How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Questions on how we spend our money and our time - consumer goods and services, home and vehicle, leisure and recreational activities

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Swamproot » Fri May 10, 2013 6:36 pm

linguini wrote:
Swamproot wrote:I bought my wife's as a surprise. I think that is the way it should be. In that way it is a metaphor for her husband. She is going to have the husband she gets, not the husband that she wishes for, and happy marriages happen when both partners realize that going in.

If she cares about big rocks and he buys her a little one, that is indicative of issues that may remain throughout a marriage, long after the honeymoon. I imagine fewer women would be upset with a rock bigger than what they wanted, but it could happen.


I don't think I buy this. Happy marriages happen when both partners are willing to adapt to each other's wishes and manage each other's expectations through frank and open communication. Happy marriages don't happen when a woman believes she is married to a man who is "not the husband that she wishes for". If what you mean is that a happy marriage depends on both partners embracing and supporting each other in spite of their respective flaws, I would agree with that, but if you mean...


No, that's is exactly what I meant. Almost every divorced couple I know is divorced because one party in the marriage acted exactly how they acted before they got married and there was some expectation on the other party that marriage would change that somehow.

And while I know many people who made it work (including my own parents), I wouldn't let anybody get married that's under 25.
User avatar
Swamproot
 
Posts: 304
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:10 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby epilnk » Fri May 10, 2013 9:47 pm

stoptothink wrote:
epilnk wrote:
stoptothink wrote: IMO women want a very visible sign that somebody loves them more, as you said men get a similar ego boost from buying way too much car or house. It isn't necessarily a display of wealth, but it is all about image.

The ring represents the man's image, not the woman's. Plenty of men get a big ego boost from the flashy ring on their wife's finger, and often care more about the big visible diamond than the person who will be wearing it. It is a shared status symbol, but in her case the status is indirect and based in his status as shown by his ability to purchase it. Personally I think the whole thing is messed up, but I don't think it is fair to point the finger at the women over this. Both sides have fallen prey to the influence of this marketing.


I was the one who made the comment earlier that "an engagement ring is jewelry a man wear's on his wifes finger." Believe me, I understand. It goes both ways. Obviously in my situation I didn't care less about what people thought about the shiny thing on my (ex) wife's finger, she definitely did not agree. It is an image thing. Period. I got a little worked up about Meg's post and interjected too much of my own situation in, I swear that was posted by my ex-wife or one of her sisters. I know she was being honest and is by no means a minority in her opinion, but just the simple fact that some people are that superficial scares me.

There's nothing inherently wrong with either choice. All that really matters is two things: 1) that he/they can actually afford the ring chosen, and 2) the values of the man and woman align.

Spending money you don't have = bad. Woman insists on big flashy ring from frugal or broke man = bad. Man expects frugal woman to wear big flashy ring = bad. These are all red flags warning of future divorce.

Frugal man buys small or no ring for frugal woman = good. Well off man buys big flashy ring for woman who wants big flashy ring = good. Both of these scenarios are compatible with a long and happy marriage. It doesn't mean the parties are superficial, just that they equally value (or not) certain social conventions.
epilnk
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:05 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby celia » Sat May 11, 2013 4:43 am

otbricki wrote:Well, I'm still married 39 years later so I guess the answer is to find out what your wife wants rather than asking an online forum.

I suggest NOT asking your wife, but divorce her before you get a ring for your new fiancee. I don't think the cost of a ring is your biggest problem at the moment. :D

P.S. Congrats.
User avatar
celia
 
Posts: 1854
Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 7:32 am
Location: SoCal

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby 4nursebee » Sat May 11, 2013 6:34 am

No engagement ring so $0, but the experience was priceless.
4nursebee
 
Posts: 246
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:56 am
Location: US

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby englishgirl » Sat May 11, 2013 8:30 am

epilnk wrote:
lots of quotes


There's nothing inherently wrong with either choice. All that really matters is two things: 1) that he/they can actually afford the ring chosen, and 2) the values of the man and woman align.

Spending money you don't have = bad. Woman insists on big flashy ring from frugal or broke man = bad. Man expects frugal woman to wear big flashy ring = bad. These are all red flags warning of future divorce.

Frugal man buys small or no ring for frugal woman = good. Well off man buys big flashy ring for woman who wants big flashy ring = good. Both of these scenarios are compatible with a long and happy marriage. It doesn't mean the parties are superficial, just that they equally value (or not) certain social conventions.


This. :)
Sarah
User avatar
englishgirl
 
Posts: 2105
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 6:34 pm
Location: FL

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby cheese_breath » Sat May 11, 2013 9:54 am

Didn't buy one. Wife and I married only three months after we met so we went straight to the wedding ring. As I recall, it was around $500 in 1976.
The surest way to know the future is when it's the past.
User avatar
cheese_breath
 
Posts: 3058
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:08 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby LadyGeek » Sat May 11, 2013 10:07 am

Here's a different perspective, which depends on how well you know your future partner. My engagement ring was used. Used? Yup. My husband asked someone else first and she refused him - he kept the ring. I'm not going into details.... :wink:

He knew I wouldn't care, and he was right. It had a single small diamond on it, I never bothered to check the details. As cheese_breath did, we went right to the wedding ring (plain ring, no diamonds). The engagement ring is in a box somewhere.

