Watching Oscars with kids

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atlanta_dad
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Watching Oscars with kids

Post by atlanta_dad » Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:46 pm

I did not want to watch the Oscars with my family expecting that the language will not be appropriate for my 11 year old daughter. But she insisted to watch saying that everyone in the school tomorrow would be talking about it and she would be left out if she didn't watch. So we had watched for hour and half. As expected, the language was inappropriate for a little portion of it and decided not to watch next time onwards.
Just curious, do people on the forum watch Oscars with kids?

Thanks in advance.

bhtomj
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by bhtomj » Sun Feb 28, 2016 10:58 pm

We have been watching with our two 10 year old children. And as with many television shows now days there is much that they do not understand or "should not be repeating". At least in CA the show will be over by their bedtime.

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Riprap
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by Riprap » Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:01 pm

If your 11 year old attends public school, the language on the Oscars is likely mild by comparison. Sheltering kids that age seems kind of pointless to me provided you take the time to teach them right from wrong.

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TXJuice
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by TXJuice » Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:30 pm

Riprap wrote:If your 11 year old attends public school, the language on the Oscars is likely mild by comparison.
Fixed it.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by sco » Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:56 pm

Do you mean that 20k a year I pay for my 5th grader doesn't ensure a profanity free environment???

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by Dimitri » Mon Feb 29, 2016 12:24 am

No insult intended, but if you want profanity-free I recommend The Andy Griffith Show http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053479/. That said, I only watched the last five minutes of the Oscars to see if I won my bet with my admin (I did... although as usual I won't collect on it out of courtesy although I do pay every time I lose).
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by aasantha » Mon Feb 29, 2016 4:25 am

Anyway i was so happy for Leo, finally won an oscar...

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nisiprius
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by nisiprius » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:17 am

(Shrug) Kids hear stuff. Kids see stuff. I might have been seven years old the time that my dad was talking to a mechanic in a sort of office in a garage about a car, and I was just staring and staring and staring at a calendar he had posted. This was the 1950s and we are talking seminude pinup. But this was not a classical statue in marble, we are talking something that was intended to be sexual. I didn't say a thing about it, of course. Did my dad even notice I was staring at it? Maybe he didn't. Or quite possibly he did but had no idea what to say--he could hardly say "are you wondering why the lady looks that way and why she is smiling that way?" If kids are not thinking about that stuff you don't want to be the one with the dirty mind telling them the dirty stuff!

My daughter was about seven when she asked us the meaning of a seven-letter word starting with "a." She'd heard someone using it and wanted to know what it meant.

I think I was about seven when I went to day camp, and an older kid offered to pay me a quarter to go to a counselor he didn't like, and say "Dave, you are an... " and spelled a four-letter word beginning with "s." I asked what the word meant. He said "It's nothing bad, I swear to God." I didn't do it, because it sounded suspicious to me, so there's no dramatic story. But that's the moment in my life when I learned that word. (I didn't learn what it meant until later!)

The big advantage to watching the Academy Awards with your 11-year-old kid is that you were there. You had a chance to say, and probably did say before the show, that you didn't think the language would be appropriate. You probably reacted to the language. She probably sensed your reaction. Maybe you even said something ("Ugh, that's completely inappropriate, that's why I didn't want you to watch this.")

It's just part of growing up, and the more you can communicate with your kid--and just being in front of the same TV hearing the same stuff at the same time and cuing in on nonverbal reactions--the better.
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by BogleMe » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:20 am

It is tough to get through any sitcom without sexual innuendo and profanity. It is an indictment on the lack of imagination of our age.
Last edited by BogleMe on Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by supersharpie » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:21 am

atlanta_dad wrote:I did not want to watch the Oscars with my family expecting that the language will not be appropriate for my 11 year old daughter. But she insisted to watch saying that everyone in the school tomorrow would be talking about it and she would be left out if she didn't watch. So we had watched for hour and half. As expected, the language was inappropriate for a little portion of it and decided not to watch next time onwards.
Just curious, do people on the forum watch Oscars with kids?

Thanks in advance.
Trust me, your daughter knows any words permitted for broadcast by the FCC, and then some. Do you remember being 11?

