Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

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petrisunset
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Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by petrisunset » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:53 am

Hi Bogleheads,
I read a lot on this forum on planning for retirement (particular early retirement) and saving for kid’s education. However, I have not found a post combining both. This should be relevant for people like me who became parents later in life than usual.
Here is my situation: 54 years, married partner 45 years doesn’t work to manage the family; my kids are 11 & 8 years.
I have a well paid job in Silicon Valkey that requires long hours. Danger of burn-out and I would rather like to leave today than tomorrow. House in HCOL Bay-Area is almost paid off and no other debt. Some savings in retirement and taxable accounts (definitely not rich by Silicon Valley standards) that would be sufficient to retire in a lower COL area - IF I wouldn’t have to factor in raising two kids for another 10+ years. I can log in another couple of years in my existing job but not another decade or longer.
Any other older Dads on the forum who would like to share their situation and how they tackle the condundrum of retirement planning & raising kids at the same time?

Goal33
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Goal33 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:58 am

Sounds like my dad. Unfortunately, you keep working.
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metrunt
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by metrunt » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:25 am

It's hard to say exactly without firm numbers, but paid off house in the Bay area + savings that equal "not rich by Bay area standards" = Rich.

I bet if you wanted, you could spend the next year or two shoring up savings, tightening up expenses, and finding a position (local or remote) in a LCOL and spend your time watching your kids grow up.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by bantam222 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:06 am

I’m not sure if it is any harder for older parents. Should be easier as you have more time to let the education funds compound before you need it.

You basically just deferred the expense to a later point in life. May have made you feel richer than you were.

I don’t think there is any secret to this. You either keep working until you have enough money, only pay for part of your kids education, cut your expanses in other areas. Or some combination of the above.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by onourway » Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:46 am

What’s the value of your home and retirement assets vs. debts? With specific numbers we could help you run some calculations. Without them, it seems pretty likely that a paid off Silicon Valley home should generate enough to relocate to a LCOL area where you could perhaps find more enjoyable, part time, or remote work. It really depends on what your specific numbers are and what kind of lifestyle you envision.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by AlohaJoe » Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:47 am

petrisunset wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:53 am
Hi Bogleheads,
I read a lot on this forum on planning for retirement (particular early retirement) and saving for kid’s education. However, I have not found a post combining both.
I see tons of posts on the subject. Here are few I found with a quick search.

viewtopic.php?t=195238
viewtopic.php?t=201330
viewtopic.php?t=241680
viewtopic.php?t=238739
viewtopic.php?t=207818
viewtopic.php?t=210678
viewtopic.php?t=258305
viewtopic.php?t=79071

It may not seem like it gets discussed much because, at some level, there's nothing special about it. Saving for a retirement vs. using the money for something else. It doesn't really matter whether that "something else" is raising kids, paying for kids college, buying a vacation home, funding an expensive hobby, etc.

You figure out (or more accurately, take an educated guess) at how much you need to save to retire. Then you save as much towards that as you can. Every parent needs to plan for retirement while still raising kids, after all.

I think you might get more meaningful replies if you were able to reframe your question and ask something a little less broad. Is there a more targeted question that you really want to ask?

For instance, it sounds like your real question is something like "I'm not sure I can last 10 more years in my job. But I need to do it to support my family in our current location and lifestyle." That's not really a question about saving for retirement per se. It seems like what you need to do is start having a conversation with your wife, and eventually your children, about the burnout you're feeling and how you as a family are going to deal with it. Maybe that means your wife gets a job. Maybe that means you change careers entirely. Maybe that means your family moves to a LCOL now. Maybe it means your family waits 2 years and then moves to a LCOL. But it seems like you need to start discussing that kind of thing with your family now -- these kinds of things often take months, if not years, of talking for everyone to get on the same page. You need to explore the solution space and not just zero in on "the only answer to my problem is to have enough money to retire exactly where we live today with the exact lifestyle we have today".

Have you told your wife you don't think you can work 10 more years? What did she say?

