Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

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redlbj01
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Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

My DW had some exciting news for me this past weekend, in that we are going to be parents!

First Reaction: :D We always wanted to be parents!
Second Reaction: :) Don't kids cost money???
Current State: :shock: Now what..? :confused

We have been a very frugal couple that last few years, have good paying jobs, own a small home, and save/invest regularly, and are debt free. However, I'm struggling to figure the next steps in preparing for the new member of our family from a financial perspective. My current thoughts are:

(1) Bump up Term Life Insurance, an extra 100 to 200k in case something happens to either one of us, the surviving spouse will have the house paid off, and the kid will have money for college.
(2) Begin looking into ESA for college (can you start investing in these even before the bun is out of the oven yet?). Any suggestions?
(3) Start looking into day care costs as my DW wishes to work full time after the baby comes. She may change her mind, and we have a year's worth of savings in liquid cash so she could take off if she wanted to. She's a teacher so at the very least we'll save money in the summer. Do Daycare's typically have any sort of discount for purchasing in "bulk" months in advance? From what I've seen in our area, the cost of a newborn is around $1,000k a month without breaking a sweat on average.
(4) Also thinking about getting a part time job on the weekends to bring in extra money.

Any additional thoughts from current Parents or Parents to Be is of course appreciated.
guitarguy
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by guitarguy »

Sounds to me like you're in a pretty darn good spot...no debt, good jobs, a year's worth of cash savings.

Others will advise you on the life insurance and such, but I'd scratch the idea of getting a part time job on the weekends unless you absolutely have to. Spend that time at home. Especially if you both have good paying jobs and no debt, and you've been able to save a whole year's salary, working a part time job on the weekends would not be worth it in my book. Do you really think you'll need that extra money that bad?

My wife and I are working on our first too...so I'll be watching your thread and all the advice you get. Congrats! :beer
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touchdowntodd
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by touchdowntodd »

SINCERE congrats .. i hope to feel that one day soon

my only thing to add (congrats on your current situation BTW) would be to look into HSA or FSA options if you arent already .. get $5k of that daycare tax free at least ..
tryin to do this right... thanks guys
Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

Congratulations!

1) Buy 20 year Term Life for both you and your wife equal to 10X salary.
2) Open a 529 plan - I prefer the UTAH 529 plan, there are several others out there as well, like Ohio or perhaps your state offers a tax deduction for their plan. You can name yourself as owner and beneficiary, when you finally get the TIN for your new addition, you can change the beneficiary to your childs name.
3) If you don't have a will, start working on it.
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions
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redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

guitarguy wrote:Sounds to me like you're in a pretty darn good spot...no debt, good jobs, a year's worth of cash savings.

Others will advise you on the life insurance and such, but I'd scratch the idea of getting a part time job on the weekends unless you absolutely have to. Spend that time at home. Especially if you both have good paying jobs and no debt, and you've been able to save a whole year's salary, working a part time job on the weekends would not be worth it in my book. Do you really think you'll need that extra money that bad?

My wife and I are working on our first too...so I'll be watching your thread and all the advice you get. Congrats! :beer

I supposed "good paying" is in the eye of the beholder. In the grand scheme we make very average salaries together, but she get's summers off (teacher) and I have some nice perks at work (sales, company car, etc). We aren't wealthy by any stretch, just cheap :wink:

In terms of the extra money, my wife doesn't want me to do it, but just the extra cash on hand would be nice. I'm debating on it to be honest. If I could bring in an extra $500 to $1000 per month working on the weekend at some retail store stocking shelves, it would make me breath easier. But my wife wants me to actually see me at times... :lol:

Best of luck on your first! :beer
Rodc
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Rodc »

You want to work weekends so your wife can work full time and get no help from you on child rearing? You want to miss out on watching your child grow and develop, even more than will happen with a full time job? Don't you want your child to squeal with delight when you come into the room, because through hours and hours of loving care you have provided you two have an amazing bond? (fixed typo)

Personally I would look to cut non-essential expenses so you two can work fewer, not more hours.

This is a financial board so I understand why you would ask those questions here. But being a father is about 2% financial and 98% more important stuff. Don't lose out - focus on that 98%. Remember, other than breast feeding there is nothing a dad can't do - and should do. You don't get a do-over on those first years (or any years). You will get out of this in proportion to what you put in (more back than in by the way).

1) I don't know your salary but that bump up in insurance might be light.
2) Early savings for college makes it a lot easier. There are multiple approaches, but the key is start early.
3) Good to get a sense of day care costs now, but more importantly quality, and get on the reservation list of one you want. This was more important when the economy was strong, but may still be useful and will reduce the likelihood of a nasty surprise later.

