When is it safe to share financial details with gf, future wife

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills.
protagonist
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Re: When is it safe to share financial details with gf, future wife

Post by protagonist »

This may sound flippant, but I think if you have to ask this question, given the importance of financial issues in your life together, and the financial risk of divorce, you probably should not be getting married.

There are many excellent reasons for people to be afraid of marriage, and that is especially true for the wealthier member of the couple, since every marriage involves serious risk. About 50% of marriages end in divorce. About 2/3 of second marriages end in divorce. About 3/4 of third marriages end in divorce. And I assume most people who get married do so out of a feeling of love that will never die, and the idea that "this could never happen to me". I would think that if you are not ready to discuss finances openly and comfortably....eg you have to avoid such a big elephant in the room....you probably shouldn't be legally committing to a life together.
Minot
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Re: When is it safe to share financial details with gf, future wife

Post by Minot »

blueblock wrote:And, okay, I'll go ahead and say it: your post begs the question, how good is the communication between you two? Because it seems weird to me that you're planning to marry someone you obviously don't know that much about.
Huh?!? OP says "we are on the same page as far as LBYM, investing, no debt, early retirement, but we've never shared actual figures...." and from this you conclude that he "obviously [doesn't] know that much about" her?? I don't read it that way at all; I read that he has a pretty clear idea of her financial values, but not her net worth, which strikes me as being fairly well down the road in knowing someone in the financial area--and we have no information whatsoever regarding how much he does or doesn't know about the rest of who she is, since it isn't relevant to his question.
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TxAg
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Re: When is it safe to share financial details with gf, future wife

Post by TxAg »

protagonist wrote:This may sound flippant, but I think if you have to ask this question, given the importance of financial issues in your life together, and the financial risk of divorce, you probably should not be getting married.

There are many excellent reasons for people to be afraid of marriage, and that is especially true for the wealthier member of the couple, since every marriage involves serious risk. About 50% of marriages end in divorce. About 2/3 of second marriages end in divorce. About 3/4 of third marriages end in divorce. And I assume most people who get married do so out of a feeling of love that will never die, and the idea that "this could never happen to me". I would think that if you are not ready to discuss finances openly and comfortably....eg you have to avoid such a big elephant in the room....you probably shouldn't be legally committing to a life together.
As I understand it, the 50% rate is inaccurate because many people get married and divorced more than once. The 2/3 and 3/4 that you speak of are incorrectly built into the often quoted 50%. These are the same people (generally speaking) that are simply prone to divorce so they run up the average. The rate goes down considerably for couples over 25 and college educated.
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LadyGeek
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Re: When is it safe to share financial details with gf, future wife

Post by LadyGeek »

A removed a number of off-topic posts related to the husband / wife relationship, along with some sexist comments; continuity is lost. This thread has run its course and is locked (distress to community, no added value to continue). See: Forum Policy
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