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by BanquetBeer » Mon Dec 03, 2018 7:00 am

As a young dad with early retirement plans: you spend less save more. Retirement is priority one. Kids college is priority 2. I put away 25k per kid around birth and let that grow to whatever in 18 years. Assuming they go to college, will cash flow remainder from retirement income. Assume 100k parent contribution in today’s dollars. Assume 529 grows to 60k by college age. That’s 10k/yr/kid. If you need to spread out overlap years, get loans and pay them off.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Dec 03, 2018 7:03 am

Determine what level of expenses you have each month. Can you find an employment opportunity that will permit you to pay all of your expenses and save for retirement without having to kill yourself? If you can not today, keep working and keep your eyes open for that potential opportunity down the road. Also, wife needs to go back to work, say when younger kid is 12-13 and older kid is 16. Not working today is a luxury few can afford.
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by TomatoTomahto » Mon Dec 03, 2018 7:14 am

Well, I'm an older Dad, but the genders are reversed from your question (ie, the female is the one who brings in the paycheck from outside, the male is the one who stayed at home to manage the family). This is a topic for another day, but you really should be less boxed in on gender.

I had my last child when I was almost 50 years old; my wife was early 40s. I was old enough, and the kids young enough, that I could file at 62 and get Social Security for the kids (until they are the earliest of 19 yo, married, out of high school). It's not a huge amount of money, but it swings the pendulum to early filing.

I had hoped that my wife would retire earlier. We don't need the money, but she enjoys working, and her job is super high stress and very time demanding. My recommendation to you, such as it is, is to find a way to enjoy your work.
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 7:36 am

61 with a 22 year old in college (private), starting grad school (public) next year and 18 year old in a special needs high school with plans to start community college next year, then perhaps transfer into state college.

Unfortunately, the way to properly plan is to avalanche your debts from the day after you graduate college and start a job, living like a student for a solid 5 or more years. Stay employed. Don't buy up (houses or cars). That's what we did and once it was clear that even with treatment, we could not biologically have children, we took on the expense of adopting. The good news there for us is that I was nearly 40 and our financial situation was more than secure. So secure that I took unpaid FMLA for a full 12 weeks and we didn't even notice the lack of my income.

I had always had in my head that college for the 2 kids would cost us a million dollars. So I continued saving and continued not buying stupid things. Now, we're not perfect and we did do some stupid financial things along the way that in retrospect, we could have done better. But for the most part, we didn't impulse buy and didn't waste our money on crap.

I was one of those people that the Fidelity study probably would have targeted, where they said the first most successful people in their 401k's were dead and the 2nd most successful forgot they had an account. Shortly before finding Bogleheads, I knew I had accounts, but spent a year waiting for statements to arrive so I could enter them into my spread sheet. Only then did I know how much I had (over $1.5M at that point). Then I started moving funds into low cost index funds from stuff like Contrafund and Magellan.

Moving forward for you? If you're short for college and/or retirement, your wife needs to work. Even part time, low hours helps. Not just for the income but for the social security non-zero years. My wife's a nurse and working some number of weekend night shifts for the money and for the social security zero year replacements. The rest of the stuff is right after "the Millionaire Next Door". Although very dated, it has the lifestyle defined.
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by market timer » Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:13 am

In your situation, I'd probably retire and downsize fairly soon and relocate to a state with good public colleges, where the kids can attend inexpensively and perhaps even live at home. This is basically my plan when the kids near college age. In-state tuition and cost of living are reasonable at schools like Ga Tech, UNC, UGA, UF, Wisconsin, Michigan, UVA, UIUC, and UT--pretty nice places to retire, as well.

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dm200
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by dm200 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 9:38 am

Friends of ours adopted three children (internationally) in their late 50's. Because the children are all under 18, the parents get Social security payments for each of the children until the child turns 18.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by cheezit » Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:34 am

My father was on the older side when I was born, and died while I was in grade school (heart attack). All I can say is make sure you have enough insurance and keep yourself healthy.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by delamer » Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:53 am

bantam222 wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:06 am
I’m not sure if it is any harder for older parents. Should be easier as you have more time to let the education funds compound before you need it.

You basically just deferred the expense to a later point in life. May have made you feel richer than you were.

I don’t think there is any secret to this. You either keep working until you have enough money, only pay for part of your kids education, cut your expanses in other areas. Or some combination of the above.
Unless you are the rare person who starts saving for your kid’s education before s/he is conceived, you only have about 18 years to save until the kid begins college. It doesn’t matter whether the kid is born when you are 25 or 55.

