Search found 457 matches

by bluejello
Wed May 01, 2019 1:36 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Babymoon?
Replies: 36
Views: 2880

Re: Babymoon?

I have two small kids. My advice is: do something that you cannot do with small kids. Go somewhere far, do adventurous activities like hiking / diving / climbing if you're into those things, eat out at fancy restaurants. Stay up late at night! You'll be doing that last one too with a baby but it's n...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 1:12 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

A thought experiment. Let's say you continue with your compromise finances as is. You grow old, raise a family. Then: 1) You both pass on. Your husband's individual account is 20x yours. Will it matter? 2) Let's day you get sick at age 85 and need long term care that your individual account cannot ...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:52 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

It is water under the bridge now, but why didn't you discuss this stuff BEFORE you got married? Is there a reason you don't feel comfortable asking him these questions? We did and we have! We discuss these issues a lot, both before and after marriage. We just never reach agreement... Then how did i...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:46 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

researcher wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:43 pm
It is water under the bridge now, but why didn't you discuss this stuff BEFORE you got married?

Is there a reason you don't feel comfortable asking him these questions?
We did and we have! We discuss these issues a lot, both before and after marriage. We just never reach agreement...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:41 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

Just out of curiosity — is there no one on this thread who feels that if one spouse builds a successful career or business, then they should be the primary beneficiary of that hard work and not their spouse? This is my husband's point of view. Take Jeff and Mackenzie Bezos for example. Of course we ...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:38 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

In your recent household budget thread you state that household income is ~$500k, which covers many times your expenses you list there. Where does that number come from? That number is my estimate of the annual business profits that would belong to him (not including what goes to his business partn...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:30 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

I feel like a bit of clarification is needed. You say that most assets outside of the business are in joint accounts, including the salary that he pays himself which is deposited into a joint account, yet 'most asset accumulation is happening in the business.' If that's the case, it doesn't sound q...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:08 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

But you aren't describing separate spending accounts. You are describing is, "Pay pro-rata share of the expenses and then keep ownership of the excess income." Anyone can agree to whatever they want, I guess, but that's not marriage. And if you get a divorce, most states would not honor that arrang...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:06 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

We have been married for 8 years and do separate accounts. We each put 60% of our paycheck into joint account, the rest goes into our personal account. This is enough to pay for all joint bills and a little more. Personal spending comes from your own personal account, joint bills come out of joint ...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:52 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

So when his other businesses failed/lost money, how did he eat and keep a roof over his head? Did you contribute at all? This is also a point of contention. When he was working on these ventures, my paycheck was being deposited into our joint checking account and expenses were being paid out of tha...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:49 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

Out of curiosity, since you relocated for his business which is now doing well, do you just sit at home w/ no money? Does he give you an allowance? No, I didn't mean to paint a picture of a monster. He's very good about taking care of the family. Currently most assets outside of the business are in...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:40 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

delamer wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:34 am
The mechanics matter a lot less than the agreement on joint spending/purposes.
Yes, this is a very good point.
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:37 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

My husband wanted to do separate accounts and keep the majority of assets separate, with a joint account for day-to-day expenses. He argues that you don't have to have joint finances to be a family. It is hard to respond without knowing WHY he wants this. If you can, I'd prefer you explain rather t...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:25 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

Of our retirement assets (we have twice that in taxable assets), 70% are in my name, 30% in my wife's. Of that 30%, I contributed probably 70% of it. While legally in each of our names, and treated that way if one of us passes and for designating beneficiaries, this is OUR money. WE are going to re...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:22 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

We are a one-pot couple, but our views on finances overall are different. My wife is literally addicted to shopping (but she doesn't have champagne tastes), I'm frugal almost to the point of miserdom. My wife has a few minor side hustles, earning ~$4k/yr; that income is put in a totally separate ac...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:15 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

Savings goals are also handled jointly -- once a month or so I'll ask her what her balance is, have her transfer everything but $1Kish from her checking to our joint savings, then I'll do the same and make purchases in our IRAs and brokerage account of that, with the IRAs being done in even splits ...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 11:14 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Re: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

One pot. The reason you have friction is because you have two pots (or three). Get rid of the friction by going to one pot. We've had periods in our marriage where she earned more, periods where he earned more, periods where one person didn't earn at all, and periods where both are very well paid. ...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 05, 2019 10:52 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?
Replies: 183
Views: 8674

Married couples: can you have a team mentality with separate finances?

