Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card debt
Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card debt
My mother in law raked up $3K in debt paying vet fees for her dying dog. She's in her 60s and receiving social security, disability and pension.
Will there be any consequences to her if she does not address this debt or should I just pay this off for her? (E.g. will her SS be garnished? Will this possibly impact me and my husband in any other way?) Or will the consequence just be her credit gets shot and she never pays it back? No assets and income except for the above, as they would say poor as a churchmouse.
Any feedback will be helpful. Thank you! I can gift her the 3K, just wanted to know what happens if I don't. I rather address it before it balloons to a large sum and I can't manage it for her. Thanks!
-- Having gotten feedback I think we'll just pay it off for her. She generally lives within her means but relies on us for additional supplement from time to time. I think this is one of the times we just have to bite the bullet. Thanks again
Will there be any consequences to her if she does not address this debt or should I just pay this off for her? (E.g. will her SS be garnished? Will this possibly impact me and my husband in any other way?) Or will the consequence just be her credit gets shot and she never pays it back? No assets and income except for the above, as they would say poor as a churchmouse.
Any feedback will be helpful. Thank you! I can gift her the 3K, just wanted to know what happens if I don't. I rather address it before it balloons to a large sum and I can't manage it for her. Thanks!
-- Having gotten feedback I think we'll just pay it off for her. She generally lives within her means but relies on us for additional supplement from time to time. I think this is one of the times we just have to bite the bullet. Thanks again
Last edited by SoCalGal on Mon Sep 15, 2014 4:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
You will need a lot more info on your MIL's income and assets to accurately answer this question. In most cases, SS is protected from garnishment by creditors.
It sounds like your MIL spent the money on a worthy cause, and is otherwise not extravagant. If that's true, I would be inclined to be charitable and pay it off for her.
It sounds like your MIL spent the money on a worthy cause, and is otherwise not extravagant. If that's true, I would be inclined to be charitable and pay it off for her.
- FelixTheCat
- Posts: 2035
- Joined: Sat Sep 24, 2011 12:39 am
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
I am a strong believer in paying back money you borrowed. She can make the minimum payments (but I advise paying it off) to her credit card.SoCalGal wrote:Will there be any consequences to her if she does not address this debt or should I just pay this off for her? (E.g. will her SS be garnished? Will this possibly impact me and my husband in any other way?) Or will the consequence just be her credit gets shot and she never pays it back? No assets and income except for the above, as they would say poor as a churchmouse.
Credit cards are unsecured loans. If she doesn't pay it back, the account will go into collections and she will have a ding on her credit. That's all.
Felix is a wonderful, wonderful cat.
-
- Posts: 2985
- Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:41 am
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
What does your husband say?
Ralph
Ralph
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
52% TSM, 23% TISM, 24.5% TBM, 0.5% cash
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Social security cannot be garnished by anyone except the government.
http://www.bankrate.com/finance/retirem ... hed-1.aspx
By the way, I am starting to sound like sscritic, but that took me about 30 seconds to find on Google by typing in "social security garnishment."
http://www.bankrate.com/finance/retirem ... hed-1.aspx
By the way, I am starting to sound like sscritic, but that took me about 30 seconds to find on Google by typing in "social security garnishment."
-
- Posts: 2628
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:43 am
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Honest question
And I am not saying don't pay it off.
But if she is "poor as a church mouse", by what logic does she go deep into debt on a dying pet?
If she had asked for the 3k up front would you give it to her?
Does having a pet cause your brains to fall out?
What if She needs the money for her care?
I would suggest there might be some room here for negotiation on the debt.
And I am not saying don't pay it off.
But if she is "poor as a church mouse", by what logic does she go deep into debt on a dying pet?
If she had asked for the 3k up front would you give it to her?
Does having a pet cause your brains to fall out?
What if She needs the money for her care?
I would suggest there might be some room here for negotiation on the debt.
-
- Posts: 2094
- Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2014 4:18 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Pay it off for her. Pets are children to some people. I'd bankrupt myself to help one of my pets. It's not like she blew it on jewelry.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
dolphinsaremammals wrote:Pay it off for her. Pets are children to some people. I'd bankrupt myself to help one of my pets. It's not like she blew it on jewelry.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
+1 I totally agree
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
It will take a long time and cost a lot of money to pay off CC debt using only minimum payments. It is also not good for you to pay her bills if this will just happen over an over.
But yes, sometimes our brains do fall out when we have a pet, so if this is not going to be a reoccurring issue, maybe you could pay the bill and let her pay you back over a 1 or 2 year period. That way she doesn't ruin her credit, which could also be beneficial to you at some point in time.