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by BTDT » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:23 am

Do the 11 year old children have unsupervised access to the internet? If so, I suspect some of them may know more about 'life' than you did at 16-20 :oops:
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Toons
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by Toons » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:25 am

Can't shield them from everything.
Kinda late to be up for Oscars on school night. :happy
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Riprap
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by Riprap » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:09 am

Purely anecdotal, but the kids from my childhood and the kids my children grew up with who were overly protected and shielded tended to have problems adjusting later in their lives when the parents had little or no control.
nisiprius wrote:(Shrug) Kids hear stuff. Kids see stuff. I might have been seven years old the time that my dad was talking to a mechanic in a sort of office in a garage about a car, and I was just staring and staring and staring at a calendar he had posted. This was the 1950s and we are talking seminude pinup. But this was not a classical statue in marble, we are talking something that was intended to be sexual
I can almost see a Norman Rockwell type scene. I have similar memories from my childhood. All the mysteries from those pinups were resolved at school with the other boys.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by arcticpineapplecorp. » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:42 am

atlanta_dad wrote:I did not want to watch the Oscars with my family expecting that the language will not be appropriate for my 11 year old daughter. But she insisted to watch saying that everyone in the school tomorrow would be talking about it and she would be left out if she didn't watch. So we had watched for hour and half. As expected, the language was inappropriate for a little portion of it and decided not to watch next time onwards.
Just curious, do people on the forum watch Oscars with kids?

Thanks in advance.
The line in red above caught my eye. I immediately had two thoughts:
1. Whenever I wanted to do whatever my friends wanted to do that wasn't in my best interest, my parents would say, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"
2. I believe the pressure (and yes I do believe there is pressure on not only youth but adults too) to feel included pushes them to consume things (media, technology products, etc) that aren't always in their best interest (emotionally or financially). I believe this is a form of keeping up with the Jones which deals with feelings of inferiority.

Your post demonstrates that you had an intuition (gut feeling) that turned out to be right. You seem to have good judgement when it comes to what's right for your child, better judgement than she did. Follow your judgements next time.

In addition, instead of just saying "no" to your daughter because of the language, you could have used her not wanting to feel "left out" to discuss what that would mean exactly and the downside of doing whatever it takes to not feel "left out". So she can't talk about the Oscars with her friend the next day, but she can't talk about other things? I mean, really. Kids are talking about the Oscars all day long and nothing else? My gosh, I'd have nothing at all to contribute to a conversation for an entire day. I'm being facetious of course. She could learn the art of conversation which sometimes involves steering the conversation to another topic, especially when the one being discussed is so banal (my judgement of course). Tomorrow, they'll all be talking about something else anyway.

Maybe you can ask your daughter why stars get awards but not plumbers, car mechanics, etc. Do stars provide a more valuable service than other occupations? You get the idea...lots of conversation starters to get her thinking there's a whole world out there that doesn't involve self-indulgent congratulatory love-fests and the people who follow them.
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DaftInvestor
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by DaftInvestor » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:49 am

If it were something really inappropriate I would have drawn the line and stated "I don't care what your friends watch - I don't feel that is appropriate for you at your age". But we aren't talking about a violent or raunchy movie here. As far as something you have mixed feelings on - as you obviously did here since you let her watch - its best that they are exposed to such things WITH YOU were you can comment on appropriateness and your feelings on things rather than them being exposed WITHOUT you when you won't be able to comment or discuss such content with them.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by barnaclebob » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:51 am

I can't imagine anything on the Oscars being too terrible for an 11 year old. Its not like shes asking to watch Game of Thrones because all of her friends do.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by r198t » Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:32 am

I watched with my daughter (she's 16) and we have watched it in the past. I'm not too worried about specific words as I am context. I mean, I'm sure the f-bomb is a part of her everyday life in school. My job isn't to shield her from it but to explain to her that people who routinely use it sound ignorant. Context is something totally different. As an example, and I'm not getting political, the news has been replete with stories of one part of our population being mistreated by a specific organized group in our society. It's important for me to provide context for her so she doesn't think murder is around every corner. I think that is what my job is, at least part of it.