However, paying back student loans for your kid — if you go that route — would likely be easier if you are younger and still in the workforce.

Back to the OP’s question, if you need to stop working (or cut back to something less stressful) in a couple years then you plan for it. Save more, spend less.

If your partner knows you can’t keep up the current pace, the s/he should be willing to help out financially by bringing in some income. Roles in a family can’t be static. They need to change based on the family’s needs.

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dm200
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by dm200 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 11:08 am

Life insurance for a long time - maybe some whole life?

Be "good" to your children - so they (and their spouses will be good to you in old age.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by TomatoTomahto » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:18 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 9:38 am
Friends of ours adopted three children (internationally) in their late 50's. Because the children are all under 18, the parents get Social security payments for each of the children until the child turns 18.
If the kids are unmarried and full time students in high school, the benefits last until they turn 19. Tell your friends :D

ETA: and technically, the children get the benefits, and the parents will have an annual accounting to do.
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Watty
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Watty » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:29 pm

It was a long time ago but when I was in my 20's I lived in Silicon Valley which has always been expensive and one of the things I saw was that some of my older coworkers had adult kids that were well into their 20's that were still living at home and that was often not a good situation. The problem was that the kids did not have high paying jobs and could not afford an apartment even with roomates. Try to picture what it will be like for your kids if you are still there when they grow up.

They may very well not be able to afford to live near you and if you move to some low cost of living area when you retire they may not follow you there since they will not have any ties to that area.

I left the Bay Area when I was about 30 and I was ready to buy my first house. That worked out well for me and I was able to retire when I was 58. I've moved several time and I am in Atlanta now which is still very affordable. Prices have gone up recently but you can buy a decent house in the suburbs in a good school district in the high $200's or with some compromises you can still get a starter homes for less than $200K, sometimes a lot less. It is more expensive in some prime or downtown areas but in most areas a $400K house is often getting into McMansion types of homes.

My son went to college and is about 30 now. He is doing well in his career and was easily able to afford to buy a nice house about ten minutes away from us. He is married and has kids which means that we get to see our grandkids frequently.

In contrast we have some friends who had a son that was severely dyslexic and was barely able to graduate from high school. At one point he was working in a chain muffler shop which was a good honest job but I am sure that it did not pay a lot. Even in that situation he was able to live with his parents for a few years to save up some money and then buy a small older house in a marginal but not terrible area.

I lived halfway across the country from my parents so they only got to see their grandkids maybe once a year so that was much different. I was thinking about that the other day and I realized that they likely only saw my son less than two dozen times so my son barely knew them.

There is a lot to be said for moving soon so that your kids will feel some connection with where you move to. It might be a bit different but there are tech jobs in any major city and a lot of smaller cities. Even in rural areas they have the internet and some aspects of farming are surprisingly high tech. College towns may have more high tech jobs than you might think. If you work for a large company they likely have operations in different cities. If you deal with suppliers or customers they also likely have operations in other cities.

Even if you would earn less in a lower cost of living area you could still do fine since you could buy a house for cash for a couple of hundred thousand dollars than have a lot of freed up home equity to fund your retirement. It is just anecdotal but I was a software developer before I retired and my son also got a degree in Computer Science and is a software developer too. My impression is that unless you are a superstar that salaries don't vary by region as much as you might think, the big difference seems to be in the stock options or grants.

I would take a hard look at moving to a lower cost of living area now. Some reasons are;

1) The housing market is still good. In a bad housing market the prices might not only be lower but it can be very hard so the house might be on the market for six months or a year. There is a more than reasonable cause to think that Bay Area housing is in a bubble so if you are going to sell it in the next ten years anyway now could be a good time.

2) The job market is still strong so finding other work should not be that hard. Even in tech a 50+ year old could have a had time finding a job in a recession.

