How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Not really financial (unless it affects being in or out of the will)
For reference, I am a male in my 60's -
During a recent conversation with a regular acquaintance, she expressed surprise (almost shock!) that I had always addressed my late in-laws (my wife's parents) by their first names. [Hello, "John", I'm "Dave". Hello, "Mary", I'm "Dave". Nice to meet you.] I also told her that my wife and I are addressed by our (probably) soon to be daughter-in-law by our first names. My wife always addressed my late father by his first name as well (which was his preference). My mother died years before I met my wife.
How "unusual" is this? What have most folks done in the past (or even distant past) and has it become different in more recent times? Has this "issue" ever become contentious or led to difficulties?
For reference, I am a male in my 60's -
During a recent conversation with a regular acquaintance, she expressed surprise (almost shock!) that I had always addressed my late in-laws (my wife's parents) by their first names. [Hello, "John", I'm "Dave". Hello, "Mary", I'm "Dave". Nice to meet you.] I also told her that my wife and I are addressed by our (probably) soon to be daughter-in-law by our first names. My wife always addressed my late father by his first name as well (which was his preference). My mother died years before I met my wife.
How "unusual" is this? What have most folks done in the past (or even distant past) and has it become different in more recent times? Has this "issue" ever become contentious or led to difficulties?
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
No first names when speaking up a generation. My parents were Mom and Dad to me. My wife's parents were Mama and Papa to her. When we got married, no one changed their names. Mom, Dad, Mama, and Papa were the only names we used.
My children-in-law try to avoid the issue by not using a name when addressing me. Now that they have children, they call me Grandpa or Lolo.
All of my children's friends, no matter how close, call me Mr. Critic. They did it when they were 5 and they do it now that they are 45. Last weekend some friends took me and their niece to see Hair. The niece called me Mr. Critic, just as she has heard her cousin, my friends' child, call me all her life.
At the Y where I take my grandchildren, their friends call me Mr. Critic. My grandchildren do the same for someone of an older generation. There was one tricky one. Chinese women don't take their husband's name when they marry, so my friend from Taiwan doesn't have the same last name as her children. We agreed (rather she preferred) that my grandchildren would call her Mrs. Husband, but they were the first ever to do so.
P.S. My children followed the same rules, as do my grandchildren. The exception is for family friends that are close enough to be Tita or Tito or Auntie or Uncle, but a first name is never used without a title.
My children-in-law try to avoid the issue by not using a name when addressing me. Now that they have children, they call me Grandpa or Lolo.
All of my children's friends, no matter how close, call me Mr. Critic. They did it when they were 5 and they do it now that they are 45. Last weekend some friends took me and their niece to see Hair. The niece called me Mr. Critic, just as she has heard her cousin, my friends' child, call me all her life.
At the Y where I take my grandchildren, their friends call me Mr. Critic. My grandchildren do the same for someone of an older generation. There was one tricky one. Chinese women don't take their husband's name when they marry, so my friend from Taiwan doesn't have the same last name as her children. We agreed (rather she preferred) that my grandchildren would call her Mrs. Husband, but they were the first ever to do so.
P.S. My children followed the same rules, as do my grandchildren. The exception is for family friends that are close enough to be Tita or Tito or Auntie or Uncle, but a first name is never used without a title.
Last edited by sscritic on Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I'm 50 and it's same for me. I always call my inlaws by their first names....or grandma and grandpa if my kids are present. My wife does the same with my parents.
What I don't do is call my inlaws "mom" and "dad" and neither does my wife.
What I don't do is call my inlaws "mom" and "dad" and neither does my wife.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Never directly addressed my first set of in-laws in 12 years. Seriously.
With the "in-laws" (not technically) I have now, it's always been first name basis.
With the "in-laws" (not technically) I have now, it's always been first name basis.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I just do what the inlaws are comfortable with. My father-in-law do not wanted to be addressed as grandfather by my kids for example. I just call him by name.
Paul
Paul
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Same here. They're not my mom and dad and calling them so would just be too weird.texasdiver wrote:I'm 50 and it's same for me. I always call my inlaws by their first names....or grandma and grandpa if my kids are present. My wife does the same with my parents.
What I don't do is call my inlaws "mom" and "dad" and neither does my wife.