But yes, sometimes our brains do fall out when we have a pet, so if this is not going to be a reoccurring issue, maybe you could pay the bill and let her pay you back over a 1 or 2 year period. That way she doesn't ruin her credit, which could also be beneficial to you at some point in time.
Link to Asking Portfolio Questions
-
- Posts: 5586
- Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:54 am
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
You cannot mean this seriously. Pets are not children no matter what anyone says, no one would put a pet before a child. And bankrupting yourself for a pet is putting a pet ahead of your (human) family.dolphinsaremammals wrote:Pay it off for her. Pets are children to some people. I'd bankrupt myself to help one of my pets. It's not like she blew it on jewelry.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
The problem is she was spending money to unintentionally selfishly keep a pet alive for another few months, its not responsible. But if its a one off and she doesn't have more aging pets left then maybe it wouldn't hurt to pay it off just so she doesn't have to worry.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
How could you possibly know that? The facts could be entirely different.barnaclebob wrote:The problem is she was spending money to unintentionally selfishly keep a pet alive for another few months, its not responsible.
Link to Asking Portfolio Questions
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
My pet does not go before my children, fortunately for my pet I don't have any children, so he is pretty high on the totem pole, so to speak.barnaclebob wrote:You cannot mean this seriously. Pets are not children no matter what anyone says, no one would put a pet before a child. And bankrupting yourself for a pet is putting a pet ahead of your (human) family.dolphinsaremammals wrote:Pay it off for her. Pets are children to some people. I'd bankrupt myself to help one of my pets. It's not like she blew it on jewelry.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
The problem is she was spending money to selfishly keep a pet alive for another few months, its not responsible. But if its a one off and she doesn't have more aging pets left then maybe it wouldn't hurt to pay it off just so she doesn't have to worry.
on edit:
Back to the original question:
As long as the MIL doesn't have a habit of making decisions that constantly keep her in debt I don't see a problem with helping out. If it were a human that had serious medical expenses no one would bat an eye if someone were to have a plate lunch/ donation drive to help pay the costs.
-
- Posts: 3611
- Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 8:02 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Apparently you don't know very many pet owners.barnaclebob wrote:You cannot mean this seriously. Pets are not children no matter what anyone says, no one would put a pet before a child. And bankrupting yourself for a pet is putting a pet ahead of your (human) family.dolphinsaremammals wrote:Pay it off for her. Pets are children to some people. I'd bankrupt myself to help one of my pets. It's not like she blew it on jewelry.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
The problem is she was spending money to unintentionally selfishly keep a pet alive for another few months, its not responsible. But if its a one off and she doesn't have more aging pets left then maybe it wouldn't hurt to pay it off just so she doesn't have to worry.
In theory, theory and practice are identical. In practice, they often differ.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
+1 If she has no other debt, she is generally living within her means. If I was in your shoes, I, too, would pay it off.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
- ResearchMed
- Posts: 16795
- Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:25 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
This is your husband's mother, right?ralph124cf wrote:What does your husband say?
Ralph
If he agrees, and this is NOT a pattern MIL has, and you can afford the $3k, then just pay it off.
Or, if all three of you would feel better about it, let her pay you a small amount per month, indefinitely. Better than paying charge card interest.
(I assume no one is considering stiffing the vet him/herself, if vet was kind enough to provide these services on credit without requiring a charge card number? The vet might also accept a short payment plan, if the $3k stings a bit much in a single payment. Usually, they just want to know they'll get paid for the services they already provided.)
RM
This signature is a placebo. You are in the control group.
-
- Posts: 941
- Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 1:49 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
+1ResearchMed wrote:This is your husband's mother, right?ralph124cf wrote:What does your husband say?
Ralph
If he agrees, and this is NOT a pattern MIL has, and you can afford the $3k, then just pay it off.
Or, if all three of you would feel better about it, let her pay you a small amount per month, indefinitely. Better than paying charge card interest.
(I assume no one is considering stiffing the vet him/herself, if vet was kind enough to provide these services on credit without requiring a charge card number? The vet might also accept a short payment plan, if the $3k stings a bit much in a single payment. Usually, they just want to know they'll get paid for the services they already provided.)
RM
As a pet owner, I know how stressful an ill pet can be - and it is a very emotional time. If she is otherwise responsible and you can afford it (and your husband is in agreement) pay it off for her.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
One option is to pay the debt off for her and let her pay you back at no interest. Certainly if you have the money and she is poor, then paying it off is great. However, some people take pride in paying off their debts, so maybe you could have a conversation about it.
" Mom, we are so sorry for the loss of fluffy, and we understand that the debt that resulted is causing you some financial hardship. We would be happy to take care of that for you. If you like, you can pay us back, but we are happy to make it a gift if that would be difficult for you."