3) Your oldest kid could settle in to the new area and feel connected to it since they would go to middle school and high school there. The kids could end up moving anywhere when they grow up but with two kids there is a good chance that at least one of them will live near you when they are adults.
Last edited by Watty on Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Watty » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:48 pm

market timer wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:13 am
In your situation, I'd probably retire and downsize fairly soon and relocate to a state with good public colleges, where the kids can attend inexpensively and perhaps even live at home. This is basically my plan when the kids near college age. In-state tuition and cost of living are reasonable at schools like Ga Tech, UNC, UGA, UF, Wisconsin, Michigan, UVA, UIUC, and UT--pretty nice places to retire, as well.
Georgia and a few other states use lottery money to pay for college scholarships.

In Georgia it is called a the Hope Scholarship. There are more details but basically if a kids graduates from a Georgia high school with a 3.0 GPA and keeps up a 3.0 GPA in college then they get their tuition paid at a state university. Some "fees" and room and board are not covered. This is not need based so all students can get it. Many students stay in Georgia to go to college because of this so getting into some state universities can be surprisingly competitive.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Starfish » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:53 pm

I have lots of friends with 1-3 kids in BA, some making serious money, but none has the luxury of a parent staying at home to manage the family.
BA is very hard to handle from one income unless you are really well paid. You are paying for luxuries like the (much) younger parent not working and living in an VHCOL. You have to deal with this, life is short.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by getthatmarshmallow » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:13 pm

An older mom here, and while it's a ways off yet, I'll be 55 when the youngest starts college, and the answer is basically:

1) Scrimp a lot.

1) is possible without feeling too deprived because our income is moderately high for our area. Perhaps as your kids get older your wife can pick up some work which might allow you to cut back. Or, it might be worth looking into whether you could move to a lower cost of living area and keep a similar career. If you're in tech, you'll undoubtedly take a pay cut (unless you can swing working remotely), but you might find that the lifestyle is more sustainable. Being burned out with young kids is tough.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Arabesque » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:32 pm

I’m the 67 y.o. single mother of a 17 and 22 y. o., adopted. I’m still working, though I probably don’t need to. I just don’t feel I can retire until I am certain the high school senior is well into college or is definite about career direction.

I understand being tired. I did the math at 51 and felt fine about the adoption, but I hadn’t factored in how I would change. I would have been more careful in lifestyle choices if I understood how tired of working I would be in 16 years. I would have minimized my spending and kept community colleges on the table. As is, I just keep working. I like much of my job, but some days I wanna nap!

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by wolf359 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:38 pm

As they say on the airplane, "Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others."

Older parents don't get the luxury of saving for retirement after the kids are out of the house. By the time they're out, you're already at retirement age. For early retirees, you may be in retirement WITH the kids.

Your retirement costs simply have to allow for a period of time in which your lifestyle costs are higher due to kids at home. If you're going to help with college, then you have to account for that cost as well. If you're already at your number except for the kids, then you probably don't have to save much longer to cover the kid expenses as well. (A few years, yes, but not the 10 it would take them to grow up.)

My own plan is that I have to try to keep working while the kids are still dependents. If I'm still working when they're in college, I can "cash flow" college, and can use investments to fund my own retirement/living expenses.

The problem is that there are no guarantees for older people to be able to keep working in tech (it could be burnouts, layoffs, ageism, etc). You have to save first, and race to get your plan funded as quickly as possible. Have a backup plan that you can engage at any time if the worst happens.

You can always cut back living expenses, or move to a LCOL area. Your current house may help boost your savings account. Your kids can also borrow money for college if they have to. Nobody will lend you money for your retirement.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by stuper1 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 2:15 pm

I didn't have time to read all the responses, so my advice may be redundant. Retire to a LCOL community that is the home of a good state university in a low-tax state. Encourage your kids to live at home with you during their college years. This will save a lot of money. To me, undergraduate degrees are over-rated. They can go off to a good graduate school if they need to. If they don't want to live at home with you, tell them to get used to having to pay off a lot of debt for much of their life, unless they can get a lot of financial aid, which they may be able to do if you have most of your assets in a home and retirement accounts.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Ron Ronnerson » Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:29 pm

My wife and I are both 44 years old and we have a four-year-old kid. I’m a public school teacher in Silicon Valley and my wife is a stay-at-home parent at this time. Our approach is to minimize expenses in order to maximize time together as a family. Basically, the less money we need to live, the less we need to work. This has been our main goal since our daughter was born and it’s been working nicely for us. I’m home by 4 p.m. on most days and have 180 days off a year. I like my job very much but the time off is priceless. We have found that looking for low-cost/efficient alternatives in just about all spending categories allows us to have the one thing that we truly value: time.