“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
At 32, I call my in-laws by their first name. My wife calls my parents by their first names. We refer to our own respective set of parents as mom and dad.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
It must be cultural. In my Chinese soap operas, as soon as you are engaged, you call your future in-laws Mom and Dad or the equivalent. I married into a similar culture, except it started after the marriage, not before.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Our families speak different languages, so I call my in-laws "mom" and "dad" in their language. It's very different from what I call my own parents, so it doesn't feel strange. And it makes them happy -- they would consider first names too formal.
Last edited by bcjb on Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I'm 66, and I like being on a first-name basis with people, regardless of age or relationship. It's less formal, more intimate, and I don't see it as disrespectful (although I understand those who do take that view). If I associated with someone who preferred the more formal address, I'd do it just so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable. For some people it's about respect, but in my observation it's more often about maintaining emotional distance. Some people need that.
My son-in-law has always called me by my first name (at my insistence), and although my daughter calls me "Dad", she will often refer to me by first name (in the third person) in a business setting.
My son-in-law has always called me by my first name (at my insistence), and although my daughter calls me "Dad", she will often refer to me by first name (in the third person) in a business setting.
Last edited by spectec on Fri Aug 08, 2014 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. - Will Rogers
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I gotta check this out somedaysscritic wrote:In my Chinese soap operas
“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I use.
Mister, Miss, Don, Doña.
Thanks for reading.
Mister, Miss, Don, Doña.
Thanks for reading.
~ Member of the Active Retired Force since 2014 ~
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
39 years ago when we got married my MIL suggested I call her "mother" I said "I don't think so , I already have a mother, we will call one another by our first names". Same with my sons in law.
Humorous note My wife has a different last name. Many years ago she was challenged "do you go by Mrs. or Ms? She smiled and said "I go by "Doctor""
Humorous note My wife has a different last name. Many years ago she was challenged "do you go by Mrs. or Ms? She smiled and said "I go by "Doctor""
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Years ago I recall hearing that for the first year you can get away with ignoring the issue by saying "hey" or "hey you." After that you can call them grandma or grandpa. That seems to work especially when you have young children. In actual practice at some point I found it appropriate for me to call inlaws "Mom" or "Dad." I would say do whatever you find most comfortable until you get some indication from inlaws as to what they would prefer.
Bob
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
personal choice / cultural norms
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I don't get the only one mother. How many mothers does an adopted person have? Legal ties create legal relationships. Another Chinese soap opera concept: One Family. That's what a marriage creates.Professor Emeritus wrote:39 years ago when we got married my MIL suggested I call her "mother" I said "I don't think so , I already have a mother, we will call one another by our first names". Same with my sons in law.
In the culture I married into, the parents of the couple have a relationship. My parents had it with my wife's parents; I have it with my DIL's mother. I am her compadre and she is my comadre. We co-parent our married children. We are both parents to both of them.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
...........
Last edited by HueyLD on Sat Feb 07, 2015 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Are you watching different ones?HueyLD wrote:Really?sscritic wrote:It must be cultural. In my Chinese soap operas, as soon as you are engaged, you call your future in-laws Mom and Dad or the equivalent.
Sometimes there is a little reluctance to jump right in, but it is common enough to start before the wedding.
In the ones set long ago or in the countryside, the terms are niáng and diē.
It might depend in part on how much the parents played in picking their child's partner to be. Marriage is between families, not children. There are often dinners where the families discuss the arrangements (who buys the house, who pays for the wedding celebration, who buys the kids a car, etc).
Last edited by sscritic on Fri Aug 08, 2014 2:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
First names with in-law parents on both sides.
Pet names for her and my Grand parents.
I still call and refer to her Grandparents (still living) as Nanny and Paki and her other Grandmother (since passed) as Mammaw.
She called my Grandmother Mama XXXXX which is what I called her even since she has passed away.
However, my other Grandparents, that she never met, are referred to as Grandmother <Last Name>.
As an interesting aside, a friend and I that grew up very close with still refer to our parents as Momma <First Name> or Daddy <First Name> as we did growing up. We did this because yelling Momma or Daddy would get 2 sets of people answering when we were on vacations together or at each others houses growing up.
Pet names for her and my Grand parents.
I still call and refer to her Grandparents (still living) as Nanny and Paki and her other Grandmother (since passed) as Mammaw.
She called my Grandmother Mama XXXXX which is what I called her even since she has passed away.
However, my other Grandparents, that she never met, are referred to as Grandmother <Last Name>.