Then, never mention the debt again, if she gives you money, great, if not, don't worry about it.
Mike
" Mom, we are so sorry for the loss of fluffy, and we understand that the debt that resulted is causing you some financial hardship. We would be happy to take care of that for you. If you like, you can pay us back, but we are happy to make it a gift if that would be difficult for you."
Then, never mention the debt again, if she gives you money, great, if not, don't worry about it.
Mike
-
- Posts: 241
- Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2014 4:45 pm
- Location: Philadelphia PA
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
As a pet owner, let me say "logic" usually doesn't play into it. My dog is almost like a child to me, I know that's hard for non dog owners to understand but what can I say.Professor Emeritus wrote:Honest question
And I am not saying don't pay it off.
But if she is "poor as a church mouse", by what logic does she go deep into debt on a dying pet?
If she had asked for the 3k up front would you give it to her?
Does having a pet cause your brains to fall out?
What if She needs the money for her care?
I would suggest there might be some room here for negotiation on the debt.
Now I don't "rank" the people and animals in my life so my pet is equally as important to my life as my kids and husband.
so yeah I guess having pets do make my brains fall out.
He developed diabetes and then went blind from cataracts. doggie eye surgery 8K. on the credit card. LOL you should have seen me Professor, grown women bawling like a baby in the middle of Univ of Penn vet center. crying "save my baby, save my baby". I can honestly say I would have mortgage the house and spent my 401K to save ole hobbes.
Personally I don't want money if all I do is use it on "me". I hope to god I never become that self serving or selfish. I don't ever want to be a person who thinks money is more important than a living thing.
"He who dies with the most toys is still, nonetheless dead"
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
You are in no position to judge where someone else places a pet on their list of priorities.barnaclebob wrote:You cannot mean this seriously. Pets are not children no matter what anyone says, no one would put a pet before a child. And bankrupting yourself for a pet is putting a pet ahead of your (human) family.dolphinsaremammals wrote:Pay it off for her. Pets are children to some people. I'd bankrupt myself to help one of my pets. It's not like she blew it on jewelry.mhc wrote:If this is a one off event for your mother in law, then paying off the CC for her is merely an act of kindness. It is always good to show kindness and compassion.
The problem is she was spending money to unintentionally selfishly keep a pet alive for another few months, its not responsible. But if its a one off and she doesn't have more aging pets left then maybe it wouldn't hurt to pay it off just so she doesn't have to worry.
cheers ... -Mark |
"Our life is frittered away with detail. Simplify. Simplify." -Henry David Thoreau |
[VTI, VXUS, BND, VTEB, SV fund]
-
- Posts: 2094
- Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2014 4:18 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
I hope Hobbes is doing well. He looks like a sweet doggie.
I won't tell the Professor what I spent on my cat who had feline pancreatitis back before vets knew about using steroids and B-12. It is still a vicious disease in its severe form. The Professor would have a cerebral hemorrhage.
I won't tell the Professor what I spent on my cat who had feline pancreatitis back before vets knew about using steroids and B-12. It is still a vicious disease in its severe form. The Professor would have a cerebral hemorrhage.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
My partner and I wholeheartedly agree we would spend whatever it took if it would save our sweet Mason (pictured right). Sweetest dog ever.dolphinsaremammals wrote:I hope Hobbes is doing well. He looks like a sweet doggie.
I won't tell the Professor what I spent on my cat who had feline pancreatitis back before vets knew about using steroids and B-12. It is still a vicious disease in its severe form. The Professor would have a cerebral hemorrhage.
cheers ... -Mark
cheers ... -Mark |
"Our life is frittered away with detail. Simplify. Simplify." -Henry David Thoreau |
[VTI, VXUS, BND, VTEB, SV fund]
-
- Posts: 878
- Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 7:01 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Pay it and move on, assuming that it's economically feasible for you. A discussion with the vet, explaining that you're considering paying the bill might result in a discounted balance due, or at least a schedule of periodic payments if that would be more convenient for you. But just knowing that you've done the right thing will continue to be worth far more to you and DH than the 3K could ever be. Good luck!
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
If you can afford to pay the bill -- do so with no strings other than taking care of family.
Caveats: I would spend a lot more than $3K on my dog if it would keep him happily with us for a few years longer and I contribute money every month to help my mom live in a retirement apartment with a noon meal and social activities to keep her active. You can't take it with you (YCTIWY)
Caveats: I would spend a lot more than $3K on my dog if it would keep him happily with us for a few years longer and I contribute money every month to help my mom live in a retirement apartment with a noon meal and social activities to keep her active. You can't take it with you (YCTIWY)
Warning: I am about 80% satisficer (accepting of good enough) and 20% maximizer
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
There are many ways of looking at this..
