and have been talking about various forms of going "home."
- We don't want to stay where we are, for a variety of reasons.
- We own half of what was my grandfather's farm in the Appalachians. Stunningly beautiful place in the mountains, not far from the New River gorge. But moving there is not without its problems, some of which have come up in the thread. It is very, very isolated, for better and worse, and neither of us has lived for more than a year or two in deep-rural areas.
- We have considered my wife's home town, in Iowa. A very nice place for totally different reasons. But economically depressed, I suspect she would find it is not what it was forty-plus years ago when she grew up there, and it is considerably less attractive to me than it is to her (though I would be all right with it).

We will probably not go to either of these places. But the temptations are there.

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Frugal Al
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Frugal Al » Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:52 pm

The hometown of one's youth is not just a place, but rather a place and a time. One can no sooner go back to that than they can go back to being the person they were at that time. Some of us are fortunate that we have fond memories of our hometowns--many people don't. There may be good reason to move back to one's hometown, but expecting it to be like we remember it to be might be setting oneself up for disappointment.

Isabelle77
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby Isabelle77 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 5:40 pm

I grew up in a idyllic town outside of Toronto on Lake Ontario. My childhood home is now worth something outrageous like $3mil. So I won't be moving back. It's lovely but it is not where I grew up anymore.

texasdiver
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby texasdiver » Fri Apr 21, 2017 7:14 pm

Left my home town in Oregon, a medium sized timber and college town at age 18. This was the early 80s and many of my friends also left home due to the dire economy at the time. In the subsequent decades all my extended family has drifted away as well.

Of the people I still have contact with or hear about through social media (a pretty small sample) it is universally the case that those who got out are doing better professionally and economically than those who stayed. Without exception.

I pass through from time to time for the occasional football game but have absolutely no desire to ever return.

quantAndHold
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby quantAndHold » Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:40 am

stoptothink wrote:Left Southern California at 23 and have zero intentions of ever moving back. We visit at least twice a year, but can't even imagine living there full-time. Wife and I have discussed it several times as we often get recruiting interest from employers in California (especially her, tech sales) and it would probably take 5x our current household income (so, 7-figures/yr) to even consider it.

What's odd is that almost all of my friends never left. I have 6 friends (yes, 6) who now teach at my 3,000+ student high school, 2 more that teach at my junior high, and another that teaches at the elementary I attended. My best friend lives directly across the street from my high school and several others live within walking distance. My family, almost all of them have left California and would never move back.


This is my story exactly, except that I left the large city I grew up in to move TO Southern California when I was 23. All the people I grew up with are still there. Half a dozen are teaching at my high school, many of the others involved in local politics (one is now the governor, another is the mayor, a third is the District Attorney, etc), and nearly everyone I ever knew still lives in the same couple of zip codes. There is no way I would ever go back there. It's a lovely city, but I've moved on in my life and they...haven't. None of my family is there anymore. We all eventually migrated to California.

Southern California, however...I moved from Southern California to the Pacific Northwest a few years ago. Now I'm in the middle of moving back. I miss my friends, family, the easy life I had there. Being able to wear flip flops. Open windows. Walk the dog without rain gear. I'm OVER the rain. And I never thought I would find a place with worse traffic than Southern Cal...but I did.

msk
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby msk » Sat Apr 22, 2017 2:12 am

Aah. Home is where you feel at home, surrounded by close friends and family. Many of us form our closest friends in childhood, followed by college (probably geographically far away), followed by grad school, followed by during career moves. Friendships are often weaker as we age, and we lose our passions. Hence the desire to recapture our younger days. It's really space AND time. Unfortunately most of our childhood friends are no longer in the same socio-economic stratum and conversation peters out in 30 minutes :| Closer agglomeration with college buddies. I have been very lucky in the sense that I somehow ended up retiring at a place where more than a dozen childhood buddies happened to retire to after a lifetime of meanderings across the world; and we meet one morning a week :sharebeer I used to love the city with my grad school, but now when I go there I do not know anyone and I no longer "feel at home". Sad. But life moves on. I hope our younger generations keep in touch with the buddies they meet along life's pathways, be it on a beach in Thailand or a mountain top in Hawaii. It's so much easier in cyberspace these days. It would be a pity to retire to some corner of Spain and not know that you actually have a couple of old buddies residing just an hour's drive away. But home as geography often ends up as disappointing.

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burt
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby burt » Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:13 pm

What I have noticed during my working career of 40 years, is that many families move out of necessity (layoffs, plant closing, etc.) or career advancement (move or suffer). The adaptability of humans is amazing. Families will move to the worst s**holes (in country and out). They tell themselves it is only temporary… until their kids get married and have children of their own. The kids grew up in a s**hole and know nothing different. The parents are stuck, no moving back.

burt

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DonCamillo
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby DonCamillo » Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:29 pm

We are approaching our 50th wedding anniversary. We met when I was a soldier at Fort Hood and she was a school teacher in Killeen, Texas. Last week we were nearby, so we drove to Killeen. Nothing is like it was 50 years ago. The rather compact old town is now a city of 125,000 people that is very spread out. About half of the current city seems to be parking, and there are few sidewalks. About the only thing we saw that was unchanged was when we drove by the school where she taught. The temporary buildings she taught in were still there and still in use.

I think it is true that "you can't go back home again."
Les vieillards aiment à donner de bons préceptes, pour se consoler de n'être plus en état de donner de mauvais exemples. | (François, duc de La Rochefoucauld, maxim 93)

ExpatChris
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby ExpatChris » Sun Apr 23, 2017 9:02 am

Growing up in Germany as a single child, I was given the opportunity to study in the US from last year High School until College. I started in SoCal, but also lived in the Midwest and Grad school in Upstate NY. For my working career I returned to Europe working mainly in Switzerland, France, UK and Germany. I did return to my home town for a brief stint in my family business about 20 years ago. My family and most of my friends from growing up were still there, however, it was me that had changed. Some other posters have well explained about people who never having left their comfort zone of where they grow up.

So when my wife (also single child) and I were able to retire early we never considered moving back to our home towns despite family and friends. After spending extensive time (18 months) traveling the Canarian Islands, Australia and South Africa, we ended up in Central America and have been living here with our children for the last 11 years already.

Before moving we did not know anybody. We liked the peaceful and warm mentality of the people with Latino roots, the laid back life style, the warm climate year round and the low cost of living, which helps when you get to an age, where you need assistance and do not want to be a burden to your children.

ExpatChris
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Postby ExpatChris » Sun Apr 23, 2017 11:50 pm

ExpatChris wrote:Growing up in Germany as a single child, I was given the opportunity to study in the US from last year High School until College. I started in SoCal, but also lived in the Midwest and Grad school in Upstate NY. For my working career I returned to Europe working mainly in Switzerland, France, UK and Germany. I did return to my home town for a brief stint in my family business about 20 years ago. My family and most of my friends from growing up were still there, however, it was me that had changed. Some other posters have well explained about people who never having left their comfort zone of where they grow up.

So when my wife (also single child) and I were able to retire early we never considered moving back to our home towns despite family and friends. After spending extensive time (18 months) traveling the Canarian Islands, Australia and South Africa, we ended up in Central America and have been living here with our children for the last 11 years already.

Before moving we did not know anybody. We liked the peaceful and warm mentality of the people with Latino roots, the laid back life style, the warm climate year round and the low cost of living, which helps when you get to an age, where you need assistance and do not want to be a burden to your children.


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