We prioritize retirement savings and don’t save in a 529 or other college savings account. A big reason for that is our age. We should be able to access retirement accounts by the time our daughter is 19 so college costs can come from there if needed. Our income is about $120k and we save $30k-$40k per year in retirement accounts and I also contribute $10k/year toward a pension.

My wife and I were having a conversation yesterday about whether the budget feels too tight. We both agreed that we’re fairly comfortable and all the time off is well worth the small amount of sacrifice it feels like we're having to make.

By the way, congrats on almost having your house paid off. We still have 24 years to go on ours!

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by leeks » Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:59 pm

Staying at your current job and retirement are not the only two choices. If you feel close to burnout, leave sooner. Find a different job that allows you to enjoy your family and life more. Move the family to a lower cost area if necessary. You can afford to take a lower-paying job to get a better quality of life.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Cycle » Mon Dec 03, 2018 9:35 pm

I'll be having my first in a month at age 36, DW is 37.

I don't work more than 40hrs a week. My wife and I get combined 7months off for the birth, plus we have combined 10 weeks of paid time off. It's not like work has to be soul crushing if you are in an interesting field and at the right company with the right manager. These are things within ones circle of control.

The advantage of having a child later in life is you've already got that compounding interest working for you and paid off house, if you saved $ in your 20s, so that $19k daycare is hakuna matata.

My burnout timer is on 9 years tho... Don't think I could do a performance review in my 50s unless it's with a dog walking client.

My kids will likely think my profession was landlord if I do exit megacorp early.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Hulk » Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:56 pm

AlohaJoe wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:47 am


For instance, it sounds like your real question is something like "I'm not sure I can last 10 more years in my job. But I need to do it to support my family in our current location and lifestyle." That's not really a question about saving for retirement per se. It seems like what you need to do is start having a conversation with your wife, and eventually your children, about the burnout you're feeling and how you as a family are going to deal with it. Maybe that means your wife gets a job. Maybe that means you change careers entirely. Maybe that means your family moves to a LCOL now. Maybe it means your family waits 2 years and then moves to a LCOL. But it seems like you need to start discussing that kind of thing with your family now
this

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by TierArtz » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:14 am

I can somewhat relate to the OP. DW and I had our first child when I was 45 and our third when I was 50 (she is three years younger). Thankfully we'd gotten an early start on savings since getting married 18 years earlier (average of 17%) and had roughly $500k accumulated when the first child was born. After each birth, 529 accounts at $250 each per month were started. Counting the 529s, we invest about 25% yearly, not counting matches. We don't spoil our kids (too bad) and hope they are able to cover part of their college expenses. I enjoy my job and am thinking of retiring when I hit my number (40x expenses after passive income); sitting at 37x now :-) But, since the youngest one is still in 3rd grade, I might just up the number instead of actually pulling the rip-cord.
Last edited by TierArtz on Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by dm200 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:01 am

Many "older dads" I have known had an additional financial challenge - children from the previous marriage.

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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by TomatoTomahto » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:38 am

dm200 wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:01 am
Many "older dads" I have known had an additional financial challenge - children from the previous marriage.
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by JBTX » Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:13 pm

petrisunset wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:53 am
Hi Bogleheads,
I read a lot on this forum on planning for retirement (particular early retirement) and saving for kid’s education. However, I have not found a post combining both. This should be relevant for people like me who became parents later in life than usual.
Here is my situation: 54 years, married partner 45 years doesn’t work to manage the family; my kids are 11 & 8 years.
I have a well paid job in Silicon Valkey that requires long hours. Danger of burn-out and I would rather like to leave today than tomorrow. House in HCOL Bay-Area is almost paid off and no other debt. Some savings in retirement and taxable accounts (definitely not rich by Silicon Valley standards) that would be sufficient to retire in a lower COL area - IF I wouldn’t have to factor in raising two kids for another 10+ years. I can log in another couple of years in my existing job but not another decade or longer.
Any other older Dads on the forum who would like to share their situation and how they tackle the condundrum of retirement planning & raising kids at the same time?
I agree with Aloha Joe. It is really a question of working longer or spending less. A lot less. Mr Money mustache less. You /kids may want to consider state school or community college. Or have spouse work. Or have spouse work and you find a less stressful gig.