I'm asking this question because from the beginning of our marriage, my husband and I have differed on our view of how marital finances should work. I grew up in a "one-pot" household where my parents had all joint accounts and thought of all money as "their" money. I think the fact that my parents ...
by bluejello
Wed Apr 03, 2019 1:52 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

What I've noticed is that a lot of my spending urges are based on resolving some emotional need... Have you ever heard of a "financial diet"? I challenge you to go one week without spending a penny. I know you can do it, but you have to plan ahead. whereas my husband's spending urges tend to be abo...
by bluejello
Tue Apr 02, 2019 2:57 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

I don't disagree that eating out is a personal choice, but $800 a month pays for a lot of meals. i don't know where the OP lives, but in my neck of the woods, a nice dinner at a nice restaurants runs us about $70. That would mean the OP would be eating out maybe 10 or 11 times a month, or 2-3 times...
by bluejello
Tue Apr 02, 2019 2:54 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

As others have said, a few items are missing * Taxes & Homeowners Insurance * Savings (529, HSA, 401k/403b, Roth IRA, taxable, etc) * Income & social security taxes * Auto costs seem low. Good point, these are missing. I don't consider IRA contributions, taxes and insurance in our budget because I ...
by bluejello
Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:33 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

OP here. Thanks everyone for the comments. I’m not sure why you are concerned? Somebody criticizing you? Looks quite reasonable to me given your means. Didn’t disclose your tax expense or what your savings budget is, That would complete the picture. The more you make, the more you can spend (if you ...
by bluejello
Thu Mar 28, 2019 3:58 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

Thanks for everyone's feedback. It's good to know that I'm not crazy and that we do spend a lot. To answer a few questions asked earlier: Car costs are very low because we barely use the car. Our neighborhood is very walkable and we walk to work, so we mostly just use it on weekends to take the kids...
by bluejello
Thu Mar 28, 2019 2:31 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

I don't know how you don't know what you spent $560/mo on for "shopping". If we spent that much on average over a 3-month period, I better have a new iPhone or something to show for it. :D My wife is very frugal about kids clothing, and of course grandparents love to buy kids clothes. Sigh. This is...
by bluejello
Thu Mar 28, 2019 2:20 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

The glaring exception is your grocery budget, which is absolutely nuts. Are you eating a paleo diet bought entirely at Whole Foods? :P If so, the good news is that you are paying far too much for a shiny shopping experience and can eat similarly for much less. ETA: Seeing that you are shopping at C...
by bluejello
Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:56 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Re: Is our household budget crazy?

Yeah, some of the numbers are high, but in aggregate you are spending less than 1/4 of your gross income, so what's the problem? You're right, it's not like we're living beyond our means. Yet I have this nagging feeling that we could cut our spending by a significant amount without reducing our qua...
by bluejello
Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:45 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Is our household budget crazy?
Replies: 141
Views: 11885

Is our household budget crazy?

Hi Bogleheads, When I look at our total spending I feel like it's a crazy high number, yet when I drill down into each individual expense it all makes sense and I can't figure out where we're being wasteful. Any help from a second pair of eyes would be appreciated! Family: 2 adults, 2 kids (age 1 an...
by bluejello
Fri Feb 08, 2019 9:30 am
Forum: Investing - Theory, News & General
Topic: To What Degree Does Money Buy Happiness?
Replies: 107
Views: 5127

Re: To What Degree Does Money Buy Happiness?

As many posters have already pointed out, money certainly buys happiness at the bottom of Maslow's pyramid. Not having the money you need for food, shelter, medicine, clothing, and other necessities of life results in a great deal of unhappiness. Beyond that, money can also buy you more happiness bu...
by bluejello
Fri Oct 19, 2018 12:35 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Should we downgrade our house?
Replies: 43
Views: 4105

Re: Should we downgrade our house?

We just moved to a new city (in a new country!) a few months ago. We chose a house that is a 5 minute drive to work (or 15 minute walk) and a 3 minute walk to our son's preschool. The supermarket is also in walking distance, as are various cafes, restaurants, parks & playgrounds. Proximity to work a...
by bluejello
Fri Jul 27, 2018 12:08 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Decision for Stay at Home Wife?
Replies: 84
Views: 3967

Re: Decision for Stay at Home Wife?