We are both of like minds, which is what counts.

(Updated to fix grammar.)
To some, the glass is half full. To others, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, it's twice the size it needs to be.
User avatar
LadyGeek
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18537
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 6:34 pm
Location: Philadelphia

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby pennstater2005 » Sat May 11, 2013 1:22 pm

LadyGeek wrote:Here's a different perspective, which depends on how well you know your future partner. My engagement ring was used. Used? Yup. The person my husband asked someone else first and she refused him - he kept the ring. I'm not going into details.... :wink:

He knew I wouldn't care, and he was right. It had a single small diamond on it, I never bothered to check the details. As cheese_breath did, we went right to the wedding ring (plain ring, no diamonds). The engagement ring is in a box somewhere.

We are both of like minds, which is what counts.


Well said. If you and your partner are on the same page there should be no issues.
To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities. - Bruce Lee
User avatar
pennstater2005
 
Posts: 1249
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:50 pm
Location: PA

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby sesq » Sat May 11, 2013 2:03 pm

I tried to talk my wife out of a diamond (debeers, etc), but its what she wanted. Fine. We did a little window shopping to see styles and then it was left to me. I read up and saw that I saved a lot going just below the carat (.93) or any benchmark size. Even in the stores they had to weigh them to tell which stone was which. I then focused on cut. The certifications are an added cost, but since I am no expert I wanted something to reference from, so I got the AGS 000. Color and Clarity weren't perfect, but naked eye perfect (another savings). I bought the stone loose online and got a local jeweler to mount it. All in about $4k or ballpark 5% of my pay in 2003.

I went to seven weddings the year I was married (including mine). I did notice that her ring showed favorably amongst her educator based friends, but was a notch below (size-wise, and in terms of how elaborate the setting was) the ones who worked with me in consulting. I do think the focus towards cut paid off as it definitely delivered the sparkle no matter the "competition".

She likes it a lot, and 10 years is coming up soon. I am on my third wedding band as I don't like to wear jewelry of any sort and I tend to lose them. I went to titanium as its much cheaper.
sesq
 
Posts: 247
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2013 10:24 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby DaleMaley » Sat May 11, 2013 6:57 pm

Back in 1978, I spent $1200 for engagement/wedding ring set.

-6.45% of my gross income
-0.78 months of salary
-equal to $4,166 in today's dollars
Most investors, both institutional and individual, will find that the best way to own common stocks is through an index fund that charges minimal fees. – Warren Buffett
User avatar
DaleMaley
 
Posts: 1484
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 9:04 pm
Location: Fairbury, Illinois

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby linguini » Sat May 11, 2013 9:13 pm

Swamproot wrote:
linguini wrote:
Swamproot wrote:I bought my wife's as a surprise. I think that is the way it should be. In that way it is a metaphor for her husband. She is going to have the husband she gets, not the husband that she wishes for, and happy marriages happen when both partners realize that going in.

If she cares about big rocks and he buys her a little one, that is indicative of issues that may remain throughout a marriage, long after the honeymoon. I imagine fewer women would be upset with a rock bigger than what they wanted, but it could happen.


I don't think I buy this. Happy marriages happen when both partners are willing to adapt to each other's wishes and manage each other's expectations through frank and open communication. Happy marriages don't happen when a woman believes she is married to a man who is "not the husband that she wishes for". If what you mean is that a happy marriage depends on both partners embracing and supporting each other in spite of their respective flaws, I would agree with that, but if you mean...


No, that's is exactly what I meant. Almost every divorced couple I know is divorced because one party in the marriage acted exactly how they acted before they got married and there was some expectation on the other party that marriage would change that somehow.

And while I know many people who made it work (including my own parents), I wouldn't let anybody get married that's under 25.


Got it. I'm still hesitant about the idea that the engagement ring should represent this, but it sounds as if we have similar sentiments on how healthy relationships work. :happy
linguini
 
Posts: 237
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:49 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby nisiprius » Sat May 11, 2013 9:32 pm

epilnk wrote:There's nothing inherently wrong with either choice. All that really matters is two things: 1) that he/they can actually afford the ring chosen, and 2) the values of the man and woman align.

Spending money you don't have = bad. Woman insists on big flashy ring from frugal or broke man = bad. Man expects frugal woman to wear big flashy ring = bad. These are all red flags warning of future divorce.

