Would you retire [to a tropical island with kids]?

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anonforthis
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Would you retire [to a tropical island with kids]?

Post by anonforthis »

[note - second thread on same topic was merged into this one for clarity, first post of second thread starts here - admin alex]

I grew up in a small tropical island with about 80K population today. The weather is nice 72-80 degree all year round and nice beaches. There are still not a lot of tourist know about this island so the cost of living is very low. I came back last year and it is still very nice. We can live very comfortable on less than $25 a day including food and housing. The home we are looking is ocean view and renting out for less than $300 a month. We have to pay our own gas and electricity but that won't be much since the weather is nice. We have 2 children under 3. I just turned 34 and my husband just turned 53. My husband thinks that we should live there and enjoy life. If we sell our home and the savings, we will have about 350K. We will leave our retirement accounts alone which about 150K. My husband plan is to live off 350K for the next 10 years then apply for social security when he turns 62. He will get about 2K in social security. I maybe able to find a job there and probably make about $500 a month. I came to US when I was 17 and I like it here in America. I am making 60K right now. My husband is American, born and raised in the mid west. My husband believes life is better there than here. He works a lot of hours and making between 85K-90K. He is tiring of America. I don't mind to go back to my country since I know the culture and the language but I'm worried about my kids future and my future also. If I move back, I won't be able to build my social security account and 401K . While the school system from pre-k to high school is much better than public school in United States, the university system over there is not as good as America. My husband insists that we make the move next year. I'm not so sure about it. Without kids, I would move back in a heart beat. Your thoughts?
DTSC
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by DTSC »

Even if money is no issue at all, what would you do all day? Home school your children?
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

DTSC wrote:Even if money is no issue at all, what would you do all day? Home school your children?

No, we will not home school our children doesn't matter where we live here or back home.
Texas hold em71
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Texas hold em71 »

Your children are citizens of both countries and can choose to come to university in the U.S., right?

Have you looked into whether you would be able to apply for spousal benefits on your husband's work history?
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Watty
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Watty »

How long has your husband spent there? Being there for a few weeks is a lot different than living there for a long time. It would be good if you could spend at least a couple of months living there before deciding he wants to move there.

Depending on what type of work he does it might be difficult for a 53 year old to find work if he quits his job and moves there and you decide to return in a year or two.

Are you a US citizen? If not then it might not be easy for you to get the visa's to come back if you want to some day if you survive him or you get divorced.

In addition to all the practical questions this is a huge decisions so you might consider getting couples counseling to talk over what it would mean to move.
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cheese_breath
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by cheese_breath »

There are so many unknowns I don’t know if anyone could give you good advice. For example…

• Your husband is right at the age when many of us men want to chuck it all and move to a desert isle. But how well would someone used to a faster lifestyle and all the ‘stuff’ a higher salary can provide adapt? Some may do fine, but others might find thirty years of paradise extremely boring.
• If it doesn’t work out could you afford to return to the states after spending down your house proceeds?
• What if tourists discover your island and the cost of living skyrockets?
• Even if your children are able to obtain generous scholarships and loans would you be able to help fill any holes financially?

On the other hand what if just the opposite happens?
• You, husband, and kids love the island life and never want to return to U.S.?
• Taxes and cost of living skyrocket in U.S.?
• American higher education system degrades?
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.
wander
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by wander »

anonforthis wrote:Without kids, I would move back in a heart beat. Your thoughts?
I think you already have the answer. If you move back home now, you cannot afford to send your kids to universities in the future.
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in_reality
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by in_reality »

anonforthis wrote:The home we are looking is ocean view and renting out for less than $300 a month.
It's at the top of a hill so there is no tsunami risk right? And how are the tropical storms?

Oh it sounds lovely though. I bet the people are friendly. I'd be really tempted myself...