Best of luck! It will be a great and exciting ride.
Last edited by Rodc on Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
We live a world with knowledge of the future markets has less than one significant figure. And people will still and always demand answers to three significant digits.
Rodc
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Rodc »

touchdowntodd wrote:SINCERE congrats .. i hope to feel that one day soon

my only thing to add (congrats on your current situation BTW) would be to look into HSA or FSA options if you arent already .. get $5k of that daycare tax free at least ..
If you are already filing with itemized deductions you can get this at the time you file. I like getting a check every month from my FSA account - send a check to daycare, get one from the FSA. But I could just as easily skip the FSA and adjust my withholding, and include daycare costs when I file.
We live a world with knowledge of the future markets has less than one significant figure. And people will still and always demand answers to three significant digits.
Brody
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Brody »

(1) Bump up Term Life Insurance, an extra 100 to 200k in case something happens to either one of us, the surviving spouse will have the house paid off, and the kid will have money for college.
You may need more additional life insurance than you think that you need. The normal thought process is simply that your income needs to be replaced. It's more complicated because your death most likely impacts her income also and vice versa.

Ex. Mr. and Mrs. Smith are happily married. Their daughter is 5 years old. They make sure that one of them is always at the school events, etc. They also work their schedules so that somebody is able to take their daughter to school and be home after school. If one of them dies, the other will need to work less and will probably earn less money. When a parent dies, it is more important that the other parent is around more. It's not the time to replace the parent with a paid caregiver. In other words, when a parent dies, a child needs more parental time and not less. The good news is that the incremental cost of additional life insurance for a young healthy person is easy to afford.

Don't forget about disability income insurance.
2) Begin looking into ESA for college (can you start investing in these even before the bun is out of the oven yet?). Any suggestions?
Because of small dollar limitations, you'll probaby want a 529 plan instead. However, that should probably be a lower priority item and it may or may not be appropriate at this time.
3) Start looking into day care costs as my DW wishes to work full time after the baby comes.
This is one of those situations where people think that they know what they want, but the reality is that until after the baby arrives, she and you are only guessing. I've seen situations where the mother wanted to go back to work, but the husband refused to go back to work if it meant putting the child in day care.
(4) Also thinking about getting a part time job on the weekends to bring in extra money.
To each, their own. Personally, I dislike that idea. What's the point of having a family if you'll be working all of the time.

Best of luck to you. Being a parent is really amazing.
I am the poster formerly known as Oneanddone.
Brody
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Brody »

But being a father is about 2% financial and 98% more important stuff. Don't lose out - focus on that 98%. Remember, other than breast feeding there is nothing a dad can't do - and should do. You don't get a do-over on those first years (or any years). You will get out of this in proportion to what you put in (more back than in by the way).
Absolutely 100% agree!!!!
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Topic Author
redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

Rodc wrote:You want to work weekends so your wife can work full time and get no help from you on child rearing? You want to miss out on watching your child grow and develop, even more than will happen with a full time job? Don't you want your child to squeal with delight when you come into the room, because through hours and hours of loving care you have provided you two have an amazing job?

Personally I would look to cut non-essential expenses so you two can work fewer, not more hours.

This is a financial board so I understand why you would ask those questions here. But being a father is about 2% financial and 98% more important stuff. Don't lose out - focus on that 98%. Remember, other than breast feeding there is nothing a dad can't do - and should do. You don't get a do-over on those first years (or any years). You will get out of this in proportion to what you put in (more back than in by the way).

1) I don't know your salary but that bump up in insurance might be light.
2) Early savings for college makes it a lot easier. There are multiple approaches, but the key is start early.
3) Good to get a sense of day care costs now, but more importantly quality, and get on the reservation list of one you want. This was more important when the economy was strong, but may still be useful and will reduce the likelihood of a nasty surprise later.

Best of luck! It will be a great and exciting ride.

All good points, I was considering getting a part time job on the weekends while she was pregnant, NOT when she gives birth for the reasons you stated above. She's against it to as I travel to much during the week as is, so it looks like I lose this round. Trust me, I will do everything in my power to help her or what she will let me do at least. It's going to be interesting ride for sure.
sjb19
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by sjb19 »

Rodc wrote:You want to work weekends so your wife can work full time and get no help from you on child rearing? You want to miss out on watching your child grow and develop, even more than will happen with a full time job? Don't you want your child to squeal with delight when you come into the room, because through hours and hours of loving care you have provided you two have an amazing job?

Personally I would look to cut non-essential expenses so you two can work fewer, not more hours.

This is a financial board so I understand why you would ask those questions here. But being a father is about 2% financial and 98% more important stuff. Don't lose out - focus on that 98%. Remember, other than breast feeding there is nothing a dad can't do - and should do. You don't get a do-over on those first years (or any years). You will get out of this in proportion to what you put in (more back than in by the way).

1) I don't know your salary but that bump up in insurance might be light.
2) Early savings for college makes it a lot easier. There are multiple approaches, but the key is start early.
3) Good to get a sense of day care costs now, but more importantly quality, and get on the reservation list of one you want. This was more important when the economy was strong, but may still be useful and will reduce the likelihood of a nasty surprise later.

Best of luck! It will be a great and exciting ride.
Good post. Plan as much as is reasonable and be prepared for your plan to change frequently. Enjoy it.

