Midlife Crisis

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Midlife Crisis

Postby SpaceCommander » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:14 pm

Today I read an article about mid-life crises, and just realized I'm about due for mine. I'm a planner; I'm tightly focused on goals and frankly, I've been too busy to think about my impending crisis. So now I'm giving it some thought and the well of inspiration is running dry. I'm just not that imaginative. So any recommendations out there? Things to do or not do? I'd like to mine the rich experience that exists on this board and glean some wisdom. Any suggestions? Regrets? Give me some ideas!

Porsche 911? Nah... not interested. 20 something girlfriend? Pass... why settle for hamburger when I've got filet mignon at home?

Any inspiration out there? If I put this crisis off any further, I think I'll be overdue...
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby Scooter57 » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:21 pm

Recent research has revealed that the male midlife crisis is a myth.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ful ... ife-crisis
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby Sheepdog » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:27 pm

You'll know it when you are in it.
I did..stupid....almost screwed up everything....It ain't no fun!!!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby CaliJim » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:30 pm

I never had one myself.... (I'm 55... perhaps it hasn't hit yet?)

If you are doing everything else right and can afford it... there is nothing wrong with splurging on a month in an exotic location, and blaming the extravagance on "mid life crisis".

You only live once - so live with a thoughtful sense of freedom!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby 3CT_Paddler » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:36 pm

YOLO! :)
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby J295 » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:39 pm

Well, in my mid 40s when one of the kids turned 16 I gave her my car and for three years rode my bike to/from work (14 mile round trip). We live in the midwest and my temperature range when riding was a low of 4 degrees (yes it can be done with layers of microfiber) and a high of 104 degrees. Cost was not an issue, I just enjoy exercise, riding my bike, and doing something a bit unique. It was fun. One day when we had a scheduling conflict for the car my wife turned to me tongue in cheek and asked my why I couldn't have a normal mid life crisis like everybody else and buy a new car. Ha!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby norookie » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:45 pm

Many only realize after its happened, like I'd bet you do too. Even your planning for it. I hear its like Mr Mkt.,uncontrollable. However your knowing this, I'd put everything on automatic....and keep a weekly stipend only.jmo :wink: OR YOU COULD WAKE UP BROKE IN another time zone!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby chaz » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:49 pm

So far I have avoided a crisis and am now in old age. Lucky me.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby imgritz » Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:16 am

Plan your crisis. Take the filet mignon (wife) on a nice vacation. Three weeks in Europe? Romantic vacation to St Baarts.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby backofbeyond » Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:40 am

Been there, done that. Still have the sports car in the garage to prove it. Pretty much ran the full montey.

My advice is to get in the best shape of your life. Fortunately, I turn things around and did just that. Everyone, and I mean everyone will be happy you did, SO, Doctor, Friends, Family.

By getting in great shape, it allows you to appreciate so much more in life. You can do the scuba diving off the Great Barrier, go white water rafting in Beliez, hike the Grand Canyon...you get the drift.

If interested, go to bodybuilding.com for excellent advice.

Best wishes
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby lawman3966 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:45 am

Instead of a Porsche, you could get an electric bike. I was just reading about them. Some of latest models can apparently go 40 mph, and have a range of 40 miles.

Just one idea. There are no doubt many more irrational, exciting, and dangerous options, if that's your thing. :)
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby The Wizard » Sat Mar 23, 2013 4:40 am

Step one in midlife crisis is getting divorced.
Get through that first, then we'll address more advanced steps...
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby BBL » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:45 am

Word around the forum is that a $5,000 watch is a real game changer. :D
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby TT » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:50 am

It's not real but instead just a thought that invokes an emotion of needing something more.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby snyder66 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:57 am

I am kinda there now. Totally happy in my marriage and family life. Mine is hitting me in my career and how I am treating the earth. So, I'm trying to find a job that will make me happy while minimizing my stuff.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby kitteh » Sat Mar 23, 2013 7:04 am

snyder66 wrote:I am kinda there now. Totally happy in my marriage and family life. Mine is hitting me in my career and how I am treating the earth. So, I'm trying to find a job that will make me happy while minimizing my stuff.