My age and 2 teenagers ages are very close to yours. The differences are my wife works full time, and I saved pretty aggressively in my younger years.

ThrustVectoring
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by ThrustVectoring » Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:05 pm

A lot of child raising expenses are really not mandatory - they're more "keeping up with the Joneses" type stuff. Especially if you're living in the Bay Area in California. College expenses are the big one, but that can be planned around. Essentially, income, taxable savings and real estate will contribute to your expected family contribution, while retirement savings won't, so if you've optimized ruthlessly for stuffing money into tax advantaged accounts and minimizing your realized income in retirement, you can get an expected family contribution of almost $0 and maximize aid eligibility. Combine with attending in-state schools and this expense can be minimized pretty effectively.

Outside of that and with a stay-at-home parent, it's basically just food, clothing, school supplies, etc. It's not free, but it's not exactly all that expensive. The stay-at-home parent's "job", so to speak, is essentially to figure out how to keep the household running efficiently. That means doing the boring work of packing up lunches, buying things in bulk, shopping for deals, cooking dinners, etc.
Current portfolio: 60% VTI / 40% VXUS

majiaknight
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by majiaknight » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:45 pm

I could imagine the high pressure of raising two kids with single income in your situation in the Bay area. But you're not alone and I know some of my colleagues choosing to move to the East Bay (e.g. Dublin) with extremely long daily commute in exchange for more affordable housing and good public schools.

Just curious about your thoughts and career plans in your early 40s when the two kids were born? Anything changed since then? I guess early retirement around mid-50s wasn't an option at that time.

dknightd
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by dknightd » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:12 pm

I'm not an older dad, but I will comment anyway. I have a friend in a similar, but different situation. He adopted late in life.

I would do whatever I could to make sure my children had health insurance, until they turn 26. Assuming you can do this, and they still qualify.

After 26 they have to figure this out for themselves.

My other consideration would be how does it look when you retire and still have young kids? Would they expect to retire early?

As far as savings, I did about 50/50. I expected them to to put in their 50%

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Elsebet
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by Elsebet » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:59 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 9:38 am
Friends of ours adopted three children (internationally) in their late 50's. Because the children are all under 18, the parents get Social security payments for each of the children until the child turns 18.
I hope to do something like this at age 55 (13 years from now) if the numbers line up. I would stop working (or get something part-time) and foster/adopt to become a SAHM while my husband kept working to pay expenses and have health insurance until 59.5. I would want to adopt an older child though not an infant.

10YearPlan
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by 10YearPlan » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:25 pm

JBTX wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:13 pm
petrisunset wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:53 am
Hi Bogleheads,
I read a lot on this forum on planning for retirement (particular early retirement) and saving for kid’s education. However, I have not found a post combining both. This should be relevant for people like me who became parents later in life than usual.
Here is my situation: 54 years, married partner 45 years doesn’t work to manage the family; my kids are 11 & 8 years.
I have a well paid job in Silicon Valkey that requires long hours. Danger of burn-out and I would rather like to leave today than tomorrow. House in HCOL Bay-Area is almost paid off and no other debt. Some savings in retirement and taxable accounts (definitely not rich by Silicon Valley standards) that would be sufficient to retire in a lower COL area - IF I wouldn’t have to factor in raising two kids for another 10+ years. I can log in another couple of years in my existing job but not another decade or longer.
Any other older Dads on the forum who would like to share their situation and how they tackle the condundrum of retirement planning & raising kids at the same time?
I agree with Aloha Joe. It is really a question of working longer or spending less. A lot less. Mr Money mustache less. You /kids may want to consider state school or community college. Or have spouse work. Or have spouse work and you find a less stressful gig.