Frugal man buys small or no ring for frugal woman = good. Well off man buys big flashy ring for woman who wants big flashy ring = good. Both of these scenarios are compatible with a long and happy marriage. It doesn't mean the parties are superficial, just that they equally value (or not) certain social conventions.
+2
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness; Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
User avatar
nisiprius
Advisory Board
 
Posts: 25272
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:33 am
Location: The terrestrial, globular, planetary hunk of matter, flattened at the poles, is my abode.--O. Henry

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Professor Emeritus » Sat May 11, 2013 10:31 pm

Just because its Mother's day

Nothing on the stone. When I was 9 years old my mother lost her diamond wedding ring into the garbage at our vacation apartment. On a hot August day I dug through the garbage from 32 apartments, and after a number of hours of digging though crab and fish guts I found the ring. My mother said when I found a girl who would marry me, the girl would get the diamond. When I presented the girl to my mother, My mother slipped the ring off her finger and handed it directly to my future wife. We had the stone put in a special setting. When my wife was asked where she got the ring, she always said with a huge smile "would you believe a garbage dump?" That was 40 years ago. I still have the Girl and she still has the ring. Thanks MOM
Professor Emeritus
 
Posts: 1696
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 7:43 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby beachplum » Sun May 12, 2013 12:23 am

Professor Emeritus wrote:Just because its Mother's day

Nothing on the stone. When I was 9 years old my mother lost her diamond wedding ring into the garbage at our vacation apartment. On a hot August day I dug through the garbage from 32 apartments, and after a number of hours of digging though crab and fish guts I found the ring. My mother said when I found a girl who would marry me, the girl would get the diamond. When I presented the girl to my mother, My mother slipped the ring off her finger and handed it directly to my future wife. We had the stone put in a special setting. When my wife was asked where she got the ring, she always said with a huge smile "would you believe a garbage dump?" That was 40 years ago. I still have the Girl and she still has the ring. Thanks MOM


You made my night! Thank you. :D
beachplum
 
Posts: 259
Joined: Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:11 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby xrvision » Mon May 13, 2013 11:17 am

I could not agree with meg more. My husband and I are both relatively high earners (combined income mid 6 figures). We both came from modest backgrounds, and we are both savers. No debt, maxed out retirement accounts, decent nestegg.

I don't how much my ring costed (and I hope to never know this info). I know nothing about diamonds, but I know my rock is pretty good on the "4C scale". I was also asked countless times how many carats my ring was (1.5-2, I didn't know this until I asked him since SO many people were asking me, which made me curious).

I LOVE my ring. I love the thought that my husband put into it, and that he worked hard to get me something special that I would cherish. I love what it symbolizes to me. That doesn't make me a Real Housewife. Would I have been disappointed with a smaller, less expensive ring? No, to an extent. I would definitely have been happy with a less expensive ring- I married the man, not a ring. I also knew his lifestyle and spending habits from our time dating (comfortable, frugal, doesn't waste $ but will spend $ for quality and something he really wants). Since I knew husband is ok spending $ on a decent TV and an occasional basketball game, I definitely would have been disappointed if he chintzed out on my ring.

Spend your money on whatever you want. Buy an expensive ring, or don't. But an engagement ring is a symbol of love/committment/sacrifice/all that jazz to most women. (Yes, diamonds are a marketing ploy. Too bad. It worked. Get over it.) If you aren't a cheapskate in your everyday life, you definitely don't want to be a cheapskate in this purchase.

I will say that reading all of your responses definitely makes me glad I married my husband :happy
xrvision
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2013 12:23 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby hicabob » Mon May 13, 2013 11:49 am

An interesting article from Atlantic on the original purpose of engagement rings as "virginity insurance"

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/arc ... gs/255434/
hicabob
 
Posts: 1704
Joined: Fri May 27, 2011 6:35 pm
Location: cruz

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby SarasotaJohn » Mon May 13, 2013 10:39 pm

sesq wrote:I do think the focus towards cut paid off as it definitely delivered the sparkle no matter the "competition".


I was impressed with how much your experience mirrored mine. I went with the visual minimum for colorless, clarity, etc and focused on the cut. Spent alot of time on the Pricescope forum and their cut calculator. Personally I had fun looking at all the diamond sellers online, interpreting idealscope images, etc. I purchased the diamond online and avoided tax (on top of the obvious savings versus local), but had it set locally so my wife had a go to place for sizing, cleaning, etc.

The diamond is on the "small" side as well, but I know exactly what you mean and it throws light like a discoball and is stunning. No regrets.
SarasotaJohn
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 10:09 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby LFKB » Tue May 14, 2013 7:11 pm

I hadn't checked in on this thread recently but looks like the conversation has gone some unintended directions; we are not the type of people some have mentioned in this thread.

We both max our 401ks and IRAs and save money in taxable accounts, we both work and make very good livings and while we buy nice items we always look for deals (as I will with a ring purchase) and we currently save approximately 67% of our after tax income.

Having said all that, I will probably spend between $20-$25k on a ring. We can afford it and she'll love it. I've never really bought her jewelry before and don't expect to buy her jewelry after. She makes more than I do right now and can afford to buy herself whatever she wants.