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bottlecap
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by bottlecap » Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:52 am

I hope that by the time that they're that old, my daughters will either have learned that 1) the Oscars and everything associated with it is worthless or 2) that their parents would never in a million years allow the Oscars to be on the family TV. If nothing else was available, we'd rather save the electricity.

That said, I agree that at 11, you can't shield them from everything. But you can say "no." Because everyone else is watching (or doing, or wearing) something never flew with my parents. Perhaps let her read about it on CNN the next morning before school. None of the other kids will know the difference....

I certainly won't be surprised if my wife and I are in for a lot uphill battles over the next 18 years or so. But we're pretty stubborn.

Good luck,

JT

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greg24
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by greg24 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:56 am

Nowadays, every televised sporting event has a minimum of 200 erectile dysfunction commercials, so I've given up shielding my kids gentle little ears.

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TheGreyingDuke
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by TheGreyingDuke » Mon Feb 29, 2016 11:20 am

It was a much earlier era...

When I was about 14 I went with my favorite girl to see "Breakfast at Tiffany's"; when I got home that night my mother asked what I had seen (she knew I was going to the movies) and when I told her she blanched, "I wish you hadn't gone to see that". I was puzzled as there was nothing portrayed that was news or shocking to me.

Upon reflection, this was in the era of what would become known as "free range kids". I was getting myself around the NY-metro area unaccompanied from the age of 13, rode the subways, took trains into town and the like. Today parents can get into trouble with protective services for such "permissiveness".

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by PowDay » Mon Feb 29, 2016 11:30 am

I didn't watch, but everything in the news the next day has focused on

- Chris Rock talking about racism in Hollywood
- Lady Gaga singing with victims of sexual assault

Both difficult but important topics to have conversations about with kids.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by TheRightKost87 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 11:35 am

I'd be interested in how the conversations between 11 years olds regarding the Oscars would go. The majority of the movies that are nominated and win awards are PG-13 and R rated movies, which at least according to the ratings, shouldn't have been viewed by 11 year olds in the first place. So will they be talking about the merits of a bunch of movies that they never watched?

Back to the main point of the thread though, I don't think there's much content in the Oscars that is any worse than what kids already are exposed to in other forms of entertainment and their peers in school anyways.
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by nisiprius » Mon Feb 29, 2016 12:31 pm

TheGreyingDuke wrote:It was a much earlier era...

When I was about 14 I went with my favorite girl to see "Breakfast at Tiffany's"; when I got home that night my mother asked what I had seen (she knew I was going to the movies) and when I told her she blanched, "I wish you hadn't gone to see that". I was puzzled as there was nothing portrayed that was news or shocking to me...
Doubtless her concern was Andy Rooney's very funny very racist portrayal of Mr. Yunioshi. :)

Actually I wonder if she had read the book rather than seeing the movie. Even in the book it is not 100% explicit, but it is pretty clear that Holly Golightly has many "lovers..." she gives a total at one point, is it eleven? Yes:
Really, though, I toted up the other night, and I’ve only had eleven lovers not counting anything that happened before I was thirteen because, after all, that just doesn’t count. Eleven. Does that make me a whore?
And it is fairly clear there are cash transactions involved between her and her "lovers:"
you can do as well as that on trips to the powder room: any gent with the slightest chic will give you fifty for the girl’s john, and I always ask for cab fare too, that’s another fifty.
If that isn't clear enough, Capote himself said in an interview:
Holly Golightly was not precisely a callgirl. She had no job, but accompanied expense-account men to the best restaurants and night clubs, with the understanding that her escort was obligated to give her some sort of gift, perhaps jewelry or a check … if she felt like it, she might take her escort home for the night.
The movie is far, far, far less clear, and the way Audrey Hepburn plays the role is probably not the way Marilyn Monroe--the actress Capote wanted for the part--would have played it. It is pretty easy to watch the movie and not be aware that it implies sex, cash, and an understood quid pro quo.
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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by MarkBarb » Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:45 pm

I'd go with the option of watching it and using it as a teaching moment. When people use profanity, use it as a time to explain why you don't (or do) use those words and how using those words impacts people's opinions of you.