How is the medical care?
westcoast
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by westcoast »

Which country is it?
placeholder
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by placeholder »

No because part of retirement planning is to spend more time with family and they are for the most part where I am now.
Caduceus
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Caduceus »

How would healthcare work in your case?
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

Thank you everyone. I'm American citizen. My husband only been there for a week but insisted that he would love to live there forever. If it doesn't work out, we would be okay to return back home due to the fact that all of my family is in the US. We could live with them for free for a few years to get jobs. Tourists have already discovered our island however I'm native I can find bargain because I can speak the language and know the island inside out. My problem with this move is that I want my children to experience a fast life culture in America. The life in the island will be slow and that will create laziness in children I believe. If we move, there is no way we could afford college tuition for them here in US. I think we are selfish to move because life here in America is great so far. I'm worried about my kids future the most. My husband isn't worried because he believes America will only get worse. There are no tropical torms or tsunami risk, not as I know of anyway. Im making 60k here therefore it's hard for me to walk away. I'm only 34. While I like the people, the weather, the ocean, there is no future for us there once my husband dies. We will have to return to America and start over again.
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

The island has public health care hospitals however, for $10 you can skip the line and have all the access to private doctors and hospitals.
LordB
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by LordB »

anonforthis wrote:The island has public health care hospitals however, for $10 you can skip the line and have all the access to private doctors and hospitals.
Does it have health care even for non-citizens which I assume your husband and possibly kids would be?

Generally there are rules etc. to prevent people from coming from other countries and getting free health care.

IMO the biggest problem here is going to be the kids + keep in mind odds are even if your husband enjoys living there odds are he is going to have to go back to the USA at various points. While many friends might come visit you there consider weddings and funerals and similar things. I also would be really wary of believing that you can live there comfortably for all the years.

Personally I would not then again I am not brave about such things. A lot can happen in the 15 years when your kids are old enough to go out on their own and even more can happen in the 30 years your husband will live and the 50+ years you will be living. At the very least I would buy the house not rent as if it gets really touristy then at least you will presumably have the house go up in value as you live there rather than your housing costs skyrocketing (assuming you can get decent insurance for hurricane etc).
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market timer
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by market timer »

At the age of 34, I'd rather have more money than $350K for retirement, even if the cost of living is low currently. Inflation might be high on your tropical island, especially if it is discovered by tourists. At a minimum, I'd want a paid-off house on that island (inflation hedge) and $500K in investments. Also, I'm not an expert on Social Security, but it might be advantageous in this situation for your spouse to wait until age 70 to claim benefits, given your long life expectancy as a beneficiary.
Professor Emeritus
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Professor Emeritus »

IMHO You said it all when you said "I just turned 34 and my husband just turned 53" and that you have two children under 3 and "My husband insists that we make the move next year."

You are about to become responsible for 3 children, 2 small and 1 large. He will control the money (until it runs out) and you will be the servant.

He will have a comfortable retirement. You will not.
donall
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by donall »

Perhaps it would make sense to spend extended vacations on the island, 1-2 months instead of moving there.
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hand
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by hand »

If tourists are just discovering the island, it seems unlikely that the house you found will continue to rent for $330 / month.
That being said, there will likely be increased opportunities for someone who can bridge the local language / culture and the tourist language / culture.
Onyxmeth
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Onyxmeth »

It seems like your husband's retirement is set and you'll never have one. How do you plan to retire? Is 100% of this hypothetical $500 in income all going away to fund your retirement, or will it go to supplementing his?
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Jack FFR1846 »

I don't know your island but have spent a lot of time in Aruba. Much higher cost of living than you speak of on your potential new home. Many kids end up going to school in the Netherlands to get a good higher education. Perhaps save towards college in Europe or the US while on the island.

