Does your work define you?

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities
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madman19
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Does your work define you?

Post by madman19 »

Dictionary.com: Define means to explain or identify the nature or essential qualities of...

Bogleheads,

Lately I've been feeling like my work defines me. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I have hobbies, things I love to do outside of work, but I just feel like work defines me. It's where I have the greatest value, it's who I am. While I have bad days and am working hard to gain financial independence, I'm confident that if I were forced to retire tomorrow, I'd be happy for a few hours then miserable the rest of my life.

I am relatively young and would love the advice of older Bogleheads - was this something you went through? Is this good/bad? Thank you!
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Ged
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Ged »

Yes, and it's bad. If your job changes radically, or you get laid off you will go through a pretty rough time if you identify yourself with your job this much.

I know people who likewise have a tough time transitioning into retirement because of this. They identify with their position and when it's gone => issues.
a
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by a »

It's natural for what productive activity one engages
in for the majority of one's waking life, to create
who one is.
Jguild2120
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Jguild2120 »

No. It influences and places limits on my life but it will never define it.

But, my work situation is different from many. I work in the oil industry as a 'rotator' ...28 day on, 28 day off, 28 days on , etc, etc. For the last 35 years I have worked the world as a rotator in the oil industry. Currently, it's 28 days at work in Australia, 28 days off at home in Houston, 28 days on in Australia, etc, etc. effectively, I get 6 months off a year. This time off prevents me from being defined by oil industry work.

In fact, the time off has allowed me to maintain a parallel second career totally unrelated to the oil industry. Please forgive me for blowing my horn, but this my second career: http://www.WaterFireRock.com I am John Guild.
John Guild
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stemikger
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by stemikger »

Definitely not!!! My family defines me. As long as I have my wife and daughter by my side, I can deal with all the other BS life tends to surprise you with.
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by carolinaman »

This can be challenging, especially for people with demanding jobs and those in leadership. I would encourage you to continue with your hobbies and also get involved in organizations outside of work such as social, civic or religious organizations that add a dimension to your life and enable you to develop new friends. All too often, men's friends are mostly work related and those tend to diminish or go away after retirement. Life needs a purpose beyond work and involving yourself in charitable or religious organizations that serve the needs of others is a good way to do that. Strive to develop an identity of yourself outside of work. You are wise to consider this at a younger age.
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retiredjg
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by retiredjg »

Sounds like a good thing in your case madman19. If doing what you do feels valuable and if you would be miserable without it, you have found your place on the planet.
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StevieG72
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by StevieG72 »

You are fortunate if you have a career that you really enjoy!

Apparently in our culture your work defines you. One of the first things someone will ask when meeting new people is "what do you do" , refering to how do you make a living.
Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.
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packet
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by packet »

If you enjoy what you do and are passionate about it, then you're one of the lucky ones!
If the above is true, then work defining you is great... otherwise, perhaps not so much.

I work to live, I do not live to work...

Cheers,
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by RadAudit »

When you are introduced, do you say "I am a financial analyst (or whatever)"?.

Try to say "I work as a financial analyst" or "I'm employed as a financial analyst"

It's a small step toward breaking the my work is my identity problem. You are more than the sum of your parts. You are definitely more than just one part.
FI is the best revenge. LBYM. Invest the rest. Stay the course. Die anyway. - PS: The cavalry isn't coming, kids. You are on your own.
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by cfs »

I was. I am.

I was a Sailor once . . . and young.

Still a Sailor.
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irishbear99
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by irishbear99 »

My work used to define me when I was younger. I got over it. Halfway through my career and I can definitely envision a happy retirement.

Maybe I'm just burned out.
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by VictoriaF »

I define my work so that I can take responsibility when it defines me.

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mwm158
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by mwm158 »

deleted
Last edited by mwm158 on Thu Jan 08, 2015 11:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
cheesepep
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by cheesepep »

Not at all. I have one hundred percent flexibility in what I do and when I do it.
Impromptu
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Impromptu »

Becoming a physician is a whole life commitment. It is an entirely different way of thinking about the world.
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by placeholder »

I would say that 30+ years of my profession have definitely defined me so I AM an engineer.
Fallible
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Fallible »

madman19 wrote:Dictionary.com: Define means to explain or identify the nature or essential qualities of...

Bogleheads,

Lately I've been feeling like my work defines me. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I have hobbies, things I love to do outside of work, but I just feel like work defines me. It's where I have the greatest value, it's who I am. While I have bad days and am working hard to gain financial independence, I'm confident that if I were forced to retire tomorrow, I'd be happy for a few hours then miserable the rest of my life.