As for daycare, if I pulled my kids out for the summer it would be very unlikely they could get back in during the next school year. Get a good sense of the supply/demand in your area before that is a part of your plan.
Sam I Am
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Sam I Am »

Message deleted.
Last edited by Sam I Am on Wed Oct 09, 2013 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
elbryn1000
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by elbryn1000 »

review your insurance plan for the next year, assuming birth will be next year. open enrollment is either here or just around the corner. if you have the option to shift to a better plan for the birth year, it might be worthwhile to do so. in our case, it was the difference between a flat $350 payment for the delivery or a 90% covered after deductible. given total charges for birth pre insurance was something around the total of $15k the flat $350 was better.

plan for FSA, some of that baby equipment can be bought with fsa dollars. thermometers, nose freida, humidifier, etc.. too bad the general healthcare stuff is no longer fsa redeemable.

if daycare is the thing, before the baby comes is the best time to go looking at them together. you'll want to find a place that works for both of you and that you agree with. dependent HSA should be looked at if you have the option.

i'd prepare financials as much as possible before the baby actually comes. i honestly would not opt for the work extra shifts unless you can make ends meet. time spent with the kid is well worth the dollars stemming from a second job.

look around your area newspapers, websites etc.. there's often used baby swapmeets and such where you can get great deals on used baby stuff. there's really no need to buy brand spanking new stuff on stuff like clothes, shoes, high chairs, strollers, etc.. the kids dont care what they wear.. at least for awhile. cribs however had a recall and stuff before a certain date cannot be sold.. i'd check that if you go secondhand route. same goes with car seats. they all expire at some point.

oh.. and when you're up at 3:30am because the baby needs to be fed, dont put the coffee in the bottle and the formula in the mug. :)
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redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

Sam I Am wrote:First thing: relax.........

Second thing I would do is think about preparing the nursery, just think, don't do anything. Decide if you want new baby furniture, or used. If you are truly frugal, you might start checking out consignment shops, ebay, craigslist to get a feel for the $$ you might have to lay out to furnish your new baby's room.
If both of you are OK with used furniture, good. If not, I wouldn't worry too much, as people have different ideas about used furniture, and frankly there are much larger things to argue over.

RE your insurance, I would bump it up more than a couple of hundred thousand, and, make sure your wife is insured generously as well. Either parent missing will bring greater expenses into the household. Don't make the mistake of thinking if your wife isn't working you are the only one who needs to be insured.

Also if you don't have an LTD policy, you might want to check into getting one. Life insurance is great, but dead people don't cost anything to maintain. A disabled person might not be able to earn a living, plus they might require assistance and continuing care, a double whammy on a household budget.

I wouldn't worry much about daycare yet, other than getting a feel for what is convenient and what it will cost, so you can mentally budget accordingly. Also, you might cast your eye about and check into the quality of your public schools, soon. If they are of low quality, and you own your own home free and clear, you probably won't get a better opportunity to relocate for better schools than the next few years. So think ahead a bit, not necessary to act on it yet.

Certainly college savings plans would be appropriate, but many require a birth certificate and a Social Security card before a child can be enrolled.

I would echo guitarguy's advice about getting a second job, you would be cheating yourself out of an amazing experience of spending time with your child. If you can swing things without getting a second job, you will be able to enjoy so much more of your child's early growth and development.

I went to college full-time while working full-time as well, and I missed a lot of my children's early years. I didn't realize how much until we started watching our grandchildren during the day. They are a hoot! So, try to be there as much as you can, it will be some of the best times of your life, IMHO.

Congrats, and good luck! :sharebeer

Sam I Am

Thanks for the advice, we don't own our home yet free and clear yet, so not truly debt free in that regard. But no student loans, car payments, etc. Also, the mortgage/insurance payment is less than most apartments,. Like I said, we are pretty frugal so bought a smaller home, but big enough we can grow into with our first child. If we decide to have a second (I'm getting way ahead of myself here), then we will definitely need to move to a larger home in the future.

I've got a small accidental death and disability plan at work. She doesn't. So we may need to look into see if we can get one for her on the open market. Good suggestion.

With our incomes, used furniture is in our future. Not that big of a deal to us frankly.
Brody
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Brody »

I've got a small accidental death and disability plan at work. She doesn't. So we may need to look into see if we can get one for her on the open market. Good suggestion
.

Assume that this is useless unless God has promised that your death will be accidental.
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NoVa Lurker
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by NoVa Lurker »

Lots of great advice here already, especially Rodc's post.

My wife and I had our first child 6 months ago. In our case, he arrived four weeks early, so be ready for that possibility!

Other than daycare, kids can be VERY cheap when they are small -- or very expensive, if you are buying $400+ strollers, brand-new clothes, etc.

We bought our car seat, crib, and a handful of toys new. Pretty much everything else was used or a gift. Consignment sales, craigslist, ebay, and friends/family/neighbors can provide almost everything you'll need, and when your kid outgrows stuff, you pass it on. Disposable diapers and wipes are under $40/month using Amazon Mom.