OR

Does your husband just plan to do nothing and drain all of your financial resources and leave you and the kids nothing when he passes away???
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Raymond
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Raymond »

donall wrote:Perhaps it would make sense to spend extended vacations on the island, 1-2 months instead of moving there.
+1

Maybe he will realize that paradise can get pretty boring after a month or two.
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technovelist
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by technovelist »

I would do it in your circumstances, for reasons that I can't go into without violating the rules of this board.
In theory, theory and practice are identical. In practice, they often differ.
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

Thank you everyone. I'm trying not to reveal too much info since we have friends on here. We have looked at some properties last year. To get a 3 bedrooms 3 baths, 2000 square feet, ocean front home and single home property will cost us between 120-150k. No property tax. The same property will rent for $300 to $500 a month. Is it wise to buy? My plan is to go back as soon as my kids turn 18. I want my children to go to college here. My husband thinks that our children will get financial aid when they return to US for college.
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shokwaverider
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by shokwaverider »

I would ask some basic questions.

1) Does the island have a stable government?
2) How far from a mainland in case of emergency?
3) Prone to natural disasters?
4) Is the banking system stable?
5) Is the language hard to learn? e.g. Indonesian for example is so much easier than Thai, Vietnamese etc.
6) Cost of drugs?
7) Stability of utilities?
8) Residency requirements etc.?

I know you are trying to keep he location private for some reason, but can you give us an idea? Caribbean for example, SE Asia etc.

Oh and all things being equal regarding the above questions, I would do it in a heartbeat!
Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

Absolutely....NOT!!! I put my kids first, and me last. I would think of what kind of future, if any, my kids will have on that island.
I've seen this movie before and it involved relatives of mine who stayed in Western Europe because they thought of themselves instead of their kids. Today, their kids have little or no future stuck in a backwards Western Europe country where there is rampant inflation, little or no economic momentum (read: low mobility and extremely low income prospects) and it has been this way for decades, oh, but things are good for their parents who have pensions and very low cost healthcare. :oops: I'll stop now before I get worked up.
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ddunca1944
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by ddunca1944 »

If it was just me and my husband, I'd strongly consider it. But with kids in school, I'd only consider it if I could afford to send them elsewhere for their education.
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

shokwaverider wrote:I would ask some basic questions.

1) Does the island have a stable government?
2) How far from a mainland in case of emergency?
3) Prone to natural disasters?
4) Is the banking system stable?
5) Is the language hard to learn? e.g. Indonesian for example is so much easier than Thai, Vietnamese etc.
6) Cost of drugs?
7) Stability of utilities?
8) Residency requirements etc.?

I know you are trying to keep he location private for some reason, but can you give us an idea? Caribbean for example, SE Asia etc.

Oh and all things being equal regarding the above questions, I would do it in a heartbeat!

It's SE Asia!! No drugs activity. I know it's safer to live back home than US for my children in term of gang, drug activities. That being said, there aren't many opportunities for them. Unless we open some kind of tourist business for them to run after we both gone. There are banks. Restaurants and hotels accept credit cards but if you want to pay less you gotta pay cash. Food especially seafood is super cheap! There are private hospitals for rich people and it doesn't cost much!
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by hicabob »

Kids really seem to like the US. I've seen Japanese salary-men in great distress at being forced to move back home with their families after the few year stint in the US is over. Kids from the UK never seem to want to go back after a few years in the US - I've seen same in kids from France too.
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Jay69
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Jay69 »

What 53 year old guy would not like living (retired) on a nice warm island with his 34 year old bride, just saying. Tell your husband to fill up the truck with 3-4 million to take care of you and your kids then you will move. Until then you and your kids come first.
"Out of clutter, find simplicity” Albert Einstein
Professor Emeritus
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Professor Emeritus »

anonforthis wrote:

It's SE Asia!! No drugs activity. I know it's safer to live back home than US for my children in term of gang, drug activities. That being said, there aren't many opportunities for them. Unless we open some kind of tourist business for them to run after we both gone. There are banks. Restaurants and hotels accept credit cards but if you want to pay less you gotta pay cash. Food especially seafood is super cheap! There are private hospitals for rich people and it doesn't cost much!

Southeast Asia and no drugs or gangs sounds a contradiction in terms. Drugs does grow there. Gangs do sell them I agree you can certainly have a country so poor and/or authoritarian that drugs are not a big problem but will children raised in such a bubble be able to function anywhere else?