As an interesting aside, a friend and I that grew up very close with still refer to our parents as Momma <First Name> or Daddy <First Name> as we did growing up. We did this because yelling Momma or Daddy would get 2 sets of people answering when we were on vacations together or at each others houses growing up.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
not the issue . lots of folks as children have multiple mothers. I didn't and had no intention, as an adult of acquiring an additional one.sscritic wrote:I don't get the only one mother. How many mothers does an adopted person have? Legal ties create legal relationships. Another Chinese soap opera concept: One Family. That's what a marriage creates.Professor Emeritus wrote:39 years ago when we got married my MIL suggested I call her "mother" I said "I don't think so , I already have a mother, we will call one another by our first names". Same with my sons in law.
In the culture I married into, the parents of the couple have a relationship. My parents had it with my wife's parents; I have it with my DIL's mother. I am her compadre and she is my comadre. We co-parent our married children. We are both parents to both of them.
As to legal ties My FIL had a second wife after my MIL . She was always my FIL's wife. Not my MIL, since she was not my wife's mother.
YMMV
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Yes. However, since my wife's parents do not speak English, I don't issue declarative, or interrogative, sentences with their names as starters.HueyLD wrote:Really?sscritic wrote:It must be cultural. In my Chinese soap operas, as soon as you are engaged, you call your future in-laws Mom and Dad or the equivalent.
My wife calls my folks [name] and [name2]. I call my folks mum and dad or mum and [name2]. My wife doesn't like to be called doctor in her field (having a Ph.D.) We're in our 30s.
Polymath.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I've generally avoided the whole thing for seven years now.
Since having kids it's easier because I can just call them grandma and grandpa now.
Since having kids it's easier because I can just call them grandma and grandpa now.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I rarely address my father-in-law directly... The few times I've done so, I've called him by first name. It feels weird to do so... It would also feel weird to call him Mr. FIL as well. He's two generations older than me though (my wife is 8 years older than me, and she is the youngest in her family), so maybe that's why I feel the discomfort in addressing him directly.flyingbison wrote:Never directly addressed my first set of in-laws in 12 years. Seriously.
So I avoid the whole thing by rarely using his name at all.
My wife calls my father and my mother by their first names, and it's very natural.
I expect my kids spouses to call me by my first name as well...
We're family... mostly no problems being informal with each other.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I'm not married, but once I am I will call my in-laws whatever they want to be called... short of Mom and Dad. As someone stated earlier, I have a Mom and a Dad... and don't need to acquire any additional ones. Definitely not knocking those who do it - just answering the question.
Way down the road if/when I have children-in-law, I'd request to be called by my first name. If they were really stubborn about it, I'd allow Mr. XXXXX but thats not my preference. Again, I'd put a hard stop on it if anyone other than my own kids started trying to call me Dad.
Way down the road if/when I have children-in-law, I'd request to be called by my first name. If they were really stubborn about it, I'd allow Mr. XXXXX but thats not my preference. Again, I'd put a hard stop on it if anyone other than my own kids started trying to call me Dad.
"The problem with diversification is that it works, whether or not we want it to"
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
My parents never addressed their in-laws by any name, and neither do I. Once my dad had to get my grandfather's urgent attention in a crowd and yelled out his last name, which provided us kids with endless hilarity.
My wife refers to my parents by their first names. I don't speak my in-laws' language and rarely have to talk to them directly anyway.
My wife refers to my parents by their first names. I don't speak my in-laws' language and rarely have to talk to them directly anyway.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I managed to avoid the issue for the first couple of years. After that I was more comfortable and called them by their first names.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Mom and dad call mom and dad. In-laws by first name. Same for my wife.
Mom and Dad are unique, so there is never confusion.
Grandma XX or Grandpa YY for our kids to distinguish which side.
We never use first names going up-generation within a family, but my MIL and my FIL are not MY family,
they are my wife's, and are treated with respect because of their relationship with my wife.
I never had a parent-child relationship with them, only an adult-adult relationship, so I refer to them
as I would any other adult.
Mom and Dad are unique, so there is never confusion.
Grandma XX or Grandpa YY for our kids to distinguish which side.
We never use first names going up-generation within a family, but my MIL and my FIL are not MY family,
they are my wife's, and are treated with respect because of their relationship with my wife.