Meanwhile, we definitely saved money by going out a lot less. Right now, our son is 19 pounds of smiling, laughing, rolling around, free entertainment.

I agree with others that the part-time job idea seems silly. The key is to cut costs while enjoying as much time with your wife and son as you can.
epilnk
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by epilnk »

Start looking at daycare NOW. You need to decide between family daycare and centers, and the only way to do that is to start touring the centers. After you've been to a few you'll get it. Since your wife is a teacher she'll probably appreciate the value of a strong ECE program. But the very best places will have long waitlists, so when you find a place you like, put your name on their waitlist. We got lucky with our first child because our favorite place near our home was opening a new campus near our work, so we scored an opening at exactly the time we needed it. But his brother was on the waitlist for a year and a half, and that was with sibling priority.

Babies don't need much. First time parents are a marketer's dream, because your overwhelming instinctive desire to provide only the best for your precious child turns your brain to mush. Avoid the baby stores as much as possible, because no matter how frugal you are, they will get you somehow.
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touchdowntodd
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by touchdowntodd »

i agree to start looking now .. my mother was set to be my daycare provider as she did this for about 20 years prior to her getting ill and passing .. daycares are a different world, you will need to tour 5-10 of em before you find one you enjoy i imagine ..

also amazon mom as stated is a great deal, and i believe stil has 2 day shipping and great prices on diapers etc

ps - with you doing a 529 i assume your retirement is max'd and taken care of prior to contributing to that? Jr can borrow for college but you cant for retirement after all
tryin to do this right... thanks guys
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Go Blue 99
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Go Blue 99 »

Go to local daycare centers ASAP. Not sure about your city, but here in Atlanta the popular daycare centers have waiting lists of 6 months-2 years.
epilnk
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by epilnk »

After the kid is born it goes like this:
:D :shock: :D :shock: :shock: :yawn :confused :yawn :-( :yawn :-) :yawn :D :confused :D :oops: :D :lol: :lol: :lol
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redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

touchdowntodd wrote:i agree to start looking now .. my mother was set to be my daycare provider as she did this for about 20 years prior to her getting ill and passing .. daycares are a different world, you will need to tour 5-10 of em before you find one you enjoy i imagine ..

also amazon mom as stated is a great deal, and i believe stil has 2 day shipping and great prices on diapers etc

ps - with you doing a 529 i assume your retirement is max'd and taken care of prior to contributing to that? Jr can borrow for college but you cant for retirement after all

We are investing 7% (+4% from company match) into the company 401k, and then maxing out two Vanguard Roth IRAs (around 20%+ of our income total combined with the 401k). We have a long ways to go to max out the 401k to be honest. Based off my conservative estimates (we are only 30 years old), we should be fine for retirement. While I doubt we will be able to pay for all of college for our child, I want there to be something so that don't have loads upon loads of debt.
Last edited by redlbj01 on Mon Nov 07, 2011 1:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Topic Author
redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

elbryn1000 wrote:review your insurance plan for the next year, assuming birth will be next year. open enrollment is either here or just around the corner. if you have the option to shift to a better plan for the birth year, it might be worthwhile to do so. in our case, it was the difference between a flat $350 payment for the delivery or a 90% covered after deductible. given total charges for birth pre insurance was something around the total of $15k the flat $350 was better.

plan for FSA, some of that baby equipment can be bought with fsa dollars. thermometers, nose freida, humidifier, etc.. too bad the general healthcare stuff is no longer fsa redeemable.

if daycare is the thing, before the baby comes is the best time to go looking at them together. you'll want to find a place that works for both of you and that you agree with. dependent HSA should be looked at if you have the option.

i'd prepare financials as much as possible before the baby actually comes. i honestly would not opt for the work extra shifts unless you can make ends meet. time spent with the kid is well worth the dollars stemming from a second job.

look around your area newspapers, websites etc.. there's often used baby swapmeets and such where you can get great deals on used baby stuff. there's really no need to buy brand spanking new stuff on stuff like clothes, shoes, high chairs, strollers, etc.. the kids dont care what they wear.. at least for awhile. cribs however had a recall and stuff before a certain date cannot be sold.. i'd check that if you go secondhand route. same goes with car seats. they all expire at some point.

oh.. and when you're up at 3:30am because the baby needs to be fed, dont put the coffee in the bottle and the formula in the mug. :)
Crap, I literally just did my Open Enrollment this morning! I put money into my HSA thinking that would cover some of the baby stuff, but not into the flex. I'll need to see if I can call HR office and get it adjusted....
Alex Frakt
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Alex Frakt »

See this earlier thread on the same topic: http://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtopic.php?p=504264

