Who is Right Me or Spouse
Who is Right Me or Spouse
MY yearly Christmas gift for grandchildren is $100 each (4 grandchildren)
One (a male) was married this year and I gave $1,000 cash to him as a wedding gift.
I proposed again to wife we give each $100. My wife said what about the wife of my grandson who was married this year ??? This caused an argument.She said the wife should also get $100
One (a male) was married this year and I gave $1,000 cash to him as a wedding gift.
I proposed again to wife we give each $100. My wife said what about the wife of my grandson who was married this year ??? This caused an argument.She said the wife should also get $100
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Can one be miffed if ones does not get a gift? So no right or wrong answers here.
That being said, by giving all of the other children a gift and not the new wife a gift you are saying that the new wife is not a family member. It is a very clear signal. So I would say give the gift.
That being said, by giving all of the other children a gift and not the new wife a gift you are saying that the new wife is not a family member. It is a very clear signal. So I would say give the gift.
Former brokerage operations & mutual fund accountant. I hate risk, which is why I study and embrace it.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
We haven't had a good relationship thread in a while.
It doesn't matter. Do whatever you want to do, and if you can manage I would keep it consistent (i.e. future spouses of other grandkids get the same treatment).
It doesn't matter. Do whatever you want to do, and if you can manage I would keep it consistent (i.e. future spouses of other grandkids get the same treatment).
-
- Posts: 12262
- Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2017 7:05 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Neither? I think you can stop giving grandkids gifts any time after high school.
I would definitely not give the wife a separate gift.
I would definitely not give the wife a separate gift.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
The wife should get a gift. It could be a combined gift for the two. Why would you not get a gift for your granddaughter-in-law if you give out gifts?
52% TSM, 23% TISM, 24.5% TBM, 0.5% cash
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
You can give presents to anybody you want to, so there's no right or wrong here. You don't want to; your wife does. How do you usually resolve things when one of you wants something the other doesn't?
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Same $100, just address the card to both of them.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Howdy
In general, your wife is always right.
Happy holidays.
W B
In general, your wife is always right.
Happy holidays.
W B
"Through chances various, through all vicissitudes, we make our way." Virgil, The Aeneid
-
- Posts: 1612
- Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:07 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Every situation where this occurs in my family the spouse gets a separate gift. I'd say you're out an extra $100 this year (and going forward).
“The strong cannot be brave. Only the weak can be brave; and yet again, in practice, only those who can be brave can be trusted, in time of doubt, to be strong.“ - GK Chesterton
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
No to spouse because then you will have to do that with future spouses to be fair.
Disclaimer: You might lose money doing anything I say. Although that was not my intent. |
Favorite song: Sometimes He Whispers Jay Parrack
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I'm surprised by some of the responses. Continue giving your 4 grandchildren $100 each, and then give the spouses of the grandchildren a token gift (if you want). You don't need to give the spouses of the grandchildren $100 also - that is crazy.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
My grandfather did the same thing. A crisp $100 bill in a bank envelope.
When I got married, my wife started getting an envelope as well. Now all three of us are married with children, and the great grandchildren get $100 as well. My oldest brother's oldest daughter is expecting a ring for Christmas from her boyfriend. Will he also get $100?
When I got married, my wife started getting an envelope as well. Now all three of us are married with children, and the great grandchildren get $100 as well. My oldest brother's oldest daughter is expecting a ring for Christmas from her boyfriend. Will he also get $100?
Last edited by spoco79 on Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- Ditchwitch
- Posts: 139
- Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:18 pm
- Location: California
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I will second that...wifey is always right...give the gift consistently so it doesn't cause hurt feelings anywhere if you can afford (and if you couldn't you wouldn't ask) ...remember happy wife, happy family...
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” |
― Albert Einstein
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Yes, this is how I handle married nieces. Send a crisp $100 to each of our 4 nieces, now all married and with children. The card reads, "Have pizza on us! Merry Christmas". My oldest niece is 46 now but I can't help but think getting a crisp Benjamin and Season's tidings brings a smile.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
$150, addressed to both - BUT NOT IN CAPS (and your wife can add a tchotchke to the granddaughter-in-law if she feels strongly).