I never had a parent-child relationship with them, only an adult-adult relationship, so I refer to them
as I would any other adult.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
When did you become an adult? At 21, I called my professors Professor, not Mike. Actually, that finally broke down on in intramural basketball court when it just would have taken too long to yell out "Professor Ushkowitz!" But off the court, it was still Professor Ushkowitz. I still recognize generations as an adult. My good friend's mother is Grandma XXXX, not Mikiko. I wouldn't dare call her by her first name (my dead mother would rise up out of her grave and slap my face).
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
My daughters in law and my son in law address us by our first names. The grandchildren call us grandma and grandpa. All of them call my mother grandma peppers. My father and my wife's parents have passed.
Now, our children and grandchildren call our sisters Aunt Mary, Aunt Rose, Aunt Kathy etc.
Now, our children and grandchildren call our sisters Aunt Mary, Aunt Rose, Aunt Kathy etc.
"..the cavalry ain't comin' kid, you're on your own..."
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
My in-laws and I do not speak the same language and we never met (I can't go there and they cannot come here easily).
They are perfect and they think I am perfect. Life is good!
They are perfect and they think I am perfect. Life is good!
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
If you like historical drama's, sscritic's soap recommendations are very good. I have watched two of them, with English subtitles.pennstater2005 wrote:I gotta check this out somedaysscritic wrote:In my Chinese soap operas
"..the cavalry ain't comin' kid, you're on your own..."
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
This thread is doing nothing but validating my bad behavior. I too call my husband's parents nothing. But, his dad made a big fuss over how there are no in laws in his family yada yada, so I felt like he expects me to call him dad and I just can't bring myself to do it. Like others have said, I have a mom & dad am proud to call them and only them by those "names". Calling them nothing avoids confrontation over this weird situation.Rainier wrote:I've generally avoided the whole thing for seven years now.
Since having kids it's easier because I can just call them grandma and grandpa now.
My husband does actually call my parents by their first name, and they don't mind. But my mother is one of those newfangled people who think that calling adults Mrs. & Mr. just because they're grownups is silly, so there was no chance of them being offended.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
My in-laws called EACH OTHER Mother and Daddy.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I must be one of the few raised in the early 20th century.
I like honorifics. How can you not be honored if someone includes you in their family and has their children call you Aunt or Uncle, even if you are not? What greater honor is there than to be called mom or dad by someone who is not your biological child, but who calls you that out of love and respect?
I really like CABob's response:
P.S. I also call priests Father, even if they aren't mine.
I like honorifics. How can you not be honored if someone includes you in their family and has their children call you Aunt or Uncle, even if you are not? What greater honor is there than to be called mom or dad by someone who is not your biological child, but who calls you that out of love and respect?
I really like CABob's response:
I am sure they appreciated it.In actual practice at some point I found it appropriate for me to call inlaws "Mom" or "Dad."
P.S. I also call priests Father, even if they aren't mine.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
My wife refers to my parents by their first names. I refer to my wife's mother by her first name. She was widowed and has since re-married, and everyone refers to her new husband by his first name. Our kids use grandma and grandpa for my parents, and grammy and gramps for my wife's mother and her husband.
Actually, I feel like this is an odd situation. Growing up, my parents referred to both sets of my grandparents as mom and dad. I always thought that was normal until I was about 25, when I was informed that was unusual. I'm still not convinced. It's certainly not just a cultural difference, because in no way could my family be considered multi-cultural. I certainly agree with this (emphasis on the final word mine):
There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond on this topic. I'm so glad not to have a mother like him.
Actually, I feel like this is an odd situation. Growing up, my parents referred to both sets of my grandparents as mom and dad. I always thought that was normal until I was about 25, when I was informed that was unusual. I'm still not convinced. It's certainly not just a cultural difference, because in no way could my family be considered multi-cultural. I certainly agree with this (emphasis on the final word mine):
Sometimes I feel like there's a general lack of respect that exists today. Maybe I'm old fashioned? I still call my mother's best friend an aunt. I still refer to my friends' parents and my parents' friends as Mr. and Mrs.sscritic wrote:I like honorifics. How can you not be honored if someone includes you in their family and has their children call you Aunt or Uncle, even if you are not? What greater honor is there than to be called mom or dad by someone who is not your biological child, but who calls you that out of love and respect?
There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond on this topic. I'm so glad not to have a mother like him.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I too was raised to address elders with a title. I am still in contact with an elderly couple who were neighbors when I was 2. I grew up calling them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. Recently they suggested I call them by their first name. I really tried, but it felt disrespectful. They are Mr. and Mrs. Lastname...I'm young enough to be their kid and then some...There is no way I can call them by their first name.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Sometimes they don't want to be.sscritic wrote:I must be one of the few raised in the early 20th century.
