backofbeyond wrote:stemikger wrote:SpaceCommander wrote:I also read that article about this being a myth, but I think there comes a time in your life where you think about all the things you didn't do right or wish you could have went a different direction.
I have a wonderful wife but a few years ago I had a major crush on a girl half my age. I never acted on it but I had a very strong emotional attachment to her. I felt guilty and ashamed about this and when I think about it being around her made me feel young again and I think that was the main attraction for me. I felt just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.
When I was in my 20s and would see a young girl with her Sugar Daddy it would get me disgusted and could never understand it. Now here I was in my mid 40s and I was wrapped up in fantasies about being with this 20 something girl.
This relationship lasted two and a half years and although I no longer see her I still loved how that feeling of being in my 20s was a great feeling. So there you have it that is how I dealt with my mid-life crisis.
Although nothing physical happed I do feel guilty about being so emotionally invested with her and in many ways I felt like I cheated on my wife and marriage.
Stem, what you described is what is known as the Kobayaski Maru of Mid Life crisis, referring to the no-win scenario depicted in Star Trek. There are atleast 3 possible outcomes of an older married man falling for a younger woman:
1. He acts on it, she accepts. Whether it works or not, his life becomes much much more complicated. As he ends up taking on the additional burdens of her life plus the heartaches that he causes his family, most of all his wife. To tie it in with a financial posting, just about anyway you look at it, the standard of living plummets for just about everyone involved, except maybe the young thing.
2. He doesn’t act on it, but wonders, would he have been happier if he had? And this goes on for years, maybe the rest of his life, that is, being tormented by the “what could have been”.
3. He doesn’t act on it, glad he didn’t, but feels guilty for even thinking about it. That would be you.
Having gone through every one of those scenarios, trust me, you got off lightly. My only advice is whatever you do, never ever, tell the wife about it. You may think it will get the guilt off your chest, but it really will only open up a whole can of suspicions on her part. Best to tuck it away and call it a hard lesson learned.
Somehow the quotes got mixed up. Let's be clear: that was Stemikger's story, not mine. I don't know how I got tagged with that.
BTW, I think backofbeyond gives some good advice here (for what it's worth).