Good for you!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby VictoriaF » Sat Mar 23, 2013 7:42 am

For me retirement, or more specifically, contemplation of retirement, causes a greater crisis than anything I experienced in my career. Up until now I had clear ideas of what I wanted and pursued it when some success. If something was objectively impossible I did not feel deprived; if something seemed within reach and I attempted it, I was usually satisfied with the outcomes.

Retirement is different. I want to do many things, some of which are incompatible. I want to be in several places at once. I hope for intellectual achievements that would require seclusion and dedicated studies, and I want to bum around the world with a 20-lb backpack, and I need a social base. I can afford a variety of retirement lifestyles, but not all of them simultaneously.

I have full control and the means to define the remainder of my life (or at least the next 20-30 years), and I feel paralyzed by fear that I will get it wrong. I wish it were as easy as a Porsche.

Victoria
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby bengal22 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:02 am

The whole concept of planning a mid life crisis is a hoot. A true mid life crisis needs to be a spontaneous burst of energy directed in all the wrong directions. Its a knee jerk reaction to the realization that you are not going to play for the Chicago Bulls, pilot a F-15, or play lead guitar for the Stones. Its a childish attempt to hold back time, or deny death. Its not something you can plan or develop a mission statement with a set of objectives. If it happens it happens.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby rocket » Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:45 am

A woman told me that a man's mid-life crisis is shown by getting a motorcycle and/or a girlfriend. I'm 66 YO and did not have a mid-life crisis.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby snyder66 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 9:30 am

You have plenty of time, rocket!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby midareff » Sat Mar 23, 2013 9:41 am

SpaceCommander wrote:Today I read an article about mid-life crises, and just realized I'm about due for mine. I'm a planner; I'm tightly focused on goals and frankly, I've been too busy to think about my impending crisis. So now I'm giving it some thought and the well of inspiration is running dry. I'm just not that imaginative. So any recommendations out there? Things to do or not do? I'd like to mine the rich experience that exists on this board and glean some wisdom. Any suggestions? Regrets? Give me some ideas!

Porsche 911? Nah... not interested. 20 something girlfriend? Pass... why settle for hamburger when I've got filet mignon at home?

Any inspiration out there? If I put this crisis off any further, I think I'll be overdue...



35 foot Cigarette Offshore and 2, 20 something g/f s?? :oops:

LOL .. mine was a couple of Porsches with which I went racing. Did pretty well actually. I was already divorced a few years so the younger g/f's were fun. Thankfully I got over almost all of it. :oops: Still like fast cars.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby lwfitzge » Sat Mar 23, 2013 9:54 am

I blew money on a BMW and a crap load of money on a top 10 B-school education for my MBA (about $200K total, ouch) in my mid-40's. Both were pretty impulsive moves and I really did not NEED either. Like all crises, there can be a lot of good to come of them (it does not have to be all bad). Learning was fun as was partying w classmates on Friday night. Graduating gave me the courage to leave a crappy corporate nest and do work I love as an entrepreneur. Another plus, I didn't do anything really stupid to hurt myself or my family. I did put a sizable dent in my retirement fund but I recovered that to the point I now work part-time on projects that I'm ideally passionate about. No regrets... had I not made these choices I may not have enjoyed these wonderful experiences these past few years. :sharebeer
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby reggiesimpson » Sat Mar 23, 2013 10:05 am

In other words you are bored.
This is what i did.
I measure my life in the years before November 2009 and the years since. The event? Racing in the Baja 1000 in Mexico. By far the most intense, physically and psychologically stressful activity of my life. You WILL be risking your life, you WILL have to make life threatening decisions in seconds. Further, the spectators WILL be trying to make you crash (i kid you not!). Of course you can skip the race and take the tour instead. But thats not exactly crisis resolution.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby desertbandit442 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 10:54 am

Go see your favorite band in concert, with VIP tickets, and stay at a Ritz Carlton for the weekend. Call that your midlife crisis and be done with it.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby alec » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:31 am

My FIL is a planner, so he started to brew beer. My dad can't sit still so he took up bike riding. The boys just needed an activity.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby momar » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:39 am

I never really understood why buying a fancy sports car is considered a midlife crisis.