She has saved a mid 6 digit sum on her own by the age of 27 and will continue to make wise financial decisions whether I buy her a small ring or a big ring. She will also be happy with either (but a bit happier with the bigger one).
LFKB
 
Posts: 294
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 8:06 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby bottomfisher » Tue May 14, 2013 7:34 pm

LFKB wrote:I hadn't checked in on this thread recently but looks like the conversation has gone some unintended directions; we are not the type of people some have mentioned in this thread.

We both max our 401ks and IRAs and save money in taxable accounts, we both work and make very good livings and while we buy nice items we always look for deals (as I will with a ring purchase) and we currently save approximately 67% of our after tax income.

Having said all that, I will probably spend between $20-$25k on a ring. We can afford it and she'll love it. I've never really bought her jewelry before and don't expect to buy her jewelry after. She makes more than I do right now and can afford to buy herself whatever she wants.

She has saved a mid 6 digit sum on her own by the age of 27 and will continue to make wise financial decisions whether I buy her a small ring or a big ring. She will also be happy with either (but a bit happier with the bigger one).


My wife really wanted a larger stone as well. I proposed with one and she is really happy and proud of her ring. She gets complimented on it frequently. And her eyes brighten as much as the diamond itself with these compliments. I think your wife will react the same. Congratulations
User avatar
bottomfisher
 
Posts: 327
Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:03 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby LFKB » Tue May 14, 2013 8:38 pm

bottomfisher wrote:
LFKB wrote:I hadn't checked in on this thread recently but looks like the conversation has gone some unintended directions; we are not the type of people some have mentioned in this thread.

We both max our 401ks and IRAs and save money in taxable accounts, we both work and make very good livings and while we buy nice items we always look for deals (as I will with a ring purchase) and we currently save approximately 67% of our after tax income.

Having said all that, I will probably spend between $20-$25k on a ring. We can afford it and she'll love it. I've never really bought her jewelry before and don't expect to buy her jewelry after. She makes more than I do right now and can afford to buy herself whatever she wants.

She has saved a mid 6 digit sum on her own by the age of 27 and will continue to make wise financial decisions whether I buy her a small ring or a big ring. She will also be happy with either (but a bit happier with the bigger one).


My wife really wanted a larger stone as well. I proposed with one and she is really happy and proud of her ring. She gets complimented on it frequently. And her eyes brighten as much as the diamond itself with these compliments. I think your wife will react the same. Congratulations


Thanks
LFKB
 
Posts: 294
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 8:06 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Tue May 14, 2013 11:21 pm

Too much. I wish I read this first:

[Link to article containing offensive language removed by admin LadyGeek. See my comments below.]

And by the way, what kind of reward do we get for our 1000th post? A diamond? A share of Vanguard stock? I'm waiting....
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby DoubleDraw » Wed May 15, 2013 2:05 am

Has anyone considered a lab or man made diamond? We are. I can afford the stone she wants in a mined diamond but that makes no sense (to me) other than her satisfaction and enjoyment and I can think of lots of more sensible luxuries that we don't indulge in. I think it is important to her to get a diamond. This way she gets a pretty ring and gets to tell everyone its a diamond but it is roughly 30% of the cost for the rock itself. I don't think it would hold any value as I imagine the supply of man made diamonds will increase in our generation flooding the market and driving prices down even further. Am I making a big mistake over a few thousand dollars spent on something that makes no sense (to me)?
DoubleDraw
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 12:30 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby interplanetjanet » Wed May 15, 2013 2:24 am

DoubleDraw wrote:Has anyone considered a lab or man made diamond? We are. I can afford the stone she wants in a mined diamond but that makes no sense (to me) other than her satisfaction and enjoyment and I can think of lots of more sensible luxuries that we don't indulge in. I think it is important to her to get a diamond. This way she gets a pretty ring and gets to tell everyone its a diamond but it is roughly 30% of the cost for the rock itself. I don't think it would hold any value as I imagine the supply of man made diamonds will increase in our generation flooding the market and driving prices down even further. Am I making a big mistake over a few thousand dollars spent on something that makes no sense (to me)?

If she doesn't have a problem with it, and you don't have a problem with it, there is no problem with it.

I love synthetic stones, I have some lovely lab-created ruby and emerald jewelry that cost me a small fraction of what it would have had they had been mined. There is a quality to them that a colored CZ or similar just doesn't have. An experienced gemologist with a loupe staring closely could probably tell that they weren't dug out of the ground, but so what? How often does that happen?
User avatar
interplanetjanet
 
Posts: 2189
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:52 pm
Location: the wilds of central California

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby nisiprius » Wed May 15, 2013 7:48 am

protagonist wrote:And by the way, what kind of reward do we get for our 1000th post? A diamond? A share of Vanguard stock? I'm waiting....


Image
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness; Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
User avatar
nisiprius
Advisory Board
 
Posts: 25272
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:33 am
Location: The terrestrial, globular, planetary hunk of matter, flattened at the poles, is my abode.--O. Henry

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Wed May 15, 2013 8:38 am

DoubleDraw wrote: I don't think it would hold any value as I imagine the supply of man made diamonds will increase in our generation flooding the market and driving prices down even further.