Hubby is looking out for #1 Does he speak the local language?
Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

Professor Emeritus wrote:
anonforthis wrote:

It's SE Asia!! No drugs activity. I know it's safer to live back home than US for my children in term of gang, drug activities. That being said, there aren't many opportunities for them. Unless we open some kind of tourist business for them to run after we both gone. There are banks. Restaurants and hotels accept credit cards but if you want to pay less you gotta pay cash. Food especially seafood is super cheap! There are private hospitals for rich people and it doesn't cost much!

Southeast Asia and no drugs or gangs sounds a contradiction in terms. Drugs does grow there. Gangs do sell them I agree you can certainly have a country so poor and/or authoritarian that drugs are not a big problem but will children raised in such a bubble be able to function anywhere else?

Hubby is looking out for #1 Does he speak the local language?
[OT comment removed by admin LadyGeek]
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Professor Emeritus
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Professor Emeritus »

Jay69 wrote:What 53 year old guy would not like living (retired) on a nice warm island with his 34 year old bride, just saying. Tell your husband to fill up the truck with 3-4 million to take care of you and your kids then you will move. Until then you and your kids come first.
It doesn't take that much. But I agree when he puts a guaranteed inflation protected annual income of 40K in her name he can start talking. Until then its "what part of NO do you not understand?"
Mike Scott
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Mike Scott »

I would think a year or two or five to work towards a major transition like this would be better than just jumping off the cliff.
Professor Emeritus
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Professor Emeritus »

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:
Professor Emeritus wrote:
anonforthis wrote:

It's SE Asia!! No drugs activity. I know it's safer to live back home than US for my children in term of gang, drug activities. That being said, there aren't many opportunities for them. Unless we open some kind of tourist business for them to run after we both gone. There are banks. Restaurants and hotels accept credit cards but if you want to pay less you gotta pay cash. Food especially seafood is super cheap! There are private hospitals for rich people and it doesn't cost much!

Southeast Asia and no drugs or gangs sounds a contradiction in terms. Drugs does grow there. Gangs do sell them I agree you can certainly have a country so poor and/or authoritarian that drugs are not a big problem but will children raised in such a bubble be able to function anywhere else?

Hubby is looking out for #1 Does he speak the local language?
[OT comment removed by admin LadyGeek]
[Response to OT comment removed by admin LadyGeek]
Professor Emeritus
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Professor Emeritus »

anonforthis wrote:Thank you everyone. I'm trying not to reveal too much info since we have friends on here. We have looked at some properties last year. To get a 3 bedrooms 3 baths, 2000 square feet, ocean front home and single home property will cost us between 120-150k. No property tax. The same property will rent for $300 to $500 a month. Is it wise to buy? My plan is to go back as soon as my kids turn 18. I want my children to go to college here. My husband thinks that our children will get financial aid when they return to US for college.
You plan to move 12000 miles away from your kids when they turn 18? Financial aid is the least of your concerns
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

Safety isn't a concern for me because I grew up there and go back home every other year. I know the school system. I spent my last 2 years of high school in one of the best school district in Cupertino and I still think the school system back home is better and safer. I didn't go to college back home so I can't give my opinion on it. Anyway, money and future for my kids are my number one priority. I just don't want to end up in a poor house later.
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

Professor Emeritus wrote:
anonforthis wrote:Thank you everyone. I'm trying not to reveal too much info since we have friends on here. We have looked at some properties last year. To get a 3 bedrooms 3 baths, 2000 square feet, ocean front home and single home property will cost us between 120-150k. No property tax. The same property will rent for $300 to $500 a month. Is it wise to buy? My plan is to go back as soon as my kids turn 18. I want my children to go to college here. My husband thinks that our children will get financial aid when they return to US for college.
You plan to move 12000 miles away from your kids when they turn 18? Financial aid is the least of your concerns