When else can people get one? When you are young and unattached, you can't afford it. Later, you have kids. Finally, they leave the house and support themselves. Fewer responsibilites, higher income with more disposable... seems like the responsible thing to do is get that Porsche when you are 50!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby nisiprius » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:42 am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

Academic research since the 1980s rejects the notion of midlife crisis as a phase that most adults go through. In one study, fewer than 10% of people in the United States had psychological crises due to their age or aging.
In my mid-fifties one day I happened to refer to myself as "middle-aged," and my wife said "Well, if you think you're middle-aged, then you must be expecting to live to 110." Acceptance of mortality is something that has happened to me gradually, and I have not experienced it as a "crisis" but as a sort of mild melancholy, not even entirely unpleasant.

The sitcom/joke "midlife crisis" in which one suddenly does reckless things is denial of aging and/or denial of mortality. I don't think it's inevitable, and I don't think it is helpful or adaptive. It's not as if it were purgative or cathartic, it's not as if it were something you have to get through it to reach serenity on the other side.

I don't quite get the bucket-list thing, "what things do I need to do while I'm young/alive," either. You can't do everything. Every day you get at every age is one more day, and it gets filled with whatever you put into it.

It does seem to me as if purchased one-time packaged experiences--concerts, ski trips, vacations--and things, tend to be low in meaning, particularly if they are experienced passively. Going to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (which I've never done) is probably a great thing to do; singing in a local chorus of some kind is probably more nourishing.

The things that fill a life involve work-like activities, developing skills, building up something. And I sometimes think they have a natural rhythm--they last, oh, about five or ten years. There are lifetime avocations, but I don't think there's anything wrong with doing something for five years and then moving on and trying something else.

The problem with low-nourishment junk experience (let's go to a movie! let's take a cruise! let's sign up for a guided ascent of Mt. Everest!) is that they don't relieve boredom very thoroughly and the effect doesn't last. The problem with high-nourishment experience is that you may not be bored, but you do get frustrated and stressed.

It's all balance. I don't feel (much!) guilt over enjoying the simple pleasures of routine, of doing the same dull things every day in the same way in the same familiar surroundings. Rudyard Kipling would never have admired me: I don't insist on filling the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby VictoriaF » Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:08 pm

nisiprius wrote:The sitcom/joke "midlife crisis" in which one suddenly does reckless things is denial of aging and/or denial of mortality. I don't think it's inevitable, and I don't think it is helpful or adaptive.
I don't disagree with you, but...

I cringe when people make opposite jokes, e.g., call themselves "old geezers," "old fogies," and alike. It's one thing to accept one's aging and mortality and it's another thing to flaunt it. I see several problems with this. First, people tend to act on their own words, as in
Anonymous wrote:Be careful what you think, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful what you say, for your words become your actions.
Be careful what you do, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful what becomes habitual, for your habits become your destiny.
And so someone calling himself an old fogy becomes an old fogy.

Second, after certain age, one's chronological age becomes less relevant than the biological age. Thus, we frequently read about 70-year olds being more fit than 40-year olds, and other similar curiosities. If one can challenge himself with new projects, skills and experiences, there is no need to sabotage these endeavors with an excuse of the age. Third, age-focused self-deprecating remarks are probably just another form of denying age, a pathetic hope that by calling oneself old one would cause the oldness somehow to go away.