Neither would a mined stone. Read the portion regarding investment value of diamonds in this link (which I also provided in the post above): [Link to article containing offensive language removed by admin LadyGeek. See my comments below.]

The "emotional investment value" in choosing a stone re: your marriage is another issue which I would not want to touch, no less tackle. I guess that depends on your love's mindset when it comes to such matters.
Last edited by protagonist on Wed May 15, 2013 8:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Wed May 15, 2013 8:38 am

nisiprius wrote:
protagonist wrote:And by the way, what kind of reward do we get for our 1000th post? A diamond? A share of Vanguard stock? I'm waiting....


Image



awwww....Nisi....you shouldn't have.......
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Wed May 15, 2013 8:42 am

DoubleDraw wrote:Has anyone considered a lab or man made diamond? We are.


One of the funnier bar-room stories I remember was the guy who, when his wife announced that she wanted a divorce, secretly ran down to the jeweler and had him swap her huge diamond for a cubit zirconium . Apparently she didn't notice the difference.

True or not, I heard that years ago and it still makes me laugh. If only I was that clever.
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby bottomfisher » Wed May 15, 2013 9:51 am

DoubleDraw wrote:Has anyone considered a lab or man made diamond? We are. I can afford the stone she wants in a mined diamond but that makes no sense (to me) other than her satisfaction and enjoyment and I can think of lots of more sensible luxuries that we don't indulge in. I think it is important to her to get a diamond. This way she gets a pretty ring and gets to tell everyone its a diamond but it is roughly 30% of the cost for the rock itself. I don't think it would hold any value as I imagine the supply of man made diamonds will increase in our generation flooding the market and driving prices down even further. Am I making a big mistake over a few thousand dollars spent on something that makes no sense (to me)?


I had just learned about them around the time we got engaged. Here's an old Wired magazine article I read at the time: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/diamond.html I looked into them briefly then. At the time they were only manafucturing yellow diamonds because yellow diamonds were selling a premium compared to clear. So it wasn't an option for us. The price wasn't exactly cheap or inexpensive either despite being a man made diamond. I'm not sure if the prices have come down. But I would certainly would consider one again if I had to do it over. And my wife likely wouldn't mind since allegedly you can't tell the difference. If I recall correctly, one of the few ways to tell the difference is the lack of flaws on close inspection of the diamond.
User avatar
bottomfisher
 
Posts: 327
Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:03 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby nisiprius » Wed May 15, 2013 2:38 pm

protagonist wrote:awwww....Nisi....you shouldn't have.......
It's not made of real pixels. It's made of cheap imitation pixels.
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness; Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
User avatar
nisiprius
Advisory Board
 
Posts: 25272
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:33 am
Location: The terrestrial, globular, planetary hunk of matter, flattened at the poles, is my abode.--O. Henry

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Easy Rhino » Wed May 15, 2013 8:04 pm

I only read the first page, but I don't think bogleheads is the right place to go for "typical" advice, not nearly :beer

Here's what I did a couple of years ago, and it worked out great, for us, even though I basically did everything wrong. It was partly due to getting too hopelessly flustered with the research options and with "just lookign" at jewelry stores prior to the proposal. My then-girlfriend's tastes regarding diamond cuts and ring styles seemed to be whipsawing all over.

- proposed using a cheap CZ ring on a cheap white gold setting. I think $200. This was a placeholder.
- Ironically, the CZ stone was probably 2.5 carats and my then-fiancee got a lot of compliments on it.
- Told my fiancee that we could shop for the ring together.
- Told her the budget ($7500). That included diamond, setting, and separate wedding band if she wanted one.
- bought a loose stone that consumed most of the budget, re-used the setting from the proposal ring, and a somewhat inexpensive palladium wedding band to pair with it.

But what was great was the diamond buying process turned out to be a great adventure. My wife's cousin worked for a diamond wholesaler up in LA, and so we drove up there, got to meet with him in his armored back room, sampling lots of different different loose stones, using the jeweler's loupe, and finally picked one out. I don't think the experts on the internet would have liked it. It had pretty good size and color, but not too great clarity and a slightly squashed princess cut. But my wife just liked it the most. Similarly, I didn't think that the band from the proposal ring was any good, but she wanted to keep it for sentimental reasons.

The amount spent was more than 1 months' salary but less than two. But that's not the point. I think the important parts are what your wife expects (my wife wanted something snazzy), and what you can afford. If I had no savings, I wouldn't have spent as much. And I could have spent more, but it would have hurt too much (and crimped things like wedding savings, home savings, etc). I figured the cost of the ring should hurt the guy to prove that he's serious, but it shouldn't hurt too much.
Easy Rhino
 
Posts: 2772
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 12:13 pm
Location: San Diego

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby DoubleDraw » Wed May 15, 2013 11:16 pm

interplanetjanet wrote:If she doesn't have a problem with it, and you don't have a problem with it, there is no problem with it.