No, I'm taking them back to the US when they turn 18 so they can go to college here.
Onyxmeth
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Onyxmeth »

anonforthis wrote:
Professor Emeritus wrote:
anonforthis wrote:Thank you everyone. I'm trying not to reveal too much info since we have friends on here. We have looked at some properties last year. To get a 3 bedrooms 3 baths, 2000 square feet, ocean front home and single home property will cost us between 120-150k. No property tax. The same property will rent for $300 to $500 a month. Is it wise to buy? My plan is to go back as soon as my kids turn 18. I want my children to go to college here. My husband thinks that our children will get financial aid when they return to US for college.
You plan to move 12000 miles away from your kids when they turn 18? Financial aid is the least of your concerns


No, I'm taking them back to the US when they turn 18 so they can go to college here.
Is your husband coming back with you when you bring your kids back to the states?
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DonCamillo
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by DonCamillo »

Professor Emeritus wrote: You are about to become responsible for 3 children, 2 small and 1 large. He will control the money (until it runs out) and you will be the servant.
A desire to move after he experienced only 1 week in a new place reinforces the above opinion.

This move is about as risky as cashing in everything you have and betting it all on a single number on a roulette wheel. Of course, even that has about a 2% chance of success.
Les vieillards aiment à donner de bons préceptes, pour se consoler de n'être plus en état de donner de mauvais exemples. | (François, duc de La Rochefoucauld, maxim 93)
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anonforthis
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

Onyxmeth wrote:
anonforthis wrote:
Professor Emeritus wrote:
anonforthis wrote:Thank you everyone. I'm trying not to reveal too much info since we have friends on here. We have looked at some properties last year. To get a 3 bedrooms 3 baths, 2000 square feet, ocean front home and single home property will cost us between 120-150k. No property tax. The same property will rent for $300 to $500 a month. Is it wise to buy? My plan is to go back as soon as my kids turn 18. I want my children to go to college here. My husband thinks that our children will get financial aid when they return to US for college.
You plan to move 12000 miles away from your kids when they turn 18? Financial aid is the least of your concerns


No, I'm taking them back to the US when they turn 18 so they can go to college here.
Is your husband coming back with you when you bring your kids back to the states?

Yes, my husband will move back also. I told him I want my the children to attend college here and he agreed. I will be 50 then and I don't know what I will do then. I'm sure I can get a job but probably won't make much. I have a master degree in accounting.
novaboglehead
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by novaboglehead »

I think your husband is setting the family up for disaster. I like to read expat blogs. The people that live overseas because they are running away from something in the US almost always seem to be miserable. The 'newness' factor wears off quickly and they get angry when things aren't like they are in the US. The cheap cost of living often turns out to be more expensive that living in the US because they don't adapt to local products and insist on using the expensive, imported products they used in the US. They find themselves stuck by circumstance in the new country or scrambling to find work if they go back to the US. If your husband doesn't speak or unwilling to learn the local dialect, he will probably find himself isolated socially. At the very least, that if this move is made, that your husband set up education funds for your kids so there will be some money for them to come to the US for college and possibly attend an international or private school in the new location.

The other possibility is that your husband is upset over something completely different and is expressing it as being tired of America. He is 53 and has two very young children. Maybe he is afraid he will not be around for them and wants to retire to the island to spend more time with you and the kids. I don't know. Just thinking out loud. You say he works a lot of hours. Maybe he is just tired. Perhaps the two of you can work out your budget so he can work fewer hours and spend more time at home.
Onyxmeth
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Onyxmeth »

anonforthis wrote:Yes, my husband will move back also. I told him I want my the children to attend college here and he agreed. I will be 50 then and I don't know what I will do then. I'm sure I can get a job but probably won't make much. I have a master degree in accounting.
I just don't think this scenario is fair for you. You'll be huffing the financial responsibility for your family for the remainder of your life while your husband packs it in early. I think this goes well beyond the financials of it. It doesn't appear you and your husband have the same goals and objectives in life. The whole reason for this website is to avoid living off of only Social Security.
Leemiller
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Leemiller »

Professor Emeritus wrote:IMHO You said it all when you said "I just turned 34 and my husband just turned 53" and that you have two children under 3 and "My husband insists that we make the move next year."

