Who is Right Me or Spouse

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities
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tuffy7222
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Who is Right Me or Spouse

Post by tuffy7222 »

MY yearly Christmas gift for grandchildren is $100 each (4 grandchildren)
One (a male) was married this year and I gave $1,000 cash to him as a wedding gift.
I proposed again to wife we give each $100. My wife said what about the wife of my grandson who was married this year ??? This caused an argument.She said the wife should also get $100
alex_686
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by alex_686 »

Can one be miffed if ones does not get a gift? So no right or wrong answers here.

That being said, by giving all of the other children a gift and not the new wife a gift you are saying that the new wife is not a family member. It is a very clear signal. So I would say give the gift.
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mega317
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by mega317 »

We haven't had a good relationship thread in a while.

It doesn't matter. Do whatever you want to do, and if you can manage I would keep it consistent (i.e. future spouses of other grandkids get the same treatment).
aristotelian
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by aristotelian »

Neither? I think you can stop giving grandkids gifts any time after high school.

I would definitely not give the wife a separate gift.
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mhc
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by mhc »

The wife should get a gift. It could be a combined gift for the two. Why would you not get a gift for your granddaughter-in-law if you give out gifts?
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fposte
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by fposte »

You can give presents to anybody you want to, so there's no right or wrong here. You don't want to; your wife does. How do you usually resolve things when one of you wants something the other doesn't?
mak1277
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by mak1277 »

Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
WildBill
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by WildBill »

Howdy

In general, your wife is always right.

Happy holidays.

W B
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Texanbybirth
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Texanbybirth »

Every situation where this occurs in my family the spouse gets a separate gift. I'd say you're out an extra $100 this year (and going forward). :beer
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rec7
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by rec7 »

No to spouse because then you will have to do that with future spouses to be fair.
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Pacman
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Pacman »

I'm surprised by some of the responses. Continue giving your 4 grandchildren $100 each, and then give the spouses of the grandchildren a token gift (if you want). You don't need to give the spouses of the grandchildren $100 also - that is crazy.
spoco79
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by spoco79 »

My grandfather did the same thing. A crisp $100 bill in a bank envelope.

When I got married, my wife started getting an envelope as well. Now all three of us are married with children, and the great grandchildren get $100 as well. My oldest brother's oldest daughter is expecting a ring for Christmas from her boyfriend. Will he also get $100?
Last edited by spoco79 on Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Ditchwitch
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Ditchwitch »

WildBill wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Howdy

In general, your wife is always right.

Happy holidays.

W B
I will second that...wifey is always right...give the gift consistently so it doesn't cause hurt feelings anywhere if you can afford (and if you couldn't you wouldn't ask) ...remember happy wife, happy family...
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goingup
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by goingup »

mak1277 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
Yes, this is how I handle married nieces. Send a crisp $100 to each of our 4 nieces, now all married and with children. The card reads, "Have pizza on us! Merry Christmas". My oldest niece is 46 now but I can't help but think getting a crisp Benjamin and Season's tidings brings a smile.
SrGrumpy
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by SrGrumpy »

$150, addressed to both - BUT NOT IN CAPS (and your wife can add a tchotchke to the granddaughter-in-law if she feels strongly).
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SmileyFace
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by SmileyFace »

I agree with your wife but I suppose it all depends upon how you view marriage. I view marriage as a bond between families that is as strong as blood.
Thus - since the wife who married your grandson is now married into your family she should be treated equally so she should get the same gift amount (if you can't afford to also give her $100 - drop down all gift amounts to accommodate - give all 5 $80 instead of $100).
H-Town
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by H-Town »

tuffy7222 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:28 pm MY yearly Christmas gift for grandchildren is $100 each (4 grandchildren)
One (a male) was married this year and I gave $1,000 cash to him as a wedding gift.
I proposed again to wife we give each $100. My wife said what about the wife of my grandson who was married this year ??? This caused an argument.She said the wife should also get $100
I agree with your wife. I would include her as well.
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spectec
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by spectec »

I asked my wife.
She agreed with your wife.
So I agree with both of them.
Last edited by spectec on Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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HomerJ
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by HomerJ »

Heh, my wife gets $150 from her father every year, and I get $100.

So I'm a family member, but second-tier. :)

She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together. :)

But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
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tennisplyr
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by tennisplyr »

WildBill wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Howdy

In general, your wife is always right.

Happy holidays.

W B
My wife is always right except when she's wrong 😉
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barnaclebob
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by barnaclebob »

Sounds like you can afford the extra $100. If you don't want to set a precedent that will lead you to spending $800 when the others get married then just address the envelope to both of them. Throw a scratchers lotto ticket in the envelope too.
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HomerJ
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by HomerJ »

fposte wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:36 pm You can give presents to anybody you want to, so there's no right or wrong here. You don't want to; your wife does. How do you usually resolve things when one of you wants something the other doesn't?
Ooh! Ooh! (Raises hand)

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mak1277
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by mak1277 »

HomerJ wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:56 pm Heh, my wife gets $150 from her father every year, and I get $100.

So I'm a family member, but second-tier. :)

She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together. :)

But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
My wife's family is similar...the four sons-in-law get 1/2 of what our wives receive. The gifts we men receive typically get reallocated during our holiday poker games.
NotWhoYouThink
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by NotWhoYouThink »

There is never a good answer to that question. Only Click and Clack could answer questions like that, and they are only heard in re-runs now.

