Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

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Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby soccerdad12 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:19 am

What are everyone's thoughts on leaving each child heir the same amount of inheritance no matter their personal situation?

I know this is an area with many viewpoints and personal opinions, but I am trying to think forward for my end-of-life planning. For arguments sake, say you have 3 grown kids and 1 is a doctor doing great and is wealthy, 1 is a teacher doing great but not wealthy by any means and 1 never finished college and jumps from job to job.

Would you leave all 3 kids the exact same amount of inheritance?
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby WHL » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:23 am

I would, yes. With that said, I have no kids and don't really plan on it.

Get everyone together for a nice Sunday dinner (mother's and father's day coming up, use that excuse if the kids aren't local) and have everyone be real honest about it. Maybe the better off children would prefer the money go to the other sibling, or maybe into a trust for the not-so-well-off siblings kids education, rather than just giving a lump sum to piss away.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Call_Me_Op » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:26 am

I think an inheritance portion going to immediate offspring should be split evenly, without regard to financial status. To do otherwise gets into moral hazard questions, and may hurt the feelings of those who got less. I am speaking as a son who recently had this discussion with his mother.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby soccerdad12 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:29 am

Would it be terribly wrong to give the doctor a lump sum in cash, teacher a lump sum in cash and buy the job hopper a lifetime annuity for the same amount as the lump sum the other 2 received?
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby ddunca1944 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:34 am

I think there are circumstances that can warrant treating them differently. I have three grandchildren. One is permanently and severely disabled and will be on SSDI her entire lifetime. I am leaving her more than the other two grandchildren.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby cheese_breath » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:37 am

It depends. As a general rule I would want to give equal inheritances, meaning I would not penalize the one who chose the more lucrative career or reward the one who chose the opposite. But there could be special circumstances. For example if I needed assistance in my old age, and one stepped up to the plate while the others ignored my needs I would prorate their inheritances accordingly. Or if one had extraordinary financial problems through no fault of his own I might give that one more while making sure the others understood my reasons.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby MnD » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:39 am

Yes. Every family has a black sheep or two and need-based inheritance just rewards poor choices.
Some of those black sheep put their parents through hell in the teens years and as young adults and should feel lucky to get an equal share.

If a better off sibling wants to (for example) open a 529 account for nieces and nephews for a sibling that is not as well of, they certainly still have the option to do so.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby cheese_breath » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:43 am

soccerdad12 wrote:Would it be terribly wrong to give the doctor a lump sum in cash, teacher a lump sum in cash and buy the job hopper a lifetime annuity for the same amount as the lump sum the other 2 received?

It would not be wrong. It's your money, and you can do whatever you want with it. Some people act like they have a right to inherit their elder parent's money. They don't. If the parent chooses to leave it to them, fine. But he doesn't have to.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby MnD » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:47 am

soccerdad12 wrote:Would it be terribly wrong to give the doctor a lump sum in cash, teacher a lump sum in cash and buy the job hopper a lifetime annuity for the same amount as the lump sum the other 2 received?


No but I think anyone can sell an annuity or other structured payment for a lump sum, and those third-party firms are infamous for offering really bad deals to the cash hungry.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby bsteiner » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:48 am

soccerdad12 wrote:Would it be terribly wrong to give the doctor a lump sum in cash, teacher a lump sum in cash and buy the job hopper a lifetime annuity for the same amount as the lump sum the other 2 received?


Yes. That plan would be terribly wrong.

If you leave money to the doctor outright, it will be in his/her estate for estate tax purposes, and it will be subject to his/her creditors, including spouses. It should be in a flexible trust that he/she can effectively control, but which won't be included in his/her estate, and which will be protected against his/her creditors, including spouses.

If you give the job-hopper an annuity, it will be inflexible, it will probably be expensive, all of the distributions will be ordinary income, and all of the distributions will be subject to his/her creditors, including spouses. You could leave his/her share in a trust. That would be more flexible, less expensive, better protected, and would allow the investment income and gains to be taxed as qualified dividends or long-term capital gains. Depending on the situation, the job-hopper might have a lesser degree of control over his/her trust than the doctor.