I am relatively young and would love the advice of older Bogleheads - was this something you went through? Is this good/bad? Thank you!
It's possible that you knew (perhaps subconsciously) who you were before you found this work and that this is why you found it. The work then didn't define you as much as gradually bring out what was always there - and I would think that is very good, especially if the qualities you've developed can be carried over into related activities in retirement. This is basically what happened to me, after first backing into a career I grew to love, then a second shorter career that called for new but related skills and provided some wonderful challenges that led into activities I've enjoyed for years in retirement.

It's also possible that since you are "relatively young," something else is behind such early concerns about being miserable in retirement. Maybe knowing why you think it's the work alone that defines you would help answer that.
"Yes, investing is simple. But it is not easy, for it requires discipline, patience, steadfastness, and that most uncommon of all gifts, common sense." ~Jack Bogle
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by TradingPlaces »

1. I
Last edited by TradingPlaces on Sat Jan 24, 2015 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
jackholloway
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by jackholloway »

madman19 wrote:Dictionary.com: Define means to explain or identify the nature or essential qualities of...

Bogleheads,

Lately I've been feeling like my work defines me. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I have hobbies, things I love to do outside of work, but I just feel like work defines me. It's where I have the greatest value, it's who I am. While I have bad days and am working hard to gain financial independence, I'm confident that if I were forced to retire tomorrow, I'd be happy for a few hours then miserable the rest of my life.

I am relatively young and would love the advice of older Bogleheads - was this something you went through? Is this good/bad? Thank you!
I have always been an engineer, a scientist, and a scholar. I find jobs that pay me to do what I am.

Some were good fits, and the definitions blurred. Others were not good fits, often because the job had too much fluff and not enough creativity.

Do beware of letting the non core parts of the job - politics, administrative trivia, people who call you to be less than you presently are - become part of your self definition. People change every day based on action, intention, and circumstance, so you are well served focusing on the parts that align with your desired future self.

All that said, I have had just-a-jobs. They paid me, and I did the work. I did not enjoy that much, but they were good experiences to help me appreciate a great job that aligns with who I am. it made it clear that no one job is perfect, they all end, and because of that, do not define yourself by one specific job. I am not a Megacorp engineer, Megacorp pays me to work as an Engineer.

Were I to reach FI, I would still be who I am, I would just have the luxury of not having to get paid to do it.
Last edited by jackholloway on Sun Dec 14, 2014 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Colorado14
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Colorado14 »

Jguild2120 wrote: In fact, the time off has allowed me to maintain a parallel second career totally unrelated to the oil industry. Please forgive me for blowing my horn, but this my second career: http://www.WaterFireRock.com I am John Guild.
Great website. The photos are particularly wonderful on this snowy day in CO.
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Herekittykitty »

Colorado13 wrote:
Jguild2120 wrote: In fact, the time off has allowed me to maintain a parallel second career totally unrelated to the oil industry. Please forgive me for blowing my horn, but this my second career: http://www.WaterFireRock.com I am John Guild.
Great website. The photos are particularly wonderful on this snowy day in CO.
Wow!!!!!
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Whiggish Boffin
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Whiggish Boffin »

I have been an electronics design engineer since Jimmy Carter was president. For some years now, my job has been hanging by a thread.

My small inheritance from my father will go to buy my very own oscilloscope. It may just gather dust, but I'll see it on the shelf and say "I still could if I wanted to..."
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obgyn65
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by obgyn65 »

My work used to define me. It no longer does.
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by nisiprius »

I don't worry too much about it. If you are lucky, you are in the job you are in because it felt like a "calling." In that case, why can't it be a legitimate part of your identity? I have to say that for me, the day I saw people using a PDP-1 computer at MIT, I actually had a "boing!" sensation. "I want to do that!" Like the scene in "A Chorus Line" about the kid seeing professional dancers and saying "I can do that!" I don't think I'm the only person to experience a thrill the very first time they saw a row of lights counting in binary.

I am what I am, and I used to say "I'm a software engineer" and now I say "I was a software engineer." I'm not quite sure what order I'd put things in when meeting a stranger--it depends on the circumstances. Someone asked me what my goal in life was now, and without even thinking about it said "my primary goal in life is for my grandchildren to remember me after I die."

In a more thoughtful mood, I would not quite say I define myself as a software engineer. (For one thing, I think it's art, not engineering!) But I would say that I do consider "joy in the technical" to be part of who I am.

For thirty years, when I was at work I was frequently in a state of "flow," and all the real-world hassles--bosses, deadlines, not being able to do as good a job as I wanted because of the situation, not being able to do as good as job as I wanted because of my personal limitations--didn't change that.