I'd also use it as a time management tool. She her how much time she wasted watching the incredibly boring awards show compared with the minute she could have spent looking up the winners the next day. Of course, I tell my wife that every year and she still DVRs for reasons that totally escape me.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by likegarden » Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:48 pm

It is funny when we receive a letter from his school that our kid used bad words in school, and we write back that we do not use these words at home, and he must have learned them in school.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by HomerJ » Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:49 pm

arcticpineapplecorp. wrote:my parents would say, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"
The correct smart-aleck response to this is "Of course! My friends aren't morons... If they are jumping off a bridge, there must be a gasoline truck skidding out of control right behind me, so I better jump right now too!"

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by FullYellowJacket » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:04 pm

PowDay wrote:I didn't watch, but everything in the news the next day has focused on

- Chris Rock talking about racism in Hollywood
- Lady Gaga singing with victims of sexual assault

Both difficult but important topics to have conversations about with kids.
I concur. There were many pertinent topics that could have been used as teaching opportunities or at least opportunities to put things into context for your children. Anyways, the most objectionable language generally occurs during the opening monologue of the host, so if you miss the first 15 minutes you are likely in the clear.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by an_asker » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:08 pm

atlanta_dad wrote:I did not want to watch the Oscars with my family expecting that the language will not be appropriate for my 11 year old daughter. But she insisted to watch saying that everyone in the school tomorrow would be talking about it and she would be left out if she didn't watch. So we had watched for hour and half. As expected, the language was inappropriate for a little portion of it and decided not to watch next time onwards.
Just curious, do people on the forum watch Oscars with kids?

Thanks in advance.
Against my better judgment, I let mine watch, but I had to step in and turn off the TV when this actress went off on a monologue (forgot who it was, but as you watched, I am sure you know who I am talking about) - was that supposed to be something funny?!! :oops:

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by dm200 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:15 pm

No small children any more -

I don't watch it because (in my opinion) it is a lot of nonsense.

I can see any parts of something I might like - online later, and I do like seeing all the "creatively" attired young and beautiful women. I hardly think, though, that these "artificial" women (cosmetic surgery, makeup, EXPENSIVE wardrobe) are anything I would want (if I had any) my daughters to aspire to.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by dm200 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:20 pm

greg24 wrote:Nowadays, every televised sporting event has a minimum of 200 erectile dysfunction commercials, so I've given up shielding my kids gentle little ears.
Other shows as well, PLUS many, many other prescription drugs for almost any and every alleged condition. I find it "interesting" that there is heavy advertising for Xarelto - as well as other ads from law firms advertising to sure the manufacturer for adverse affects of Xarelto.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by an_asker » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:21 pm

greg24 wrote:Nowadays, every televised sporting event has a minimum of 200 erectile dysfunction commercials, so I've given up shielding my kids gentle little ears.
Forget sporting events. I dare you to sit through ABC for the hour starting with the World News and leading into Jeopardy.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by jackholloway » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:30 pm

nisiprius wrote: It's just part of growing up, and the more you can communicate with your kid--and just being in front of the same TV hearing the same stuff at the same time and cuing in on nonverbal reactions--the better.
That is part of why my 11 year old and I are watching Shanarra Chronicles. It has some heavy topics, and at least we can discuss the male gaze, the choices of who is shirtless and when, how they are selling the show, which characters have agency, etc.

I would have been happy to watch the Oscars with her, but we were out at live theater, and the cast party afterwards. Both Lady Gaga and Chris Rock would have been teachable moments. The language, she has heard, and taboo topics need to be surfaced, or she will make something up based on what the other 11 year olds say.

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by atlanta_dad » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:31 pm

an_asker wrote: Against my better judgment, I let mine watch, but I had to step in and turn off the TV when this actress went off on a monologue (forgot who it was, but as you watched, I am sure you know who I am talking about) - was that supposed to be something funny?!! :oops:
That's the exact lady my complaint is about,

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by prudent » Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:36 pm

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Re: Watching Oscars with kids

Post by LadyGeek » Mon Feb 29, 2016 4:42 pm

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