Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

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AndroAsc
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Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by AndroAsc » Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:17 pm

I was thinking of treating my folks to a vacation in the Caribbean later this year. It's just going to be the 3 of us, me and my folks.

As a frugal Boglehead, if I go with them on this vacation, that means I'll have to get my own room. That also doubles the cost, since I am paying for the entire trip. I have looked into suites, where there are separate bedrooms, but those are almost 2X more expensive than the normal rooms. I suppose these Caribbean hotels are large enough that I can sleep in on the couch or a rolling bed in the living room, in a studio suite, which is the typical layout of a standard room.

But I just find the whole idea of sharing a room with my folks so damn weird since I have my own room since... forever. I'm in my 20s to 30s, if that helps. Should I just get my own room, or should I go for the cost saving approach?

For those who frequently vacation with an odd number of people, what do you do? Cram everyone into a single room, or book 2 rooms?

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by jjface » Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:24 pm

Some things are worth spending money on!

sawhorse
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by sawhorse » Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:28 pm

This is something only you can answer. It depends on things unique to your family and your relationship with your parents.

In my family, we're used to sharing rooms not just with parents but also with extended family. That's my family though.

Based on what you've written, I'd hesitate since you said that it feels weird to you. I wouldn't want to feel that way on vacation.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by PaddyMac » Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:47 pm

I think you'd enjoy having your own room. And maybe your parents don't want you in the room either!

Methinks if you can't afford to pay for two rooms, maybe you shouldn't be splurging quite so much right now?!

Or, if you think your folks would chip in, why not show them the catalogs and let them decide on their own that they might cover some costs etc.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by DSInvestor » Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:55 pm

I recently went on a road trip with my wife, her mother and our dog driving through BC to the Yukon. If we stayed at a hotel/motel, we all stayed in one room. We'd book rooms with two double beds. This worked for us. Ask your parents what they think.
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by island » Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:31 am

Sleeping in the same room would be a no go for me.
If just the thought of it is awkward, get your own room or at least a i bedroom suite where you can sleep on a pullout sofa in a different room. If you want to treat your parents to this trip, treat them to some privacy of their own!

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by southbay » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:04 am

island wrote:Sleeping in the same room would be a no go for me.
If just the thought of it is awkward, get your own room or at least a i bedroom suite where you can sleep on a pullout sofa in a different room. If you want to treat your parents to this trip, treat them to some privacy of their own!
I agree. You should get 2 separate rooms. If anything, I'd opt for a less expensive hotel where you could afford 2 rooms.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by 2comma » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:13 am

If your parents are ok with it I don't see why not. You can spend some of that money saved on an extra room on some fun.
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by HIinvestor » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:41 am

It seems totally up to you. We vacation with our two kids who are in their mid/late 20s from time to time, most recently this past June. We asked them about whether they want to share a room or have their own room and they seemed very puzzled about why anyone should waste money on an extra room, so we went with one room and got an extra rollaway bed (that was so awful no one used it--stuck with the two beds instead). So far when vacationing with our young adults, they have always opted to share a room with us, but YMMV, depending on your relationship with your folks and perhaps whether you may wish to entertain some new friends on your vacation in your room.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by JDDS » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:46 am

A couple years ago I went on vacation with my dad and step mom. We had a suite where I slept on the pull out sofa. That was fine by me. I think if that was not okay then I would need to think about doing the trip. It's honestly up to you. I get it though, it was a little awkward, but only for a few days.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by curmudgeon » Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:29 am

I think this mostly ties to specific family habits. It's normal for some families, and weird to others.

You might see if you can find a 1-BR condo as an option. Being able to fix a few light meals might make up for the extra cost.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by anonforbogleheads » Sun Nov 01, 2015 4:17 am

If money is an issue just send the two of them on the trip

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by PaunchyPirate » Sun Nov 01, 2015 7:10 am

It's all a matter of family relationships and how comfortable you are with each other. I spent a week with my parents (me in my mid-40s, they in their 70s) in a small, balcony cabin on a cruise ship in Europe. While I could have afforded 2 cabins for us, it wasn't necessary as we are very comfortable around each other and we viewed the cabin only as a place to sleep. We didn't spend much time there other than sleeping and getting ready to leave.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by tim1999 » Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:42 am

For anyone other than a minor or a disabled person I think this is incredibly weird and cheap.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by LiveSimple » Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:47 am

You do not even feel comfortable, so do not do it.
Also if your folks want some private moments during the vacation, let them have it.
So, get your own room !

Unless your folks, appreciate your time with them, then stay with them.

Only you can decide, based on the clues !

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by livesoft » Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:51 am

Yet another weird thread.

Would it be weird if you, your spouse, and your college-age children all stayed in the same hotel room?