My age and 2 teenagers ages are very close to yours. The differences are my wife works full time, and I saved pretty aggressively in my younger years.
I am a mom, but I was a tad on the older side when I had kids. I am current 49, have two kids aged 11 and 13. We both work FT and always have, outside of two 12 week maternity leaves for me. For us, we plan to retire sometime in our 50s, which means we may not have fully launched kid 2 by then. We could potentially do it sooner, but neither of us is willing to cut way back (a la MMM), forgo vacations, or curtail our kid spending. So instead we will likely work until the youngest is out of High School or so.

In your case, is your wife willing to work some (or even a lot) to make retirement more attainable? That could accelerate your timeline. And at the age of your kids, it would be relatively easy to manage at least a part time job, I'd imagine. Assuming they are at school most of the day, that frees up a lot of time.

actx
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by actx » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:34 pm

I am married and 51 (so is wife). We have:
20 year old sophomore in college
17 year old junior in high school
7 year old in 2nd grade
4 year old in preschool

I may be the old dad here with the youngest child (when he graduates high school I'll be eligible for Medicare!).

The first two kids were bio kids, the second two we adopted (3 years apart) from China.

Our plan was:
1. Pay off the house while saving for retirement (accomplished in 2007)
2. Pay off college (for first two. . didn't know about the second two at the time). . .accomplished in 2005 and 2008.
3, No debt.
4. Save a lot for retirement and other things.
5. New babies come along. . .fund approx 30% of expected costs for college out of the box.
6. Fund two new babies college over time (529, etc).
7. Save, stay out of debt, live reasonably.

I have posted here in the past but we are FI and could RE. I like what I do and am paid well and treated well so I stay. Plan on leaving at 55 but I could stay longer if things continue to go well.

Tips that helped us.. .save a lot, don't go into debt.
Also, unique to us, the 10 year gap between kids really helped us get our plan done. . .

JBTX
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by JBTX » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:49 pm

10YearPlan wrote:
Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:25 pm
JBTX wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:13 pm
petrisunset wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:53 am
Hi Bogleheads,
I read a lot on this forum on planning for retirement (particular early retirement) and saving for kid’s education. However, I have not found a post combining both. This should be relevant for people like me who became parents later in life than usual.
Here is my situation: 54 years, married partner 45 years doesn’t work to manage the family; my kids are 11 & 8 years.
I have a well paid job in Silicon Valkey that requires long hours. Danger of burn-out and I would rather like to leave today than tomorrow. House in HCOL Bay-Area is almost paid off and no other debt. Some savings in retirement and taxable accounts (definitely not rich by Silicon Valley standards) that would be sufficient to retire in a lower COL area - IF I wouldn’t have to factor in raising two kids for another 10+ years. I can log in another couple of years in my existing job but not another decade or longer.
Any other older Dads on the forum who would like to share their situation and how they tackle the condundrum of retirement planning & raising kids at the same time?
I agree with Aloha Joe. It is really a question of working longer or spending less. A lot less. Mr Money mustache less. You /kids may want to consider state school or community college. Or have spouse work. Or have spouse work and you find a less stressful gig.

My age and 2 teenagers ages are very close to yours. The differences are my wife works full time, and I saved pretty aggressively in my younger years.
I am a mom, but I was a tad on the older side when I had kids. I am current 49, have two kids aged 11 and 13. We both work FT and always have, outside of two 12 week maternity leaves for me. For us, we plan to retire sometime in our 50s, which means we may not have fully launched kid 2 by then. We could potentially do it sooner, but neither of us is willing to cut way back (a la MMM), forgo vacations, or curtail our kid spending. So instead we will likely work until the youngest is out of High School or so.

In your case, is your wife willing to work some (or even a lot) to make retirement more attainable? That could accelerate your timeline. And at the age of your kids, it would be relatively easy to manage at least a part time job, I'd imagine. Assuming they are at school most of the day, that frees up a lot of time.
I assume this response was meant for the OP. Sounds like your situation is very similar to ours.

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dm200
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Re: Older Dads - how do you plan for your own retirement while still raising kids?

Post by dm200 » Fri Dec 07, 2018 9:11 am

One big cost or challenge for older parent(s) can be health insurance coverage for children when parent(s) retire.

This can be a big plus for Federal employees and retirees - who have excellent health coverage for families.

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