I like honorifics. How can you not be honored if someone includes you in their family and has their children call you Aunt or Uncle, even if you are not? What greater honor is there than to be called mom or dad by someone who is not your biological child, but who calls you that out of love and respect?
I really like CABob's response:I am sure they appreciated it.In actual practice at some point I found it appropriate for me to call inlaws "Mom" or "Dad."
P.S. I also call priests Father, even if they aren't mine.
A couple of my Aunts absolutely hate being called Aunt anything. They always say, and have since I was very little. "Do you want me to call you Nephew <First Name>? Stop calling me Ant <First Name>.
Funny aside.
We called our parents siblings "Ant" <First Name> (phonetically), not "Ont".
We called our Great Aunts, "Ain't" <First Name>, not "Ant".
When referring to them in the 3rd person when talking about them to someone else we called them "Ont".
Kind of funny actually.
My wife commented on it when we first got married how our accent changed when we talked about them or to them.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I went from using Mr. and Mrs. before the wedding to Dad and Mom after I said "I do." My wife did the same with my folks. (I could have addressed my FIL by his first name with no problem, but my MIL clearly wanted to be called "Mom" so I complied.)
Don't reach for yield.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
In the late 1960's, my first job after graduating from college was a "Programmer Trainee" at IBM. During those years, IBM hired and trained many thousands of such programmers. I recall that, very early in our orientation to the IBM culture, it was very clear that almost all levels of management should be (and were) addressed by first name. During my years at IBM, I don't think I ever had any interactions with anyone so high up that I would have said "Mr. or Mrs. or Ms.". I never met Thomas J. Watson, Jr. - and I just can't recall whether or not we would have addressed him as "Tom" or "Mr. Watson".
By the way, I do address priests as "Father Joe" or "Father Smith" (as would be their preference).
By the way, I do address priests as "Father Joe" or "Father Smith" (as would be their preference).
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
If in doubt, try "Mulva"Kosmo wrote:
There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond on this topic. I'm so glad not to have a mother like him.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
For reference, I'm in Minnesota and am 28. (These rules aren't just from my generation though. People my parents' age do the same.) Outside of students in elementary and high school referring to teachers*, I've only once heard of someone around here regularly addressed as "Mr. Surname" rather than "FirstName". That person is a business owner and apparently requires his employees to use that form of address. I find it super awkwardly formal. I refer to him in the third person as "FirstName" and have never had to address him in the first person. That said, a couple classics still remain: Doctors are referred to as "Dr. Surname" in a professional capacity (but not socially) and judges get "Your Honor" in the courtroom. And direct ancestors (but not aunts/uncles or in-laws) are not addressed by an unqualified first name; that is, "Grandma FirstName" might be used if you're not into Grandma/Nana/whatever to separate sides of the family.
* This creates asymmetry. If your parent is a teacher, then you friends use Mr./Mrs. Surname, but you call their parents by their first names. Once you're both graduated, it's first names all around.
* This creates asymmetry. If your parent is a teacher, then you friends use Mr./Mrs. Surname, but you call their parents by their first names. Once you're both graduated, it's first names all around.
Last edited by mnvalue on Sat Aug 09, 2014 12:24 am, edited 2 times in total.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
A very popular (among many, but not all families) choice middle and high school (grades 6-12) in my locality has the custom or protocol that students address teachers by their first names.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Gen X here.
We call our inlaws using the chosen noun of the respective household, which happen to be different (and have made things easier)
We call our inlaws using the chosen noun of the respective household, which happen to be different (and have made things easier)
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
The custom may be in what area of the country you live. When I grew up in the 30s and 40s in the South, adults were called Mr. or Mrs. Through college, I called teachers and profs Mr. or Miss, for example. I called my aunts and uncles, "Aunt Lucile" or "Uncle Lovic" You never called a person of an older generation by their first name...never. What was disturbing, though, was having a younger cute female in the University of Florida (I was 25 at the time) call me Mr.
As a factory manager in Indiana most of the employees under my leadership called me Mr...although some of the more younger ones would call me by my first name. Children in my Indiana neighborhood, even college kids, call me Mr....never by my first name. Most younger than me adult neighbors call me Mr. as well.