But I would give $100 to the couple. On the other hand, I'm kind of cheap. You are more generous.
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Doom&Gloom
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Doom&Gloom »

If money isn't really an issue, give the spouse (and future spouses) $100 also.

If money is an issue, cut each grandchild off when they get married and send a card to the couple instead.
Pigeye Brewster
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Pigeye Brewster »

My first instinct is to agree with you. But two rules I try to follow are "happy wife, happy life" and "pick your battles carefully", so for $100 I'm going with her.
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pennstater2005
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by pennstater2005 »

Without reading any of this.....your spouse is right :beer
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Sandtrap
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Sandtrap »

This is the same as "Who's on First?"
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Broken Man 1999
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Broken Man 1999 »

If funds are available, gift your new family member the same amount your other family members are receiving. I'm sure she would be hurt a bit if she was left out. If funds are tight, cut everyone back to $50, and give her the same.

I hope to be around when our granddaughters and grandsons find their significant others.

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PugetSoundguy
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by PugetSoundguy »

I think the new grandspouse would be really touched by the sign of inclusion. A nice gesture totally worth $100. Of course your wife is right. 8-) (That assumes of course you have an extra $100, but you didn't mention that a shortage of funds was the problem.)
runner3081
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by runner3081 »

HomerJ wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:56 pm Heh, my wife gets $150 from her father every year, and I get $100.

So I'm a family member, but second-tier. :)

She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together. :)

But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
Same here. $100 to the wife $50 to me.

But I don't really care, I don't like adult gift giving anyways.
gogleheads.orb
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by gogleheads.orb »

mak1277 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
correct!
3funder
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by 3funder »

If you just gave ME the money, you'd be able to wash your hands clean of this...
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RadAudit
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by RadAudit »

gogleheads.orb wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:39 pm
mak1277 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
correct!
+1

They keep score.

You are now splitting money among four sub-family groups. Three singles and one couple. Don't punish the three singles for their decision to remain single, so far.
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by sailaway »

My parents went through a cash for Christmas phase. When I got married, they sent the same amount, with both of our names on the check.

Seems fair that you budget per grandchild, rather than based on each of their personal decisions.
ensign_lee
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by ensign_lee »

mak1277 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
This seems like the easiest and best answer?
HornedToad
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by HornedToad »

mak1277 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
this..
tavore
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by tavore »

WildBill wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Howdy

In general, your wife is always right.

Happy holidays.

W B
+1

But .. I'd give the same amount, and address it to them as a couple. Treat them as a joint entity.
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Jack FFR1846 »

My wife is in charge of all gift giving. I'm sure I've given gifts to people I don't even know.
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staythecourse
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by staythecourse »

Sounds ridiculous but if one of you (usually the wife) has strong social feelings on the decision I would follow her lead. Women are MUCH better then men in understanding social implications (at least between my wife and I). I would defer to her.

Good luck.
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SR II
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by SR II »

RadAudit wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:57 pm
gogleheads.orb wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:39 pm
mak1277 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
correct!
+1

They keep score.

You are now splitting money among four sub-family groups. Three singles and one couple. Don't punish the three singles for their decision to remain single, so far.
+2
Besides, where does it stop?
Olemiss540
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Olemiss540 »

I say you open a 529 in your grandson's name with $200, put a little pressure on them to start having great grandkids!
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Thesaints
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Thesaints »

How are the single grandkids being punished ? They still get their $100 and the extra donation is not likely to push inflation up.
dbr
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by dbr »

alex_686 wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:32 pm Can one be miffed if ones does not get a gift? So no right or wrong answers here.
This isn't a right or wrong question. It is he wants/she wants question. A really good way to resolve such things is let the other person have what they want. If you have to translate this back into right/wrong, your wife is right and you are wrong.
miles monroe
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by miles monroe »

the gift is still $100.

the gift is now given to the couple; not just the grandson.

giving an extra $100 is ridiculous.
Nowizard
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Nowizard »

This is not a monetary decision unless you have a monetary shortage now or anticipate one when the other grandchildren marry or enter a long-term relationship with a SO. You can do what you want, of course, but there is no reason to possibly engender hurt feelings when it is so simple to avoid them. You will get many comments that say do what you want, and that is fine, but emotional intelligence says go with your wife. This is not a decision about who is right or wrong. It is one about what type of relationship you want with your grandchildren's spouses.

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cockersx3
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by cockersx3 »

WildBill wrote: Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm Howdy

In general, your wife is always right.

Happy holidays.

W B
+1. This was my answer before I even opened the thread ;-)
SGM
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by SGM »

The tradition in our family from those who can afford to give gifts has been to give a gift to the grandchild and the spouse of the grandchild. The same went for child and the spouse of a child. This has the effect of considering them both to be equally welcome as family members.
music_man
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by music_man »

We haven't done gifts to adults in my family for several years now, as we all agreed to just do white elephant for adults, then use the money for little kids in the family. When we did exchange gifts among the adults, I've always given a single gift to couples whether it was my brother and his wife, or my aunt and uncle. So, if I were in your shoes, I would give $100 and address it to both the grandson and wife.
Thesaints
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Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE

Post by Thesaints »

Why not give $100 to everyone in the family, wives and girlfriends included, and post about it on “That extravagant thing you do” thread ?
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