I can't tell if she is really excited about getting a man made diamond or not. She seems to really like the idea of it being 100% conflict free, but I can't tell if she is saying she is good with the man made to keep me happy too.

protagonist wrote:Neither would a mined stone. Read the portion regarding investment value of diamonds in this link (which I also provided in the post above)


I think a mined stone would hold on to a far greater % of its value than a man made stone, though I have no illusions about it being worth what I would pay for it. Still, a $5k stone that holds 50% of its value "costs" as much as a $2500 stone that is worth next to nothing, right? Obviously I'm using round numbers to make a point, but I think it is a valid one.

bottomfisher wrote:I had just learned about them around the time we got engaged. Here's an old Wired magazine article I read at the time: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/diamond.html I looked into them briefly then. At the time they were only manafucturing yellow diamonds because yellow diamonds were selling a premium compared to clear. So it wasn't an option for us. The price wasn't exactly cheap or inexpensive either despite being a man made diamond. I'm not sure if the prices have come down. But I would certainly would consider one again if I had to do it over. And my wife likely wouldn't mind since allegedly you can't tell the difference. If I recall correctly, one of the few ways to tell the difference is the lack of flaws on close inspection of the diamond.


...and this right here is why I love this forum. GREAT article! I showed it to my gf and we were both intrigued by the fact that man who makes his living in the diamond trade couldn't discern it was a man made until he carefully scrutinized it for hours. If he can't tell will any of our peers? Doubtful.

Easy Rhino wrote:Here's what I did a couple of years ago, and it worked out great....


So far, this is just about exactly what I am doing and have done. Eerily similar.


Thanks for all the thoughtful responses!
Last edited by DoubleDraw on Thu May 16, 2013 12:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
DoubleDraw
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 12:30 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby LadyGeek » Wed May 15, 2013 11:33 pm

FYI - I removed a link to an article containing offensive language (Not Safe for Workplace or the younger crowd). (see this post)

I suggest an article search which expresses a similar sentiment: engagement rings are dumb - Google Search
To some, the glass is half full. To others, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, it's twice the size it needs to be.
User avatar
LadyGeek
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18537
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 6:34 pm
Location: Philadelphia

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Hexdump » Thu May 16, 2013 8:17 am

About $2,500, 32 years ago.
Worth every penny.
User avatar
Hexdump
 
Posts: 1441
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:28 am
Location: Houston, Texas

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby englishgirl » Thu May 16, 2013 8:58 am

LadyGeek wrote:FYI - I removed a link to an article containing offensive language (Not Safe for Workplace or the younger crowd). (see this post)

I suggest an article search which expresses a similar sentiment: engagement rings are dumb - Google Search


I think removing the link is a bit unfair. I didn't notice offensive language. The title included what I would consider to be a minor curse word, but perhaps I skimmed over anything worse. The link could have been changed to not show the title on this site, rather than just being removed. And the Google search does not give an idea of which article was thought to be interesting by the poster.

Anyway, the link introduced me to an interesting and insightful (and Boglehead-related) blog that I've been reading ever since. Hopefully it is not inappropriate to give a link to the blog itself, and to say that if one checks the list of popular posts, one will find one that is on point (but, be warned that while most of the blog seems fine to me, there are some curse words used on this blog every now and then, so click through at your own discretion).

http://priceonomics.com
Sarah
User avatar
englishgirl
 
Posts: 2105
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 6:34 pm
Location: FL

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Sconie » Thu May 16, 2013 10:53 am

There is an interesting write-up on engagement rings on Wikipedia----they indicate:
"The idea that a man should spend a significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated de novo from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds.[1] In the 1930s, they suggested that a man should spend the equivalent of one month's income in the engagement ring; later they suggested that he should spend two months' income on it.[1] In 2007, the average cost of an engagement ring in USA as reported by the industry was US$2,100.[9]"
Good marketing strategy by DeBeers----they're now up to 3 months of pay!
I paid about $2,000 for my wife's ring in 1980----it is an almost perfect 1/2 carat ring----in those inflation-racked days, the price of diamonds had gone absolutely nuts!
Sconie
 
Posts: 229
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:23 am
Location: Arizona

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Fri May 17, 2013 11:08 am

Easy Rhino wrote:I only read the first page, but I don't think bogleheads is the right place to go for "typical" advice, not nearly :beer

Here's what I did a couple of years ago, and it worked out great, for us, even though I basically did everything wrong. It was partly due to getting too hopelessly flustered with the research options and with "just lookign" at jewelry stores prior to the proposal. My then-girlfriend's tastes regarding diamond cuts and ring styles seemed to be whipsawing all over.

- proposed using a cheap CZ ring on a cheap white gold setting. I think $200. This was a placeholder.
- Ironically, the CZ stone was probably 2.5 carats and my then-fiancee got a lot of compliments on it.
- Told my fiancee that we could shop for the ring together.
- Told her the budget ($7500). That included diamond, setting, and separate wedding band if she wanted one.
- bought a loose stone that consumed most of the budget, re-used the setting from the proposal ring, and a somewhat inexpensive palladium wedding band to pair with it.