For a relatively modest amount of $3,000 - and she makes even minimum payments - I can't see this ballooning into a bigger problem.
If you just pay it off - what is the increased risk that she will then just run it up again to that level?
Let me also make just one observation/opinion about priorities and spending large amounts on pet medical expenses - I see a huge difference in someone deciding to spend a large (or huge) amount of THEIR money on/for a pet AND running up a large/huge bill/debt for the same "priority" and needing/expecting someone else to pay. In other words, if YOUR priority results in MY paying the bill - then I believe I have every right to express my opinion about that "priority" of yours.
For a relatively modest amount of $3,000 - and she makes even minimum payments - I can't see this ballooning into a bigger problem.
If you just pay it off - what is the increased risk that she will then just run it up again to that level?
Let me also make just one observation/opinion about priorities and spending large amounts on pet medical expenses - I see a huge difference in someone deciding to spend a large (or huge) amount of THEIR money on/for a pet AND running up a large/huge bill/debt for the same "priority" and needing/expecting someone else to pay. In other words, if YOUR priority results in MY paying the bill - then I believe I have every right to express my opinion about that "priority" of yours.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
There are two kinds of people in the world.
1. People who treat their pets like a member of their family.
2. Everyone else.
Neither side will ever understand the motives of the other.
The only thing I'll say on that matter is after having witnessed the death of my mother to breast cancer and the death of my in-laws very old and sick dog, we as a society are a lot less cruel to animals in their final days than we are to people.
Regarding what to do; if $3k is de minimis to you I would just pay it.
1. People who treat their pets like a member of their family.
2. Everyone else.
Neither side will ever understand the motives of the other.
The only thing I'll say on that matter is after having witnessed the death of my mother to breast cancer and the death of my in-laws very old and sick dog, we as a society are a lot less cruel to animals in their final days than we are to people.
Regarding what to do; if $3k is de minimis to you I would just pay it.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
If she's a good responsible person whom you love, and 3k will not affect your finances in a material way, then just give it to her.
-
- Posts: 260
- Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 3:19 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Rather than racking up credit card debt that she cannot pay back, you might suggest that she instead come to you directly in the future. I'm guessing you would have gladly paid the vet fees yourself.SoCalGal wrote:My mother in law raked up $3K in debt paying vet fees for her dying dog.
Perhaps she should give up her credit card altogether?
-
- Posts: 260
- Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 3:19 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Looks like a sweet dog!avenger wrote:My partner and I wholeheartedly agree we would spend whatever it took if it would save our sweet Mason (pictured right). Sweetest dog ever.
However, the real question isn't "would you spend whatever it took?", but rather "should you spend money that you don't have and cannot/will not repay?"
(And sadly it doesn't sound like the pet was actually "saved")
-
- Posts: 260
- Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 3:19 pm
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Well said!dm200 wrote:Let me also make just one observation/opinion about priorities and spending large amounts on pet medical expenses - I see a huge difference in someone deciding to spend a large (or huge) amount of THEIR money on/for a pet AND running up a large/huge bill/debt for the same "priority" and needing/expecting someone else to pay. In other words, if YOUR priority results in MY paying the bill - then I believe I have every right to express my opinion about that "priority" of yours.
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
Fortunately I don't think I will have to ever be in that position.jstrazzere wrote:Looks like a sweet dog!avenger wrote:My partner and I wholeheartedly agree we would spend whatever it took if it would save our sweet Mason (pictured right). Sweetest dog ever.
However, the real question isn't "would you spend whatever it took?", but rather "should you spend money that you don't have and cannot/will not repay?"
(And sadly it doesn't sound like the pet was actually "saved")
Mark
cheers ... -Mark |
"Our life is frittered away with detail. Simplify. Simplify." -Henry David Thoreau |
[VTI, VXUS, BND, VTEB, SV fund]
Re: Should I step in to help my in law pay off credit card d
The OP has edited the first post.
We're now discussing ethical decisions which cannot be resolved. Let's call this thread done. This thread has run its course and is locked. See: Forum PolicySoCalGal wrote:-- Having gotten feedback I think we'll just pay it off for her. She generally lives within her means but relies on us for additional supplement from time to time. I think this is one of the times we just have to bite the bullet. Thanks again
Locked Topics
Moderators or site admins may lock a topic (set it so no more replies may be added) when a violation of posting policy has occurred. Occasionally, even if there are no overt violations of posting policy, a topic (or thread) will reach a point where the information content of the discussion has been essentially exhausted and further replies are much more likely to cause distress to the community than add anything of value.