The protections may be less important to the teacher, but he/she might get divorced, or outlive his/her spouse and remarry.

Whether to provide for them equally or unequally is up to you.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Bob Adams » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:49 am

Treating all children the same is the best approach. I, and my brothers, were treated differently in the method of dispersal and it caused all sorts of problems between us, and hard feelings towards the parent. The other parent was left to arbitrate and it just never worked well. In my circumstances I plan to leave each of my children 50% of their share immediately and the balance in a trust that will delay until some future date the balance.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby prudent » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:01 pm

My thought would be to factor in how much financial help has been given so far. If (for example) the doctor got a lot of parental $ to help with getting through school but the others didn't (or got less) then perhaps the estate could be used to balance the scales. That might mean the doctor gets less in the estate, but the doctor will understand it's not being unfair.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby RadAudit » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:13 pm

I am going with the equal inheritance to all option.

I've seen what happened to a kid who was cut out of the will / received a vastly lesser amount for one reason or other. The results were that individual held a grudge against the parents and other siblings for a number of years even though he understood the parent's reasoning.

Of course, it's your money and you'll be gone so it'll be someone else's problem.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Grt2bOutdoors » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:16 pm

Evenly, unless one child were sufficiently handicapped or physically deficient such that the division of estate assets would not be enough to provide care for that child. I'm sure the other children would understand.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby moneyman11 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:18 pm

soccerdad12 wrote:What are everyone's thoughts on leaving each child heir the same amount of inheritance no matter their personal situation?

I know this is an area with many viewpoints and personal opinions, but I am trying to think forward for my end-of-life planning. For arguments sake, say you have 3 grown kids and 1 is a doctor doing great and is wealthy, 1 is a teacher doing great but not wealthy by any means and 1 never finished college and jumps from job to job.

Would you leave all 3 kids the exact same amount of inheritance?



If your goal is to distribute the money unevenly when you die, you might consider distributing some as you see fit it now, while you are still alive. It'll be more discreet and you'll likely be able to see more clearly the effect.

As others have said, it's your money to do with as you wish, but If you want your legacy to include one of your kids being resentful of you for the rest of THEIR life, unequal distribution of your estate will surely do the trick.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby vesalius » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:19 pm

I say talk with the kids. I am in a similar situation, but I happen to be the "doing well Dr. child". I specifically have told Mom and dad on multiple occasions to leave more or all to my less well off siblings because they could use it more and I know my folks love me. I don't need $$ to prove that.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Default User BR » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:20 pm

In general I agree about equal splits. You can take into account some factors. If you paid for college for one child, but another got a scholarship, it might reasonable to recognize that. As mentioned above, special needs can be a factor.


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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Skiffy » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:47 pm

I have a question about unequal shares for the grandchild on SSDI--isn't this a case for a special needs trust? An outright inheritance could stop all support from SS and any state support?
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby ddunca1944 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:52 pm

Skiffy wrote:I have a question about unequal shares for the grandchild on SSDI--isn't this a case for a special needs trust? An outright inheritance could stop all support from SS and any state support?


Yes, absolutely. And our wills specifically set up a special needs trust for her share.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Gnirk » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:54 pm

My DH and I each plan to split our individual estates equally among our respective children. My DH will provide a direct inheritance to his son, who is financially responsible, while he is planning an irrevocable trust for the other child, who is a spendthrift and has a gambling issue.

I plan on leaving my estate equally to my two children, unless a special needs situation arises, and then would change that plan accordingly. Special needs meaning a life-changing health issue.

IMHO, to split an estate based on an heir's (I'm speaking of adult children here) choices of career or financial success, or lack of, could easily create resentment and hard feelings. Sadly, I've seen the worst come out of people when there are inheritances involved.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby tuckeverlasting » Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:01 pm

Skiffy wrote:I have a question about unequal shares for the grandchild on SSDI--isn't this a case for a special needs trust? An outright inheritance could stop all support from SS and any state support?