What I don't want to happen is that she becomes a SAHM and just becomes "lazy" where she is taking care of the kid, but just staying in the house watching tv and doing "nothing" you know? As a mom of two under 3, this is so far off the mark it's hilarious. After the baby comes, believe me you will ...
by bluejello
Fri Jul 27, 2018 12:00 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Decision for Stay at Home Wife?
Replies: 84
Views: 3967

Re: Decision for Stay at Home Wife?

I'm a mother of two young kids under 3, and recently left my job as a VP at a tech company to be home full-time with the kids. My plan originally was to go back to work at the end of this year (after about 9 months out of the workforce) but I'm already chomping at the bit to start job hunting. A few...
by bluejello
Fri Jun 15, 2018 1:41 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Too much house vs. just enough
Replies: 38
Views: 3938

Re: Too much house vs. just enough

It really depends on your lifestyle and how you use the space. We also have 2 small kids and 3 bedrooms. For us, it works well to have master bedroom, kid's room that they share, and guest room. Our guest room gets used ALL THE TIME — when my husband does late night calls for work, when one of the k...
by bluejello
Wed May 16, 2018 10:16 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Would you send your children to private school in my situation?
Replies: 93
Views: 7690

Re: Would you send your children to private school in my situation?

It entirely depends on the private school. There are some private schools whose reputations and alumni networks do give you a leg up in life, just like Harvard's reputation and alumni network gives you a leg up in life. If the private school you are considering is not one of those sorts of schools,...
by bluejello
Wed May 16, 2018 10:02 am
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: Would you send your children to private school in my situation?
Replies: 93
Views: 7690

Re: Would you send your children to private school in my situation?

You need to dig deeper to make this decision. Visit each of the schools, and look at factors like: 1) What are the other students and parents like, e.g. what kind of peer influence is there? If both schools are in the same community I imagine the population is fairly similar and your kids will proba...
by bluejello
Wed May 09, 2018 3:20 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Do we spend too much on food?
Replies: 71
Views: 7406

Re: Do we spend too much on food?

I don't know about Seattle, but in general you might want to consider what you consider "food" and what you consider household supplies such as cleaning supplies, also pet expense including pet food. That's a really good point! I've never split out my grocery bill into "food" and "non-food", that s...
by bluejello
Thu Apr 26, 2018 10:24 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Ikea Quality
Replies: 37
Views: 3741

Re: Ikea Quality

I've had great experiences with their Stuva series (the one designed for kids) and so-so with Billy. For entryway though, I've found wall hooks and big floor baskets work better than shelves or storage units. You just hang up your bags / hats / coats on the hooks or throw things (shoes, sports equip...
by bluejello
Thu Apr 26, 2018 9:30 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: The Paperless Life
Replies: 45
Views: 4997

Re: The Paperless Life

We've been a paperless family since 2013. LOVE it. Once you get into the habit of being paperless it's very easy. The hardest part is going paperless in the first place. It took me about a week of EXTREMELY tedious scanning to digitize all our paper records — years of tax returns, paystubs, legal st...
by bluejello
Fri Apr 13, 2018 2:56 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: How Far is too Far, Commuting?
Replies: 211
Views: 16723

Re: Work Commute: How far is too far?

Extremely personal decision. Ten years ago, my parents chose to move to a big, beautiful house they loved that also meant increasing their commutes from 25 min to 1 hr commute each way to work (2 hrs each day). They are also in the MD VA DC area. They seem happy with this decision, although my fathe...
by bluejello
Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:39 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: [What UN-frugal thing do you do? What do you splurge on?]
Replies: 567
Views: 43573

Re: Name something you bought that wasn't cheap and glad you did

Everything bed related - king size memory foam mattress, high quality sheets and goose down pillows. Makes getting into bed each night feel like a vacation. Business class when I had to fly a 22+ hour flight at seven months pregnant. Quartz kitchen countertops - gorgeous and zero maintenance. Family...
by bluejello
Tue Mar 20, 2018 9:33 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: conversation about finances/spending with significant other?
Replies: 33
Views: 3121

Re: conversation about finances/spending with significant other?