But what was great was the diamond buying process turned out to be a great adventure. My wife's cousin worked for a diamond wholesaler up in LA, and so we drove up there, got to meet with him in his armored back room, sampling lots of different different loose stones, using the jeweler's loupe, and finally picked one out. I don't think the experts on the internet would have liked it. It had pretty good size and color, but not too great clarity and a slightly squashed princess cut. But my wife just liked it the most. Similarly, I didn't think that the band from the proposal ring was any good, but she wanted to keep it for sentimental reasons.

The amount spent was more than 1 months' salary but less than two. But that's not the point. I think the important parts are what your wife expects (my wife wanted something snazzy), and what you can afford. If I had no savings, I wouldn't have spent as much. And I could have spent more, but it would have hurt too much (and crimped things like wedding savings, home savings, etc). I figured the cost of the ring should hurt the guy to prove that he's serious, but it shouldn't hurt too much.


That seems all very sensible, but also seems like it takes the romance out of it, which, if there is a point, strikes me as the only point. I'm thinking about all those 1940s movies where Clark Gable shows up at the most inopportune moment down on one knee as she opens the box, bursts into tears and says "yes". Why else would a guy buy one?
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Barefootgirl » Fri May 17, 2013 11:19 am

As a former sociologist, I find this thread downright fascinating. I may have gotten more from it than the original poster.

Thank you all...BFG
"The best you can do is set up like a baseball team does against an unknown hitter. That is spread the defense and wait for the ball to come to you." - pkcrafter
Barefootgirl
 
Posts: 920
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:05 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Fri May 17, 2013 11:29 am

Barefootgirl wrote:As a former sociologist, I find this thread downright fascinating. I may have gotten more from it than the original poster.

Thank you all...BFG


BF.....what, specifically, as a former sociologist, did you get from it and find so fascinating? I'm really curious.
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby roymeo » Fri May 17, 2013 2:26 pm

protagonist wrote:That seems all very sensible, but also seems like it takes the romance out of it, which, if there is a point, strikes me as the only point. I'm thinking about all those 1940s movies where Clark Gable shows up at the most inopportune moment down on one knee as she opens the box, bursts into tears and says "yes". Why else would a guy buy one?


The romance that DeBeers paid to have diamonds associated with? How romantic!

"Look what apartheid brought us, honey!"
The sewer system is a form of welfare state. | -- "Libra", Don DeLillo
User avatar
roymeo
 
Posts: 986
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:19 pm
Location: SF, CA

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby epilnk » Fri May 17, 2013 2:30 pm

protagonist wrote:That seems all very sensible, but also seems like it takes the romance out of it, which, if there is a point, strikes me as the only point. I'm thinking about all those 1940s movies where Clark Gable shows up at the most inopportune moment down on one knee as she opens the box, bursts into tears and says "yes". Why else would a guy buy one?


There's nothing especially romantic about egregious overpricing; there are other ways of being romantic, even dramatically romantic. And trust me, Clark Gable didn't need any prop at all.
epilnk
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:05 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby nisiprius » Fri May 17, 2013 2:52 pm

What do people think about marriage proposals made in extremely public settings or in extremely public ways (on Jumbotrons, with skywriters, on billboards, etc?)
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness; Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
User avatar
nisiprius
Advisory Board
 
Posts: 25272
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:33 am
Location: The terrestrial, globular, planetary hunk of matter, flattened at the poles, is my abode.--O. Henry

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Barefootgirl » Fri May 17, 2013 3:14 pm

What do people think about marriage proposals made in extremely public settings or in extremely public ways (on Jumbotrons, with skywriters, on billboards, etc?)

A form of narcissism, lol.

@Protagonist, the discussion may be more appropriate offline, but the demographics here are interesting. Some quite willing to question conventional behavior in some areas of modern life, but willfully compliant in other areas, particularly in the face of blatant marketing....just so interesting.
I recall a wedding I once attended in NYC. I questioned the bride and groom as to some of their choices, to which they responded without blinking an eye: "We're not really just putting on a wedding, we're staging a show".

@the posters mentioning romance, oh my gosh, some of the most romantic gestures are so incredibly simple or yet even creative...and Clark Gable, loved his smile.
"The best you can do is set up like a baseball team does against an unknown hitter. That is spread the defense and wait for the ball to come to you." - pkcrafter
Barefootgirl
 
Posts: 920
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:05 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby TomatoTomahto » Fri May 17, 2013 3:44 pm

nisiprius wrote:What do people think about marriage proposals made in extremely public settings or in extremely public ways (on Jumbotrons, with skywriters, on billboards, etc?)