As long as we are talking solely about Social Security Disability Insurance (not SSI--Social Supplementary Income) then no, an inheritance would not affect this benefit under current laws. Social Security itself is not need- nor means-tested, at least right now.

Not sure about other benefits and this would be something to check, good point.

I personally would leave a legacy in equal shares to the heirs, except possibly in the case of severe disability.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby jon-nyc » Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:03 pm

I'd do equal unless there were a really compelling reason to do otherwise that all my children would understand. And then I would be open about it while still alive. The example above is clear, where one child is disabled. Another example would be a fabulously wealthy child and a normal child - indeed I can't imagine Bill Gates getting upset if his father said his sister would inherit his money.


Of course, the more typical case of differing outcomes among children is because one makes a lot of good decisions and one makes a lot of bad ones. In that case I would not subsidize the bad decision maker at the expense of the others.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby shel » Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:10 pm

If you want to cause permanent resentment and fights among your children, by all means leave them unequal amounts based on any set of criteria you choose.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby spencer99 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 2:06 pm

Awhile back a book covering this kind of question was mentioned on this forum - "Beyond the Grave" by Gerald M. Condon. I found the book at my local library and while I can give it only a lukewarm recommendation, it does spend time discussing variations on the question you ask.

By the way, another way to handle this is to let your children decide, effectively kick the can down the road. My mom recently died leaving a small inheritance equally to nine children of widely varying means. She didn't feel right leaving unequal shares although several of us encouraged her to do so (as it applied to us). The inheritance went into a trust giving us some distribution flexibility. Each sibling is a free agent, choosing to take their share, a partial share, or none; leaving more for those with greater need.

Good luck,

S
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby yehudimenuhin » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:27 pm

My friend has a large amount of commercial property and a 100 employee light manufacturing business. He also has 2 adult daughters. One is highly responsible and capable. The other is flighty and is married to an underachiever.

He has chosen to leave the bulk of the estate to the responsible daughter with the agreement that she will oversee the growth of the estate for the next few generations and use the money (as necessary) to protect the other daughter from disaster.

Makes sense to me. If Daughter B were to get 1/2 of the estate, it and its potential value to the next generation would vanish. About as financially favorable as a divorce. Under his plan, Daughter A will manage the estate for everyone's benefit and her sister will never starve. I don't know all the details, but I presume Daughter A is expected to treat the grandkids equitably (maybe one of Daughter B's kids will be the responsible one in that generation?)
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby yehudimenuhin » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:30 pm

I also read "Beyond the Grave". Worth buying a used copy if you haven't thought about these topics in depth. It caused me to appraise some scenarios for our family that I never would have considered, but are eminently possible.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby backofbeyond » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:32 pm

My father had 6 kids from 3 different marriages. He was upper middle income and at the time of his death had an estate valued around 1/2 mil. Throughout all of our lives, he leverage his "will" (meaning estate) to try and get all of us to bend to his wishes. It was terrible, if you didn't do what he wanted, then he'd "write you out of his will". I was the Trustee of his estate, and he indeed went thru over 7 turnovers regarding heirs. In the end, he kept 2 out and 4 of us in. Even then, 2 of us recieved the lions share. I being one of them. However, the other sibling and I spoke to a tax attorney and decided that we would split it equally among all of the kids. Funny, no one asked to actually see the last amendment, as I think they may have anticipated that they didn't make the cut.

It has worked out wonderfully, as everone is still talking to each other. So, that's my 2 cents worth.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby tyrion » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:34 pm

yehudimenuhin wrote:My friend has a large amount of commercial property and a 100 employee light manufacturing business. He also has 2 adult daughters. One is highly responsible and capable. The other is flighty and is married to an underachiever.