Every long-term couple has major disagreements. It could be about money, religion, sex, family, how to raise the kids, introvert vs extrovert, desire to live in the city vs the country, neatnik vs. slob, etc. etc. You will never, EVER find someone with whom you are 100% on the same page. My husband ...
by bluejello
Fri Mar 16, 2018 3:13 am
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Large life style creep that was completely worth it
Replies: 112
Views: 16318

Re: Large life style creep that was completely worth it

Yeah... All of that "stuff" is inter-related in that it's merely physical "stuff" that takes up more space and builds the illusion of happiness. Get a bigger house, multiple ones, fill it with more stuff, crazy cars, more misery, more keeping up with joneses who live in the same neighborhood with s...
by bluejello
Thu Mar 15, 2018 8:33 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Large life style creep that was completely worth it
Replies: 112
Views: 16318

Re: Large life style creep that was completely worth it

I personally don’t see the value in a vacation home. When we go on vacation we like to explore new places and would get bored going back to the same place over and over. AirBnB has also made it easy to rent some really gorgeous vacation homes all over the world. We also spend a good chunk of money o...
by bluejello
Sun Mar 11, 2018 12:32 am
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Can I install a new kitchen?
Replies: 19
Views: 1994

Re: Can I install a new kitchen?

Here’s a contrary vote - I find that every time I try to take on a DIY project outside of my comfort zone it ends up costing me way more time AND money AND stress. I inevitably botch the job and end up needing to hire a professional to do it right anyways, after spending a ton on tools and supplies ...
by bluejello
Tue Mar 06, 2018 3:07 am
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Converting old home to open plan layout?
Replies: 45
Views: 4503

Re: Converting old home to open plan layout?

@Sandtrap thanks so much! Let me address your points individually. 1. Is the house on a concrete slab or raised and has a wood floor? If a slab, then trying to plan the kitchen around where the water lines are already existing will save some costs to core and relocate the lines. Concrete house on co...
by bluejello
Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:23 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Converting old home to open plan layout?
Replies: 45
Views: 4503

Re: Converting old home to open plan layout?

Old homes have a certain style about them, why destroy the character by making it something it isn't? Many of us old school traditionalists would suggest you consider buying a different house with an existing floor plan more to your liking. Because the location is amazing (see: 3 minute walk to exc...
by bluejello
Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:20 pm
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Converting old home to open plan layout?
Replies: 45
Views: 4503

Re: Converting old home to open plan layout?

Thanks for all the feedback — although we are not overly concerned with resale at this point, it is very helpful to hear a mix of opinions on open floor plans. I actually also like to have the kitchen somewhat separate from the living and dining rooms, at least by a peninsula or partial wall. It's n...
by bluejello
Mon Mar 05, 2018 3:30 am
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Converting old home to open plan layout?
Replies: 45
Views: 4503

Re: Converting old home to open plan layout?

Did one a few years ago and are super happy with the results. Probably similar style home. Built in the 1940s and removing walls opened things up considerably. No one recognizes the place. Some advice: 1)It will cost more than initially quoted and take longer than originally anticipated. The sooner...
by bluejello
Mon Mar 05, 2018 3:26 am
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Converting old home to open plan layout?
Replies: 45
Views: 4503

Re: Converting old home to open plan layout?

I’d recommend you move in and start to get a feel for the space. Remodel later. Don’t invest much in furniture yet. You’ll make a better remodel decision once you’re more familiar with the house. Not specific to you but my new neighbors remodeled before moving in and didn’t do any of what I would (...
by bluejello
Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:25 am
Forum: Personal Consumer Issues
Topic: Converting old home to open plan layout?
Replies: 45
Views: 4503

Converting old home to open plan layout?

So we are buying an old (1930's) Spanish style single-story bungalow. The location is amazing — 3 minutes walk to an excellent school and a park, 5 minutes walk to stores and restaurants, 5 minutes bike ride to office. The house is in very good shape and has period architectural details which I love...
by bluejello
Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:23 pm
Forum: Personal Finance (Not Investing)
Topic: New Kid Expenses
Replies: 31
Views: 2781

Re: New Kid Expenses

For us, the wife staying home with the kids, giving up her management job cost us about a million and a half. Next would be the education expenses. We had daycare expenses but they were nothing in comparison. Baby furniture, toys, lots of the other things can be used (consignment stores) or gifts f...