Now to tell the truth I used to say that I'd do what I was doing even if I wasn't paid for it, and I rather thought I'd start writing programs for my personal pleasure after I retired, but that has not happened. So go figure.
Whiggish Boffin wrote:...My small inheritance from my father will go to buy my very own oscilloscope. It may just gather dust, but I'll see it on the shelf and say "I still could if I wanted to..."...
Ohhhh.... dear... I have had to abandon some bits of my own self-image. In the 1990s, I noticed a bunch of oscilloscopes sitting in a hall and I asked what they were, and they were perfectly good Tektronix analog oscilloscopes that were being disposed of because they were upgrading to digital oscilloscopes. There were some hasty negotiations and I bought one for $100. It worked fine. It sat in my basement gathering dust. I used it ONCE to demonstrate Lissajous patterns to the local barbershop chorus--have two singers sound a precise interval and run one mike into the X input and the other into the Y input. I gradually realized that just because I'd had so much fun in my teens tinkering with RC circuits and transistors in the basement, it didn't mean I was going to do it again. So I got rid of it and moved on.

Something that makes me very said is staring at Make! and the Makershed and all those Arduino kits and saying "I really ought to want one of those," but the sad reality is that my imagination is too limited to come up with anything I actually want to do with one.
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kybourbon
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by kybourbon »

When I was in high school, my father was laid off from his job. He struggled both mentally and emotionally, and I'm convinced that he never fully recovered from the toll that this event took on him. Part of what I identified as the problem is that his generation seemed to really attach their self worth to their profession, and when that was taken away he had nothing else to focus on and constantly perseverated about the job loss.

In retrospect, I learned a lot from this situation and feel a stronger person as a result. I will NEVER let a job define what I am about or how I feel about myself. Much like a previous poster, as long as I have my immediate family intact, everything else can easily be replaced, and that includes my job, house, etc, etc.

Lastly, I will add that being financially secure has helped with this outlook. We live well below out means, have payed off all debt except for the mortgage, and have a large emergency fund. Money and debt reduction has given me the freedom to feel the way I do about my job.

My advice, work to live, don't live to work!

ky
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Rodc
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by Rodc »

Yes and no.

What came first the chicken or the egg?

I have been this way since I was a boy tinkering with things and making up math problems to solve. And like it or not my degree and my job and my employer are well recognized and to some degree define me to others whether or not I want them to. And I suppose since I take some pride in these things, not in any boastful or arrogant way, but in a quiet internal way, I do identify with, even to some degree allow what I do to define me somewhat.

That said I have hobbies that have zero to do with my work, that I take pride in and they "define" me too, not to mention my volunteer roles and certainly my parent role defines me.

To a large degree, those of us with a choice in how we spend our time (as opposed to toil away at whatever we can find), show the world who we are by the choices we make.

How would it be any different?
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by bpp »

madman19 wrote:Dictionary.com: Define means to explain or identify the nature or essential qualities of...

Bogleheads,

Lately I've been feeling like my work defines me. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I have hobbies, things I love to do outside of work, but I just feel like work defines me. It's where I have the greatest value, it's who I am. While I have bad days and am working hard to gain financial independence, I'm confident that if I were forced to retire tomorrow, I'd be happy for a few hours then miserable the rest of my life.

I am relatively young and would love the advice of older Bogleheads - was this something you went through? Is this good/bad? Thank you!
Yes, when I was younger, work defined me. And it was good, even great at times. A positive feedback loop, getting paid to do something one enjoys, what could be better? Enjoy it while it lasts.

As I age, other things come to prominence: family, hobbies, volunteer activities... generally more engagement with the world at large outside of the narrow confines of my work. This is probably a good thing, as someday, work will be taken away from me, so I will have only those other things by which to define myself.

Anyway, don't worry while you are "relatively young." It is all part of a process. When you need something different, you will seek it. (As perhaps you are doing now.)
Last edited by bpp on Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Topic Author
madman19
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by madman19 »

Fallible wrote:It's possible that you knew (perhaps subconsciously) who you were before you found this work and that this is why you found it. The work then didn't define you as much as gradually bring out what was always there - and I would think that is very good, especially if the qualities you've developed can be carried over into related activities in retirement. This is basically what happened to me, after first backing into a career I grew to love, then a second shorter career that called for new but related skills and provided some wonderful challenges that led into activities I've enjoyed for years in retirement.

It's also possible that since you are "relatively young," something else is behind such early concerns about being miserable in retirement. Maybe knowing why you think it's the work alone that defines you would help answer that.
Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. Okay, maybe "miserable" wasn't the best way to describe my life without work. But Fallible you are onto something here. Something else is behind my concerns and I need to figure it out. It is not work ALONE that defines me, but as of now, work is what most defines me.
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retiredjg
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by retiredjg »

If you love what you do but have "concerns" that need to be "figured out", it sounds like nothing is wrong but that something is missing. Perhaps you need a family, or a dog, or to tend your spiritual garden, or do some volunteer work.
stan1
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Re: Does your work define you?

Post by stan1 »

Everything is about balance. You have to figure what that means to you and take action to achieve what you want.
Warning: I am about 80% satisficer (accepting of good enough) and 20% maximizer
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