Would it be weird if you and your college-age daughter stayed in the same hotel room in Hawaii? (I can answer that: Yes, it is weird when your daughter doesn't actually sleep in the hotel room, but appears to sleep somewhere else.)
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Miakis
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Miakis » Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:55 am

I think so. I had the hardest time trying to convey this to my mother, though. On a recent family vacation, she wanted me to share a room with her and my stepfather. Even after I said I'd pay for an extra room, she couldn't understand why I didn't want to share with them!

A suite isn't weird. I also wouldn't consider it weird to share a two-bed room with only my mother (same sex parent). I did end up sharing my two-bed room with my brother, which turned into a bit of a giggly slumber party, but wasn't too weird.

But I'm of the opinion that couples should have privacy. When I'm with my husband, I don't want extra people in the room with us, and when I'm a single, I don't want to be in the room with a couple. There should at least be a door between you and your parents.

But as others have mentioned - it's really a personal preference. I don't raise an eyebrow and think people are giant weirdos if they share rooms with their parents on vacation.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by BV3273 » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:10 am

Get your own room. Most likely your parents will be picking up the tab for most of the other parts of the trip.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by tibbitts » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:40 am

It's a personal decision only you can make. Don't be surprised if it seems ok when you're a child, awkward for a while, then ok again when you're much older. Also it depends on how much money you're talking about - if it's the $39 motel6 for 3 nights, maybe splurge on separate rooms. And there can be overriding factors, like snoring, that might make separate rooms essential - even if you were traveling only with your spouse.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by quietseas » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:47 am

How much is the cost of the extra room? Big difference on whether its $100/night or $1,000/night.

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praxis
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by praxis » Sun Nov 01, 2015 11:05 am

It depends.
No two people have identical shyness/privacy levels. I bet it changes over a person's lifetime, too.
For 20 years when I was growing up, 8 people weekended together often in a lake cabin with one large room and one bathroom.
Now, our mountain cabin has 5 bathrooms because our partners and visitors often prefer it that way.
It looks like people are becoming more sensitive as time goes by.
My parents weren't shy around us and we weren't around our kids.

For a family wedding next month, DW invited our daughter-in-law to overnight in our hotel room after the reception and she immediately said 'great!". Our son will be overseas, DIL lives an hour away from the reception venue and our hotel is across the street. If privacy is called for, I'm sure I can retire to the lobby and watch TV for a bit. I hope she doesn't snore too loudly.

I think the 2 biggest issues would be using the bathroom and changing clothes.
It's not hard to take turns in the bathroom and carry your change of clothes in there to change, if you're shy or discreet.

It's not fair to criticize a person's sensitivity to this.

If one doesn't have much experience in large families, summer camps, tent camping, RV trips or boat cruising, they haven't had to deal with "open living" enough to be comfortable. I think you can answer this for yourself. There is a line between the extra cost and the willingness to overcome some shyness. Only you know where that point is for you today.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Leemiller » Sun Nov 01, 2015 11:20 am

I've been surprised by hotel rooms in resort areas with glass paneled showers - so you can watch whoever is taking a shower from the hotel room and also ones with very flimsy bathroom doors. I'd downsize and go for two rooms. It might be good for everyone to have some alone time to unwind. Some people just want to sleep, others watch tv, etc.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Epsilon Delta » Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:22 pm

It may also depend on what you are doing on vacation. How much time will you be hanging around the hotel room?

I've shared a hotel room with various numbers of people of various genders and degrees of acquaintance (ranging from just met to family) on active vacations and when traveling. The room is essentially used for sleeping (and maybe a quick shower). I'm less happy sharing if the trip involves hanging around the hotel room while awake. On the other hand if a purpose of the vacation is to hang out with your parents a shared room could be a good thing.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:39 pm

AndroAsc wrote:I was thinking of treating my folks to a vacation in the Caribbean later this year. It's just going to be the 3 of us, me and my folks.
I would not do this without separate rooms. If I were on the "receiving end," I would not consider sharing a room to be a treat.

For spur of the moment trips to family functions, etc, I would be far more comfortable sharing.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by SRenaeP » Mon Nov 02, 2015 8:52 am

Doom&Gloom wrote:
AndroAsc wrote:I was thinking of treating my folks to a vacation in the Caribbean later this year. It's just going to be the 3 of us, me and my folks.
I would not do this without separate rooms. If I were on the "receiving end," I would not consider sharing a room to be a treat.

For spur of the moment trips to family functions, etc, I would be far more comfortable sharing.
+1

I think it's weird. I wouldn't do it on vacation but have shared a room with my dad when it was just one night and didn't really make sense to get two rooms. I think it gets more weird when it's a couple vs just one opposite sex family member.