You are about to become responsible for 3 children, 2 small and 1 large. He will control the money (until it runs out) and you will be the servant.

He will have a comfortable retirement. You will not.
I completely agree. What if your husband has health issues? What if he dies? When he does die, as we all do, how much social security would you be looking at. With your significant difference in age, even with widow's benefits I doubt you'd be able to survive in your 60s when you needed the money.

Also, it doesn't seem like you've figured out your true costs. You are quoting what food costs on a daily basis, instead of what a real annual budget would look like. Even if you don't need health insurance what about long term care insurance on your husband, emergency air lift insurance for everyone in case the local hospital can't handle major trauma, air fare back and forth to the US so the kids see their other family members, other entertainment costs, transportation costs, and education costs for the kids (tutors perhaps).

Sorry, the plan sounds incredibly self-absorbed on the part of your husband. Is he upset that you're 20 years younger making as much money? I'm not sure why he gets to insist anything - last I checked marriage was a partnership.
jtundra
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by jtundra »

I would not want to move back if I were in your shoes.

If my children will attend college in U.S., I'd rather them also attend K-12 in U.S. Asian K-12 education may be better in some areas and a lot of Asian schools are safer comparing to U.S., I believe cultural, social interactions, peer activities etc. are just as important as learning math, science, writing, etc. I understand how you feel about the schools at your home country. I wouldn't want my daughter to grow up in one cultural/environment and have to make a lot of efforts to "convert" to another cultural/environment for the rest of her adult life. On the other hand, I'd take her to experience other cultures/countries whenever I can. Just a thought.

Also, please take care of your own financial future, not just the needs/wants of your husband's.
Rubiosa
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Rubiosa »

[OT comments removed by admin LadyGeek]
Topic Author
anonforthis
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Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 1:45 pm

Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

Thanks everyone for your inputs. My husband thinks life is too short to go to work deal and with this rat race here in US. He thinks the kids should be okay living in an island. We will have more time together as family instead of everyone goes to work 9-5 then eat dinner, watch some TV, then go to bed then ready for the next day to do it all over again. Then weekends cleaning, arrands, shopping....eft... He is tired of all these according to him. He wants to move my home country so we can just sit in our backyard listen to the ocean waves, dark night, the moon, the stars, and nobody around, very quiet. He realizes he doesn't have much time with the kids therefore he wants to create best memories and spends all his time with them while he still can. I don't know if that's selfish of him but he has good reasons.
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BigOil
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by BigOil »

Jay69 wrote:What 53 year old guy would not like living (retired) on a nice warm island with his 34 year old bride, just saying. Tell your husband to fill up the truck with 3-4 million to take care of you and your kids then you will move. Until then you and your kids come first.
+1, perhaps bluntly. It *appears* he is being selfish. Maybe not intentionally.

Much of the whole world wants in the USA for a reason, our systems, however ugly and very imperfect, overall make more wealth and can make things "better"(money, choices,options), with more freedom that most places in the world, and are "better" than all large places, in my opinion. Plus, there is a lot evidence to this as well.

He just does not have the money to live remotely with kids that will give them a "USA option" they deserve. He is not a Diplomat, or Megacorp Expat, or a Missionary, or Wealthy. Those folks can raise kids outside the USA and then have resources to give the kids options with their citizenship and USA-relevant education. You do legally have veto power on taking the kids out of the Country BTW (hope it does not come to that!).

I'd hope he would travel or go on a Mission or something during a leave of absence to get some perspective. And you can help him make himself more "happy" until his kids are grown. He chose them and a much younger bride. There are compromises...blunt.
northernisland
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by northernisland »

I think the feedback so far is helpful, but here are some other ideas:
1. Could one/both of you take a short leave of absence during a summer so that you could try a couple of months there? There's a real culture shock cycle and what your husband finds endearing may fade. Additionally, he may just need a break.
2. Could he take a break or semi-retire for a while? Would it be possible for you all to live on your salary, especially once kids are grade school age? What's his dream for passing the day? Reading, hiking, watching tv?
3. Could you work seasonally or work from abroad? I'd imagine accounting is somewhere where being remote and coming back for March April might be possible. How about him? Could he work part time abroad so that you could leave the savings saved?