My one comment. I wish someone had told me pre-baby just how precious a thing spare time is. The last thing you want to do is spend it trying to squeeze in as many work hours as possible. Use it instead for all the adult activities that you and your wife really enjoy or meant to do someday. I'm talking about things like hanging out with friends, going to restaurants/movies/museums/bookstores/that charming little town 2 hours away. And sleeping in on weekends.
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touchdowntodd
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by touchdowntodd »

redlbj01 wrote:
touchdowntodd wrote:i agree to start looking now .. my mother was set to be my daycare provider as she did this for about 20 years prior to her getting ill and passing .. daycares are a different world, you will need to tour 5-10 of em before you find one you enjoy i imagine ..

also amazon mom as stated is a great deal, and i believe stil has 2 day shipping and great prices on diapers etc

ps - with you doing a 529 i assume your retirement is max'd and taken care of prior to contributing to that? Jr can borrow for college but you cant for retirement after all

We are investing 7% (+4% from company match) into the company 401k, and then maxing out two Vanguard Roth IRAs (around 20%+ of our income total combined with the 401k). We have a long ways to go to max out the 401k to be honest. Based off my conservative estimates (we are only 30 years old), we should be fine for retirement. While I doubt we will be able to pay for all of college for our child, I want there to be something so that don't have loads upon loads of debt.
i would vote for more savings for you my friend ... as opposed to the 529 ... and they dont have to end up with debt, they can get scholarships etc
tryin to do this right... thanks guys
Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

@TouchDownTodd - Scholarships/merit is over-rated, I would not bank on my kid's higher education being bailed out by those programs.
That said, I agree, the parents should take steps to ensure they have sufficient financial liquidity before thinking about any other type of savings/investment program.
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by bungalow10 »

Regarding daycare... have your wife ask other teachers what they do. Some daycare providers want summers off and wouldn't mind if you pulled your kids out.

As others have said, many daycare providers aren't like that. My provider would fill my spot if I took time off and quit paying (and this is my MIL!). Even when my DH was unemployed, we paid daycare so we would be sure to have a spot to go back to.
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Wolkenspiel
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Wolkenspiel »

redlbj01 wrote:My DW had some exciting news for me this past weekend, in that we are going to be parents!

First Reaction: :D We always wanted to be parents!
Second Reaction: :) Don't kids cost money???
Current State: :shock: Now what..? :confused
Congratulations! First advice: Get some sleep while you still can!
(3) Start looking into day care costs as my DW wishes to work full time after the baby comes. She may change her mind, and we have a year's worth of savings in liquid cash so she could take off if she wanted to. She's a teacher so at the very least we'll save money in the summer. Do Daycare's typically have any sort of discount for purchasing in "bulk" months in advance? From what I've seen in our area, the cost of a newborn is around $1,000k a month without breaking a sweat on average.
Any additional thoughts from current Parents or Parents to Be is of course appreciated.
I would recommend doing research on daycare asap. E.g. there are places with wait lists stretching much longer than 9months. $1k/month is not a very high cost region, so this may be easier. However, discounts or taking months of from daycare may not be easy to negotiate. Help from relatives for the first few weeks would be invaluable.
Bruin
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Bruin »

Congrats! From a relative new parent here (1 year old boy), my advice:

1. Today spend as much time now with your wife doing couple things. Take those weekend trips, nice dinners/movies, go to the beach, etc. Also spend quality intimate time with her, (harder to come by when the little one comes). Ignore your personal time, trust me that around the time the baby is born you will have a lot more personal time to do what you want (watch tv, hobbies, play video games). Just think about around the due date while your wife is pregnant and can barely do anything, and you're just sitting around the home waiting for the little one to come.
2. In about 6 months, start thinking about a will and who you would want to take care of your little one if something were to happen to you and your wife.
3. Relatively soon, before open enrollment (usually December) review your health insurance coverage options to see if there is a better plan that will cover the costs of the pregnancy (spend more on the insurance portion to save on the out-of-pocket portion).
4. Sooner rather than later - Review your life insurance and disability insurance to ensure that it accomplishes the intended goals that you would want should something happen to you and/or your wife.
5. Relatively soon - research daycare options. Start asking your friends, ask around for recommendations. By about the 5th-6th month of the pregnancy you should be visiting some of them.
6. Baby crap, don't go overboard! For the babies first month, all you need are (I might have missed somethings): Car seat, diapers, wipes, 5 sets of clothes, some small blankets, a bassinet, some gauze, baby soap, the nose thing, and some healthcare items (baby thermometer). There are a lot more things that are nice to have, or that you think the baby will like, but every baby and parent is different.
7. Assuming you will have a lot of family visiting a lot more frequently now, decide how you and your wife want to handle that.
8. In about 6 months - look into, and eventually start investing in 529 plans.
Last edited by Bruin on Mon Nov 07, 2011 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Yuba
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Yuba »

redlbj01 wrote: Crap, I literally just did my Open Enrollment this morning! I put money into my HSA thinking that would cover some of the baby stuff, but not into the flex. I'll need to see if I can call HR office and get it adjusted....
I wouldn't worry too much about this. Birth of a child is a qualifying event that lets you change your options mid-year.