-Steph

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by willie838 » Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:55 am

get your own room so you don't have to hang a sock on the doorknob like a freshman in college in case something goes down.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Hikes_With_Dogs » Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:42 am

jjface wrote:Some things are worth spending money on!
THIS. It's not a vacation if I have to listen to someone else's snoring.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Crow Hunter » Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:06 pm

I don't think it is weird at all, but it really depends on the family I think.

We always shared a room with my parents on vacation. Both when younger and even after getting married.

Heck, sometimes it was my parents, my wife or girlfriend, my brother and sometimes a friend of his (a brother by another mother) all in the same room. :shock: We always brought in air mattresses for whoever didn't want to share a bed. In my teen years, that was my girlfriend per my Mother's request. Once I (and my girlfriends) were over 18, it was usually my brother, who absolutely hates to share a bed with me, that took the air mattress. He claims I beat him up in my sleep. :D

It wasn't so much about saving money as it was about being part of the experience. Six people with one bathroom is definitely an experience in learning how to share. But we took lots and lots of family vacations over the years and it was just normal for us.

Those are some of my fondest memories and now that both of my parents are gone, I would give anything to do it again. :(

Now here recently we spent the night with my wife's parents in a hotel and next time we will be getting separate rooms. My wife even commented on the fact that it was a completely different experience with the different groups of parents. Even though it was her parents. The biggest difference is my in-laws can't go for more than 30 min without arguing about something.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Watty » Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:48 pm

curmudgeon wrote:I think this mostly ties to specific family habits. It's normal for some families, and weird to others.

You might see if you can find a 1-BR condo as an option. Being able to fix a few light meals might make up for the extra cost.
+1 on the condo.

If you are concerned about things being a bit awkward with your parents then also check to see it the place you are going has topless beaches which could be a bit awkward for some people.

Be sure to call the hotels directly when you are looking for a room. If it is not a busy time of year they may be able to make you a very good deal on two rooms that would not be on their web site. As I recall there is often a week or two in December between Thanksgiving and Christmas which it not very busy in some resorts areas.

You might also consider taking them to Mexico in the Mayan Riviera which is just south of Cancun since it would be less expensive and the Mayan ruins are very impressive. From many cities you can also get a direct flight into Cancun which might save you the better part of day of travel time and have less chance of you missing a flight because of bad weather in December.

(Hint: you can hire a taxi for the day to take you to the ruins, on your schedule, for a very reasonable price and it would be a lot better experience than a tour bus.)

A cruise would also be an option that they might enjoy and you can sometimes get good last minute deals on Vacations To Go (I have used them)

http://www.vacationstogo.com/

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by hnzw rui » Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:05 pm

Hikes_With_Dogs wrote:
jjface wrote:Some things are worth spending money on!
THIS. It's not a vacation if I have to listen to someone else's snoring.
+1. We get either 2-bedroom suite/condo or separate hotel rooms when traveling with dad. Mom's snoring isn't so bad as long as we're not sharing a bed.

More than the room, sharing just one bathroom with so many people is the bigger hardship particularly when we're all getting ready in the morning.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by an_asker » Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:07 pm

I think the answer to this varies from family to family, from culture to culture. I would suggest that OP talks with his/her parents and reach a conclusion that is agreeable to all three of them.

ThisTimeItsDifferent
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by ThisTimeItsDifferent » Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:09 pm

(Depending on ages) do you want to increase or reduce the chances of additional potential heirs of your parents to be created who would share in their estate and reduce your share?

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by anonforthis » Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:09 pm

No, they are your parents.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:25 pm

Where do you plan to go? My parents owned about a dozen weeks at Costa Linda in Aruba and the end units are all very large suites with an outdoor patio, grill and hot tub. They list them as 3 bedroom suites and including the outdoor area, are 3000 square feet. My family has stayed there many times with my parents and with our kids and sometimes my sister and a friend would also come. Not at all wierd but the living area is bigger than my house. It isn't cheap.
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Sheepdog » Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:41 pm

Last year, my wife and I took our son on an 11 day western Caribbean cruise. (He's a bachelor.) There is no way we would want to share the same stateroom with him. (We picked a fancier stateroom for us by the way.) If nothing else, sharing the stateroom head is too much for 3 people. Besides, he needed to do his own thing on board whenever he wanted and not disturb us coming and going, or vice versa.

We usually ate together, but occasionally not. We shared some excursions, but not all. We have our own interests. It was a great trip for all of us.
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by tennisplyr » Mon Nov 02, 2015 5:33 pm

We travelled a lot with my daughter in her 20s. Most recently we took her to Italy in her late 20s. We have always been close and enjoy being around each other.
Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Rodc » Mon Nov 02, 2015 6:37 pm

I don't think it is particularly weird. But I think it is entirely personal.