- SmileyFace
- Posts: 9080
- Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 9:11 am
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I agree with your wife but I suppose it all depends upon how you view marriage. I view marriage as a bond between families that is as strong as blood.
Thus - since the wife who married your grandson is now married into your family she should be treated equally so she should get the same gift amount (if you can't afford to also give her $100 - drop down all gift amounts to accommodate - give all 5 $80 instead of $100).
Thus - since the wife who married your grandson is now married into your family she should be treated equally so she should get the same gift amount (if you can't afford to also give her $100 - drop down all gift amounts to accommodate - give all 5 $80 instead of $100).
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I agree with your wife. I would include her as well.tuffy7222 wrote: ↑Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:28 pm MY yearly Christmas gift for grandchildren is $100 each (4 grandchildren)
One (a male) was married this year and I gave $1,000 cash to him as a wedding gift.
I proposed again to wife we give each $100. My wife said what about the wife of my grandson who was married this year ??? This caused an argument.She said the wife should also get $100
Time is the ultimate currency.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I asked my wife.
She agreed with your wife.
So I agree with both of them.
She agreed with your wife.
So I agree with both of them.
Last edited by spectec on Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. - Will Rogers
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Heh, my wife gets $150 from her father every year, and I get $100.
So I'm a family member, but second-tier.
She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together.
But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
So I'm a family member, but second-tier.
She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together.
But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
- tennisplyr
- Posts: 3700
- Joined: Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:53 pm
- Location: Sarasota, FL
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
My wife is always right except when she's wrong
“Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.” -Retired 13 years 😀
-
- Posts: 5564
- Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:54 am
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Sounds like you can afford the extra $100. If you don't want to set a precedent that will lead you to spending $800 when the others get married then just address the envelope to both of them. Throw a scratchers lotto ticket in the envelope too.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Ooh! Ooh! (Raises hand)
I know the answer! But then again, I've been married nearly 20 years.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
My wife's family is similar...the four sons-in-law get 1/2 of what our wives receive. The gifts we men receive typically get reallocated during our holiday poker games.HomerJ wrote: ↑Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:56 pm Heh, my wife gets $150 from her father every year, and I get $100.
So I'm a family member, but second-tier.
She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together.
But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
-
- Posts: 3589
- Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 3:19 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
There is never a good answer to that question. Only Click and Clack could answer questions like that, and they are only heard in re-runs now.
But I would give $100 to the couple. On the other hand, I'm kind of cheap. You are more generous.
But I would give $100 to the couple. On the other hand, I'm kind of cheap. You are more generous.
- Doom&Gloom
- Posts: 5398
- Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 3:36 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
If money isn't really an issue, give the spouse (and future spouses) $100 also.
If money is an issue, cut each grandchild off when they get married and send a card to the couple instead.
If money is an issue, cut each grandchild off when they get married and send a card to the couple instead.
-
- Posts: 449
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 7:33 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
My first instinct is to agree with you. But two rules I try to follow are "happy wife, happy life" and "pick your battles carefully", so for $100 I'm going with her.
- pennstater2005
- Posts: 2509
- Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:50 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Without reading any of this.....your spouse is right
“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
- Sandtrap
- Posts: 19582
- Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2016 5:32 pm
- Location: Hawaii No Ka Oi - white sandy beaches, N. Arizona 1 mile high.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
This is the same as "Who's on First?"
j
j
-
- Posts: 8620
- Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:31 am
- Location: West coast of Florida, near Champa Bay !
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
If funds are available, gift your new family member the same amount your other family members are receiving. I'm sure she would be hurt a bit if she was left out. If funds are tight, cut everyone back to $50, and give her the same.
I hope to be around when our granddaughters and grandsons find their significant others.
Broken Man 1999
I hope to be around when our granddaughters and grandsons find their significant others.
Broken Man 1999
“If I cannot drink Bourbon and smoke cigars in Heaven then I shall not go." - Mark Twain
-
- Posts: 308
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2012 3:46 pm
- Location: Seattle
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I think the new grandspouse would be really touched by the sign of inclusion. A nice gesture totally worth $100. Of course your wife is right. (That assumes of course you have an extra $100, but you didn't mention that a shortage of funds was the problem.)