In my opinion, it's far more rewarding to try the things one wants to try and hope not to fail. A blind man climbed Everest, a man on prostheses ran in London Olympics; why should not we aspire to similar fits? And when we do fail, the reason is frequently insufficient dedication or insurmountable physical constraint or just not being as smart as we think we are--not the age per se.

Here is a web site about people's accomplishments at various ages. Look at these!
Web site about accomplishments at various ages wrote:At age 100+:
- Alice Porlock of Great Britain published her first book, Portrait of My Victorian Youth, when she was 102 years old.
- At age 100, Johannes Heesters was the oldest guest in a Saturday night show, Wetten dass.
- At age 100, Fauja Singh became the oldest person to complete a full-distance marathon. This was his eighth marathon - his first was at age 89.
- Mary Hardison, 101, became the oldest woman to do a tandem paraglide.
- Manoel de Oliveira (age 103 in 2012), is the oldest film director in the world and continues to make about one film a year after the age of 100.
- American composer Elliot Carter was still doing commissions until his death at age 103.


I wonder if these people had midlife crisis at the age of 100 {hopeful smile}.

Victoria
Last edited by VictoriaF on Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:50 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby stemikger » Sat Mar 23, 2013 12:17 pm

SpaceCommander wrote:Today I read an article about mid-life crises, and just realized I'm about due for mine. I'm a planner; I'm tightly focused on goals and frankly, I've been too busy to think about my impending crisis. So now I'm giving it some thought and the well of inspiration is running dry. I'm just not that imaginative. So any recommendations out there? Things to do or not do? I'd like to mine the rich experience that exists on this board and glean some wisdom. Any suggestions? Regrets? Give me some ideas!

Porsche 911? Nah... not interested. 20 something girlfriend? Pass... why settle for hamburger when I've got filet mignon at home?

Any inspiration out there? If I put this crisis off any further, I think I'll be overdue...


I also read that article about this being a myth, but I think there comes a time in your life where you think about all the things you didn't do right or wish you could have went a different direction.

I have a wonderful wife but a few years ago I had a major crush on a girl half my age. I never acted on it but I had a very strong emotional attachment to her. I felt guilty and ashamed about this and when I think about it being around her made me feel young again and I think that was the main attraction for me. I felt just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.

When I was in my 20s and would see a young girl with her Sugar Daddy it would get me disgusted and could never understand it. Now here I was in my mid 40s and I was wrapped up in fantasies about being with this 20 something girl.

This relationship lasted two and a half years and although I no longer see her I still loved how that feeling of being in my 20s was a great feeling. So there you have it that is how I dealt with my mid-life crisis.

Although nothing physical happed I do feel guilty about being so emotionally invested with her and in many ways I felt like I cheated on my wife and marriage.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby SpaceCommander » Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:04 pm

Thanks for the replies. Some very interesting observations. This one struck a chord with me:

My advice is to get in the best shape of your life. Fortunately, I turn things around and did just that. Everyone, and I mean everyone will be happy you did, SO, Doctor, Friends, Family.

By getting in great shape, it allows you to appreciate so much more in life. You can do the scuba diving off the Great Barrier, go white water rafting in Beliez, hike the Grand Canyon...you get the drift.


That sounds like a challenge! :idea:
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby iceman99 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:35 pm

If I were to buy a new "midlife crisis" car (Porsche or other make) I would put it to good use and go on a road trip. I enjoy watching shows like "Diners, Drive-in's, and drives" or the Food Paradise series on Travel Channel. Would make a good excuse to check out these featured restaurants and visit some cool cities.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby midareff » Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:47 pm

momar wrote:I never really understood why buying a fancy sports car is considered a midlife crisis.

When else can people get one? When you are young and unattached, you can't afford it. Later, you have kids. Finally, they leave the house and support themselves. Fewer responsibilites, higher income with more disposable... seems like the responsible thing to do is get that Porsche when you are 50!