My in-laws call me by my first name and I do the same. My Mother In Law was called Mom, however. My Daughter in Law calls me Dad and my wife, Mom (She is from KY)
As a factory manager in Indiana most of the employees under my leadership called me Mr...although some of the more younger ones would call me by my first name. Children in my Indiana neighborhood, even college kids, call me Mr....never by my first name. Most younger than me adult neighbors call me Mr. as well.
My in-laws call me by my first name and I do the same. My Mother In Law was called Mom, however. My Daughter in Law calls me Dad and my wife, Mom (She is from KY)
Last edited by Sheepdog on Sat Aug 09, 2014 12:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Similar for me when I started in a big engineering firm and there it was clear that if I met the CEO I was still expected to call him by his first name (only the founder was ever called "Mister" but that was more of a nickname and anyway he died before I started).dm200 wrote:I recall that, very early in our orientation to the IBM culture, it was very clear that almost all levels of management should be (and were) addressed by first name.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
FIL: Dr. [firstname]
MIL: Ma
Wife calls my parents by their first names.
MIL: Ma
Wife calls my parents by their first names.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
I never had an issue with using a professor's first name, as long as the professor stated that was their preference. Even all these years later, certain professors are "Jane" and "John" in my mind, while other professors are "Dr. Smith" and "Dr. Doe". There was one who insisted on "Doctor" instead of "Professor", and he is recalled more as an eye-roll than as a name.sscritic wrote:When did you become an adult? At 21, I called my professors Professor, not Mike. Actually, that finally broke down on in intramural basketball court when it just would have taken too long to yell out "Professor Ushkowitz!" But off the court, it was still Professor Ushkowitz. I still recognize generations as an adult. My good friend's mother is Grandma XXXX, not Mikiko. I wouldn't dare call her by her first name (my dead mother would rise up out of her grave and slap my face).
My graduate research advisor was referred to just by his last name, and we even had a fake "research paper" naming particles, probability distributions, and search algorithms after him to make a joke about how hard it was to find him on campus or to get him to answer his messages and his love for procrastinating until the last possible moment (e.g. "the Whosit search algorithm begins at the faculty offices, then moves down to the department office, then over to the research labs, then down to the school office, and finally moves down to the undergraduate computer labs; repeat until found or exhausted").
And it's funny, in my family using "Grandpa John" was a sign of distance and "Grandpa Smith" was a sign of closeness. From my observation of other families, this was a unique dynamic related to my grandmother's second husband, who very few adults in the family liked. My great grandmother could turn his name into a 4-letter word simply by her tone.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
First names or nicknames if they had them. DH did the same for mine. We're on the West Coast and they're in the MidWest and East so it's been fairly easy to not have to verbally address by name anyway.
Never would I call anyone else's parents mom or dad. I have my own parents and they are and were too great to bestow those titles on anyone else.
Our siblings and their spouses all use first names for their inlaws too.
Never would I call anyone else's parents mom or dad. I have my own parents and they are and were too great to bestow those titles on anyone else.
Our siblings and their spouses all use first names for their inlaws too.
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Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Around academia Professor is a far "higher" title than Doctor. But In multiple departments and multiple disciplines I don't ever remember hearing a faculty member being addressed by a student using a first name. Perhaps over in the Music department etc its different.Mudpuppy wrote: I never had an issue with using a professor's first name, as long as the professor stated that was their preference. Even all these years later, certain professors are "Jane" and "John" in my mind, while other professors are "Dr. Smith" and "Dr. Doe". There was one who insisted on "Doctor" instead of "Professor", and he is recalled more as an eye-roll than as a name.
MIL , FIL and SIL were all Ph.Ds DW is an MD. Lot of jokes about titles.
Re: How do you address your inlaws and being addressed?
Similar in Japan. It was made clear to me from the start that my in-laws were to be addressed as (the Japanese language equivalent of) "Mother" and "Father." Once grandchildren entered the picture, they became (the Japanese equivalent of) "Grandma" and "Grandpa," at least when in front of the kids. If it is a one-on-one situation, then "Mother" and "Father" again.sscritic wrote:It must be cultural. In my Chinese soap operas, as soon as you are engaged, you call your future in-laws Mom and Dad or the equivalent. I married into a similar culture, except it started after the marriage, not before.
Last edited by bpp on Sat Aug 09, 2014 8:48 am, edited 1 time in total.