He has chosen to leave the bulk of the estate to the responsible daughter with the agreement that she will oversee the growth of the estate for the next few generations and use the money (as necessary) to protect the other daughter from disaster.

Makes sense to me. If Daughter B were to get 1/2 of the estate, it and its potential value to the next generation would vanish. About as financially favorable as a divorce. Under his plan, Daughter A will manage the estate for everyone's benefit and her sister will never starve. I don't know all the details, but I presume Daughter A is expected to treat the grandkids equitably (maybe one of Daughter B's kids will be the responsible one in that generation?)


I can't think of a better solution, but I can't imagine this one will be beneficial to the relationship between the two daughters. One is forced to serve as gatekeeper to the money, the other needs to resort to begging and pleading.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby PoeticalDeportment » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:37 pm

To the doctor, leave your Roth.
To the school teacher, leave your traditional IRA / 401k.
For the irresponsible child, set up a trust with annual payouts for his/her own protection (but don't give them access to a lot of cash all at once that they will surely be a poor steward over - that makes you the fool).

My opinion: try to make it approximately equal

My recommendation: it's your money, give it away however you wish
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby EternalOptimist » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:52 pm

I have 2 brothers and when my mom passed it was equally divided. Of course I was the best son who deserved more but didn't get it lol. Tough call, it probably isn't totally fair but it creates fewer problems for the living heirs.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Curlyq » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:03 pm

soccerdad12 wrote:Would it be terribly wrong to give the doctor a lump sum in cash, teacher a lump sum in cash and buy the job hopper a lifetime annuity for the same amount as the lump sum the other 2 received?


I'm a POA on my dad's estate. He is going to give equal amounts to each of his offspring. Two of the offspring will have their inherited IRA portion go into a trust to stretch the IRA with an annual payout of the RMD. This was done to protect the offspring (my siblings) from having their spouses spend it all at once. If the spouse(s) precede my siblings in death, my siblings will not be left in abject poverty due to the continuing inherited RMD. It's the best we could do without spending a lot of money in trust and administration fees and further complicating the issue. We are using Vanguard for the inherited IRA trusts.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby black jack » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:27 pm

I go with equal shares, except in exceptional cases (vast disparities in the income of siblings or disability of a sibling), in which case the arrangement should be discussed in a family meeting.

prudent wrote:My thought would be to factor in how much financial help has been given so far. If (for example) the doctor got a lot of parental $ to help with getting through school but the others didn't (or got less) then perhaps the estate could be used to balance the scales. That might mean the doctor gets less in the estate, but the doctor will understand it's not being unfair.


This should also be a part of the calculation. You don't need to count every birthday gift (though I have no doubt some sibling do), but if the gifts/contributions are significant they should be counted.

But, as others have said, that's just my opinion; it's your money.

PS I third the recommendation to read "Beyond the Grave" on this issue.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Rodc » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:30 pm

Absent truly special circumstances the default of giving the same to each seems best.

Now if you thought one would completely waste the money, or worse go on a dangerous bender then no. Or if one had specially medical or other special needs you might do something different. I did not read anything like that in your posts.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby YttriumNitrate » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:33 pm

Whatever you decide to do, be sure to discuss it with your heirs. That way, they will be pissed off at you instead of being pissed off at their siblings after you die. :D
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby vesalius » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:35 pm

spencer99 wrote:Awhile back a book covering this kind of question was mentioned on this forum - "Beyond the Grave" by Gerald M. Condon. I found the book at my local library and while I can give it only a lukewarm recommendation, it does spend time discussing variations on the question you ask.

By the way, another way to handle this is to let your children decide, effectively kick the can down the road. My mom recently died leaving a small inheritance equally to nine children of widely varying means. She didn't feel right leaving unequal shares although several of us encouraged her to do so (as it applied to us). The inheritance went into a trust giving us some distribution flexibility. Each sibling is a free agent, choosing to take their share, a partial share, or none; leaving more for those with greater need.