I think the thumbprint came from a movie named "The Middle Aged Crazy's I believe that was the title and it was out about 26 or 27 years ago. The main character, a contractor in Texas, leaves his wife and family, buys a Porsche convertible and starts dating a Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader. It was the pressure of providing for his family, his in-laws and his parents that seemed to get to him if I recall properly. I though the whole think was rather stupid at the time. A few years later I woke up dreaming about the movie and went to the dealer and ordered a new Porsche convertible .. it was my 50th b-day present to me. At the time I was divorced about a decade and already doing the younger woman thing .. LOL, and the older woman thing.

The contractor burned out his crazies and went back to his wife and extended family and lived happily ever after.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby protagonist » Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:53 pm

VictoriaF wrote:
nisiprius wrote:The sitcom/joke "midlife crisis" in which one suddenly does reckless things is denial of aging and/or denial of mortality. I don't think it's inevitable, and I don't think it is helpful or adaptive.
I don't disagree with you, but...


In my opinion, it's far more rewarding to try the things one wants to try and hope not to fail. A blind man climbed Everest, a man on prostheses ran in London Olympics; why should not we aspire to similar fits? And when we do fail, the reason is frequently insufficient dedication or insurmountable physical constraint or just not being as smart as we think we are--not the age per se.

Here is a web site about people's accomplishments at various ages. Look at these!
Web site about accomplishments at various ages wrote:At age 100+:
- Alice Porlock of Great Britain published her first book, Portrait of My Victorian Youth, when she was 102 years old.
- At age 100, Johannes Heesters was the oldest guest in a Saturday night show, Wetten dass.
- At age 100, Fauja Singh became the oldest person to complete a full-distance marathon. This was his eighth marathon - his first was at age 89.
- Mary Hardison, 101, became the oldest woman to do a tandem paraglide.
- Manoel de Oliveira (age 103 in 2012), is the oldest film director in the world and continues to make about one film a year after the age of 100.
- American composer Elliot Carter was still doing commissions until his death at age 103.


I wonder if these people had midlife crisis at the age of 100 {hopeful smile}.

Victoria


Nisi, with all due respect, this is one of the rare instances that I disagree with you. The examples Victoria gave are inspiring examples to all of celebration and embracing of life, not of denial of aging and mortality. Here in el Yaque, Venezuela, among my friends and acquaintences are a one-armed carpenter and welder, a windsurfer who has lost almost total use of one arm and leg in an old motorcycle accident, and several kitesurfers and windsurfers in their 70s and 80s, some of whom are doing more daring things than I. I find these people inspirational. Thinking of it as denial of aging and mortality is merely seeing the glass as half-empty rather than half-full.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby midareff » Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:53 pm

iceman99 wrote:If I were to buy a new "midlife crisis" car (Porsche or other make) I would put it to good use and go on a road trip. I enjoy watching shows like "Diners, Drive-in's, and drives" or the Food Paradise series on Travel Channel. Would make a good excuse to check out these featured restaurants and visit some cool cities.


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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby Fallible » Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:58 pm

protagonist wrote:
VictoriaF wrote:...
In my opinion, it's far more rewarding to try the things one wants to try and hope not to fail. A blind man climbed Everest, a man on prostheses ran in London Olympics; why should not we aspire to similar fits? And when we do fail, the reason is frequently insufficient dedication or insurmountable physical constraint or just not being as smart as we think we are--not the age per se.

Here is a web site about people's accomplishments at various ages. Look at these!
Web site about accomplishments at various ages wrote:At age 100+:
- Alice Porlock of Great Britain published her first book, Portrait of My Victorian Youth, when she was 102 years old.
- At age 100, Johannes Heesters was the oldest guest in a Saturday night show, Wetten dass.
- At age 100, Fauja Singh became the oldest person to complete a full-distance marathon. This was his eighth marathon - his first was at age 89.
- Mary Hardison, 101, became the oldest woman to do a tandem paraglide.
- Manoel de Oliveira (age 103 in 2012), is the oldest film director in the world and continues to make about one film a year after the age of 100.
- American composer Elliot Carter was still doing commissions until his death at age 103.