I'm more concerned that there is enough room that everyone is not tripping over each other.

Wife and I often travel with two full sized teen sons and many rooms are just too small for comfort. If we can we get a suite. Would not worry about traveling with them in a suite or even a room if that was all we could get (or afford) once they are adults.

Never traveled with my mom due to her health problems but did travel a number of times with my dad. Sharing a room was pretty dandy compared to a two person backpacking tent when we went backpacking (into his 70s). :)

To each his own.
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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by likegarden » Mon Nov 02, 2015 6:53 pm

Even older parents sometimes have romantic thoughts, and then there is that 30 year old kid in their vacation room. Yak! ...
Last edited by likegarden on Mon Nov 02, 2015 6:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by SrGrumpy » Mon Nov 02, 2015 6:54 pm

Don´t punish your parents. And get separate bathrooms, too.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by jane1 » Mon Nov 02, 2015 7:02 pm

It depends on your relationship to them.

Some things to consider (You don't need to provide the answers here):
When did you last take a trip with them? Did you share a room when you went on trips with them as a teenager, college-going, later?
Will you be staying in the same place for the entire trip? Else you can do occasional private nights.
Do you live in the same city and see them regularly?
Is spending time with them one of the main motivations of the trip? Or is it to give them a very special treat.
Will the hotel room be just a place to sleep and you will be outside exploring most of the day? Or will the hotel/resort be the focus?

Why not just ask them?

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by J295 » Mon Nov 02, 2015 7:15 pm

Two rooms for a variety of reasons. Everyone will have a much better overall experience.
Very kind of you to make this happen.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by kazper » Mon Nov 02, 2015 8:58 pm

Hikes_With_Dogs wrote:
jjface wrote:Some things are worth spending money on!
THIS. It's not a vacation if I have to listen to someone else's snoring.
+1.

My father snores REALLY loudly. I stayed with them In many hotel rooms in my teens. It lead to many sleepless nights.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Crimsontide » Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:18 pm

Yep, this would get weird very quickly. Splurge on another room for yourself or get a condo...

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Rodc » Tue Nov 03, 2015 6:28 am

anonforthis wrote:No, they are your parents.
I find this to be an interesting answer.

It implies that it would be ok to share a room with some other much older adults, but somehow you have to be more private around your parents (and they around you) than some other mixed group.

If you can't share with your parents, who raised you, how to you share with others?
We live a world with knowledge of the future markets has less than one significant figure. And people will still and always demand answers to three significant digits.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Rodc » Tue Nov 03, 2015 6:30 am

Agree with others that I would not want to share with someone who snores like crazy, or a couple that argues continuously, but that has nothing to do with sharing a room with parents in a general sense. I don't care who they are, I don't want to share a room with such people.
We live a world with knowledge of the future markets has less than one significant figure. And people will still and always demand answers to three significant digits.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by tibbitts » Tue Nov 03, 2015 8:59 am

Nobody has pointed it out, but parents may not be sleeping in the same room already at home, due to snoring, etc. So you might be on the hook for three rooms.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by takeshi » Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:11 am

AndroAsc wrote:Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?
Depends on you and your parents. I wouldn't share a room with anyone other than my wife. YMMV. I don't know you and your parents. Maybe you have a relationship where it wouldn't be weird. That doesn't seem to be the case from the context of your OP but you have to make that call.
AndroAsc wrote:Should I just get my own room, or should I go for the cost saving approach?
What's more important to you? How would your parents feel about sharing a room with you? You know them better than we do.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by JeffAL » Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:36 am

It is not a vacation if you can't relax. Base your decision on that.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by Jonathan » Tue Nov 03, 2015 11:23 am

AndroAsc wrote:But I just find the whole idea of sharing a room with my folks so damn weird
Sounds like you (and me, and most of the posters in this thread, and probably your parents too) were raised in a culture where this is considered weird. In some cultures, the opposite would be weird; getting separate rooms would be a huge insult to your parents, and would ruin the entire vacation.

Years ago, a friend took me out to an expensive birthday dinner. As he was paying the bill, he said: "How about you pay the tip?"

"Of course!" I said, and I cheerfully left a generous tip. After all, he had just spent hundreds of dollars to celebrate my special day!

Secretly, I was insulted and thought of him as cheap.

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Re: Vacation with Parents, Is it Weird to Share a Room?

Post by ivyhedge » Tue Nov 03, 2015 11:59 am

Cherokee8215 wrote:For anyone other than a minor or a disabled person I think this is incredibly weird and cheap.
"Incredibly weird"? Consider that, for some cultures, it might be a non-starter to *not* share a room (with my in laws, it would be).

We can do without name calling and labeling on Bogleheads, I think.
Polymath.

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