Good luck,

S

Great idea, I am going to propose this to my folks as well because both of my folks still feel weird about unequally distributing the estate.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby johnubc » Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:42 pm

Split is as equally as possible.

How does one know who is truly the one who is better off financially? And, things change over time.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Confused » Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:35 pm

I know my folks' will divides the assets equally among all children over the age of 18. The ones over 18 are expected to take care of the ones that are younger than 18. As each child turned 18, I watched my share of the assets drop down to now 20% and will continue to fall, since there are still more children.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Calm Man » Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:36 pm

ddunca1944 wrote:I think there are circumstances that can warrant treating them differently. I have three grandchildren. One is permanently and severely disabled and will be on SSDI her entire lifetime. I am leaving her more than the other two grandchildren.


Good for you !!! I have a doctor daughter and a permanently disabled daughter in a group home. Who gets more -- the doctor or the trust for the disabled daughter. A no brainer to me.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby epilnk » Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:35 pm

One of my children will most likely end up disabled at a young age. We don't know how soon, since we are doing everything we can to postpone the more serious impacts of his condition, but it's too early to begin thinking of a special needs trust. For the moment our children are set to inherit equally. However my children are very close and I would not do anything that might disturb that. Money is less valuable than a strong sibling relationship, and after we are gone my son may need his brother more than ever.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby rixer » Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:52 pm

I have a child who will get zero.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby gerntz » Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:31 pm

I having one kid, this is immaterial directly.

But my point would be is how do you know the relative financial circumstances - current & future - of each of your kids? And I'd be concerned that the ones that are down & out would use their inheritance to quickly get back to being down & out.

Net, unless certain ones have known medical conditions requiring extra need, I'd leave each the same. Of course, some could PO me to no end & lose theirs too.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby 2stepsbehind » Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:50 pm

For those of you planning to give a disproportionate amount to a disabled child, are you aware that the disabled child will qualify for 75% of your social security benefit?
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby 2stepsbehind » Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:54 pm

Calm Man wrote:
ddunca1944 wrote:I think there are circumstances that can warrant treating them differently. I have three grandchildren. One is permanently and severely disabled and will be on SSDI her entire lifetime. I am leaving her more than the other two grandchildren.


Good for you !!! I have a doctor daughter and a permanently disabled daughter in a group home. Who gets more -- the doctor or the trust for the disabled daughter. A no brainer to me.


what happens if a year after you die the doctor becomes disabled?
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Calm Man » Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:06 pm

2stepsbehind wrote:
Calm Man wrote:
ddunca1944 wrote:I think there are circumstances that can warrant treating them differently. I have three grandchildren. One is permanently and severely disabled and will be on SSDI her entire lifetime. I am leaving her more than the other two grandchildren.


Good for you !!! I have a doctor daughter and a permanently disabled daughter in a group home. Who gets more -- the doctor or the trust for the disabled daughter. A no brainer to me.


what happens if a year after you die the doctor becomes disabled?


I will encourage her to get disability insurance. I am also not going to write her out. I'm thinking along the lines of 2/3 and 1/3. The lord willing, I also hope to have several rewrites as time goes on. But you have provided good food for thought and I do appreciate it. Maybe I will voluntarily pay for her disability insurance come to think of it.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby 2stepsbehind » Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:18 pm

Calm Man wrote:I will encourage her to get disability insurance. I am also not going to write her out. I'm thinking along the lines of 2/3 and 1/3. The lord willing, I also hope to have several rewrites as time goes on. But you have provided good food for thought and I do appreciate it. Maybe I will voluntarily pay for her disability insurance come to think of it.


:beer Yeah there are no easy decisions here, but like others in the thread I'd encourage people to really talk these issues over with their families. It could be that the able-bodied child carries some resentment of how much attention the disabled child garnered over the years and an unequal bequest would only serve to further estrange him/her from you or the sibling.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Garco » Fri Apr 05, 2013 10:54 pm

When we expire, our remaining money will go equally to the two kids. At this time one of them is doing way better financially than the other. But who's to know what the situation will be a few years from now? In any case, this is not a good reason to favor one child over the other. Now while we are alive, we may choose to provide special help to the kid who most needs it. But not once we die.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby rr2 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:29 pm

I come from a different country where male children are favored and females are looked down upon.