Rick dba Yuba
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FNK
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by FNK »

Another option that opens up is the tuition tax break for I bonds. Get 20K this year and 10K per year from now on. They simultaneously serve as emergency funds, retirement savings and college savings.
Brody
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Brody »

4. In about 6 months - Review your life insurance and disability insurance to ensure that it accomplishes the intended goals that you would want should something happen to you and/or your wife.
I'm sure that you mean well, but this is not good advice.

His wife is pregnant today. If he dies today, he will still have a wife who is pregnant and will be the mother of his child. Insurance that is needed today should be purchased today. Also, he should be concerned about changes in health. For instance, if he has a doctor's appointment in three weeks, the insurance should be purchased before the appointment.

There are disadvantages to waiting, but without any advantages.
I am the poster formerly known as Oneanddone.
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redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

Brody wrote:
4. In about 6 months - Review your life insurance and disability insurance to ensure that it accomplishes the intended goals that you would want should something happen to you and/or your wife.
I'm sure that you mean well, but this is not good advice.

His wife is pregnant today. If he dies today, he will still have a wife who is pregnant and will be the mother of his child. Insurance that is needed today should be purchased today. Also, he should be concerned about changes in health. For instance, if he has a doctor's appointment in three weeks, the insurance should be purchased before the appointment.

There are disadvantages to waiting, but without any advantages.

I've currently got a 20 year level term life insurance for about $400k on me and about $150k on her. We definitely need to get her's pushed up, and mine could use a slight increase as well. Currently if I were a goner, she be able to pay off the house, and still have a couple 100k to live off of when she replaces me with a better looking and richer husband. :wink:
Bruin
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Bruin »

Brody wrote:
4. In about 6 months - Review your life insurance and disability insurance to ensure that it accomplishes the intended goals that you would want should something happen to you and/or your wife.
I'm sure that you mean well, but this is not good advice.

His wife is pregnant today. If he dies today, he will still have a wife who is pregnant and will be the mother of his child. Insurance that is needed today should be purchased today. Also, he should be concerned about changes in health. For instance, if he has a doctor's appointment in three weeks, the insurance should be purchased before the appointment.

There are disadvantages to waiting, but without any advantages.
Correct, I edited my original post.
Bruin
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Bruin »

redlbj01 wrote:

I've currently got a 20 year level term life insurance for about $400k on me and about $150k on her. We definitely need to get her's pushed up, and mine could use a slight increase as well. Currently if I were a goner, she be able to pay off the house, and still have a couple 100k to live off of when she replaces me with a better looking and richer husband. :wink:
What about disability insurance for when you can no longer work or generate income, but there are still bills that need to be paid to feed, cloth and house you (or worse, health bills related to the disability)?
peppers
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by peppers »

Not financial advice but savor the time when you have them at home. Day care, diapers, sports, band,grade school, high school, college and they move on. Trust me, the time you spend with them and being there for them as a father passes way too quickly. And as expensive and stressful parenting can be you will in the end not trade away one second of it. Congratulations...now begin your journey.
"..the cavalry ain't comin' kid, you're on your own..."
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runner9
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by runner9 »

My wife and I both teach. Daycare wants half rate for every week absent, but over the summer we negociate to pay less to hold his spot. Each August they still have room, but it's good piece of mind.

If you buy baby stuff used make sure it's not recalled, not to old (car seat), etc. I know there are databases of recalled baby stuff, not sure of the site but make sure you check. To many stories of injuries with items recalled years earlier.

Best of luck!
KLM14
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by KLM14 »

You have received some great advice here - let me throw out a few points that are top of mind from our ride for the past 4 years (2 children - 3 1/2 and 5 months):

Time - after the baby, you will never have enough and you will never live again as you did as a couple (while I would not trade my children for anything, but this is a true statement). Enjoy this while you can (I would not work weekends). Do whatever you can now to optimize your life for when the baby arrives. Time as currency becomes as important as $.

Sleep/Sanity - We read every book about preganancy and only in the delivery room did we figure out that we had not read every book about bringing up baby. The most important thing that you can do is ensure that your baby has a great sleep schedule. Baby sleeps = mommy/daddy sleeps = sanity. We read dozens of books and combined them into a sleep strategy and both of our children are wondeerful sleepers. Given that my wife requires 8 hours of sleep to function and is a light sleeper - this became important for us.

Your Network - your parental network will be one of the most important things that you have. Neighborhood blogs, neighborhood mommy groups, Stroller Strides, daycare providers, sitters, pre-schools, night nurses, etc. Start talking now and figure out all of these contacts in order to form up a strategy. My wife got involved in a new mommy group and it has been instrumental over last 3 years and she set-up one when our newest was born. This group of resources will be key to ensuring that you optimize your situation (see money/financial and sleep). Daycare, sitters or nannies - this can sometimes be a mosaic and will change as your children grow, attend pre-school and as your life evolves - we are working through one of these evolution points right now. One of the best things we ever did was set-up a consistent Friday night sitter - this ensures that we have date night at least once a week.