I wonder if these people had midlife crisis at the age of 100 {hopeful smile}.

Victoria


Nisi, with all due respect, this is one of the rare instances that I disagree with you. The examples Victoria gave are inspiring examples to all of celebration and embracing of life, not of denial of aging and mortality. Here in el Yaque, Venezuela, among my friends and acquaintences are a one-armed carpenter and welder, a windsurfer who has lost almost total use of one arm and leg in an old motorcycle accident, and several kitesurfers and windsurfers in their 70s and 80s, some of whom are doing more daring things than I. I find these people inspirational. Thinking of it as denial of aging and mortality is merely seeing the glass as half-empty rather than half-full.


Agreed and I think the examples show once again that what is essential to a long life lived well is good health, both physical and mental. I know of people who were in good health but grew more depressed as they aged, seeming to just let it take over everything. And I know of those who had poor health but continued to pursue their dreams as much as they could (I love those people). And then there are the truly lucky ones who have good physical health, do what they can to maintain it as long as possible, and have realistic hope that it will hold so they can continue to meet the many goals they most likely will continue pursuing right up to the end.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby downshiftme » Sat Mar 23, 2013 3:00 pm

Never had a midlife crisis, or at least not yet. Either some people never get them or I haven't reached midlife yet (that's a hopeful thought, implying I have a lot more life left).

My wife had one however. It was beyond horrible and she is now my ex-wife. All the loving helpful support in the world isn't necessarily enough to get through every crisis. I understand being wary of a midlife crisis, but if you are self aware and thinking of it, you are probably more than halfway there to making sure it doesn't hurt you (or your loved ones).
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby midareff » Sat Mar 23, 2013 3:23 pm

downshiftme wrote:Never had a midlife crisis, or at least not yet. Either some people never get them or I haven't reached midlife yet (that's a hopeful thought, implying I have a lot more life left).

My wife had one however. It was beyond horrible and she is now my ex-wife. All the loving helpful support in the world isn't necessarily enough to get through every crisis. I understand being wary of a midlife crisis, but if you are self aware and thinking of it, you are probably more than halfway there to making sure it doesn't hurt you (or your loved ones).


You are not alone... I have several male friends who are now, and have been raising their children without help, when that occurred.,
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby MP173 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:26 pm

Not sure if I had a midlife crisis or not, but there were a few "events". Here is the story...

My wife was diagnosed with cancer when I was 43 and she passed away when I was 45, leaving me a single parent of two boys, ages 5 and 14. No time for mid life crisis. With needing something to occupy time while being a full time dad, I purchased a guitar and self taught myself to play, pretty badly. Then I purchased an electric guitar and hired a blues guitarist to come by once a week for lessons. It didnt really improve my abilities much, but I could turn the amp up loud.

Got bored with running 2 miles per day and decided to run a mini tri (1/2 mile swim, 15 mile bike, 5k run) so I started biking and swimming. Went to the mini, ran into an ultra hot female family friend recently divorced and we began biking together...six years later were married. Turned the mini into a great girlfriend, who then promoted me to her husband and began a passion for cycling.

Electric guitar, cycling, ultra hot girlfriend...it worked for me...got me thru the mid life crisis.

Ed
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby kitteh » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:47 pm

downshiftme wrote:My wife had one however. It was beyond horrible and she is now my ex-wife. All the loving helpful support in the world isn't necessarily enough to get through every crisis. I understand being wary of a midlife crisis, but if you are self aware and thinking of it, you are probably more than halfway there to making sure it doesn't hurt you (or your loved ones).