Others have asked good questions. Will you be eligible for social security? What happens if he dies in ten years, or if you do? Do you like working? It wouldn't surprise me if part of this is the stress of 2 jobs + small kids, which is inherently stressful. There may be a lot of ways to change the situation without "going geographic." I'd consider a radical life shake up in the US before trying a full move abroad.

I live abroad and there are real stresses. Commuting internationally is really terrible, especially with kids. Whenever the four of you return it will be seven or eight thousand for tickets. There will be amenties you miss. He will want his kids to have some of the things he had in childhood (camps? sports leagues? road trips?). My guess is that the full implications of this haven't sunk in. I'd suggest maybe talking to a counselor who could help you talk all of this through.
Leemiller
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Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by Leemiller »

anonforthis wrote:Thanks everyone for your inputs. My husband thinks life is too short to go to work deal and with this rat race here in US. He thinks the kids should be okay living in an island. We will have more time together as family instead of everyone goes to work 9-5 then eat dinner, watch some TV, then go to bed then ready for the next day to do it all over again. Then weekends cleaning, arrands, shopping....eft... He is tired of all these according to him. He wants to move my home country so we can just sit in our backyard listen to the ocean waves, dark night, the moon, the stars, and nobody around, very quiet. He realizes he doesn't have much time with the kids therefore he wants to create best memories and spends all his time with them while he still can. I don't know if that's selfish of him but he has good reasons.
So the kids will have no college fund and his wife will have no retirement savings? Yeah I'm sure that will create great memories. I can assure you that no man would post asking this question. Look you married a guy 20 years older, he's obviously on a different timeline. Maybe you can call Suze Orman or Dave Ramsey so someone else can explain why this is a terrible idea.
Topic Author
anonforthis
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Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 1:45 pm

Re: Would you retire like this?

Post by anonforthis »

northernisland wrote:I think the feedback so far is helpful, but here are some other ideas:
1. Could one/both of you take a short leave of absence during a summer so that you could try a couple of months there? There's a real culture shock cycle and what your husband finds endearing may fade. Additionally, he may just need a break.
2. Could he take a break or semi-retire for a while? Would it be possible for you all to live on your salary, especially once kids are grade school age? What's his dream for passing the day? Reading, hiking, watching tv?
3. Could you work seasonally or work from abroad? I'd imagine accounting is somewhere where being remote and coming back for March April might be possible. How about him? Could he work part time abroad so that you could leave the savings saved?

Others have asked good questions. Will you be eligible for social security? What happens if he dies in ten years, or if you do? Do you like working? It wouldn't surprise me if part of this is the stress of 2 jobs + small kids, which is inherently stressful. There may be a lot of ways to change the situation without "going geographic." I'd consider a radical life shake up in the US before trying a full move abroad.

I live abroad and there are real stresses. Commuting internationally is really terrible, especially with kids. Whenever the four of you return it will be seven or eight thousand for tickets. There will be amenties you miss. He will want his kids to have some of the things he had in childhood (camps? sports leagues? road trips?). My guess is that the full implications of this haven't sunk in. I'd suggest maybe talking to a counselor who could help you talk all of this through.
Working remotely is a good idea. Thank you! Although I think its not easy to find. If he dies, we will move back to US since all of my family is in US. I know that he is burnt out and I"m trying to make him happy. I"m very easy and hard worker. I don't mind to work a lot of hours so he can stay home with the kids, however my salary isn't enough to support college fund, retirement, housing, food, ect..... My husband goals are :being with the kids, me, relax on the beach and not worry about anything at all. I have the same goals but I"m more realistic (bogleheads member). I am not worried about me so much because I can survive anywhere but I do worry about my children future. My husband thinks we dont' owe our kids a college fund and I disagree although both of us went to college without any help from parents.
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