Stuff - like many new parents we bought all the stuff. For the first child, the stuff (like the first birthday) can sometimes be about the parents. It was only as we grew our network, that we learned the amount of stuff that moves around from household to household. Use your neighborhood mommy group, garage sales, school swaps and craigslist to find the stuff sales. You will find gently-used gear (car seats, strollers, bumbos, high chairs, baby bjorns, etc.) and clothes (we have complete $80 infant/baby outfits or toddler outfits purchased for $4 at clothing swaps) and it is all in great shape. I was floored to find the car seat I paid $150 for cost only $25 from down the street when we needed a second/third one. We have friends who unload boxes of wonderful clothes on us (see Simplicity below). The best move we made was to buy all gear in gender neutral colors (think second one). Do look into ways to save on gear/stuff through Amazon (we have all diapers/wipes shipped to front door with free shipping) and through formula providers (by wife found a way to ensure that she never pays for formula through coupon use).

Simplicity - Take a long hard look at your life and what is important to you. Get rid of those things that are no longer important to you or will take time (see time as currency above). Drains on your time and things that have high complexity that will no longer be needed should be purged (managing rental properties, complicated investments, extra stuff in your house, etc). Also, if either of you have a high propensity to accumulate stuff, work on that now. My wife and I became very good at getting rid of those itemes we did not need. Get ready to pass it on to the next family.

Money/Financial - We use Utah 529 (as noted you or wife can be beneficiary before birth of baby), but make sure you are optimizing retirement savings first. Investigate/check life insurance, disability insurance, child tax credits and FSA/HSA. Ensure your will is updated and be ready to decide on who will take care of your children in event of your untimely deaths.

Other - start working with your local hospital on delivery options and training (childbirthing, CPR, breastfeeding, etc) and include grandparents, aunts/uncles and childcare providers (if needed) and investigate pediatricians. We have all of this at one facility close to our home and it has proven to be wonderful.

I wish you all the best. We see oursleves as planners but there is an entire world out there to learn about. Best of luck!!

KLM14
Brody
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Brody »

Parenting advice from someone who had 4 kids in 40 months with no twins:

Don't worry about reading all of the books. The more that you read, the more that they will contradict themselves. I would only recommend one book, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Karp. It is even ok to not read it, but there is one very important concept to keep in mind. The basic concept is to treat the first 3 months as the 4th trimester. Your baby has just spent the last nine months in a tight noisy warm bouncy environment that instantly met everyone of his needs. We then take our kids home from the hospital and wonder why they cry when they are put down on their backs in a quiet room.

The relatives will want to be helpful and stay over. Don't let them. Yes, they will be helpful if you let them and yes you will be able to get sleep. It's just that to some extent you'll be missing out on the incredible experience of being alone with your spouse and new baby.

When it is time to leave the hospital, your reaction will be, "Are you freakin' kidding me. We can't take the baby home. We have no clue what we are doing." You are supposed to have this reaction. New parents don't know what they are doing. It doesn't matter. Your baby won't no that you are doing it "wrong".

Hugs. Kisses. Clean diapers. Food. That's it. Everything else is just noise.

As for the advice that I have just given you, ignore it. Ignore all advice. Everyone means well. Only you know what is best for your kid.
I am the poster formerly known as Oneanddone.
nyblitz
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by nyblitz »

1. I second "The Best Baby on the Block" - it's all about getting your baby to GO TO SLEEP. Worth it's weight in silver and possible gold, unless the bubble bursts.
2. "Baby Bargains" book saved us lots of money and even more time. Need something? Just look it up and they have reviews with rankings. Safety is key component of reviews - funny how sometimes the more expensive products were less safe. Anyway, haven't gone wrong yet.
3. One thing that has changed dramatically in past 30 years or so is the technology of cloth diapering. Your parents likely hate the idea (mine did and in-laws too), but the product has changed. Anyway, if your spouse is on board and you do it the right way, it is cheaper than disposables. Something to possibly consider.
mt
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by mt »

Go buy a nice battery operated baby swing.
Siwash
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Siwash »

You're a very lucky man!

I was VERY surprised at how much I have enjoyed being a father to my son. . . and I wish for more kids (although it looks as though it's not physically possible).

People who bring up the "cost" aspect forget to take into account that you have money in order to use it---and children are enormously valuable and a wonderful, broadening, wisdom-creating thing for anyone. Can't speak highly enough of it! :)
Dandy
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Dandy »

1. Make sure your retirement savings is on track before trying to take care of Jr's education fund. You will probably get
some cash gifts for jr's birth so you should get at least a bank acct for that money (you will need to get Jr a SS number).
2. You are correct that your wife may not want to return to full time work. It is amazing how you can't predict which women
will change their mind and want to stay home with the new born. In many ways it is a life changing event.
3. Don't get another job to supplement income. These are special times and being with wife and child is a better return on your time. You may be surprised how attached you get.
4. You seem overly worried. Hopefully you have family that lives close by - on the whole mothers and mothers in laws are great assets. Billions of people manage to raise children many of them without your fiancial position or education. You will do fine. Enjoy
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Tortoise
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Tortoise »

Congratulations. Lots of good advice.