-
- Posts: 5978
- Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2016 3:22 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Same here. $100 to the wife $50 to me.HomerJ wrote: ↑Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:56 pm Heh, my wife gets $150 from her father every year, and I get $100.
So I'm a family member, but second-tier.
She has kept my money in her purse until I forget about it about half of the 20 Christmases we've been together.
But... it is nice I'm included in his thoughts.
But I don't really care, I don't like adult gift giving anyways.
-
- Posts: 194
- Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 12:34 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
If you just gave ME the money, you'd be able to wash your hands clean of this...
Global stocks, US bonds, and time.
-
- Posts: 4384
- Joined: Mon May 26, 2008 10:20 am
- Location: Second star on the right and straight on 'til morning
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
+1
They keep score.
You are now splitting money among four sub-family groups. Three singles and one couple. Don't punish the three singles for their decision to remain single, so far.
FI is the best revenge. LBYM. Invest the rest. Stay the course. Die anyway. - PS: The cavalry isn't coming, kids. You are on your own.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
My parents went through a cash for Christmas phase. When I got married, they sent the same amount, with both of our names on the check.
Seems fair that you budget per grandchild, rather than based on each of their personal decisions.
Seems fair that you budget per grandchild, rather than based on each of their personal decisions.
-
- Posts: 531
- Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:03 am
-
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 12:36 am
-
- Posts: 18461
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:05 am
- Location: 26 miles, 385 yards west of Copley Square
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
My wife is in charge of all gift giving. I'm sure I've given gifts to people I don't even know.
Bogle: Smart Beta is stupid
-
- Posts: 6993
- Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:40 am
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Sounds ridiculous but if one of you (usually the wife) has strong social feelings on the decision I would follow her lead. Women are MUCH better then men in understanding social implications (at least between my wife and I). I would defer to her.
Good luck.
Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” |
-Jack Bogle
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
+2RadAudit wrote: ↑Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:57 pm+1
They keep score.
You are now splitting money among four sub-family groups. Three singles and one couple. Don't punish the three singles for their decision to remain single, so far.
Besides, where does it stop?
-
- Posts: 2135
- Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:46 pm
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
I say you open a 529 in your grandson's name with $200, put a little pressure on them to start having great grandkids!
I hold index funds because I do not overestimate my ability to pick stocks OR stock pickers.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
How are the single grandkids being punished ? They still get their $100 and the extra donation is not likely to push inflation up.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
This isn't a right or wrong question. It is he wants/she wants question. A really good way to resolve such things is let the other person have what they want. If you have to translate this back into right/wrong, your wife is right and you are wrong.
-
- Posts: 1290
- Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2014 11:14 am
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
the gift is still $100.
the gift is now given to the couple; not just the grandson.
giving an extra $100 is ridiculous.
the gift is now given to the couple; not just the grandson.
giving an extra $100 is ridiculous.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
This is not a monetary decision unless you have a monetary shortage now or anticipate one when the other grandchildren marry or enter a long-term relationship with a SO. You can do what you want, of course, but there is no reason to possibly engender hurt feelings when it is so simple to avoid them. You will get many comments that say do what you want, and that is fine, but emotional intelligence says go with your wife. This is not a decision about who is right or wrong. It is one about what type of relationship you want with your grandchildren's spouses.
Tim
Tim
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
The tradition in our family from those who can afford to give gifts has been to give a gift to the grandchild and the spouse of the grandchild. The same went for child and the spouse of a child. This has the effect of considering them both to be equally welcome as family members.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
We haven't done gifts to adults in my family for several years now, as we all agreed to just do white elephant for adults, then use the money for little kids in the family. When we did exchange gifts among the adults, I've always given a single gift to couples whether it was my brother and his wife, or my aunt and uncle. So, if I were in your shoes, I would give $100 and address it to both the grandson and wife.
Re: WHO IS RIGHT ME or SPOUSE
Why not give $100 to everyone in the family, wives and girlfriends included, and post about it on “That extravagant thing you do” thread ?