My maternal grandfather had 9 children -- 5 male and 4 female. He left 40% to one male child, 20% each to 3 other male children and nothing to the rest. The worst was that my grandmother got nothing. She was entitled to live in the paid off house for seven years but no money came to her. No provision was made after the seven years. All the property was in his name only.

This was truly a horrible situation. The will was strongly contested and took years to resolve. It is almost thirty years since but this situation pretty much broke up the family.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby epilnk » Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:18 am

2stepsbehind wrote:
Calm Man wrote:I will encourage her to get disability insurance. I am also not going to write her out. I'm thinking along the lines of 2/3 and 1/3. The lord willing, I also hope to have several rewrites as time goes on. But you have provided good food for thought and I do appreciate it. Maybe I will voluntarily pay for her disability insurance come to think of it.


:beer Yeah there are no easy decisions here, but like others in the thread I'd encourage people to really talk these issues over with their families. It could be that the able-bodied child carries some resentment of how much attention the disabled child garnered over the years and an unequal bequest would only serve to further estrange him/her from you/the sibling.

Yes, although my son is not currently disabled, his younger brother is accustomed to having our lives revolve around his older brother's health needs. He understands and is very protective of his big brother, but it is a psychological burden that we need to handle delicately.

What I would ideally like to do is to split our estate into three parts: an equal inheritance for each son, and a third trust that either can draw from for medical needs. Most likely it would be drained by the elder brother - kidney transplants don't come cheap. But it would be available to the other in case of medical emergency, preserving some fairness and defending against the charge that we took the health of the other for granted. Does anyone know if it is possible to structure something like this?
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Calm Man » Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:15 am

2stepsbehind wrote:
Calm Man wrote:I will encourage her to get disability insurance. I am also not going to write her out. I'm thinking along the lines of 2/3 and 1/3. The lord willing, I also hope to have several rewrites as time goes on. But you have provided good food for thought and I do appreciate it. Maybe I will voluntarily pay for her disability insurance come to think of it.


:beer Yeah there are no easy decisions here, but like others in the thread I'd encourage people to really talk these issues over with their families. It could be that the able-bodied child carries some resentment of how much attention the disabled child garnered over the years and an unequal bequest would only serve to further estrange him/her from you or the sibling.


2steps,
Fortunately the older child although she has said that we "worry" about her sister more than we do about her gets more face and phone time by far from me and her mother. She also knows that "thus for the sake of God go I" (or something like that" and knows that she got through a good college and then medical school debt free which is not bad. I am not really able to talk $ numbers with her yet as I don't want to dissincentive her from working, saving, investing and being self sufficient. Just yesterday I told her that her mother and I were not contributing to her now because her salary indeed pays for her rent and expenses with money to spare and that for the first time ever she is self-supporting, which is a very good thing.

But again, you are quite right and there is enough that I could make the bequests equal. Good stuff to think about today.
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Re: Leaving equal inheritance value to all kids?

Postby Calm Man » Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:18 am

rr2 wrote:I come from a different country where male children are favored and females are looked down upon.

My maternal grandfather had 9 children -- 5 male and 4 female. He left 40% to one male child, 20% each to 3 other male children and nothing to the rest. The worst was that my grandmother got nothing. She was entitled to live in the paid off house for seven years but no money came to her. No provision was made after the seven years. All the property was in his name only.

This was truly a horrible situation. The will was strongly contested and took years to resolve. It is almost thirty years since but this situation pretty much broke up the family.


And rightfully so if I was one of the females or the non-preferred male. Hard to believe that something like that goes on and even harder to believe that the grandmother knowing this would go ahead and bear 9 children to this "man" with that type of situation abounding. That is why I have often read, if you want to advance a society, educate the women.
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