I'm thinking a prescription for hormones might have helped, even though they are generally frowned upon. Just saying.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby Matigas » Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:00 pm

Camus claims that when Sisyphus acknowledges the futility of his task and the certainty of his fate, he is freed to realize the absurdity of his situation and to reach a state of contented acceptance.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby backofbeyond » Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:47 pm

stemikger wrote:
SpaceCommander wrote:I also read that article about this being a myth, but I think there comes a time in your life where you think about all the things you didn't do right or wish you could have went a different direction.

I have a wonderful wife but a few years ago I had a major crush on a girl half my age. I never acted on it but I had a very strong emotional attachment to her. I felt guilty and ashamed about this and when I think about it being around her made me feel young again and I think that was the main attraction for me. I felt just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.

When I was in my 20s and would see a young girl with her Sugar Daddy it would get me disgusted and could never understand it. Now here I was in my mid 40s and I was wrapped up in fantasies about being with this 20 something girl.

This relationship lasted two and a half years and although I no longer see her I still loved how that feeling of being in my 20s was a great feeling. So there you have it that is how I dealt with my mid-life crisis.

Although nothing physical happed I do feel guilty about being so emotionally invested with her and in many ways I felt like I cheated on my wife and marriage.


Stem, what you described is what is known as the Kobayaski Maru of Mid Life crisis, referring to the no-win scenario depicted in Star Trek. There are atleast 3 possible outcomes of an older married man falling for a younger woman:

1. He acts on it, she accepts. Whether it works or not, his life becomes much much more complicated. As he ends up taking on the additional burdens of her life plus the heartaches that he causes his family, most of all his wife. To tie it in with a financial posting, just about anyway you look at it, the standard of living plummets for just about everyone involved, except maybe the young thing.

2. He doesn’t act on it, but wonders, would he have been happier if he had? And this goes on for years, maybe the rest of his life, that is, being tormented by the “what could have been”.

3. He doesn’t act on it, glad he didn’t, but feels guilty for even thinking about it. That would be you.

Having gone through every one of those scenarios, trust me, you got off lightly. My only advice is whatever you do, never ever, tell the wife about it. You may think it will get the guilt off your chest, but it really will only open up a whole can of suspicions on her part. Best to tuck it away and call it a hard lesson learned.
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it is at what income. - George Foreman
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby protagonist » Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:54 pm

backofbeyond wrote:
stemikger wrote:
SpaceCommander wrote:I also read that article about this being a myth, but I think there comes a time in your life where you think about all the things you didn't do right or wish you could have went a different direction.

I have a wonderful wife but a few years ago I had a major crush on a girl half my age. I never acted on it but I had a very strong emotional attachment to her. I felt guilty and ashamed about this and when I think about it being around her made me feel young again and I think that was the main attraction for me. I felt just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.

When I was in my 20s and would see a young girl with her Sugar Daddy it would get me disgusted and could never understand it. Now here I was in my mid 40s and I was wrapped up in fantasies about being with this 20 something girl.

This relationship lasted two and a half years and although I no longer see her I still loved how that feeling of being in my 20s was a great feeling. So there you have it that is how I dealt with my mid-life crisis.

Although nothing physical happed I do feel guilty about being so emotionally invested with her and in many ways I felt like I cheated on my wife and marriage.


Stem, what you described is what is known as the Kobayaski Maru of Mid Life crisis, referring to the no-win scenario depicted in Star Trek. There are atleast 3 possible outcomes of an older married man falling for a younger woman:

1. He acts on it, she accepts. Whether it works or not, his life becomes much much more complicated. As he ends up taking on the additional burdens of her life plus the heartaches that he causes his family, most of all his wife. To tie it in with a financial posting, just about anyway you look at it, the standard of living plummets for just about everyone involved, except maybe the young thing.

2. He doesn’t act on it, but wonders, would he have been happier if he had? And this goes on for years, maybe the rest of his life, that is, being tormented by the “what could have been”.