If your wife is anything like my wife, be prepared for her "nesting" instinct to kick in in around 6 months. She will want everything perfect at home before the delivery. I found that saying "yes dear" and doing whatever she wanted was best. So don't count on having time for a second job before the delivery.

Another thing to look into is a local new mom's group like Las Madres. My wife worked half time (still does) as an aerospace engineer. She said she would have gone crazy during her maternity leave without having other adults to talk to during the day. She made lifelong friends in Las Madres and we still have family get togethers and play dates 10 years later.
"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest." --Mark Twain
dandan14
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by dandan14 »

Congrats....I think you've gotten some good advice above.
From a spending standpoint, you are about to get sucker-punched with everything from cribs, to carseats, and a whole lot in between.
I wrote an article about my experience in an article I called "Frugal Baby 101." Bottom line -- you won't need about 75% of the stuff you are "supposed to buy" -- and what you do need, you can buy used.
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redlbj01
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by redlbj01 »

dandan14 wrote:Congrats....I think you've gotten some good advice above.
From a spending standpoint, you are about to get sucker-punched with everything from cribs, to carseats, and a whole lot in between.
I wrote an article about my experience in an article I called "Frugal Baby 101." Bottom line -- you won't need about 75% of the stuff you are "supposed to buy" -- and what you do need, you can buy used.
Thank You, this is perfect. My head was literally spinning with all of the items the experts say you need to have. Fortunately, my wife is very frugal, and comes from a frugal background, so we should be fine. But is a freakin' jungle out there for a parent to be!!
epilnk
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by epilnk »

redlbj01 wrote:Thank You, this is perfect. My head was literally spinning with all of the items the experts say you need to have. Fortunately, my wife is very frugal, and comes from a frugal background, so we should be fine. But is a freakin' jungle out there for a parent to be!!
You'd be surprised how little you need. Our older son was adopted from Guatemala. When he was 5 months old we got the news that the adoption was final and arranged our leave from work, then hit a passport delay and were unable to bring him home. We went to Guatemala to wait out the process. We had a room and board in a house with a shared kitchen, and lived in a large room that contained our bed, a crib, a table and two chairs, a large object that was once a sofa, and a small bathmat as the sole "rug" on the cold tile floor. No real bathroom, just a toilet stall and a shower stall in the room, each with a curtain, plus a sink. We had a plastic tub to bathe him in, use of the shared highchair in the kitchen (another adoptive family was also staying there) and a little heat via the fireplace. (Those 2 a.m. feedings were COLD!) We brought bottles and some baby clothes that mostly turned out to be too small. That's the sum of our baby gear for that month I think. I carried him on my hip in a sling most of the time simply for lack of someplace to put him down. He learned to sit by being propped between my ankles on the bathmat while I sat behind him on the ex-sofa. Toys were plastic kitchen implements from the grocery store. He accompanied us to the spanish tutor, stores, internet cafes, etc. I learned to belt him onto my lap with the sling so I could use both hands to eat. He wasn't ever out of sight of at least one of us, and rarely out of arms reach.

We had no "stuff", but no baby ever had it so good. That month changed my ideas of how to parent. I wish we could have given an equally wonderful start to our younger son, but sadly he was forced to settle for our well appointed suburban home.
Wannaretireearly
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Re: Just found out that I'm going to be a Father. Now What?

Post by Wannaretireearly »

Rodc wrote:You want to work weekends so your wife can work full time and get no help from you on child rearing? You want to miss out on watching your child grow and develop, even more than will happen with a full time job? Don't you want your child to squeal with delight when you come into the room, because through hours and hours of loving care you have provided you two have an amazing bond? (fixed typo)

Personally I would look to cut non-essential expenses so you two can work fewer, not more hours.

This is a financial board so I understand why you would ask those questions here. But being a father is about 2% financial and 98% more important stuff. Don't lose out - focus on that 98%. Remember, other than breast feeding there is nothing a dad can't do - and should do. You don't get a do-over on those first years (or any years). You will get out of this in proportion to what you put in (more back than in by the way).

1) I don't know your salary but that bump up in insurance might be light.
2) Early savings for college makes it a lot easier. There are multiple approaches, but the key is start early.
3) Good to get a sense of day care costs now, but more importantly quality, and get on the reservation list of one you want. This was more important when the economy was strong, but may still be useful and will reduce the likelihood of a nasty surprise later.

Best of luck! It will be a great and exciting ride.
This great advise. Congrats to the OP, & get all your sleep and couples trips out of the way. It can all be done after, but it will be different!
“At some point you are trading time you will never get back for money you will never spend.“ | “How do you want to spend the best remaining year of your life?“
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