In a less extreme way, we just had this recently in our family: My son, a high school junior, is dating a lovely girl. It was clear that they'd be going to the junior prom together. However, every time I asked whether they'd made plans (pre-prom, post-prom, etc.), he told me that he hadn't asked yet. This was curious to me until he told me that the high school standard is now that it has to be done in a surprising way. So, he took her to a nice restaurant, having prepped the staff that his date's dessert should come out on a plate with "Prom?" written on it in dessert sauce. The restaurant was a small intimate place, and most of the diners cheered her acceptance. Of course, a photo was taken of the dessert plate and put on Facebook. Such is life in 2013.
User avatar
TomatoTomahto
 
Posts: 2723
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:48 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby diasurfer » Fri May 17, 2013 4:21 pm

Barefootgirl wrote:Some quite willing to question conventional behavior in some areas of modern life, but willfully compliant in other areas, particularly in the face of blatant marketing....just so interesting.


Some? I submit that unless one is an ascetic monk living in a monastery, this is true of every American, conventional or not. It's just a matter of degree.

Just last month there was a poster looking for recommendations on an SUV when a minivan (with a sunroof, like mine) would so seem to be the best fit for her functional needs. But "style" was also high on the list, and we all know minivans ain't kool. I'm sure automobile industry marketing has nothing to do with that perception.
Last edited by diasurfer on Fri May 17, 2013 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
diasurfer
 
Posts: 1820
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:33 pm
Location: miami-dade

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby stoptothink » Fri May 17, 2013 4:31 pm

TomatoTomahto wrote:
nisiprius wrote:What do people think about marriage proposals made in extremely public settings or in extremely public ways (on Jumbotrons, with skywriters, on billboards, etc?)


In a less extreme way, we just had this recently in our family: My son, a high school junior, is dating a lovely girl. It was clear that they'd be going to the junior prom together. However, every time I asked whether they'd made plans (pre-prom, post-prom, etc.), he told me that he hadn't asked yet. This was curious to me until he told me that the high school standard is now that it has to be done in a surprising way. So, he took her to a nice restaurant, having prepped the staff that his date's dessert should come out on a plate with "Prom?" written on it in dessert sauce. The restaurant was a small intimate place, and most of the diners cheered her acceptance. Of course, a photo was taken of the dessert plate and put on Facebook. Such is life in 2013.


It is the same way here in Utah. In fact, now you are supposed to answer in a creative way as well. Instead of just saying yes, you are expected to answer in some elaborate method. My 17yr old cousin has spent some serious time (and parent's money) answering dance "proposals".
stoptothink
 
Posts: 1243
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:53 am

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby Clearly_Irrational » Fri May 17, 2013 4:45 pm

Proposal style doesn't have to be expensive. I proposed on horseback on top of mountain lookout while we were riding her favorite trail. (she's a huge horse fan)
User avatar
Clearly_Irrational
 
Posts: 2495
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 4:43 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Fri May 17, 2013 4:47 pm

roymeo wrote:
protagonist wrote:That seems all very sensible, but also seems like it takes the romance out of it, which, if there is a point, strikes me as the only point. I'm thinking about all those 1940s movies where Clark Gable shows up at the most inopportune moment down on one knee as she opens the box, bursts into tears and says "yes". Why else would a guy buy one?


The romance that DeBeers paid to have diamonds associated with? How romantic!

"Look what apartheid brought us, honey!"


I'm not defending it....any more than I would defend Mother's Day or Christmas as promoted by Hallmark. In fact less (the "apartheid" issue you mentioned). The point I was trying to make is that many women , for better or worse, ARE romantically moved by such gestures. Yes, they have been sold a bill of goods by a disgusting corporation and bought into it hook, line and sinker, but that's reality. And I can see no other valid reason to give your love an overpriced rock, other than that it being worth the price to you to make her happy....eg her reaction. That's romance.

Personally I find it silly to link romance to diamonds, and would ideally choose a mate with a different value system who was moved romantically by different gestures, but I do get it. It makes more sense to me than, for example, buying myself an expensive watch, which is just as useless, probably less attractive, and would never make a woman cry.
Last edited by protagonist on Fri May 17, 2013 5:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby LadyGeek » Fri May 17, 2013 4:49 pm

Remember that we were discussing the cost of an engagement ring... :wink:

Update (see below): Protagonist is on topic, he just happened to be the last post before mine.
To some, the glass is half full. To others, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, it's twice the size it needs to be.
User avatar
LadyGeek
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18537
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 6:34 pm
Location: Philadelphia

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby protagonist » Fri May 17, 2013 4:57 pm

LadyGeek wrote:Remember that we were discussing the cost of an engagement ring... :wink:


I thought I was, actually. I was addressing justification for spending money on one. But if I am off topic, I apologize. You need not explain why....I respect your decision. :happy
protagonist
 
Posts: 2209
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Re: How Much Did You Spend on Your Engagement Ring??

Postby roymeo » Fri May 17, 2013 5:21 pm

You're probably not the only one.

roymeo
The sewer system is a form of welfare state. | -- "Libra", Don DeLillo
User avatar
roymeo
 
Posts: 986
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:19 pm
Location: SF, CA

PreviousNext

Return to Personal Consumer Issues

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: LeeMKE and 22 guests