3. He doesn’t act on it, glad he didn’t, but feels guilty for even thinking about it. That would be you.

Having gone through every one of those scenarios, trust me, you got off lightly. My only advice is whatever you do, never ever, tell the wife about it. You may think it will get the guilt off your chest, but it really will only open up a whole can of suspicions on her part. Best to tuck it away and call it a hard lesson learned.


Kobayaski Maru of Midlife Crisis. Very funny.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby nedsaid » Sat Mar 23, 2013 10:37 pm

I couldn't afford it so I passed.
A fool and his money are good for business.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby Raymond » Sat Mar 23, 2013 10:54 pm

nedsaid wrote:I couldn't afford it so I passed.


The car or the girlfriend? :P

Even Consumer Reports gets into the act:

"Personal picks: Best cars for a midlife crisis"

So we can be Bogleheads and "...indulge our automotive passions" :twisted:
"Ritter, Tod und Teufel"
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby VictoriaF » Sun Mar 24, 2013 9:25 am

kitteh wrote:
downshiftme wrote:My wife had one however. It was beyond horrible and she is now my ex-wife. All the loving helpful support in the world isn't necessarily enough to get through every crisis. I understand being wary of a midlife crisis, but if you are self aware and thinking of it, you are probably more than halfway there to making sure it doesn't hurt you (or your loved ones).


I'm thinking a prescription for hormones might have helped, even though they are generally frowned upon. Just saying.


Na, all she needed was a Porsche
{steering the discussion around potholes back to the real values}.

Victoria
Every joke has a bit of a joke. ... The rest is the truth. (Marat F)
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby ruralavalon » Sun Mar 24, 2013 9:29 am

imgritz wrote:Plan your crisis. Take the filet mignon (wife) on a nice vacation. Three weeks in Europe? Romantic vacation to St Baarts.

Or a month in Hawaii :) .
"Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler." - Albert Einstein | Wiki article link:Getting Started
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby peppers » Sun Mar 24, 2013 9:40 am

I'm a glutton for punishment and thrive on rejection. Any mid life crisis would be therapeutic. :wink:
"..the cavalry ain't comin' kid, you're on your own..."
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby likegarden » Sun Mar 24, 2013 9:46 am

When I was around 45-55 years old my job moved twice within 2 years, followed by a lot of work with 12 hour days. My family had changes in houses and in school systems for our son. Then there was a lot more responsibility at work with 13 trips to Asia and many trips in the US, so I was always kept very busy. I never thought about a midlife crisis and never had one. Life was complicated enough.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby protagonist » Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:53 pm

midareff wrote:
downshiftme wrote:Never had a midlife crisis, or at least not yet. Either some people never get them or I haven't reached midlife yet (that's a hopeful thought, implying I have a lot more life left).

My wife had one however. It was beyond horrible and she is now my ex-wife. All the loving helpful support in the world isn't necessarily enough to get through every crisis. I understand being wary of a midlife crisis, but if you are self aware and thinking of it, you are probably more than halfway there to making sure it doesn't hurt you (or your loved ones).


You are not alone... I have several male friends who are now, and have been raising their children without help, when that occurred.,


In retrospect, I think the first fifty years of childhood are the hardest.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

Postby btenny » Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:51 pm

I retired for my midlife crisis at 52. Was not even thinking about retiring but was very unhappy with my job. Things were not going well. Then the company I worked for offered a company wide early out retirement deal for lots of long term employee classifications. I fit the requirements. So I studied it for 2-3 weeks and took it. It scared my wife and all my friends and made my boss mad as he**. Yep one day I was working and then the next week I was quitting. Two financial planners told me I needed more money. Then I got into good physical shape and became a ski bum for 5 years. I worked teaching skiing but made next to nothing and loved every miniute of it. I was lucky I kept the same wife and then discovered Bogleheads and that I really did have enough money to fully retire. Wow was it fun. It was the best thing I have ever done.

Bill..
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